Pure Desire Podcast
Your biblically based and clinically informed approach to breaking free from compulsive sexual behavior and healing from betrayal.
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412 - Neurodivergence, Addiction, & Healing w/ Jenna Riemersma
In this episode, we dive into the world of neurodivergence and its unique connection to addiction and recovery. Our guest, Jenna Riemersma, shares insights into what neurodivergence means and offers examples of behaviors that may be seen in neurodivergent individuals.
We explore the specific challenges they face when dealing with addiction and recovery, and how mental health stigma can impact their journey. We also discuss the concept of self-regulation and its relationship to addictive behaviors, as well as the importance of neurodiversity education in addiction recovery settings. We provide practical strategies for managing recovery and how family and friends can better support neurodivergent individuals.
Resources:
Association For Autism & Neurodiversity
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411 - Jay Stringer on Mental Health, Healing, & Transformation
In this episode, we delve deep into the intersection of mental health, trauma, and unwanted sexual behavior, exploring how our past experiences shape our present struggles. Our guest, Jay Stringer, shares powerful insights into the connection between unresolved wounds and their impact on mental health, offering practical guidance on how to approach healing with curiosity instead of self-condemnation. We discuss the importance of understanding our stories, how attachment theory influences our relationships and mental health, and how faith can play a pivotal role in the healing process.
We’ll explore why it's crucial to focus on the "why" behind behaviors, rather than simply trying to stop them, and how to break free from unhealthy patterns that keep us stuck. With compassion and curiosity at the core of the conversation, Jay offers valuable advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed in their healing journey, helping them take their first practical steps toward mental wellness.
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410 - Social Media, Porn, & Mental Health w/ Ben Bennett
In this episode, we dig into the intersection of pornography use, social media, and mental health, exploring how these modern influences are shaping our perceptions of intimacy, relationships, and self-worth. We discuss how most people's journey with porn typically begins, early signs that it’s negatively affecting mental health, and how social media plays a significant role in fueling these behaviors.
Our conversation addresses common mental health challenges linked to problematic porn and social media use, such as anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. We explore how these habits can distort a person’s understanding of relationships and sexuality, and the shame and guilt that often accompany these struggles, exacerbating mental health issues.
We discuss the underlying personality traits that make someone more vulnerable to using porn or social media as coping mechanisms, and the role isolation plays in worsening emotional distress. We offer practical advice on how to recognize when porn and social media use are negatively impacting mental health and relationships, and the first steps toward healing and recovery.
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409 - The Church, Mental Health, & Healing w/ Dr. Carol Tanksley
In this episode, we explore the intersection of faith and mental health with Dr. Carol Tanksley who has dedicated their life to helping others heal from fear, anxiety, grief, and more. We’ll talk about the Church’s role in addressing mental health struggles, unpack common misconceptions Christians hold about anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges, and discuss how believers can distinguish between spiritual battles and mental health issues.
This conversation highlights the importance of creating safe spaces within the Church for those struggling with mental health, the role of community in the healing process, and offers powerful encouragement for those feeling hopeless in their battle with mental health challenges.
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408 - Resurrecting Biblical Sexuality
In this episode, we dive into the topic of biblical sexuality with Rodney Wright. We discuss his passion for addressing this often-overlooked issue and why the conversation around biblical sexuality is “dead” in many churches today. Exploring beyond the simple “sex is for marriage” approach, we discuss how we can recover a more holistic, biblical understanding of human sexuality in a modern context.
Rodney shares insights on balancing sexual holiness with compassion for those struggling with brokenness, the role of marriage in God’s design, and how the resurrection of Jesus brings renewal to both our sexuality and community. Plus, we preview how churches can better support singles in embracing biblical sexuality. Tune in for an enlightening and thought-provoking conversation!
Resources:
Unlocking The Bibles Wisdom on Addiction
Parent Training Course Trailer
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407 - Resurrecting a View of Sexual and Single
In this episode, we dig into the often overlooked intersection of singleness and sexuality, exploring how we can resurrect a healthier, more holistic view of both. We discuss the importance of stewarding sexual desire with integrity, especially in a culture that promotes instant gratification and casual relationships.
Our guests share their personal stories of God’s redemptive work in their sexuality during their single years and offer insights on how the church can better support and value singles. We also explore the difference between sexuality and sensuality and how to hold space for both desire and disappointment with hope and faith.
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406 - Resurrecting a Dead Marriage
Description
In this raw and vulnerable episode, Mike and Megan Ramirez share their powerful journey of rediscovering hope and redemption in their marriage after hitting rock bottom. They take us back to the moment of discovery, revealing how a devastating truth almost ended it all. Through heartache, denial, and moments of deep despair, they walk us through their process of healing, the critical steps they took to save their marriage, and the people who played pivotal roles in their transformation.
They reveal how God turned their darkest days into milestones of redemption, transforming what was once a marriage on the brink of collapse into a thriving partnership. They share the daily habits, mindset shifts, and lessons learned that have helped them rebuild and sustain their bond, offering practical insights on how to keep a marriage strong.
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405 - Resurrection From a Life of Fear and Anxiety w/ Dr. Curt Thompson
In today’s episode, we sit down with Dr. Curt Thompson to explore the complex relationship between anxiety, trauma, and the stories we tell ourselves. We discuss how feelings of anxiety and aloneness are intertwined, how trauma affects the brain, and the powerful role of secure relationships and community in healing.
Dr. Thompson also shares practical steps for understanding and moving through anxiety, breaking free from isolation, and reconnecting with others and with God. Plus, we dive into the impact of spiritual practices like prayer and Scripture meditation in calming the mind and grounding us in peace. Don’t miss this enlightening conversation!
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404 - Resurrecting Sexual Health in the Church w/ Andrew Rothrock
In this impactful episode, we sit down with Pastor Andrew Rothrock of Riverbend Church in Bend, Oregon, to explore what it means to create a church culture that actively supports sexual health and healing. Riverbend is setting a powerful example by making recovery from compulsive sexual behavior and betrayal trauma a visible and valued part of their ministry.
We talk with Andrew about why their church made sexual wholeness a key discipleship focus, how they’ve integrated Pure Desire groups into the life of their community, and the incredible transformation they’re seeing in both individuals and marriages.
From reducing shame to developing future leaders, this episode is full of encouragement for churches and pastors who want to lead with grace and truth in this vital area.
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Order ‘Beyond The Porn Phenomenon Now!
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403 - Helping Women Escape Exploitation
In this powerful episode, we sit down with Jasmine Marino, Founder and Director of Jasmine Grace Outreach, to discuss their life-changing work helping survivors escape sex trafficking and begin their recovery journey. From providing tailored recovery support groups to offering essential mentoring and coaching, Jasmine Grace Outreach goes above and beyond to empower individuals who have experienced both sexual exploitation and addiction.
We dive into the challenges the organization faces, the unique needs of survivors, and how they work to raise awareness about the links between addiction, pornography, and trafficking.
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402 - How Pornography Fuels a Culture of Abuse w/ NCOSE VP of Research, Lisa Thompson
In this eye-opening episode, we’re joined by Lisa Thompson, Vice President of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation’s Research Institute. We delve into the complex and often misunderstood connection between pornography and sexual exploitation. We explore how the consumption of porn fuels industries that profit from human trafficking and exploitation, and the psychological, relational, and societal consequences of widespread pornography use. We discuss the legal gaps that allow these harms to persist, and what policies need to change to protect vulnerable individuals.
We also tackle the role of social media and mainstream platforms in spreading exploitative content and the accountability measures that should be in place. Parents and caregivers will gain insight into the significant impact pornography has on children and teens, with practical advice on how to safeguard their well-being.
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401 - What No One Tells You About The Sex Industry
In this eye-opening episode, we dig into the complexities of the adult entertainment industry, shedding light on the personal stories often hidden behind its glitzy façade. Rey Jordan, a counselor with experience working with individuals in the industry, shares her insights on the real-life struggles that lead people to seek counseling and the trauma that shapes their experiences.
We discuss the pathways many women take into the adult industry, the societal narratives that fail to reflect their true stories, and the ways in which pain and trauma shape their journeys. This conversation challenges the popular belief that adult performers are simply making a "choice," and explores the damaging cultural assumptions that perpetuate this mindset.
The conversation touches on how the public’s view of pornography and the adult industry could change if people understood the deeper realities behind it. We discuss how people in recovery can use their healing to create positive change, and offer advice for those wanting to make a difference in the lives of those affected by the adult entertainment industry. Tune in for a powerful discussion that will change the way you think about these difficult issues.
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400 - Celebrating 400 Episodes w/ Listener Q&A
Today we’re celebrating episode 400 of the Pure Desire Podcast! So we did things a little differently. We talk through the most memorable episodes, the most surprising guests, and Nick’s most unique opening song. We also share a couple testimonies from listeners personally impacted by the podcast. Then, we mix things up by doing a listener’s Q&A. We answer questions about: lying during the recovery process; why sexually acting out feels so personal to the betrayed partner; what the Superhero’s Odyssey revealed; how to equip the Church to reach teens; and more.
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399 - Reintegrating Sex After Betrayal
In this episode, we tackle the challenging yet crucial topic of reintegrating sex into a marriage after betrayal. Rebecca Vander Meer and Traci Wright, two Pure Desire Clinicians, share why this is such a struggle for many couples and the common mistakes that can hinder progress. From rushing the process to overlooking emotional intimacy, we explore what couples can do to overcome these obstacles.
The conversation also highlights key strategies that successful couples use—such as open communication, mutual respect, and taking things step by step—to rebuild a healthy and fulfilling physical connection. Join us for an honest and insightful discussion on navigating this sensitive journey together.
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398 - Rebuilding Marital Trust w/ Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith
In this episode, we delve into the emotional journey of couples healing from betrayal. We’re joined by Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, relationship experts and authors, who share insights from their work on the Intimacy Pyramid—a framework designed to help couples rebuild trust, connection, and intimacy after a betrayal. We explore the different stages of healing, from honesty and emotional safety to full intimacy, and how this process varies for betraying spouses, betrayed partners, and the couple as a whole. We discuss common roadblocks couples face and how they can overcome them. Matthew and Joanna offer practical steps couples can take right now to start healing, as well as encouragement for anyone who feels stuck or hopeless on their journey to restoration.
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397 - The Deep Rooted Marriage w/ Dr. Dan Allender
In this episode, we are joined by Dr. Dan Allender, renowned author and counselor, to discuss the themes of his latest book: The Deep-Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Intimacy, Healing, and Delight. Dan shares the inspiration behind writing it and offers powerful insights into strengthening marriages.
We explore key questions such as: What does it mean to truly honor your spouse? How can couples resolve conflicts without one partner feeling submissive? What role do past wounds play in shaping our present relationships?
Dan also discusses how shame, judgment, and resentment hinder intimacy, and how Christians can use therapeutic skills to foster connection. Join us for an enlightening conversation on love, vulnerability, and healing.
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396 - Rupture & Repair: Strengthening the Parent-Child Bond w/ Dr. Jake Porter
In this episode, we dive deep into the transformative concept of "rupture and repair" in parenting with expert Dr. Jake Porter. As a featured expert in the Parent Training Course, he unpacks the crucial role this process plays in building stronger, more resilient relationships between parents and children.
We explore what happens when emotional ruptures occur—whether through misunderstandings, miscommunication, or outbursts—and how parents can recognize when their child feels disconnected or hurt. Dr. Jake shares practical insights on how to approach repair with vulnerability, empathy, and emotional presence, offering concrete strategies for parents navigating the complexities of connection and healing.
Tune in for actionable advice, relatable stories, and expert wisdom on fostering deeper bonds with your children through the process of rupture and repair.
Resources:
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Dr. Jake Porter's Youtube Channel
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395 - Parenting In A Digital Age w/ Kristen Jenson
In this episode, we tackle one of the most pressing concerns for parents today: protecting children from the dangers of pornography. Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, shares her inspiration behind writing the book and her mission to help parents guide their young children through the complexities of online content in a way that is age-appropriate and effective.
We discuss the concept of "porn-proofing" children, which was explored in Pure Desire’s new Parent Training Course, and why it's more crucial than ever for parents to take an active role in safeguarding their kids from harmful material.
With many parents feeling overwhelmed by the task of guiding their children through the digital landscape, Nick, Heather, and Kristen provide practical advice on how to approach these tough conversations with confidence, compassion, and love. Whether you're just starting to think about these issues or are already deep in the process of "porn-proofing" your children, this episode offers essential tools and insights for every parent in today’s digital age.
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394 - Educating Parents On Biblical Sexual Health
Join us as we explore the intersection of faith and sexual health education, with expert insights from Dr. Glen Maiden on how to approach teaching children about sex from a biblical perspective. As a biblical sexual health educator, Dr. Glen shares how to approach this sensitive topic with children in a way that honors faith-based values while promoting healthy, balanced views of sexuality.
We discuss how to introduce sexual health teachings to children, both from a practical and scriptural standpoint, and how biblical principles can shape these conversations. We discuss how parents can break free from unhealthy or shame-based approaches to sexuality, especially if they grew up in environments where sex was stigmatized or misunderstood.
You'll learn how to talk about sex in a way that avoids instilling shame or fear, and instead, encourages healthy, respectful attitudes toward their bodies and relationships. For parents who feel uncertain or overwhelmed by these conversations, this episode offers compassionate advice on how to approach the subject with confidence and grace.
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Hope XP App On Google Play Store
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393 - Training Parents For Conversations About Sex
In today’s episode, we dive deep into one of the most important—and often most uncomfortable—topics for parents: talking with your kids about sex. We’re joined by Rodney and Traci Wright, authors of How to Talk With Your Kids About Sex and the primary speakers in Pure Desire’s new Parent Training Course. We tackle key issues like how to address our own sexual health as parents, the challenges of today's media landscape, and how to adjust these conversations as children grow. We also discuss common fears parents have, such as whether talking about sex too early might encourage risky behavior—and why, in fact, it can help prevent it. This conversation goes beyond the biology of sex and emphasizes the emotional, spiritual, and relational aspects that are just as critical to discuss with kids. You'll hear how trust plays a crucial role in keeping the lines of communication open and what parents can do if they've missed early opportunities to talk about sex.
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Parent Training Course Trailer
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392 - She Deserves Better w/ Sheila Wray Gregoire
Navigating healthy relationships with teens can feel overwhelming, especially in a culture full of conflicting messages about identity and sexuality. In this episode, we explore how to raise kids with a biblically grounded and holistic view of sexuality. Drawing from Sheila Wray Gregoire's new book, She Deserves Better, this conversation offers practical tools and transformative insights for parents, youth leaders, and anyone invested in guiding the next generation. Whether you're teaching boundaries, addressing purity culture's impact, or fostering open and respectful conversations, this episode equips you to build healthier relationships and a stronger foundation of faith. Perfect for parents, mentors, and anyone committed to shaping a future of integrity and connection, this discussion encourages you to approach these challenges with wisdom and grace.
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391 - Looking Back & Looking Ahead
Happy New Year’s Eve! In this special year-end episode, host Nick Stumbo and guest co-host Heather Kolb dive into the value of self-reflection as we close out one year and prepare for the next. Whether you’re in the middle of a recovery journey, pursuing personal growth, or simply looking for practical ways to start the new year with purpose, this episode has something for you.
Nick and Heather discuss why self-reflection is vital, not just at the end of the year but throughout our lives. They explore how pausing to look back can help us uncover insights about ourselves, our relationships, and our faith, and how those insights can inform our steps forward. Learn practical tips for identifying priorities, setting achievable goals, and inviting God and others into the process.
Tune in for practical wisdom, heartfelt encouragement, and a few laughs as we look back on the past year and step boldly into 2025.
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390 - Navigating Relational Stress During The Holidays
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389 - Parents, Porn, and the Church w/ Sam Black (Part 8/8)
Sam Black, the author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It and the Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes, joins the podcast today to wrap up an 8-part deep dive into the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church. Together, Nick, Ashley, and Sam explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing. This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
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388 - Rebuilding Trust Together w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (Part 7/8)
According to Beyond the Porn Phenomenon, women are 3x more likely to say porn use of a partner makes them feel that their spouse doesn’t care about them. Dr. Barbara Steffens helps break down why porn use connects so acutely to the relationship for women, shares advice you would give to create change, and why pornography use by one spouse is not a marriage issue but rather an issue that impacts and wounds the marriage. Dr. Barbara Steffens, the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists.
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387 - How Pornography Use Impacts Marriage w/ Carol Juergensen Sheets (Part 6/8)
Carol Juergensen Sheets, better known as Carol the Coach, joins the podcast today in part 6 of our deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon. Carol helps us unpack some of the specific stats that impact relationships and gives insight into how the church can support betrayed partners.
Nick, Ashley, and Carol discuss how this research can raise awareness, spark new conversations, and guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing.
This eight episode exploration into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
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386 - How The Porn Industry Secretly Preys on Women w/ Crystal Renaud Day (Part 5/8)
In part five of our deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon report, we’re joined by Crystal Renaud Day. She is the CEO and Founder of Living on Purpose, as well as the Founder and Executive Director of SheRecovery. Crystal joins the podcast today to share her insights on the new data on pornography use, its impact on young women who struggle, and how this equips the Church to be a safe place for healing. Together, Nick, Ashley, and Crystal explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and providing real hope for healing. This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
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385 - The Church MUST Address This w/ Sean McDowell (Part 4/8)
In part four of our deep dive into the Beyond the Porn Phenomenon report, we’re joined by Dr. Sean McDowell to discuss the subtle dangers of denial and rationalization around pornography within Christian communities. Dr. McDowell shares insights from his years of research and experience in helping the church engage with this difficult topic. We address questions around why so many feel “comfortable” with their struggles, the vital role of recovery ministries, and how the church can create a compassionate, welcoming space for true transformation. Join us for a conversation that sheds light on a subject too often left in the shadows. Dr. Sean McDowell is a renowned professor, author, apologist, and a contributing voice to Beyond the Porn Phenomenon.
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384 - Reclaiming Authentic Intimacy w/ Juli Slattery (Part 3/8)
Dr. Juli Slattery a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, joins the podcast for part three of our series looking at the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church.
Together, Nick, Ashley, and Juli explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing.
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383 - How Data Leads To Change w/ Daniel Copeland (Part 2/8)
Daniel Copeland, Senior Lead Researcher of Barna Group, joins the podcast today for the second episode in our 8-part deep dive into the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church. Together, they explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing. This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
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382 - Beyond The Porn Phenomenon w/ David Kinnaman (Part 1/8)
David Kinnaman, CEO of Barna Group, joins the podcast today to help kick off an 8-part deep dive into the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church. Together, with Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson, they explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing.
This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
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381 - Moving Beyond Sobriety W/ Jenna Riemersma
Jenna Riemersma is back again to explore why true healing goes beyond sobriety. This is a deep dive into the role of trauma and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy addresses underlying issues that drive compulsive behaviors. Whether you’re new to recovery or looking to deepen your healing journey, Jenna’s insights will offer fresh perspectives on understanding and embracing the parts of ourselves that carry pain and shame. Don't miss this powerful conversation on moving beyond mere behavior change to experiencing true transformation.
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380 - Caring For Partners Well
Jeanne Vittoni is the president of APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) and joins the podcast to discuss the vital role of partner care in sex addiction recovery.
With over 25 years of experience working with trauma survivors, Jeanne unpacks how understanding trauma symptomatology, setting up safe support systems, and getting proper training can accelerate the healing process.
Jeanne shares her insights on trauma recovery for betrayed partners, why it’s important to address both the addict’s and the partner’s healing, and how proper trauma care can transform a relationship.
Whether you're a struggling addict, a betrayed partner, or a professional wanting to offer better support, this episode will provide valuable strategies for navigating the road to recovery together.
Resources:
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse Book
Betrayal Trauma Religious Leaders (BTRL) Training
FREE Pure Desire Counseling Consultation
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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379 - The Role of Intensives in Recovery
Nick is joined by Robert Vander Meer and Matt Wenger to discuss the transformative impact of two-week intensives on sexual addiction recovery. This episode is a deep dive into the TINSA model (Trauma-Induced Sexual Addiction) exploring how intensives help uncover the "why" behind addiction and the importance of addressing both personal trauma and relational healing.
Matt Wenger is the Clinical Director of Boulder Recovery in Boulder, Colorado.
Resources
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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378 - Intimate Deception w/ Dr. Sheri Denham-Keffer
Today’s guest, Dr. Sheri Denham-Keffer, is the author of Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, a therapist, and betrayed partner herself.
Dr. Denham-Keffer shares insights on betrayal trauma, healing, and recovery. This episode offers hope and guidance for those facing betrayal or compulsive sexual behaviors. The discussion covers the impact of sexual deception, the importance of truth-telling, and practical steps for partners to rebuild their lives.
Resources
Intimate Deception: Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Betrayal
FREE MONTH Of Brave One Community
Brave One Recommended Resources
FREE Pure Desire Counseling Consultation
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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377 - Launching Pure Desire Group: A Church Success Story
Nick and Rodney sit down with Pastor Ryan Oletzke of True Hope Church in Spokane, Washington, to discuss how to start Pure Desire groups in your church, break shame, and build a culture of honesty.
Ryan shares how his church addressed sexual brokenness by launching Pure Desire groups, starting with over 200 people participating in Sexual Integrity 101. He offers practical insights on building a culture of vulnerability, lowering shame, and leading a church to find healing and freedom.
This episode is a must-listen for pastors and church leaders looking to make a real impact in their communities by addressing sexual health and recovery.
RESOURCES
How to Start Pure Desire Groups brochure.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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376 - Reaching the Next Gen
This episode explores the challenges young people face today, including mental health issues, pornography, and the impact of growing up in the digital age.
