Eldest daughter syndrome and the trouble with parentification.

Ask Rachel anything

The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome is reported to have had a whopping 24.7 million views on TikTok, and counting, but what is it and why is it getting so much attention?  

We look at the issues faced by the eldest sibling in the family, then talk more specifically about why daughters can feel resentful of the role that's foisted on them. It's easily done by us parents, particularly if we live in a patriarchal society.  

The expectation that they will do more of the emotional and domestic heavy-lifting in the family than the other siblings can teach them great life-skills, even make them successful in the workplace, but it can also make them resentful at missing out on the benefits of childhood. 

In this episode we talk about how we spot it and what can we do to rebalance what might be happening in our family. 

THE BOOK I MENTIONED:

• The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough

BRILLIANT ARTICLE ON HOW IT TURNS UP IN ADULTHOOD:

https://open.substack.com/pub/drheatherengland/p/it-was-a-big-deal-i-just-couldnt?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios

USEFUL ARTICLES FROM HOME GIRLS UNITE ON INSTAGRAM:

• https://www.npr.org/2010/11/18/131424878/how-much-does-birth-order-shape-our-lives
• https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/
• https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilities

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM SAGE THERAPY CHICAGO:

• The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman
• The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Our Family Order Influences Our Lives by 
  Lisette Schuitemaker 
• The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey Kluger
• Sisters First: Stories from Our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce Bush
• You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives by Deborah Tannen
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

REFERENCES USED: 

• https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/
• https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-oldest-daughter-syndrome#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20responsibilities%20and,siblings%20from%20a%20younger%20age.
• https://www.modernintimacy.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome/#:~:text=Signs%20of%20Eldest%20Daughter%20Syndrome%20in%20Adulthood&text=Eldest%20daughters%20often%20shoulder%20a,mode%E2%80%9D%20when%20there%20is%20discord.
• https://omny.fm/shows/the-psychology-of-your-20-s/147-the-psychology-of-the-eldest-daughter
• https://www.sagetherapychicago.com/post/understanding-eldest-daughter-syndrome-navigating-the-challenges-and-finding-balance#:~:text=Delegate%20Responsibilities%3A%20Don't%20hesitate,that%20rejuvenate%20and%20energize%20you.

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