Sex and Psychology Podcast
The Sex and Psychology Podcast is the sex ed you never got in school—and won’t find anywhere else. Kinsey Institute researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller takes you on a journey through the psychology of sex and relationships, offering practical tips along the way that can help you take your intimate life to the next level. Learn more on Dr. Lehmiller’s blog at sexandpsychology.com
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Episode 401: A New Way of Treating Arousal and Libido Problems
In today’s show, we’re talking about a new way of treating women’s most common sexual problems. My guest co-developed an online sexual health platform called eSense that’s designed to bring evidence-based treatment for low sexual desire and arousal to the masses at a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy. It could very well be a game-changer in the way we treat sex problems.
I am joined once again by Dr. Lori Brotto, an internationally recognized leader in sexual health research. She is a Professor in the UBC Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, a Registered Psychologist, and Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health. She is also author of the book Better Sex Through Mindfulness.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and how can it help in treating problems with desire and arousal?
- How can mindfulness-based therapy be useful in cases of low sexual desire?
- How does the eSense platform leverage both CBT and mindfulness training to treat sexual difficulties?
- How effective is therapy administered online compared to things like face-to-face therapy and pharmaceuticals?
- How will technologies like artificial intelligence and virtual reality change sex therapy in the future?
You can check out Lori’s website to learn more about her work, and you can learn more about eSense at esense.health.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 400: Women’s Most Common Sexual Problems
The most common sexual problems that women experience center around low sexual desire and/or difficulty becoming aroused, formally known as female sexual interest/arousal disorder. In today’s show, we’re doing a deep dive into what this disorder looks like, where it comes from, and why it seems so hard for women to access treatment for it.
I am joined by Dr. Lori Brotto, an internationally recognized leader in sexual health research. She is a Professor in the UBC Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, a Registered Psychologist, and Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health. She is also author of the book Better Sex Through Mindfulness.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What is “female sexual interest/arousal disorder?” How is it clinically defined?
- How common is this disorder?
- What do we know about its causes? Is it physical, psychological, or a bit of both?
- Why does it take an average of 5 years for women to access treatment for sexual desire and arousal problems?
- Why is it so hard to develop drugs and medications that stimulate sexual desire?
You can check out Lori’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 399: The Psychology of Incels (Essential Listen)
The number of adult virgins is growing and is actually at a record high. Many of these folks would like to be having sex, but cannot find a partner. In other words, they are involuntarily celibate, or “incels” for short. So what do we know about these individuals? A deeper look at the psychology of incels reveals a group that is struggling with complex mental health issues.
In today’s episode, we’re revising my conversation with William Costello, which originally aired back in episode 133. This conversation will probably surprise you because it turns out that incels aren’t exactly who we think they are. Incels aren’t new either—they’ve actually always been around, but changes in the modern dating market seem to be creating a lot of more of them.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- Why incels have always been around, and how modern incels are different.
- Why the incel population is growing.
- Why popular dating advice given to incels isn’t helpful.
- What the mental health of incels looks like.
- Whether incels are inherently prone to violence and misogyny.
You can check out William’s body of research on ResearchGate. You can also read his latest paper on incels here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 398: How To Optimize Your Pelvic Floor
If you want to maintain your sexual function and wellbeing, it’s important to pay attention to your pelvic floor! In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how to keep your pelvic floor in shape and resolve common problems with it. It turns out that optimizing your pelvic floor can help with a wide range of issues, from dealing with painful sex to having more (and better) orgasms.
I am joined once again by Sara Reardon, a board-certified pelvic floor physical therapist and founder of The V-Hive, an online, on-demand pelvic floor fitness platform. She is author of the new book FLOORED: A Woman’s Guide to Pelvic Floor Health at Every Age and Stage.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How do you know whether Kegel exercises are right for you, and how do you do them correctly?
- Why is learning pelvic floor relaxation just as important as strengthening?
- What are some things we can do in everyday life to improve pelvic health?
- How can pelvic floor training help relieve sexual pain?
- What are some of the other benefits of pelvic floor training?
You can check our Sara’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 397: Interview With The Vagina Whisperer
The pelvic floor is a really important set of muscles that plays a big role in sexual and reproductive function. However, most people don’t know much about it, including common signs that they might have a problem. In today’s show, I am joined by the “Vagina Whisperer” to discuss what you need to know about the pelvic floor
I am joined by Sara Reardon, a board-certified pelvic floor physical therapist and founder of The V-Hive, an online, on-demand pelvic floor fitness platform. She is author of the new book FLOORED: A Woman’s Guide to Pelvic Floor Health at Every Age and Stage.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What exactly is the pelvic floor, and what are the main functions of it?
- How common are pelvic floor problems?
- What are some of the most common signs that you might have a pelvic floor issue?
- Why so do many medical professionals seem unprepared to help with pelvic floor issues?
- What happens when pelvic floor issues go untreated long-term?
You can check our Sara’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 396: Why Women Orgasm More With Female Partners
When women have sex with men, there’s an orgasm gap. However, this gap disappears when women have sex with other women. So why is that? In today’s show, we’re diving into some new research finding that women anticipate sex is going to follow a very different script based on the gender of their partner. It turns out that those scripts have big implications for their odds of orgasm.
I am joined once again by Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- Why do women have more orgasms when they engage sexually with other women?
- In what ways do women’s sexual expectations change when they have sex with women vs. men?
- How can we mold our sexual scripts to support more equitable pleasure for women?
- How can we change sex education to better support women’s pleasure?
You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 395: Why Women Pursue Orgasm Less Than Men
In heterosexual relationships, women don’t orgasm as frequently or consistently as men. So why is that? As we’ll explore in today’s show, it’s because there’s an “orgasm pursuit gap.” Sexual scripts lead women to pursue their own orgasms less than men, and to perceive less support from their partners for their own pleasure.
My guest is Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What’s wrong with the current way we think about the orgasm gap?
- Why do women pursue their own orgasms less than men?
- What does healthy pursuit of orgasm look like?
- How can you get your partner to support your pleasure?
- How do we close the orgasm gap?
You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 394: Are You Being a Parent to Your Partner?
Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like you and your partner were slipping into the roles of parent and child? In today’s show, we’re going to discuss common signs that you might be in a parentified relationship. We’re also going to discuss how parentification impacts sexual and relationship quality, as well as how to break this pattern.
I am joined once again by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How do you know if you’re in a parentified relationship?
- What are some common relationship dynamics that contribute to parentification?
- How do early childhood experiences affect the relationship roles we take on?
- How does parentification contribute to relationship stress and burnout?
- Is it possible to change a parentified dynamic, or to prevent it from taking hold in the first place?
You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 393: What Happened To My Sex Life?
At some point, almost everyone in a long-term relationship is going to wonder, “What happened to my sex life?” Where did the initial passion and excitement go? In today’s show, we’re going to explore why desire, pleasure, and connection often decline in relationships, as well as how you can get it back.
I am joined by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- Does a loss of passion necessarily mean there’s something wrong in your relationship?
- What can you do if you feel like you and your partner have become roommates instead of lovers?
- How can being too close to your partner hurt desire?
- How can addressing anger and resentment in healthy ways open the door to more desire?
- What do you need to know about moving past trauma and opening yourself up to pleasure again?
You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 392: When Therapists Fall In Love With Their Patients
In the last episode, we talked about patients who fall in love with their therapists. Today, we’re taking about the flip side of things: when therapists develop sexual and/or romantic feelings toward their patients, a phenomenon known as erotic countertransference. Research suggests that this is surprisingly common, so we’re going to discuss why it happens and what to do in situations like this.
I am joined once again by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What does the term erotic countertransference really mean?
- What is the psychology behind why therapists sometimes develop feelings for their patients?
- How common is it for therapists to become attracted to their patients?
- Why is the subject of erotic countertransference avoided in many therapy training programs?
- Is it ever ethically acceptable for a therapist and client to have sex or start a romantic relationship?
You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 391: When Patients Fall in Love With Their Therapists
It’s surprisingly common for people in psychotherapy to develop sexual and/or romantic feelings for their therapists. This is a phenomenon known as erotic transference. It’s a form of projection that psychologists have recognized since the days of Freud. On today’s show, we’re going to explore the complex psychology behind why this phenomenon happens and what it really means.
I am joined today by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What does erotic transference look like for patients who are experiencing it?
- Why does erotic transference happen in the first place?
- How common is erotic transference?
- Should patients who experience erotic transference tell their therapists about it? If so, how?
- How should a therapist respond if a client discloses sexual and/or romantic attraction?
You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 390: What It’s Like To Go To A Sex Party
A few years back, there were a ton of media articles going around about how the pandemic killed the sex party scene. Flash forward to today, and sex parties are back with a vengeance. So what is it actually like to attend a sex party? In today’s show, we’re going to explore the world of sex parties and what you need to know if you’re thinking about attending one.
I am joined once again by Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What does a sex party involve? What’s the atmosphere like?
- What’s the difference between a sex party and an orgy?
- How does consent work in a group setting?
- What are the typical rules or etiquette of a sex party?
- How do you even find a sex party to attend in the first place?
- What do you need to do to prepare for attending a sex party?
You can check out Dr. Tara’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 389: How To Improve Your Sexual Satisfaction
In long-term relationships, sexual satisfaction usually starts dropping after the first year as the initial burst of passion begins to wear down. However, this decline in satisfaction is both preventable and reversible. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how bring excitement back into the bedroom by exploring the biggest predictors of sexual satisfaction.
My guest is Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How many people today are actually satisfied with their sex lives?
- What are the key factors that contribute to sexual satisfaction?
- What are some practical things we can do to boost sexual self-esteem?
- How can we learn to be more mindful during sex?
- What are some ways to make sexual communication easier?
You can check out Dr. Tara’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 388: How To Initiate Sex (Essential Listen)
Initiating sex is something that a lot of people struggle with. So why is it hard, and how can we make it easier? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s show. In this episode, we’re revisiting a wonderful conversation I had with Vanessa and Xander Marin, the co-hosts of the “Pillow Talks” podcast and co-authors of the book, Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.
Some of the questions we answer include:
- Why is initiating sex so hard for so many people?
- What are the dos and don’ts of sexual initiation?
- How do you figure out your initiation style?
- How do you say “no” to a partner’s initiation attempt without hurting their feelings?
- Are there ways to encourage your partner to initiate sex more often?
Make sure to check out Vanessa and Xander’s website, and visit their Youtube, Instagram, and TikTok to learn more. And be sure to get a copy of Sex Talks!
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 387: An Inside Look at a World Famous Brothel
In the previous episode, we spoke with the madam of a legal brothel in the US state of Nevada. In today’s show, we’re going to peel back the sheets a bit further and talk about the courtesans who live and work in this brothel, as well as the surprisingly wide range of customers who visit. It turns out that, more often than not, the patrons are looking for far more than just sex.
I am joined once again by Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As the madam of this property, Tara is responsible for hiring and training the courtesans. Additionally, she provides counsel to the women, offering support on financial and personal matters to ensure their success as independent contractors and beyond.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- Is there a typical brothel customer?
- Beyond sex, what are customers looking for when they visit a brothel?
- How do brothels help customers to fulfill their sexual fantasies?
- What’s it like to work at a brothel?
- What type of skill set do you need in order to be successful as a brothel worker?
You can click here to check out the World Famous Mustang Ranch’s website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 386: A Day In the Life of a Brothel Madam
There are close to two dozen legal brothels in the U.S. state of Nevada. In today’s show, we’re going to go inside one of these brothels and talk to the madam who manages it. We’re going to talk about what the job of a brothel madam is really like, as well as some common myths and misconceptions about brothels and sex work.
My guest is Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As the madam of this property, Tara is responsible for hiring and training the courtesans. Additionally, she provides counsel to the women, offering support on financial and personal matters to ensure their success as independent contractors and beyond.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What requirements do you have to meet in order to be a fully legal brothel?
- What is the inside of a brothel actually like?
- What are the brothel madam’s main responsibilities?
- How does the madam ensure safety and respect for sex workers?
- What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about legal brothels?
You can click here to check out the World Famous Mustang Ranch’s website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by LEHMILLER as the coupon code.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 385: Sex Tips For Gay And Queer Men
Porn is the predominant way that gay and queer men learn about sex. That’s a problem because porn is entertainment, not a how-to guide. In today’s show, we’re discussing what gay and queer men need to know when it comes to having positive and pleasurable sexual experiences, including tips for anal sex and dealing with performance problems.
I am joined once again by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of the new book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What does porn get wrong about gay sex?
- What are the dos and don’ts when it comes to having pleasurable anal sex?
- What should you do when you or your partner experience erectile difficulties?
- How can gay men manage self-consciousness about penis size and body image?
- Why is it worth trying sober sex?
You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 384: Can You Be Gay And Monogamous?
Some gay men don’t think monogamy ever works because there’s too much temptation out there. At the same time, others think that non-monogamy never works because someone always gets jealous. So what’s the truth here? Today, we’re doing a deep dive into gay men’s relationships and exploring tips for successfully navigating them, whether they’re monogamous or non-monogamous.
I am joined by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of the new book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How can you figure out what type of relationship is best for you, without feeling pressured?
- What do gay men who want to be monogamous need to know?
- What do you do when you and your partner want different kinds of relationship?
- Do you need to be monogamous first before opening up a relationship?
- What are the key ingredients of a successful non-monogamy agreement?
You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 383: The Politics of Sexual Fluidity
Sexual fluidity is controversial. The fact that people’s sexual attractions can shift has sometimes been used to argue that sexual orientation is a choice and, therefore, that being LGBTQ doesn’t merit being a protected class under the law. In this show, we’re going to dive into the complicated politics surrounding sexual fluidity.
I am joined once again by Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or undefined sexual orientation or gender. Mark’s latest book is titled Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- Why is sexual fluidity controversial?
- What does research say about whether someone can consciously change their sexual attraction?
- Is sexual fluidity something that only young people experience?
- What is the process of coming out as sexually fluid like?
- Can people of any age experience sexual fluidity?
You can check out Mark’s latest book here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 382: Understanding Sexual Fluidity
Are you attracted to different types of people than you used to be? Has there been a shift in your go-to fantasy? Do you prefer different activities in the bedroom than you did before? Human sexuality is incredibly flexible. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the subject of sexual fluidity in order to better understand how and why our sexual attractions might change over time.
My guest is Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or undefined sexual orientation or gender. Mark’s latest book is titled Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What does it mean to be “sexually fluid?”
- How often do fluid people experience shifts in their sexuality?
- How is sexual fluidity different from bisexuality?
- Why are some people more likely to experience sexual fluidity than others?
- How is gender fluidity different from sexual fluidity?
You can check out Mark’s latest book here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 381: Rewriting Your Sexual Script
When you have sex, do you kind of already know how it’s going to play out before your clothes even came off? If so, you’re not alone. Most of us follow sexual scripts that feature a predictable sequence of activities. However, these scripts can limit our opportunities for pleasure. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss how to rewrite your sexual script and cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life.
I am joined once again by Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago.
Some of the specific questions we explore include:
- What is a sexual script anyway, and what might a typical script look like?
- How do sexual scripts limit our experiences with pleasure and connection?
- How do sexual scripts contribute to the orgasm gap?
- What does it mean to rewrite your sexual script?
- How do you rewrite your script when you’re not entirely sure what you want?
You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 380: 5 Questions Sex Therapists Are Constantly Asked
What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy? In this episode, we’re going to dive into five questions that come up over and over again. We’re also going to address when you should consider seeing out professional help for a sex problem, as well as explore a few tips for maintaining a happy, healthy, and exciting sex life.
My guest is Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What should you do if you’re having difficulty orgasming during sex?
- How can partners navigate wanting different amounts of sex?
- How do you tell your partner you want to try something new sexually?
- If sexual frequency declines in a relationship, does that mean there’s something wrong?
- How do you know if your fantasies are “normal” or not?
You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 379: Life Is Too Short For Bad Sex (Essential Listen)
Nothing makes us lose desire for sex faster than having bad sex. Indeed, many cases of low sexual desire are simply due to people having sex that isn’t worth having. In this episode, we’re going to talk about the three main types of bad sex, what it means to have good sex, and how to stop having bad sex.
Today, we’re revisiting a fantastic conversation I had with Dr. Kelly Casperson back in episode 128. Kelly is a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She combines education, humor, and candor in her book and podcast, both of which are titled, You Are Not Broken.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What are the three main kinds of bad sex?
- How can we stop thinking of sex as something we’re obligated to do?
- Why is it bad idea to think of sex as a bargaining tool?
- What kind of sex should we be aiming for?
- How can we get closer to having good (or “good enough”) sex?
You can check out Kelly’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 378: What It’s Like To Try Sugar Dating
Sugar dating is a type of transactional relationship in which sex and companionship are exchanged for some type of compensation. Reports suggest that there are millions of people engaging in this. In today’s show, we’re going to explore sugar dating relationships, including what draws people to it, the advantages and disadvantages of sugar dating, and who holds the power in a sugaring arrangement.
I am joined once again by Kate Metcalfe, a clinical psychology PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin and a member of Dr. Cindy Meston’s Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory. Kate’s research broadly focuses on sexual agency and motivation across different contexts and life stages.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How is sugar dating defined? Is it a form of sex work?
- Is sex always a component of sugar dating?
- What are sugar babies and benefactors looking for from these relationships?
- What are the biggest perceived benefits and drawbacks of sugar dating?
- Who do sugar babies and benefactors see as having more power in their relationship?
You can connect with Kate on LinkedIn to stay updated on her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 377: Are You Having “Duty Sex?”
Think about the last few times you had sex. What was your main reason for doing it? There are myriad reasons that people report, including pleasure and horniness. However, a common motive that we don’t talk enough about is when people have sex out of a sense of duty or obligation. So let’s talk about “duty sex,” including who has it and what effects it has on people and their relationships.
My guest today is Kate Metcalfe, a clinical psychology PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin and a member of Dr. Cindy Meston’s Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory. Kate’s research broadly focuses on sexual agency and motivation across different contexts and life stages.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What does it mean to have “duty sex?”
- Who is most likely to engage in duty sex?
- How are sexual satisfaction and sexual pain related to duty sex?
- How might a history of nonconsensual sexual experiences contribute to duty sex?
- Is duty sex inherently bad?
You can learn more about duty sex by reading Kate’s study that was recently published on the topic.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 376: The Biggest Change People Want In Their Sex Lives
If you could change one thing about your sex life, what would it be? In this episode, we’re discussing the biggest changes people want to make and the new things they want to try in bed based on insights from Arya’s new study of Couples and Intimacy Trends, which included data from more than 100,000 respondents.
I am joined once again by Nicholas Velotta, a PhD student at the University of Washington who researches intimate relationships and sex. He is also the head of research at the couple’s wellness platform, Arya.fyi. You can find him online at mindonlove.com.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What do people wish was different about their sex lives?
- Why does it seem like everyone is having less sex than they used to?
- What are the most common new things people want to try sexually?
- Why is kink becoming more popular?
- How can we leverage technology to improve intimacy and enhance eroticism?
You can check out Nicholas’ website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 375: What’s Your Erotic Persona?
How would you describe your personality in the bedroom? What do you like to do sexually? What do you need from your partners? What turns you on? In today’s show, we’re going to explore erotic personas. New research based on a survey of more than 100,000 adults sheds light on the 4 main types of erotic personas that exist.
My guest is Nicholas Velotta, a PhD student at the University of Washington who researches intimate relationships and sex. He is also the head of research at the couple’s wellness platform, Arya. You can find him online at mindonlove.com.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How is an “erotic persona” similar to or different from a love language?
- What are the main characteristics of each erotic persona?
- Is it possible to have more than one erotic persona? Can our persona change over time?
- Why do most people end up in relationships with partners who have different erotic personas?
- How do you maintain sexual compatibility when you and your partner have different erotic profiles?
You can check out Nicholas’ website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 374: Living with Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder
Persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) is one of the most distressing sexual dysfunctions. PGAD involves having near-constant feelings of unwanted arousal that make it difficult to concentrate, work, and sleep. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into what we know about PGAD and speak with a physician who frequently treats patients with this condition.
I am joined once again by Dr. Sameena Rahman, a board-certified OB/GYN, sex-med gynecologist, and menopause specialist with an academic affiliation at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. She is the founder of the Center for Gynecology and Cosmetics, and host of the podcast Gyno Girl Presents: Sex, Drugs & Hormones.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What is persistent gentian arousal disorder? How is it clinically defined?
- What is it like to live with PGAD?
- How many people have PGAD, and who’s most likely to be affected?
- What’s the connection between obsessive-compulsive disorder and PGAD?
- What are the most effective treatments for this disorder?
You can follow Sameena on Instagram to stay updated on her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 373: How Sex Changes At Midlife
Sex changes as we age. While these changes are often small and gradual, once you hit your 40s and 50s, it’s not uncommon to start noticing bigger changes. In this episode, we’re going to talk all about sex at midlife and some of the most common sexual issues that come up during this time for women, as well as tips for dealing with them.
My guest today is Dr. Sameena Rahman, a board-certified OB/GYN, sex-med gynecologist, and menopause specialist with an academic affiliation at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. She is the founder of the Center for Gynecology and Cosmetics, and host of the podcast Gyno Girl Presents: Sex, Drugs & Hormones.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What are some of the most common sexual challenges faced by midlife women?
- Why is it so taboo to talk about midlife sexual distress?
- What do women need to know about how peri-menopause can affect your sex life?
- What are the most helpful strategies for improving sex at midlife?
- How can self-pleasure help in relieving peri-menopause symptoms?
You can follow Sameena on Instagram to stay updated on her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 372: Lustful Appetites
In the previous episode, we discussed the history of food and sex, which turns out to be a truly fascinating topic! Today, we’re diving even deeper into the subject. We’re going to explore how diet culture became a way of suppressing female pleasure, how interest in fine food came to be associated with being gay, why French food has a particularly strong association with sex, and more.
I am joined once again by Rachel Hope Cleves, a professor of history at the University of Victoria and a member of the College of the Royal Society of Canada. She is the author of four award-winning nonfiction history books and one science fiction novel. Her latest book is titled “Lustful Appetites: An Intimate History of Good Food and Wicked Sex.”
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- Why did a woman’s appetite for food become a barometer for her sexuality?
- When did restaurants shift from being places people primarily went for sex to places people went for food?
- Where did the association between gay men and gourmet cooking come from?
- How did cooking become a tool for seduction?
- How is the connection between food and sex playing out today on social media?
You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 371: The History of Good Food and Wicked Sex
Have you ever noticed how good food and good sex just kind of go together? It turns out that this association goes back a really long time, so we’re going to dive into some of that fascinating history today. For example, I bet you didn’t know that the world’s first restaurants weren’t just places people went to eat–they were also places people went to have sex!
My guest today is Rachel Hope Cleves, a professor of history at the University of Victoria and a member of the College of the Royal Society of Canada. She is the author of four award-winning nonfiction history books and one science fiction novel. Her latest book is titled “Lustful Appetites: An Intimate History of Good Food and Wicked Sex.”
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How did people come to think that spicy food lead to sexual temptation?
- What’s the history of the restaurant as a place people originally visited for both food and sex?
- What kinds of aphrodisiacs did early restaurants serve? And why were these foods thought to increase sexual desire?
- How did early restaurants collaborate with sex workers to do business?
- Historically, how have restaurants used women’s sex appeal to increase business?
You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 370: The Science of Sexual Pleasure
How do you define sexual pleasure? For some people, it simply means orgasm. But orgasm isn’t the only way we derive pleasure from sex! In this episode, we’re going to dive into the many and varied forms of sexual pleasure that exist, common barriers to experiencing pleasure, and how to get more pleasure from sex. We’ll also discuss tips for cultivating a more satisfying sex life.
I am joined once again by Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field. Her debut book titled, Good Sex, is now in print.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What all does sexual pleasure entail?
- What holds us back from experiencing sexual pleasure?
- Why don’t women have the same expectations of sexual pleasure as men?
- How is sexual satisfaction different from sexual pleasure?
- What are some of the factors that affect whether individual feel satisfied with their sex lives?
You can check out Candice’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 369: All About Orgasms
Let’s talk about orgasms! In today’s episode, we’re diving into a lot of interesting questions surrounding the big O. For example, who is responsible for your orgasm during sex: your partner or you? Also, is it ever OK to fake an orgasm? Additionally, we’ll explore strategies for having more orgasms if this is something you struggle with, as well as whether you can learn to be multiply-orgasmic.
My guest is Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field. Her debut book titled, Good Sex, is now in print.
Some of the topics we address in this episode include:
- Are orgasms something that our partners “give” us?
- What do porn and popular media get wrong about how orgasms are portrayed?
- What are the most common reasons why people fake orgasms?
- How are orgasms defined scientifically?
- The goal of closing the orgasm gap is to achieve orgasm equity. But what does orgasm equity actually look like?
You can check out Candice’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 368: What We Get Wrong About Relationships
A lot of the things you’ve probably learned about what healthy relationships look like are just plain wrong. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into what you really need to know. Some of the topics we’re going to explore include how to know whether a given relationship is right for you, how to avoid moving too fast, and the single best things you can do for your relationship health.
I am joined once again by Claire Perelman, a Queer, Jewish Sex Therapist and Educator living and working in the Bay Area. Her work with clients, workshops, podcasts, and social media focuses on making sex education more accessible and normalizing sexual pleasure and play in people’s lives. You can find her on the socials at @sexclarified.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Is a good relationship supposed to be hard or easy?
- Why is it unrealistic to expect a perfect sex life?
- What factors actually predict relationship satisfaction?
- How can we prioritize our relationships even when we’re busy?
You can check out Claire’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 367: Five Things Everybody Can Learn From Kink
Whether you consider yourself to be kinky or not, there’s a lot that all of us can learn from the kink community that could benefit our sex lives. Today, we’re going to explore five important things to know about cultivating safer, healthier, and more pleasurable sexual experiences. Along the way, we’re also going to dispel some common misconceptions about kink.
My guest is Claire Perelman, a Queer, Jewish Sex Therapist and Educator living and working in the Bay Area. Her work with clients, workshops, podcasts, and social media focuses on making sex education more accessible and normalizing sexual pleasure and play in people’s lives. You can find her on the socials at @sexclarified.
Some of the topics we address in this episode include:
- What are some of the biggest myths about the world of kink?
- What does negotiation during sex look like in practice?
- What is the importance of checking-in during sex and how do you go about this?
- How can we unburden ourselves of sexual shame and come to self-acceptance?
- If you’re looking to explore kink for the first time, what do you need to know?
You can check out Claire’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 366: Sexual Fantasies Across Cultures
If you’re a long-time listener, you’ve probably heard me talk about my study abroad classes before. I take students all over the world to learn about sex and culture, and one of the many topics we explore is sexual fantasies, including how they are similar or different across cultures.
For example, in my Amsterdam course, we hear from Marielle de Goede, who along with her colleagues at Company New Heroes conducted the largest ever study of sexual fantasies in the Netherlands and Belgium as part of a creative project titled Yes, Please! They interviewed over 400 people about their fantasies and subsequently published a Dutch-language book about their findings under the same name. This project also resulted in various theatre performances and a traveling erotic exhibition. The goal of the project was to celebrate the erotic imagination and to break the taboos surrounding our fantasies and sexuality by bringing together art, storytelling, and science.
In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss Marielle’s project in more depth. Some of the topics we address include:
- How similar or different are sexual fantasy themes around the world?
- Why do Europeans seem to fantasize about cuckolding less than Americans?
- How might our political beliefs affect our fantasies?
- How do people feel about their sexual fantasies?
- What do we know about the origins of our fantasies?
- What’s the best way to share a fantasy with a partner?
If you’re interested in learning more and joining me on a study abroad trip this year, this blog has the registration information for all of our locations this year — Amsterdam, Prague, Reykjavik, and Barcelona.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 365: Men’s Anxiety Around Sex and Dating
Research finds that up to 25% of men experience sexual performance anxiety, which is just one of many types of anxiety that affect men in the bedroom. In this episode, we’re diving into men’s anxiety around sex and relationships, and how to deal with it.
I am joined once again by David Khalili, a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified sexologist, and founder of Rouse Relational Wellness, a boutique couples and sex therapy center in San Francisco. He is author of the Mental Health Workbook for Men and Sex Worriers: A Mindfully Queer Guide to Men’s Anxiety Around Sex and Dating.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How does anxiety manifest in men’s sexual and romantic lives?
- How can men’s anxiety lead to boundary violations?
- How can men cope with anxiety about their own performance during sex?
- What are some ways men can learn to be more present during sex?
- How do you deal with anxiety around masculinity issues?
You can check out David’s website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 364: Men’s Mental Health
A growing number of men are experiencing mental health struggles. However, surveys from all around the world find that men are very reluctant to talk about their mental health. As a result, their mental health issues often go undiagnosed and untreated, and many turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. In today’s show, we’re going to open up a conversation about men’s mental health.
I am joined by David Khalili, a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified sexologist, and founder of Rouse Relational Wellness, a boutique couples and sex therapy center in San Francisco. He is author of the Mental Health Workbook for Men and Sex Worriers: A Mindfully Queer Guide to Men’s Anxiety Around Sex and Dating.
Some of the topics we address in this episode include:
- How is mental health different from mental illness?
- What are some of the most common mental health concerns facing men today?
- What are some of the factors that contribute to men’s mental health concerns?
- What are some of the ways that a man’s mental health can affect his sex life?
- How can men cope with stress more effectively?
You can check out David’s website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 363: Sex In The Movies
When it comes to how sex and sexuality are portrayed on screen, what does Hollywood get right and wrong? Let’s talk about it! I recently appeared on the Love Factually Podcast, hosted by my friends Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. They asked me to select a film about sex, so I picked the 2010 movie Easy A starring Emma Stone. We had a really fun conversation about it, so I wanted to share it with you today.
Easy A covers a lot of timely themes, including sexual reputation, virginity, casual sex, and the sexual double standard. We discuss how this film handles them, what the science says about these topics, and also how our sexual culture has shifted since this film first came out.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Does the sexual double standard still exist for men and women?
- How is casual sex related to self-esteem?
- What does this movie get right and wrong about hookup culture?
- How do reputational concerns influence women’s interest in casual sex?
I hope you enjoy this episode of the Love Factually podcast—and if you like what you hear, give Paul and Eli’s show a follow on Apple or Spotify.
Have a sex question of your own? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 362: Sex Questions We’ve Never Been Asked Before (Listener Questions)
We are answering more of your sex questions in this show! We had a couple of fascinating questions that came through our listener voicemail that really stood out to me because I’ve never been asked about them before:
- Our first question is about what to do with sex toys you don’t want or need anymore. Can you recycle them? The answer is surprisingly complicated!
- The second question comes from a sex worker who wants to be open and honest with her kids about her work, so she’s looking for advice on how to have that conversation.
To help me in answering these questions, Ashley Weller is back on the show. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also has a podcast called What’s Your Position that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.
Have a sex question of your own? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 361: Navigating Age-Gap Relationships (Listener Questions)
In today’s show, we are answering more of your sex questions! We recently had two questions come through our podcast voicemail that center around navigating relationships where the partners are significantly different in terms of age, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about in this show.
To help me in answering these questions, Ashley Weller is back on the podcast. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also runs her own podcast called What’s Your Position, which tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What counts as an “age-gap relationship” anyway?
- Why are age-gap relationships so stigmatized?
- If you’re in an age-gap relationship, how do you deal with all of the social judgment?
- How do you maintain a healthy and active sex life in an age-gap relationship when partners have different libidos?
- What are some of the most common challenges that come up in age-gap relationships?
Have a sex question of your own? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 360: What’s Your Love Language?
“The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular self-help books on relationships ever written, and it’s often used in couples’ therapy. However, despite its massive popularity, there’s a surprising lack of research on the theory behind it. My guest today recently published a new study that tested some of its core ideas, and the findings may very well surprise you.
I am joined by Dr. Sharon M. Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is licensed to practice psychology in New York and Pennsylvania, and is an Associate Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento.
Some of the topics we address in this episode include:
- What are the five love languages?
- Does everyone have a primary love language?
- Are people actually happier when their partner “speaks” their primary love language?
- Which love language is most strongly linked to relationship satisfaction?
- Is the love languages concept useful in sex and relationship therapy?
