I am NOT the Meditator - Anatta/Not Self | Talk on Buddhism by Ajahn Dhammasiha

One of the deepest delusions of all is the sense of 'Self' ('Attā'), 'I', 'me' and 'mine'. Whenever we identify with anything at all as I, me, mine or Self, it will inevitably lead to disappointment and suffering.

Consequently, if we want to abandon pain and disappointment, we have to abandon the illusion of Self and ownership. To help us see through the delusion of Self, the Buddha recommends us to look at the inherent contradictions of the concept of Self. For instance, Self and ownership imply control. It dosn't really make sense to claim anything as 'me' or 'Self', if I havn't got any control over it.

A particular strong identification is usually with our thinking: "I am the thinker"

Another one is with our decisions and actions: "I am the doer"

And when we meditate, of course, it's: "I'm the meditator".

Ajahn Dhammasiha encourages us to observe how our meditation becomes stressful, and usually doesn't go anywhere, the moment we cling to the illusion "I am the one doing my meditation".

Straight away we also have:

1. I'm a good meditator
2. I'm a hopeless meditator
3. I'm a better/worse/equal meditator than this other person

So we get all this comparing, all this conceit, and the resulting arrogance or dejection. We get trying hard with will power, or giving up due to feeling incapable.

On the other hand, if we see through the illusion, we will simply observe phenomena arising and passing away in our meditation according to conditions. We skilfully respond by stopping the unhelpful conditions, and developing the beneficial ones, without concerning ourselves with self, me and mine.

Straight away the meditation becomes much smoother, much less stressful, easy and effortless.

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