Ben Bennett, leader of the Resolution Movement, shares his experience connecting with Gen Z through social media and offering hope, freedom, and healing through the message of Christ. Join Nick Stumbo, John Begeman, and Ben as they discuss how curiosity, compassion, and authentic relationships can help guide this generation toward healthy sexuality and mental well-being.
Resources
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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375 - Facing Our Trauma Story
Today, we’re welcoming Louie Kazemier to the podcast. Louie is a longtime friend of Pure Desire and opens up about confronting childhood trauma, overcoming resistance to group therapy, and finding freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. His story is a testament to the power of vulnerability, community, and God’s grace in the healing process.
Whether you’re on your own recovery journey or supporting someone else, this episode offers hope and encouragement. Tune in to hear Louie’s inspiring story of transformation.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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374 - 10 Mistakes When Launching Recovery Groups
Today, Nick Stumbo and Rich Moore explore 10 common mistakes churches make when launching recovery groups. They share practical advice on avoiding pitfalls like isolating or shaming language and the dangers of a quick-fix approach.
This episode is essential for pastors and leaders looking to create and sustain effective, long-lasting recovery groups within their church community.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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373 - Empathy and Emotional Awareness
Today, we’re diving into a topic that is often overlooked but crucial to the healing and recovery process—empathy and emotional awareness. We’ll explore the importance of developing empathy, not just for yourself but within relationships, especially in the context of recovery from addiction and healing from betrayal.
Through personal stories, practical advice, and proven tools, we’ll discuss how empathy can be a game-changer in reversing isolation, breaking addiction, and fostering deeper, healthier connections.
Whether you're in recovery, supporting a loved one, or simply looking to improve your relationships, this episode offers valuable insights into building empathy and emotional resilience.
RESOURCES
Gottman's Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident
FANOS Checkin:
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372 - Healing From Sexual Abuse w/ Marnie Ferree
In this episode, Marnie Ferree, the founder of Bethesda Workshops, courageously shares her journey of healing from sexual abuse and addiction, offering hope and practical insights for anyone on a similar path. This powerful conversation highlights the importance of understanding your story, embracing God’s redemptive power, and finding support in the healing process.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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371 - Changing The Paradigm Around Sex In The Church
Today Nick and Rodney discuss powerful insights on how to approach the conversation around sexuality in the church with love and grace. They emphasize the importance of sharing your personal journey without shame, offering support to church leaders, and fostering a more open and healing environment.
Whether you're a church leader or a congregation member, this episode provides practical advice on creating positive change in your community. Discover how to engage in meaningful conversations that lead to transformation.
Don't forget to subscribe, share this episode, and leave a review to help others start their healing journey.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
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370 - How Can The Betrayed Heart Heal? w/ Barbara Steffens
God has the ability to redeem even the darkest times.
Dr. Steffens takes a deep dive into the healing and recovery process following betrayal—focused mostly on the betrayed partner but also on how the betrayer can help the process. You will be encouraged and gain hope for the future! There is a proven path and essential tools for healing and growth, when we invite God to do what only He can do: REDEEM.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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369 - From Isolation To Collaboration w/ Nate Larkin
Recovery doesn’t have to feel like solitary confinement.
As with many areas of our lives, we need others to walk alongside us, to encourage and support us. And this is especially true when it comes to our recovery and healing journey.
Today we’re revisiting Nate Larkin’s session from the 2023 Pure Desire Summit to learn what it looks like to redefine recovery as a team sport. In community is where recovery happens best.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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368 - Rebuilding Life After Discovery
The moment of discovery in a marriage or relationship is crushing. The exposure of sexual addiction or unfaithfulness wrecks the relationship. Is there any hope to rebuild? Should we even rebuild? On today's episode, we're joined by Traci Wright (Pure Desire Clinician). Traci knows firsthand the damage the discovery of sexual betrayal does. But she also knows the healing power of Jesus and walking a recovery and healing journey. With Traci's help, we talk through what it looks like to rebuild our lives after discovery.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP)
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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367 - Stories Of Healing: Vicki & Johnny Greenfield
Vicki and Johnny Greenfield are legends in the Pure Desire community! Today, we get to hear their story of healing. Starting with how sexuality was discussed in their homes, moving to sexual brokenness and how it entered their lives, and then moving to how God healed them and their marriage—their story is powerful! Not only will you be encouraged by their story of healing, but you will be inspired by how God is using them in their heart to help other hurting couples. Enjoy the Greenfield's story—it's incredible!
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP)
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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366 - Betrayal Triggers
Today's episode addresses a listener's question—how to manage betrayal triggers. Most of us are aware of triggers for those struggling with addictive or compulsive sexual behavior. But are there such a thing as betrayal triggers? The answer is an emphatic YES! Ashley Jameson joins us to discuss what betrayal triggers are, how to identify them, how to bring healing to them, and what couples can do to help each other navigate triggers.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (WOMEN’S BETRAYAL RESOURCE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
RELAPSE PREVENTION PLAN (3 CIRCLES TOOL)
ASSOCIATION OF PARTNERS OF SEX ADDICTS TRAUMA SPECIALISTS
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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365 - Brand New Stats On Porn In The Church
We have a very SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT on today's episode! Pure Desire is partnering with one of the most influential research firms in the world to bring forth new statistics on the impact of pornography in the church. We're joined by Heather Kolb and Ashley Jameson (hosts of our newest show, Unfiltered) to discuss the origins of this research project, our hopes for this new data, some of the initial findings of the research, and how to get this information in your hands (including a launch event you won't want to miss)!
RESOURCES
Barna Launch Event (REGISTER NOW)
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Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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364 - Repairing Relational Injury w/ Dr. Jake Porter
Significant relational injury occurs at the moment of discovery. One spouse finally feels free because the truth of their addiction or infidelity is out in the open. The other partner feels buried with trauma and has to reinterpret every aspect of their relationship history. On today’s episode, we are joined by Dr. Jake Porter (licensed therapist and founder, president, and CEO of Daring Ventures). Dr. Jake helps us talk through the relational injury caused by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. We discuss what both spouses need after relational injury and how to fully heal from it.
RESOURCES
Daring Ventures (Dr. Jake's Organization)
Dr. Jake Porter's YouTube Channel
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS)
Pure Desire Disclosure Counseling
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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363 - The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly Of Purity Culture w/ Katherine Gallagher
Many of us who grew up in the church experienced purity culture—a significant emphasis on sexual purity, especially with young people. While purity culture had good motivations, it has caused its fair share of damage—shame, guilt, and trauma. On today’s episode, we are joined by Katherine Gallagher, the Executive Director of GoStrategic, an author and speaker on the topic of sexual purity. Katherine discusses the good, the bad, and the ugly of purity culture.
RESOURCES
GoStrategic (Katherine's organization)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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362 - Staying Healthy For The Summer
Summer months bring so much fun and excitement. But for those who are on the recovery journey, summer brings its own set of challenges. Warm weather means less clothing. This means more opportunities for temptations and triggers. On today’s episode, we talk about why summer can be so challenging, what we can do to be prepared for this season, and what it looks like to stay healthy!
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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361 - The Cyclone Of Addiction
Addiction can be challenging to wrap our head around. What is addiction? How did this happen? Why me? Robert Vander Meer is on the podcast today to discuss the image and behavior of a cyclone and how this metaphor is helpful in understanding how and why addiction shows up in our life.
RESOURCES
Cyclone of Addiction (from Pillar Six, Lesson One of Seven Pillars of Freedom)
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360 - Edging In Recovery
Matt Dobschuetz, host of Porn Free Radio and founder of Recovered Man, is back on the show today!
Today, we talk about edging—non-relapse behaviors that follow our addictive patterns. We talk about what qualifies as edging, how to become more aware of any edging behaviors, the importance of check-ins with our community or group, and how to address these behaviors when we see them.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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359 - Helping Next Gen Navigate Healthy Relationships w/ Barb Winters
Helping the next generation is not only about teaching what NOT TO DO. It also includes teaching them what TO DO.
On today’s episode, we’re joined by Barb Winters, founder of HopefulMom.net and author of Sexpectations.
Barb talks us through her experience in helping her children break free of pornography addiction and equipping them with the tools they need for healthy relationships. Barb speaks from her personal experience: as a parent not knowing where to start and now an expert in the area of equipping parents to help their kids.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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358 - Becoming Authentically You (Women's Takeover)
It’s here—a NEW group resource for single women!
What does it look like to live sexually healthy as a single woman?
Today, authors Heather Kolb and Ashley Jameson join us to talk through our new resource for single women, Authentically You.
They talk through who is the target audience, what makes Authentically You unique, the differences between this new resource and other resources we have for women, and much more!
RESOURCES
Behind the Mask (Recovery Resource for Student Women)
Unraveled (Recovery Resource for Married Women)
Authentically You (Recovery Resource for Single/Unmarried Women)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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357 - Healthy Separation
“Separation” is usually a swear word for church folk.
This is understandable when it’s done wrong. But separation can actually be a healthy tool used for the restoration of a marriage.
Today, we’re joined by a Pure Desire Clinician, Eileen Fagan, who defines a healthy or “therapeutic” separation and the benefits it can give a struggling couple. We talk through natural hesitations or fears with marital separation, when NOT to separate, and the importance of professional help and support in marital separations.
RESOURCES
Recovery Action Plan For Addicts
Get Started:
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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356 - Reconciling Addiction & Theology
When Christians are faced with the word “addiction,” there can be a significant reaction against something we don’t see clearly in Scripture. The word “addiction” doesn’t naturally seem to fit into our theological framework.
Today, we’re joined by author and speaker, Ben Bennett, to give us a new framework for reconciling addiction and theology. We explore how Scripture speaks directly to addiction, how to integrate psychology and theology, and how the recovery and healing journey can enhance our faith in Jesus.
RESOURCES
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355 - Porn & Mental Health
The term “mental health” can be fuzzy. Are we talking about anxiety? Depression? Something more? All of the above?
Ben Bennett joins us today to talk about the connection between viewing pornography and mental health issues. Ben speaks of porn’s role in his personal battle with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideations and how recovery impacts our mental health, our faith in Jesus, and our ability to follow Him.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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354 - Healthy Communication
We all know communication is important. But what does healthy communication look like for a couple on the recovery and healing journey? Shari Chinchen, a Pure Desire Clinician, joins us today to discuss what makes communication healthy or unhealthy. We also discuss how to keep healthy communication a priority AND how to train our kids for healthy communication in their relationships.
RESOURCES
The Four Horsemen (Blog by Gottman Institute)
Keep your Love On (Danny Silk)
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353 - Becoming A Compassionate Warrior
Many men who’ve been through the Pure Desire recovery process have asked, “What’s after Seven Pillars of Freedom?” Well, today’s episode is all about answering this question. Clinician and speaker, Robert Vander Meer, joins us to talk about our new resource, The Compassionate Warrior (to which Robert contributed). We talk through what this resource is, how it helps men see their life and recovery through the lens of “story,” and how it helps create a lasting legacy of health.
RESOURCES
Hero With A Thousand Faces (Joseph Campbell)
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352 - Stories From The Church: Faith Chapel
Today, we get to hear from Robert Nelson and Annie Burt (staff members at Faith Chapel in Billings, Montana). Robert and Annie talk us through their journey of implementing Pure Desire groups and resources at Faith Chapel. We talk through initial hurdles, challenges they’ve faced, the fruit they’re seeing from their efforts, and lots in between.
RESOURCES
Immanuel Garraway (Church Relations Specialist)
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351 - FAQ #17
Today’s episode is one of our favorites! We have another Frequently Asked Questions episode where you, the listener, has sent in topical questions for us to discuss. We are joined by Traci Wright, one of our beloved clinicians, to talk about idolizing recovery, anniversaries of trauma, disclosure in dating and engagement, and more.
RESOURCES
FREE 15 Minute Counseling Consultation
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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350 - Slippery Slopes
Though true healing and freedom from sexual addiction and brokenness is possible, it doesn’t mean the journey will be easy. The world we live in is still hyper-sexualized and full of things that can pull us away from health. On today’s episode, we talk about slippery slopes—areas or aspects of our lives that can be problematic in our sexual health. And there may be some that surprise you! We talk about what can be a slippery slope, how to be mindful of them, and what to do to ensure we don’t slide back down the hill of unhealth.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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349 - PTSD & Betrayal
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is often associated with major trauma—wartime experiences, rape, and abuse. Studies increasingly show that PTSD is also experienced by betrayed partners. Rather than ignore or minimize it, let’s do something about it.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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348 - 7 Lies That Will Ruin Your Life w/ Joshua Broome
For those who regularly listen to the show, we have a return guest. This guy has shared his story about the journey from porn star to a pastor.
Today, we’re excited to have Joshua Broome back on the show to talk about his new book, 7 Lies That Will Ruin Your Life. We talk through all seven lies, identifying how they impact sexual brokenness and disrupt our healing. We also discuss some initial steps we can take to combat these lies and reclaim God’s truth in our lives.
RESOURCES
7 Lies That Will Ruin Your Life (Joshua’s book)
Share The King (Joshua’s Ministry)
Killing Kryptonite (John Bevere’s book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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347 - Living UnDEFILED w/ Matt McCaulley & Kevin Whisman
We know sex trafficking exists in our world and is a growing problem. But it’s not something that’s talked about in many faith communities.
On today’s episode, we’re going to talk about it! We’re thrilled to have Matt McCaulley and Kevin Whisman on the show: two guys who have spent the last few years writing, directing, and producing a full-length feature film called unDEFILED. We’ll talk about Pure Desire’s involvement in creating a follow-up study to the film and how sex trafficking is connected to sexual brokenness.
RESOURCES
Living UnDEFILED (Follow Up Study)
LOLF socials
https://www.facebook.com/lightoflifefilms
https://www.facebook.com/undefiledmovie
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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346 - Myth Busters: Marriage Will Fix It
“Just wait until I get married, then it will all get better.” These words have either been said or thought by many of us in the church. We assume being married and having sex with our spouse will rid us of our sexual brokenness or compulsive behaviors. Unfortunately, this is a myth.
On today’s episode, our Clinical Director, Tyler Chinchen, joins us to talk through why this myth exists, the damage it creates, and how to work against it.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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345 - In Sickness & In Health
When addiction, brokenness, and betrayal enter a marriage, it can significantly impact a couple’s sexual relationship. Unfortunately, sexual brokenness and betrayal are not the only things that can hijack a couple’s sex life.
On today’s episode, we’re joined by Brent and Nicole Breining, who are part of the Pure Desire family. Brent, a clinician for Pure Desire, and his wife, Nicole, share how some major life events limited their sexual relationship. They talk through how to stay committed and connected, specifically in the area of sex, in sickness and in health.
RESOURCES
Full Disclosure Process (product)
Eight Dates (John Gottman book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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344 - The Order Of Intimacy w/ Phil & Priscilla Fretwell
For many of us who are on the recovery and healing journey, understanding the full scope of intimacy can be confusing. If you’re in this camp, you won’t want to miss this episode! We are excited to have Phil and Priscilla Fretwell on the show today! They are co-founders of Savage Marriage Ministries and authors of Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction —their story of addiction, betrayal, and freedom that they use to help others find healing. They join us to talk through the order of intimacy, what intimacy is, the different types of intimacy, and how it transformed their lives and relationships.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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343 - Preventing Relapse (Principles of Recovery)
Relapse is returning to the place we promised God, ourselves, or others we wouldn’t go back to. So preventing relapse is a worthy goal. But can relapse be prevented proactively and practically? The answer: yes. On today’s episode, Mike Maxwell leverages his many years in recovery and leading Pure Desire groups to help us learn tools and techniques for preventing relapse.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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342 - Honesty In Community (Principles of Recovery)
It’s difficult to understate the importance of community in recovery. But honesty in community isn’t easy. It requires intention and a willingness to be fully known. Dishonesty leads to shame and isolation. Honesty leads to freedom. Brent Breining, a Pure Desire Clinician, joins us today to discuss how to break secrecy, how to be honest in daily life, and why this actually matters.
RESOURCES
Resource for Betrayed Spouses (Women)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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341 - Healing Our Trauma (Principles of Recovery)
Unprocessed trauma has a way of making itself known. Triggers reveal areas in our life where something isn’t quite right. If we’re not willing to address these areas, they can become a major obstacle in our relationships, workplace advancement, and breaking free from addiction. Heather Kolb is on the podcast today to talk about how the brain processes trauma and how we heal from trauma.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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340 - Addressing Our Shame (Principles of Recovery)
Shame is often used as a motivator. But shame only motivates us to do one thing: hide. Shame causes us to hide because we start to believe the lie that our mistakes and missteps are proof that we are disqualified to receive love and acceptance. But Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection are evidence of the immense worth and value of humans. Rodney Wright joins us today to talk about why shame perpetuates the cycle of addiction and how we can break free from its grip.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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339 - Breaking Free From Isolation (Principles of Recovery)
Solitude is an intentional time alone for renewal and centering yourself on God. Isolation is a pattern of disengaging from or intentionally not engaging in relationship with others. In this episode, we identify what isolation is, how it’s different from solitude, and why isolation is like gasoline on the addictive fire.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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338 - 'Tis The Season: Attainable Goals
When we get toward the end of the year, setting new goals perpetually comes up. Why is this? And how can we create goals we’ll actually stick to? Our clinical director, Tyler Chinchen, joins us on today’s episode to talk about yearly goals, how to set them, how to maintain them, and why they matter on the recovery and healing journey.
RESOURCES
Unraveled Kit (Resource for women who struggle)
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337 - ‘Tis The Season: Proactive Self-Care
Self-care isn’t selfish. Yet, establishing rhythms of self-care can impact the people around us both positively and negatively. If we want to practice proactive self-care, it will require an intentional, thought-out plan that is communicated to our loved ones. Kelly Johnston, our Online Women's Groups Coordinator, is on the podcast today discussing how to maintain self-care, how to find things that qualify as self-care, and why all of this is especially important during the holiday season.
RESOURCES
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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336 - ‘Tis The Season: Healthy Conflict
What is it about the holiday season that makes conflict more likely? It seems inevitable. So how can we engage in conflict in a healthy way? In today’s episode, Ashley Jameson helps unpack strategies for healthy conflict (even if you’re conflict-avoidant), how to help our loved ones engage in healthy conflict, and why this matters to our recovery.
RESOURCES
Necessary Endings (Dr. Henry Cloud’s Book)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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335 - ‘Tis The Season: Being Assertive
The holidays are packed with clashing expectations in relationships. Assertiveness is one of the tools we can use to navigate these challenging situations. Being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive—it simply means clearly communicating your needs to others. In this episode, Heather Kolb joins us to discuss how to be assertive, the benefits of being assertive about your needs, and how to navigate the moments when someone might respond negatively.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Episode 154 – Recovery Tools: Double Bind (Pure Desire Podcast)
Episode 192 – Tools For Betrayal: Commitment to Change & Double Bind (Pure Desire Podcast)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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334 - Healthy Sex Life (REPLAY)
This week’s episode wraps up our “oldy but goody” episodes. Today, we revisit our conversation with Heather Kolb on a healthy sex life. Everyone wants a healthy sex life. Period. But what does it actually mean to have one? How often should married couples have sex? What qualifies as good sex? How do you improve the health of your sex life? We talk about ALL of this on today’s episode.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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333 - Making A Better Commitment to Change (REPLAY)
We’re in week two of our three-week “oldy but goody” series of episodes. We revisit our conversation with Ashley Jameson on making a better Commitment to Change. The Commitment to Change (CTC) is a weekly tool that Pure Desire groups use on the road to recovery. But how do we unlock the vast potential of this tool? What makes a CTC effective? How can it help us develop holistic health? Listen in to find out!
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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332 - Father Wound (REPLAY)
This episode starts three weeks of “oldy but goody” episodes from the podcast. This week, we revisit our conversation with our founder, Dr. Ted Roberts on father wounds. We discuss what a father wound is, how it compares to a mother wound, and how to recognize if you have one. We also talk through where in Scripture we see the father wound, how we address it, and how not to pass it on to our kids.
Note: In some cases, it’s necessary to process trauma and wounds with the help of a clinician. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation with one of our clinicians to explore if this might be a good next step in your healing journey.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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331 - Happily Even After w/ Dannah Gresh
When discovery happens in a marriage, a bomb goes off. Life is shattered into a million pieces and you question, “Is redemption even possible?” Author of the new book, Happily Even After, Dannah Gresh, joins us on the podcast today. She answers that question emphatically, “YES!” Redemption is not only possible, but probable when God is central in a marriage AND both partners are getting the proper help they need.
RESOURCES
Rethinking Sexuality Podcast Series
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330 - Stories From The Church: Eastview Christian Church
Churches new to Pure Desire and interested in launching groups often face hurdles and feel intimidated. Yet, there are hundreds of churches helping men and women find hope and healing through Pure Desire groups. In this episode, Eastview Church leadership shares the challenges they still face, how many groups they’re currently running (Note: it’s lower than you’d expect for a large church), and why they’ve seen the success they’ve seen.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Living Free (Young Adult Recovery Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
Soul Refiner (Formerly Known As Conquer Series)
Find a CSAT/PSAP (IITAP Website)
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
Marriage, Relationships, & Sex w/ Les Parrott (Pure Desire Podcast)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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329 - Discipling Our Kids Sexually w/ Kristen A. Jenson
We teach our kids how to clean their teeth and eat food. Yet when it comes to teaching healthy sexuality, we often feel lost. Author Kristen Jenson has worked to help parents teach their kids about the dangers of pornography, how to navigate these tough conversations as they come up, and how kids can “forget” things they’ve seen.