You can check out Sharon’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 359: Are You Having “Good Enough” Sex?
Sexual problems are common. So how do we fix them? In today’s episode, we’re going to dive into the Good Enough Sex Model. It’s a radically different way of thinking about sex that can help us both in preventing problems from emerging in the first place, as well as fixing problems when they appear.
My guest is Dr. Barry McCarthy. He is an emeritus professor of psychology at American University and a certified couple’s therapist. He has published more than 150 academic papers and chapters, and has authored or co-authored 24 books. In 2016 he received the Masters and Johnson award for lifetime contributions to the sexuality field.
Some of the topics we address in this episode include:
- Why do we need more than just medication when it comes to fixing sexual problems?
- What is the Good Enough Sex Model? How is it different from other forms of sex therapy?
- How can we set realistic expectations for resolving sexual problems?
- Why is playfulness such an important element of good sex?
- How can parters resolve disagreements about sex in a healthy way?
You can check out Barry’s Psychology Today profile to read more of his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 358: Resolutions for Thriving Relationships (Essential Listen)
Now is the perfect time to make some resolutions for healthy relationships in the New Year! In previous year-end episodes, we covered sexual resolutions (see episodes 155 and 253), so in this show, we’re going to focus on relationship resolutions. We’ll be talking about tips for making new friends, strengthening romantic relationships, and building a healthier relationship with yourself.
Today, we’re going to revisit one of Sex and Psychology’s Essential Listens: my interview with Dr. Juliana Hauser, which originally appeared back in episode 156. Dr. Juliana is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, sex, and sexuality. In addition to running a private practice, she is a nationally known expert in this area whose work has appeared all over in the media.
Some of the topics we dive into include:
- What are some ways of meeting new people in the new year?
- How can we balance having strong friendships that don’t interfere with our romantic relationships?
- How can we resolve to be better online daters in the new year?
- What are some ways we can cultivate better communication skills with our partners?
You can check out Juliana’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 357: Navigating ADHD and Sex
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a topic that is rarely discussed in terms of how it affects adults’ intimate lives, but it’s something we need to talk about. Research suggests that around 40% of adults with ADHD experience at least one form of sexual dysfunction. In today’s show, we’re going to explore what you need to know about ADHD, sex, and relationships.
I am joined by Cate Osborn, a certified sex educator, mental health advocate, and full-time content creator, with ADHD. As a professional table top role-playing game performer, she is passionate about opening conversations about neurodiversity and accessibility in the gaming and BDSM/kink communities.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- Why is ADHD linked to both lower and higher sexual desire?
- How does ADHD affect orgasm?
- Are there gender differences in how ADHD impacts sex?
- What are some of the ways ADHD can affect relationships outside of the bedroom?
- If you’re someone who finds yourself constantly distracted during sex, what can you do about this?
You can check out Cate’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 356: Why Holiday Romance Movies Are So Popular
Over the last couple of decades, holiday movies have increasingly centered around love and romance, and they’re growing massively in popularity. In this episode, we’re going to dive into the rise of romance-themed holiday media and how this intersects with cuffing season, or the increased tendency for people to partner-up during the winter months.
I am joined once again by Dr. Paul Eastwick and Dr. Eli Finkel. Dr. Eastwick is a Professor at the University of California, Davis, where he studies romantic attraction and close relationships. Dr. Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University and author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, which we discussed back in Episode 45. Together, they co-host the Love Factually podcast.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- Why is so much holiday media focused on themes of love and romance?
- What’s the science behind “cuffing season?”
- Is it a good or bad thing that holiday media focuses so much on romance?
- Is Die Hard really a Christmas movie?
You can check out the Love Factually podcast website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 355: The Rise of Sentient Object Romance
“Sentient object romance” is an increasingly popular erotica genre in which humans get ravished by inanimate objects that come to life. Some of the most wonderfully absurd titles I’ve seen in this area include “Glazed by the Gay Living Donuts” and “This Pumpkin Spice Latte Gets Me Off.” In today’s show, we’re going to explore the appeal of sentient object romance with an author who has published dozens of books in this area.
I am joined by Chuck Tingle, a USA Today bestselling author, two-time Hugo Award finalist, and Bram Stoker Award nominee. He is a mysterious force of energy behind sunglasses and a pink mask. He is also an anonymous author of romance, horror, and fantasy. Chuck writes to prove love is real, because love is the most important tool we have when resisting the endless cosmic void.
Some of the topics we dive into include:
- What do people find appealing or arousing about sentient objects?
- Why are some people attracted to objects in real life?
- How does attraction to objects intersect with neurodiversity?
- What’s the political subtext behind sentient object romance?
You can check out Chuck’s website to learn more about his work, and check out all of his books here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 354: Why Gay Men Have a Higher Risk of Erectile Dysfunction
Research has found that gay men are substantially more likely to experience erectile dysfunction than heterosexual men, whereas heterosexual men are more likely to experience premature ejaculation than gay men. So what’s up with that? In this episode, we’re going dive into the science that can help to explain this curious pattern, as well as discuss tips for dealing with ED.
I am joined once again by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, and author of the book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, which will be published in March 2025.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- How common is ED among gay men?
- How does performance anxiety impact gay men, and how do you deal with this?
- How do recreational drugs impact sexual functioning?
- What are some strategies to improve erectile function?
- How might rapid ejaculation be viewed differently in gay vs. heterosexual contexts?
You can learn more by checking out the Queer Relationship Institute’s Linktree.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
TENGA is Japan’s leading sexual wellness brand, specializing in discreet, stylish products. Take advantage of their year-end sale and Christmas bundles at the TENGA Store USA and TENGA Store Europe. Use code SEXANDPSYCH to save 15% off your first purchase with a minimum spend of $15 (US) or €30 (Europe).
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 353: Dating And Relationship Tips For Gay Men
Most relationship advice is tailored to heterosexual folks. And while some of that is also applicable queer relationships, not all of it is. Queer relationships are unique and therefore need relationship advice that’s tailored to them. My guest today has a forthcoming book that offers a relationship guide for gay men, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about in this show.
I am joined by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, and author of the book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, which will be published in March 2025.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What are the unique stages that gay men’s relationships go through?
- What’s the deal with gay men and “daddy issues?”
- For gay men who struggle to make a relationship last beyond the honeymoon stage, what do they need to know?
- How can understanding your attachment style help in navigating dating and relationships?
- How do you find a sex or relationship therapist who is knowledgable and gay-affirming?
You can learn more by checking out the Queer Relationship Institute’s Linktree.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 352: Inside the World of Financial Domination
Financial domination or findom involves a submissive (usually a man) who gives money or control of their finances to a dominant partner (usually a woman). The sub is not expecting anything in return—it’s about submitting, giving up control, sometimes being humiliated, and being aroused by all of this. So why are people into findom, and why does it seem to be growing in popularity?
My guest today is Jessica van Meir, a PhD candidate at the Harvard Kennedy School who studies sex work. Jessica is co-founder of MintStars, a subscription platform for content creators, models, and their fans. She also co-authored a chapter in the new book Sex Work Today: Erotic Labor in the 21st Century that explores the rise of financial kinks.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- Who’s into findom and why?
- How is findom similar to or different from sugar dating?
- What’s the connection between findom, our growing economic crises, and capitalism?
- How can findom serve as a way of coping with financial precarity?
- How does findom both challenge and reinforce traditional gender power dynamics?
To learn more about Jessica, follow her on the socials at @jessicavanmeir.bsky.social
You can get 30% off Sex Work Today when you input code NYUP30 at checkout on nyupress.org.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 351: The Pornification of America
These days, it seems like sex is everywhere you look. We live in a very pornified culture in many ways, but it wasn’t always like this. So what changed? In today’s show, we’re going to explore the rise of “raunch culture.” Some of the topics we’ll discuss include the effects of living in a hypersexualized society, the mixed messages that women receive about sex, and why raunch culture and purity culture co-exist.
I am joined once again by Dr. Bernadette Barton, a Professor of Sociology and the Director of Gender Studies at Morehead State University. Barton is co-editor of the new book Sex Work Today: Erotic Labor in the 21st Century. She is also author of the book The Pornification of America. Her research and teaching explore contemporary issues of gender, sexuality, religion, culture, happiness, and the sex industry.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What is “raunch culture?”
- When and why did our culture start to become so highly pornified?
- Is raunch culture empowering to women?
- Is the hypersexualization of society a sign of sex-positivity?
- Raunch culture and purity culture seem at odds with one another, so how do they exist simultaneously?
You can get 30% off Sex Work Today when you input code NYUP30 at checkout on nyupress.org.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 350: The Rise of Sugar Dating
Sugar dating typically involves an older, wealthy person who financially supports a younger, attractive partner in exchange for companionship and intimacy, and sometimes sex. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the growing popularity of sugar dating and the unique grey area that it occupies in between traditional dating and sex work.
My guest is Dr. Bernadette Barton, a Professor of Sociology and the Director of Gender Studies at Morehead State University. Barton is co-editor of the new book Sex Work Today: Erotic Labor in the 21st Century. Her research and teaching explore contemporary issues of gender, sexuality, religion, culture, happiness, and the sex industry.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What are some common examples of sugaring arrangements?
- How is sugar dating different from traditional dating?
- Is sugar dating sex work?
- What’s the legal status of sugar dating?
- Who holds the power in sugar dating relationships?
You can get 30% off Sex Work Today when you input code NYUP30 at checkout on nyupress.org.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Maintain your intimate health with NeuEve. Check out NeuEve’s array of science-backed products created by an OB/GYN for promoting vaginal wellness. Visit neueve.com/justin to learn more and save 5% off of your order!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 349: What Movies Get Right (And Wrong) About Relationships
Romantic comedies are one of the most popular film genres. But how accurate are rom-coms in the way they portray sex, love, and relationships? My guests today are the hosts of a new podcast that uses the science of relationships to separate fact from fiction in some of the biggest rom-coms of all time. We’re going to explore some of the things that Hollywood gets right and wrong in the way they depict relationships.
I am joined by Dr. Paul Eastwick and Dr. Eli Finkel. Dr. Eastwick is a Professor at the University of California, Davis, where he studies romantic attraction and close relationships. Dr. Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University and author of the bestselling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, which we discussed back in Episode 45. Together, they co-host the Love Factually podcast.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- In movies, partners often meet as strangers and fall in love. Is this how relationships typically start in real life?
- Falling in love at first sight is a common theme in rom-coms. But what does the science say about this?
- Opposites often attract on screen, but is that also true IRL?
- What are some things films often get wrong about sex?
- Is it necessarily a bad thing if rom coms aren’t always accurate?
You can check out the Love Factually podcast website to learn and listen more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 348: How To Stay Sexually Healthy Your Entire Life
Our sexuality is something that evolves and changes over time. However, traditional sex education does a poor job of preparing us for those changes. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how to stay sexually healthy for your entire life. We’re going to explore what people at different stages of life need to know, why maintaining sexual health is so important, tips for navigating low sexual desire, and so much more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Evelin Dacker, who is the creator of the STARS framework for sexual communication, which we discussed in depth in the last episode. She is a physician who specializes in sexual wellness, menopause and hormones, and vitality throughout life.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What are the key things young adults should know about staying sexually healthy?
- How can we effectively communicate with our partners about sexual difficulties when they arise?
- What do mid-life and older adults need to know about maintaining a healthy sex life?
- How do you maintain a healthy sex life when your sexual desire (or your partner’s desire) declines?
- How do you talk to your doctor about sex?
You can check out Evelin’s website to learn more about the STARS method and follow her on the socials @sexmeddoc.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 347: How To Improve Your Sexual Communication Skills
Most of us recognize how important sexual communication is, yet we still struggle with it. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss a practical framework for improving your sexual communication skills. It’s called the STARS method. Using this technique will help you and your partner(s) to better understand each other and lay the groundwork for hot and healthy intimate encounters.
My guest is Dr. Evelin Dacker, the creator of the STARS method. She is a physician who specializes in sexual wellness, menopause and hormones, and vitality throughout life. Her unique approach to health incorporates pleasure as an important aspect for healing trauma and illness.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What does STARS stand for? What are the key things we should be discussing with our partners?
- How can we go about discovering our turn-ons and communicating them effectively?
- How do you tell your partner about the things you don’t want and communicate your boundaries?
- How do you make discussions about sexual health and STIs easier?
- Why is it important to communicate your relationship intentions, and how do you do this?
You can check out Evelin’s website to learn more about the STARS method and follow her on the socials @sexmeddoc.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 346: What You Don’t Know About the Clitoris
The clitoris is a piece of anatomy that has repeatedly been discovered, described, and forgotten. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the history of the clitoris and what you need to know about it. We’ll also explore whether there’s really a difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, the surprising role of testosterone in clitoral health, and how recent research has completely changed our understanding of clitoral anatomy.
I am joined once again by Dr. Maria Uloko, a board certified urologist specializing in comprehensive sexual health, reconstruction, and prosthesis. She is the CEO of MUMD Sexual Medicine Consulting and the founder of VULVAi, an innovative patient advocacy tool that employs AI to aid patients grappling with vulvovaginal issues.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- When did people first start recognizing the importance of the clitoris in female sexual pleasure?
- Why did it take so long for us to develop a basic understanding of clitoral anatomy?
- How many nerve ending are in the clitoris?
- How can a better understanding of clitoral anatomy help improve women’s sexual health and pleasure?
- Are there really different “types” of female orgasm?
You can check out Maria’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 345: Secrets of the Vulva
The vulva is one of the most misunderstood pieces of sexual anatomy. So in today’s show, we’re going to talk about what you don’t know about the vulva. Among other things, we’ll discuss the lifespan of the vulva, the importance of maintaining vulvar health, and how sex education is failing us all when it comes to understanding the vulva.
My guest is Dr. Maria Uloko, a board certified urologist specializing in comprehensive sexual health, reconstruction, and prosthesis. She is the CEO of MUMD Sexual Medicine Consulting and the founder of VULVAi, an innovative patient advocacy tool that employs AI to aid patients grappling with vulvovaginal issues.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What is the difference between the vulva and the vagina?
- Are doctors learning enough about the vulva?
- How does the vulva evolve and change with age?
- How can paying attention to vulvar health improve overall wellbeing?
- How do you maintain a happy and healthy vulva?
You can check out Maria’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 344: The Surprising History of Kink, Porn, and Fetishes
For as long as humans have been having sex, they’ve been having kinky sex. So let’s talk about our kinky history and how it can help us to better understand sexuality today. In this episode, we’re going to explore the roots of a number of popular fetishes, including leather, nylon, and feet. We’re also going to talk about the history of porn, including the rise of animated porn in popular culture.
I am joined once again by Esmé Louise James, who is best known for her Kinky History podcast and social media series which has amassed nearly 3 million followers. She is author of the new book Kinky History: A Rollicking Journey Through Our Sexual Past, Present, and Future.
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- How did leather and nylon come to be associated with sex in the first place?
- When and why did foot fetishes start to become popular?
- When did humans start making porn?
- Historically, why was porn often used for political purposes?
- When did cartoon/animated porn begin to rise in popularity?
You can check out Esmé’s website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @esme.louisee.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 343: The Fascinating History Of Sex Toys
Sex toys are far from a modern invention. Humans have actually been making them for millennia! So let’s dive into the fascinating history of sex toys. In today’s show, we’ll tell you about the oldest dildo ever discovered, the true story behind the invention of the vibrator, and so much more.
I am joined by Esmé Louise James, who is best known for her Kinky History podcast and social media series which has amassed nearly 3 million followers. She is author of the new book Kinky History: A Rollicking Journey Through Our Sexual Past, Present, and Future.
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- How long have humans been using sex toys?
- When did people start mass-producing dildos?
- When was the vibrator invented, and why were the first versions geared toward men?
- When were cock rings first developed and what were they like?
- What did people use for contraception before condoms or birth control pills existed?
You can check out Esmé’s website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @esme.louisee.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 342: The Secret To Cultivating Passion
How do you create a lasting connection with a partner and sustain passion in a relationship over time? In today’s show, we’re going to discuss the secrets you need to know for cultivating hotter and healthier sex lives. By following these tips, you can learn to have the kind of sex that we all really want to be having, which is where it feels almost effortless because you’re totally in synch with your partner.
I am joined once again by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist based in Houston, Texas. Dr. Jamea hosts the popular Love & Libido Podcast and is author of the new book Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- Why is curiosity an important element of great sex?
- How do you build up the courage to try something new if that sounds a little scary or stressful to you?
- How can you learn to become more adaptable in the bedroom?
- Why is vulnerability important for having great sex?
- What is attunement, and how can we become more attuned to our partners during sex?
You can check out Emily’s website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials at @DrEmilyJamea.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 341: How To Stop Feeling Distracted During Sex
One of the most common sex problems people report today is that they can’t seem to clear their mind during sex. They find themselves distracted or they’re multi-tasking, and this is getting in the way of their pleasure. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss why this problem is on the rise and what we can do about it. Specifically, we’re going to learn how to have embodied sex, which is the kind of sex that allows us to get out of our heads and into the moment.
I am joined by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist based in Houston, Texas. Dr. Jamea hosts the popular Love & Libido Podcast and is author of the new book Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- How is our modern world making it harder for us to be present during sex?
- What is a “flow state,” and why is this an important element of good sex?
- How can we learn to become more embodied during sex?
- What are some everyday ways to practice embodiment?
- How can we leverage the power of touch to enhance sex and relationships?
You can check out Emily’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 340: Is Social Media Ruining Dating?
Social media has permeated many aspects of our lives, including our intimate lives. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss the good, bad, and ugly of how social media has changed dating. Some of the topics we explore include how social media can stoke relationship insecurity and undermine authentic connection, as well as why social media is increasingly a terrible place to learn about relationships. We’ll also consider tips for using social media in healthier ways.
I am joined once again by Dr. Nicole McNichols an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington. Nicole is the co-author of the textbook “Human Sexuality In A Diverse Society” and author of the forthcoming book “You Could Be Having Better Sex.”
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- How can social media increase uncertainty about whether someone is really interested in you?
- How is the fact that people are constantly posting private details of their lives changing the way we’re approaching dating?
- When do social media interactions cross the line into cheating?
- Are there any ways that social media can be good for relationships?
- How can we use social media in a more mindful way?
You can learn more about Nicole’s work on her website, and be sure to check out her videos on TikTok as well.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 339: How Gen Z Is Redefining Sex and Relationships
What do young adults today want from sex and relationships? And how is this different compared to generations past? To answer these questions, we’re going to dive into The State of Dating Report, a collaborative scientific analysis from the Kinsey Institute and Feeld, the dating app for the curious. We’re going to discuss why younger adults are having less sex overall but more kinky sex, how preferences for different types of relationships vary across generations, and more.
I am joined by Dr. Nicole McNichols an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington. Nicole is the co-author of the textbook “Human Sexuality In A Diverse Society” and author of the forthcoming book “You Could Be Having Better Sex.”
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- Why Gen Z is having less sex and fewer relationships compared to generations past.
- Why younger adults are more interested in monogamy than older adults.
- Why kinky sex is on the rise in Gen Z.
- How the sexual fantasies of younger and older adults compare.
- Why rates of LGBTQ+ identification are rising among young adults.
You can learn more about Nicole’s work on her website, and be sure to check out her videos on TikTok as well.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 338: The Science of Libido, Orgasm, and Desire (Listener Questions)
In today’s show, we’re answering more of your sex questions! This is our third dive into some of the questions that have come through our listener voicemail. I’m going to answer three of them that I thought were super interesting.
- Our first question is about whether libido is genetically determined, so we’ll look at what the science says about the degree to which genetics control our sexual desire.
- The second question deals with a male listener who has difficulty reaching orgasm, so we’ll talk about tips for managing that.
- Finally, a listener asked about how to boost sexual desire in post-menopausal women, so we’ll explore what you need to know about that with an assist from Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, a practicing gynecologist and a North American Menopause Society Certified Clinician. Dr. Minkin was a previous guest on episode 334: How To Have a Happy Vagina.
If you have questions you’d like to have answered on the show, you can send me a podcast voicemail of your own at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. You can do it from your computer or from your phone, so keep sending those questions in!
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 337: Understanding Women’s Sexual Desire (Essential Listen)
Sexual desire is complex. Scientists can’t even agree on a definition of it, let alone whether and how it is distinct from arousal. In today’s show, we’re going to revisit one of my favorite conversations of all time on the show, which offers a deep dive into the science behind women’s sexual desire. Some of the topics we’ll discuss include how to treat problems with low desire, why monogamy is so hard on desire, as well as why wanting to be wanted is so vital to feeling desire.
My guest is Dr. Marta Meana, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. The author of numerous academic publications and two books, her research has focused on genital pain in women, as well as female sexual desire.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Diversity in how sexual desire is experienced.
- Why long-term monogamy is hard on sexual desire for everyone, but especially for women.
- Whether it’s possible to maintain both intense intimacy and intense passion at the same time.
- Why women are more likely than men to see themselves as the object of desire in their fantasies.
- How having more erotic self-focus can benefit women’s sex lives.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest
Episode 336: Not Having Sex Is The Latest Sex Trend
A growing number of people seem to be hitting the pause button on their sex lives, which is why terms like “volcel” (short for voluntary celibacy) and “boysober” are trending on social media. So what’s this all about? Why is not having sex the hot new sex trend? Let’s talk about it. In today’s show, we’re going to explore the rise of voluntary celibacy and what you need to know about it.
I am joined once again by Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field. Her debut book titled Good Sex will be published in February 2025.
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What does it really mean to be voluntarily celibate?
- Why might someone choose to take a break from sex for a while?
- Why does voluntary celibacy seem to be more popular among women than men?
- What are the potential benefits and challenges of celibacy?
- If you’re taking a break from sex, how can you make the most of it?
You can check out Candice’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 335: How To Have Good Sex
If you had to define “good sex” in just three words, what would they be? In today’s show, we’re going to talk about the key things that come to mind when people are asked this question. There are 20 common responses to this, which constitute the main ingredients of the kind of sex we all want to be having. We’re going to dive into some of those ingredients and talk about tips for how to incorporate them into your sex life so that you can experience more pleasure, connectedness, and fun in the bedroom.
My guest is Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field. Her debut book titled Good Sex will be published in February 2025.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- Why is it useful to think about sex as being akin to cooking?
- What are some of the key ingredients, seasonings, and spices that make for good sex?
- How can we make sex fun again?
- How can we experience more connectedness to ourselves during sex?
- How can we get better at communicating about sex?
You can check out Candice’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 334: How To Have A Happy Vagina
Many women don’t know what they really need to know about maintaining good vaginal health, which leads some of them to turn to products and practices that might do more harm than good. So in today’s show, we’re going to discuss how to have a happy and healthy vagina. Specifically, we’ll explore how your lifestyle impacts your vaginal health, how to maintain the proper pH balance for your vagina, tips for dealing with vaginal dryness, what you need to know about feminine hygiene products, and more.
My guest today is Mary Jane Minkin, a practicing gynecologist and a North American Menopause Society Certified Clinician. She has taught at Yale School of Medicine for more than 41 years, and is a clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive sciences.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- What are some common lifestyle factors that can impact vaginal health?
- How would someone know if their vaginal pH balance was out of whack?
- How do vaginal hygiene products impact vaginal health?
- What causes vaginal dryness, and what are some practical ways of dealing with this for both younger and older women?
- How do you choose the contraceptive that’s right for you and your body?
You can check out Dr. Minkin’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 333: What It’s Like To Have Sex On Psychedelics
Psychedelic use is at an all-time high among young adults. These drugs are used for many purposes, but often for sex. So let’s talk about “trippy” sex. In this episode, we’re going to discuss the sexual effects of several common psychedelics, the potential benefits and risks of these drugs, and what people who wish to combine sex and substances need to know in terms of having safer and more pleasurable experiences.
I am joined once again by Ashley Manta, an award-winning sex educator and certified sexologist. She has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of her CannaSexual brand, which has also expanded to include psychedelics. She is co-author of the book The CBD Solution: Sex.
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- How does MDMA/ecstasy affect people’s sexual experiences?
- What are the sexual effects of psilocybin and ketamine?
- Why do different people experience different effects from psychedelics?
- How do psychedelics compare to alcohol in terms of their sexual impact?
- What conversations should you have with a partner before combing drugs and sex?
You can check out Ashley’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 332: How Cannabis Affects Sex
A lot of people consume cannabis prior to sexual activity. But how exactly does cannabis affect sex, and what do you need to know about it? In today’s show, we’re going to dive into what the research says about how cannabis affects men’s and women’s sexual function and performance, the problems with a lot of the research on sex and cannabis, why cannabis affects different people in different ways, how the sexual effects of marijuana and CBD compare, and more.
My guest today is Ashley Manta, an award-winning sex educator and certified sexologist. She has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of her CannaSexual brand, which has also expanded to include psychedelics. She is co-author of the book The CBD Solution: Sex.
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What is the endocannabinoid system, and what is its purpose is in the body?
- What are the most common sexual effects of cannabis use?
- How does cannabis affect male and female sexual function?
- Why is there so much individual variability in the effects of cannabis on the body?
- How are CBD and THC similar or different in terms of sexual effects?
You can check out Ashley’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you looking for a space that celebrates diverse perspectives, explores new frontiers and brings all of your favorite people together? The Annual Sexological Conference hosted by Sexual Health Alliance is where sexuality leaders gather. Get your ticket to be inspired, educated, and empowered. Head over to SexualHealthAlliance.com, select the Annual Sexological Conference page and save your spot today!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 331: The Surprising Intimacy of Bromances
“Bromance” is a term that is often used to describe close friendships between men. These relationships contain elements of emotional intimacy, but physical intimacy may occur as well, such as cuddling. Sometimes there’s even a sexual component, such as when two male friends participate in a threesome together. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss the psychology behind bromances. We’ll also talk about why a lot of men struggle when it comes to being vulnerable with their friends.
I am joined once again by Mark McCormack, a Professor of Sociology at Aston University. His research examines how social trends related to gender and sexuality map onto everyday experiences of individuals. To date, he has published more than 80 scientific works.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What does it really mean to have a bromance? What do these relationships look like?
- Why do a lot of heterosexual men find it difficult to open up to their male friends?
- How common is physical intimacy in bromances?
- What are bromances like among men who identify as something other than heterosexual?
You can click here to connect with Mark on Twitter/X.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 330: The Science of Kink
What does it really mean to be “kinky?” It can be difficult to say because kink is a subjective term that means different things to different people. Kink can also be a fantasy, a practice, or even an identity. It’s time for a new way of thinking about kink that can capture all of this complexity. In today’s show, we’re going to explore the brand new Kink Orientation Scale, a scientific quiz designed to measure how kinky a given person is in a comprehensive way.
My guest is Mark McCormack, a Professor of Sociology at Aston University. His research examines how social trends related to gender and sexuality map onto everyday experiences of individuals. To date, he has published more than 80 scientific works.
Some of the specific topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What does it mean to have a “kink orientation?”
- Is kink itself a sexual orientation?
- What are the five different components that make up a kink orientation?
- Why is it important to think about kink as running along a continuum instead of being a binary thing (i.e., kinky vs. vanilla)?
You can click here to take the Kink Orientation Quiz for yourself.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you looking for a space that celebrates diverse perspectives, explores new frontiers and brings all of your favorite people together? The Annual Sexological Conference hosted by Sexual Health Alliance is where sexuality leaders gather. Get your ticket to be inspired, educated, and empowered. Head over to SexualHealthAlliance.com, select the Annual Sexological Conference page and save your spot today!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 329: Monogamy? In This Economy?
When romantic partners move in together, something they need to figure out is how to manage their finances. Will your money be shared or separate? And who will pay for what? These conversations can be tricky to navigate in general, but they become even more complex when you have multiple partners. In today’s episode, we’re going to dive into money management in polyamorous relationships. We’ll explore financial considerations for poly folks, the financial benefits of being polyamorous, and more.
I am joined once again by Laura Boyle, author of the new book Monogamy? In this Economy? Sue runs a blog called Ready for Polyamory. Her first book titled, Ready for Polyamory: A Pragmatic Guide to Consensual Non-Monogamy, was released in 2021.
Some of the specific questions we discuss include:
- Why are more and more people (including monogamous couples) keeping their finances separate today?
- What are the most common financial arrangements that polyamorous people make?
- How can poly folks successfully navigate conflicts around money?
- How do polyamorous people manage money when partners have drastically different incomes, expenses, and debts?
- What are some of the financial advantages to having multiple partners?
You can learn more about Laura and her work by visiting her website. You can also follow her on the socials @readyforpolyamory.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 328: Tips For Living With Multiple Partners
If you’ve never lived with multiple partners before, figuring out how to navigate this kind of situation can pose some challenges. For example, how do you determine where everyone will sleep? How do you navigate things like personal space, chores, and scheduling conflicts? In today’s show, we’re going to discuss practical tips on cultivating happy and harmonious living arrangements for polyamorous individuals.
My guest is Laura Boyle, author of the new book Monogamy? In this Economy? Sue runs a blog called Ready for Polyamory. Her first book titled, Ready for Polyamory: A Pragmatic Guide to Consensual Non-Monogamy, was released in 2021.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What are the most common living arrangements for polyamorous folks?
- How can poly people navigate issues like leases, mortgages, and even biases from landlords that might make it difficult to live with more than one partner?
- How can “new relationship energy” complicate living situations?
- What are the most common conflicts that arise when a new partner moves in?
You can learn more about Laura and her work by visiting her website. You can also follow her on the socials @readyforpolyamory.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you looking for a space that celebrates diverse perspectives, explores new frontiers and brings all of your favorite people together? The Annual Sexological Conference hosted by Sexual Health Alliance is where sexuality leaders gather. Get your ticket to be inspired, educated, and empowered. Head over to SexualHealthAlliance.com, select the Annual Sexological Conference page and save your spot today!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 327: Sex Tips for Men
We discussed sex tips for women in the previous episode, so today we have some tips for the guys. Some of the topics we’ll discuss include how to have stronger erections, what you need to know if you’re concerned about your penis size, as well as how to increase sexual pleasure. We’re also going to discuss common sexual concerns men have and how to address them.
I am joined once again by Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist and sexuality educator. With over 300 million views and 2 million subscribers, her YouTube channel @RenaMalikMD has become a go-to destination for frank, evidence-based discussions of taboo topics. With a prolific portfolio boasting over 80 peer-reviewed publications, she has contributed to advancement and innovation in the field of urology.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- If you experience delayed or absent orgasm during partnered sex, what can you do about this?
- What should you do if you find that condoms interfere with pleasure and sensation?
- What can you do if you want to have stronger and firmer erections?
- Are there any reliable ways to boost seminal volume?
- Is there anything that actually works in terms of increasing penis size?
You can check out Rena’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 326: Sex Tips For Women
Female sexual pleasure is a topic that is not often covered in traditional sex education. In fact, it’s extraordinarily rare for the word “clitoris” to even be mentioned in sex ed! The unfortunate result is that many women (and their partners) never learn the information they really need to know. In today’s show, we’re diving into the sex ed you never got in school and discussing key facts about women’s sexual health and pleasure.
My guest is Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist and sexuality educator. With over 300 million views and 2 million subscribers, her YouTube channel @RenaMalikMD has become a go-to destination for frank, evidence-based discussions of taboo topics. With a prolific portfolio boasting over 80 peer-reviewed publications, she has contributed to advancement and innovation in the field of urology.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What are some ways of making intercourse more pleasurable for women?
- How do you deal with a problem like sexual pain, and what are some common solutions for it?
- What can women do if they’re having trouble orgasming?
- What should women who are concerned with vaginal taste and smell know?
- What can you do to prevent vaginal infections?
You can check out Rena’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you looking for a space that celebrates diverse perspectives, explores new frontiers and brings all of your favorite people together? The Annual Sexological Conference hosted by Sexual Health Alliance is where sexuality leaders gather. Get your ticket to be inspired, educated, and empowered. Head over to SexualHealthAlliance.com, select the Annual Sexological Conference page and save your spot today!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 325: Sex on Trial – Tales of an Expert Witness
Sex educators and researchers are often called upon to serve as expert witnesses in legal proceedings. This is particularly true in cases that center around kink or BDSM, consensual non-monogamy, and sexual or gender minorities. The job of the experts is to help judges and juries better understand the sexual issues at hand. In today’s show, I’m going to interview a colleague who has extensive experience serving as an expert witness. We’re going to talk about the some of the cases she’s been a part of, what the experience is like, and more.
