025- You’re Not Stuck. You’re Grieving. (A conversation with David Kessler on loss, meaning, and healing)

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We think our time is endless. So we waste so much of our lives chasing what we think life “should” look like, and calling avoidance “moving on.” But you don’t move on from pain without it being dragged behind you.

In this episode of Beyond Words, I’m joined by my very first guest, grief expert and bestselling author David Kessler. We talk about what grief really is, why denial can be a form of grace, and how judgment keeps us stuck in pain. We explore finding meaning—not in loss itself, but in who we become after it—and why grief needs witnessing, not fixing.

We also talk about grief in relationships, including narcissistic abuse and gaslighting, how to support someone who is grieving without abandoning yourself, and why the worst grief is always your own—because it’s the one you’re living.

Guest: David Kessler
Website: grief.com
Support Groups: Tender Hearts (online)
Social: @IamDavidKessler

Timestamps (Simplified)

00:00 We think our time is endless & why avoidance isn’t healing
02:38 What grief really is: a change we didn’t want
06:00 Denial as grace & how the brain processes loss
11:32 Finding meaning: not in the event, but in who we become
16:16 Why grief must be witnessed, not fixed
20:59 Grieving identities, futures, and relationships
26:45 Judgment, self-compassion, and why shame keeps us stuck
34:35 Cultural rituals of grief & what we’re missing today
40:59 Boundaries while loving someone who’s grieving
46:32 Grieving narcissistic relationships & the death of self
53:21 Freedom is found in reality
56:26 Words From Me to You: don’t do grief alone
58:26 “The worst grief is yours”
01:00:35 Where to find David’s work & support