RESOURCES
Good Pictures Bad Pictures (book)
Brain Defense: Digital Safety (course)
How To Talk To Your Kids About Pornography (Free Download)
Healthy Sex vs. Porn Sex: 7 Crucial Comparisons to Teach Your Kid
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex (Pure Desire Book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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328 - How To Find A Counselor
Some people have a difficult time reconciling therapy with their faith. They see it as personal weakness at best and distance from God at worst. But Christians who become healthy through counseling are a gift to the world! Rodney Wright is on the podcast today sharing about how he found a counselor, how the experience impacted his faith and relationships, and gives practical advice for anyone considering entering into therapy.
RESOURCES
Pure Desire Free Consultation - 503-489-0230
Out of the Shadows (Patrick Carnes Book)
Find A Local PSAP/CSAT (IITAP Website)
Find An APSATS Trained Specialist
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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327 - Recovery & Healing Milestones
Milestones are really important to those recovering from addiction or healing from betrayal trauma. But Milestones aren’t always helpful or beneficial. In this episode, Ashley Jameson joins us to discuss how to identify and measure milestones, which milestones might be particularly dangerous, and which milestones fly under the radar but should really be celebrated.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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326 - Telling Your Story Effectively
Everyone has a story that is uniquely theirs. When we hear someone’s story we begin to understand how pain and trauma entered their life. We can connect the dots in their story from pain to healing and realize–we’re not alone. If they can heal, so can I. John Begeman joins us today to discuss a three category approach to sharing our story, when and how to share, and why it even matters.
RESOURCES
Unwanted (Jay Stringer’s Book)
Pure Desire Podcasts/Blogs On Sharing Your Story:
- PODCAST: Episode 316 - The Power of Sharing Our Story w/ Ashley Sears
- PODCAST: Episode 121 - 5 Tips On Sharing Your Story
- BLOG: Sharing Your Story
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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325 - The 5 Brain Bugs
Relapse can happen anytime. Whether you’re in year two or 25 of recovery. In The Compassionate Warrior, this is attributed to 5 Brain Bugs. Rich Moore joins us today to discuss what these 5 Brain Bugs are, how to identify them, and what it looks like to address them.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Prerequisite to The Compassionate Warrior)
The Soul of Shame w/ Curt Thompson (Episode 163 of Pure Desire Podcast)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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324 - Help! I’m In A Sexless Marriage.
When your spouse doesn’t want to have sex, you likely feel alone and lost. When you’re the one who is uninterested in sex, you may not even understand why. However, in a healthy marriage where addiction and betrayal aren’t present, sex is a beautiful gift. This episode with Heather Kolb gets into the challenging questions about how, when, and why people may be living in a sexless marriage and what they can do about it.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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323 - Myth Busters: I Can Do This Alone
It’s common for people to think they can recover from their addiction or stop their behaviors on their own. Unfortunately, that just isn’t how recovery works. Community is a necessity for lasting healing and freedom. Harry Flanagan joins us today to debunk this myth and provide a path for those struggling with this harmful belief.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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322 - Recovery & Healing From The Heart
In this episode, we talked about the theme of the Pure Desire Summit 2023, From The Heart. Why we chose this theme, its importance to the recovery journey, why people should attend, and more. We hope you’re planning to join us online or in-person for our biggest event of the year!
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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321 - The Toxic War On Masculinity w/ Nancy Pearcey
If you ask 1000 people what it means to be masculine, you’ll likely get 1000 different answers. Masculinity is often associated with strength, anger, and dominance. But that’s not at all how Jesus modeled masculinity. Nancy Pearcey is back with us to discuss differences between toxic masculinity and biblical masculinity and compare James Bond with Jesus.
RESOURCES
The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes (Nancy’s Book)
Fool Proofing Your Life (Book)
When Good Men Behave Badly (Book)
Seven Pillars of Freedom Kit (Men’s Addiction Recovery)
The Compassionate Warrior Kit (Seven Pillars Follow-up Resource)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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320 - Growing Our Emotional Intelligence
Emotional awareness and emotional intelligence go hand-in-hand. But emotional intelligence can feel elusive. In today’s episode, Heather Kolb helps us understand how to grow in emotional intelligence and its importance in the recovery process.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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319 - Talking With Your Young Kids About Sex
Many parents have a genuine desire to teach their kids how to navigate their sexuality in a way that is more helpful than they were taught. But most parents don’t even know where or how to begin talking with their kids about sex. This episode with Rodney and Traci Wright is packed with practical examples and advice, resources to protect kids and grow personally, and the encouragement parents have been looking for.
RESOURCES
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner (Website)
Good Pictures Bad Pictures (Book)
Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr. (Book)
Learn About Sex Series (Book Series)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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318 - Stories Of Healing: Josh & Shawna Putnam
Josh was no stranger to the limelight as a worship leader and musician. But being caught with pornography was a type of exposure that wasn't invited. Yet it was the beginning of a journey toward true healing and freedom that ultimately impacted his entire family. Josh and Shawna Putnam share their story of healing, what they learned along the way, and the new ministry that it is fueling for both of them.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Recovery Tools: FASTER Scale (Pure Desire Podcast)
Tools For Betrayal: FASTER Scale (Pure Desire Podcast)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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317 - Reparenting Our Inner Child with Dr. Eddie Capparucci
The concept of reparenting your inner child strikes people in different ways. Some are skeptical and others are raving fans of the approach. On today’s podcast, we’re joined by Dr. Eddie Capparucci to discuss his work in this area. We talk about the importance of reparenting your inner child, the relationship of faith and psychology in this area, and more.
RESOURCES
Why Men Struggle To Love (Eddie’s Book)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men’s Addiction Resource)
Unraveled (Women’s Addiction Resource)
Healing Your Inner Child w/ Drew Boa (Pure Desire Podcast)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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316 - The Power Of Sharing Our Story w/ Ashley Sears
Our stories have incredible power. But why is that? What is it about sharing our stories that is so impactful? On today’s episode, we are joined by the founder of Stories Unveiled, Ashley Sears. Ashley helps us understand why stories are so powerful, how to find the courage to share them, and the healing stories carry for us all.
RESOURCES
Stories Unveiled Conference (Ashley's Conference)
Stories Unveiled Facebook Page
Stories Unveiled Instagram Page
Stories Of Healing: Asher & Ashley Sears (Podcast)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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315 - Marriage, Relationships, & Sex w/ Dr. Les Parrott
Relationships are at the center of each part of our lives. And few things impact our relationships like unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. In this episode, best-selling author, speaker, and professor, Dr. Les Parrott joins us with practical tools to create fulfillment in our relationships. We talk about trends in dating and marriage relationships, when and how to share our history with our partner, and how to improve communication around sex and everything else.
RESOURCES
Symbis Assessment (Marriage Resource)
5 Love Languages (Gary Thomas' Book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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314 - FAQ #16: Church
Churches and volunteers passionate about Pure Desire Groups face a number of challenges when starting out. Today, Rodney Wright joins us to share best practices from his experience launching and maintaining a thriving Pure Desire Groups ministry. From preaching tips to managing group members from other churches to navigating a leadership team that isn’t open to a “recovery ministry,” this episode has it all.
RESOURCES
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist—CSAT (IITAP Certification)
Pastoral Sexual Addiction Professional—PSAP (IITAP Certification)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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313 - From Co-Addict Model To A Partner-Sensitive Approach
As new research emerges and becomes mainstream, it’s important that our approach remains current. This is the heart behind the recent update to our resource for women, Betrayal & Beyond. In this episode, Heather Kolb and Ashley Jameson share the “why” behind the update, they highlight the major changes (and what stayed the same), and who should go through this updated resource.
RESOURCES
Betrayal & Beyond Kit—including NEW video companion (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond Online Groups
APSATS A Partner Sensitive Approach To Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (Podcast)
Women's Takeover #1: Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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312 - Addressing Porn In The Church w/ Sam Black
Pornography undermines every ministry in a local church. Sam Black, author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography And How To Fix It (GIVEAWAY IN SHOW NOTES), joins us to take an honest look at the harmful effects of ignoring unwanted sexual behavior in the church. This episode is packed with practical ways that churches can begin to meet the real need that exists within their congregations.
RESOURCES
FREE COPY of The Healing Church (First 50 get book for free)
FREE Intro/Chapter 1 of The Healing Church
Covenant Eyes (Accountability Software)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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311 - Rewiring Our Brains Sexually
Unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma have a profound impact on the brain. But the brain is amazing and can be rewired! Heather Kolb joins us for this episode with tips and tools for rewiring our brain sexually. We discuss why rewiring our brain after sexual addiction is uniquely challenging, how long we should expect this process to take, and who else should be involved.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Resource For Struggling Men)
Unraveled (Resource For Struggling Women)
Betrayal & Beyond (Resource For Betrayed Women)
Great Sex Rescue (Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Book)
Plucky (Accountability Software)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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310 - Stories From The Church: Petra Church
Launching Pure Desire groups at your church can feel intimidating at first. In this episode, we start a new series: Stories From The Church. Our first episode in this new series, we spoke with the team responsible for successfully implementing groups at Petra Church in Pennsylvania. We learned how they overcame some of the most common hurdles churches face, how they train and recruit leaders, and reflect on some of the success they’ve enjoyed over the years.
RESOURCES
Pure Desire Summit Conquer Series
Unraveled (Resource For Struggling Women)
How to Talk With Your Kids About Sex
Betrayal & Beyond (Resource For Betrayed Women)
Fearless Series (James Reeves)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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309 - Confidentiality & Mandatory Reporting
Confidentiality is critically important in the group setting. So is protecting victims and vulnerable populations through mandatory reporting. On today’s episode, we talk with Rich Moore about how to strike a balance between confidentiality and mandated reporting, how to proactively protect the group, and the process of reporting if and when necessary. Finally, we explored the positive outcomes that mandated reporting can have on the people involved.
SHOW NOTES
Child Welfare Information Gateway
Stories of Healing: Rich Moore (Podcast Episode)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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308 - From Porn Star To Pastor w/ Joshua Broome
The path from an award-winning porn star to a pastor just doesn’t make sense. But that’s the path God paved for our guest today, Joshua Broome (cofounder of Share the King). We talk to Joshua about how he got into performing porn, how God rescued him, and God is using him as a speaker, pastor, influencer, and podcast host to help people follow Jesus and live with sexual integrity.
RESOURCESShare The King (Joshua’s Ministry)
Pure Desire Online Groups (for men and women struggling or betrayed)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (for struggling men)
Unraveled (for struggling women)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
307 - Betrayal As A Pastor's Wife w/ Michelle Stumbo
The devastation created through betrayal trauma can turn a partner’s world upside down and impact them in a way they never imagined. But what does healing from betrayal trauma look like if your spouse is in a public position—doctor, teacher, police officer, judge, or pastor? Today, we’re joined by Michelle Stumbo (married to Nick Stumbo, the Executive Director for Pure Desire). We talk through what healing from betrayal looks like when your husband is the pastor. What tools and boundaries are necessary, how it impacts kids and healing as a family, the obstacles you may face, and even how the group experience might look a little different.
RESOURCES
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
306 - Racism & Sexual Brokenness w/ Immanuel & Michelle Garraway
The more we seek to understand the factors that impact sexual brokenness, the more we recognize how racism can be a contributing factor. But how does racism impact sexual brokenness? On today’s episode, we’re joined by Immanuel and Michelle Garraway, who share their experiences with racism and the role it played in their recovery and healing journey. We talk through how family of origin and harmful intergenerational messages can become a catalyst for sexual brokenness, and how owning your story and the group experience can become a safe place for people of color.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
305 - Let's Talk About Divorce w/ Andrea Rogers
When a couple experiences the fallout of sexual brokenness and betrayal trauma, we desire healing and restoration of their marriage. Yet, we know in some cases, separation is necessary. And sometimes, divorce happens. We’re joined by Andrea Rogers, a Certified Life Coach who is passionate about helping people reach their full potential. Andrea is also a Certified Partner Coach with APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), trained in using the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, which was instrumental in her healing from betrayal trauma. On today’s episode, we talk about divorce—when to consider it, what boundaries are needed, how to help kids through the effects of divorce, and more.
Resources
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
304 - Teen Girls & Porn w/ Crystal Renaud Day (Women's Takeover)
We know not only men look at porn. In fact, it’s been suggested that the fastest-growing demographic of porn users is women. And teen girls are getting caught up in the allure of pornography. On today’s episode, we’re joined by Crystal Renaud Day, an author, speaker, and founding director of She Recovery. Crystal is a pastoral counselor and certified coach with more than 15 years experience helping women overcome porn and sexual addictions. We talk through how and why teen girls get hooked on porn and how parents can become an advocate to help their daughters navigate today’s sexual culture.
RESOURCES
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
303 - Helping My Spouse Heal w/ Carol Juergensen Sheets
In order for true restoration to take place in a marriage, both spouses must heal (especially the betrayed partner). While pursuing their recovery from addiction or unwanted sexual behavior, men often ask, "How can I help my spouse heal?" On today's episode, we are joined by the woman who literally wrote the book on this question. Carol Juergensen Sheets, AKA "Carol the Coach," is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and author who wrote Help Her Heal: An Empathy Workbook For Sex Addicts To Help Their Partners Heal and Help Them Heal: Teaching You Both How to Heal Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal. We talk about how to help our betrayed spouse heal, the importance of empathy, and how to have effective communication throughout the healing journey.
RESOURCES
Unleashing Your Power (Carol's Book)
Sex Help With Carol The Coach (Carol's Website)
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (IITAP Certification)
Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (IITAP Certification)
APSATS (Betrayal Organization)
The California Center for Healing (Bill & Ginger Bercaw's Organization)
The Intimacy Pyramid (Dan Drake's Organization)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
302 - Developing Personal Promises
One of the most meaningful tools we use on the recovery journey is called a personal promise (once called a prophetic promise). This tool helps us connect a truth we see from God's word and connect it with an experience in our life. Fusing the right and left brain together is powerful. On today's episode, we discuss how we use these promises on our recovery journey, what makes them effective, how to create your own, and more.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
301 - The 4 People You Need In Recovery
Recovery is not a journey we do alone. Though the work is specific to us, we need a safe, trusted community around us to ensure the work of recovery sticks! On today’s episode, we’re joined by our Clinical Director, Tyler Chinchen, to discuss the four different roles/people we need with us on the recovery journey. We identify these four people/roles and talk through why they are so necessary in our recovery journey.
RESOURCES
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Two Roads (John Lynch's Trueface Message)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
300 - We Made It To 300!
The Pure Desire Podcast has officially entered the 300s! To celebrate, we've got some special stuff for you. A role reversal, a massive giveaway, the future of the show, our favorites from the last 100 episodes, and ministry updates.
Join us for this milestone! 300 down. At least another 300 to go!
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
299 - How Recovery Changes After Year One w/ Ben Bennett
Oftentimes, the recovery journey begins with crisis. Pornography or unwanted sexual behavior negatively impacts our lives and relationships and we know change is needed. But as the recovery journey progresses, crisis can diminish. When that happens, motivation for the journey changes. Today, we’re joined by Ben Bennett (leader of Resolution Movement and author of Free To Thrive and Living Free) to talk through how recovery changes after the first year. We talk through the shift from a sobriety mindset to overall health, how motivation changes, the importance of self-care, and tools necessary for long-term sexual health.
RESOURCES
Resolution Movement (Ben's organization)
Living Free (Recovery Resource for College-Aged Men)
Top Gun (Recovery Resource for Teenage Boys)
Genesis Process (Recovery Resource for Men/Women)
Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr. (Parenting book)
Unwanted (Jay Stringer's book)
FASTER Scale (Emotional Awareness & Relapse Prevention Tool)
Three Circles (Relapse Prevention Tool)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
298 - Image Management w/ Nate Larkin
A significant challenge men and women face in recovery is _image management_—the attempt to control how they are perceived by others. This can be even more challenging for those in the church. Today, we're joined by Nate Larkin (founder of Samson Society and author of Samson and the Pirate Monks) to discuss what motivates this desire for image management. We talk about how to identify when we slip into image management, the pitfalls of it, and ways we can avoid or step out of image management.
Resources
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
297 - Moral Failings In The Church w/ Randy Alcorn
It seems inevitable that another high-profile Christian leader or pastor will have a public moral failing. Many of these moral failings are in the area of sexual brokenness. Today, we're joined by Randy Alcorn, the best-selling author of Heaven, Happiness, and The Purity Principle, to discuss why these failings continue to happen. Randy helps us understand what contributes to the fall of high-profile leaders, how churches can recover and heal, and how to prevent this in the future of the church.
RESOURCES
Eternal Perspective Ministries (Randy's organization)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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296 - Love Thy Body w/ Nancy Pearcey
A common assumption in the church is, "soul good, body bad." But on today's episode, our guest, Professor Nancy Pearcey, flips this idea on its head. Nancy shares perspectives from her book, Love Thy Body, where she addresses beliefs we commonly adopt in the church and identifies how damaging they can be—specifically, beliefs about our bodies and our sexuality. Nancy helps us understand how a high view of our body and sexuality can help us flourish inside God's plan for our life.
RESOURCES
The Toxic War On Masculinity (Nancy's book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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Follow us on X (Twitter)
295 - How Counseling Helps Marriages
Counseling is incredibly beneficial, especially when it comes to the recovery and healing journey in marriage. On today's episode, we talk to Bill & Eileen Fagan (two Pure Desire Clinicians) about how counseling helps marriages. We discuss why counseling can be so beneficial, the benefits of couples being counseled together, and how counseling has and continues to save marriages.
RESOURCES
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
When To Refer To Counseling (Free Tool)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
294 - FAQ #15 - Marriage
On today's Frequently Asked Questions episode, we're tackling questions about marriage. We talk about reintegrating sex after disclosure, how to talk about and potentially change boundaries, attraction and loss of it, the 5-year relapse, helping our spouse through a trigger, and much more.
RESOURCES
The Great Sex Rescue (Sheila Wray Gregoire's book)
Good Sex, Good Marriage? (Ashley's blog)
Manage Conflict: The Aftermath of a Fight (Gottman Institute blog)
Good Girls Guide To Great Sex (Sheila Wray Gregoire's book)
Good Guys Guide To Great Sex (Sheila Wray & Keith Gregoire's book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
293 - 5 Habits For Healthy Marriages
None of us sets out to have an unhealthy marriage. We will never arrive at a healthy marriage, but we can be constantly headed in the direction of health. So, what can we do to ensure our relationship moving closer to health? On today's Valentine's Day episode, we share five habits for healthy marriages. We identify how scheduling time together, sharing our emotions, planning our week, pursuing intimacy (of all kinds), and finding shared passions, can move our marriages in the direction of health.
RESOURCES
Experiencing God (Henry Blackaby's Book)
Realistic Resolutions (Podcast Episode)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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292 - Myth Busters: High Frequency = Sexual Health
Whether it's through our upbringing, social media, or our culture, there is a belief that sexual health in a marriage means LOTS of sex. On today's episode, we identify this belief as a myth. We discuss why we believe this myth and how damaging it is to marriages. We also discuss how a comparison mindset impacts our relationships, how couples can find a healthy frequency of sexual intimacy, and the definition of sexual health in a marriage.
RESOURCES
Cliff & Joyce Penner Books (Resources on Healthy Sex)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
291- Breaking Isolation w/ Chandler Rogers
Isolation is a common byproduct of unwanted sexual behavior or pornography addiction. As we continue acting out, shame builds and leads us deeper into isolation. On today's episode, we talk to Chandler Rogers, the Co-Founder and CEO of Relay (an app designed to help people break out of isolation). We discuss with Chandler why we isolate, why isolation is so damaging in recovery, what signs indicate we're beginning to isolate, and how to break out of isolation and live vulnerably with our community. Chandler also shares a bit of his story and how Relay is helping people find healing and freedom from unwanted behaviors.
RESOURCES
Download Relay App (Google Play)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
290 - Pure Desire Foundations: Family Systems Model
Pure Desire’s understanding of healing and freedom is built on a family systems model. Without this model, making sense of our story and our healing journey is impossible. This is the fourth and final foundation of Pure Desire’s approach to healing and freedom. In this final Foundations episode, we explain why a family systems model is so effective in helping people take back their lives from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. We discuss how our family of origin shapes our unwanted patterns, why healing for the entire marriage/family is essential for true restoration, and more.
RESOURCES
Helping Her Heal (Carol Sheets' Book)
Aftershock (Joann Condie's Book)
The Body Keeps The Score (Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's Book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
289 - Pure Desire Foundations: Groups Approach
Pure Desire groups are at the center of our to approach to healing and freedom. Groups are the primary place of recovery and healing. This is the third of four foundational aspects of our ministry. Everything we do as a ministry funnels into groups for men and women taking back their lives from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. In week 3 of our 4-week Foundations series, we discuss our groups approach to healing. We unpack why the group context is so important for true healing and freedom, how Pure Desire groups differ from traditional “accountability groups,” and much more.
RESOURCES
Stories of Healing: Rich Moore (Podcast)
Pure Desire (Dr. Ted Roberts' Book)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
288 - Pure Desire Foundations: Clinically Informed
Pure Desire's approach to healing and freedom is clinically informed. This is the second of four foundational aspects to our ministry. In all of our materials and offerings, we use brain science and therapeutic tools to help men and women take back their lives from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. In week 2 of our 4-week Foundations series, we unpack what being clinically informed means. We discuss how a biblical and clinical approach works together, why research and neuroscience are so important in understanding recovery and healing, how we implement clinical tools and exercises in our materials, and more.