My guest is Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. Dr. Eli holds a PhD in Sociology and certification as a Sexuality Educator from AASECT. She has published four books, over 30 peer-reviewed journal articles and chapters, and is currently editing a series of books on relationship and sexual diversity.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- How do you decide which legal cases to get involved in?
- What are some reasons why you might not take a particular case?
- What kinds of legal issues come up for non-monogamous individuals that would require an expert witness?
- What are some of the legal issues that come up in the context of kink and BDSM?
- Given that consent is not a valid legal defense for injuries that arise during sex, what do kinky folks need to know with respect to avoiding potential legal peril?
You can visit Dr. Eli’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 324: How To Get What You Want In Bed
A lot of us aren’t getting what we really want in bed. For example, there might be certain positions, activities, or techniques that you prefer or enjoy, but you aren’t quite sure how to ask for them. So in today’s show, we’re going to talk about how to get more of what you want. Some of the topics we’ll explore include practical tips for sharing your sexual desires, tips for introducing a kink or fetish into a relationship, as well as tips for normalizing conversations about sex in general.
I am joined once again by Dr. Elisabeth Gordon. She is a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in sexual health. She maintains a New York City based private practice and is also an educator, speaker, researcher, and writer dedicated to advancing sexual health. She has taught at multiple academic institutions around the world, and is a frequent commentator on sexual health topics in the popular media.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- How do you go about uncovering your sexual likes and dislikes in the first place?
- When is the right time to talk to your partner about trying something new in the bedroom?
- What are some tips for communicating about kinks with a new partner?
- What should you do when you and your partner have different sexual fantasies and desires?
- How can you encourage a partner to share their sexual wants with you?
You can check out Elisabeth’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 323: The Most Common Sex Fights, And How To Solve Them
Sexual conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. It’s virtually impossible for partners to always be erotically in synch with one another at all times over the course of many years together. That’s why everyone fights about sex from time to time. In today’s show, we’re going to explore the most common sexual conflicts that arise in long-term relationships, as well as practical tips on how to solve them.
My guest is Dr. Elisabeth Gordon. She is a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in sexual health. She maintains a New York City based private practice and is also an educator, speaker, researcher, and writer dedicated to advancing sexual health. She has taught at multiple academic institutions around the world, and is a frequent commentator on sexual health topics in the popular media.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What’s the most common sex fight?
- What should you do when one partner wants more sex than the other?
- How do you tell your partner that you want them to initiate sex more often?
- What are some ways to tell your partner that the sex you’re having isn’t meeting your needs?
- How do you deal with a selfish lover?
- What should you do when masturbation and/or porn use become conflict areas in a relationship?
You can check out Elisabeth’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 322: Why Bisexuality Is On The Rise
Today, more people identify as LGBTQ+ than ever before. However, this is largely due to a big increase in the number of persons identifying as bisexual. So in this episode, we’re going to dive into a recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research that investigates the rise in bisexuality over time. We’ll discuss different ways of defining and measuring bisexuality, why women seem more likely to be bisexual than men, and much more.
My guest is Martin Monto, a Professor of Sociology at University of Portland specializing in the intersection between gender, sexuality, and public health, with an additional focus on society’s impact on the natural environment. Monto has an extensive publication record focusing on social aspects of sexuality and the sex industry, including notable publications on sex buyers, webcam users, “hooking up,” and bisexuality.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What are some of the different ways that scientists have defined bisexuality?
- How many people today identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual—and how have these numbers changed over time?
- With the rise in bisexual identification, has there also been a rise in bisexual behavior?
- How do rates of bisexuality differ for older versus younger adults?
- Why might more women identify as bisexual than men?
You can connect with Martin here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest. Heart photo by Jiroe (Matia Rengel) on Unsplash.
Episode 321: Penis Problems, And How To Fix Them
The penis doesn’t always do what you want it to do. For example, sometimes you might want an erection but can’t get one, or maybe you’ll reach orgasm faster than you’d like. These things happen. But when does a penis problem cross the line into becoming a sexual difficulty in need of treatment? That’s what we’re going to be exploring today. We’re going to talk about common male sexual health issues, including how they are clinically defined and treated, as well as tips for maintaining penile health as you age.
I am joined once again by Melissa Hadley Barrett. Melissa is a nurse practitioner and sexologist, and the founder of Restorative Sexual Health Clinic and Restore Men’s Intimate Health. She is also co-founder of The Penis Project Podcast.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What is Peyronie’s disease, and how would someone know if they had it?
- What “counts” as having premature ejaculation?
- How can men last longer in bed?
- What’s the difference between a sexual dysfunction and a sexual disappointment?
- What are some different ways of dealing with erectile dysfunction?
You can check out Melissa’s website and YouTube channel to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 320: What You Don’t Know About The Penis
How much do you know about the penis? You may think you already know everything there is to know, but you probably don’t. That’s why today’s episode is going to dive into what you don’t know about the penis. Some of the topics we’re going to cover include the immense variability that exists in penile sensitivity and sensation, as well as what we know about multiple orgasms in men.
My guest today is Melissa Hadley Barrett. Melissa is a nurse practitioner and sexologist, and the founder of Restorative Sexual Health Clinic and Restore Men’s Intimate Health. She is also co-founder of The Penis Project Podcast.
Some of the questions we explore in this episode include:
- What is the average penis size?
- Why is flaccid penis size not necessarily a reliable predictor of erect size?
- If there aren’t any bones in the penis, can you still break or fracture an erection?
- What are the benefits of using vibrators for men’s sexual health and function?
- How common is it for men to experience erectile dysfunction?
You can check out Melissa’s website and YouTube channel to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 319: The Bogus BDSM Legal Defense
Was it consensual kink or sexual abuse? This question is at the heart of a growing number of legal cases. Unfortunately, people sometimes try to claim consensual kink as a cover for sexual violence, a trend my guest today refers to as “the bogus BDSM defense.” In this show, we’re going to dive into a few recent cases where the bogus BDSM defense has been deployed, as well as the signs that can help us to distinguish between consensual kink and sexual violence.
I am joined once again by Andrea Zanin, author of the new book Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond. They are also co-author of the new edition of the book More than Two. Andrea blogs at sexgeek.wordpress.com, and has authored a book chapter on the bogus BDSM defense.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What does the “bogus BDSM defense” look like?
- Is this defense ever successful in terms of avoiding conviction or leading to a reduced sentence?
- How does the bogus BDSM defense intersect with race and respectability politics?
- How can we prevent people from using claims of consensual kink as a cover for sexual violence?
You can check out Andrea’s website to read more of their work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 318: What Comes After Nonmonogamy?
When people become nonmonogamous, they don’t always stay nonmonogamous for life. Sometimes people decide to take a temporary break from it. Other times, people stop practicing it altogether because it’s just not what they want or need anymore. Maybe they only want to pursue one relationship right now, or perhaps they just want to be single. So what does a post nonmonogamous life look like? That’s what we’re going to be talking about in this episode.
My guest today is Andrea Zanin, author of the new book Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond. They are also co-author of the new edition of the book More than Two. Andrea blogs at sexgeek.wordpress.com, where they created the 10 Rules for Happy Nonmonogamy and coined the term “polynormativity.”
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What does post nonmonogamy look like?
- What are the main reasons people become post-nonmonogamous?
- Is post-nonmonogamy a temporary or permanent state?
- In what ways can post-nonmonogamy be rewarding? In what ways it is challenging?
You can check out Andrea’s website to read more of their work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 317: The Psychology of Consensual Non-Consent Fantasies
A common theme in many people’s sexual fantasies is being “forced” to have sex. In the world of kink, this is widely known as consensual non-consent (CNC). So why is this such a popular sexual interest? In today’s show, we’re going to explore the psychology behind it. We’re also going to delve into some of the political aspects of CNC fantasies and discuss how the growing emphasis on affirmative and enthusiastic consent might paradoxically be making these fantasies more popular than ever.
I am joined once again by Tina Horn, author of the new book Why Are People Into That?: A Cultural Investigation of Kink. This book is based on her long-running podcast of the same name. Tina is also a comic book writer and host of the Wondery phone sex podcast titled Operator.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- What does a CNC fantasy look like?
- What are some reasons people might be into CNC?
- What is the role of fear in sexual arousal?
- Why do people often struggle with feelings of shame around CNC fantasies, and how can they come to terms with it?
You can visit Tina’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 316: Why Are People Into That? The Truth About Fetishes
People have the potential to develop fetishes for virtually anything. If you can think of it, somebody probably has a fetish for it! However, fetishes remain among the most misunderstood and stigmatized sexual interests. So in today’s show, we’re going to dive into the world of fetishes and dispel some common misconceptions about them. We’ll also discuss a new way of thinking about fetishes, as well as tips for how to communicate about fetish interests with a partner.
My guest is Tina Horn, author of the new book Why Are People Into That?: A Cultural Investigation of Kink. This book is based on her long-running podcast of the same name. Tina is also a comic book writer and host of the Wondery phone sex podcast titled Operator.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What is the advantage of thinking about fetishes as “something I have a taste for?”
- Where do fetishes come from?
- How important is it to know where fetishes come from? Does their origin really matter?
- Does having a fetish necessarily involve an exclusive attraction to a specific object?
- How can people incorporate fetishes into their sex lives in a healthy way?
You can visit Tina’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 315: My Partner Has an STI. What Do I Do?
Imagine for a moment that your partner told you they had a sexually transmitted infection. What should (and shouldn’t) you say or do in that situation? That’s what we’re going to be talking about in this episode: tips for navigating a partner’s STI disclosure. Some of the topics we’ll explore include tips for keeping the conversation productive and not perpetuating STI stigma, how to manage a relationship where one partner has an STI and the other doesn’t, and what it means when someone in a long-term relationship suddenly tests positive for an STI.
I am joined once again Dr. Kayley McMahan, a sexual health scholar and educator. She serves as the Relationship and Sexual Violence Prevention Coordinator at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, where she also teaches an undergraduate Human Sexuality class. Kayley recently co-authored a comprehensive review article in the Journal of Sex Research focused on STI disclosure.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- When a parter discloses an STI, how do you keep the conversation positive and productive?
- How do you manage a herpes, HPV, or HIV infection in dating and relationships?
- Does a partner suddenly testing positive for an STI necessarily mean they were cheating?
- Where can people go to learn more about managing and treating STIs?
You can find out more about Kayley here and connect with her on LinkedIn here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 314: How To Tell Your Partner You Have An STI
A lot of people find it hard to talk to their partners about sex in general. But discussing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) specifically can be even more challenging. It is such a fraught topic that many people who have STIs don’t even tell their partners. That’s why I’ve put together a two-part series for you on STI disclosure. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss how to tell your partner you have an STI. In the next episode, we’re going to explore what to do when your partner tells you they have an STI.
My guest today is Dr. Kayley McMahan, a sexual health scholar and educator. She serves as the Relationship and Sexual Violence Prevention Coordinator at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, where she also teaches an undergraduate Human Sexuality class. Kayley recently co-authored a comprehensive review article in the Journal of Sex Research focused on STI disclosure.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- At any given point in time, how many people have an STI?
- How many people who have an STI actually disclose this information?
- What are the main reasons people with STIs don’t tell their partners about their status?
- When is the right time to tell a partner that you have an STI?
- What are some strategies for bringing up the subject of STIs with a partner?
You can find out more about Kayley here and connect with her on LinkedIn here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 313: Ashley Madison – Sex, Lies, and Scandal
“Life is short, have an affair.” That’s the tagline of Ashley Madison, the infamous online dating service that caters to married people who are looking to commit infidelity. Ever since its launch in 2002, it has been the subject of endless controversy, culminating in a widely reported data breech in 2015. A Netflix documentary series titled Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies, and Scandal recently premiered and it is fascinating! In today’s show we’re going to dive into this series and talk all about infidelity, including why so many people cheat in the first place.
I am joined once again by Ashley Weller (who bears no relation to Ashley Madison). She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also has a podcast called What’s your Position that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- How do men’s and women’s reasons for infidelity differ?
- Why are so many people willing to risk everything in order to have an affair?
- What impact did the Ashley Madison hack have on the company and its users?
- Why does Ashley Madison seem more popular than ever despite the hack that destroyed so many people’s lives?
You can find Ashley on Instagram and check out more of her work by visiting her Linktree.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 312: Why MILFs Are More Popular Than Ever
MILFs are having a moment. Sexy moms have been a fixture in the popular media for decades, but they’ve never been more popular than they are now. So what’s behind the appeal of the MILF? And is all of the attention they’re receiving objectifying or empowering to women? Today, we’re going to trace the history of hot moms in the popular media and explore the rise of the MILF. We’re also going to dive into season two of the popular dumpster fire of a television series known as MILF Manor (for a recap of season one, see episodes 223 and 224).
My guest is Ashley Weller, a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also has a podcast called What’s your Position which tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.
Some of the specific topics we cover in this episode include:
- When did our cultural fascination with hot moms begin?
- What are the most common critiques of MILF portrayals in the media?
- How are broader changes in society and the social structure related to the rise in MILF popularity?
- How is season 2 of MILF Manor different from the first?
- How is MILF Manor changing the conversation about MILFs?
You can find Ashley on Instagram and check out more of her work by visiting her Linktree.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 311: The Power of Touch in Relationships
Physical intimacy is one of the keys to maintaining healthy and satisfying relationships. But I’m not just talking about sex. Non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more so! In today’s show, we’re going to explore why touch is so powerful and tips for introducing more touch into your relationships. We’ll also discuss why, paradoxically, intimate partners often retreat from touch at the times they need it the most—and how to deal with this.
I am joined once again by Chris Maxwell Rose and Charlotte Mia Rose, the co-creators of PleasureMechanics.com. They have devoted their lives to generating online resources to support folks in cultivating more erotic pleasure, joy, and connection. They also run a podcast called Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- Why do we need touch, and why are so many of us “touch-starved?”
- How can we open the door to intimate touch when we feel stressed?
- How can lovers experience more affection and physical intimacy in their relationships?
- What are some things that people can do to become better at both giving and receiving touch?
To learn more, sign up for the Pleasure Mechanics Erotic Touch Mastery course.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 310: Tips and Tricks for Better Oral Sex
Most people say that they find oral sex to be a pleasurable activity, but that doesn’t mean that people always enjoy giving or receiving it. A quick search on social media reveals countless posts from people reporting on bad experiences with oral sex, so let’s talk about how to have better oral. In today’s show, we’re going to explore tips and techniques for amazing oral sex. We’ll also discuss what to do if you find yourself getting bored giving oral sex, how to make sixty-nining fun, and so much more.
My guests today are Chris Maxwell Rose and Charlotte Mia Rose, the co-creators of PleasureMechanics.com. They have devoted their lives to generating online resources to support folks in cultivating more erotic pleasure, joy, and connection. They also run a podcast called Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics.
Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:
- Why is the idea that there’s just one perfect recipe for oral sex a myth?
- How do you deal with common roadblocks that interfere with your ability to enjoy performing oral sex, such as boredom or discomfort?
- What are some new positions or approaches that can elevate your oral experiences?
- What should you do if oral sex feels like it has become a duty or obligation instead of something you love to do?
- What are the essential factors that make oral sex great?
To learn more, sign up for the Pleasure Mechanics Oral Sex Mastery course.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 309: What Happens In The Brain During An Orgasm? (Essential Listen)
Did you know that July 31 is National Orgasm Day? That’s right—there’s actually a holiday dedicated to the big O! Unfortunately, we don’t get the day off of work, but we’re going to celebrate anyway. In commemoration of National Orgasm Day’s impending arrival, we’re going to be talking all about orgasms today.
In this show, we’re going to revisit one of my favorite conversations on the topic: my interview with Dr. Barry Komisaruk which originally aired back in 2022. Barry is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at Rutgers University-Newark. He has published more than 180 research articles and has co-authored and edited five books, including “The Science of Orgasm,” which has been published in 7 languages.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How is an orgasm defined scientifically?
- What’s really happening in the brain during an orgasm?
- Do orgasms feel the same or different across genders?
- Why do some people experience orgasms from nipple or other non-genital stimulation?
- Can you teach yourself to have multiple orgasms?
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest
Episode 308: Sex Ed on Social Media – The Good, Bad, and Ugly
Social media is increasingly where people are turning in order to learn about sexual health, from dealing with sex problems to coping with infertility. But is it giving us accurate information? Not so much. In today’s show, we’re going to tackle sexual health misinformation on TikTok and Instagram. We’re going to dive into what the science really says about popular sexual health claims on social media and talk about how to use these platforms in a more mindful way.
I am joined once again by Dr. Justin Dubin, a Urologist who specializes in men’s health at Memorial Healthcare System in South Florida. Dr. Dubin is passionate about men’s health and education and is co-host of the podcast Man Up: A Doctor’s Guide to Men’s Health.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- How can social media be helpful (and harmful) to our sexual health?
- Why do the most popular social media posts often contain the least accurate information?
- What are some common things people get wrong about infertility and sexual dysfunction on social media?
- What is “semen retention” and why is there so much bogus information about it on social media?
- How can we become more informed consumers of social media?
You can learn more about Dr. Dubin’s work here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 307: Testosterone Myth Versus Fact
A growing number of men seem to be in a panic about their testosterone levels. Social media platforms are full of posts from guys who are convinced that they don’t have enough of this hormone in their bodies and that their sex and dating lives are suffering because of it. The result is that more and more men are seeking to boost their testosterone, and companies are eager to cash in on this by selling hormone supplements. But do these guys really have low testosterone in the first place? Are some of them pushing their hormones to dangerous levels? Today’s show is all about what men need to know about testosterone.
My guest is Dr. Justin Dubin, a Urologist who specializes in men’s health at Memorial Healthcare System in South Florida. Dr. Dubin is passionate about men’s health and education with the goal of improving the lives of men and their partners. He co-hosts the podcast Man Up: A Doctor’s Guide to Men’s Health.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What’s fueling all of this anxiety over testosterone levels in men?
- What percentage of men actually have low testosterone?
- Are there any risks of having too much testosterone in the body?
- How can men maintain healthy testosterone levels as they age?
- Is there any truth to the claim that abstaining from masturbation boosts testosterone?
You can find more about Dr. Dubin’s work here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 306: Is It Normal To Fall Asleep During Sex? (Listener Questions)
For today’s show, we’re diving into more listener questions! I’m going to answer two questions that popped up in my podcast voicemail that I thought were really interesting. The first deals with falling asleep during sex and/or foreplay. Is that normal? And what are the reasons why that might happen?
The second question involves whether premature orgasm is something that only men can experience, or if it can happen to women as well. So what does the research say on it? How many women experience this, and is there anything they can do if it’s interfering with their pleasure? Let’s talk about it!
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
Make sure to check out our previous episode where we respond to listener questions as well, which you can find here.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 305: Mastering the Art of Mindful Dating
Stuck in a dating rut? It might be time for a new approach! In today’s show, we’re going to learn how to master the art of mindful dating, which involves taking a more intentional approach to relationship development. We’re going to explore the six pillars of mindful dating and how to put them into practice. We will also discuss tips for cultivating deeper connections and ways to increase your chances of finding lasting happiness.
I am joined once again by Marie Thouin, PhD, a dating and relationship coach and author of the new book What Is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships. Marie is the founder of Love InSight, a mindful dating and relationship coaching practice.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What does it mean to engage in mindful dating?
- Why is it important to clarify your “dating vision” when looking to find a partner?
- How do you build an empowering self-concept, and why is this important to do when dating?
- When using dating apps, what does “mindful swiping” look like?
- How can you learn to communicate in order to connect?
You can check out Marie’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 304: What Is Compersion?
When you take pleasure in your partner’s pleasure or happiness, this is known as compersion. It’s a form of positive empathy that many people in non-monogamous relationships experience. However, some people seem to have an easier time feeling compersion than others. So can it be learned? And should compersion always be a goal in non-monogamy? Let’s talk about it!
My guest is Marie Thouin, PhD, a dating and relationship coach and author of the new book: What Is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships. Marie is the founder of Love InSight, a mindful dating and relationship coaching practice where she supports people of all backgrounds and relational orientations to create intentional and vibrant love lives.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- Why does compersion seem to come easier to some people?
- Does our ability to experience compersion change with age?
- Can you learn how to feel compersion if you’ve never felt it before?
- What are some different approaches to learning compersion?
You can check out Marie’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 303: Common Things We Get Wrong About Sex (Essential Listen)
It turns out that many of the things we think we know about sex aren’t entirely true. So let’s set the record straight and explore what we do and don’t know about sex and the human body.
For today’s show, we’re revisiting one of my favorite conversations of all time, my interview with Dr. Lisa Dawn Hamilton that originally aired back in episode 53. Dr. Hamilton is an associate professor of Psychology at Mount Allison University in Sackville and host of the podcast “Do We Know Things?”
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What do we actually know about the G-spot?
- Do we know what the average penis size really is?
- Does peeing after sex actually prevent UTIs?
- Does pubic hair grooming affect STI risk?
- Can men have multiple orgasms too?
To learn more about Lisa Dawn and her work, visit doweknowthings.com.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 302: The Psychology Behind Attraction To Monsters
From the vampires and werewolves in Twilight to Bigfoot to the beast from Beauty and the Beast, it turns out that a lot of people are turned on by the idea of getting it on with a monster. But why is that? Where do these attractions come from in the first place? In this episode, we’re going to explore the rich psychology that helps to explain why monstrous, mythical, and scary creatures can sometimes become turn-ons.
I am joined once again by Ella Gallego, a researcher, writer, and the founder of the Monstrous Desire Study. The study examines the cultural history of erotic monsters around the globe based on research data from over 2,200 respondents. Ella was my guest in the previous episode, in which we explored people’s biggest monster crushes.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What physical or other attributes of monsters do people find arousing?
- To what extent do monster fantasies overlap with interest in kink and BDSM?
- What is the role of fear in sexual arousal?
- Why do monster fantasies seem to be particularly appealing to women and LGBTQ+ folks?
- How important is it for us to understand where our sexual fantasies come from?
You can check out Ella’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 301: Monsters With Serious Sex Appeal
When I studied the sex fantasies of thousands of Americans for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that 33% of adults had fantasized about a monster or mythical creature before, such as a vampire, werewolf, or demon. Clearly, some people find monsters to be seriously sexy. So why is that? I have a two-part series for you on monstrous desire. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about who people’s biggest monster crushes are and explore the history of sexy monsters in the media. In the next episode, we’re going to get into the psychology behind attraction to monsters.
My guest is Ella Gallego, a researcher, writer, and the founder of the Monstrous Desire Study. The study examines the cultural history of erotic monsters around the globe and presents research data from over 2,200 respondents.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What does it mean to be a “monster f*cker?”
- How long have people been attracted to monsters?
- Which specific monsters are people into?
- Why are monsters often depicted in the media in erotic ways?
You can check out Ella’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 300: Let’s Talk About Penis Pumps!
Sex toys and sexual wellness products for men have long been stigmatized, but it’s time to change that. There are numerous products on the market that have the potential to help men improve their sexual health and performance, and that includes penis pumps! In today’s episode, we’re going to do a deep dive into these devices. We’ll talk about how penis pumps can help in terms of improving sexual self-confidence and erectile health, how to use them correctly and safely, whether they can make your penis bigger, and more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Lance Frank, a pelvic health physical therapist who runs Flex PT ATL in Midtown, Atlanta. His practice focuses on providing services to patients managing sexual health and intimacy concerns, pelvic pain, and urinary or bowel dysfunction. He also talks extensively about men’s pelvic health on social media, and you can follow him at @lanceinyourpants.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What is a penis pump anyway, and how does it work?
- What are the benefits of using these devices?
- Compared to other erectile enhancers (e.g., medications, cock rings), what are the advantages of a pump?
- What are best practices for using a penis pump?
- What should someone consider when purchasing a pump?
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 299: Let’s Talk With a Pelvic Doc
In recent years, the pelvic floor is a topic that has received increased attention in the popular media. However, discussions of pelvic health tend to focus mostly on women. Male pelvic health is important for us to talk about, too, so that’s what we’re going to be discussing today. In this show, we’re going to speak with a pelvic doc for the lowdown on why we need to pay attention to male pelvic health. We’re also going to do a deep dive into Kegel exercises for men.
My guest is Dr. Lance Frank, a pelvic health physical therapist who runs Flex PT ATL in Midtown, Atlanta. His practice focuses on providing services to patients managing sexual health and intimacy concerns, pelvic pain, and urinary or bowel dysfunction. He also talks extensively about men’s pelvic health on social media, and you can follow him at @lanceinyourpants.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What is a pelvic health physical therapist?
- What’s so important about male pelvic health?
- What are the potential benefits (and risks) of Kegel exercises for men?
- How do you know whether Kegel exercises are right for you?
- How do men need to think differently about their pelvic health?
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 298: The Keys To Good Sex, According To A Sex Therapist
When it comes to having sex, there are a lot of “rules” that what we’re supposed to follow. But many of those rules contradict one another, making it hard to know what to do. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss whether we should even be following the “rules” of sex in the first place. We’re also going to explore how to increase your sexual self-understanding, as well as tips for having better sex.
I am joined once again by Todd Baratz, a licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist with an innovative approach to mental health and relationships. He runs the popular social media account @yourdiagnonsense and is author of the new book How To Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What are the six keys to good sex?
- What does it mean to approach sex as a performance, and how can we avoid this?
- Why is it actually a good thing to be a little bit selfish when it comes to sex?
- How can we learn to better assert our sexual desires and communicate boundaries?
You can visit Todd’s website to learn more about him and his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 297: How To Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind
A lot of the relationship advice littering every corner of the internet tries to distill love into a simple set of “rules.” It’d be nice if things were that easy, but they aren’t! It’s time to ditch the so-called “rules” of relationships because they might be getting in the way of our ability to find love. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how to approach relationships in a way that’s more likely to lead to lasting happiness, and how we can do it without losing our minds.
My guest is Todd Baratz, a licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist with an innovative approach to mental health and relationships. He runs the popular social media account @yourdiagnonsense and is author of the new book How To Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- What are some examples of really bad relationship advice?
- When is relationship self-help actually helpful, and when is if harmful?
- Are our expectations for relationships today unrealistic?
- Are there any universal “rules” for healthy relationships?
You can visit Todd’s website to learn more about him and his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 296: How to Have Pleasurable Anal Sex
Anal sex (and how to make it pleasurable) is one of those topics that people usually have to figure out all on their own. So think of today’s episode as the all-you-need-to-know guide to good anal sex. Some of the topics we’ll explore include what you need to know about anal douching, how to choose the right lube, tips for preparing and relaxing so that you can experience pleasure instead of pain, and more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Evan Goldstein, who is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a leading private practice specializing in an elite standard of sexual health and wellness care for the gay community. He is also co-founder of the sexual wellness brand Future Method and author of the new book Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- How can paying attention to diet and nutrition help pave the way for more pleasurable anal sex?
- What do people need to know about anal douching in order to optimize health and pleasure?
- Why is dilating an important part of preparation before anal sex?
- What are the best kinds of lube for anal sex?
- What are some good beginner tips and techniques for penetration?
You can visit Evan’s website to learn more about him and his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 295: Common Myths About Anal Sex, Debunked
Anal sex is something humans have been practicing for thousands of years. However, is has long been shrouded in taboos, which has led to the proliferation of a lot of myths and misconceptions. In today’s show, we’ll be discussing common things people get wrong about anal sex. Some of the topics we’ll explore include the myth of anal sex as “gay sex,” whether there’s any truth to the stereotype that anal sex roles correspond to power and gender roles, and whether there’s any truth to claims that anal sex causes long-term damage to the body.
My guest is Dr. Evan Goldstein, who is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a leading private practice specializing in an elite standard of sexual health and wellness care for the gay community. He is also co-founder of the sexual wellness brand Future Method and author of the new book Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- Why is psychology an important aspect of pleasurable anal sex?
- Who is having anal sex?
- How risky is anal sex?
- Is receptive anal sex necessarily a “submissive” activity?
- What are the biggest things people get wrong about anal sex?
You can visit Evan’s website to learn more about him and his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 294: The Science of Self-Pleasure (Essential Listen)
It’s Masturbation Month, so today’s episode is going to be all about self-pleasure! The origins of Masturbation Month date back to 1995, when US Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders stated that masturbation is a natural part of human sexuality and something that should perhaps be taught in sex ed. Elders’ comments set off a political firestorm that ultimately led to her being fired. To mark her unjust dismissal, May 14 was declared National Masturbation Day, which was later expanded to include the entire month of May.
For this show, we’re revisiting some of my favorite clips on the history and science of self-pleasure. My guests include Dr. Eric Sprankle, Marie Aoyama from TENGA, professor Carole Hooven, urologist Joshua Gonzalez, sleep researcher Michele Lastella, and sex therapist Emily Jamea.
Some of the questions this fascinating group of folks addresses for us include:
- How have views on masturbation changed over time?
- What do people fantasize about when they masturbate?
- Does abstaining from masturbation boost testosterone?
- Can avoiding sex and masturbation actually increase athletic performance?
- How can we have a healthier relationship with self-pleasure?
- Can masturbation help us to fall asleep faster?
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s only FDA regulated hydropump and it provides a discreet and effective way to exercise an area of the body that’s neglected in the gym. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 293: Listener Sex and Relationship Questions, Answered
For today’s show, we’re diving into listener questions! I’m going to answer two questions that popped up in my podcast voicemail that I thought were really interesting. The first deals with sensory changes that happen upon reaching orgasm. It seems that some people experience temporary sensory disruptions following climax, including changes in hearing and vision. What’s that all about?
The second question involves what to do if you really want to have casual sex, but you seem to struggle with it because you always end up getting too attached. Is there anything you can do about that? Let’s talk about it!
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 292: Psychology Doesn’t Know What To Do With Men Anymore
Modern psychology has a very complicated relationship with gender. Gender differences have become one of the most contentious areas in the field, and it seems like psychology isn’t entirely sure what to do with men anymore. This is especially true for heterosexual men, who are often viewed through a pathological lens. So in today’s show, we’re going to dive into some controversy. Some of the topics we’ll discuss include why men are often blamed for their own sexual problems, why it’s important to acknowledge gender differences in communication styles, and more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Stephen Snyder, an AASECT certified sex therapist, relationship therapist, and sexual medicine specialist. Dr. Snyder is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City and author of the book LOVE WORTH MAKING: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship.
Some of the questions we address include:
- How have the dynamics of heterosexual relationships changed over time?
- Why does the field of sex therapy have such a complicated relationship with men and male sexuality?
- What are some of the key differences in sexual psychology that are important for people to understand?
You can learn more about Stephen and his work on his website here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s best-selling penis pump, with over one million satisfied customers. The benefits of using Xersizer include improved erection quality, more staying power, and more intense orgasms. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 291: A New Way Of Thinking About Sex
A lot of sex advice boils down to one popular idea: that good sex is simply a matter of combining the right physical sensations with the right kind of mental activity. In other words, great sex is just friction plus fantasy. However, it’s more complicated than that. To have really great sex, we need to start by understanding the true nature of the sexual self. In today’s show, we’re going to explore a new way of thinking about sex, as well as discuss what you really need to know when it comes to having sex that’s truly worth having.
My guest is Dr. Stephen Snyder, an AASECT certified sex therapist, relationship therapist, and sexual medicine specialist. Dr. Snyder is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City and author of the book LOVE WORTH MAKING: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship.
Some of the questions we address in this episode include:
- What’s the problem with the “friction plus fantasy” narrative?
- How can understanding the sexual self as “infantile” help us find inspiration in long-term sexual relationships?
- What is “simmering,” and what’s the benefit of learning how to do it?
- Why might it be bad to view sex as work?
- How can you develop sexual connections that last over time?
You can learn more about Dr. Snyder and his work on his website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 290: How To Have Hot And Healthy Sex For Your Entire Life
Sex is something that evolves with us over the course of our lives. Your level of desire, the connection you have with your partner(s), and what feels good during sex can all shift quite a lot. However, despite all of these ways that sex tends to change, most of us are expecting that it will stay the same, and that’s where problems arise. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how to adapt to and embrace sexual change so that you can have hot and healthy sex for your entire life.
