The "Handjob" Heard 'Round the World | CMS Classic 2012

Let’s talk about the absolute state of 80s legends trying to navigate the modern streaming era. Loudness—Japan’s greatest heavy metal export—just dropped Eve of Dawn, and while the riffs are still sharp, the “gang vocals” have hit a hilarious, unintentional snag.

GET LOUDNESS’ EVE TO DAWN HERE: https://amzn.to/4uu66KO

We took a deep dive into the track “Hang Tough,” and I’m telling you, once you hear it, your ears are ruined for life. Between the accent and the production, the legendary Minoru Niihara isn’t singing a classic anthem of resilience; he’s screaming “HANDJOB!” at the top of his lungs over a “weedle-weedle” guitar solo.

It’s the kind of high-friction, bar-room comedy you can’t make up. We transitioned from that linguistic trainwreck into a power-metal cover of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” by the Northern Kings that was so over-produced and “too much,” it actually made us miss the accidental filth of Loudness. Is the “substance” of metal being traded for gimmick covers and phonetic failures? We break it all down with the kind of honesty that gets us kicked off the “safe” platforms.

The version you’re seeing here is the “sanitized” edit. To hear the full, unfiltered, and legally dangerous deep dive—including the stuff that gets us banned elsewhere—join the Inner Circle at https://classicmetalshow.locals.com. Become a VIP and get the substance the mainstream won’t touch.

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