RESOURCES
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
287 - Pure Desire Foundations: Biblically Based
Pure Desire is built on four foundational beliefs. The first (and most important) is Pure Desire is biblically based in all we do. Our entire approach to healing and freedom from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma is rooted in Scripture. In week 1 of our 4-week Foundations series, we explore what it means that Pure Desire is biblically based. We address the common pushback we get of not being "biblical enough," identify where the Bible discusses addictive patterns, how Scripture informs our approach to healing trauma, and much more.
RESOURCES
Genesis Process (Michael Dye's Recovery Resource)
Fingerprint of God (Hugh Ross)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
286 - Health For The Holidays: Realistic Resolutions
Without fail, during the week between Christmas and New Year’s, resolutions for change are made. But statistically, these New Year’s resolutions often fail by the time we get one month in. Why is this? In the fourth and final week of our Health For The Holidays series, we talk about making realistic resolutions. We discuss why we make these resolutions to change each year, why they can be so difficult to stick with, what makes them successful, and how to make resolutions we can actually accomplish.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
285 - Health For The Holidays: Coping Skills
For those of us in the recovery or healing journey, the term “coping skills” carries a negative connotation. It’s negative coping skills that put us on this journey in the first place. But what if we need coping skills in order to stay healthy during the holiday season? In week three of our Health For The Holidays series, we decipher between healthy and unhealthy coping skills, how to know we’re coping too much, how to communicate our coping skills with others, and what coping skills we’re using to stay healthy this holiday season.
RESOURCES
Exchanging Anxiety For Gratitude (Blog)
The True Power Of Gratitude (Blog)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
284 - Health For The Holidays: Managing Emotions
Each year, around mid-November, we start hearing Christmas music. One sentiment we hear over and over is how the holidays are the “most wonderful time of the year.” However many of us experience the “most emotional time of the year.” Why is the most wonderful time of the year happen to be the most emotional? In week two of our Health For The Holidays series, we talk through why this season is so emotional. We discuss how to manage emotions effectively, how to become more emotionally aware, and how to be emotionally healthy when around others who are not.
RESOURCES
3 Circles (Relapse Prevention Tool)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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283 - Health For The Holidays: Navigating Family
Staying healthy during the holidays can be challenging. Especially when it comes to navigating family. Being around our family of origin, slipping back into old roles, and working to meet expectations—all difficulties during the holiday season. In week one of our Health For The Holidays series, we talk through why being around family is so challenging during the holidays, why boundaries are important, and how we’re planning to navigate family during this time of year.
RESOURCES
3 Circles Tool (Relapse Prevention Tool)
Home Stress Test (The American Institute of Stress)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
282 - Recognizing & Changing Our Digital Patterns w/ Jason Mathew
If we ever want to live in sexual health, we must know our patterns. This isn't just our patterns of fantasy or sexually acting out. This extends to understanding our digital patterns—how we use technology in unhealthy ways. Today, we are joined by Jason Mathew, founder of LeadMeNot, a digital wellness company. Jason shares his story of sexual brokenness and how recognizing and changing his digital patterns helped him find freedom. We also talk about what digital wellness looks like and how it impacts the recovery and healing journey.
RESOURCES
LeadMeNot (Jason's digital wellness company)
Tech Action Plan (Technology Tool)
Unwanted (Jay Stringer's book)
Three Circles Tool (Relapse Prevention Tool)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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Follow us on X (Twitter)
281 - The Impact Of Sexual Addiction (w/ Dr. Adrian Hickmon)
When addressing unwanted sexual behavior or any level of sexual brokenness, the language of "addiction" is difficult to accept. What is it that makes something an addiction? What makes it a sexual addiction? To help us understand sexual addiction and its impact, we talk to Dr. Adrian Hickmon, a therapist and the founder of Capstone Treatment Center. We discuss the criteria of an "addiction," why sexual addiction is so damaging, how trauma factors in, how it damages relationships, and what recovery from this addiction looks like. We also get to hear stories from Adrian's clinical work at Capstone.
RESOURCES
Capstone Treatment Center (Adrian's organization)
The Urge (Carl Erik Fisher's book)
Don't Call It Love (Dr. Patrick Carnes' book)
IITAP Certifications (PSAP & CSAT)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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280 - Stories Of Healing: Nate & Maggie Blaylock
Life becomes difficult when you lose your job, ministry, community, and home. This is the story of Nate and Maggie Blaylock. Because of Nate’s unwanted sexual behavior and addiction, not only did they have to leave the community they were a part of, they had to completely start over in another city. But that’s not where their story ended. Through their own healing and recovery, God equipped them to be healers in their own right. Listen to today’s Story of Healing to hear how God took them from broken and alone to becoming therapists who help others every day.
RESOURCES
Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Join A Local Pure Desire Group
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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279 - How To Support Pure Desire Groups At Your Church
Effectively supporting our church’s Pure Desire groups is multi-faceted. The words we use from the stage during a weekend service, the oversight offered to group leaders, and the frequency of announcing groups—these all impact recovery and healing groups in our church. On today’s episode, we’re joined by one of our newest team members, Immanuel Garraway, our Church Relations Specialist. We talk through what to do and not do as we support our groups. We discuss what level of pastoral involvement we encourage. Plus, we talk through resources to help churches run effective, life-changing Pure Desire groups.
RESOURCES
Group Leader Training (video course)
Sexual Integrity 101 (video course)
Immanuelg@puredesire.org (Immanuel Garraway's contact)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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278 - The Four Pillars Of Sexual Love w/ Dr. Juli Slattery
Sexual love is God’s beautiful creation. But for so many of us, our brokenness negatively impacts it. This past September at the Pure Desire Summit, Dr. Juli Slattery spoke on the four pillars of sexual love and what makes it such a beautiful gift from God. On today’s episode, we feature her Summit breakout session. Dr. Slattery covers how the importance of faithfulness, intimate knowing, sacrificial love, and a passionate celebration of covenant love all impact our sex life.
RESOURCES
2022 Pure Desire Summit Lifetime Access
Authentic Intimacy (Juli's organization)
God, Sex, and Your Marriage (Juli's new book)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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277 - FAQ #14: Singles & Unmarried
Recovery and healing as a single or unmarried person can often seem confusing. Is there something wrong or lesser about me because I'm not married? What does sexual health look like as a single or unmarried person? On today's frequently asked questions episode, we cover many different aspects of being single or unmarried in recovery and healing. We talk about sexual health and its expression as an unmarried person, what is "too much" to share with a significant other or friends, betrayal trauma as a single person, and A LOT MORE!
RESOURCESUnraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Living Free (College-Aged Men's Recovery Resource)
Relapse Prevention Plan (Free Tool)
Recovery Action Plan (Free Tool)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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276 - A Partner Sensitive Approach To Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens
Healing from sexual betrayal is an incredibly important journey. In order to best help partners heal from the trauma experienced through sexual betrayal, we must understand what the partner needs. On today’s episode, we interview the founding president of The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS), Dr. Barbara Steffens. Dr. Steffens helps us understand what a partner-sensitive approach looks like (featured in our NEW Betrayal & Beyond resource), how this approach differs from other historical approaches, how the church can better serve betrayed partners, and why healing from betrayal trauma is so important.
RESOURCES
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse (Dr. Steffens' Book)
Betrayal & Beyond Preorder (Women's Betrayal Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
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275 - Running Effective Groups: Betrayal & Beyond
Women who experience sexual betrayal need healing just as much as their addicted spouses. The damage that betrayal trauma creates is massive. Women need a place to heal and process their experiences. This is what Betrayal & Beyond was created for—a group context and healing resource that facilitates the healing God provides those who’ve experienced sexual betrayal. We are in week 4 of our Running Effective Groups series. Today, we’re focused on running effective Betrayal & Beyond groups. We look at why these groups are so important, what the NEW and UPDATED Betrayal & Beyond resource covers, and how to help facilitate this healing environment for women.
RESOURCES
Betrayal & Beyond—available for preorder (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Groups Pathway (Free Resource)
7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma (Free eBook)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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274 - Running Effective Groups: Unraveled
Women who struggle with unwanted sexual behavior feel double shame. First off, they feel shame because of their struggle. Secondly, they feel shame because they struggle with an area often addressed as a “man’s issue.” Sexual brokenness is not a respecter of gender. Men and women both struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors. We are now in week 3 of our Running Effective Groups series. Today, we talk about running effective Unraveled groups—our recovery resource for women. We talk through why these groups are needed, how they fit into the discipleship model, and what challenges may arise when leading recovery groups for women.
RESOURCES
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
The Female Addict & Unraveled (Podcast)
Leading Unraveled Groups (Podcast)
Relapse Prevention Plan (Tool)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Genesis Process (Recovery Resource)
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273 - Running Effective Groups: Seven Pillars Of Freedom
Today is week 2 of our 4-week Running Effective Pure Desire Groups series. This week we look at our recovery groups for men: Seven Pillars Of Freedom. We spend time unpacking how to best run these 8-week Sexual Integrity 101 groups. We talk through who these groups are for, what is covered in the 8 weeks, and how this course is a catalyst for launching Pure Desire recovery and support groups.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Recovery Tools: Commitment To Change (Podcast)
Double Bind & Commitment To Change (Podcast)
Making A Better Commitment To Change (Podcast)
Recovery Tools: FASTER Scale (Podcast)
5 Tips On Using The FASTER Scale (Podcast)
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272 - Running Effective Groups: Sexual Integrity 101
Today begins a 4-part series on running effective Pure Desire groups. Week 1 is focused on our introductory video course: Sexual Integrity 101. We spend time unpacking how to best run these 8-week Sexual Integrity 101 groups. We talk through who these groups are for, what is covered in the 8 weeks, and how this course is a catalyst for launching Pure Desire recovery and support groups.
RESOURCES RESOURCES
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Relapse Prevention Plan (Three Circles Tool)
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271 - Developing A Purity Ministry
It's natural to want others to experience the healing and freedom Pure Desire groups have given us. But for so many of us, the notion of bringing groups to our church is daunting. This is why Pure Desire has created a roadmap for developing a purity ministry at your church. In today's episode, we want through each step of this roadmap and give encouragement on what it looks like to implement Pure Desire groups into your church.
RESOURCES
Developing Purity Groups (PDF)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Three Circles Tool (Relapse Prevention)
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270 - Emotions Below The Surface (2021 Summit Session)
This week, we throw it back to 2021 and the Pure Desire Summit! Robert Vander Meer taught a breakout session at the Summit titled, Emotions Below The Surface. As we are now only 10 days away from the 2022 Summit, we thought we'd give you a taste of what's in store. Spoiler alert: Robert is one of the plenary speakers at this year's Summit! Explore with us the emotions that live below the surface and how they impact our lives each day. If you like Robert's session, register for the Summit here.
RESOURCES
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269 - Going ALL IN For Recovery & Healing
The theme of the 2022 Pure Desire Summit (Sept. 16-17, 2022) is “ALL IN.” But what does that mean? What does it look like to go “ALL IN” for our recovery and healing? On today’s episode, we talk through what an “ALL IN” approach to our healing journey looks like, how to identify our next steps in recovery, and the benefits of seeing recovery as a lifelong endeavor.
RESOURCES
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268 - Techless w/ Chris Kaspar
One of the most needed guardrails in recovery revolves around technology. We consider how to use our computers or devices. One question many ask is, "What about my smartphone?" On today's episode, we talk to Chris Kaspar, CEO of Techless—a company offering a phone designed to cut out unnecessary distractions like social media, addictions, and advertisements. We talk to Chris about technology's impact on digital addiction, sexuality, and our relationships. We talk about Techless' new Wisephone and why it's a great option for cutting out the distraction technology creates in our lives.
RESOURCES
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267 - Rebuilding & Restoring Lives
Part of the recovery journey is giving back. Sharing our story, leading Pure Desire groups, and even giving back financially. Today, we’re joined by two members of our advancement team, John Begeman and Rodney Wright. John and Rodney talk about the role generosity plays in the recovery process, how God is using donations to expand sexual health, and what major projects Pure Desire is working on.
RESOURCES
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex (Rodney's Book)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
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266 - Polygraphs & The Disclosure Process
A common aspect of the full disclosure process is a polygraph. Polygraphs can carry a certain stigma with them. But what is a polygraph and what benefit does it offer a couple going through recovery and healing? Today, we’re joined by our Clinical Director, Tyler Chinchen. Tyler gives us an inside look at what a polygraph is, how it fits into the full disclosure process, and how it helps rebuild trust in a marriage.
RESOURCES
Recovery Action Plan (Struggling Spouse)
Recovery Action Plan (Betrayed Spouse)
Full Disclosure Process Counseling
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265 - Finding Your True Self w/ Marilyn Vancil
Each of us carries two types of “self.” Our authentic self—who God has made us to be. And our adapted self—the facade we’ve created to protect ourselves from pain and difficulty. On today’s episode, we talk to Marilyn Vancil, a spiritual director, coach, and author of Self To Lose, Self To Find. Marilyn talks us through how to identify which self we are living out of and what tools we can use to live out of who God made us to be.
RESOURCES
Self To Lose, Self To Find (Marilyn's book)
Beyond The Enneagram (Marilyn's book—coming October 18, 2022)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Mens' Recovery Resource)
Genesis Process (Recovery Resource)
Relapse Prevention Tool (Three Circles)
Should Christians Use The Enneagram? (Blog Post)
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264 - Unmet Longings & Unhealthy Behaviors w/ Ben Bennett
A switch gets flipped when we begin to understand why we do what we do (especially with our unwanted behaviors). This understanding isn’t gained easily, but when it is, it changes the whole game. On today’s episode, we’re joined by a friend of the show who is an author, speaker, and influencer to the next generation–Ben Bennett. Ben joins us to help us find the connection between our unmet longings and how they play out in our unhealthy behaviors. We also discuss how to meet these longings in healthy ways.
RESOURCES
RESOLUTION MOVEMENT (BEN’S ORGANIZATION)
RELAPSE PREVENTION TOOL (THREE CIRCLES)
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263 - Myth Busters: Self-Care Is Selfish
Whether it’s been caught or taught, many of us believe self-care is selfish. We can so easily see and encourage it in others, but when it comes to our own self-care, we dismiss it as too “self-focused.” Why do we believe this? Does this belief cause damage? How can we change this underlying belief? Today, we are joined by Traci Wright (Pure Desire Clinician and author) to explore the myth “self-care is selfish” and discuss how to improve our personal self-care.
RESOURCES
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262 - Understanding Our Unwanted Behaviors w/ Jay Stringer
We all have some form of unwanted behavior in our life. Whether it's pornography, affairs, fantasy, or any other form of sexual brokenness, understanding where these behaviors come from is essential! If we want to break free from our unwanted behaviors, we must understand them. If we truly want to understand our unwanted behaviors, we must be curious. This requires honesty, courage, and hard work. On today's episode, Jay Stringer, author of Unwanted and featured speaker at this year's Pure Desire Summit, joins us to help us get to the root of our unwanted behaviors and gives us direction on what it means to understand them. He also gives us a sneak peek into what he'll be sharing at the Summit.
RESOURCES
2022 Pure Desire Summit (Event)
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261 - FAQ #13
On today’s new FAQ episode, we cover a lot. This is what these episodes are for: giving answers to tough questions. Today’s topics include emotional anorexia, white-knuckling, sexual content in video games, getting triggered at the gym, same-sex attraction, and more!
RESOURCES
Recovery Action Plan (Struggling Spouse)
Recovery Action Plan (Betrayed Spouse)
One-Sided Healing: Addicted (Podcast Episode)
One-Sided Healing: Betrayed (Podcast Episode)
Honesty vs. Disclosure (Podcast)
Fear Of Sex During Recovery (Podcast Episode)
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260 - The Pure Desire Podcast Turns 5!
Today, our podcast turns 5! We’re so thankful for you (the listeners/viewers) for tuning in each week and encouraging us to keep pushing the conversation forward. On today's livestream recording, we're: reading some reviews of the show, talking through why we started and will continue to do the podcast, covering some Pure Desire history and the podcast, discussing where we are headed in the next year, and announcing exciting and upcoming developments at Pure Desire
RESOURCES
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260 - Teaser
We have a special invitation for you to join us live THIS AFTERNOON to celebrate 5 years of the podcast!
Join us LIVE: CLICK HERE
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259 - Starting Pure Desire Groups At Your Church
When is the best time to start groups in my church? What should be my first steps? What if I don’t have buy-in from my pastor/leader? Do we need groups for men and women? These are the questions all of us ask when starting Pure Desire groups in our church. These and many other questions can leave us directionless and with little hope on starting groups. On today’s episode, we give direction on all of it. We talk through timing of groups, getting support from leaders, promotion, and introductory meetings. Starting Pure Desire groups at your church doesn’t need to be an uphill battle. Today’s conversation will help you get Pure Desire groups up and running.
RESOURCES
Group Leader Training (video course)
Sexual Integrity 101 (video course)
Fight The New Drug's Brain, Heart, World (film series)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (men's recovery resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (women's betrayal resource)
Unraveled (women's recovery resource)
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258 - Faith, Sexuality, & Gender w/ Preston Sprinkle
Is it possible to hold a biblical sexual ethic and love those who don’t hold to it? Our guest, Dr. Preston Sprinkle, works to answer this question in his work as the president of The Center For Faith, Sexuality, & Gender. Preston is the host of the Theology In The Raw podcast and is a New York Times Best-Selling author of books like People To Be Loved, Embodied, and Living In A Gray World. Preston joins us today to talk through the tension we experience between the Bible’s teaching on sexuality and our efforts to love those in the LGBTQ community.
RESOURCES
The Center For Faith, Sexuality, & Gender (Preston's organization)
Theology In The Raw (Preston's podcast)
People To Be Loved (Preston's book)
Living In A Gray World (Preston's book)
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257 - 7 Tips As You Begin Healing From Betrayal
Many of us who experience betrayal trauma are thrown into it. We didn’t cause it. We didn’t choose it. But here we are: suffering. The thought of pursuing our own healing when we experience betrayal seems unfair. Ultimately, it is. But we have the choice to step into healing for ourselves—to restore what has been broken and damaged. On today’s episode, we explore 7 tips or encouragements as we enter the journey of healing from betrayal. Heather Kolb, our Content Manager, joins us and shares from her experience and expertise.
RESOURCES
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Recovery Action Plan–Spouses (Tool)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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256 - 7 Tips As You Begin Recovery From Addiction
The journey of recovery from unwanted sexual behavior is not an intuitive one. There are many aspects we never knew to consider when working to create sexual health in our lives. When we do enter the recovery journey, there can be many ups and downs. That's why, on today's episode, we talk through 7 tips for those on the front end of their recovery from addiction journey. These are 7 tips we wish we knew as we started our journeys.
RESOURCES
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships (Women's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 video course
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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255 - Restoring Our Vows w/ Brandon & Tonia Clark
Like many marriages, Brandon and Tonia Clark experienced the damage of a pornography addiction. Through Brandon's addiction, they experienced crisis in their marriage and didn't know how to address the problem. Today, Brandon and Tonia join us to tell the story of how they restored their marriage and their vows and how they're using their story to help others do the same.
RESOURCES
Restored Vows Course (Covenant Eyes Free 14-day Video Course)
Covenant Eyes (Accountability Software)
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254 - Fear Of Sex During Recovery
When entering the recovery and healing process, there can be lots of fear. Fears like "will this work?" or "can I really restore my marriage?" But one of the biggest fears couples face is the fear of re-engaging in their sexual relationship. Today, we are joined by clinicians, Robert and Rebecca Vander Meer, to talk through this fear and ways to work through it during the recovery process.
RESOURCES
Sex During Recovery (Podcast Episode)
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253 - Gaslighting, Manipulating, & Lying
Men and women struggling with unwanted sexual behavior or sexual brokenness often work very hard to protect themselves. Protecting themselves from the pain in life and protecting themselves from the consequences of their behavior. This often takes the form of gaslighting, manipulating, and lying. On today’s episode, we’re joined by one of our clinicians, Eileen Fagan, to talk through why those struggling chose these behaviors, how spouses can identify them, and how couples can heal from their effects.
RESOURCES
Genesis Process (Michael Dye's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Recovery Action Plan (For Struggling Spouse)
Recovery Action Plan (For Betrayed Spouse)
Relapse Prevention Tool/Three Circles (Recovery Tool)
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252 - Pastors, Church Leaders, & Sexual Misconduct
It seems like every few months there is another report of a Christian leader caught in sexual misconduct. This is extremely sad. It shouldn't be this way. But why does this keep happening? Can we do anything about it? How do we change this trend with our leaders and in our churches? Today we tackle all of these questions. There is a better way and we need to take steps to create it in our churches.
RESOURCES
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill (Christianity Today's Podcast)
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251 - The Good Guide To Great Sex w/ Dr. Keith & Sheila Wray Gregoire
Sheila Wray Gregoire is back on the podcast today and she is joined by her husband, Dr. Keith. They’ve been busy updating and writing their books, The Good Girls Guide To Great Sex and The Good Guys Guide To Great Sex! Today, we talk to Sheila and Dr. Keith about their books, interesting findings from their research of over 25,000 Christian women, a new approach to sexual intimacy in marriage, how frequent we should be having sex, and A LOT more!
RESOURCES
The Good Girl's Guide To Great Sex (Sheila's updated book)
The Good Guy's Guide To Great Sex (Sheila & Keith's new book)
To Love, Honor, and Vaccum (Sheila's blog)
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250 - Taboo Topics
When entering our sexual history or the history of our group members, it’s likely we’ll encounter topics considered “taboo.” Topics like fetishes, fantasies, same-sex attraction, or others. We all have potentially taboo aspects to our sexual history. On today’s episode, we are joined by Rich Moore (Associate Director of Men’s Groups) to talk about these topics, how to respond to these topics when they come up, and how we can diminish the shame around these elements of our story.