I am joined once again by Kate Moyle, a psychosexual and relationship therapist based in the United Kingdom. She runs the Sexual Wellness Sessions Podcast, and is author of the new book The Science of Sex: Every Question About Your Sex Life Answered.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
- How can we maintain a sense of sexual curiosity over time?
- What is sexual currency? Why is this concept important for understanding how to maintain a lasting sexual connection?
- How can taking a pause from sex provide an opportunity to reboot and reset your sex life?
- How do you build up sexual self-confidence following a breakup?
- How can we prioritize and maintain lifelong sexual well-being?
You can learn more about Kate’s work by visiting her website here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Xersizer is the world’s best-selling penis pump, with over one million satisfied customers. The benefits of using Xersizer include improved erection quality, more staying power, and more intense orgasms. To learn more and get a 20% discount off of your purchase, visit xersizer.com/SAP
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 289: Popular Sex Questions, Answered By A Sex Therapist
Most sexual problems don’t require intensive therapy to solve because, more often than not, the root cause is a lack of sex education. Most of us never really learned what we need to know about sex or about our own bodies, which makes it all to easy for us to think that there might be something wrong with us when there really isn’t. So in today’s episode, we’re going to be answering some of the most common questions people have about sex.
My guest is Kate Moyle, a psychosexual and relationship therapist based in the United Kingdom. She runs the Sexual Wellness Sessions Podcast, and is author of the new book The Science of Sex: Every Question About Your Sex Life Answered.
Some of the specific questions we dive into include:
- What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy?
- How do I know if I’m having “enough” sex?
- What’s the best time of the day to have sex?
- Do aphrodisiacs really work?
You can learn more about Kate’s work by visiting her website here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 288: What You Don’t Know About STIs (Essential Listen)
It’s STI Awareness Month, so let’s take some time to brush up on our knowledge of sexually transmitted infections. You may think you already know everything there is to know, but trust me, you don’t! In today’s show, we’re going to discuss some surprising and lesser-known facts about STIs that challenge the conventional wisdom. For example, is someone who has a larger number of sexual partners necessarily more likely to have an STI than someone with fewer partners? Likewise, are things like pubic hair grooming and the rise of online dating apps affecting STI rates?
For this show, we’re revisiting my conversation with Dr. Ina Park from all the way back in episode 39. She is an associate professor at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine and author of the book Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs.
- Why is it the case that having more sexual partners doesn’t necessarily translate to having more STIs?
- Broadly speaking, how do some of our sexual practices shape STIs?
- What’s the relationship between pubic hair grooming and STIs?
- What are some tips for individuals who want to talk about STIs with a sexual and/or romantic partner?
- How can we break down STI taboo and stigma to facilitate more open conversations on the subject?
You can learn more about Ina’s work here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 287: Ethical and Legal Issues in Psychedelic Therapy
In the previous episode, we talked all about how psychedelics can help in treating sexual problems. In this episode, we’re going to dive into the ethical and legal considerations of psychedelic-assisted sex therapy. For example, how does consent work when patients are under the influence of a psychedelic drug? Likewise, how do therapists maintain appropriate ethical boundaries when working with clients who are in an altered and potentially vulnerable state?
I am joined once again by is Jeff Lundgren, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and a psychedelic-assisted therapy provider. He runs a private practice based in Salt Lake City, Utah and is author of the new book “Unfolding Eros: A Journey into Psychedelic-Assisted Sex Therapy.”
Some of the specific questions we address this episode include:
- What kinds of safeguards do practitioners need to be thinking about in order to minimize the risk of harm when someone is undergoing psychedelic-assisted therapy?
- What do people need to know about the potential side effects and health risks of psychedelic substances?
- What is the current legal landscape for psychedelic-assisted sex therapy?
- How do laws need to change in order to accommodate the practice of psychedelic therapy?
- What should you look for in a provider, and what are some red flags to watch out for?
Check out Jeff’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 286: Using Psychedelics In Sex Therapy
We’ve long known that psychedelics have the potential to help treat various mental health issues, but researchers are starting to take notice of the potential therapeutic applications of these drugs for dealing with sexual difficulties. So in today’s show, we’re going to dive into the small but growing world of psychedelic-assisted sex therapy. Some of the topics we’re going to discuss include how psychedelics can put us in the right state of mind for enjoying great sex, which psychedelics have the most promising applications for treating sexual difficulties, and what psychedelic-assisted sex therapy actually looks like.
My guest is Jeff Lundgren, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and a psychedelic-assisted therapy provider. He runs a private practice based in Salt Lake City, Utah and he is author of the new book “Unfolding Eros: A Journey into Psychedelic-Assisted Sex Therapy.”
Some of the specific questions we discuss include:
- What is a psychedelic anyway?
- How can psychedelics help create a feeling of presence during sex?
- What kinds of sexual problems have the greatest potential to be helped through the use of psychedelics?
- Does cannabis have the same therapeutic potential as psychedelics?
- What kinds of questions should someone think about before considering psychedelic-assisted sex therapy?
Check out Jeff’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 285: Ethical Gangbangs – Filming A Group Sex Scene
The term “ethical gangbang” probably sounds like an oxymoron to a lot of folks. Can a gangbang really be ethical? Let’s talk about it! In today’s show, I’m speaking with a porn director whose latest film features an ethical gangbang. Some of the topics we’ll dive into include how things like consent and safety are managed when filming a group sex scene, the difference between objectification and empowerment in adult films, and how consumers can identify ethical erotic content.
I am joined once again by Erika Lust, an award-winning indie erotic filmmaker who creates sex-positive adult cinema by portraying relatable characters and realistic hot sex. Over the past 20 years, Erika has directed 6 feature films and series and over 130 short films. In 2015, Erika gave her a popular TEDx talk titled ‘It’s Time for Porn to Change‘.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What does the term “ethical porn” mean?
- What does an “ethical gangbang” look like?
- How are consent and boundaries maintained when shooting complex group scenes?
- How does a scene look or feel different when it’s empowering as opposed to when it’s objectifying?
- What should consumers look for if they want to support ethical porn?
- How are growing legal restrictions on porn shaping the industry?
You can check out Erika’s films here, and use the code “SEXANDPSYCH” for a 30% discount on the site’s content.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 284: Sex On Screen – How Erotic Cinema Is Made
What goes on behind the scenes when porn is filmed? In today’s show, I’m going to be speaking with a director who has decades of experience creating adult films. We’re going to explore how she got into the business, her approach to making erotic cinema, and what she does to ensure the comfort and safety of performers. She is a pioneer in creating ethical and feminist porn, so we’re also going to talk about how her work has changed the landscape for adult films.
My guest is Erika Lust, an award-winning indie erotic filmmaker who creates sex-positive adult cinema by portraying relatable characters and realistic hot sex. Over the past 20 years, Erika has directed 6 feature films and series and over 130 short films. In 2015, Erika gave a popular TEDx talk titled ‘It’s Time for Porn to Change‘.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What do both Hollywood and porn get wrong when to comes to depicting sex on screen?
- How is Erika’s approach to making adult films different from what people might be used to seeing in porn?
- What kind of reaction has ethical and feminist porn received from the broader male-dominated porn industry?
- What has changed in the world of porn in the last two decades?
You can check out Erika’s films here, and use the code “SEXANDPSYCH” for a 30% discount on the site’s content.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 283: Don’t Let Your Job Ruin Your Sex Life
Do you feel like work is getting in the way of your sex life? If so, you’re definitely not alone. Work can leave us tired or exhausted, heavily stressed, and highly distracted, which is a recipe for sexual problems. Maybe it’s time to set some boundaries? In today’s show, we’re going to talk all about the negative ways in which work can interfere with sex, why this happens, and how we can prevent it. We’re also going to talk about how to make sex a priority in your life so that you can harness the stress-relieving benefits of it.
I am joined once again by Amanda Jepson, a Licensed Professional Counselor and ASSECT-Certified Sex Therapist. She is one of the co-founders of the non-profit Respark Foundation, a Clinical Therapist at the University of Colorado-Colorado Springs Veterans Health and Trauma Clinic, and a lecturer for the University of Colorado-Denver.
Some of the specific questions we explore in this episode include:
- How can work-related stress interfere with sexual desire, arousal, and function?
- If you have a particularly high-stress job, what can you do to get your sex life back on track?
- What does work-life balance really look like, and is it realistic to attain?
- How can engaging in sex more often help us to deal with stress?
- What are some ways we can prioritize sex in our lives?
To learn more about the Respark Foundation, you can click here to visit their website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 282: Healing And Moving Beyond Sexual Trauma
Seventy percent of adults have experienced one or more traumatic events in their lifetime, with sexual trauma being among the most common forms. There’s a popular narrative in the media that trauma fundamentally changes our bodies and brains, which can give the impression that trauma never resolves. However, there is hope. On today’s show, we’re going to discuss how to heal and move beyond sexual trauma. We’ll also talk about tips for navigating relationships when one partner has a history of trauma.
My guest is Amanda Jepson, a Licensed Professional Counselor and ASSECT-Certified Sex Therapist. She is one of the co-founders of the non-profit Respark Foundation, a Clinical Therapist at the University of Colorado-Colorado Springs Veterans Health and Trauma Clinic, and a lecturer for the University of Colorado-Denver.
Some of the specific questions we explore in this episode include:
- What does the term “sexual trauma” mean in a clinical context?
- What are some of the most common impacts of sexual trauma?
- How can individuals who have experienced trauma learn to reconnect with their bodies?
- What kinds of treatments do sex therapists use in cases of sexual trauma?
- How do you bring up the topic of trauma with a romantic partner?
- How can you be a supportive partner to someone with a history of trauma?
To learn more about the Respark Foundation, you can click here to visit their website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 281: Tips For Navigating Non-Monogamy
Interest in non-monogamy is on the rise, with nationally representative US surveys now finding that approximately one-third of American adults say their ideal relationship would be sexually open. But if you want to give this a try, what do you need to know? In today’s show, we’ll explore the questions to ask yourself before opening up, as well as common issues that arise in multi-partner relationships and how to deal with them.
My guest is Shamyra Howard, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She founded On The Green Couch, where she helps people manage sexual issues, create their best relationships, and have amazing sex. She is the resident Sex and Relationship Expert on the Peacock series Couple to Throuple.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Whether you’re currently single or in a relationship, what do you need to know before you start exploring non-monogamy?
- How do you set boundaries in multi-partner relationships?
- What can you do if jealousy pops up?
- If you’re practicing polyamory, how do you know when you’ve reached your saturation point?
- What is “new relationship energy,” and how do you prevent it from becoming an issue?
- What are some common red flags in poly and open relationships?
Make sure to check out Shamyra’s website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @sexologistshamyra.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 280: From Couple to Throuple
Most reality dating shows follow the same formula in that they’re fundamentally about two people finding love and building a couple relationship. However, the new series Couple to Throuple offers a unique twist: viewers follow a group of queer, open-minded couples who are interested in expanding their relationships by bringing a third partner into the mix. This show has sparked a wide range of reactions among viewers, both positive and negative. So let’s talk about it!
My guest is Shamyra Howard, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She founded On The Green Couch, where she helps people manage sexual issues, create their best relationships, and have amazing sex. She is the resident Sex and Relationship Expert on the Peacock series Couple to Throuple.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- In what ways is this show different from anything else that has come before?
- What is the role of a sex and relationship expert on a show like this?
- What were some of the biggest issues that came up as couples explored what it might look like to be a throuple?
- Does this show offer an accurate depiction of polyamory?
- How can a show like Couple to Throuple contribute to broader conversations about relationship diversity and polyamory?
Make sure to check out Shamyra’s website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @sexologistshamyra.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
MailMyMeds is an online service that allows Americans to access prescription and affordable medication delivery services. They allow men experiencing ED to be reviewed for erectile dysfunction medication prescriptions. To learn more, visit mailmymeds.com
Flure Dating App: Explore & Own Your Desires – https://flure.com
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 279: Living With Uncontrollable Genital Arousal
Imagine that your genitals were in a constant, uncontrollable state of arousal. You might be thinking that doesn’t sound too bad, but you’d be mistaken. Persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) is a highly distressing condition. People who have it live with unwanted arousal that doesn’t bring pleasure, and there’s almost no relief from it. This makes it difficult, if not impossible, to concentrate, work, and sleep. In this episode, we’re going to dive into what we know about PGAD, including how common it is, what causes it, and how it’s treated.
I am joined once again by Sue W. Goldstein, an AASECT certified Sexuality Educator and Clinical Research Manager at San Diego Sexual Medicine. Ms. Goldstein co-authored the book When Sex Isn’t Good to provide education and empowerment to women with sexual dysfunction.
Some of the questions we explore in this episode include:
- What does PGAD look like in everyday life?
- What kind of effects does this have on people?
- How long have we known about PGAD, and how common is it?
- What causes uncontrollable genital arousal?
- Are there any treatments that work?
To learn more about women’s sexual health issues, check out Sue’s book here and visit Vella Biosciences.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 278: Sexual Dysfunction After Stopping Antidepressants
Antidepressants are notorious for their sexual side effects, including diminished sexual desire and difficulties with arousal and orgasm. It was long thought that these side effects were temporary; however, a growing number of people are reporting persistent sexual difficulties after discontinuing the medication, known as Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD). In today’s show, we’re going to discuss what we know about PSSD, including how common it is, what causes it, and what we can do about it.
I am joined by Sue W. Goldstein, an AASECT certified Sexuality Educator and Clinical Research Manager at San Diego Sexual Medicine. Ms. Goldstein co-authored the book When Sex Isn’t Good to provide education and empowerment to women with sexual dysfunction.
Some of the questions we explore in this episode include:
- How many people experience sexual side effects from antidepressants?
- What are the most common symptoms of PSSD?
- Is PSSD a formal medical diagnosis?
- Why is PSSD controversial?
- Are there any gender differences in PSSD?
- Why might SSRIs can cause long-term sexual dysfunction?
To learn more about women’s sexual health issues, check out Sue’s book here and visit Vella Biosciences.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Factor’s delicious, ready-to-eat meals make eating better every day easy! No matter your schedule for the week, be ready with pre-prepared, chef-crafted and dietician approved meals delivered right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/sexandpsych50 and use code sexandpsych50 to get 50% off your order.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 277: What People Want From Relationships Today
In the not too distant past, most people followed the same relationship model and settled down into monogamous marriages pretty early in life. Today, however, people are spending more and more of their adult lives single, fewer are opting to marry at all, and those who do are waiting much longer to tie the knot. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into the modern sexual landscape and look at what people really want from relationships, including their attitudes toward casual sex, monogamy, non-monogamy, and infidelity.
I am joined once again by Tina Fetner, a professor of sociology at McMaster University. She is the author of the new book Sex in Canada: The Who, Why, When, and How of Getting Down Up North.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How much has the marriage rate changed over time?
- Why are adults staying single for longer periods of time?
- If most singles want relationships, why does everyone seem to think that they don’t want them?
- Why are young folks increasingly concerned with telling a partner that they want to be exclusive?
- How many people in relationships are practicing monogamy vs consensual non-monogamy?
Make sure to check out Tina’s website to learn more and follow her on Instagram @tinafetner.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Learn to make time for what makes you happy. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH today to get 10% off your first month.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 276: How Much Sex Are People Having?
Some of the most common sex questions I’ve received from listeners over the years include, “Am I having enough sex?” and “Am I masturbating too much?” While people are often very interested in how their sex life stacks up, the truth of the matter is that comparing yourself to other people can lead us astray because “normal” doesn’t mean just one thing when it comes to sex. In this episode, we’re going to explore diversity and variability in sexual behavior frequency.
My guest is Tina Fetner, a professor of sociology at McMaster University. She is the author of the new book Sex in Canada: The Who, Why, When, and How of Getting Down Up North.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What percentage of adults engage in masturbation? How many have never done it?
- How many people had sex in the last year? How often do people usually have sex?
- Who has more sex: people who are single or married?
- Why are there more adult virgins today than there used to be?
Make sure to check out Tina’s website to learn more and follow her on Instagram @tinafetner.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
MailMyMeds is an online service that allows Americans to access prescription and affordable medication delivery services. They allow men experiencing ED to be reviewed for erectile dysfunction medication prescriptions. To learn more, visit mailmymeds.com
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. Connect with your partner every day using Paired. A happier relationship starts here!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 275: Masturbation Fact Versus Fiction
If you start scrolling through Instagram or TikTok, it’s only a matter of time before you’ll come across some anti-masturbation content. You’re likely to hear that masturbation is bad for your health, that it’s addictive, and that you should just say no to self-pleasure. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into what the science says about popular claims regarding the health benefits of semen retention, whether abstaining from masturbation actually boosts testosterone, whether you can really become “addicted” to masturbating, and so much more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Eric Sprankle, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He’s also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist affiliated with the Minnesota Sexual Health Institute. His latest book is titled, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How (and why) have social media influences brought the idea of semen retention to the masses?
- Are there actually any health benefits to abstaining from ejaculation?
- Is an orgasm obtained from self-pleasure really any different from an orgasm obtained through partnered sex?
- Can women really become “addicted” to their vibrators?
- Is there an objective standard for what constitutes “too much” masturbation?
Make sure to check out Eric’s website to learn more and follow him on the socials @drsprankle.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Private Internet Access VPN is the world’s most transparent VPN provider. They let you stay private online by hiding your IP address and encrypting your internet connection. Head over to PIAVPN.com/SexAndPsychology and get an 83% discount! That’s just $2.03/month and you get 4 extra months completely free.
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 274: The Wacky History of Masturbation
Human beings have a long and complicated history with masturbation. Although it was originally pursued without care or consequence, self-pleasure eventually came to be seen as a pathway to disease and one of the gravest sins you could commit. In today’s show, we’re going to explore the wacky history of masturbation, which is a timely topic because we’re currently in the midst of a social media fueled war on self-pleasure.
I am joined by Dr. Eric Sprankle, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He’s also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist affiliated with the Minnesota Sexual Health Institute. His latest book is titled, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Where did the idea of masturbation as a sinful activity originate?
- What are some of the ways religious leaders have tried to discourage self-pleasure over the years?
- When did masturbation start to become a public health concern, and why?
- Why does self-pleasure continue to be a controversial topic to this day?
- How has the rise of social media coincided with a rise in negative views on masturbation?
Make sure to check out Eric’s website to learn more and follow him on the socials @drsprankle.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
MailMyMeds is an online service that allows Americans to access prescription and affordable medication delivery services. They allow men experiencing ED to be reviewed for erectile dysfunction medication prescriptions. To learn more, visit mailmymeds.com
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 273: How To Have Good Casual Sex
People today are having less sex compared to generations past, but a greater proportion of the sex we’re having is casual. However, casual sex is something people have a lot of mixed experiences with, which points to a need for better education around it. So that’s what today’s show is all about. We’re going to explore how to set boundaries in casual relationships, the kinds of boundaries that are worth considering, the questions you should be asking yourself before you have casual sex, how to avoid awkwardness, and more.
I am joined once again by Gabrielle Kassel. She is a sex and wellness journalist committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. Her work has appeared in publications such as Men’s Health, Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Self, Women’s Health, and more!
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does it really mean to have “casual” sex anyway?
- What are the potential positive and negatives of casual sex?
- How do you know if casual sex is right for you?
- How do you establish boundaries with a partner you don’t know very well?
- What might a good model for communicating and maintaining sexual health look like if you’re in a casual relationship?
- How do you prevent drama in casual relationships?
Make sure to check out Gabrielle’s website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Flure Dating App: Explore & Own Your Desires – https://flure.com
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 272: How To Pick The Sex Toy That’s Right For You
There are literally tens of thousands of different sex toys out there to choose from, so how do you pick the toy that’s right for you? In today’s show, we’re going to talk about where to start when it comes to selecting adult toys and pleasure products, what to look for in terms of optimizing your own health and pleasure, whether it’s worth splurging on luxury toys, and so much more.
My guest is Gabrielle Kassel. She is a sex and wellness journalist committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. Her work has appeared in publications such as Men’s Health, Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Self, Women’s Health, and more!
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Why is lube a great starting place for exploring toys?
- What should people be looking for when it comes to buying a lube that’s going to work for them?
- What are the different materials that are used to make sex toys, and what should you be looking for?
- If you’re new to buying vibrators, masturbation sleeves, or anal toys, what do you need to know for picking a good one?
- Are luxury sex toys worth it?
Make sure to check out Gabrielle’s website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
MailMyMeds is an online service that allows Americans to access prescription and affordable medication delivery services. They allow men experiencing ED to be reviewed for erectile dysfunction medication prescriptions. To learn more, visit mailmymeds.com
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 271: How To Fix Common Sex Problems
What are men’s and women’s most common sexual problems? And what can we do to address them? That’s what we’re going to be talking about on today’s show. I’m going to pick a urologist’s brain about the biggest sexual difficulties that she sees in her office and what her approach is to helping patients resolve them. Topics we’ll explore include premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, painful sex, and difficulty reaching orgasm.
I am joined once again by Dr. Fenwa Milhouse, a board-certified, fellowship-trained urologist. Dr. Milhouse practices in Chicago, IL and treats a wide range of adults with sexual difficulties and sexual health concerns. She currently sits on the board of the Chicago Urological Society, and is widely known in the media as “Your Favorite Urologist.” Dr. Milhouse is the star of TLC network’s Dr. Down Below.
Some of the questions we discuss include:
- What would be a sign that someone needs to see a urologist for a sexual difficulty as opposed to another doctor or specialist?
- How can men delay orgasm and increase sexual stamina?
- What are some ways to improve erectile function to reduce the risk of erectile difficulties developing?
- What are some of the most common reasons for painful sex, and what are some potential ways of addressing them?
- What can you do if you seem to have a hard time reaching orgasm?
Make sure to check out Fenwa’s website to learn more and follow her on IG at @DrMilhouse.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Factor’s delicious, ready-to-eat meals make eating better every day easy! No matter your schedule for the week, be ready with pre-prepared, chef-crafted and dietician approved meals delivered right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/sexandpsych50 and use code sexandpsych50 to get 50% off your order.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 270: Penis Enlargement – What Does (And Doesn’t) Work
One of men’s biggest sexual concerns is whether their penis is big enough. In fact, nearly half of adult men report dissatisfaction with their size, almost all of whom wish they were larger. This has led a growing number of men to explore what they can do to make their penises bigger, and an entire industry has popped up hoping to capitalize on this. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the many and varied approaches to penile augmentation, including which ones are supported by the science and the potential risks and rewards.
My guest is Dr. Fenwa Milhouse, a board-certified, fellowship-trained urologist. Dr. Milhouse practices in Chicago, IL and treats a wide range of adults with sexual difficulties and sexual health concerns. She currently sits on the board of the Chicago Urological Society, and is widely known in the media as “Your Favorite Urologist.” Dr. Milhouse is the star of TLC network’s Dr. Down Below.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Do any of the pills that promise to make your penis bigger actually work?
- Is there any benefit to penile stretching?
- How can penis rings and pumps help men who are worried about their size?
- Can dermal filler help to increase penis size? How does it work?
- If you’re concerned about your penis size, what do you really need to know?
Make sure to check out Fenwa’s website to learn more and follow her on IG at @DrMilhouse.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. Connect with your partner every day using Paired. A happier relationship starts here!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 269: The Keys to a Pleasure-Filled Life
Most of us could benefit from having a little more pleasure in our lives, both in and out of the bedroom. However, we’re not getting that pleasure for many reasons, including the fact that we lead busy lives and just struggle to find time for it. So it’s time to change our mindset around pleasure and to start making it a priority. My guest today likes to say that you should do something that brings you pleasure everyday, so we’re going to explore how to do that.
I am joined once again by award-winning sexuality educator Dr. Shemeka Thorpe. She is an assistant professor of health promotion at the University of Kentucky. Dr. Thorpe has published over 50 peer-reviewed articles and her work has been featured extensively in the media. In 2023, Buzzfeed listed her as one of the top 20 Black sexologists you should follow.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What is pleasure? What are the benefits of seeking pleasure beyond just feeling good?
- How can we start to shift our mindset around pleasure and start to prioritize it without feeling guilty?
- What are ways to be more present during moments of pleasure so that we can really enjoy them?
- How can we have more pleasurable sex?
Make sure to check out Dr. Shemeka’s website to learn more about her work and follow her on Instagram at @DrShemeka.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Flure Dating App: Explore & Own Your Desires – https://flure.com
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 268: Sex-Positive Sexuality Research
A surprising amount of sexuality research isn’t very sex-positive, and this is especially true when you look at sex research on minority populations. Historically, most of it has been focused on risks, such as STIs, unintended pregnancies, or risky sexual practices. While there’s certainly value to that work, when it becomes the predominant focus, it really inhibits our understanding of diverse people and sexualities. In today’s show, we’re going to focus on Black women’s sexuality and explore what sex-positive research focused on this population can tell us.
My guest is award-winning sexuality educator Dr. Shemeka Thorpe. She is an assistant professor of health promotion at the University of Kentucky. Dr. Thorpe has published over 50 peer-reviewed articles and her work has been featured extensively in the media. In 2023, Buzzfeed listed her as one of the top 20 Black sexologists you should follow.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How unbalanced is the study of sexuality when it comes to minority populations?
- Why is talking about race as a “risk factor” a problematic way of approaching sex research?
- How do Black women (and men) conceptualize pleasure?
- How common is sexual pain in Black women, and how do social and racialized expectations and scripts affect how pain is experienced for them?
- How does sexual fantasy and desire vary across racial and ethnic groups?
- How can we promote better, more equitable sex education and research?
Make sure to check out Dr. Shemeka’s website to learn more about her work and follow her on Instagram at @DrShemeka.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 267: The Science of Love (Essential Listen)
With Valentine’s Day being this month, love is in the air. So let’s talk about some tips for maintaining happy and healthy loving relationships all year long! In today’s show, we’re revisiting one of Sex and Psychology’s Essential Listens, which is my interview with Dr. Terri Orbuch from Episode 73. We’ll talk about what you need to know, whether you’ve been together for a short or long time. We’ll also explore how to know when it’s lust or love, and so much more.
Dr. Terri Orbuch is a distinguished professor at Oakland University and a research scientist at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. She is an author, speaker, and therapist known widely in the media as The Love Doctor for giving practical, science-based relationship advice. Her latest book is called “Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.”
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How do you know whether you’re really in love with someone? What’s the difference between lust and love?
- Is there value in the love languages concept?
- How can individuals make sure their partners know they love them?
- When is the right time to announce a new relationship?
- How do we dial down the pressure and make Valentine’s Day feel like fun instead of work?
Make sure to check out Terri’s website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. Connect with your partner every day using Paired. A happier relationship starts here!
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate whether you’re looking for one or not. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH today to get 10% off your first month.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 266: The Secrets To Sexual Satisfaction
What are the keys to sexual and relationship satisfaction? It turns out that some of the most popular ideas out there about what makes for a healthy and happy intimate life just aren’t backed up by the science. So let’s explore what the data actually say when it comes to cultivating satisfying sex lives and relationships. In this show, we’ll answer questions such as whether having more sex will make you happier, whether spontaneous sex is better than planned sex, whether too much closeness inhibits desire, and more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Amy Muise. She is an Assistant Professor and York Research Chair at York University. She is Director of the Sexual Health and Relationship (SHaRe) Lab. She has published 121 articles and book chapters and has been awarded over $2.9 million dollars in research funding.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Is more sex necessarily better sex?
- How do people really feel about spontaneous sex and planned sex? Is sex that happens spontaneously actually better?
- What’s the link between closeness/intimacy and sexual desire?
- There’s this idea that women are the barometers of relationship satisfaction in heterosexual relationships (“happy wife, happy life”). Is there any truth to this?
- What are the costs and benefits of making sexual compromises in a relationship?
Make sure to check out SHaRe’s website and Instagram to stay up-to-date on their work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Flure Dating App: Explore & Own Your Desires – https://flure.com
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 265: Living Single And Living Your Best Life
A growing number of people are living alone by choice—they simply prefer to live on their own. Many of them still have sex and relationships, but only on their own terms. They want freedom from the constraints of relationship labels and expectations, plus the ability to retain their autonomy and enjoy solitude when they want it. These folks are part of a growing movement and identity called “solos.” In today’s show, we’re going to explore what it means to go solo and how to live your best solo life.
I am joined once again by Peter McGraw, a business school professor at the University of Colorado Boulder. He hosts the podcast Solo—The Single Person’s Guide to a Remarkable Life, he writes for Single Insights—The Science of Solos, and he hosts The Solo Salon. In 2014, Peter co-authored a book called The Humor Code. His latest book is titled Solo.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What’s the difference between being solo and being single?
- What are some of the different ways of being solo?
- Are there certain types of individuals who may be more well-suited to pursuing the solo life?
- How do solos engage in the process of relationship design? What does that look like?
- What are some of the keys to being solo and flourishing?
Make sure to check out Peter’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
I’m excited to announce a new edition of my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality! This is the third edition of the book, and it’s the biggest and best version yet. The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive guide to the major theories and perspectives on sexuality and the vast diversity in sexual attitudes and behaviors that exist around the world. You can check it out here.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 264: The Rise of Single Living
Over the last half-century, we’ve seen a dramatic change in people’s living and relationship arrangements. Specifically, more adults are living on their own, and fewer are getting married. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the rapid rise in single living around the world. We’ll take a look at the numbers and explore how attitudes towards singlehood and marriage are evolving.
I am joined by Peter McGraw, a business school professor at the University of Colorado Boulder. He hosts the podcast Solo—The Single Person’s Guide to a Remarkable Life, he writes for Single Insights—The Science of Solos, and he hosts The Solo Salon. In 2014, Peter co-authored a book called The Humor Code. His latest book is titled Solo.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How have rates of marriage and single living changed in the US (and across the world) in the last 50 years?
- Which countries today have the most singles?
- What factors are propelling more people into singlehood?
- Why have traditional relationship models fallen out of favor?
- How much stigma is still attached to being single?
Make sure to check out Peter’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 263: Let’s Talk About Sexual Fantasies
Almost everyone has sexual fantasies—and has them often. But most of us have questions about our fantasies, including what they really mean, how to share them with a partner, and how to go about turning them into reality. In this episode, we’re going to do a deep dive into the world of fantasies. Among other things, we’ll discuss what to do when you have shame or trauma connected to your fantasies, how you can use technology to facilitate open communication about fantasies, as well as what you need to know if you’re thinking about acting on your fantasies.
I am joined once again by Rena Martine, a women’s intimacy coach, former Sex Crimes Deputy District Attorney for the Los Angeles County D.A.’s Office, and author of The Sex You Want: A Shameless Journey to Deep Intimacy, Honest Pleasure, and a Life You Love.
Some of the questions we explore in this episode include:
- What is the difference between a sexual fantasy and a sexual desire?
- Do fantasies need to be elaborate or “fantastical” in order to count as fantasies?
- How can we get rid of the shame we may have surrounding our fantasies?
- What are some ways we can make sure our sexual needs and desires are prioritized?
- How can a newbie who is interested in threesomes or kink start exploring these fantasies?
Make sure to check out Rena’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Flure Dating App: Explore & Own Your Desires – https://flure.com
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 262: How To Get The Sex Life You Want
There’s the sex life you have, and then there’s the sex life you want. So how do you actually get the one that you want? This is something a lot of people struggle with, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re going to explore tips for changing the relationship we have with ourselves, tips for changing the relationships we have with other people, as well as ways of simply making sex more fun.
My guest is Rena Martine, a women’s intimacy coach, former Sex Crimes Deputy District Attorney for the Los Angeles County D.A.’s Office, and author of The Sex You Want: A Shameless Journey to Deep Intimacy, Honest Pleasure, and a Life You Love.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What is the “27 things” exercise, and how can it help you to get clarity on what you want from your intimate life?
- How can we better manage body image issues that are hindering desire for and enjoyment of sex?
- How can we avoid hopping on the “relationship escalator” with a partner who might not be meeting our needs?
- What are some ways to make planned sex good sex?
- How can we bring the fun back into sex?
