Why Fearful Avoidants Push Away the Person They Want (Violet Benson)

Access Our Conflict Resolution Blueprint Course Mentioned in This Episode, With a Trial to the Personal Development School: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=7-day-trial&utm_medium=organic&utm_term=l32QSobcyUY&utm_content=yt-10-31-26&el=youtube

Do disagreements make you question the entire relationship, even when you care deeply about your partner?

In this honest conversation, Thais Gibson sits down with Violet Benson, creator of Daddy Issues, to explore Fearful Avoidant attachment, the urge to leave during conflict, and learning to feel safe in a healthier relationship.

Violet opens up about romanticizing partners after a breakup, holding back reassurance, and wanting closeness while instinctively pushing it away. Together, they explore how understanding each other’s needs and repairing after disagreements can help break the cycle.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• How childhood experiences can shape your response to conflict
• Why you might miss someone more after leaving them
• How Fearful Avoidant and Anxious Attachment patterns can interact
• What the urge to pull away may reveal about your unmet needs
• How empathy, transparency, and reassurance support conflict resolution
• Why ongoing repair helps relationships grow closer over time

Timestamps:
00:00 Loving Deeply, Then Shutting Down
01:47 Meet Violet Benson
02:31 The Story Behind Daddy Issues
09:09 Childhood Beliefs About Love and Conflict
14:01 Exploring Anxious and Fearful Avoidant Patterns
20:42 Breakups, Shutdown, and Grieving
23:30 Romanticizing Someone After Leaving
34:14 The Urge to Pull Away During Conflict
48:05 Understanding Your Needs During Disagreements
58:05 Uncertainty, Distance, and Reassurance
01:08:24 How Repair Builds Lasting Connection
01:18:02 Initiating Connection and Showing Appreciation
01:21:21 Understanding Each Other’s Relationship Needs
01:29:00 Identifying Both Partners’ Needs During Conflict
01:34:53 Practical Takeaways to Try Together
01:36:50 Where to Find Violet
01:37:36 Choosing Yourself and Practicing Vulnerability

Find Violet Benson:
Instagram: @violetbenson
Podcast: @daddyissues_

Meet Thais
Thais Gibson, PhD, is a Best-Selling Author, Pastoral Counselor, Relationship Coach, and the founder of The Personal Development School (PDS). Between 2013 and 2019, she developed Integrated Attachment Theory® (IAT), the Six-Step Method to Becoming Secure, a framework rooted in neuroscience, attachment theory, psychology, and spirituality, trademarked in October 2021. IAT works across six pillars:

✔ Rewire Your Attachment Core Wounds
✔ Learn Your Attachment Needs
✔ Regulate Your Nervous System Somatically
✔ Learn Healthy Boundaries
✔ Improve Communication
✔ Rewire Your Unhealthy Protest Behaviors

Since opening in 2020, PDS has grown to serve over 70,000 students in 145 countries, achieving a 97% satisfaction rate and helping people reprogram their subconscious patterns and build thriving, secure relationships.

Helpful Resources:

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📚 Read the New Attachment Theory Book
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🎧 Discover Podcast Episodes
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