RESOURCES
GROUP LEADER TRAINING (PRE-ORDER)
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249 - Leading Women's Groups
Pure Desire groups for women are essential to an effective recovery ministry. Whether it’s groups for women who’ve experienced betrayal or women struggling with unwanted sexual behavior, these groups are needed! If we want to create cultures in our church where “it’s okay to not be okay,” we need a group structure and women willing to lead. On today’s episode, Ashley Jameson joins us to talk about leading women’s groups. We talk about what to look for in group leaders, unique aspects to women’s groups, and best practices for leading Betrayal & Beyond and Unraveled groups.
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248 - Performance Wounds w/ Stephen Thomas
Whether we've played sports, performed in theater, or participated in other performance-oriented activities, we have all experienced failure. These moments of failure impact us at a deep level. On today's episode, we talked with Stephen Thomas, a marriage and recovery consultant, about how these performance failures wound us, how they contribute to our recovery and healing journeys, and how to heal our performance wounds.
RESOURCES
STEPHEN THOMAS CONSULTING (STEPHEN'S WEBSITE)
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247 - Becoming A Porn-Free Person w/ Matt Dobschuetz
Becoming a porn-free person is not an easy journey but is so worth the effort! Matt Dobschuetz knows this first hand. Matt, the host of the Porn Free Radio Podcast and author of the new book Porn Free, joins us for a crossover episode of the podcast. On today’s episode, we talk to Matt about his new book and the insights he shares about the recovery journey. Matt even asks us a few questions during the interview. It’s a good time and we know you’ll enjoy our conversation with Matt.
RESOURCES
PORN FREE RADIO PODCAST (MATT’S SHOW)
MAKING ROOM FOR RECOVERY (BLOG BY JUSTIN WATSON)
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246 - Replacing Unwanted Sexual Behaviors
It’s not enough to just stop our unwanted sexual behaviors. In order to truly break free and heal from the effects of unwanted sexual behaviors, we must find replacement behaviors. Like learning to ride a bike, our mind holds on to repeated behaviors and never lets them go. If we want to stop these automatic behaviors, our brain requires we replace them with new ones. On today’s episode, we discuss why we need new behaviors, what kinds we should pursue, and how to make sure our new behaviors don’t get added to the list of unwanted ones.
RESOURCES
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
UNRAVELED (WOMEN’S RECOVERY RESOURCE)
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (MEN’S RECOVERY RESOURCE)
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245 - Sacrifices of Recovery & Healing
It's the consequences of unwanted sexual behavior that often motivate us most in starting the recovery or healing journey. Whether we’re the struggling spouse or the one betrayed, the crisis and damage of sexual brokenness make the recovery and healing process very necessary. But once we enter this journey, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. As we grow and develop health, we begin setting boundaries and evaluating our life with a new lens. As we do so, we can lose hobbies, jobs, and even relationships. On today’s episode, we talk with Mike Maxwell about the reality of what we might have to sacrifice on the recovery and healing journey and why our health is still worth it all.
RESOURCES
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244 - How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Sexual Betrayal
Sexual betrayal is one of the most devastating things a person can experience. Though struggling spouses are not primarily out to hurt their husband/wife, sexual brokenness brings immense amounts of pain and trauma into a marriage. As an addict or struggler, is it possible to help our spouse heal from the pain we’ve caused? Is there anything we can do to help in the healing process? On today’s episode, we explore what an addicted/struggling spouse can do (if anything) to help their spouse heal from sexual betrayal.
RESOURCES
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYED WOMEN’S RESOURCE)
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (STRUGGLING MEN’S RESOURCE)
UNRAVELED (STRUGGLING WOMEN’S RESOURCE)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYED MEN’S RESOURCE)
APSATS (BARABARA STEFFENS ORGANIZATION)
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243 - Spiritual Bypass w/ Dr. Craig Cashwell
As followers of Jesus, knowing what is true and biblical is important. But when it comes to battling the effects of unwanted sexual behavior or betrayal trauma we can very easily use spiritual truths to minimize the reality of our situation or struggle. This is referred to as "spiritual bypass." On today's episode, Dr. Craig Cashwell talks to us about spiritual bypass and why it can be so damaging on our journey of healing and recovery.
RESOURCES
SHADOWS OF THE CROSS (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
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242 - Women's Takeover #4 - Stories Of Healing: Cyndie & Dusty Gillingham
Sexual brokenness shatters the lives of so many men and women. We’ve heard this story many times: a man struggles with unwanted sexual behaviors and, because of this, his wife experiences betrayal trauma. But what happens when the roles are reversed? When a woman struggles and betrays her husband? On today’s episode, Cyndie and Dusty tell us their story of healing. They share how sexual brokenness impacted their relationship, how they were introduced to Pure Desire, what their recovery and healing journey looks like, and so much more!
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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241 - Women's Takeover #3: Empowering A Betrayed Partner
When discovery or disclosure happens, it impacts the mind, body, and soul of a betrayed partner. Our mind becomes stuck on rewind; processing every word of every day, wondering how we missed it. We can’t eat. We can’t sleep. We no longer feel safe. Is there any hope? On today’s episode, we sit down with Jennifer Howie and talk through several aspects of betrayal trauma that will empower a betrayed partner on their healing journey.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (WOMEN’S BETRAYAL RESOURCE)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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240 - Women's Takeover #2: Integrating Psychology & Spirituality w/ Dr. Craig Cashwell
Historically, in many faith communities, there seemed to be a great divide: psychology on one side of the canyon and spirituality on the other side. But now, this gap is closing. On today’s episode, we are privileged to have Dr. Craig Cashwell as our guest. We first met Dr. Cashwell during Module 2 of the PSAP training and used this opportunity to dig deeper into what we learned. As a Mental Health Counselor, Professor, and author, he shares his passion for integrating psychology and spirituality, how this plays out in the healing process, and so much more.
RESOURCES
SHADOWS OF THE CROSS (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY & RELIGION INTO COUNSELING (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
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239 - Women's Takeover #1: Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens
When we experience betrayal, it seems as though our world has been turned upside down. This type of trauma can leave us feeling paralyzed and alone, unsure of what’s happening to us and if healing is even possible. On today’s episode, we are honored to have Dr. Barbara Steffens as our guest. She is the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and the founding President of APSATS: The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. Dr. Steffens walks us through what it looks like to find healing from betrayal trauma.
RESOURCES
APSATS (BARBARA’S ORGANIZATION)
YOUR SEXUALLY ADDICTED SPOUSE (BARBARA’S BOOK)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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238 - Barriers To Sexual Intimacy w/ Dr. Juli Slattery
Creating emotional and sexual intimacy in marriage can be challenging. This is especially true when sexual brokenness is present in a marriage. Today, Dr. Juli Slattery joins us to talk through barriers couples face when creating sexual intimacy and how we can overcome them.
RESOURCES
FIND THE HERO IN YOUR HUSBAND: REVISITED (JULI’S BOOK)
JAVA WITH JULI (JULI’S PODCAST)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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237 - Church Hurdles (REPLAY)
As the COVID spike has caused issues with our regularly scheduled podcasts, we thought we would re-release an oldie but goodie episode. Back in December of 2017, we did an interview with Rodney Wright about the hurdles many churches face when it comes to addressing the effects of sexual brokenness. Even though we’re now 4 years later, this episode still rings so true. As the church, we need to continue improving our compassion and competency toward those who are impacted by sexual brokenness and betrayal trauma. Enjoy this replay episode!
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236 - Bold Intimacy (Summit '21)
This week's episode is unique. Like so many, COVID has finally visited Nick and Trevor's family. As a pivot, we decided to feature a really powerful message from the 2021 Pure Desire Summit from Rodney Wright. Rodney's message is titled Bold Intimacy.
RESOURCES
2022 PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (REGISTER)
2021 PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (PURCHASE LIFETIME ACCESS)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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235 - Stages of Recovery
The journey of recovery is a difficult one. While in the recovery journey, it's easy to get discouraged by the process and how long it takes. On today's episode, we identify the five stages of recovery, how long they take, and how these stages help us see the true goal of recovery.
RESOURCES
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
UNRAVELED (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR MEN)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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234 - 2021: A Year In Review
The year 2021 sort of felt like 2020 part 2. Would you agree? With all the challenging elements of the last year, we need to take a look at the year we just had. Lots of changes (good and bad) can cause stress, anxiety, and, oftentimes, backsliding in our healing journey. On today’s episode, we wrap up 2021 for podcasts. We end the year by talking through some of the highs and lows of 2021, what we’ve learned, and some thoughts on staying healthy while moving into 2022.
RESOURCES
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233 - Christmas & Recovery
The Christmas season can be challenging on the recovery and healing journey. This is because Christmas has some good and some bad. Good: spending uplifting time with family and friends, focused on giving gifts. Bad: spending draining amounts of time with a lack of boundaries and spiked anxiety. On today’s episode, we talk through how to manage ourselves and remain healthy during the Christmas season. Believe it or not, it’s possible.
RESOURCES
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232 - Helping Friends & Family Heal
Whether it’s with sexual brokenness or betrayal trauma, watching our loved ones battle with it is miserable. For those of us who’ve experienced healing and freedom from our own brokenness or trauma, we know the path of healing well. This makes it so much harder to watch our friends and family have their lives destroyed. This leaves many of us asking: “Is there anything I can do?” Today we answer that question!
RESOURCES
KEEP YOUR LOVE ON BY DANNY SILK
EPISODE W/ ROSIE MAKINNEY (PODCAST)
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231 - Stories of Healing: Trevor Winsor
Trevor Winsor is the host of our podcast and today we turn the tables on him. Today, he's our guest and we ask him to share his story of healing. What started as looking for ways to help his students, Trevor stumbled into his own recovery journey. Today, he recounts his recovery journey from wounded and broken to helping others find hope and healing.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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230 - Healing Different Types of Trauma
Trauma is something we've all faced in life. And trauma comes in a few different variations. Whether it's big traumatic events that rock our world or smaller traumatic events that happen over a long period of time, trauma impacts our lives at a very deep level. On today's episode, we look at the different types of trauma we can experience in life and how to bring healing to each of them.
RESOURCES
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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229 - Crash Site Analysis
Relapse is never something we desire on the recovery journey. But a relapse is one of the best times to evaluate needed steps for sobriety. In today's episode, we look at a tool called the Crash Site Analysis. This tool helps us evaluate our recent relapse and identify the necessary steps for creating sobriety.
RESOURCES
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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228 - Matrix of Addiction
Sobriety and sexual health require a lot of self-awareness. If we want to break free from unwanted sexual behaviors, we have to be aware of our pattern of relapse. On today's episode, we talk about a tool called the Matrix of Addiction. This tool helps us identify our relapse pattern and begin creating sobriety.
RESOURCES
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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227 - FAQ #12: Sex
Sex is one of the biggest areas of a relationship or individual's life that is impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Today, we field listener questions on the topic of sex. We cover things like fantasies, fetishes, low-sex drive, sexual anorexia, and more.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Message/DM us with your questions
RESOURCES
SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE’S LINKS:
CLIFFORD & JOYCE PENNER’S LINKS:
JAY STRINGER’S LINKS:
- UNWANTED: HOW SEXUAL BROKENNESS REVEALS OUR WAY TO HEALING (BOOK)
- UNWANTED PT. 1 W/ JAY STRINGER (PODCAST)
- UNWANTED PT. 2 W/ JAY STRINGER (PODCAST)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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226 - Stories Of Healing: Nick & Michelle Stumbo
Nick and Michelle looked like they had it all. A good marriage, growing ministry, and a beautiful family. But in secret, Nick's sexual addiction was killing it all from the inside. Though he was a respected pastor, hated his behavior, and confessed often, Nick couldn't break free. This left Michelle at the point of wanting to leave. But that's not how the story ends. Over the past 10 years, their marriage, family, and ministry is thriving. Today, they tell us their story of healing.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR MEN)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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225 - A Couples Guide To Conquering Betrayal
Experiencing sexual betrayal is unique. Finding out your spouse has been unfaithful or sexually acting out outside your marriage bed is soul-crushing. Is there hope for those experiencing betrayal trauma? We have Dr. Stefanie Carnes, President of the International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals, on the podcast today to give us guidance for conquering betrayal in a marriage/relationship. She walks us through disclosure, rebuilding trust, and how to heal relationships after sexual betrayal.
RESOURCES
COURAGEOUS LOVE: A COUPLES GUIDE TO CONQUERING BETRAYAL (STEFANIE’S RESOURCE)
DR. STEFANIE CARNES BIO (IITAP)
STEFANIE’S BOOK ON AMAZON (LINK)
HELP HER HEAL BY DR. CAROL CHEETS
PASTORAL SEX ADDICTION PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATION (THROUGH IITAP)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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224 - The Enneagram & Recovery Pt. 2 w/ Jeff & Beth McCord
The Enneagram is a personality tool with many helpful aspects. Today, continue our conversation with Jeff and Beth McCord, authors and founders of Your Enneagram Coach, about how the Enneagram can be a helpful tool in recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Today's episode is part 2 of our 2-part interview with the McCord's where we explore how the Enneagram can integrate into our healing and recovery.
RESOURCES
YOURENNEAGRAMCOACH.COM (JEFF & BETH’S WEBSITE)
9 ENNEAGRAM TYPES CORE MOTIVATIONS (FREE DOWNLOAD)
SHOULD CHRISTIANS USE THE ENNEAGRAM? (BLOG ARTICLE)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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223 - The Enneagram & Recovery Pt. 1 w/ Jeff & Beth McCord
The Enneagram is a personality tool with many helpful aspects. Today, we talk to Jeff and Beth McCord, authors and founders of Your Enneagram Coach, about how the Enneagram can be a helpful tool in recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Today's episode is part 1 of our 2-part interview with the McCord's where we explore how the Enneagram can integrate in our healing and recovery.
RESOURCES
YOURENNEAGRAMCOACH.COM (JEFF & BETH’S WEBSITE)
9 ENNEAGRAM TYPES CORE MOTIVATIONS (FREE DOWNLOAD)
SHOULD CHRISTIANS USE THE ENNEAGRAM? (BLOG ARTICLE)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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222 - Rescuing Our Marriages From Porn w/ Sheila Wray Gregoire
Pornography and sexual brokenness are destroying marriages. But what if the messages we are taught about sex are just as damaging? Messages like "all men struggle with porn" or "women shouldn't deprive their husbands of sex" can be detrimental to our marriages. Today, we talk with the author of The Great Sex Rescue, Sheila Wray Gregoire, about how to rescue our marriages from porn and the negative sex messages we receive from the world and the church.
RESOURCES
TO LOVE, HONOR, AND VACUUM (SHEILA’S BLOG)
BARE MARRIAGE PODCAST (SHEILA’S PODCAST)
THE GREAT SEX RESCUE (SHEILA’S NEWEST BOOK)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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221 - Stories Of Healing: Harry Flanagan
Harry Flanagan, AKA "Father Flanagan," was a pastor, leader, and influential member of his community. But due to his sexual addiction, all of that was lost. Family, ministry, and sense of purpose. But then Harry was introduced to Dr. Ted Roberts and Pure Desire Ministries. Now, Harry is a clinician and author with Pure Desire. Today, he shares his story of healing.
RESOURCES
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR MEN)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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220 - Extroverts In Group
There are two different kinds of group members: introverts and extroverts. Both need group. This week, we talk through what being an extrovert in group looks like (how to encourage them in listening and limiting their sharing), how to lead extroverts in group (if they take over a group meeting or advice-give), and how extroverts can best heal in a Pure Desire group setting.
RESOURCES
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY GROUP FOR MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (HEALING GROUP FOR WOMEN)
UNRAVELED (RECOVERY GROUP FOR WOMEN)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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219 - Introverts In Group
There are two different kinds of group members: introverts and extroverts. Both need group. This week, we talk through what being an introvert in group looks like (how to engage and feel confident sharing your story), how to lead introverts in group (drawing their sharing out of them without badgering), and how introverts can best heal in a Pure Desire group setting.
RESOURCES
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY GROUP FOR MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (HEALING GROUP FOR WOMEN)
UNRAVELED (RECOVERY GROUP FOR WOMEN) PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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218 - Healing Below The Surface
In anticipation of this week's Pure Desire Summit, we wanted to explore the reality of healing happening below the surface. Finding freedom from sexual brokenness or healing from betrayal trauma doesn't happen with behavior modification. It's a deeper healing of our thoughts, feelings, and core beliefs about ourselves, God, and others. Today we explore below the surface healing.
RESOURCES
REGISTER FOR THE PURE DESIRE SUMMIT
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME W/ JENNA RIEMERSMA (PODCAST)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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217 - Internal Family Systems & Betrayal w/ Jenna Riemersma
Betrayal trauma causes inner chaos. Parts of us want to run away and find safety. Other parts of us want to stay and fix or save. These "parts" of us can wage war, making us feel burnt out and hopeless. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model that identifies these "parts" in us and how they wage war with each other. So much is at stake when choosing to address our trauma, so we must learn to see each part of ourselves as truly welcome. Today, we're joined by IFS practitioner and therapist, Jenna Riemersma to talk about how IFS can help us heal from our betrayal trauma and truly see how to welcome each "part" with compassion.
RESOURCES
JENNARIEMERSMA.COM (JENNA’S WEBSITE)
THE ATLANTA CENTER FOR RELATIONAL HEALING (JENNA’S ORGANIZATION)
PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (JENNA IS KEYNOTE SPEAKER)
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME (PODCAST EPISODE WITH JENNA)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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216 - Internal Family Systems & Addiction w/ Jenna Riemersma
Anyone struggling with addictions knows the feeling of internal warfare. Parts of us hate the addiction while other parts of us keep pursuing it. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model that identifies these "parts" in us and how they wage war with each other. As these parts fight it out, our unwanted behavior rages and wreaks havoc in our lives. Today, we're joined by IFS practitioner and therapist, Jenna Riemersma to talk about how IFS can help us battle our addictions and truly see how to welcome all parts of ourselves to the table.
RESOURCES
JENNARIEMERSMA.COM (JENNA’S WEBSITE)
THE ATLANTA CENTER FOR RELATIONAL HEALING (JENNA’S ORGANIZATION)
PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (JENNA IS KEYNOTE SPEAKER)
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME (PODCAST EPISODE WITH JENNA)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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215 - Free To Thrive w/ Ben Bennett
Ever battled anxiety, doubt, or shame? These often stem from unresolved emotional scars that leave us with unfulfilled longings. We try to fulfill these longings through unhealthy behaviors and relationships that end up hurting instead of helping. This is why Ben Bennett (and Josh McDowell) wrote the book, Free To Thrive! We talk to Ben about his new book and what thriving really looks like as a follower of Christ.
RESOURCES
FREE TO THRIVE BOOK (USE PROMO CODE "BEN" TO GET 25% OFF)
PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (BEN IS A KEYNOTE SPEAKER)
RESOLUTION MOVEMENT ON INSTAGRAM
RESOLUTION MOVEMENT ON YOUTUBE
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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214 - Myth Busters: Sex Every 72 Hours
Men and women in the church hear the message "men need sex every 72 hours." Though a regular sex life is good for a marriage, this message can cause damaging effects. Today, we explore this message and identify why it's a myth, discuss the negative impact it has, and what healthy sex looks like in marriage.
RESOURCES
BETHESDA WORKSHOPS (TODAY'S SPONSOR)
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213 - The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh McDowell
Apologist and author, Josh McDowell has spent the past few years focusing on the area of sexual brokenness, specifically pornography. Today, we talk to Josh about what he's learned from years of research on the effects of pornography. We talk about trends we're seeing and what we can do to change the tide of sexual brokenness in our world.
RESOURCES
FREE TO THRIVE (JOSH’S NEW BOOK)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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212 - 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma is a real thing. When sexual brokenness and addiction enter a marriage or relationship, betrayal trauma enters with it. But what is betrayal trauma? How does it show itself in a marriage? Today, we talk about 7 keys to understanding what betrayal trauma is and how to heal from it.
RESOURCES
7 KEYS TO UNDERSTANDING BETRAYAL TRAUMA (FREE EBOOK)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (STRUGGLING SPOUSE)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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211 - Stories Of Healing: Evelyn James
When Evelyn found out about her husband's addiction on their honeymoon, everything changed. You'd think it was addressed right then...well, it wasn't. Years later, when Evelyn finally drew her line in the sand, her husband joined a group and started his healing journey. From there, Evelyn experienced her own healing. And now? Well, she’s leading other women through their betrayal trauma and helping them develop self-worth. Today, Evelyn James shares her story of healing.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUP
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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210 - Hope For Betrayed Men
Though it may not happen as often, men do experience betrayal trauma. Whether it’s their wife’s sexual addiction, affair, or unwanted sexual behavior, men experience betrayal. Is it different for men than it is for women? What can men do if this happens? Who can they talk to? We talk with Rich Moore about his experience of betrayal trauma and talk through what hope for betrayed men looks like.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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209 - Avengers & Recovery
There are many parallels between superhero stories and recovery. In anticipation of the newest release in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, we explore themes, storylines, and dynamics of some of our favorite MCU heroes and apply them to our journey through healing and recovery.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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208 - Fight For Love w/ Rosie Makinney
When sexual addiction invades a marriage, the betrayed spouse feels like their life implodes. We can’t make sense of anything and trauma takes place. All this confusion and pain can cause us to get stuck between discovery and recovery. Today, we talk to Rosie Makinney, founder of Fight For Love Ministries, about how to help betrayed women get out of the difficult in-between and into healing and recovery.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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207 - Sexual Abuse & The Fearless Series
Sexual abuse is more prevalent than many of us realize. Statistics (even inside the church) are astronomical. So, what can we (the church) do about it? We talk to Dr. James and Laura Reeves about addressing sexual abuse in the church and their new video resource, The Fearless Series. We talk about who this series is for, how it helps, and what churches can do to help the women in our churches who've experienced sexual abuse.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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206 - Stories Of Healing: Ben Bennett
Ben Bennett, director of Resolution Movement (a Josh McDowell Ministry), was stuck in sexual addiction, depression, and anxiety. His sexual addiction was about survival. But through his introduction to Pure Desire, Ben found freedom from addiction. And as the author of Living Free (a recovery resource for college-aged men), Ben is leading others toward thriving in the life God intended for them. Today, we talk through how he went from sexual addiction to thriving.