Make sure to check out Rena’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
I’m excited to announce a new edition of my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality! This is the third edition of the book, and it’s the biggest and best version yet. The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive guide to the major theories and perspectives on sexuality and the vast diversity in sexual attitudes and behaviors that exist around the world. You can check it out here.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 261: Breaking Negative Cycles In Relationships
A negative cycle starts when one partner in a relationship feels hurt and then says something critical. Then, the other partner feels hurt and responds in kind. This repeats over and over, and the hurt feelings escalate. In the last episode, we talked about why these cycles happen and how to identify them in your relationship. In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how to break the negative cycle, including things you should and shouldn’t say in these situations.
I am joined once again by Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. She also provides insight and advice for couples at @TheSecureRelationship on Instagram, with over one million followers. She founded and runs the Bozeman Therapy & Counseling Clinic, and Secure Relationship Coaching. Her latest book is titled Secure Love.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- Why is telling your partner to “calm down” a bad idea in a negative cycle?
- Although being vulnerable during a fight might sound scary, how can this be helpful in resolving it?
- What is co-regulation, and how can understanding this concept help to combat negative cycles?
- How can you avoid the traps that lead us into negative cycles in the first place?
- How do you repair a relationship after a negative cycle?
Make sure to check out Julie’s website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. Connect with your partner every day using Paired. A happier relationship starts here!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 260: Why Couples Have The Same Fight Over And Over
In long-term relationships, partners often find that they’re having the same fights over and over again. The fights are often triggered by something seemingly small, but then they have this way of escalating and turning into bigger conflicts that are wildly unproductive. This relationship pattern is known as a negative cycle. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into why negative cycles happen, how we create these patterns, and how you can start to recognize them. In the next episode, we’ll talk about how to break negative cycles.
My guest is Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. She also provides insight and advice for couples at @TheSecureRelationship on Instagram, with over one million followers. She founded and runs the Bozeman Therapy & Counseling Clinic, and Secure Relationship Coaching. Her latest book is titled Secure Love.
Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:
- What is it that triggers negative cycles in relationships?
- What do negative cycles look like or feel like as they’re happening?
- Which attachment style pairings are most likely to lead to negative cycles?
- How can you tell the difference between negative cycles and abuse?
Make sure to check out Julie’s website to learn more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 259: How To Change Your Relationship
A lot of people want to bring change into their love life, but they feel stuck. They’re ready and eager for change, but they don’t know how to do it or how to get their partner on board. In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss practical tips for changing your relationship. We’re also going to talk about how to drop the societal imperatives that tell us what we should be doing and, instead, learn how to chart your own course.
I am joined once again by award-winning author Emily Nagoski. She wrote the New York Times bestselling books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. Her latest book is titled Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- If you’re ready for a change but your partner isn’t, how do you navigate that?
- How can partners work together to create and maintain a sexual connection that lasts?
- What are some new ways of exploring erotic pleasures with a partner?
- What is the “magic trick” for accessing ecstasy, and how can we apply it to our sex lives?
Make sure to check out Emily’s website to find out more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 258: Creating a Sexual Connection that Lasts
When a relationship is new, the sex usually comes pretty easy. However, as the years go by, partners often find that their sexual connection declines. This doesn’t have to happen, though. There are science-backed ways of creating and maintaining a sexual connection that lasts. In this episode, we’re going to explore the three characteristics of relationships that sustain intimacy, how to cultivate lust in long-term relationships, and much more.
I am joined by award-winning author Emily Nagoski. She wrote the New York Times bestselling books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. Her latest book is titled Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What do people actually want from sex, and why is that important to think about?
- Why is sexual novelty alone not quite enough to cultivate a strong connection?
- How is pleasure different from desire?
- How can creating an “emotional floorplan” make it easier for people to get into a lustful headspace?
Make sure to check out Emily’s website to find out more.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Celebrate the progress you’ve already made with BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH today to get 10% off your first month.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 257: How To Make a Sex Plan for the New Year (Essential Listen)
New year, new sex life. The transition between years is always a good time to stop and reflect, and that includes thinking about your intimate life. How are things going? Are you getting what you want? Does it feel like something is missing? Depending on how you answered these questions, it might be time for a sex plan. We identify our goals and plan a lot of things in our lives, but we often don’t approach sex with that same intentionality. For today’s show, we’re revisiting one of Sex and Psychology’s Essential Listens, which is my interview with Dr. Juliana Hauser from episode 155. Let’s make a sex plan!
Juliana Hauser is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, sex, and sexuality. In addition to running a private practice, Dr. Juliana is a nationally known expert in this area whose work has appeared all over in the media.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What are some practical things you can do to develop a greater sense of sexual empowerment?
- How can resolutions to boost physical and mental health enhance sexual performance and satisfaction?
- How can you introduce more novelty into your sex life?
- What resolutions can help someone be more present during sex?
- What is a sex plan, and how can making one benefit you and your relationship(s)?
To learn more about Juliana, visit dr-juliana.com and follow @drjulianahauser on IG.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 256: The Problem With The 5 Love Languages
“The Five Love Languages” is a wildly popular, bestselling book that came out just over 30 years ago. Since its arrival, the love languages have become a massive cultural phenomenon. However, despite enormous popularity, there’s a surprising lack of scientific backing for the concept. In fact, research suggests that the key principles and ideas behind the love languages just don’t hold up. So is this still a useful framework for understanding love? Let’s talk about it.
My guests today are Drs. Amy Muise and Emily Impett. Dr. Muise is an assistant professor and York Research Chair at York University. She is director of the Sexual Health and Relationship (SHaRe) Lab. Dr. Impett is a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto and director of the Relationships and Well-Being lab. Amy and Emily have been close collaborators for nearly 14 years and they have published over 60 papers together on sexuality and relationships!
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What are the five love languages?
- What’s the problem with claiming that there are only five languages to communicate love?
- Is there any evidence supporting the idea that people who speak their partner’s love language are happier in relationships?
- Are there more scientifically sound ways of understanding love than the love languages?
- Is it okay to still like the love languages idea even if the data don’t support it?
Make sure to check out the Instagram pages for Amy and Emily’s labs, @share.research and @utmrawlab.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
It’s a new year, and I’m excited to announce a new edition of my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality! This is the third edition of the book, and it’s the biggest and best version yet. The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive guide to the major theories and perspectives on sexuality and the vast diversity in sexual attitudes and behaviors that exist around the world. You can check it out here.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 255: Common Myths About Male Sexuality
One of the most popular tropes that you’re bound to encounter in writings about human sexuality is that men are simple, while women are complex. There’s a pervasive belief out there that sex is just easy for men in general because they’re always in the mood and sex is mostly a physical (not emotional) thing for them. The reality of male sexuality, however, is far more complicated, and we’re not doing anyone any favors by oversimplifying it. So in today’s show, we’re going to dive into common myths about male sexuality.
I am joined once again by Cam Fraser, who is a Certified Professional Sex Coach, Certified Sexologist, Registered Counselor, and Registered Tantric Yoga Teacher. As a coach, he helps men go beyond surface-level sex and into full-bodied, self-expressed, pleasure-oriented sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why is the idea of male sexuality as “simple” a myth?
- How do beauty standards affect men, and what are the implications of this for sex, dating, and relationships?
- What do men who are anxious about their penis size need to know?
- Are men always supposed to be turned on and ready for sex?
- To what degree is sex emotional vs. physical for men?
You can visit Cam’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 254: What We Get Wrong About Men’s Bodies
A lot of men feel insecure about their bodies and sexual performance despite the fact that they fall clearly within the normal range. It’s easy for them to feel like there’s something wrong when they’ve never really been taught what “normal” even means. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss common things people get wrong about men’s bodies and how penises function, as well as things that men and their partners should know when it comes to sexual pleasure.
I am joined by Cam Fraser, who is a Certified Professional Sex Coach, Certified Sexologist, Registered Counselor, and Registered Tantric Yoga Teacher. As a coach, he helps men go beyond surface-level sex and into full-bodied, self-expressed, pleasure-oriented sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Is an erection always a sign of sexual arousal and interest?
- Are orgasm and ejaculation one and the same, or are they different things?
- Can men experience multiple orgasms?
- What do men need to know about sex toys and prostate stimulation?
- What does it really mean to have premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction?
You can visit Cam’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
It’s a new year, and I’m excited to announce a new edition of my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality! This is the third edition of the book, and it’s the biggest and best version yet. The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive guide to the major theories and perspectives on sexuality and the vast diversity in sexual attitudes and behaviors that exist around the world. You can check it out here.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 253: Resolutions For Better Sex In 2024 (Essential Listen)
Every time a new year rolls around, people start making resolutions for self-improvement. As you start to think about your own resolutions, consider resolving to have better sex. With the right set of resolutions, you can address problem areas in the bedroom, rekindle the spark, and start to enjoy the best sex of your life!
For today’s show, we’re going to revisit one of Sex and Psychology’s Essential Listens, my interview with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, which appeared back in episode 67. Dr. Jess is a Toronto-based sexologist, author, speaker, and television personality. She is host of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast and is the resident sexologist at Astroglide.
In our original conversation, Jess and I spoke about how to keep the sexual spark alive all year long. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How can you get more comfortable being vocal in bed?
- How can you suggest trying something new with your partner?
- Why is it important to expand your definition of sex?
- How can you incorporate more touch into daily life?
- What should you think about resolving to do (or not do) in your sex life in the new year?
To learn more, check out Jess’s website and follow her on Instagram at @sexwithdrjess.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2351-lehmiller
Ever questioned, wondered, or fantasized about trying something different? Feeld is the place where you freely explore your desires. For a limited time, receive a free month of Majestic Membership when you download the app as a new member. Download the Feeld app at feeld.co/justin to access your free month of Majestic Membership. Please allow up to 24 hours for your free Majestic trial to activate.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 252: OnlyFans and the Rise of Digital Sex Work
Digital sex work is booming. Over the last two decades, sex work has increasingly moved online and it has become a multi-billion dollar industry. The transition to online sex work is changing a lot of things about how sex work works, so let’s talk about it. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore how digital sex work is changing the kinds of services that are bought and sold, how workers create authentic interactions with clients online, how technology is changing the stigma around sex work, and more.
I am joined once again by Kurt Fowler, an Assistant Professor of Criminal Justice at Penn State Abington and the author of The Rise of Digital Sex Work. Drawing on in-depth interviews with dozens of sex workers from around the world, this book explores how technology has changed the nature of modern sex work.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What kind of things do sex workers need to consider when deciding where and how to sell their services online?
- How does digital sex work allow for more creativity and flexibility in the kinds of services offered?
- How do online sex workers craft authentic personas and interactions with clients?
- How has the internet helped sex workers form a sense of community and social support?
- How is the stigma around sex work changing in the Information Age?
You can learn more about Kurt’s book here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 251: What It’s Like To Be A Sex Worker
What is it like to be a sex worker? It depends who you ask, with different studies pointing to drastically different conclusions. The truth is that you can’t paint sex workers in overly broad strokes. “Sex work” can mean a lot of different things, and working conditions and local laws vary, which means that different workers are bound to have different experiences. In today’s episode, we’re going to take an inside look into the world of sex work.
I am joined by Kurt Fowler, an Assistant Professor of Criminal Justice at Penn State Abington and the author of The Rise of Digital Sex Work. Drawing on in-depth interviews with dozens of sex workers from around the world, this book explores how technology has changed the nature of modern sex work.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What all is included under the term “sex work?”
- Two major paradigms dominate research on sex work: the oppression paradigm and the empowerment paradigm. What’s the difference between these views?
- What are some of the common motivations for entering sex work?
- How do digital sex workers mitigate some of the unique risks that come along with working in online spaces?
- How is the experience of sex work different for people of different racial backgrounds?
You can learn more about Kurt’s book here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 250: How to Have “The Talk” With Your Kids
In some ways, teens today seem to be more sexually cautious. They’re waiting longer to have sex and they’re having fewer partners. At the same time, however, they’re also engaging in riskier sexual practices, with condom use declining and rough sex increasing. Sex education is as vital as ever, and it needs to reflect the sexual realities of today’s youth. So in this episode, we’re going to dive into what parents need to know when it comes to talking to their kids about sex.
I am joined once again by Dr. Debby Herbenick, an award-winning, internationally recognized sexuality researcher and AASECT-certified sexuality educator. She is a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health and the author of five bestselling books about human sexuality. Her latest book is titled, Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- When is the “right” time to start discussing sex with your kids?
- What are some of the key topics parents should be covering?
- What can parents teach their kids about having healthy relationships?
- When and how should parents talk to their kids about porn?
- How is having “the talk” different if your kid is on the spectrum?
You can visit Debby’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2350-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 249: What Today’s Parents Need To Know About Teens And Sex
The sexual landscape for teens has shifted dramatically over the last two decades. Among the more notable changes we’ve seen are that rough sex is on the rise, and teens are increasingly exploring their sexuality online through sexting. In today’s show, we’re going to explore this evolving landscape and talk about what parents need to know, including how to become an “askable” parent, how to navigate uncomfortable questions, and what to do when you don’t have the answers.
I am joined by Dr. Debby Herbenick, an award-winning, internationally recognized sexuality researcher and AASECT-certified sexuality educator. She is a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health and the author of five bestselling books about human sexuality. Her latest book is titled, Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How is the sexual landscape different for today’s teens?
- What are some practical things a parent can do so that their kids feel comfortable coming to them with sex questions?
- How can parents approach questions about sex without shame and judgement?
- What should you do if your kid asks something that feels too personal?
- What are some practical ways that parents can explain consent to their kids?
You can visit Debby’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 248: Maintaining Sexual Privacy in the Information Age
In the Information Age, keeping our private lives private is becoming harder and harder to do. For example, our online searches and chats are leaving digital traces, while our phones (and even our cars) are collecting information on where we go. All of this data is vulnerable, and there’s growing concern about the risk of our most sensitive personal information being exploited. In today’s episode, we’re going to focus on ways we can mitigate the risks of data surveillance and keep our personal information more secure.
I am joined once again by Albert Fox Cahn. He is founder and executive director of the Surveillance Technology Oversight Project (also known as STOP). He is also a Practitioner-in-Residence at N.Y.U Law School’s Information Law Institute and a fellow at the Harvard Kennedy School’s Carr Center For Human Rights Policy and Yale Law School’s Information Society Project. As a lawyer, technologist, and activist, Albert has become a leading voice on how to govern and build the technologies of the future.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What are some practical ways individuals can keep their online data more secure?
- How safe (or unsafe) is it to use apps that track our health data, sexually and otherwise?
- For individuals traveling out of state to access legally available care that might not be available in their home state, are there any steps they can take to mitigate data surveillance?
- What steps can providers take to protect patients and clients when it comes to data that might be subject to government surveillance?
- What responsibility do tech companies have to offer more protection over consumer data?
You can connect with Albert online on Twitter and Bluesky.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2349-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 247: Reproductive Surveillance in the Post-Roe World
In 2022, the United States Supreme Court reversed a half-century old ruling that had legalized abortion in this country. Since then, reproductive healthcare has become more difficult to access in certain areas, prompting concern about technology being leveraged as a form of abortion surveillance and tracking. Text messages, Google searches, emails, and period-tracking apps all have the potential to be used against people seeking abortions. In today’s show, we’re going to explore how online surveillance of abortion is increasing and the effects this is having, as well as the broader risks of living in a time when there’s unparalleled surveillance of our private lives.
My guest is Albert Fox Cahn. He is founder and executive director of the Surveillance Technology Oversight Project (also known as STOP). He is also a Practitioner-in-Residence at N.Y.U Law School’s Information Law Institute and a fellow at the Harvard Kennedy School’s Carr Center For Human Rights Policy and Yale Law School’s Information Society Project. As a lawyer, technologist, and activist, Albert has become a leading voice on how to govern and build the technologies of the future.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How has the landscape for abortion care in the United States shifted since Roe v Wade was overturned?
- In what ways is abortion care subject to surveillance?
- Are new surveillance practices having an effect on pregnant women’s decision making and feelings of agency?
- What are the implications of surveillance for accessing gender-affirming care?
- Can you be tracked when you travel to another state to access healthcare?
You can connect with Albert online on Twitter and Bluesky.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Ever questioned, wondered, or fantasized about trying something different? Feeld is the place where you freely explore your desires. For a limited time, receive a free month of Majestic Membership when you download the app as a new member. Download the Feeld app at feeld.co/justin to access your free month of Majestic Membership. Please allow up to 24 hours for your free Majestic trial to activate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 246: The Disappearance of Shere Hite
In the previous episode, we explored the life and times of Shere Hite, who published what is perhaps the bestselling non-fiction book about sex ever to hit the market. Despite selling 50 million copies, it has been largely forgotten in the half-century since its release. However, it’s back in the spotlight again with the release of the new documentary The Disappearance of Shere Hite. In today’s show, I’m going to continue my conversation with the director of this film to dive into the story behind it. We’re also going to talk about why Shere’s work is more relevant than ever.
I am joined once again by Nicole Newnham, the Oscar-nominated, Emmy-winning documentary producer and director behind The Disappearance of Shere Hite. This film premiered at the 2023 Sundance Film Festival is now playing in select theaters. Nicole also co-directed and produced the 2021 Academy Award-nominated documentary Crip Camp.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What compelled the making of a documentary about Shere’s work?
- Why did this extraordinary woman and her work seemingly disappear?
- How did the media try to craft “gotcha” moments to discredit Shere?
- What are some lessons from the film, and Shere’s story, that are important in modern times?
Visit sherehitedoc.com to find out where The Disappearance of Shere Hite is playing near you.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2348-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 245: The Pioneering Female Sex Researcher That Time Forgot
There are a lot of hidden figures in the history of sex research who made important contributions to the field, but who are frequently forgotten. One of them is Shere Hite, who authored the best-selling non-fiction book on women’s sexuality titled The Hite Report in 1976. This book sold 50 million copies, a figure that puts it among the 30 bestselling books of all times! However, there’s a good chance you’ve never heard about this book or the author behind it. Enter The Disappearance of Shere Hite, a new documentary about the life and times of an extraordinary woman who dared to study women’s sexuality and whose work remains as radical and revolutionary as ever.
My guest today is Nicole Newnham, the Oscar-nominated, Emmy-winning documentary producer and director behind The Disappearance of Shere Hite. This film premiered at the 2023 Sundance Film Festival is now playing in select theaters. Nicole also co-directed and produced the 2021 Academy Award-nominated documentary Crip Camp.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Who was Shere Hite and what was she most well-known for?
- What is The Hite Report about and how did Shere go about collecting her data?
- What are the major findings of The Hite Report?
- How (and why) did people try to discredit The Hite Report?
- After two decades in the media spotlight, why did Shere disappear?
Visit sherehitedoc.com to find out where The Disappearance of Shere Hite is playing near you.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Handy is a Scandinavian pleasure device like no other: it’s an adult toy for anyone with a penis that enables new sexual experiences through interactive technology. The Handy can be synched with online content from multiple adult websites to offer immersive experiences. Visit thehandy.com and get 10% off your purchase with discount code sexandpsych.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 244: The Future of Sex Toys
What does the future hold when it comes to sex toys? Artificial intelligence, virtual reality, and robotics are just a few of the many emerging technologies that are likely to become an increasingly big part of the way that we experience pleasure. In this episode, we’re going to explore the high-tech pleasure products of the future.
I am joined one again by Sarah Tomchesson, who works as a sex educator, sex toy evangelist and podcast host. Sarah is Lovehoney’s Resident Sexual Wellness Advisor and hosts free monthly workshops through Lovehoney.com. Sarah’s podcast, F*ck Yeah, disrupts traditional ideas about sexuality and relationships, and her online education program, Pleasure Practices, supports cultivating personal power through pleasure exploration.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How do app-connected sex toys open up new opportunities for pleasure?
- How might AI revolutionize sex toys?
- How does virtual reality have the potential to completely change the way we interact with and experience sex toys?
- How can technology make sex toys more accessible?
- How can sex toys help us to monitor our sexual health?
For more to listen to, you can check out Sarah’s podcast here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Earth and Salt offers a curated selection of sex toys, accessories, and gender expression gear to help you access your pleasure, your way. Visit Earth and Salt at earthandsaltshop.com, and use “Lehmiller” as the discount code for 15% off your next purchase.
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2347-lehmiller
Ever questioned, wondered, or fantasized about trying something different? Feeld is the place where you freely explore your desires. For a limited time, receive a free month of Majestic Membership when you download the app as a new member. Download the Feeld app at feeld.co/justin to access your free month of Majestic Membership. Please allow up to 24 hours for your free Majestic trial to activate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 243: 5 Ways Sex Toys Can Revolutionize Your Sex Life
If you’re looking to take your sex life to the next level, something you might want to think about it is trying more sex toys! Sex toys have the potential to make sex, both solo and partnered, even better. And if you’ve never used sex toys before, we have you covered. The sheer number of options out there can be overwhelming, so we’ll discuss some good places to start if you’ve new to the idea of bringing toys into the bedroom.
I am joined by Sarah Tomchesson, who works as a sex educator, sex toy evangelist and podcast host. Sarah is Lovehoney’s Resident Sexual Wellness Advisor and hosts free monthly workshops through Lovehoney.com. Sarah’s podcast, F*ck Yeah, disrupts traditional ideas about sexuality and relationships, and her online education program, Pleasure Practices, supports cultivating personal power through pleasure exploration.
In this episode, we discuss how sex toys can assist in:
- Understanding yourself as a sexual person and uncovering new pleasure sources
- Increasing/improving sexual communication
- Providing stress relief
- Building up sexual self-confidence
- Closing the orgasm gap
For more to listen to, you can check out Sarah’s podcast here.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Handy is a Scandinavian pleasure device like no other: it’s an adult toy for anyone with a penis that enables new sexual experiences through interactive technology. The Handy can be synched with online content from multiple adult websites to offer immersive experiences. Visit thehandy.com and get 10% off your purchase with discount code sexandpsych.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 242: How To Have The Hottest Sex Ever
How can I have better, hotter sex? This is a super common question people have about their intimate lives, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. In this episode, we’re going to walk you through what you need to know about taking your sex life to the next level.
I am joined once again by both Amy Baldwin and April Lampert. Amy is a sex and relationship coach, as well as a certified sex educator. April is Vice President and co-owner of Hot Octopuss, an innovative pleasure product company. Together, Amy and April combined forces to create the Shameless Sex Podcast, and the brand new book Shameless Sex: Choose Your Own Pleasure Path to Unlock the Sex Life You’ve Been Waiting For.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How can you figure out what it is that you really want from sex?
- How can you use your sexual fantasies as a source of inspiration?
- How can changing your sexual mindset open the door to greater pleasure?
- How can you make sex great again when the old ways stop working?
- What are some healthy ways to introduce new things in the bedroom?
- How can couples “keep the fire burning” in the bedroom for the long run?
You can learn more about Amy and April on the Shameless Sex website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
Earth and Salt offers a curated selection of sex toys, accessories, and gender expression gear to help you access your pleasure, your way. Visit Earth and Salt at earthandsaltshop.com, and use “Lehmiller” as the discount code for 15% off your next purchase.
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2346-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 241: How To Have Shameless Sex
This week on the show, I have a special treat for you: I’m speaking with the co-hosts of the Shameless Sex Podcast, which is one of the most-listened to sexuality podcasts in the world! They have just released a book that captures all of the wisdom they’ve accumulated on their podcast over the years. So we’re going to do a deep dive into it and teach you how to have shameless sex!
My guests are Amy Baldwin and April Lampert. Amy is a sex and relationship coach, as well as a certified sex educator. April is Vice President and co-owner of Hot Octopuss, an innovative pleasure product company. Together, Amy and April combined forces to create the Shameless Sex Podcast, and the brand new book Shameless Sex: Choose Your Own Pleasure Path to Unlock the Sex Life You’ve Been Waiting For.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What does it mean to have “shameless sex”?
- Who is this book for, and what can readers hope to get out of it?
- If you’ve ever asked yourself “am I normal?” or “am I broken?” what do you need to know?
- What can you do when you and your partner feel like you’ve fallen out of synch in the bedroom?
- How can you communicate about sex with your partner in a healthy way?
Learn more about Amy and April on the Shameless Sex website.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology
***
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Handy is a Scandinavian pleasure device like no other: it’s an adult toy for anyone with a penis that enables new sexual experiences through interactive technology. The Handy can be synched with online content from multiple adult websites to offer immersive experiences. Visit thehandy.com and get 10% off your purchase with discount code sexandpsych.
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
Ever questioned, wondered, or fantasized about trying something different? Feeld is the place where you freely explore your desires. For a limited time, receive a free month of Majestic Membership when you download the app as a new member. Download the Feeld app at feeld.co/justin to access your free month of Majestic Membership. Please allow up to 24 hours for your free Majestic trial to activate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 240: The Truth About Masturbation (Essential Listen)
It’s November again, which means that the annual abstinence challenge known as “No Nut November” is back in full force. This challenge originated on Reddit several years back and it seems to spread and bring in new participants each year. The basic idea is that you’re not allow to masturbate or otherwise orgasm for the entire month, and it seems to be rooted in the idea that self-pleasure is inherently bad for you. But is that really the case? In today’s show, we’re going to revisit one of Sex and Psychology’s “Essential Listens,” my interview with Dr. Eric Sprankle back in episode 96.
Eric is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He’s also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist affiliated with the Minnesota Sexual Health Institute. His first book comes out next year and is titled DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation.
In our original conversation, Eric and I talked all about the history of masturbation and some of the myths surrounding masturbation today. Some of the topics we discussed include:
- What makes masturbation in humans unique compared to other species that do it?
- What kinds of masturbation “cures” were used in the past to discourage this behavior?
- What do we think about when we engage in self-pleasure?
- Does abstinence actually boost testosterone levels?
- How can we have a healthier relationship with porn and masturbation?
To learn more, check out Eric’s website and check out my other conversation with Eric about navigating sexuality and religion in Episode 98.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Earth and Salt offers a curated selection of sex toys, accessories, and gender expression gear to help you access your pleasure, your way. Visit Earth and Salt at earthandsaltshop.com, and use “Lehmiller” as the discount code for 15% off your next purchase.
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2345-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 239: Kinky In The Digital Age
Ever since people started having sex, they had kinky sex. While kink itself is not new, kink practices have certainly changed over time, as have people’s opportunities to explore and experiment with kink. This is especially true in the modern digital era. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how technology has opened up new ways for people to explore their kinks, whether technology itself is making us kinkier, and where kinky interests come from in the first place.
I am joined once again by Liam Wignall, a Senior Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Brighton. He specialises in research on kink/BDSM, looking at the impact of internet and community engagement on identity formation. His book, Kinky in the Digital Age, explores how kinky gay and bisexual men navigate kink in contemporary times with an in-depth analysis of the pup play subculture.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How is kink defined?
- How far can we trace back the kinky history of the queer community?
- How has the mainstreaming of kink (i.e., the Fifty Shades phenomenon) changed the research on kinky sex?
- Why at a time when heterosexuals are more openly embracing kink do we see a lot of LGBTQ+ people trying to hide it? Why has kink suddenly become controversial at LGBTQ+ pride events?
- Is technology making us kinkier?
You can check out our article on Liam’s recent publication here, and connect with him on Twitter/X here.
You can also get 30% of Liam’s book Kinky in the Digital Age through Oxford University Press with discount code: ASPROMP8
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Handy is a Scandinavian pleasure device like no other: it’s an adult toy for anyone with a penis that enables new sexual experiences through interactive technology. The Handy can be synched with online content from multiple adult websites to offer immersive experiences, meaning that what you see is what you feel. To learn more visit thehandy.com and get 10% off your purchase with discount code sexandpsych.
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Watch for presentations and papers from Kinsey Institute faculty and students at this month’s meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, which will be held in New Orleans. Learn more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 238: Are Neurodiverse People More Likely To Be Kinky?
Some folks who frequent kink and BDSM spaces have observed that there seems to be a higher percentage of neurodiverse persons compared to other social settings. So is there actually a link between neurodiversity and kink? In today’s show, we’re going to dive into a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research that looks at how neurodiversity, specifically in the form of autistic traits, is linked to engaging in the kink subculture of pup play.
I am joined by Liam Wignall, a Senior Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Brighton. He specialises in research on kink/BDSM, looking at the impact of internet and community engagement on identity formation. His recent book, Kinky in the Digital Age, explores how kinky gay and bisexual men navigate kink in contemporary times.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What does it mean to be neurodivergent? How prevalent is neurodivergence in the general population?
- What does pup play look like and why are some people into it?
- Why might there be a link between autism and kink in general?
- What specifically about pup play might be appealing to neurodivergent individuals?
- Why is there so little research on neurodiversity and sexuality?
You can check out our article on Liam’s recent publication here, and connect with him on Twitter/X here.
You can also get 30% of Liam’s book Kinky in the Digital Age through Oxford University Press with discount code: ASPROMP8
Thank you to our sponsors!
Earth and Salt offers a curated selection of sex toys, accessories, and gender expression gear to help you access your pleasure, your way. Visit Earth and Salt at earthandsaltshop.com, and use “Lehmiller” as the discount code for 15% off your next purchase.
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2344-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 237: How Women Feel About Anal Sex
There’s a lot of research out there on the subject of anal sex; however, surprisingly little of it has focused on how women feel about this activity. Fortunately, a large nationally representative study of women’s experiences with anal touch recently came out that sheds important light on the subject. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the results and discuss how many women have explored anal stimulation, their preferred forms of anal touch, tips for experiencing more anal pleasure, and more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Devon Hensel, an Associate Professor of Research at Indiana University School of Medicine, who has led several national and international sexual health studies. Devon has expertise in sexuality across the life span, sexual pleasure, romantic/sexual relationships and solo and partnered sexual behavior.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How many women have engaged in some form of anal stimulation?
- Why is it important to explore different forms of anal touch beyond penile-anal penetration?
- What are anal surfacing, anal shallowing, and anal pairing?
- Which forms of anal touch do women find to be most pleasurable?
- What are some of the dos and don’ts of anal sex when it comes to pleasure and safety?
You can learn more about Devon here and read her full study on anal touch here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 236: The Science of Squirting
Some women experience a large expulsion of fluid during sexual arousal or orgasm, often referred to as squirting. Although this is by no means a new discovery, the nature of the fluid, what it’s called, and where it originates in the body have been subject to much debate. So let’s talk about it! In today’s show, we’re going to explore the science of squirting by looking at results from a nationally representative survey on the subject. We’re going to discuss how squirting is different from female ejaculation, what we know about how and why it happens, how common it is, the surprising diversity in squirting experiences, and more.
I am joined by Dr. Devon Hensel, an Associate Professor of Research at Indiana University School of Medicine, who has led several national and international sexual health studies. Devon has expertise in sexuality across the life span, sexual pleasure, romantic/sexual relationships and solo and partnered sexual behavior.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How is “vaginal squirting” defined?
- Where does the fluid involved in vaginal squirting come from?
- How prevalent is squirting? How many women have experienced it before?
- What are some of the various ways that a woman might experience squirting?
- Is squirting something that every woman is potentially capable of?
You can learn more about Devon here and read her full study on squirting here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2343-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 235: The Surprising Politics of Polyamory
Polyamorists tend to be stereotyped and portrayed in the popular media as pretty liberal bunch. However, it turns out that they’re actually quite diverse in their political views. This isn’t surprising when you start to trace the history of the modern polyamory movement in America, because what we see is that it actually has strong libertarian roots. In today’s show, we’re going to explore the fascinating (and surprising) intersection between polyamory and politics, including how libertarian science fiction writers in the 1960s helped turbocharge interest in polyamory.
I am joined once again by Christopher Gleason, who lectures at Kennesaw State University and is the Director of Academic Programs at the Georgia Coalition for Higher Education in Prisons. He lives in Atlanta and his latest book is titled American Poly: A History.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Who was Robert Heinlein, and what impact did his sci-fi book Stranger in a Strange Land have on American polyamory?
- Ayn Rand is an author known for shaping right-wing thought, but her work was influential to polyamorists during the sexual revolution. What’s the story there?
- How did a return to sexual conservatism in the 1980s lead to an organized polyamory movement?
- Why is there a heated debate in the poly community about whether polyamory is about sex versus connection and spirituality?
