9: School Avoidance, Anxiety, and Helping Kids Return to School with Kristen McNeely

School Avoidance, Anxiety, and Helping Kids Return to School with Kristen McNeely

Robyn and Kristen McNeely discuss school avoidance, why it happens, and how parents can support children in returning to school by addressing the root causes rather than simply focusing on attendance.

In this episode, Kristen McNeely joins me for an in-depth conversation about one of her areas of expertise: school avoidance. While I often work with children whose anxiety shows up through school refusal, Kristen has spent years helping families navigate these incredibly complex situations. I wanted to approach this conversation not only as a clinician, but also as a parent asking the questions I know so many families have.

We begin by talking about the urgency parents feel when a child stops attending school. When school avoidance begins, it can feel like the only goal is getting your child back into the classroom as quickly as possible. Kristen explains why slowing down long enough to understand what's driving the avoidance is often one of the most important first steps. Rather than treating every child the same, she encourages parents to look beneath the behavior and identify the unique "why" behind their child's struggle.

Throughout the conversation, we discuss the many factors that can contribute to school avoidance, including anxiety, learning differences, sensory needs, social challenges, and school environment. Kristen explains why identifying the underlying cause allows families and schools to create much more effective intervention plans. We also compare the differences between public and private schools, discussing the resources and legal responsibilities that can influence the support families receive.

One of the biggest themes in this episode is collaboration. Kristen shares why successful outcomes almost always involve parents, educators, and clinicians working together instead of trying to solve the problem independently. We also talk about balancing compassion with accountability, helping children feel supported while continuing to build the confidence and skills they need to return to school.

We also share stories of families who have successfully worked through school avoidance, offering hope to parents who may feel overwhelmed or discouraged. While every child's path looks different, Kristen reminds us that progress is absolutely possible when families begin with understanding instead of fear or urgency.

By the end of this episode, I hope parents feel less alone and more equipped to take the next step. School avoidance can feel overwhelming, but with the right support, thoughtful intervention, and collaboration, children can regain confidence and reconnect with learning.

Shared Resources: 

• School Capable, Kristen McNeely's program designed to support families navigating school avoidance and school refusal.
• Follow Kristen on Instagram @childhood.empowered
• Follow Robyn on Instagram @parentingtheanxiouschild 
• Parenting the Anxious Child Membership
• Sign up for Robyn’s Newsletter and find additional resources