RESOURCES
FREE TO THRIVE (PRE-ORDER BEN’S NEW BOOK)
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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205 - FAQ #11
Are sending intimate pictures of ourselves to our spouse ok? When do we start talking with our kids about sexuality? How do we help our kids if our spouse is addicted? These questions and more on today's Frequently Asked Questions episode.
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204 - The Great Sex Rescue w/ Sheila Wray Gregoire
What if intercourse isn't sex? What if sex is so much more than a sexual act between two people? Author, Sheila Wray Gregoire, joins us today to talk about her new book, The Great Sex Rescue. We talk about what sex really is and how to rescue it from how our world and culture distort it.
RESOURCES
TO LOVE, HONOR, AND VACUUM (SHEILA’S BLOG)
BARE MARRIAGE PODCAST (SHEILA’S PODCAST)
THE GREAT SEX RESCUE (SHEILA’S NEWEST BOOK)
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203 - Myth Busters: Emotions Are Bad
Are emotions bad? Point blank: No! So why do so many of us run away from them, avoid them, and disregard them? Today, we talk about the myth so many of us were taught: emotions are bad.
RESOURCES
INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS PODCAST EPISODE W/ JENNA RIEMERSMA
ALTOGETHER YOU (JENNA RIEMERSMA’S BOOK)
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202 - Stories Of Healing: Asher & Ashley Sears
Asher and Ashley Sears had a typical back and forth marriage with sexual addiction and betrayal. But they don't live that way now! Why is this? Just by chance, Ashley was introduced to a recovery resource and encouraged Asher to pursue it. Neither knew this would kickstart new levels of healing and intimacy in their marriage. Today, we hear their beautiful story of healing.
RESOURCES
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201 - What If My Struggling Spouse Doesn't Want Healing?
For a marriage to truly heal from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, both spouses need healing. We refer to it as a “family systems issue.” But what if our struggling spouse doesn’t want to pursue healing? Should we continue on our own healing journey? Can we help them? Should we even try to? We talk about this very difficult and very common situation on today’s episode.
RESOURCES
FACING HEARTBREAK BY DR. STEFANIE CARNES (BOOK)
ALTOGETHER YOU BY JENNA RIEMERSMA (BOOK)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (FEMALE BETRAYAL RESOURCE)
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200 - Favorites, Feedback, and the Future
We made it to 200 episodes! Honestly, it’s because you guys, our listeners! We would not continue recording these episodes if they weren’t helpful and encouraging on the journey to healing and freedom. To celebrate our 200th episode, we decided to mix it up. We’re looking at some of our favorites, some feedback, and what we have coming in the future. Please celebrate with us and tell us your favorite episode! Fill out this quick FORM and enter to win a free Pure Desire Podcast Mug!
RESOURCES
JOIN TEAM 58 (MONTHLY GIVERS TO PURE DESIRE)
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199 - Help! My Group Member Keeps Relapsing
The recovery process oftentimes includes relapse. This is part of the journey of breaking free from sexual brokenness. But what if we have a group member who continues to relapse over and over again? How do we handle this? How do we encourage them? Do we kick them out of group? We answer all of these questions and more on today's episode!
RESOURCES
RELAPSE PREVENTION PLAN (TOOL)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN FOR STRUGGLING SPOUSE (TOOL)
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198 - Healing Your Inner Child w/ Drew Boa
Trauma and woundedness enter our lives early. The ways in which a little kid is hurt tend to show up much later in life through unwanted behaviors and emotional numbness. We often don’t view our struggles this way. But that’s why we had Drew Boa (founder of Husband Material Academy) back on the show to discuss our inner child. We talk about how to offer healing to our inner child and what the process entails.
RESOURCES
HUSBAND MATERIAL COMMUNITY APP
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197 - Accountability vs. Recovery Groups
Both accountability and recovery groups are important! But they are different. And the difference is important. For example: traditional accountability groups put responsibility on the group itself; where recovery groups put the responsibility on the individual. We discuss this difference and four others on today’s episode.
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196 - Porn As A Pacifier w/ Drew Boa
Because of the wounds, trauma, and struggles in life, we often run to easy things to medicate our pain. Pornography is a great soother but ultimately leads to the destruction of life and relationships. On today’s podcast, we sat down with the founder of Husband Material Academy, Drew Boa, and talked about how porn is used as a pacifier in our lives and what it looks like to soothe ourselves in healthy ways.
RESOURCES
HUSBAND MATERIAL COMMUNITY APP
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195 - Stories Of Healing: Clint & Charity Muñoz
Clint and Charity Muñoz are thriving in marriage and ministry. But it hasn't always been that way. Sexual addiction reared its head in their marriage and brought destruction with it. But, through a trusted process and hard work, Clint and Charity are leading others into the same healing they've experienced. Today, we hear their story of healing.
RESOURCES
RESTORED 2 MORE YOUTUBE CHANNEL
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194 - Tools For Betrayal: Three Circles
A common tool on the recovery journey is the Relapse Prevention Tool (also known as the Three Circles). This tool helps with what the name suggests: relapse prevention. So, why would someone experiencing betrayal trauma use this tool? Today, we explore how this tool can help betrayed spouses.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR MEN)
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193 - Tools For Betrayal: Recovery Action Plan
When sexual addiction enters our marriage, it often feels as if it came out of nowhere. Betrayal trauma hits us like a high-speed train, laying us flat. But do we need to stay flat on the ground? We don’t believe so. We can start to get back up with tools like the Recovery Action Plan. Today, we talk about how this tool helps create safety and puts a process in place to establish boundaries and consequences to bring about restoration in relationships.
RESOURCES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN TOOL (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN TOOL (STRUGGLING SPOUSE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR MEN)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (PODCAST)
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192 - Tools For Betrayal: Commitment To Change & Double Bind
How does a weekly commitment to change help us heal from betrayal trauma? It helps us face our double-binds (rock-and-hard-place). Today, we explore how a Commitment to Change and addressing our double-binds brings healing for betrayal trauma.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
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191 - Tools For Betrayal: FASTER Scale
Betrayal trauma is very real. But healing from it isn't always clear. Self-awareness is one of the biggest steps to beginning to heal from betrayal. This week, we talk about how betrayed spouses/individuals can use the FASTER Scale (awareness tool) to bring healing into their lives.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
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190 - Stories Of Healing: Joe McCarthy
Joe McCarthy is a successful restaurant owner, leads Pure Desire groups, and is incredibly passionate about helping men break free of addiction and shame. But it wasn't always that way. Alcoholism and a pornography addiction plagued Joe for a large portion of his life. Starting in AA, Joe found that healing was possible. We talk to Joe about his powerful story of breaking free of sexual brokenness and how he is now leading others into the freedom they most desire.
RESOURCES
MELTZ EXTREME GRILLED CHEESE (JOE’S BUSINESS)
LAPSE VS. RELAPSE (PODCAST EPISODE)
PASTORAL SEX ADDICTION PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATION (IITAP)
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189 - Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is not talked about enough. Abusive patterns can exist for years and even decades before we realize it’s actually abuse. These situations definitely play out in the realm of sexual addiction and brokenness. Today, we talk about how to identify domestic abuse, how to create a space to talk about it, and what we can do about it.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
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188 - Same-Sex Attraction w/ John Fort
What does recovery look like if we are attracted to the same sex? Is it something we can heal from? Does it ever go away? What if our spouse is attracted to the same sex? We discuss these questions with John Fort, Director of Training for Be Broken Ministries, as he shares his story of same-sex attraction and addiction.
RESOURCES
HONEST TALK: A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX (JOHN’S BOOK)
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187 - Overcoming Brokenness w/ Paul Young
Healing brokenness requires facing brokenness. Paul Young is known as a #1 New York Times bestselling author, but people might not know that trauma and abuse entered Paul’s life at a very early age. Trauma then ran up against addiction, Christian paradigms, and fear of exposure. On today’s episode, Paul shares his story of brokenness and what it took to face the damage his brokenness caused.
RESOURCES
THE PASTOR: A CRISIS (PAUL’S NEW BOOK)
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186 - God & The LGBT Community w/ Janet Boynes
Historically, the church struggles on how to best minister to the LGBT community. Our guest today, Janet Boynes, knows this first hand. After living as a lesbian for over a decade, God called Janet out of her lifestyle and into ministry. On today's episode, Janet helps us hear God's heart for our LGBT brothers and sisters and how churches can come alongside and love on them.
RESOURCES
CALLED OUT INTERNATIONAL (JANET’S MINISTRY)
GOD & SEXUALITY: TRUTH & RELEVANCE WITHOUT COMPROMISE (JANET’S BOOK)
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185 - What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want Healing?
For a marriage to truly heal from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, both spouses need healing. We refer to it as a "family systems issue." But what if our betrayed spouse doesn't want to pursue healing? Should we continue on our own journey? Can we help them? Should we even try to? We talk about this very difficult and very common situation on today's episode.
RESOURCES
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184 - Groups For Young Women
The rate of increasing exposure and addiction to pornography is growing rapidly in the lives of young women. Statistics say it's the fastest-growing rate among all demographics. That's a problem. What can we do? We can run Behind The Mask groups for young women. On today's episode, we discuss the content, group structure, leadership, and impact of running these groups for students/young adults in the church.
RESOURCES
BEHIND THE MASK (RESOURCE FOR YOUNG WOMEN WHO STRUGGLE)
UNRAVELED (RESOURCE FOR WOMEN WHO STRUGGLE)
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING FOR LOCAL GROUPS (TOOL)
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING FOR ONLINE GROUPS (TOOL)
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
LOVE ADDICTION EVALUATION (TOOL)
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183 - Growing Connection In Marriage
Intimacy in marriage doesn't just happen. It takes being intentional and working together to establish healthy intimacy in our relationships. That's why we created a resource to help: Connected. On today's episode, we talk through our Connected resource and how it helps couples build a bridge to the intimacy they've always wanted.
RESOURCES
CONNECTED: BUILDING A BRIDGE TO INTIMACY
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (STRUGGLING MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYED WOMEN)
UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS (STRUGGLING WOMEN)
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182 - 2020: In Review
The year 2020 was traumatic, painful, and stressful for so many. Loss, brokenness, and disruption were felt by all. Whether it was the Coronavirus, racial injustice, fires, presidential elections, or anything in between: 2020 was packed full of difficulty. But, were there any positives to 2020? Anything we learned? Any helpful perspectives we can carry into a new year? We talk about this and more on today’s podcast.
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181 - Present For The Holidays: Double Binds
The holidays can easily put us in those rock-and-a-hard-place situations. Our ability to manage and maneuver through these situations is tied directly to our health. On today's episode, we identify double binds that arise during the holidays, how they impact our sexual health, and the positive outcomes of handling them well.
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180 - Present For The Holidays: Managing Stress
The holidays can be stressful. There's no way around it. And stress is very connected to unwanted sexual behaviors. For that reason, managing stress during the holidays is essential to sexual health. On today's episode, we talk about stress during the holidays, how it shows up, and healthy ways to manage it.
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179 - Present For The Holidays: Relationships
The holidays, though often presented as a joyous time, actually can be a stressful time for relationships. For that reason, being present in our relationships is crucial to staying in health. Today, we talk about why relationships can be so difficult during this season, how to avoid isolation, and creative ways to invest in relationships during the holidays.
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178 - Present For The Holidays: Emotional Awareness
The holidays, though often presented as a joyous time, actually can be an extremely emotional time for so many. For that reason, being present with our emotions is crucial in maintaining health. Today, we talk about what emotional awareness is, how to get more of it, who it impacts, and why it's important in our health and recovery.
RESOURCES
FASTER SCALE (SELF-AWARENESS TOOL)
THOUGHTS/FEELINGS AWARENESS LOG
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177 - Re-Solution w/ Ben Bennett
Are we reaching the next generations? This is a scary question to ask. But if we don’t ask, we might not get the answer. Today, it’s one of the biggest areas of ministry for followers of Jesus. How do we help the next generations live into the life God has for them? Ben Bennett, director of Resolution, joins us to talk about how we can help the younger generations of our day overcome their hurts, struggles, and learn to thrive.
RESOURCES
THE TOP REASONS YOUNG PEOPLE DROP OUT OF CHURCH (BLOG)
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176 - How To Start The Conversation At Your Church
If we want to create a safe place for healing from the effects of sexual brokenness in our churches, we have to start the conversation. On today’s episode, we walk through 7 steps to starting this conversation at your church.
RESOURCES
HOW TO START THE CONVERSATION ABOUT PURE DESIRE GROUPS (PDF)
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
DEVELOPING A PURE DESIRE MINISTRY (PDF)
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175 - Honesty vs. Disclosure
Honesty in recovery is non-negotiable. But is honesty the same thing as disclosure? On today's episode, we talk through the difference between honesty and disclosure in the recovery process.
RESOURCES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (STRUGGLING SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
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174 - Boundaries In Recovery
When addiction and betrayal are present in a relationship, boundaries will be essential to healing. But how do we know if boundaries are a legit need or excessive? How do we agree on the boundaries we need? We talk this and more on today's episode.
RESOURCES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
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173 - No Shame Churches
No pastor/leader sets out to create a culture of shame in their church. But it happens. Today, with the help of Rodney Wright, we unpack how we inadvertently create a culture of shame in our churches, how to shift the culture, and the impact a safe place can truly be.
RESOURCES
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
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172 - The Female Addict & Unraveled
Women who struggle with pornography tend to be overlooked. Culturally, far too many in the church believe this is just a man's struggle. On today's episode, Ashley Jameson helps us identify what addiction looks like for women, how to help them, and what it looks like to create a culture where women can ask for help in this arena.
RESOURCES
SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST
JULI SLATTERY ON PURE DESIRE PODCAST
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171 - Lapse vs. Relapse
As we move forward in our recovery, we can run into gray areas when it comes to our patterns and habits. Our clinical director, Tyler Chinchen helps us venture into one of those gray areas: lapse vs. relapse. What is the difference? Who should know? What should we do if a lapse happens? This and more on today's episode.
RESOURCES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
3 CIRCLES (RELAPSE PREVENTION TOOL) PODCAST
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170 - Stories Of Healing: Rich Moore
Rich was on the verge of spending 49 years in prison–the first person in Oregon State history to be charged under Measure 11. Many decisions and experiences led him to this point, but Rich didn't spend a single day in prison. Now, 23 years later, he's been leading and running Pure Desire groups for two decades. How is this possible? Rich joins us on the podcast to share his story.
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169 - Myth Busters: Time Heals All Wounds
Many of us were taught that time heals all wounds. But, as we discuss in today's episode, that is not reality. Time doesn't heal wounds. We talk about why that is and what does actually heal our wounds.
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168 - Sexual Trauma
Something that we often hear about in the area of sexual brokenness is sexual trauma. Sadly, it’s such a common experience for so many. Today, we wanted to talk about sexual trauma, how it affects our lives, and how to find healing from it.
RESOURCES
3 CIRCLES TOOL (RELAPSE PREVENTION)
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167 - Creating Safe Spaces w/ Keith Jenkins
What does it look like to create churches/communities that are safe? Keith Jenkins–a pastor, black man, and a military veteran–joins us today and helps us think through how to best process through the challenging political, racial, and divisive times we live in.
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166 - How To Talk To Your Spouse About Sex
One of the best ways to create a healthier sex life with your spouse is communication. Today, we sit down Dan and Jenn Howie to discuss why it can be so difficult to talk to your spouse about sex. We also discuss how to talk to each other and what it looks like to improve that communication.
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165 - FAQ #10
How do we discuss our struggles with our spouse? How do moms help their young sons? Is masturbation a sin? These questions and more on today's Frequently Asked Questions episode.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Message/DM us with your questions
RESOURCES
HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX
WHAT HUSBANDS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MENOPAUSE (FOCUS ON THE FAMILY ARTICLE)
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164 - Ending Group Well
Each recovery and support group is going to end someday. But that doesn’t mean that the healing will end. How our groups come to a close can set a trajectory for forward motion in our recovery and healing. Ending the group is not only important and it is very possible.
RESOURCES
SUPPLEMENTAL COUNSELING (RECOVERY FOR STRUGGLING)
SUPPLEMENTAL COUNSELING (SUPPORT FOR BETRAYAL)
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163 - The Soul Of Shame w/ Curt Thompson
Shame is a powerful force in the world, one that drives many of our unwanted behaviors. Today, we are joined by Dr. Curt Thompson, a psychiatrist, speaker, and author, who walks us through what shame is, how we often misunderstand it, and how it can be used to lead us to a better relationship with God and others.
RESOURCES
CURT'S WRITING:
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162 - Student Groups
If we want to see future generations live in sexual health, we have to equip them with the tools they need. Today's episode is focused on recovery groups for students. Who should lead them, how to get students interested, and the impact these groups can have in our world.
RESOURCES
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161 - Talking With Your Adult Kids
Today we talk with Dan and Jenn Howie about sharing their story of sexual brokenness with their adult kids. We talk about what to share, when to share, and why it's important to share with our kids, regardless of their age.
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160 - The Different Parts Of Me w/ Jenna Riemersma
Have you ever echoed the musing of the Apostle Paul, "For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do"? You're not alone! Many of us have this experience–feeling like there are different parts of us that want different things. Those feelings are not abnormal. On today's episode, we talked with Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems–a revolutionary approach to understanding why we do things we don't want to do and have such a hard time doing what we want to do.
RESOURCES
JENNAREIMERSMA.COM (JENNA’S WEBSITE)
ATLANTA CENTER FOR RELATIONAL HEALING
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159 - Sexual Integrity 101
So many men, women, and churches struggle with knowing where to start in the area of unwanted sexual behavior. How do we find freedom from the struggle? How do we experience healing from betrayal? How do we help our people navigate sexual brokenness? We have the answer: our new 8-week video course, Sexual Integrity 101!
RESOURCES
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
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158 - Recovery Tools: Recovery Action Plan
Another relapse happens...what do you do? The Recovery Action Plan is a prepared course of action so you know exactly what to do, who to talk to, and what re-establishing trust will look like. Today we talk about how this tool not only gives us a post-relapse plan of action but also is an amazing deterrent for future relapse.
RESOURCES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED)
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157 - Recovery Tools: Phone Calls
Have you ever heard the phrase, "An oldie but a goodie?" Though we live in a world of messaging and social media communication, there is tons of value in making a simple phone call. Today we talk about the importance of phone calls on the road to recovery.
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156 - Recovery Tools: 3 Circles
Many of us keep returning to those old unwanted behaviors. Why is that? Far too many of us just focus on what not to do instead of creating a plan toward what we want to do. The 3 Circles tool helps us identify what we want to stop, guardrails to keep us from it, and the healthy habits we need for change.
RESOURCES
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155 - Recovery Tools: Commitment to Change
Have you ever had a behavior you wanted to stop but couldn't? What if there was a tool to help you put practical steps in place to make the changes you want to see? Enter: the Commitment to Change tool.
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154 - Recovery Tools: Double Bind
We all find ourselves in rock-and-a-hard-place situations. No one lives without them. That's even more true when battling unwanted sexual behavior. Today we talk through a tool that helps flesh out these situations and how we can use it to bring about the change we're looking for.
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153 - Recovery Tools: FASTER Scale
Healing and recovery happen only through self-awareness. Today we revisit an old friend on the recovery journey: the FASTER Scale. This self-awareness tool is essential on the road to healing from unwanted sexual behavior. We talk what it is, best practices, mistakes commonly made, and more.
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152 - Leading Unraveled Groups
Leading addiction recovery groups can be challenging. Especially when leading women through them. Women struggle with unique levels of shame and hopelessness when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. That's why we talk through how to best lead women through Unraveled Groups.
RESOURCES
EPISODE 095 – UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS
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151 - Porn Free w/ Matt Dobschuetz
We sat down for a mash-up episode with Matt Dobschuetz of Porn-Free Radio on today's episode. We talked about freedom, integrity, church culture, and a bunch of other random topics.
RESOURCES
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150 - Betrayed Spouse & Legal Issues
Sexual addiction affects more than the person struggling. Especially when there are legal ramifications. Today we ask Jenn Howie how she maneuvered through the legal issues caused by sexual addiction in her previous marriage.
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149 - Sexual Abuse Of Women In The Bible
Sexual abuse of women is sadly not only something that is present today, we see that it goes back even into biblical times. Our guest, Julianna Smith, a Ph.D. student researching the abuse of women in the Bible, gives us her findings while also helping us identify ways the church can push back against sexual abuse of women.
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148 - PD-L Program
Where can pastors go if they struggle with sexually compulsive behaviors? What options do they have to get healthy? We talk to a denomination president and a local pastor about the Pure Desire Leaders (PD-L) program and how it's helped their denomination create a safe place for their pastors to get healthy.