- Are individuals on the political left more likely to embrace polyamory as an identity than those with other political views?
To stay connected, you can find Christopher on Instagram @christophermgleason
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 234: The Evolution of Polyamory in America
Believe it or not, the term “polyamory” has only been around for a little over 30 years. However, while the name itself is still relatively new, the practice of it definitely isn’t. Although people were living polyamorous lives long before we ever had this name for it, the way people practice it has morphed and changed over time. So let’s dive into the long and fascinating history and evolution of polyamory in the United States.
My guest today is Christopher Gleason, who lectures at Kennesaw State University and is the Director of Academic Programs at the Georgia Coalition for Higher Education in Prisons. He lives in Atlanta and his latest book is titled American Poly: A History.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- When did the term polyamory first enter the mainstream, and what were people calling it before that?
- Who were the first people practicing something that looks like what we might call polyamory today?
- How did countercultural religious movements in the 1960s and 70s shape the practice of ethical non-monogamy?
- How did the advent of the internet impact the polyamory movement?
- How have portrayals of polyamory evolved in the media, and how does this shape people’s views and attitudes towards it?
To stay connected, you can find Christopher on Instagram @christophermgleason
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2342-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 233: Your Brain On Sex (Essential Listen)
As I look back on all of the amazing guests and conversations we’ve had on this show, I’ve begun to curate a list of ”essential listens.” These are the shows that are often a sexual revelation because they get people to think about or understand their own sexuality in a new way. One of these essential listens is my “sex on the brain” interview with award-winning author Emily Nagoski from episode 48.
Emily wrote the bestselling books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. She is also coauthor of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Emily’s new book, Come Together, is currently available for preorder.
In our original conversation, we explored the brain mechanisms that underlie sexual response in a way that can help people to better understand their own sexuality—and why it might be really different from that of their partner. Some of the topics we discussed include:
- What is the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response and why is it crucial to understanding our own sexuality?
- Why do many people (but especially women) sometimes experience a disconnect between genital arousal and psychological arousal?
- What’s the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire?
- How can a better understanding of how our brains work unlock sexual pleasure?
To learn more, listen to our full conversation in episode 48 and check out Emily’s website.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 232: What To Do When Your Partner Is Kinkier Than You
I’ve received countless emails from people who have discovered that their partner has a kink they didn’t previously know about—and, now, they’re not sure what to do because they’re not into it. So what do you do when you’re a vanilla person and it turns out that your partner has a kinky streak? The fact that you both want different things from sex doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, so let’s talk about how to make it work.
I am joined once again by Stefani Goerlich, award-winning author of The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients. Stefani is also a Certified Sex Therapist and organizer of the upcoming Securing Sexuality conference. Her latest book is titled With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- For people who are worried that they’re “too vanilla,” what do they need to know?
- How can people better navigate the strong feelings they might have when discovering a partner’s kink?
- When partners have different fantasies and desires, how do you find common ground?
- How can opening up a relationship help partners bridge a sexual desire discrepancy?
- Is it always possible to make things work when partners want very different things from sex?
To learn more, check out Sefani’s website.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2341-lehmiller
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 231: Safe Sex in the Digital Age
From the rise of online dating, to internet porn, to sexting and cybersex, our intimate lives are increasingly digital. Although it’s undoubtedly great that we have these new ways to connect and explore our sexuality, we now need to content with a host of novel challenges, especially around issues of privacy and safety. Any time we explore our sexuality online, we’re leaving a digital trace. So who has access to this information? How do we keep it secure? Today, we’re going to talk about how to leverage technology to enhance our intimate lives while also staying safe.
I am joined by Stefani Goerlich, award-winning author of The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients. Stefani is also a Certified Sex Therapist and organizer of the upcoming Securing Sexuality conference. Her latest book is titled With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why is cybersecurity such an important topic to discuss in relation to online sexuality?
- What are some ways that technology can give our sexual and intimate lives a boost?
- What can we be doing better to ensure our privacy and security in digital spaces?
- How can we minimize some of the risks around AI and sexuality?
- What kinds of challenges has the move to a digital economy created for sex workers, educators, and therapists?
To learn more, you can check out Sefani’s website. Also, if you’re looking for a “USB condom” (i.e., data blocker) like Stefani recommends, see here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 230: How To Make Consent Sexy
Sexual consent is not as simple and straightforward as it might sound. It’s actually a complex and highly nuanced concept that means different things to different people and is communicated differently across contexts and relationships. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how we can do better when it comes to obtaining consent, how to make consent sexy, tips for better sexual communication, and more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Eric FitzMedrud, a therapist specializing in relationship and sexual issues in the San Francisco Bay Area. His specialty is helping men improve their sex lives, and his latest book is titled The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How is consent usually depicted in the popular media, and how does this line up with reality?
- How can you go about obtaining consent without taking the excitement and spontaneity out of sex?
- How has the language around sexual consent evolved in recent years?
- Is it realistic to think that everyone will practice enthusiastic consent?
- What is the three-step consent process?
- What else should we be talking about when it comes to understanding and improving sexual communication?
To learn more, you can check out Eric’s website.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2340-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 229: Men, Masculinity, & Male Sexuality in the 21st Century
There’s a growing narrative out there in the popular media and on social media that “men are trash” and that they need to “do better.” The response of some men has been to push back, and this has led to the rise of the “manosphere,” an online network of men’s rights activists pushing back against feminism. Tensions are quickly rising, so let’s talk about it. In today’s show we’re going to explore how the issues facing men have changed, what it means to be a “better man,” and more.
My guest is Dr. Eric FitzMedrud, a therapist specializing in relationship and sexual issues in the San Francisco Bay Area. His specialty is helping men improve their sex lives, and his latest book is titled The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- What was the inspiration for writing The Better Man?
- What are some common things people get wrong about testosterone and what it means for male sexuality?
- As a society, how can we help men “do better” without pushing them into radical communities?
- How have the struggles that men are dealing with changed over the past 15 years?
- How can men go about unburdening themselves from sexual shame and reclaim their sexuality?
To learn more, you can check out Eric’s website.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 228: The Rise of Pegging
In both porn and pop culture, we’re increasingly seeing women strapping on dildos and anally penetrating men, a sex act known as pegging. So what’s behind this growing trend? Let’s talk about it. In the last episode, we discussed the ins and outs of anal sex generally. Today, we’re going to dive further into the subject by exploring the popularity of pegging, the role of the prostate in sexual pleasure, tips for using sex toys during anal play, as well as what you need to know when it comes to douching and finding the right lube.
I am joined once again by Dr. Thomas Gaither, a physician who is currently finishing up his urology residency at UCLA. In addition to conducting research on LGBT health and sexual medicine, he is an active TikTok creator teaching the masses about sexual health. You can find him on TikTok at that_prostate_doc.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why is prostate stimulation such a big part of anal pleasure for men?
- What are some of the reasons why women might enjoy anal sex?
- What is the appeal of pegging to heterosexual men?
- How might someone introduce the idea of anal play to a relationship partner?
- If you’re worried about anal sex potentially being messy, what can you do about that?
To learn more, you can check out Tom’s linktree and follow him on TikTok.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2338-lehmiller
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securingsexuality.com
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 227: The Ins and Outs of Anal Sex
Despite the fact that anal sex has become an increasingly common sexual activity, it’s a subject that continues to be ignored in almost all sex education. As a result, people generally have to learn about it all on their own, and there can be a bit of a learning curve. In today’s show, we’re going to explore how to approach this activity in ways that are safe and pleasurable, as well as some common myths and misconceptions surrounding it.
My guest is Dr. Thomas Gaither, a physician who is currently finishing up his urology residency at UCLA. In addition to conducting research on LGBT health and sexual medicine, he is an active TikTok creator teaching the masses about sexual health. You can find him on TikTok at that_prostate_doc.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How many people practice anal sex?
- Why do people engage in anal sex? What do they get out of it?
- Is there any truth to the idea that anal sex causes long-term damage to the body?
- What should someone do if they experience pain during this activity?
- If someone is interested in trying anal sex for the first time, what do they need to know?
To learn more, you can check out Tom’s linktree and follow him on TikTok.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 226: What It’s Like To Work In A Sex Shop
It’s one thing to visit a sex shop, but it’s quite another to stand behind the counter! Working in one of these stores can be a very fulfilling and rewarding experience, but it can also be challenging due to the wide range of customers. A lot of the people walking through the door might be feeling embarrassed. Some might have a complicated relationship with their own sexuality. And others will be rude or immature. So what’s it actually like to work in a sex shop? In today’s show, we’re going to explore the good, bad, and ugly of it all.
I am joined once again by Fancy Feast, a Brooklyn-based burlesque performer, writer, and sex educator whose work has been profiled on NPR, Refinery29, and The Huffington Post. Her new book, Naked: On Sex, Work, and Other Burlesques, was the focus of the previous episode.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How is working in a sex shop like being an amateur sex therapist?
- What kind of training and sex ed do these shops provide to employees?
- What are some of the most fun and rewarding aspects of working at a sex shop?
- How does a lack of sex ed contribute to poor customer behavior in these shops?
- How can selling sex toys be a liberating experience, both for the seller and customer?
- How did the arrival of 50 Shades of Grey change what it’s like to work in a sex shop?
To learn more, you can check out Fancy Feast’s website, and stay connected on Instagram and Twitter.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securingsexuality.com
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 225: An Inside Look at the World of Burlesque
At the beginning of the 20th century, burlesque shows featuring stripteases took the United States by storm. They played on Broadway and were popular across the country. By the end of the century, though, they had all but disappeared. However, burlesque has since made a comeback and is arguably more popular than ever. So let’s dive into the world of modern burlesque! I spoke with a burlesque performer about how she got into the business, the role and meaning of nudity in her performances, how audiences react to her shows, and so much more.
My guest is Fancy Feast, a Brooklyn-based burlesque performer, writer, and sex educator whose work has been profiled on NPR, Refinery29, and The Huffington Post. Her debut book, Naked: On Sex, Work, and Other Burlesques, is set for release next month.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- At its core, what makes something a burlesque performance?
- What are some of the different meanings of nudity for burlesque performers, and how is this communicated to the audience?
- What does the process of preparing for a burlesque show look like?
- How do local laws limit what performers can do in their acts?
- How (and why) do people’s opinions about burlesque differ from other forms of sex work?
To learn more, you can check out Fancy Feast’s website, and stay connected on Instagram and Twitter.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 224: The Appeal of the MILF
MILF is one of the most searched for terms on popular porn sites year after year. So why are so many heterosexual guys drawn to hot, middle-aged mother figures? In the previous episode, we talked a bit about why older women are drawn to younger guys; so in this show, we’re going to explore the opposite perspective. We’re also going to dive a little further into the reality series MILF Manor and discuss why you can make a show about older women seeking younger guys, but you could never make a show about older men seeking younger women.
I am joined once again by Ashley Weller, a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also has a podcast called What’s Your Position which tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why do so many young guys find MILFs to be so hot?
- What actually makes someone a “MILF” anyway? Is it about age? Confidence? Something else?
- Why are age-gap relationships becoming more acceptable when the older partner is a woman, but less acceptable when the older partner is a man?
- We also explore the wide range of reactions the male contestants had to being on MILF Manor, what this show tells us about sex ed and sexual communication, the sexual double standard, and more.
You can find Ashley on Instagram and check out her Linktree to stay connected.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2337-lehmiller
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securingsexuality.com
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 223: Older Women Who Date Younger Men
Whenever an older female celebrity dates a younger guy, it tends to make the news. These women, often referred to as “cougars” or “MILFS,” have long had their relationships subject to scrutiny and stigma. However, the narrative around them has shifted, and nowadays, they’re frequently celebrated in the media. Case in point: the recent arrival of the popular reality series MILF Manor, a show in which a group of middle-aged moms date each other’s sons. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into why so many older women are into younger guys, what their relationships are like, and do a little analysis of MILF Manor.
My guest today is Ashley Weller, a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She hosts a podcast called What’s Your Position that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How common are age-gap relationships?
- Why might an older heterosexual woman want to date a significantly younger guy?
- Is MILF Manor a sign of progress, or is it feeding stereotypes around women and aging?
- We also explore the dynamics between moms and their sons on the show, the unrealistic beauty standards older women are held to, and why a show that was designed to facilitate sexual and romantic connections struggled to produce matches.
You can find Ashley on Instagram and check out her Linktree to stay connected.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 222: From KitKat to Berghain, Inside Berlin’s Sex Clubs
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think about the city of Berlin, Germany? There’s a good chance that you pictured a kinky nightclub. It’s estimated that as many as 1 in 3 visitors to Berlin goes specifically for these clubs. In today’s show, we’re going to explore how Berlin became a hub for kinky nightlife and discuss what it’s actually like inside two of Berlin’s most famous spots, the KitKat Club and Berghain. We’ll also take a look at how consent works in a sex club and give you some pro-tips on getting into Berlin’s clubs because they’re known as being notoriously difficult to enter.
I am joined once again by Jeff Mannes, a social scientist, speaker, tour guide, sex educator, and freelance writer living in Berlin. Since 2018, he has been running his critically acclaimed guided tour “Berlin’s History of Sex” in Augmented Reality. This year, he launched additional guided tours on “The Story of Berlin’s Clubs” and “Berlin’s Queer & Trans History.”
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What role did the Berlin wall play in leading the city to become a nightlife hotspot?
- What could someone expect to see or experience if they visited KitKat or Berghain?
- What is a dark room, and why are they so common in Berlin and across Europe?
- How does consent work in sex club and group sex environments?
- How do Berlin’s clubs deal with privacy when everyone has a smartphone?
To learn more, check out Jeff’s Berlin Guide website for information on all of his tours.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2336-lehmiller
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 221: Berlin’s Kinky Sexual History
Earlier this year, I taught a study abroad course on sex and culture in Berlin. As part of that trip, we took a three-hour guided tour on Berlin’s sexual history, and it was fascinating! I wanted to share what we learned with you, so I invited our wonderful tour guide onto the show to give us the highlight reel. In this episode, we’re going to chat about the roots of Berlin’s sexual liberation, which trace back more than a century. We’ll also discuss the history of sex research and therapy in Germany, which is equally fascinating.
My guest is Jeff Mannes, a social scientist, speaker, tour guide, sex educator, and freelance writer living in Berlin. Since 2018, he has been running his critically acclaimed guided tour “Berlin’s History of Sex” in Augmented Reality. This year, he launched additional guided tours on “The Story of Berlin’s Clubs” and “Berlin’s Queer & Trans History.”
Some of the topics we explore include:
- How can Berlin’s modern reputation for sex-positivity be traced back to the Roaring 20s?
- Who was Magnus Hirshfeld, and why is he a pivotal figure in the history of sex?
- How did the Nazis’ rise to power alter the sexual landscape in Germany?
- How did the post-WWII era shift towards sex-positivity in Berlin?
- Are attitudes towards sex in Berlin becoming more conservative today?
To learn more, check out Jeff’s Berlin Guide website for information on all of his tours.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securingsexuality.com
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 220: The Medicalization of Sex
We live in an era where the preferred treatment for most health issues, including sexual problems, is increasingly a pill. However, this medicalized approach frequently overlooks the root cause. At their core, sex problems often stem from feelings of shame or guilt, inadequate sex ed, and mistaken ideas about what’s “normal” with regard to sex and the human body. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss the problem with overmedicalizing sex problems, as well as the tricky business of defining what constitutes a sexual “disorder” in the first place.
I am joined once again by Dr. Cynthia Graham, a professor of gender studies at Indiana University and a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute. She has been editor-in-chief of the Journal of Sex Research since 2009. Her current research focuses on male condom use, hormonal contraceptives, women’s sexuality, women’s sexual pleasure, sexual problems, and sexual health among older adults.
Some of the questions we discuss in this episode include:
- What do we mean when we say the “medicalization of sex?”
- How can searching for a biomedical cure to all sexual difficulties be problematic?
- How has the conceptualization of sexual disorders changed over time?
- Is it even possible to create objective definitions of sexual disorders?
- How common are sexual difficulties, really?
To stay connected, you can find Cynthia on Twitter.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2335-lehmiller
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash.
Episode 219: It’s Time To Build A Better Condom
Condoms are one of the best tools we have available for protecting our sexual health. However, modern condoms leave something to be desired. It is so easy to point to problems with condoms that make them difficult to use, that increase the odds of making mistakes, and that reduce sexual pleasure. Better education around condoms could reduce some of these problems, but we also need to start building better condoms! So in today’s show, we’re going to talk all about condoms, including why it seems harder than ever to get people to use them and how to best promote correct and consistent usage.
My guest is Dr. Cynthia Graham, a professor of gender studies at Indiana University and a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute. She has been editor-in-chief of the Journal of Sex Research since 2009. Her current research focuses on male condom use, hormonal contraceptives, women’s sexuality, women’s sexual pleasure, sexual problems, and sexual health among older adults.
Some of the questions we discuss in this episode include:
- Why is it harder to get people to use condoms today than it was a few decades ago?
- What are the most common condom mistakes/errors people make?
- How can we make condom use more pleasurable?
- Why does it seem so hard to build better condoms?
- Which interventions are most effective at promoting correct and consistent condom use?
To stay connected, you can find Cynthia on Twitter.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securingsexuality.com
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash.
Episode 218: The Psychology of Dick Pics
There is undoubtedly a dark side to dick pics, such as when they’re sent without consent or used as a form of harassment. However, when shared consensually, there’s a positive side worth acknowledging. This is the second part in a 2-part series on the psychology of dick pics. In the last episode, we talked all about the dominant (and negative) narratives we hear in the popular media about these photos. So, today, we’re going to talk about the rarely discussed positive side of consensual dick pics, as well as what makes for a good dick pic in the first place (hint: put a little effort into it!).
I am joined once again by Dr. Andrea Waling, a Senior Research Fellow at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health, and Society at La Trobe University. Her current research project, Men, Sex and Intimacy, explores how young, heterosexual men in Australia are navigating and negotiating intimacy, sex, sexual health and consent in wake of #MeToo politics. Her latest book is titled Exploring the Cultural Phenomenon of the Dick Pic.
Some of the questions we discuss in this episode include:
- What does it mean to think about dick pics reparatively?
- How can dick pics be an avenue to intimacy?
- What do women say are the qualities of a good dick pic?
- How can dick pics help men construct a positive sense of self?
- If you’re thinking about sending a dick pic to someone, what do you need to know?
To learn more, check out Andrea’s website and stay connected on Twitter and Linkedin. You can also read our review of her most recent book here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2334-lehmiller
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 217: A Cultural History of the Dick Pic
One of the most popular posts I’ve ever written on the Sex and Psychology blog was about why so many men send unsolicited dick pics to women. At the time, there wasn’t much research on the subject, but the data suggested that guys who do this are either clueless or narcissistic (or worse). This has fed a growing (and extreme) online narrative that all dick pics are bad, even when they’re sent consensually. So let’s take a closer look at the dick pic.
I have a two-part series for you about the science of dick picks. In this show, we’re going to focus on the cultural history of the dick pic and the four most common narratives we hear about dick pics in the media. Next time, we’re going to talk about a new way of thinking about dick pics, as well as their positive side when shared consensually.
My guest is Dr. Andrea Waling, a Senior Research Fellow at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health, and Society at La Trobe University. Her current research project, Men, Sex and Intimacy, explores how young, heterosexual men in Australia are navigating and negotiating intimacy, sex, sexual health and consent in wake of #MeToo politics. Her latest book is titled Exploring the Cultural Phenomenon of the Dick Pic.
Some of the questions we discuss in this episode include:
- Why write a whole book all about dick pics?
- How do you secure government funding for research when you’re doing the “dirty work” of studying sex?
- How has the cultural history of the penis shaped modern attitudes towards it?
- What are the four themes about why men send dick pics that dominate academic work and public discourse?
- Are dick pics always a form of harassment? Are men who send dick pics narcissists?
To learn more, check out Andrea’s website and stay connected on Twitter and Linkedin. You can also read our review of her most recent book here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securingsexuality.com
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash.
Episode 216: How Opening Up A Relationship Can Change You
There is an “awakening of self” that happens when people practice non-monogamy. This awakening has the potential to be exciting and exhilarating, but also frightening and destabilizing because you and your partner(s) may change in ways that you never anticipated. In today’s show, we’re going to explore a helpful model for understanding where each partner is during a relationship transition. This framework can serve as a useful practical guide when it comes to navigating the challenges that occur in the process of opening up or when exploring a new form of non-monogamy.
I am joined once again by Jessica Fern and David Cooley, the co-authors of the new book, Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships. Jessica is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She is also author of the book Polysecure, which we spoke about previously on the show. David is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator, who created the Restorative Relationship Conversations Model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.
Some of the specific questions we discuss in this episode include:
- What does an “awakening of self” look like? How can opening up a relationship change you?
- What are the 5 different stages in the process of self-awakening?
- Why do partners sometimes move in different directions during a self-awakening?
- In what ways is self-awakening a positive experience? In what ways is it painful?
To learn more, you can visit Jessica and David’s websites, and preorder Polywise here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Thinking about opening your relationship? Get help from Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex and relationship education directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2333-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 215: Dealing With Differences In Relationships
We tend to be attracted to partners who are similar to us—and that makes sense. But no matter how similar you and your partner are, there are always going to be some areas where you differ. And while those differences have the potential to help a relationship thrive, they can also drive you apart. So let’s talk about navigating differences in relationships. In this episode, we’re going to focus on dealing with differences when you’re in a consensually non-monogamous relationship, but a lot of the information is applicable no matter what kind of relationship you’re in.
My guests today are Jessica Fern and David Cooley, the co-authors of the new book, Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships. Jessica is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She is also author of the book Polysecure, which we spoke about previously on the show. David is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator, who created the Restorative Relationship Conversations Model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.
Some of the specific questions we discuss in this episode include:
- How important is similarity in relationships?
- How can opening up a relationship amplify differences between partners?
- How do you navigate communication differences in relationships?
- Why is it important for partners to do an inventory of their similarities and differences?
- How can non-monogamy help relationships thrive when big differences exist between partners?
To learn more, you can visit Jessica and David’s websites, and preorder Polywise here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securingsexuality.com
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 214: Common Sex Questions, Answered
If you ask any sex educator, researcher, or therapist what the most common question they receive is, they’re probably going to have a very quick answer. People ask us a LOT of sex questions—and the same ones have a tendency of popping up over and over again. So let’s talk about some of the most common things that people ask us about!
I am joined once again by Danielle Bezalel, also known as DB. She holds a degree in public health from Columbia University and is the creator, executive producer, and host of the Sex Ed with DB podcast.
Some of the questions we answer in this episode include:
- Does penis size really matter?
- How much is “too much” when it comes to masturbation?
- What are some healthy ways to share your sexual interests with a partner?
- Does “body count” matter? Should we care about the number of people our partners have had sex with?
- If you’ve never had an orgasm before or are not sure if you’ve had one, what do you need to know?
To stay connected, you can check out DB’s website, and find her on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. You can also sign up for DB’s workshop “Building a Profitable Online Sexual Health Brand” here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Explore your kinky side with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2332-lehmiller
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 213: The Business of Sex
Making a sustainable living as a sex educator is harder than it sounds. Despite all you’ve heard about how “sex sells,” it’s actually a much tougher sell than you might think! There are a lot of challenges to navigate when you’re talking about a controversial subject like sex on a daily basis, so let’s talk about being in the business of sex and how to build a thriving career in this area.
My guest today is Danielle Bezalel, also known as DB. She holds a degree in public health from Columbia University and is the creator, executive producer, and host of the Sex Ed with DB podcast.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What are some common challenges of trying to “sell” sex education?
- How do you talk about sex on social media without getting censored or banned?
- How can you build a financially sustainable business as a sex educator?
- How do you balance building industry relationships without giving away too much for free?
- What are some of the best parts of being a sex educator?
To stay connected, you can check out DB’s website, and find her on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. You can also sign up for DB’s workshop “Building a Profitable Online Sexual Health Brand” here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Explore the intersection of sex and technology at this year’s Security Sexuality Conference, which will be held October 19th and 20th in Detroit, MI. Securing Sexuality is the premier conference for people passionate about promoting sex positive, science-based, and secure interpersonal relationships. Continuing education credits are available for qualified professionals. Purchase your pass at securitysexuality.com
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 212: What Sex Therapy Is Really Like
A lot of people have ideas about sex therapy that are totally wrong. For example, some people seem to think that the therapist is going to be having sex with you, or that they’re going to watch you have sex. This could not be further from the truth! So let’s talk about what sex therapy is and isn’t. In this show, we’re also going to explore who sex therapy is for, how long it typically lasts, how well it works, and much more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Jennifer Vencill, an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Dr. Vencill’s first popular press book is titled DESIRE: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which she co-authored with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What are some common things people get wrong about sex therapy?
- When someone visits a sex therapist for the first time, what might that first session look like?
- How long might someone expect to be in sex therapy to resolve a sexual problem?
- Who is a good candidate for sex therapy?
- What does couples sex therapy look like?
- How successful is sex therapy at treating and resolving sexual and relationship difficulties?
To stay connected, you can follow Jennifer on Instagram.
Looking for a sex therapist? Check out this page for a handy list of therapist locater tools.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Make oral sex your superpower with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Sign up today for Beducated’s FREE oral sex video training at https://beducate.me/lm2331-lehmiller
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 211: Tips For Improving Sexual Communication
The most commonly offered piece of sex advice I hear people give is to communicate more. While this advice certainly makes sense, simply telling people to “communicate more” can ring kind of hollow if it’s not coupled with information on how to do it. Most of us recognize the importance of communication; however, we don’t always do it because we often lack communication skills. So let’s talk about how to talk about sex!
I am joined once again by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. Along with Jennifer Vencill, Lauren is co-author of the forthcoming book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which we covered in the previous two episodes.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How can partners get in the habit of talking about sex without it being a source of anxiety?
- What are some strategies for bringing up sexual difficulties with a partner?
- How can we express our “no’s” and hear a partner’s “no’s” in more productive ways?
- What are some healthy ways to share our fantasies and desires with a partner?
- How can you leverage non-verbal communication to express your sexual wants and needs?
To learn more, make sure to check out Lauren’s website and connect with her on Instagram.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 210: When You Want More Sex Than Your Partner
In the previous episode, we talked about sexual desire discrepancies, which occur when partners want different amounts of sex in a relationship. In that show, we focused on how to navigate this situation when you’re the partner with less sexual desire. Today, we’re going to focus on the flipside: what to do when you’re the partner with more sexual desire. No matter which side of the desire discrepancy you’re on, it can be a difficult situation to navigate, but there are lot of tips and strategies you can explore to help bridge the divide.
My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Vencill, an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Dr. Vencill’s first popular press book is titled DESIRE: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which she co-authored with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What is the role of gender in sexual desire discrepancies?
- What does it mean to have “high libido” anyway?
- How can looking at your own motivations for sex help manage discrepant desire?
- What are the roles of self-pleasure and consensual non-monogamy in navigating desire discrepancies?
- What can a high-desire partner do to be supportive of a partner who might have lower desire due to trauma?
To stay connected, you can follow Jennifer on Instagram.
Thank you to our sponsors!
CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 209: When You Want Less Sex Than Your Partner
In long-term sexual relationships, partners aren’t always on the same page about sex. This is normal. However, when a sexual desire discrepancy becomes large and persistent, it can become a significant source of conflict and distress. So let’s talk about how to navigate desire discrepancies. This is the first episode in a two-part series on the subject. Today, we’re going to discuss what to do when you’re the one who wants less sex. In the next episode, we’re going to talk about the flipside: what to do when you’re the partner who wants more sex.
My guest is Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. She is the co-author of the forthcoming book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. Her co-author of this book, Jennifer Vencill, will join me for the next episode.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How common are sexual desire discrepancies?
- What are some of the factors that can negatively affect libido and lead to a decline in sexual desire?
- What does it really mean to have “low libido?” Is your libido actually low, or does it just seem low compared to your partner?
- What are some strategies for reconnecting with your partner when dealing with low libido?
- What is sensate focus, and how can it be helpful in dealing with a sexual desire discrepancy?
To learn more, make sure to check out Lauren’s website and connect with her on Instagram.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 208: The History of Fetishes, Pegging, and Kinky Scientists
From Albert Einstein to James Joyce, it turns out that a lot of revered historical figures had fascinating intimate lives and a proclivity for kink. So let’s continue the discussion of kinky history we started in the previous episode! Today, we’re going to talk about the kinky sex lives of some famous folks from the past, but we’re also going to explore the history and evolution of various sexual behaviors, from oral sex to pegging to foot fetishes.
I am joined once again by Esmé Louise James, who is best known for her series Kinky History, which has amassed nearly 3 million followers across her social media accounts. Esmé is a PhD candidate at the University of Melbourne and author of the upcoming book Kinky History: The Stories Behind Our Intimate Lives, Past and Present. She also hosts the popular Kinky History podcast.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How long have humans been practicing fellatio, cunnilingus, and rimming? And how have these behaviors changed over time?
- Is pegging really a new sexual practice?
- Why might fetishes and kinks rise during epidemics and pandemics?
- Why have feet historically been one of the most common fetish objects?
- What are the kinky histories of author James Joyce and scientist Albert Einstein?
To learn more, check out Esmé’s website, and stay connected with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.
Thank you to our sponsors!
CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 207: The History of Kinky Sex
It turns out that for as long as humans have been having sex, they’ve been having pretty kinky sex! So let’s talk about our kinky history. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the history of BDSM, the origins of the dildo and vibrator (and how they came to be so popular), the world’s first pornographic novel (Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure), and more. All of these things have fascinating stories behind them—and learning about them can help us to better understand modern human sexuality.
I am joined by Esmé Louise James, who is best known for her series Kinky History, which has amassed nearly 3 million followers across her social media accounts. Esmé is a PhD candidate at the University of Melbourne and author of the upcoming book Kinky History: The Stories Behind Our Intimate Lives, Past and Present. She also hosts the popular Kinky History podcast.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why is it important for us to understand kinky history in a way that isn’t centered around shame and gossip?
- How long have humans been into kink and BDSM?
- When did humans start making dildos?
- What are the origins of the vibrator, and how did it come to be so popular?
- What is the significance of the book Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure?
- What is a day in the life of a sex historian like?
To learn more, check out Esmé’s website, and stay connected with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 206: Making Ethical Non-Monogamy Work
In recent years, the term “ethical non-monogamy” has gone mainstream. But what does it actually mean to be ethically non-monogamous? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re also going to explore some common myths and misconceptions about it, tips for making ethically non-monogamous relationships work, as well as red flags to look out for.
I am joined once again by Leanne Yau, also known as Poly Philia. She is a polyamory educator and sex-positive social media influencer, creating and curating humorous and educational memes, tips, videos, and other bite-size content on non-monogamy, queer relationships, and sex positivity. She was named #1 in Cosmopolitan’s “10 Polyamory Experts to Follow on TikTok.” She is currently in training to become a polyamory-friendly therapist.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What does it mean for non-monogamy to be “ethical?”
- What do the terms “one-penis policy” and “unicorn hunting” mean? And why are they red flags in the world of non-monogamy?
- How can an overemphasis on fairness lead to a competitive dynamic in polyamory?
- Can polyamory be ethical regardless of whether it’s hierarchical or non-hierarchical?
- How can individuals establish healthy and workable non-monogamy agreements?
Make sure to check out Leanne’s website, and connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 205: One Woman’s Polyamorous Journey
Interest in polyamory is on the rise. Google searches for it have been increasing for years, it’s increasingly being discussed in the popular media, and some municipalities are starting to offer legal recognition of polyamorous relationships. So what is it actually like to be polyamorous? My guest today is going to share her own personal poly journey. We’re going to discuss the benefits and challenges of multi-partner relationships, when the right time is to open up a monogamous relationship, and so much more.
I am joined by Leanne Yau, also known as Poly Philia. She is a polyamory educator and sex-positive social media influencer, creating and curating humorous and educational memes, tips, videos, and other bite-size content on non-monogamy, queer relationships, and sex positivity. She was named #1 in Cosmopolitan’s “10 Polyamory Experts to Follow on TikTok.” She is currently in training to become a polyamory-friendly therapist.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How is age related to interest in polyamory?
