Egolessness, Self-Kindness & the Buddhist Enneagram

In this episode, I explore the tension between spiritual teachings on egolessness and the deeply personal need for self-understanding. I talk about how meditation reveals both the illusion of self and the reality of who we are. I also share how the Enneagram—a system of personality types—has been an invaluable tool for fostering compassion and clarity in myself and my relationships.

Highlights:

1. The Problem with Egolessness

• Teachings on “no self” can feel like a shaming of personal identity.
  
  
  
• Meditation helps us see both our egoless nature and our genuine self.
  
  

2. Meditation as Friendship with Self

• Encourages self-awareness and emotional honesty.
  
  

3. The Enneagram as a Spiritual Tool

• Describes 9 personality types; not limiting but illuminating.
  
  
  
• Helps identify personal patterns and build self-compassion.
  
  
  
• Integrated with Buddhist values like loving-kindness.
  
  

4. Three Enneagram Frameworks to Understand Yourself and Others

• Centers of Intelligence:
  
  
  • Mental: Thinkers → anxiety under stress.
    
    
    
  • Gut: Intuitive types → anger under stress.
    
    
    
  • Heart: Emotional types → neediness or withdrawal under stress.
    
    
• Instinctual Drives:
  
  
  • Self-preservation: Focused on safety and comfort.
    
    
    
  • Social: Motivated by group belonging.
    
    
    
  • One-to-One: Seeks deep personal connection.
    
    
• Stress Responses (Karen Horney’s model):
  
  
  • Toward: Seeks harmony.
    
    
    
  • Against: Confronts conflict.
    
    
    
  • Away: Withdraws from tension.
    
    

Understanding your own wiring—how you think, feel, relate, and react—is not a detour from spiritual growth, but part of its foundation. Tools like the Enneagram, when combined with meditation, become powerful aids in cultivating compassion for yourself and others. True spiritual insight begins with self-acceptance.

For more on the enneagram from a Buddhist perspective, check out my book, The Buddhist Enneagram: Nine Paths to Warriorship.

For more on Buddhist teachings and how our humanity isn’t necessarily in our way, sign up for my free weekly newsletter or join the Open Heart Project sangha for more connection with community and with me.

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Produced by Citizens of Sound

Music by: Derek O'Brien

©Open Heart Project