“Contra Pace on When to Apologize” by Zack_M_Davis

BOJACK: Hey, I wanted to talk to you about—you know—I feel bad about what happened.
HERB: So, you're apologizing.
BOJACK: Yes. I'm sorry.
HERB: Okay. I don't forgive you.
BOJACK: Herb, I said I'm sorry.
HERB: Yeah. And I do not forgive you.
BOJACK: Uh, not sure you get what's happening here. This could be the last time that you—
HERB: No. I'm not going to give you closure. You don't get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay.
BOJACK: I really think that we'd both feel better if we just—
HERB: I'm dying! I'm not going to feel better. And I'm not going to be your prop so you can feel better.

—Bojack Horseman, "The Telescope"

In "The Financial Ledger Theory of Apologies", Ben Pace argues against the view that one should only apologize for having harmed someone if one acknowledges that one should have behaved differently. Rather, Pace thinks that it makes sense to accept ex post costs imposed on others "on one's own ledger" even if one has no intention of [...]

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Outline:

(01:41) Genuine Regret Implies Policy Updates

(04:58) Apologies Need Not Be Accepted

(07:49) Limited Liability Is Not a Gift From Debtors to Creditors

(09:06) Insincere Apologies Are Fake, Not Supererogatory

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First published:
June 18th, 2026

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/E9Ff3zkmjG99LBBJH/contra-pace-on-when-to-apologize

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.