- Is it easier to introduce non-monogamy at the start of a relationship, or to wait until later?
- What are some of the biggest benefits of being non-monogamous? What are some of the biggest challenges?
- How do relationship structures and agreements change over time in polyamory?
Make sure to check out Leanne’s website, and connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 204: More Fascinating Facts About Sex
It is hard to believe, but we recently reached episode number 200 of this podcast! So how do you celebrate 200 episodes of a sex show? I decided to put together a compilation of some of the most fascinating facts about sex we’ve discussed to date. One of my co-managing editors at Sex and Psychology, Olivia Adams, helped me to narrow down several segments that are well worth revisiting. Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- “Erotic self-focus” or the degree to which you turn yourself on, with guest Dr. Marta Meana (Episode 126)
- The growing number of men who are involuntarily celibate, with guest William Costello (Episode 133)
- What women are looking for in their affairs (and how they feel about them), with guest Susan Shapiro Barash (Episode 191)
- How religious values shape the way we interpret our own porn use, with guest Dr. Joshua Grubbs (Episode 186)
- The benefits of being single and how they change with age, with guest Dr. Yuthika Girme (Episode 174)
In this show, I mentioned that there’s a guide for how to use this podcast as a companion teaching resource alongside my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality. This resource is already up on the site, and you can access it here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started.
Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 203: Digital Touch – Can Technology Meet Our Intimate Needs?
Humans are wired to feel good when we get the kind of touch that we want. But when we can’t get that, it’s bad for both our physical and psychological health. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, most Americans said that they weren’t getting enough intimacy and affection, and this number has only increased since. So how can we fill this touch void in our lives? Could modern technology offer some solutions? In today’s show, we’re going to discuss digital touch and whether tech might offer new and effective ways to meet our need for intimate contact.
I am joined once again by Dr. Michael Banissy, an award-winning Professor in Social Neuroscience and a science communicator. He has received multiple prizes for his contributions to Psychological Science, including a medal from the British Psychological Society. Touch Matters: Handshakes, Hugs, and the New Science on How Touch Can Enhance Your Well-Being is his first book (note that in the UK, his book is titled When We Touch).
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- Why is touch crucial to making virtual reality an immersive experience?
- How close is modern technology to mimicking real-life sensations of touch?
- To what extent can technology be an effective substitute for human touch?
- Is it realistic to think we can get the same benefits from mechanical touch that we can from human touch?
- What are the ethical concerns surrounding digital touch?
Make sure to check out Michael’s website to learn more, and connect with him on Twitter and Instagram.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 202: Why Touch Is So Important In Relationships
One of the keys to maintaining healthy, long-term romantic relationships is physical intimacy. I’m not just talking about sex, though. For many reasons, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more so. In today’s show, we’re going to do a deep dive into why touch is so powerful, as well as why affectionate touch is one of the best ways to initiate sex and to have great sex. We’re also going to explore practical tips for bringing more touch into your relationships.
I am joined by Dr. Michael Banissy, an award-winning Professor in Social Neuroscience and a science communicator. He has received multiple prizes for his contributions to Psychological Science, including a medal from the British Psychological Society. Touch Matters: Handshakes, Hugs, and the New Science on How Touch Can Enhance Your Well-Being is his first book (note that in the UK, his book is titled When We Touch).
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- Why is kissing such an important part of intimate touch?
- How does culture influence our preferred forms of intimate touch?
- How and why is hugging beneficial for our relationships?
- Why is touch so important during sexual initiation?
- How can physical affection help to unlock the benefits of sex on our well-being?
- What does it mean to “make affection, not love?”
Make sure to check out Michael’s website to learn more, and connect with him on Twitter and Instagram.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 201: What We Fantasize About, And How To Share Your Fantasies
Let’s talk about sexual fantasies! In today’s show, we’re going to explore what people fantasize about doing sexually—and how that varies around the world. So how does culture influence what we fantasize about? We’re also going to discuss how people feel about their fantasies, where our fantasies come from, and how they change over the course of our lives. In addition, we’ll talk about some practical tips and tricks for sharing fantasies with a partner in case you’re interested in bringing them to life.
I am joined once again by Mariëlle de Goede, a psychologist and researcher from Amsterdam. From 2018 to 2021, she and her colleagues at Company New Heroes conducted the largest ever study of sexual fantasies in the Netherlands and Belgium as part of a creative project titled Yes, Please! They interviewed over 400 people about their fantasies and subsequently published a Dutch-language book about their findings under the same name.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How similar or different are sexual fantasy themes around the world?
- Why do Europeans seem to fantasize about cuckolding less than Americans?
- How might our political beliefs affect our fantasies?
- How do people feel about their sexual fantasies?
- What do we know about the origins of our fantasies?
- What’s the best way to share a fantasy with a partner?
Head over to Company New Heroes’ website and Instagram page to learn more. You can also check out the Instagram and website for Yes, Please! Additionally, Mariëlle’s book can be found on the publisher’s website and on Amazon.
Thank you to our sponsors!
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Let therapy be your map and get on your way to being your best self with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH to get 10% off your first month.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 200: Inside the World of Sexual Fantasies
Sexual fantasies are fascinating! There is so much diversity and variability in the way we envision these scenarios, so let’s talk about it. Today, we’re going to dive into some of the interesting details of our fantasy worlds, including where they take place, the perspective from which we see things, and the storylines they follow.
My guest is Mariëlle de Goede, a psychologist and researcher from Amsterdam. From 2018 to 2021, she and her colleagues at Company New Heroes conducted the largest ever study of sexual fantasies in the Netherlands and Belgium as part of a creative project titled Yes, Please! They interviewed over 400 people about their fantasies and subsequently published a Dutch-language book about their findings under the same name.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What questions should you ask when interviewing people about their sexual fantasies?
- Beyond vision, what role do the other senses (smell, taste, sound, touch) play in sexual fantasies?
- Where do people usually fantasize about having sex? How important is the setting in our fantasies?
- Do we usually appear in our own fantasies and, if so, how do we tend to represent ourselves?
- Do people tend to see their fantasies from a first-person POV perspective, or from a third-person perspective (i.e., like they’re watching a movie)?
- Do fantasies usually have a distinct storyline with a beginning, middle, and end?
Head over to Company New Heroes’ website and Instagram page to learn more. You can also check out the Instagram and website for Yes, Please! Additionally, Mariëlle’s book can be found on the publisher’s website and on Amazon.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 199: Behind the Scenes on a Porn Set
Have you ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes when porn is filmed? There’s a lot more that goes into it than you might think! In today’s show, I’m going to interview a porn director about her process, including where she gets her ideas about what kinds of films to make in the first place. We’ll also talk about all the work and conversations that happen long before people ever strip down and start having sex, what it’s like to be on a porn set, how long it takes to film a scene, as well as what happens after filming ends.
My guest today is Paulita Pappel, a Spanish filmmaker and feminist pornographer. She is the founder of Lustery, a platform dedicated to the sex lives of real-life couples from around the world, as well as the co-director of HardWerk, a hardcore film studio creating cinematic and tailored gangbangs. She also co-organizes and curates the Pornfilmfestival Berlin. Paulita works as a producer, director, performer and intimacy coordinator, and is an advocate for a sex-positive, consent-based culture.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What is it like to be on the set of an adult film?
- Is the sex scripted/choreographed, or does it occur organically?
- What’s going on inside a director’s mind during filming?
- Is making adult films an arousing experience?
- What does aftercare look like in the world of porn?
Be sure to check out more on Paulita’s website, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram to stay connected.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 198: The Rise of Ethical and Feminist Porn
Over the last decade or so, many of the conversations about porn taking place in the popular media have shifted to the topics of ethical porn and feminist porn. But what does it really mean for porn to be ethical or feminist in nature? Does this imply that all mainstream porn is inherently unethical? Can we really think about the porn industry in these black-and-white, good vs. bad terms? Let’s talk about it!
My guest today is Paulita Pappel, a Spanish filmmaker and feminist pornographer. She is the founder of Lustery, a platform dedicated to the sex lives of real-life couples from around the world, as well as the co-director of HardWerk, a hardcore film studio creating cinematic and tailored gangbangs. She also co-organizes and curates the Pornfilmfestival Berlin. Paulita works as a producer, director, performer and intimacy coordinator, and is an advocate for a sex-positive, consent-based culture.
Some of the topics we discuss on this episode include:
- What do the terms “ethical porn” and “feminist porn” mean?
- What are some specific actions directors can take to bring ethical and feminist values into filmmaking?
- What does it mean to be an ethical porn consumer?
- As a porn consumer, what should you be looking for in order to support ethical productions?
- How can we convince people to start paying for their porn?
Be sure to check out more on Paulita’s website, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram to stay connected.
You can also read our review of Paulita’s “How To Watch Porn” course here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episodes 197: Why People In Happy Relationships Cheat
While it might be tempting to assume that people who cheat aren’t in very satisfying relationships, it turns out that even people who are very happy and in love with their partners sometimes commit infidelity, too. So why is that? Let’s talk about it. I recently released a few episodes of the show looking at women who have affairs (Eps 190 and 191), so we’re going to focus more on men today. Specifically we’re going to look at a new study of Ashely Madison users, a website that facilitates affairs and has a mostly male audience. We’re going to discuss why men (including those in happy relationships) have affairs and how it affects their primary relationships.
I am joined by Dr. Dylan Selterman, a social/personality psychologist and an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Johns Hopkins University. Dylan is a TEDx speaker and has written for The Washington Post, National Geographic, and Psychology Today. He also co-hosts a podcast called A Bit More Complicated.
Some of the topics we discuss on this episode include:
- How are sexual and relationship satisfaction linked to infidelity?
- How many Ashley Madison users are in open relationships vs. committing infidelity?
- What motivates men to seek affairs?
- How do they feel about their affairs ?
- What predicts whether an affair becomes a breaking point for a relationship?
Be sure to check out Dylan’s website and follow him on Twitter to stay connected. You can also check out our recent blog post about this study to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 196: When Women Are (and Aren’t) Into Casual Sex
Imagine a woman wanders around a college campus and asks 100 different men at random whether they’d have sex with her. Now imagine a man wandering around the same campus asking 100 women for sex. How many people do you think would agree in each case? It turns out that we have the answers because this exact study has been done before! Today’s show is going to be all about how people respond to offers of casual sex from strangers, and how the results are similar or different across persons of different genders and sexualities.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- Why are women less likely to accept offers of casual sex than men?
- Under what circumstances are women most likely to accept offers of casual sex?
- What would happen if a celebrity (vs. a random stranger) asked you for casual sex?
- What is Pleasure Theory, and how can it help us to better understand human sexuality?
- Are lesbians as willing to accept offers of casual sex as gay men?
For further reading on this subject, check out:
Clark, R. D., & Hatfield, E. (1989). Gender differences in receptivity to sexual offers. Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 2(1), 39-55.
Conley, T. D. (2011). Perceived proposer personality characteristics and gender differences in acceptance of casual sex offers. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(2), 309.
Matsick, J. L., Kruk, M., Conley, T. D., Moors, A. C., & Ziegler, A. (2021). Gender Similarities and Differences in Casual Sex Acceptance Among Lesbian Women and Gay Men. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(3), 1151-1166.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 195: Inside a Sex Doll Brothel
In 2017, the world’s first sex doll brothel opened its doors. Since then, several others have opened up in major cities around the world. These brothels exist in a gray legal zone and a lot of governments don’t want them around, which makes it tricky not just to set up shop, but to actually stay in business. So what is a sex doll brothel actually like? Who visits these establishments, what are they looking for, and how much does it cost? Let’s take an inside look at Cybrothel, a very unique sex doll brothel in Berlin where customers pay to have sex with a doll while a human sex worker provides the doll’s voice to make the client’s fantasies come to life.
I am joined once again by Dr. Kenneth Hanson, an Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Wyoming in the Department of Criminal Justice and Sociology. Using qualitative and mixed methods, his work has examined social issues related to artificial intelligence, sexuality, emotions, and sex toys. He has published papers about dating apps, the sex tech industry, Reddit, and sex doll owners.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How is a sex doll brothel different from a traditional brothel?
- How common are sex doll brothels around the world? Where are they located?
- What is it like to serve as the voice for a sex doll?
- Who is the clientele for these brothels?
- What does it cost to visit a sex doll brothel? How does this compare to rates for in-person sex work?
- Will sex doll brothels eventually replace in-person sex work, or are they serving different audiences?
Be sure to check out Kenneth’s website to learn more, and follow him on Twitter to stay connected.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 194: Sex Dolls, Sex Robots, and Chatbots
Modern sextech is rapidly changing the way people gratify their sexual and intimate desires. Sex dolls, sex robots, and chatbots are starting to become more accessible and popular. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss who is using these new technologies, their motivations, and the complex debate that’s playing out in the popular media about whether sextech is a positive or negative force in our lives.
I am joined by Dr. Kenneth Hanson, an Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Wyoming in the Department of Criminal Justice and Sociology. Using qualitative and mixed methods, his work has examined social issues related to artificial intelligence, sexuality, emotions, and sex toys. He has published papers about dating apps, the sex tech industry, Reddit, and sex doll owners.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How many people have ever used a sex doll, chatbot, or sex robot?
- How are age, gender, and relationship status associated with sextech use?
- What are some of the key factors that motivate people to use sex dolls, chatbots, or sex robots?
- How effective is sextech at meeting people’s needs for intimacy and companionship?
- What are some of the key ethical concerns related to sextech?
Be sure to check out Kenneth’s website to learn more, and follow him on Twitter to stay connected.
Thank you to our sponsors!
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH and get on your way to being your best self.
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 193: The Rise of Teen Sexting
In the United States, a whopping 89% of teens now have smartphones. Parents give their kids these devices for numerous reasons, with safety being at the top of the list; however, parents don’t necessarily know or have control over how their kids are using their phones. And a heck of a lot of kids are using them for sexting. This has created a lot of controversy and debate. Some see it as an inherently dangerous trend that poses great risk to teens, whereas others see it as just another way that youth are exploring their sexuality in an increasingly digital word. So let’s talk about teen sexting, including tips for safer-sexting, and what to do if you’ve discovered that your child is sexting.
I am joined once again by Dr. Michele Meek, a writer, filmmaker, professor, and entrepreneur. She is an Assistant Professor in the Communication Studies department at Bridgewater State University. Her most recent book Consent Culture and Teen Films: Adolescent Sexuality in US Movies delves into the history of adolescent sexuality in the media.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How prevalent is teen sexting?
- What motivates sexting among teens and adolescents?
- How worried should we be about the rise of teen sexting?
- What should parents know about sexting, and what should they be teaching their kids about it?
- How does sex ed need to change to best serve today’s youth?
Be sure to check out Michele’s website to learn more about her films, writing, and other projects.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 192: Consent Culture in Television and Film
When people today look back at popular films and TV shows from decades past, they are often completely aghast at the sex scenes. Through our modern lens, they frequently read as problematic. While things have certainly changed in recent years, consent remains an elusive ideal, and one that Hollywood still struggles to get right with on-screen portrayals of sex. So let’s explore how consent culture is shaping the way that sexuality (and, in particular, teenage sexuality) is depicted in the media.
For today’s episode, I am joined by Dr. Michele Meek, a writer, filmmaker, professor, and entrepreneur. She is an Assistant Professor in the Communication Studies department at Bridgewater State University. Her most recent book Consent Culture and Teen Films: Adolescent Sexuality in US Movies delves into the history of adolescent sexuality in the media.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How have portrayals of teen sexuality on screen changed over time?
- What does the term “consent culture” mean?
- How is consent culture changing the way sexuality is portrayed in popular media?
- How does media exposure impact young viewers when it comes to sexuality and relationships?
- What are some examples of films or media that can serve as teachable moments about consent?
Be sure to check out Michele’s website to learn more about her films, writing, and other projects.
Thank you to our sponsors!
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The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 191: The 4 Types of Affairs Women Have
Picture a married heterosexual woman who is having an affair. Why do you think she’s engaging in infidelity? It is purely about sex and pleasure? Is it about intimacy and emotional connection? Is she doing it just because she can? Women’s affairs can take a lot of different forms, so let’s talk about them. In today’s show, we’re going to explore four distinct types of affairs that women have, as well as how women feel about their affairs. Are they happy that they did it, or do they have regrets?
I am joined once again by author Susan Shapiro Barash. She has written thirteen nonfiction books on women’s issues. She also writes fiction under her pen name Susannah Marren. Susan’s latest book is titled A Passion for More: Affairs that Make or Break Us. In this book, Susan presents three decades of research she conducted on heterosexual women in monogamous relationships who committed infidelity.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What motivates women to have affairs?
- What is the difference between an empowering affair, a sex-driven affair, a love affair, and a self-esteem affair?
- Are some types of affairs more prevalent than others?
- How did the pandemic impact women’s infidelity?
- How do women feel about the affairs they’re had?
Be sure to check out Susan’s website to learn more, and be sure to check out Episode 190 for even more on Susan’s work
Thank you to our sponsors!
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 190: Women Who Stray – The Rise of Female Infidelity
Rates of infidelity have risen over the last half-century; however, if you break the data down by gender, it turns out that men’s rate of infidelity has remained relatively stable, whereas women’s has increased. So what’s behind the rise in female infidelity? And what are the implications of this for modern-day marriages and relationships? Let’s talk about it!
I am joined today by author Susan Shapiro Barash. She has written thirteen nonfiction books on women’s issues. She also writes fiction under her pen name Susannah Marren. Susan’s latest book is titled A Passion for More: Affairs that Make or Break Us. In this book, Susan presents three decades of research she conducted on heterosexual women in monogamous relationships who committed infidelity.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- Are women today actually cheating more, or are they just more willing to admit to it than they were in the past?
- What role does technology play in women’s infidelity?
- How is age related to having an affair among women?
- In what ways do women say that affairs made their relationships or marriages better?
- At what point do affairs become a catalyst to leave a relationship?
Be sure to check out Susan’s website to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 189: What Asexuality Is, And Isn’t
Asexuality is a broad umbrella term that refers to individuals who do not experience sexual attraction to others, or who only do so under rare or limited circumstances. Growing research in this area is helping to shed important light on the nature of asexuality because there are a lot of misconceptions about it, such as the idea that asexuality is a sexual dysfunction. But that’s not the case—and that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re going to be exploring a new study that looks at sexual arousal and response in asexual men. The results are fascinating and help to give us a better understanding of what asexuality is and is not.
I am joined once again by Dr. Malvina Skorska, a Postdoctoral Fellow at the University of Toronto Mississauga and at Brock University. She is also in training to become a psychotherapist in order to bridge both research and clinical work. Her research focuses on sexual orientation and gender dysphoria and has been published in leading scientific journals.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- How is asexuality defined scientifically?
- Why is it important to study asexual person’s sexual response and function?
- What can studying asexual persons’ sexual response and function tell us about the nature of asexuality?
- When showing people erotic films, how are asexual men’s sexual responses similar to or different from those of gay and heterosexual men?
- How are the fantasies of asexual men different from men of other sexual orientations?
- What do we know about sexual arousal and response in asexual women?
Be sure to check out Malvina’s website to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 188: Where Does Our Sexual Orientation Come From?
Where does a person’s sexual orientation come from? Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of studies have attempted to answer this question. This research suggests that there isn’t a simple explanation and that two people might develop the same sexual orientation for very different reasons. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about the current state of the science, including what we know about the roles of immunological, hormonal, and genetic factors. We’re also going to discuss why we know less about the development of sexual orientation in women than in men, as well as some of the complexities inherent in studying the origins of human sexuality.
My guest is Dr. Malvina Skorska, a Postdoctoral Fellow at the University of Toronto Mississauga and at Brock University. She is also in training to become a psychotherapist in order to bridge both research and clinical work. Her research focuses on sexual orientation and gender dysphoria and has been published in leading scientific journals.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- Why is it important to study how sexual orientation develops?
- How is sexual orientation defined in scientific research, given that sexual attraction, behavior, and identity do not overlap perfectly?
- Why are men with more older brothers more likely to be gay?
- How is testosterone exposure in the womb related to sexual orientation?
- Is there such a thing as a “gay gene?”
Be sure to check out Malvina’s website to learn more about her work.
Thank you to our sponsors!
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH and get on your way to being your best self.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 187: “Out of Control” Sex – Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder
Some adults feel highly distressed about their porn use. In most of these cases, the root cause of the problem can be traced back to shame or moral conflicts surrounding porn. At the same time, however, not all porn problems stem from moral issues. For some folks, the problem is that they have what’s known as compulsive sexual behavior disorder, which involves “out of control” behavior relating to porn use or other sex acts. This is the final installment of a four-part series on the science of porn and, today, we’re going to do a deep dive into compulsive sexual behavior.
I am joined once again by Dr. Joshua Grubbs, a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the Clinical Psychology program at Bowling Green State University. Josh will soon be joining the faculty in the Clinical Science PhD Program at the University of New Mexico and the Center for Alcohol, Substance use and Addiction. He conducts research on addiction, personality, and morality, he has published more than 100 peer-reviewed articles.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- Compulsive sexual behavior, hypersexuality, and sex addiction are all terms that get thrown around when people report problems stemming from porn use. Which one should we be using?
- What might compulsive sexual behavior disorder look like in everyday life?
- What constitutes “too much” when it comes to porn use or sex?
- How common is compulsive sexual behavior? Is there a gender difference in it?
- What might a typical treatment approach look like for compulsive sexual behavior?
Learn more about Josh on his website, and follow him on Twitter @JoshuaGrubbsPhD.
Thank you to our sponsors!
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH and get on your way to being your best self.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 186: Men Who Use the Least Porn Have the Most Porn Problems
Research on pornography’s effects points to a fascinating paradox: the people who report the most problems stemming from porn use are often the ones using the least porn! How is that possible? That’s what we’re going to be discussing today. This is the third installment in a four-part series on the science of porn. In this show, we’re going to dive into what’s known as moral incongruence, which is when people engage in sexual behaviors, like porn use, that conflict with their moral values. We’re also going to explore how porn affects both religious and non-religious persons, as well as how therapists treat problems relating to moral incongruence.
I am joined by Dr. Joshua Grubbs, a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the Clinical Psychology program at Bowling Green State University. Josh will soon be joining the faculty in the Clinical Science PhD Program at the University of New Mexico and the Center for Alcohol, Substance use and Addiction. He conducts research on addiction, personality, and morality, he has published more than 100 peer-reviewed articles.
Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- What is meant by the term “moral incongruence” and what are some of the ways that this might play out?
- How is moral incongruence related to whether individuals self-identify as “porn addicts?”
- Do religious people have more porn problems than non-religious people, or do their problems just stem from different causes?
- What is the impact of moral incongruence on people’s sex lives and relationships?
- Clinically, how do you help a person who experiences a conflict between their sexual interests and personal values?
Learn more about Josh on his website, and follow him on Twitter @JoshuaGrubbsPhD.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 185: The Problem With Porn “Reboot” And Recovery Programs
The growing anti-porn movement has fueled the rise of an entire industry centered around selling people on the idea of masturbatory abstinence. Often referred to as a “reboot,” these programs encourage men to forego self-pleasure and orgasm for prolonged periods of time, which they say is necessary to reset the brain and boost testosterone. But do these programs work as advertised? This is the second installment in a 4-part series on the science of porn and, today, we’re going to go inside the world of porn addiction recovery programs.
I’m joined once again by Dr. Nicole Prause, a licensed psychologist and sex researcher, founder of the sexual biotechnology company Liberos, and a scientist in the Department of Medicine at UCLA. Nicole has studied the experiences of hundreds of men who tried reboot programs, and the results suggest that these programs may actually be causing harm and taking a toll on men’s mental health.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Where is the rise in anti-porn sentiment coming from?
- What might a typical reboot program look like?
- What does a “relapse” mean in the context of a reboot? How common is this kind of relapse?
- How do men engaged in reboot programs fare in terms of their mental health and sexual function?
- For individuals who feel distressed about their porn usage, what can they do?
Learn more about Nicole and her work over at Liberos and follow her on Twitter @NicoleRPrause.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
On display now in the Kinsey Institute’s Beebe Gallery on the IU Bloomington campus: Universal Language: The Legacy of Sexual and Gender Diversity in the Kinsey Institute Collections. Open to the public on the 3rd floor of Lindley Hall 9:30am – 4pm Monday to Friday. Learn more about upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or follow the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 184: The Truth About “Porn Addiction”
How does porn affect us? And are people becoming “addicted” to it? Today, we’re going to begin a four-part series on the science of porn to better understand its effects. For our first show, we’re going to discuss why different studies of porn have yielded different conclusions, why porn shouldn’t be thought of as addictive in the same way that drugs are, whether there’s a link between porn and sexual violence, as well as how we can have more productive conversations about pornography.
I’m joined by Dr. Nicole Prause, a licensed psychologist and sex researcher who founded the sexual biotechnology company Liberos. She is a former Kinsey Institute trainee and has published an extensive body of research on the neuroscience and psychophysiology of sex. She is currently a scientist at the University of California, Los Angeles in the Department of Medicine.
Some of the topics we discuss on this show include:
- What counts as porn anyway, and how can you accurately measure porn use on surveys when different people hold different definitions of porn?
- Why are there so many discrepant findings in the scientific literature about pornography’s effects?
- Why shouldn’t we think of porn as addictive? How should we think of it instead?
- When people identify porn as a problem in their lives, is porn per se really the issue or is there something else going on?
- In what ways can porn potentially have positive effects on people?
Learn more about Nicole and her work over at Liberos and follow her on Twitter @NicoleRPrause.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Visiting Miami? Check out two art exhibitions from the Kinsey Institute on display at the Wilzig Erotic Art Museum located in the heart of South Beach at 1205 S Washing Ave. Open Monday to Saturday 11am – 6pm. Learn more about upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or follow the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 183: How Atlanta Became a Southern Hub For Vice
Although the Southern United States is often seen as a bastion for conservative sexual values, it has a very deep and rich sexual history worth exploring, especially when you consider a city like Atlanta. Often described as “the strip club capital of America,” Atlanta has long been a home to sex work, as well as LGBTQ nightlife. And these “vice” establishments actually played a vital role in the city’s tremendous growth, both as a place to live and visit. In today’s show, we’re going to pull back the cover on Atlanta’s fascinating sexual history.
I am joined once again by writer and historian Martin Padgett. His is the author of A Night at the Sweet Gum Head, which tells the story of Atlanta’s gay revolution in the 1970s. He is also working on a new book titled The Many Passions of Michael Hardwick, which tells the story of what is arguably the most important gay rights case in history.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How did a burgeoning sex scene develop in in the middle of what has historically been a very conservative state?
- How did the sex scene it Atlanta set the stage for the city’s growth?
- What made Atlanta a popular home and destination for the LGBTQ community?
- How did the nightlife scene in Atlanta help to galvanize the gay rights movement?
- How can visiting so-called “vice” establishments also be a virtue in terms of promoting self-acceptance and sex-positivity?
Find out more about Martin on his website.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Visiting Miami? Check out two art exhibitions from the Kinsey Institute on display at the Wilzig Erotic Art Museum located in the heart of South Beach at 1205 S Washing Ave. Open Monday to Saturday 11am – 6pm. Also, on display now in the Kinsey Institute’s Beebe Gallery on the IU Bloomington campus: Universal Language: The Legacy of Sexual and Gender Diversity in the Kinsey Institute Collections. Open to the public on the 3rd floor of Lindley Hall 9:30am – 4pm Monday to Friday. Learn more about upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or follow the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 182: Could Sodomy Laws Come Back?
Until 1960, sodomy was illegal throughout the entire United States. While this technically made oral and anal sex illegal for everyone, these laws were largely enforced only when sodomy occurred between persons of the same sex. Sodomy laws have since been repealed in most states and, since 2003, they are no longer enforceable anywhere in the country. But does this mean that sodomy laws are gone for good? In the wake of the Roe v Wade reversal, one Supreme Court justice called to revisit the issue, which is setting off alarm bells. So today’s show is all about the past, present, and future of sodomy laws.
I am joined by writer and historian Martin Padgett. His is the author of A Night at the Sweet Gum Head, which tells the story of Atlanta’s gay revolution in the 1970s. He is also working on a new book titled The Many Passions of Michael Hardwick, which tells the story of what is arguably the most important gay rights case in history.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The story of Michael Hardwick, who was arrested for having consensual sex with another man in the 1980s and appealed his case to the highest court in the land.
- The 1986 Bowers v Hardwick Supreme Court case that upheld sodomy laws.
- The 2003 Supreme Court case that declared sodomy laws unconstitutional.
- How the reversal of sodomy laws paved the way for same-sex marriage and non-discrimination laws.
- Current attempts to revive old laws that infringe on sexual and reproductive freedom.
- The future of sodomy laws in the U.S.
Learn more about Martin on his website.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 181: Attachment Styles and Consensual Non-Monogamy
Nationally representative surveys of North American adults have found that about 1 in 5 people say they’ve been in a sexually open relationship at some point, with an even larger number expressing interest in this relationship style. So what makes people more vs. less interested in consensual non-monogamy (CNM)? In today’s show, we’re going to look at how different attachment styles are related to CNM interest and experience. We’re also going to explore the roots of the stigma against sexually open relationships, as well as how this stigma affects CNM partners.
I am joined once again by Dr. Amy Moors, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Chapman University. Her research focuses on sexuality, consensually non-monogamous relationships, and LGBTQ+ issues. Amy has published more than 55 journal articles and book chapters, and has received several awards for her pioneering research on polyamory.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- How is avoidant attachment related to consensual non-monogamy? What about anxious attachment?
- How is the structure of polyamory (i.e., hierarchical vs. non-hierarchical) related to attachment style?
- Why do so many people seem so convinced that consensual non-monogamy just can’t work?
- How can polyamorous individuals identify healthcare providers who are affirming?
- How are attitudes toward polyamory and CNM more broadly changing?
Check out more about Amy and the ONWARD Lab on her website, and be sure to follow Amy on Twitter @ACMoors.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Researchers at Ball State University are currently recruiting participants for a study examining the experiences of individuals in at least one polyamorous relationship. If you are (1) age 18 years or older, (2) currently identify as polyamorous, and (3) are part of at least one consensual polyamorous relationship, visit https://bsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3k3QXZnrXX3rCCy to participate. The survey should take no longer than 45 minutes and you will have an equal opportunity to receive one of forty (40) $25 Tango gift cards for your voluntary participation.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 180: 5 Misconceptions About Consensual Non-Monogamy
A 2023 nationally representative survey of 1,000 American adults conducted by YouGov inquired about people’s attitudes toward various forms of non-monogamy and found that most adults tend to view it negatively no matter what form it takes, from open relationships to swinging to polyamory. Why is consensual non-monogamy viewed in such a negative light? In part, it’s because people hold a lot of misconceptions about it. So let’s take a look at fact versus fiction when it comes to consensually non-monogamous relationships.
For today’s show, I am joined by Dr. Amy Moors, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Chapman University. Her research focuses on sexuality, consensually non-monogamous relationships, and LGBTQ+ issues. Amy has published more than 55 journal articles and book chapters, and has received several awards for her pioneering research on polyamory.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What do we know about who engages in consensual non-monogamy?
- What are the main reasons people pursue consensual non-monogamy?
- Are conflict and jealousy inevitable in consensual non-monogamous relationships?
- How do rates of STIs compare between monogamous and consensually non-monogamous persons?
- What does research say about parenting skills and families among consensually non-monogamous persons?
Find out more about Amy and the ONWARD Lab on her website, and be sure to follow Amy on Twitter @ACMoors.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Researchers at Ball State University are currently recruiting participants for a study examining the experiences of individuals in at least one polyamorous relationship. If you are (1) age 18 years or older, (2) currently identify as polyamorous, and (3) are part of at least one consensual polyamorous relationship, visit https://bsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3k3QXZnrXX3rCCy to participate. The survey should take no longer than 45 minutes and you will have an equal opportunity to receive one of forty (40) $25 Tango gift cards for your voluntary participation.
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 179: Let’s Talk About Gay Hookup Apps
Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are increasingly finding sexual partners through apps such as Grindr. These apps haven’t just changed the way people find partners, though, they’ve also changed queer men and gay culture in major ways, some of which have been positive, while others have been negative. So let’s talk about the good, bad, and ugly of gay hookup apps.
