#181 | A Motherless Mother in Recovery Experiencing Birth As the Ultimate Surrender

Melissa Pennel was thirty-four years old when she was pregnant for the first time. She already had experienced significant life challenges: She had lost her own mother a few years earlier, plus she was seven years sober. Her pregnancy presented several health scares along the way, such as a two-vessel cord and a perceived hole in the baby's heart, eliciting words like possible "fetal demise" from her providers and the potentiality of "organs not developing normally". Her baby was also breech until 36 weeks, keeping Melissa questioning whether her own ego and attachment to a natural birth were the reasons for her challenges. She then went post-term, all the way to 42 weeks, despite pressure from her providers, and during a vaginal exam at her check-up, the amniotic sac "accidentally" ruptured. Due to her work in recovery and a strong muscle for accepting responsibility, she kept coming back to the feeling that she was somehow creating these situations herself - she called this "the choke-hold of control". Melissa caught herself forming negative beliefs like, "Everything's going wrong" and "Nothing is going to be easy." Once her OB broke her waters, she was advised to be induced, and an extremely long and difficult labor ensued.

Traumatized by her first birth, Melissa both took greater responsibility and surrendered further in her second pregnancy, realizing that the only person who had to "have her back" was herself.  A year later, she birthed her second daughter on her terms and far more quickly and easily than she dreamed.

Today Melissa views pregnancy as a powerful vessel for self-growth and transformation--a container she says which, "poured MiracleGro on all her issues," while learning the delicate balance of what she could and could not control. 

Melissa is the author of the following books:

https://linktr.ee/MelissaPennel

Questions You'll Wish You Asked: A Time Capsule Journal for Parents and Children
Questions You'll Wish You Asked: A Time Capsule  Journal for Grandmothers and Grandchildren
The Motherless New Mother's Pregnancy Journal

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