RESOURCES
PURE DESIRE LEADERS (PD-L) PROGRAM
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147 - Myth Busters: Not In My Church
Many leaders and church-goers buy into the myth that sexual addiction doesn't impact their churches. Today, we dive into this myth and unpack why it is that we ignore the reality of sexual brokenness in our churches. We also talk through what someone can do if they see the reality when their leaders do not, and why it's so essential to have a recovery ministry for those impacted by sexual brokenness.
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146 - Groups Launch Night
As we begin Pure Desire groups in our churches and communities, it's so important how we communicate them, making it clear what purpose they serve. On today's episode, we talk about the importance of a groups launch night, what the night should look like, and what major things to avoid.
RESOURCES
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING (ONLINE GROUP)
LEGAL ISSUES IN GROUP (PODCAST)
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145 - Stories of Healing: Dan & Jenn Howie
We sit down with Dan and Jenn Howie to hear their incredible story of healing from the pain and trauma of sexual addiction. They describe how it affected their previous marriages, how it impacted their kids, and what they've learned throughout the process of healing.
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144 - Relationships In Recovery
How do our relationships change when we begin our recovery journey? Do we share our process with everyone? No one? How do we be open and honest about our process while protecting our confidential groups? We talk all this and more on today's episode.
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143 - Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew Boa
Everyone wants a healthy marriage. And all of us, if we could, would go back and prepare ourselves better for walking into marriage. On today's episode, we talk to Drew Boa (founder of Husband Material and a licensed PSAP) about the why, the how, and the benefits of getting healthy sexually before marriage.
RESOURCES
For Husband Material scholarships – email Drew: DREW@HUSBANDMATERIAL.COM
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142 - Facing Your Fantasies w/ Drew Boa
Sexual fantasies are a difficult topic to dive into. Whether it's shame or the uncomfortable nature of sharing them, this is an area for many men/women that is avoided. Our guest, founder of Husband Material, author, and a PSAP, Drew Boa talks us through the power of wading into our fantasies and the health that's waiting for us on the other side.
RESOURCES
Drew’s Resources:
Pure Desire Resources:
EPISODE 060 – AROUSAL TEMPLATE
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141 - How To Stay Healthy In World Crisis
In the midst of a world crisis, it's easy to slip back into unhealthy habits and behaviors. In today's episode, we give 5 tips on how to stay healthy even in the midst of the COVID-19/Coronavirus pandemic.
RESOURCES
GROUP GUIDELINES – EPISODE 043
LEADING BETRAYAL & BEYOND GROUPS – EPISODE 079
LEADING 7 PILLARS GROUPS – EPISODE 088
LEADING CONQUER GROUPS – EPISODE 065
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140 - Pirate Monks w/ Nate Larkin
Having a safe place to be open and honest about our struggles is so essential to healing in the area of our sexuality. Our guest, the founder of Samson Society and author, Nate Larkin, tells of his experience as a sex addict growing up in the church and ministry and shares how he finally found freedom.
RESOURCES
SAMSON AND THE PIRATE MONKS (NATE’S BOOK)
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139 - Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot w/ Mo Isom
Too often in the church, pornography and sexually compulsive behaviors are viewed as just a man's issue. But our guest today, New York Times Best-Selling Author, Mo Isom, blows up that paradigm and presses into her own story and how the culture in the church around sexuality must change.
RESOURCES
SEX, JESUS, AND THE CONVERSATIONS THE CHURCH FORGOT (MO’S BOOK)
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138 - Infamous Group Members: The Slacker
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Slacker. How does not doing our group work hurt the group? What do we do if we're a group leader of a slacker? How do we help ensure all members do their work?
RESOURCES
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137 - Infamous Group Members: The Advice-Giver
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Advice-Giver. What do we do if we have a group member always giving advice? What if we are the advice-giver? How do we create a group experience without advice-giving?
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136 - Infamous Group Members: The Late-Comer
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Late-Comer. What do we do if we have someone in our group who's always showing up late? How do we help if we're the leader or a fellow group member? How do we change our own lateness issue?
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135 - Infamous Group Members: The Over-Talker
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Over-Talker. What do we do if we have an over-talker in our group? What do we do if we're the leader or just a group member? What do we do if we're the over-talker?
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134 - New Year, Renewed Freedom
We see that as we grow in our health, there are layers to even more freedom to be experienced. What if we feel stuck in our recovery? How do we break out of that stuckness and get to those next layers of freedom? How do we know we've reached a new layer? We talk all this on today's episode.
RESOURCES
UNRAVELED (Recovery Resource for Women)
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM (Recovery Resource for Men)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (Betrayal Resource for Women)
HOPE FOR MEN (Betrayal Resource for Men)
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133 - New Year, Renewed Awareness
We see that self-awareness is one of the biggest keys to growing in any area. So, with this new decade upon us, what does it look like to grow in that self-awareness? How do we find areas where we need more of it? How do we practically grow in it? And is there such a thing as "too much" self-awareness? We talk this and more!
RESOURCES
THE SOUL OF SHAME by Curt Thompson
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132 - New Year, Renewed Relationships
When creating new goals, we rarely focus on our relationships. It's easy to create goals/rhythms that are measurable. But creating goals and achieving them in our relationships is much tougher. Today we talk about what, how, and why of creating goals for renewed relationships in 2020.
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131 - New Year, Renewed Rhythms
With the start of a new decade, many of us are trying to maintain the goals we've set. But what if, instead of creating new goals, we focused on implementing new rhythms? On today's episode, we discuss the difference between rhythms and goals, how we know what areas we need growth in, and how to create sustainable change in our lives.
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130 - Starting The New Year Right!
As we end a new decade, it's easy for us to focus on the future. Questions like, "Who do I want to become?" or "What growth do I need?" are quick to come to mind. Today, we cover some thoughts on what it looks like to start a new year and a new decade right!
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129 - The Greatest Gift You'll Give
It's Christmas time! Every Christmas, the act of giving easily becomes primary in our minds. But what sort of gifts are we giving? Are they small and short-term? Or are there gifts that we can give others that create new trajectory and health in our lives? We talk through the greatest gift you can give others!
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128 - Drop Your Shame w/ Ben Bennett
Ben Bennett, author, speaker, and leader of a new initiative with Josh McDowell, joins us today to talk about shame. We walk through 5 steps to dropping shame off of ourselves and how to live a shame-free life.
RESOURCES
SELF-IMAGE: FIVE STEPS TO OVERCOME SHAME (Ben’s blog)
LIVING FREE by Ben Bennett (College Age resource)
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127 - Healthy vs. Sober
What does sexual health look like? Is it sobriety? Or is it more? On today's episode, we discuss the difference between holistic health and sobriety, and how pursuing each plays out in recovery.
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126 - Building a Bridge to Intimacy
"Intimacy" has become a junk-drawer term today. What does it really mean? Why is it important in relationships? And how can it be created and maintained in our relationships? We talk through these questions on today's episode!
RESOURCES
CONNECTED (Marriage Resource)
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125 - Myth Busters: Christians Can't Be Addicted
We know that addiction is a part of this world. But there seems to be a tension between being a Christian and also struggling with an addiction. Today we talk through why the church is afraid of the word "addiction," understanding God's power in addictions, and steps needed to break free from addiction.
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124 - How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
We have a new resource out for parents! A book simply titled, How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex. We sat down with the authors, Rodney and Traci Wright to discuss all things this book. We explore this tough topic and give a peek inside the book!
RESOURCES
HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX (BOOK)
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123 - Moral Failure of Public Figures
With the recent news of another public figure in the Christian realm admitting to destructive sexual behaviors, we find ourselves asking, "Is this going to keep happening?" On today's episode, we discuss why this seems to keep happening, how we should respond, what we should do about it, and more!
RESOURCES
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122 - Promoting Groups
Promoting groups for sexual brokenness and betrayal is not an easy task. How do you invite others in? What is the best way to do sign-ups? Where should we announce them? In this episode, we jump in on how to best promote Pure Desire groups in your church or community.
RESOURCES
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121 - 5 Tips to Sharing Your Story
There is tremendous power in sharing our story of God's healing. We discuss 5 tips on crafting a powerful telling of the healing we've experienced in ways that diminish shame, paint a real picture of healing, and invite others into their own healing.
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120 - Online Groups
Pure Desire now offers a BRAND NEW way to find healing from sexual brokenness and betrayal: ONLINE GROUPS. We talk about the new online group system and format, we talk about the Certified Group Leaders who lead them, and what you can expect in a Pure Desire Online Group!
RESOURCES
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119 - Isolation
We find that isolation is the breeding ground of shame and addiction. So, what is isolation? What does it look like? How do we know when we're isolating? If we are, how do we break out of isolation? We talk all of these things on today's episode!
RESOURCES
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118 - FAQ #9
Is demonic possession present in sexual addiction? When do you disclose to a boyfriend/girlfriend? Are sexual aids ok in the marriage bed? How much is too much to share? These questions and more on today's #PDFAQ episode.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line: PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
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117 - Separation & Divorce
Separation and divorce are a harsh reality for some on the road to recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal. We talk through how to handle the shame, if it affects our relationship with God, maintaining sobriety throughout, and more.
RESOURCES
EPISODE 070 – STORIES OF HEALING: MIKE MAXWELL
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116 - Myth Busters: Sexual Addiction Is About Sex
Sexual Addiction Is About Sex = Myth. We sit down to talk about why sexual addiction is not about sex, what it truly is about, how to find freedom, and how to help others avoid buying into the myth.
RESOURCES
UNWANTED: HOW SEXUAL BROKENNESS REVEALS OUR WAY TO HEALING by Jay Stringer
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115 - Love, Sex, and Dating
Our guest hosts dive right into some of the most frequently asked questions when it comes to love, sex, and dating. Questions like: how far is too far? When is the right time to discuss my sexual history? What are some practical boundaries to keep my relationship pure? And even more.
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114 - Generational Curses
We see in Scripture that Generational Curses are a part of sin entering our world. But are they still a thing today? How do we know we are suffering from generational curses? How do we break free from them? We talk this and more on today's episode.
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113 - Women & Sex
We have a surprise for you on today's episode. Two guests take over the podcast and talk through frequently asked questions from women regarding sex. This is an episode you won't want to miss!
RESOURCES
Contact Info:
Heather Kolb heatherk@puredesire.org
Ashley Jameson ashleyj@puredesire.org
SEX DURING RECOVERY – EPISODE 057
UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS
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112 - Stories of Healing: Scott & Cassie Spicer
We sat down with Scott & Cassie Spicer to hear their story of overcoming addiction and betrayal in their marriage. We discuss when they realized it was a problem, how they finally found freedom, and the impact it has made on their lives. This is a beautiful story of redemption and hope.
RESOURCES
EXPOSED by James & Teri Kraft
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111 - Group Leaders & Disclosure
Leading group members through the disclosure process is a very difficult thing for a group leader. Today's episode, we dive into how to handle it, what are do's and don'ts, and what the role of the group leader is in the disclosure process of the group.
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110 – What Parents Need To Know About Porn
Pornography is becoming more and more mainstream in our culture. As parents, this means we cannot disengage the topic and hope for the best for our kids. Today's episode, we dive into what parents need to know about porn, how to talk to your kids about it, and what your role looks like in the sexual health of your kids.
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109 – Developing As A Group Leader
Being a Pure Desire Group Leader is hard work. And because of the nature of the work, developing as a leader is a necessity. Today, Nick and Trevor talk to Ashley Jameson about what it looks like to get better as a PD Group Leader.
RESOURCES
REGIONAL GROUP ADVISORS (RGA’S)
UNWANTED (BOOK) – JAY STRINGER
RETHINKING SEXUALITY (BOOK) – DR. JULI SLATTERY
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108 – Sexual Discipleship w/ Dr. Juli Slattery
We talk to Dr. Juli Slattery about what she calls "Sexual Discipleship." She describes the difficulty of talking about sex in the church, how it changes the church, how sexual discipleship changes the culture, and how it all should look in the church.
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107 – Summer Sobriety 2
Sobriety during the summer is oftentimes a difficult task. On today's episode, we talk through 5 tips on how to maintain healthy sexuality through the summer months.
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106 – Full Disclosure
Disclosure is a part of the recovery process. It's a very difficult one, but very necessary. We talk through the definition, purpose, and benefits of a full disclosure. And we also talk through what a proper full disclosure should look like.
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105 – Soul Ties
Scripture describes sexual sin as one that uniquely affects the body. Today's episode, we spend time talking through Soul Ties. Diane Roberts joins us to talk about what Soul Ties are, how to identify them, and how to break free from them.
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104 – Healthy Sex Life
Everyone wants a healthy sex life. Period. But what does it actually mean to have one? How often should married couples have sex? What qualifies as good sex? How do you improve the health of your sex life?
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103 – Relapse & Recovery
Relapse often becomes almost a swear word in the journey to recovery. But what qualifies as a relapse? How should we view relapse on the recovery journey? Can we use relapse for future health? Should we disclose every relapse? All these questions are answered here!
RESOURCES
EPISODE 008 – 3 CIRCLES (RELAPSE PREVENTION TOOL)
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102 – Power Of Gratitude
Gratitude is a topic most of us know well. But how does it benefit us? What role does it play in recovery? How do we develop it? This and more on today's episode!
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101 – Men's Q&A
Today's episode is audio from Trevor and Nick's recent Q&A at a men's breakfast. They talk about length of group, neurochemistry, disclosure, and more!
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100 – Looking Back, Some Favorites, and the Future
WE MADE IT TO 100 EPISODES! We spend some time chatting about the past 99 episodes, Trevor's favorites of Nick's intros, and some cool stuff Pure Desire has going for the future!
RESOURCES
FAVORITE EPISODES
Trevor’s:
EPISODE 015 – PERSONAL PROMISES
EPISODE 032 – SINGLENESS & ADDICTION PT. 1
EPISODE 033 – SINGLENESS & ADDICTION PT. 2
EPISODE 041 – MISTAKES CHURCHES MAKE
EPISODE 043 – GROUP GUIDELINES
Nick’s:
EPISODE 080 – ACCOUNTABILITY SOFTWARE: COVENANT EYES
EPISODE 084 – UNWANTED PT. 1 W/ JAY STRINGER
EPISODE 085 – UNWANTED PT. 2 W/ JAY STRINGER
EPISODE 057 – SEX DURING RECOVERY
EPISODES 020-094 – FAQ EPISODES
TREVOR’S FAVORITE “NICK INTROS”
EPISODE 038 – LOVE ADDICTION PT. 1
EPISODE 052 – 8 TIPS FOR LAUNCHING GROUPS
EPISODE 063 – STORIES OF HEALING: PATTY MORENO
EPISODE 095 – UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS
FUTURE PROJECTS
8-WEEK SEXUAL INTEGRITY VIDEO TRAINING
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099 – Pastoral Failure
Why does pastoral moral failure happen as often as is does? Is there anything we can do about it? Will it always be this way? If it does happen, how are we to respond? Today's episode is a heavy one, but it needs to be talked about.
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098 – 5 Reasons To Get Counseling
"Counseling" can seem like a taboo topic in the church world. But does it need to be? What if counseling is the one thing to help break those negative habits in our lives? Today's episode we discuss 5 primary reasons to consider getting counseling on your journey to sexual integrity.
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097 - Promoting Pure Desire Groups At Your Church
The idea of promoting groups for sexual purity and betrayal in the church is not an easy or necessarily fun one. Today we talk about what the best ways are to promote Pure Desire groups in a way that catches more people and gets them the healing they need.
RESOURCES
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096 - Smartphone Purity Hacks
Is it even possible to own a smartphone and be sexually healthy? The answer is a huge YES! In this episode, we talk through 5 purity hacks to owning and operating a smartphone.
RESOURCES
COVENANT EYES: use “PureDesire” promo code to get the first month free!
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095 - Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, & Relationships
What does it look like to have healthy relationships? Is true pure love possible? How should sexuality play out in my life? We spend time talking through our newest women's resource: Unraveled, and what life change women can expect to gain from it.
RESOURCES
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094 - FAQ #8
Are wet dreams sinful? How do you manage sobriety on sick days? Why don't we offer same-sex attraction groups? Do we always need group? These are only a few of the questions we address in our newest FAQ episode.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
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RESOURCES
SEX DURING RECOVERY (PD Podcast)
SAFE by Nick Stumbo
DIGITAL NATIVES by Bryan Roberts & Heather Kolb
MENDED (Marriage Resource)
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093 - Making A Better Commitment To Change
The Commitment to Change (C2C) is a weekly tool that Pure Desire groups use on the road to recovery. But how do we unlock the vast potential of this tool? What makes a C2C effective? How can it help us develop holistic health? Listen in to find out!
RESOURCES
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092 - Escape Plan
Creating a plan for when temptation or triggers show up is always better when done in times of clear thinking and done with brutal honesty. What should this plan look like? What makes an effective escape plan for maintaining sexual integrity? We talk these and more.
RESOURCES
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091 - I Got Caught, Now What?
What do we do if we are caught in our porn/sex addiction? What's the first thing we should do? How can being caught be a good thing for our recovery? These questions and more are answered in this episode.
RESOURCES
STORIES OF HEALING: ERNIE & JACKIE’S STORY
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090 – I Caught My Spouse, Now What?
What do we do if we catch our spouse in a porn/sex addiction? What's the first thing we should do? What are some major pitfalls in how to respond? These are just some of the questions we address in today's episode.
RESOURCES
STORIES OF HEALING: ERNIE & JACKIE’S STORY
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (GROUP RESOURCE)
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089 - The Female Addict
Do women struggle with porn or sexual addiction? How do churches help women who do? What does recovery look like for women? How can we diminish the shame women addicts feel? We answer these questions and more in this episode.
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088 - Leading Seven Pillars
What does it take to lead men through healing from sexual addiction? What do I need in order to lead these men? What kinds of support and resources do I need to effectively lead men into sexual integrity? We answer these questions and more in today's episode.
RESOURCES
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM LEADER’S GUIDE
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087 - SWORD Drill
We talk to our founder, Dr. Ted Roberts, about the practical bible studying tool used in our group resources–the SWORD Drill. We look at Nehemiah 8:10 and walk through how to read, experience, understand and implement practical steps from God's word.
RESOURCES
READING THE BIBLE WITH RABBI JESUS (BOOK)
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086 - Stories Of Healing: Rick Bulman
We talk to Rick Bulman about how he and his wife, Tiffany, walked through the darkest of times in their marriage and how God took that mess and made it their message. We talk with Rick about what gave them hope and healing, the role of counseling in their recovery, how their relationships have healed, and their new book Mended.
RESOURCES
MENDED (BOOK) BY RICK & TIFFANY BULMAN
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085 - Unwanted (Pt. 2)
We talk to Jay Stringer, author, and mental health counselor, about his research and book, Unwanted. We talk to Jay about what he found in his research of almost 4,000 people, how to listen to your lust, and his involvement in the Heart of Man movie.
RESOURCES
UNWANTED (Jay’s book)
JOURNEY INTO THE HEART OF MAN ONLINE COURSE
HEART OF MAN on Netflix
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084 - Unwanted (Pt. 1)
We talk to Jay Stringer, Mental Health Counselor and author of the new book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. We talk to Jay about his story and how he got into counseling. We also talk to him about how our sexual failures are roadmaps into our past harm, and how God views our sexuality.
RESOURCES
UNWANTED (Jay’s book)
JOURNEY INTO THE HEART OF MAN ONLINE COURSE
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083 - Genesis Process
We talk to the author of Genesis Process and creator of the FASTER Scale tool, Michael Dye. We talk to him about the history of the Genesis Process, how it works, how the FASTER Scale was created, and more.
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082 - FAQ #7
We talk about how much to care about other people's recovery, examples of practical healthy habits in life, if we can or should watch shows like Game of Thrones, what married couples can do after group, and so much more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
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081 - Forgiveness & Sexual Brokenness
We talk to Scott Bradley, Senior Pastor of As Is Church, about forgiveness. We define what forgiveness is, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, how forgiveness changes a family, and more.
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080 - Accountability Software: Covenant Eyes
We talk to Ron DeeHas, president and co-founder of Covenant Eyes, about accountability software and the role it plays in recovery from sexual addiction. Ron shares the history of Covenant Eyes, the benefits to having accountability software, and what the future holds for accountability software.
RESOURCES
PORN PHENOMENON (COVENANT EYES, BARNA, & JOSH MCDOWELL MINISTRIES)
COVENANT EYES SCREEN-ACCOUNTABILITY
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079 - Leading Betrayal & Beyond
We talk about leading Betrayal & Beyond groups. We talk about what the goal of the group is, who can lead the groups, and what materials are needed for leading. We also discuss how husbands can support their wives as they lead Betrayal & Beyond groups, some best practices and some no's-no's as a leader.
RESOURCES
BETRAYAL & BEYOND LEADER’S GUIDE
BETRAYAL & BEYOND PODCAST EPISODE
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078 - Help! My Kid is Looking At Porn
We talk through what to do if you find out your kid is looking at porn. We talk about how to prepare yourself for this potential situation, how to dive into the conversation, some do's and don'ts, and more.
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077 - A Healthy Holiday
We talk through 3 tips on having a healthy holiday. We discuss handling stress during the holidays, communicating your feelings and its effects, and how to identify isolation.
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076 - Dismissing Group Members
We talk about the difficult situation of dismissing group members. We talk about when to dismiss group members, what the process looks like, what follow up looks like, what to do when you're the one being dismissed, and more.
RESOURCES
GROUP GUIDELINES PODCAST EPISODE
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075 - Thought Life
We talk through five practices for sexual integrity in our thought life. We discuss preparing for the battle each day, practicing breath prayers, the involvement of group members, and more.
