Mini Bad Boy Special: Beef Pies, Bad Knees & Bullseye at Midnight

Eggsy and Adam (later Rhys) crack open a warm tour can and take us on a magical mystery ride through the 2025 GLC tour:

• Manchester – Misty appears like the Welsh Elton John, crowd goes absolutely batshit, and some bloke called Dom drinks alone in the dressing room.
• Kendall – Chef chops off half his finger and bleeds all over the fish and chips. Very rock ’n’ roll.
• Margate – The boys drink in a pub that might be called “The Bag o’ Buckets” or something. Adam goes home early for Bullseye.
• Bexhill – Eggsy has a pre-show dinner of ice cream followed by a Pot Noodle. Athlete.
• Newcastle – Ladyboys of Bangkok next door; Billy does 10 poos; someone gets smashed in a beer hall; Rhys injures his leg after two songs and ends up being medically laughed at by NHS staff.
• Hull – A pub so terrifying even GLC walk straight back out.
• Nottingham – Longest graffiti penis ever documented.
• Exmouth to Falmouth – Trego Mills nearly causes a religious experience. Pete Doherty’s dog exposes its luminous anus.
• Frome – Adam once performed an entire gig four seconds behind reality.
• Bridgend – The beer tastes like farts and everyone has to move dressing rooms mid-gig.
• Ipswich – The lads stay up late watching a sci-fi porno on Talking Pictures TV that scarred them spiritually.
• Oxford – Beef pie dream achieved; Adam pukes on his own poo and is reborn stronger.
• Reading – Full English served in a bowl, ghost made of glittery smoke appears in the corridor.
• Southampton – The boys all fall asleep on sofas and Adam makes a tiny mouse-squeak in his sleep that becomes the highlight of the tour.
• Another place – Venue staff demand an extra 15 minutes of rapping; GLC politely refuse and drink heavily at a golf club instead.

The boys close with a reminder that next year’s tour is Stairway to Newport, featuring their ongoing search for the mythical perfect steak and ale pie — roaring fire, pub dog (but not one with worms), proper ale, shortcrust pastry, the lot.

This episode is 55 minutes of pure Newport chaos that you’ll never get back — but you’ll be glad you spent it.

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