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074 - 4 Ways To Renew Your Mind
We talk about 4 ways to practically renew your mind. We talk about how often these practices should be done, where in Scripture these are supported, and encouragements as we implement them in our lives.
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073 - Help! I Don't Have My Church's Support
We talk about the situation where your church isn't supportive of Pure Desire groups. We talk through why some churches struggle seeing the need for these groups, how to best respond if this happens, what to do if you're in this situation, and much more.
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072 - FAQ #6
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions. The questions on today's episode cover topics like how shame diminishes, what to do when a spouse isn't involved in your recovery action plan, how long it takes to get sexually healthy, if disclosure in a dating relationship is ok, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
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RESOURCES
GROUP GUIDELINE’S PODCAST EPISODE
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071 – Preaching & Purity
We talk through why preaching about sexual integrity and brokenness can be so challenging for the church. We discuss guidelines to preaching on sexual purity, what messages we inadvertently speak when avoiding the topic, how much is too much to share from the stage, and much more.
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070 – Stories Of Healing: Mike Maxwell
We hear Mike Maxwell's story of healing from his porn addiction. He talks through what was at the core of his addiction and the destruction that it left in his life. He also talks about when things finally clicked and how God has redeemed his relationships and destiny.
RESOURCES
Email Mike for a copy of his book, Purity Driven Life: mikem@puredesire.org
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069 – Legal Issues In Group
We talk about Legal Issues that arise in Pure Desire groups. We discuss how often legal issues come up, what types of issues come up, and how groups/group leaders can prepare themselves for potential issues. We also talk through do's and don'ts when handling legal issues and more.
RESOURCES
THE SILENT BATTLE by Rich Moore
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068 – Father Wound
We talk about the Father Wound. We discuss what it is, how it compares to a Mother Wound, and how to recognize if you have a wound. We also talk through where in Scripture we see the Father Wound, how we address it, and how not to pass it on to our kids.
RESOURCES
WHEN HE’S MARRIED TO MOM by Kenneth Adams
SILENTLY SEDUCED by Kenneth Adams
ACT ON LIFE NOT ON ANGER by Georg H. Eifert, Matthew McKay, & John P. Forsyth
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067 - Sexual Health For Singles w/ Ben Bennett
We talk about sexual health for single men and women. We discuss what healthy sexuality is, the true definition of intimacy, and what it looks like to pursue sexual health as a single person. We also touch on common misconceptions of sexuality for singles.
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066 – Developing Group Leaders
We talk about the importance of developing Pure Desire group leaders. We discuss the requirements for being a group leader, what to look for in a potential leader, and things to avoid when looking for new leaders. We also talk through what developing group leaders looks like.
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065 - Leading Conquer Groups
We talk through 6 tips (and a bonus) on leading Conquer Series groups. We discuss leading by example, shaming in group, relationship with God, confidentiality, and more.
RESOURCES
CONQUER SERIES TRAINING & PROMOTIONAL VIDEOS
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064 - Social Media Minefield
We talk about maneuvering through the minefield of social media. We discuss how social media can be detrimental to our sexual integrity. We also talk through things to avoid, the positives of social media, and what being a healthy social media user looks like.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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063 - Stories Of Healing: Patty Moreno
We hear Patty Moreno's story of healing from her husband's unfaithfulness. She talks through how God used the refuse in her life and marriage to create a renewed relationship with her husband and a restored ministry in the kingdom.
RESOURCES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
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062 – Bringing Hope & Freedom
We hear from Pure Desire's Advancement Specialist and pastor, Rodney Wright. This episode is Rodney's message titled: Bringing Hope & Freedom.
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061 – FAQ #5
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions. The questions on today's episode cover topics like relapse and consequences, generationally passing addiction down, the role of Group Leaders in groups, comparing traumas, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line: PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
RESOURCES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (ADDICTED SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
PURE DESIRE by Dr. Ted Roberts
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060 – Arousal Template
We talk through the Arousal Template tool. We discuss what the tool is, the 5 steps to using it, and how it helps us create a game plan for sustained sobriety. We also talk through the length of use for this tool, who you should share it with, and more.
RESOURCES
UNRAVELED (WOMEN’S RESOURCE REPLACING EIGHT PILLARS TO FREEDOM)
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059 – Triggers
We talk about triggers for sexual addiction. We discuss the different types of triggers and how we can identify them, if these triggers stay constant in life, the role of group accountability, and more.
RESOURCES
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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058 – Misconceptions Of Marriage
We discuss 7 common misconceptions on marriage. We discuss misconceptions like: sex will always be good, your spouse will complete you, you can change your spouse, my spouse's health is my responsibility, and more.
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057 – Sex During Recovery
We discuss the role of sex during recovery from sexual addiction. We talk through if it's ok to withhold sex during recovery, how to increase emotional intimacy, how periods of abstinence can help your marriage, and more.
RESOURCES
LOVE MAPS CARDS by The Gottman Institute
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056 – Behind The Mask
We talk about our resources and groups available for young women, Behind the Mask. We discuss who the group is for and what the main message is behind the resource. We also talk through why having these groups for young women is so important, how to get groups started, how to develop leaders, and more.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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055 – Stories Of Healing: Paul Zunker
We hear Paul Zunker's story of healing from sexual addiction. He talks through the depths of his addiction, the legal issues that it created, and what failed attempts he had made to break free from his addiction. He also shares when it all started to click, how he found freedom, and what life looks like now with freedom from his addiction.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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054 – Nightly Routines
We talk through 6 healthy nightly routines and how they help in our overall health. We discuss device use, protecting your sleep, planning ahead, meditation, gratitude, and eating habits in regards to how they benefit our holistic health.
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053 – Creating Healthy Guardrails
We talk about creating healthy guardrails for maintaining sobriety from sexual addiction. We discuss why guardrails are important, what makes a healthy/unhealthy guardrail, and who should be involved in the creation or changing of our guardrails.
RESOURCES
3 CIRCLES TOOL (RELAPSE PREVENTION)
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052 – 8 Tips For Launching Groups
We talk through 8 tips for launching Pure Desire groups. We discuss the importance of sharing our story, establishing expectations and standards for groups, and the culture you create in groups. We also give practical tips on how to set your groups up for health and success.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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051 - When Crisis Occurs
We discuss the situation where men and women find themselves in a crisis due to sexual addiction. We talk about first steps when a crisis occurs, what things to avoid, and how to help others in crisis. We also discuss the role of group members in crisis and the resources available to anyone in crisis.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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050 - FAQ #4
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions. The questions on today's episode cover topics like withholding sex during recovery, what is sexual health, what the healing journey from sexual addiction looks like, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line: PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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049 – 5 Tips on Using the FASTER Scale
We give 5 tips on how to use the FASTER Scale tool. We discuss when to check the FASTER Scale, how to work it, when to talk through it, who to do it with, and it's role in life without Pure Desire Groups.
RESOURCES
FASTER SCALE EPISODE (PODCAST)
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048 – Theology Of Addiction
We talk about the theology of addiction. We discuss the biblically-based and clinically-informed approach that Pure Desire's takes on healing from sexual addiction. We identify where addiction is in the Bible, why "loving Jesus more" isn't the solution, and why confession isn't enough for true healing. We also talk through why identifying trauma and triggers are necessary for lasting freedom.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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047 - Stories Of Healing: Ernie & Jackie Chambers
We hear Ernie and Jackie's story of healing and redemption of their marriage. They talk through their marital tension caused by Ernie's sexual addiction and how they began their healing journey. They also share with us how their relationships with each other and their community changed through the process of healing.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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046 - Summer Sobriety
We discuss maintaining sobriety during the oftentimes difficult summer months. We talk about things to avoid, helpful guardrails, and how to maintain accountability during the summer. We also discuss the opportunities that the summer months possess for finding sexual integrity.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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045 - Regional Group Leaders (RGL)
We talk to two of our Regional Group Leaders (RGL's) about the RGL volunteer position. We discuss what an RGL is, why they exist, and how they help churches with Pure Desire groups. We also talk through mistakes churches make when it comes to utilizing their RGL.
RESOURCES
FIND YOUR REGIONAL GROUP ADVISOR (RGA)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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044 – Pastors & Porn
We talk about the reality of porn/sex addiction in pastoral ministry. We discuss best ways to admit there is a problem, how much pastors should share, and how a church should respond to an admission of addiction from their pastors. We also give encouragement on how to get help and how to best support your pastors in this arena.
RESOURCES
PURE DESIRE LEADERS (PDL) PROGRAM
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043 - Group Guidelines
We talk through Pure Desire's Group Guidelines. We talk about the importance and reasoning behind each guideline. We also discuss some misconceptions about the group guidelines and some common ways we break guidelines.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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042 - Betrayal & Beyond
We talk through our Betrayal & Beyond (B&B) groups and group resources. We discuss why groups are needed for betrayed spouses and reasons why churches tend to not offer these groups. We talk about what it means to find healing from betrayal and how the Betrayal & Beyond group resource helps betrayed spouses on their journey to healing.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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041 - Mistakes Churches Make
We talk about common mistakes churches can make when addressing the topic of sexual addiction. We discuss the common approach that churches take when diving into this topic and the issues that it often times creates. We also talk about how to best start this ministry in your church in a way that is inviting and welcoming to people in all seasons of healing.
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SOCIALS
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040 - Family Dynamics
We talk about family dynamics and how they play out in our daily lives. We discuss how to identify, address, and change the unhealthy dynamics in our families. We also talk through how discuss unhealthy dynamics in a beneficial way and what it looks like to create healthy dynamics in our families.
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039 - Love Addiction Pt. 2
We talk about Love Addiction. We discuss how to identify if you are a love addict. We talk through why being a love addict is detrimental in life and how to address love addiction. We also give encouragements on how to find freedom from love addiction.
RESOURCES
SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST (SAST)
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038 - Love Addiction Pt. 1
We talk about Love Addiction. We talk through how it differs from sex addiction and also discuss causes and factors that cater to a love addiction. We also talk about if it is just a women's issue, or if men can struggle with it as well.
RESOURCES
SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST (SAST)
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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037 - FAQ #3
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ). The questions on today's episode cover topics like why masturbation is harmful, how to get buy-in for starting the Conquer Series, who can struggle with love addiction, when to pursue counseling, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line: PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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036 - Difficult Group Members
We talk about the reality and nature of having difficult group members. We discuss ways to avoid being a difficult group member and mistakes frequently made when dealing with difficult group members. We also talk through ways we've found success in handling difficult group members and what support is offered to group leaders.
RESOURCES
FIND YOUR REGIONAL GROUP LEADER
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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035 - Eight Pillars to Freedom
We talk about our group Eight Pillars to Freedom. We discuss who the group is for and what the group time looks like. We discuss the differences between sex addiction and love addiction. We also give some tips on some do's and don'ts in an Eight Pillars group.
RESOURCES
SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREEN TEST (SAST)
LOVE ADDICTION EVALUATION (LAE)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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034 - Healthy Habits
We talk about the importance of healthy habits on the road to freedom from sexual addiction. We talk through what makes a habit healthy, how to implement lasting habits, and when a habit becomes another addiction. We also give personal examples of healthy habits that have worked in our lives.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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033 - Singleness & Addiction Pt. 2
We talk to Ben Bennett and Jake Kissack about being single and battling sexual addiction. We discuss ways to educate and help young people address this issue, while also unpacking ways that married couples can encourage and support single friends and what resources are available for single people stuck in addiction.
RESOURCES
BOOKS:
WEBSITES:
BLOG POSTS:
WHAT YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES (MIGHT) SAY ABOUT YOU by Jay Stringer
SILENCE: THE SOUND OF FEMALE SEXUALSHAME by Jay Stringer
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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SOCIALS
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032 - Singleness & Addiction Pt. 1
We talk to Ben Bennett and Jake Kissack about being single and battling sexual addiction. We talk through what it looks like to find sexual freedom as a single person and when it's ok to be in a relationship. We also talk about how to best reach the single demographic with the message of hope and freedom, and what resources are available for single people struggling with addiction.
RESOURCES
BOOKS:
WEBSITES:
BLOG POSTS:
WHAT YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES (MIGHT) SAY ABOUT YOU by Jay Stringer
_SILENCE: THE SOUND OF FEMALE SEXUAL_SHAME by Jay Stringer
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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031 - PD-University
We talk about our event called Pure Desire University (PD-U). We discuss what the PD-U is and who can attend these conferences. We also talk about what churches will benefit from hosting or attending a PD-U. We talk through how to host or attend a PD-U and why we encourage churches to pursue a PD-U.
RESOURCES
Interested in hosting an event: events@puredesire.org
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SOCIALS
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030 - Living Free
We talk to Ben Bennett about his resource for college-aged men, Living Free. We talk about how the resource came about and what is at the core of its message. We also discuss why reaching the younger generations with freedom is so important and the benefits this freedom brings the church.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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029 - Conquer Series
We talk to the CEO of KingdomWorks Studios, Jeremy Wiles, about their 10-week cinematic study on sexual addiction called the Conquer Series. We talk about the backstory/history of the Conquer Series and Dr. Ted's involvement in the project. We discuss how the Conquer Series works and what it does. We also discuss the new rollout of Conquer Series 2.0 and all the updated/new tools added.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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028 - FAQ # 2
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ). The questions on today's episode cover topics like handling relapse in group leadership, who can/should watch the Conquer Series, timeline of full disclosure, healthy habits for engaged couple preparing for sexuality in marriage, and more.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line: PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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027 - Seven Pillars of Freedom (Pt. 2)
We talk about our Seven Pillars of Freedom groups and group material for addicted men. We discuss what the Seven Pillars are, how often groups meet, and what men need to get Seven Pillars groups going. We also talk through what men need in order to lead Seven Pillars groups.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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026 - Seven Pillars of Freedom (Pt. 1)
We talk about our Seven Pillars of Freedom groups and group material for addicted men. We discuss the history of Seven Pillars and how it compares to your run-of-the-mill bible study. We also talk about the commitment level required to benefit from Seven Pillar groups.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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025 - Suspecting Spouse
We talked to Debby Flanagan, a clinician on staff, about when a spouse suspects that their husband/wife is struggling with porn/sex addiction. We discuss what first steps should be taken and what to avoid when addressing the suspicion. We also talk through about what support and resources are available for men or women in this situation.
RESOURCES
Ashley JamesonInternational Women’s Groups Coordinator (503) 558-2923
Rich MooreInternational Men’s Groups Coordinator (503) 489-0246
Counseling Office (503)-489-0237
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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SOCIALS
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024 - Church Hurdles
We talk to Rodney Wright, pastor at Lake City Church in Idaho, about the struggles and hurdles pastors face when addressing sexual addiction in their church. We discuss what level of pastoral involvement is appropriate, why sexual addiction is a taboo topic, and why it is so important to have groups for people struggling in the church.
RESOURCES
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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023 - One-Sided Healing (Addicted Spouse)
We talk to Tyler Chinchen, our Clinical Director, about a situation where an addicted husband/wife sees the need for healing but their spouse is not supportive. We discuss some initial steps for the addict in this scenario and types of resources available to them. We also talk through why a supportive spouse is important in the recovery process and how to include a spouse in that journey.
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022 - Holidays & Sobriety
We talk to Dr. Ted Roberts about what he calls the "Limbic Holiday," aka the Holiday Season. We discuss the issues and struggles that so many have with family and addiction over the holidays. We also talk about ways to maintain sobriety and support your spouse during this stressful season.
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021 - Disclosing to Your Kids
We talk to Jackie Chambers, one of our Regional Group Leaders, about disclosing addiction to your kids. We talk about what disclosure is and what it should look like when talking with your kids about addiction in the home. We talk about how to disclose, when to disclose, and discuss ways to keep the conversation going with your kids.
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020 - FAQ #1
We talk through Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ's) that we hear at our PD-University events. The questions on today's episode cover topics like the neurochemistry of addiction, same-sex attraction, group struggles, identifying the problem in your church, etc.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line: PD PODCAST
- DM/Message
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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019 - Starting Women's Groups
We talk to Jackie Chambers, one of our Regional Group Leaders, about starting women's Pure Desire groups at your church. We talk through what makes women's groups unique and what types of women's groups we have available. We also discuss tips and steps to follow when beginning women's groups in your church.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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018 - One-sided Healing (Betrayed Spouse)
We talk about what it looks like when a betrayed spouse sees the need for healing but their addicted spouse isn't willing to work for freedom. We give encouragement and steps for the betrayed spouse on how to begin healing, and suggest some things they should avoid when trying to initiate change in their marriage, family, and home. We also talk through available resources for betrayed spouses.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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017 - Recovery Action Plan (Safety Plan)
We talk with Ashley Jameson (International Women's Groups Coordinator) about the Recovery Action Plan (RAP) tool, previously called Safety Plan. We talk through what a RAP is and the benefits of using the tool - whether someone is struggling with addiction or someone has been affected by another's addiction. We talk about how to best use and develop a RAP and how it is a helpful tool that creates a predetermined process for recovery for anyone whether single, married, or divorced.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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016 - Tech Action Plan
We sit down with Robert Vander Meer to talk about Creating a Tech Action Plan for your devices. We talk through what an effective action plan looks like and topics it should address. We also talk through filtering programs and how to avoid finding loopholes in our safety steps.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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015 - Personal Promises
We talk about a tool known as "Personal (Prophetic) Promises." Personal Promises are used to combine a real-life experience and the truth of scripture into a powerful tool used on the road to recovery. We talk through what a personal promise is, how it should be used, and give some examples on what one should look like.
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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014 - Growing A Healthy Groups Ministry
We spend time talking about how to grow a healthy Pure Desire groups ministry. We talk through what healthy and growing groups look like and how to creating a developing ministry. We also spend time talking through how to identify, train, and develop new group leaders and what role our Regional Group Leaders (RGL's) play. And we also discuss some tips to use and some practices to avoid when working to grow your Pure Desire groups.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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013 - Redeemed
We have a special episode this week from our Executive Director, Nick Stumbo. Today's episode is Nick's message from our 2017 Men's Conference - titled "Redeemed."
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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012 - Weekly Phone Calls
We talk to Bryan Roberts about weekly group phone calls. Making your weekly phone calls is a big piece to effective groups and healing. But too often, our phone calls are the first thing to go during a busy week. Bryan talks us through the importance of making your weekly phone calls and why they are a part of the healing process for men and women.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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011 - Safe
We have our co-host, Nick Stumbo, as our guest today to talk about his new book - Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Nick talks us through what the message is of his new book and who it's written for. He also tells how to really get to a place where your church's culture is one of grace and not a performance-based culture.
RESOURCES
SAFE by Nick Stumbo
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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SOCIALS
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010 - Pure Desire Counseling
We talk to Tyler and Shari Chinchen, two of our clinicians on staff, about counseling at Pure Desire. The word "counseling" tends to have a negative connotation attached to it. Tyler and Shari talk us through what counseling looks like and share the outcomes of clinical care. They also give us a practical look at the approach of Pure Desire Counseling.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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009 - Digital Natives
We talk to Bryan Roberts and Heather Kolb, authors of Digital Natives: Raising An Online Generation. Bryan and Heather talk us through the message, purpose, and reasons for this new book. We talk through the importance of raising your kids with healthy online habits and what role parents, leaders, and mentors have in this area. Pre-order your copy here: puredesire.org/digital-natives
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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008 - 3 Circles (Relapse Prevention Tool)
We talk to Harry Flanagan about one of our relapse prevention tools, the 3 Circles Tool. Harry, as one of our Pure Desire Clinicians, has loads of experience with this tool and how to best use it in day-to-day life. He shares with us the importance of having guardrails in our lives to help us maintain purity.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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007 - History of Pure Desire
We are privileged to talk to the founders of Pure Desire, Dr. Ted and Diane Roberts. They share about the history of Pure Desire and what sparked it's creation. Ted and Diane also talk through the struggles and victories of 20+ years in this ministry. And we also ask them what their hopes are for the future of Pure Desire Ministries.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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006 - Is It Really An Addiction?
We talk to Heather Kolb who is an author, speaker, adjunct professor, and is our Neuroscience Professional at Pure Desire. We talk to Heather about the nature of sexual addiction and how to identify if it really is an addiction. Heather also gives us tools and tips to battling this addiction.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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005 - Double Bind & Commitment to Change
We talk to Robert Vander Meer about the ins-and-outs of the Double Bind and Commitment to Change tools. Robert is a pastor and is also one of our Pastoral Sex Addiction Professionals. We talk through what the confusion is surrounding the Double Bind, and also discuss the keys to an effective Commitment to Change. Robert gives us his experience both as a former sex addict and now as a pastor and counselor.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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004 - Effective Group Dynamics
We talk to our International Women's Groups Coordinator, Ashley Jameson. Ashley talks us through what healthy and effective Pure Desire groups look like. She gives us good practices and some things to avoid.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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003 - How to Start Pure Desire at Your Church
We talk to our International Men's Groups Coordinator, Rich Moore, about how to implement Pure Desire groups into your church. Rich shares his expertise and experience (over 20 years) with starting, leading, and maintaining groups in his church.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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002 - The FASTER Scale
We introduce and discuss the FASTER Scale tool with our Executive Director Nick Stumbo. What is the FASTER Scale? How do we use it? Why is it an effective tool for sexual and emotional health?
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
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001 - Introducing Pure Desire
We talk to Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, Nick Stumbo. Nick shares about who Pure Desire is, where we come from, and where we are headed.
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
Fler poddar
Podcasten Pure Desire Podcast är skapad av Pure Desire Ministries. Podcastens innehåll och bilderna på den här sidan hämtas med hjälp av det offentliga podcastflödet (RSS).
En liten tjänst av I'm With Friends. Finns även på engelska.