I am joined once again by Zachary Zane, a Brooklyn-based sex writer. He is the sex and relationship columnist for Men’s Health, where he writes Sexplain It. He is the co-author of the book Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever. Zach’s latest book is titled Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How are apps like Grindr different from apps that cater more to a heterosexual audience, like Tinder?
- What are some of the ways in which these apps have had positive effects on queer men and the gay community?
- Did Grindr really kill the gay bar?
- Do hookup apps make it easier to get the kind of sex you want?
- How can we reduce toxic behavior on hookup apps?
- How can individuals use these apps in healthy ways that don’t take a toll on their mental health?
Content advisory: This episode contains very frank discussion of sexual matters.
Check out more about Zach on his website, and be sure to follow him on Twitter and Instagram @ZacharyZane_.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 178: From Sexual Shame to Sexual Freedom
While the term “safe sex” might imply that there’s a perfectly safe way to have sex, there’s always going to be some degree of risk, both physical and emotional. Whenever you have sex, you’re making a choice about the level of risk you’re willing to take on in order to experience the pleasures of sex. Everyone has a different risk tolerance, though, which is why we all make different choices. However, we have a tendency to shame everyone who has a different risk tolerance, whether it’s higher or lower than our own. This sex shaming hurts everyone because it makes us less likely to talk openly about sex. So today we’re going to talk about shedding sexual shame and feeling free and empowered to make your own sexual decisions.
I am joined by Zachary Zane, a Brooklyn-based sex writer. He is the sex and relationship columnist for Men’s Health, where he writes Sexplain It. He is the co-author of the book Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever. Zach’s latest book is titled Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why have men largely been left out of the sex-positivity conversation? And why is it important for everyone to be involved?
- How might the phrase “safe sex” be misleading when thinking about sexual risk? Should we be talking about “risk-aware sex” instead?
- Why do some people view STIs as an acceptable risk, while others view them as unacceptable?
- Why is it important to reduce stigma around STIs?
- Why is sex shaming so prevalent, even within the queer community?
Content advisory: This episode contains very frank discussion of sexual matters.
Check out more about Zach on his website, and be sure to follow him on Twitter and Instagram @ZacharyZane_
Thank you to our sponsors!
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 177: How To Prevent Sex Crimes
How do we prevent sex crimes from happening in the first place? Today, we’re going to talk about some of the things that do (and don’t) work. This is the second episode in a two-part series about sexual offending. In the previous show, we discussed what motivates people to sexually offend, so now that we have a sense of that, let’s discuss issues of treatment and prevention.
Dr. Michael Seto is back for this episode. He is a registered clinical and forensic psychologist and a research director with the Royal Ottawa Health Care Group. He is also a Professor in Psychiatry at the University of Ottawa. Michael has published extensively on the subject of sexual offending, which includes the books Pedophilia and Sexual Offending Against Children and Internet Sex Offending.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why punishment isn’t enough when it comes to stopping sexual offending.
- Whether sex offender registries are an effective deterrent to sex crimes.
- The most effective treatment approaches for reducing rates of sexual re-offending.
- Whether we can get people at risk of committing sex crimes to voluntarily seek treatment before committing an offense.
- How training in the fiend of psychology can be improved to prevent sexual violence.
- The role of comprehensive sex education in preventing sexual violence.
Make sure to follow Michael on Twitter @MCSeto and learn more about his research here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 176: Inside the Minds of Sex Offenders
Why do people commit sex crimes? We often hear that they’re not really motivated by sex and, instead, that they’re about power and control. However, it’s more complex than that, and understanding that complexity is key to preventing these crimes from happening in the first place. So let’s talk about. This is the first episode in a two-part series on the psychology of sexual offending and what we can do to stop it. Today, we’ll focus on the why question. In the next show, we’ll focus on prevention.
I am joined by Dr. Michael Seto, a registered clinical and forensic psychologist and a research director with the Royal Ottawa Health Care Group. He is also a Professor in Psychiatry at the University of Ottawa. Michael has published extensively on the subject of sexual offending, which includes the books Pedophilia and Sexual Offending Against Children and Internet Sex Offending.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How common is sexual offending?
- What are some of the common challenges in studying sexual offending?
- How does sexual violence relate to sex, power, and control?
- What is the Motivation-Facilitation Model, and how can it help us to understand the psychology behind sex crimes?
- How is sexual fantasy related to sexual offending?
- How common is it for sex offenders to reoffend? And can we predict who is most likely to do so?
Make sure to follow Michael on Twitter @MCSeto and learn more about his research here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 175: When Single Life Sucks
The stereotype we often hear about singles in the popular media is that they’re sad. In reality, however, a lot of them are thriving and living their best lives, which we talked all about in the previous episode. But being single isn’t sunshine and rainbows for everyone, though. For some, being single just sucks. So let’s talk about it. In this episode, we’re going take a look at when and why people struggle with single life and the factors that can make it a negative experience, including social exclusion, attachment anxiety, social pressure to be in a relationship, and more.
I am joined once again by Dr. Yuthika Girme, an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Simon Fraser University in Canada, who has conducted extensive research on singlehood. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- In what ways are singles stigmatized or “singled out” in modern society?
- What is the role of family and culture in shaping people’s experiences with being single?
- How is singlehood experienced similarly or differently for men and women?
- How does sexual orientation factor into experiences with singlehood?
- How does attachment style impact one’s feelings about being single?
Check out the SECURE lab to learn more about Yuthika’s research, and be sure to follow her on Twitter.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 174: When Being Single Is Awesome
The number of American adults living single has been on the rise for years. Part of this increase has been driven by a growing number of folks who simply prefer the single life. And, for them, being single can be awesome. At the same time, though, some singles don’t want to be single and they’re pretty miserable. So let’s talk about the good, bad, and ugly of singlehood. I have a two-part series for you on what it’s like to be single today. In this episode we’re going to explore the positive side of singlehood and, next time, we’re going to explore the negative side.
I am joined by Dr. Yuthika Girme, an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Simon Fraser University in Canada. Her research focuses on reconciling the complexities associated with singlehood and relationship experiences with the aim of fostering security and well-being. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why have relationship researchers historically downplayed the experiences of singles?
- What are some of the reasons people might choose to be single? What do they see as the benefits?
- Why are older singles more satisfied than younger singles?
- When are singles most likely to be sexually satisfied?
- Why might someone prioritize having friendships (or platonic life partners) over romantic relationships?
- How do our personal (and cultural) values shape the experience of singlehood?
Check out the SECURE lab to learn more about Yuthika’s research, and be sure to follow her on Twitter.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Check out FirmTech, awarded “most innovative sex toy of the year” by XBIZ! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 173: Tips for Treating Pelvic Floor Problems
In the previous episode, we talked all about the pelvic floor, including what it is, the important role it plays in sexual function, as well as what you need to know about Kegel exercises. Today, we’re going to be continuing our conversation on pelvic health by exploring the world of pelvic floor physical therapy. Pelvic floor therapy can potentially help to resolve everything from painful intercourse in women to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation in men. So how do you know whether pelvic floor physical therapy is right for you, and what does this kind of therapy actually look like?
For today’s episode, I am joined once again by Dr. Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas, an experienced pelvic floor physical therapist who works with patients of all genders and ages with pelvic health diagnoses. She is known for spreading evidence-based pelvic health information in humorous and relatable ways on social media through @ThePelvicDanceFloor, which has over 1 million combined followers between Instagram and Tiktok. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Who is pelvic floor physical therapy for? How do you know if it’s right for you?
- How do you find a provider, and is this kind of therapy usually covered by insurance?
- What does a typical therapy session consist of?
- What sexual health issues can pelvic floor physical therapy help with?
- Beyond Kegels, what other kinds of exercises can help with pelvic health issues?
Make sure to check out Alicia on TikTok and Instagram @ThePelvicDanceFloor.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Put a “ring” on it with FirmTech’s Performance Ring, which is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 172: What Everyone Needs To Know About The Pelvic Floor
The pelvic floor is a super important set of muscles that plays a vital role in sexual, reproductive, urinary, and bowel function. However, most of us don’t know all that much about it, which is a shame because paying attention to your pelvic health has the potential to improve your overall health and give you a boost in the bedroom, too. So, let’s talk about what everyone needs to know about their pelvic floor!
For today’s episode, I am joined by Dr. Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas, an experienced pelvic floor physical therapist who works with patients of all genders and ages with pelvic health diagnoses. She is known for spreading evidence-based pelvic health information in humorous and relatable ways on social media through @ThePelvicDanceFloor, which has over 1 million combined followers between Instagram and Tiktok.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What is the pelvic floor anyway ?
- What are the most common pelvic floor issues, and how are they similar or different across genders?
- When (and for whom) are Kegel exercises a good idea?
- What’s the right way to do Kegels?
- How do pelvic floor issues vary across the lifespan?
- What are some common myths and misconceptions about the pelvic floor?
Make sure to check out Alicia on TikTok and Instagram @ThePelvicDanceFloor.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 171: How to Initiate Sex
A lot of people struggle with sexual initiation. In fact, this is one of the most common topics that readers and listeners ask me about! So why is sexual initiation so hard, and what can we do to make it easier? Let’s talk about it!
For today’s show, I am joined once again by Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, as well as Xander Marin, a self-described “regular dude” who left a cushy career in tech once he realized it was more fun to talk about sex with his wife all day. They co-host the “Pillow Talks” podcast and co-authored the new book, Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why does initiating sex feel so hard for people?
- What should you do (and what should you avoid) when it comes to sexual initiation?
- What are the six different sexual initiation styles?
- How can individuals navigate sex when they have different initiation styles?
- How do you say “no” to a partner’s initiation attempt without hurting their feelings?
- What are some things you can do to encourage your partner to initiate sex more?
Make sure to check out Vanessa and Xander’s website, and visit their Youtube, Instagram, and TikTok to learn more. And be sure to get a copy of Sex Talks!
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Put a “ring” on it with FirmTech’s Performance Ring, which is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 170: Love Signals – Relationship Red and Green Flags
When it comes to navigating romantic relationships, the struggle is real. So why are relationships so hard? And is it possible to make things a little easier? Let’s talk about it! Today’s episode is all about “love signals,” or the signs you should be paying attention to. Specifically, we’re going to discuss relationship red flags and green flags, how to avoid moving too fast or too slow, how to know when someone is genuinely interested in you, and how to avoid sabotaging your own chances at love and happiness.
I am joined once again by Dr. Morgan Anderson, who is a clinical psychologist, author of the new book Love Magnet, and host of the podcast Let’s Get Vulnerable. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why do we often struggle with romantic relationships more than other types of relationship in life?
- How do you find the middle ground between moving “too fast” and “too slow” when you’re dating someone new?
- What are some relationship red, green, and yellow flags to pay attention to?
- How can you tell if someone is just being friendly or if they’re flirting?
- How can you drop the big expectations while also still upholding your standards?
- Why is it important to approach dating with curiosity?
Make sure to check out Morgan’s website, follow her on Instagram, and subscribe to her YouTube channel to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of year-round pleasure with Beducated! Their library of online courses will teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2308-lehmiller
If you love the science of sex, consider becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. The Kinsey Institute is the world’s premiere research organization on sex and relationships, and you can help continue the legacy of Alfred Kinsey by visiting kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation that helps support ongoing research projects that make an impact in the world of sex research. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 169: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Sex Life
So much sex advice can be boiled down to just one thing: communication. But how exactly should you communicate about sex? And what are the things you need to communicate about? In this episode, we’re going to discuss the five “sex talks” that partners in every relationship should have. We’ll explore how to get started, tips for navigating each of these conversations, as well as what to do when a conversation about sex turns into a fight.
For today’s show, I am joined by Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, as well as Xander Marin, a self-described “regular dude” who left a cushy career in tech once he realized it was more fun to talk about sex with his wife all day. They co-host the “Pillow Talks” podcast and co-authored the new book, Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.
Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How to start acknowledging sex in conversation.
- How partners can successfully communicate about sex and build connection with one another.
- How someone can identify their own sexual desires and share those with a partner.
- How individuals can practice talking about pleasure so that they’re more confident when expressing their desires.
- Why asking a partner “what’s your fantasy?” might be the wrong place to start when trying to explore new things in the bedroom.
Make sure to check out Vanessa and Xander’s website, and visit their Youtube, Instagram, and TikTok to learn more. And be sure to get a copy of Sex Talks!
Thank you to our sponsors!
Put a “ring” on it with FirmTech’s Performance Ring, which is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 168: How To Bring Your Sexual Fantasies To Life
There’s a pretty big gap between fantasy and reality. In my own research, I’ve found that about 80% of adults say they have a fantasy they’d like to act out at some point, but just about 20% have ever done so before. I’ve also found that only about half of adults say they’ve ever even shared this fantasy with a partner. So how can we get more comfortable talking about our fantasies and incorporating them into our sex lives? In this episode, we’re going to discuss what you need to know!
I am joined once again by Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher, speaker, writer, and consultant. She runs a course called Open Smarter, which helps people figure out what type of relationship is right for them using science-based assessments of their unique personality.
In our last conversation, Dr. Zhana and I discussed a report released by Ashley Madison called Unbound Love: Sex, Fantasy, and Desire that offers some insight into what people today fantasize about. Be sure to check out that episode as well! Some of the topics we discuss today include:
- How can we unburden ourselves of sexual shame when it’s standing in the way of our fantasies?
- How do you communicate about sexual fantasies with a partner in a healthy way?
- How do you deal with situations where you and your partner have totally different fantasies?
- What kinds of things do you need to think about and consider before acting on a fantasy?
- What should you do if acting on a fantasy doesn’t work out the way you thought it would?
Make sure to check out Zhana’s website, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @DrZhana to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of year-round pleasure with Beducated! Their library of online courses will teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2307-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 167: In a Dating Rut? It Might Be Your Attachment Style
A lot of us have had the experience of dating the “wrong” person over and over again. It’s just one unhealthy relationship after another. So why is it so common for people to find themselves in these repetitive relationship cycles? It’s often the result of our attachment style. In this episode, we’re going to dive into attachment theory to help you better understand the four main attachment styles, how to identify your own and that of the people you’re dating, as well as how to move in the direction of more secure attachment to break a cycle of unfulfilling relationships.
For today’s show, I am joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson, who is a clinical psychologist, author of the new book Love Magnet, and host of the podcast Let’s Get Vulnerable. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What do each of the four attachment styles look like in dating?
- How do you know which attachment style you have? Is it possible to have more than one?
- How might someone work on cultivating a more secure attachment style?
- How can you tell what someone else’s attachment style is?
- Can relationships work between people who have different attachment styles?
Discover your own attachment style with Dr. Morgan’s quiz here!
Make sure to check out Morgan’s website, follow her on Instagram, and subscribe to her YouTube channel to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Put a ring on it for Valentine’s Day with FirmTech’s Performance Ring, which is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 166: How to Reset Your Sex Life
It’s common for people in long-term relationships to get out of synch when it comes to sex. This can happen for a ton of reasons, from changes in health and hormones to relationship conflict to stress and so much more. But no matter the reason, it’s never too late to do a sex life “reset!” If sex has decreased, disappeared, or become less satisfying in your relationship, this episode is for you. We’re going to discuss how to identify your desires, how to communicate them to a partner, how to build up sexual self-confidence, and how to start conversations about sexual problems and difficulties in a healthy and productive way.
I am joined once again by Dr. Lanae St.John, also known as The MamaSutra. She is a board-certified sexologist, certified sex coach, and former professor of human sexuality. Lanae is also the author of Read Me: A Parental Primer for “The Talk.” This is Lanae’s second appearance on the show, so be sure to check out our previous conversation, which focused on talking to your kids about sex.
Some of the topics we discuss today include:
- What are some of the most common reasons partners get out of synch when it comes to sex?
- What are some ways we can identify our own sexual desires?
- How can partners have productive conversations about sexual desire?
- What are some things you can do to build up sexual self-confidence?
Check it out! To learn more about Lanae, visit her website “The Mamastura,” and follow her on Instagram @themamasutra.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Don’t know what to get for Valentine’s Day? Give the gift of year-round pleasure with Beducated! Their library of online courses will teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a Valentine’s subscription and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2306-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 165: All About Sexual Fantasies
How do you feel about your sexual fantasies? Research tells us that many people feel alone in their sexual turn-ons, thinking that their fantasies are strange or unusual. In fact, this is why one of the most common questions I get asked as a sex educator is: “are my fantasies normal?” As you’ll see in this episode, odds are that the things you’re fantasizing about are likely quite similar to the kinds of things that most other people are fantasizing about too, which means there’s no reason to be ashamed of your turn-ons.
For today’s show, I am joined by Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher, speaker, writer, and consultant. She teaches human sexuality courses at New York University and also runs a course called Open Smarter, which helps people figure out what type of relationship is right for them using science-based assessments of their unique personality.
Zhana is here to discuss a report recently released by Ashley Madison called Unbound Love: Sex, Fantasy, and Desire, which is based on the results of a survey conducted by YouGov in collaboration with Dr. Zhana. Some of the specific topics we discuss include:
- What are the origins of the Unbound Love project and who participated in the survey?
- What was the most common fantasy that emerged in the survey, and why is it so popular?
- Is it normal for people in romantic relationships to fantasize about someone other than their partner?
- Why is kink appealing to so many people?
- How do our sexual fantasies differ across gender and age?
Make sure to check out Zhana’s website, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @DrZhana to learn more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Put a ring on it for Valentine’s Day with FirmTech’s Performance Ring, which is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 164: How To Deal With Jealousy
There’s an interesting paradox in modern relationships where, if there’s too much jealousy, that can cause a lot of problems. At the same time, though, if there isn’t enough jealousy, that can also lead to problems. So let’s talk about this complicated emotion. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the good, bad, and ugly of jealousy, how to cope with this emotion in healthy ways, and things you can do to help a partner who might be especially prone to jealousy.
I am joined once again by Dr. Joli Hamilton, a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and AASECT Certified Sex Educator. Joli co-hosts the Playing with Fire podcast and her academic research focuses on how jealousy impacts our most intimate relationships. Our previous conversation was all about creative monogamy, so be sure to listen to that episode as well.
Some of the topics we discuss today include:
- How is jealousy different from other emotions, such as envy?
- What are some examples of the ways jealousy can benefit a relationship? How can jealousy harm a relationship?
- How can someone learn to manage jealousy in healthier ways?
- Is it possible to get rid of jealous feelings?
- Are there any strategies to help a partner better cope with jealousy?
If you’re interested in practicing creative monogamy in your relationships, Joli has a free audio guide on bringing up the topic with a partner. She also offers a Jealousy MasterClass lecture. To learn more about these resources, visit jolihamilton.com
Thank you to our sponsors!
Don’t know what to get for Valentine’s Day? Give the gift of year-round pleasure with Beducated! Their library of online courses will teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a Valentine’s subscription and get 50% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2305-lehmiller
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 163: A Sexplanation – How To Enjoy Shame-Free Sex
Despite the fact that I write and talk about sex all day, I don’t actually watch a lot of movies and TV shows about sex because it often feels too much like work! However, every so often a film or show about sex comes along that I really enjoy because it’s both entertaining and gets the story right. And the new documentary A Sexplanation, billed as “a comedic sex ed documentary about the universal search for love, connection and self-acceptance,” does just that.
For today’s episode, I am joined by independent filmmaker Alex Liu, creator of the award-winning documentary A Sexplanation. In this film, Alex travels across the United States and Canada speaking with experts and everyday people to open up healthy conversations about sex and reduce sexual shame. It covers a lot of ground, including sex education, masturbation, porn, fantasy, religion, and more.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What was it like for Alex to give viewers an intimate look at his own sex life and coming out journey as part of this film?
- Why Alex included frank discussions about sex with his parents in the film—and how that changed their relationship.
- How Alex got a Catholic priest to come on camera and talk about sex—and how this conversation completely changed Alex’s view on sex and spirituality.
- How people can learn to become more vulnerable and have more meaningful conversations about sex.
- How porn is affecting us as sexual beings.
- How sex education needs to change to better serve the next generation.
Make sure to watch A Sexplanation, and follow Alex on Twitter @alexanderxliu
Thank you to our sponsors!
“Ring” in the New Year with FirmTech! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Enhance your pleasure with OMGYES! OMGYES provides super-honest videos, animations, and how-to’s based on the largest research study into women’s pleasure, done in partnership with the Kinsey Institute. Get 33% by visiting OMGYES.com/justin. Clinicians and therapists can get a free personal membership by visiting OMGYES.com/doctors.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 162: Creative Monogamy
Many of us have a mold for what romantic relationships “should” look like, and then we try to make our own relationships fit that. But, no matter how hard we try, sometimes it just doesn’t fit. And that’s because we’re going about relationships all wrong. Instead of building relationships on a set of things you think you’re “supposed” to do, we need to build them on the actual wants and needs of the partners. One way you can give your relationship a custom design is with the concept of “creative monogamy,” which is all about finding the right relationship style and structure that works for you.
I am joined today by Dr. Joli Hamilton, a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and AASECT Certified Sex Educator. Joli co-hosts the Playing with Fire podcast and her academic research focuses on how jealousy impacts our most intimate relationships. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why does monogamy seem to be so difficult for so many people?
- What is “creative monogamy” anyway?
- Where do you start when it comes to building a creatively monogamous relationship?
- For individuals who have developed a creative monogamy approach to their relationship, what might that look like?
- How often should people revisit their relationship agreements?
- How can someone in a monogamous relationship effectively communicate with their partner about wanting to change their relationship structure?
If you’re interested in practicing creative monogamy in your relationships, Joli has a free audio guide on bringing up the topic with a partner. Be sure to check out that resource (and more!) over on jolihamilton.com
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of pleasure with Beducated! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription this holiday season and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2304-lehmiller
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 161: Performative Sex and the Psychology of ‘Facials’
One of the most popular articles on the Sex and Psychology blog is about the psychology of facials, a sexual act in which one person ejaculates on another person’s face. This behavior is one of many kinds of performative sexuality often seen in porn. Facials in particular have sparked a lot of debate because some people see this behavior as inherently degrading, especially when a woman is on the receiving end of it. So in today’s episode, we’re going to dive into the psychology of facials and performative sexuality more broadly. In addition, we’ll explore how performative sex intersects with porn, sexual self-esteem, and pleasure, as well as what to do when you feel constrained by performative expectations in the bedroom.
I am joined once again by Dr. Megan Maas, an assistant professor in Human Development & Family Studies at Michigan State University. Her award-winning research, recognized by the American Psychological Association, and funded by the National Institute of Health, focuses on media impacts on adolescents’ sexual and mental health. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How is sexual self-confidence related to both giving and receiving facials?
- How is porn shaping the way people approach sex?
- When and why did facials become so popular?
- How does being in an altered state (such as being under the influence of drugs or alcohol) relate to performative sex?
- What is the link between prior experience with sexual victimization and performative sex?
- How can you break free of expectations about performative sex if they’re interfering with your pleasure?
Be sure to check out Megan’s website to learn more about her, and follow her on Twitter @MeganKMaas.
Thank you to our sponsors!
“Ring” in the New Year with FirmTech! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Enhance your pleasure with OMGYES! OMGYES provides super-honest videos, animations, and how-to’s based on the largest research study into women’s pleasure, done in partnership with the Kinsey Institute. Get 33% by visiting OMGYES.com/justin. Clinicians and therapists can get a free personal membership by visiting OMGYES.com/doctors.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 160: Tomorrow, Sex Will Be Good Again
One of the key principles embedded in many models of sexual consent is that consent must be specific. In other words, you need to know exactly what it is that you’re saying yes to. This also means you need to know in advance what it is that you want. However, we often don’t know what we want when it comes to sex, which makes navigating this issue rather tricky for everyone, but especially for women. Consenting to that which is unknown can be highly erotic, but it can be really risky, especially when a partner’s ideas about what you might want turn out to be wrong.
My guest today is Katherine Angel, author of the internationally acclaimed book, Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again. Her previous books include Daddy Issues and Unmastered: A Book on Desire, Most Difficult to Tell. She is a Senior Lecturer in the English department and a Fellow of the Institute of Humanities and Social Sciences at Queen Mary, University of London. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why isn’t consent enough when it comes to having good sex?
- How do individuals navigate expressing their desires when they might not know what they want, and also when there’s a risk of being shamed or judged for sharing them?
- What does it really mean to have good sex?
- Is it a realistic goal for sex to always be good?
- A lot of sex advice comes down to “be vulnerable.” But vulnerability can be terrifying to some. So how do we navigate this?
- How does sex ed need to change to help people grapple with the complexities of sex?
Click here to learn more about Katherine.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of pleasure with Beducated! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription this holiday season and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2303-lehmiller
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 159: ‘Slut Pages’ and Revenge Porn
As many as 1 in 3 college students in the United States may be participating in “slut pages.” Slut pages are part of a digital underground world in which nude or partially nude photos and videos of women are shared without their consent. These pages are sometimes a form of revenge porn, but they can also be a twisted game in which people are awarded points for obtaining nude photos of specific women. So how common are slut pages? Why do people participate in them? And how can we stop online sexual harassment? Let’s talk about it.
I am joined today by Dr. Megan Maas, an assistant professor in Human Development & Family Studies at Michigan State University. Her award-winning research, recognized by the American Psychological Association, and funded by the National Institutes of Health, focuses on media impacts on adolescents’ sexual and mental health. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What is a “slut page”?
- How are slut pages and revenge porn similar or different?
- How common are slut pages, and what draws people to them?
- Why are women sometimes active participants in the slut-shaming of other women?
- How does being the target of a slut page affect someone’s mental health?
- What should someone do if they discover a slut page or revenge porn about them? And what can we do to prevent online sexual harassment?
Be sure to check out Megan’s website to learn more about her, and follow her on Twitter @MeganKMaas.
Are you a victim of image-based sexual abuse online? Here are some organizations that may be able to help:
Thank you to our sponsors!
“Ring” in the New Year with FirmTech! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Enhance your pleasure with OMGYES! OMGYES provides super-honest videos, animations, and how-to’s based on the largest research study into women’s pleasure, done in partnership with the Kinsey Institute. Get 33% by visiting OMGYES.com/justin. Clinicians and therapists can get a free personal membership by visiting OMGYES.com/doctors.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 158: Dating with Depression – Relationships and Mental Health
Relationships are hard. But they can be especially hard when you or a partner are dealing with depression. In this episode, we’re going to explore how mental health issues like depression can pose unique relationship challenges, but also consider practical tips and tools for overcoming them, including how to be a supportive partner when you’re with someone who is depressed.
I am joined once again by JoEllen Notte, a writer, speaker, and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site, The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen is the author of The Monster Under The Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having as well as the upcoming book In It Together: Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends, and Family. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How to take care of your mental health while dating.
- When to disclose a mental health condition to a partner.
- How depression can impact marriages and other long-term relationships.
- How to know when being unhappy is a mental health issue vs. a relationship issue.
- What people can do to be supportive of a partner with depression.
- Suggestions for navigating a breakup while managing depression or anxiety.
Learn more about JoEllen at redheadbedhead.com.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Give the gift of pleasure with Beducated! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription this holiday season and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2302-lehmiller
Enhance your pleasure with OMGYES! OMGYES provides super-honest videos, animations, and how-to’s based on the largest research study into women’s pleasure, done in partnership with the Kinsey Institute. Get 33% by visiting OMGYES.com/justin. Clinicians and therapists can get a free personal membership by visiting OMGYES.com/doctors.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 157: How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
As a sex educator, one of the most common questions I get from parents is when and how to talk to their kids about sex. When should these conversations begin? And what do you need to know to successfully navigate them? Let’s talk about “the talk!” In this show, we’re going to explore tips on how to normalize conversations about sex, sexuality, and relationships with your kids and give them the resources and skills they need to make healthy decisions and to lead happy and fulfilling intimate lives.
I am joined by Dr. Lanae St.John, also known as The MamaSutra. She is a board-certified sexologist, certified sex coach, and former professor of human sexuality. Lanae is also the author of Read Me: A Parental Primer for “The Talk.” She has first-hand knowledge about how to navigate issues of sexuality as a parent, and uses that experience to help her clients. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How do you make conversations about sex comfortable instead of awkward?
- As a parent, how can you model healthy communication for your kids?
- What are some ways parents can teach basic consent principles to their children?
- What are some things parents can do to help their kids cultivate healthy body image?
- Pleasure is one of the primary reasons people have sex, but it is rarely taught in sex ed. What should be addressed when talking about pleasure?
- What do you need to know when it comes to talking to kids about porn?
Check it out! To learn more about Lanae, visit her website “The Mamastura,” and follow her on Instagram @themamasutra. Lanae has also put together a handy set of resources for listeners on having “the talk,” which you can find here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of pleasure with Beducated! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription this holiday season and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: https://beducate.me/pd2301-lehmiller
“Ring” in the New Year with FirmTech! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 156: Resolutions for Healthy Relationships
What can you do to build stronger and healthier relationships in the New Year with everyone in your life? Let’s talk about it! In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss a wide range of relationships, starting with friendships, including how you can have an easier time both making and maintaining friends. We’re also going to talk about tips for starting new romantic connections (including how to get better at online dating), tips for strengthening romantic relationships new and old, as well as what you need to know about building a healthier relationship with yourself.
I am joined once again by Dr. Juliana Hauser, a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, sex, and sexuality. In addition to running a private practice, Dr. Juliana is a nationally known expert in this area whose work has appeared all over in the media. This is the second episode in a two-part series on sex and relationship resolutions, so be sure to check out the first part of our conversation if you haven’t already listened yet. Some of the topics we discuss today include:
- What are some new ways of making friends in the coming year?
- How can you maintain strong friendships without causing friction with your romantic partner?
- What can we do to become better online daters this year?
- What kind of communication skills do you need to cultivate in order to help your relationship thrive in the long term?
- For people in long-term relationships, how can they resolve to maintain a healthy level of autonomy and independence?
- What resolutions can men make to better themselves?
To learn more about Juliana, visit dr-juliana.com, follow @drjulianahauser on IG, and be sure to check out her RESTORED program, a weekly support group for professional helpers.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of pleasure with Beducated! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription this holiday season and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2251-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 155: New Year’s Resolutions for the Best Sex of Your Life
The end of another year is rapidly approaching, and that means a lot of people are soon going to start making resolutions for self-improvement. Oftentimes, those resolutions revolve around improving one’s physical health through exercise and diet, or bettering one’s mental health through finding better work-life balance or setting new boundaries. However, as you ponder your own resolutions for the new year, consider resolving to have better sex. With the right set of sexual resolutions, you can start to enjoy the best sex of your life!
I am joined today by Dr. Juliana Hauser, a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, sex, and sexuality. In addition to running a private practice, Dr. Juliana is a nationally known expert in this area whose work has appeared all over in the media. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What are some practical things people can do to develop a greater sense of sexual empowerment?
- What are some resolutions people can make to improve their physical, mental, and emotional well-being that can also boost sexual performance and sexual satisfaction, too?
- How can partners break out of sexual routines and introduce more novelty into their sex lives in the new year?
- How can you learn to be more “present” during sex so that you can fully enjoy the experience?
- What does a “sex plan” involve, and how could you benefit from developing your own sex plan?
- Are there any sexual resolutions you shouldn’t make that might be counterproductive?
To learn more about Juliana, visit dr-juliana.com, follow @drjulianahauser on IG, and be sure to check out her RESTORED program, a weekly support group for professional helpers.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Get hard for the holidays with FirmTech! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 154: Virtual Reality Might Be The Future Of Sex Therapy
The latest evolution in pornography and erotica is virtual reality (VR), which is making adult content increasingly interactive. Most of the buzz about VR erotica involves taking solo masturbation to new heights. However, it can also be an innovative research method! VR is a way of simulating sex in a lab that can create a level of immersion you can’t replicate with 2-D porn. But an even more tantalizing application of VR is in the world of sex therapy. In fact, the future of sex therapy could be all about virtual reality! VR just might be the educational tool we need that also provides a safe space for exploring our sexuality.
For today’s show, I am joined once again by Dr. Lori Brotto, a Professor at the University of British Columbia, practicing psychologist, and author of the books Better Sex Through Mindfulness and the all-new Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- When scientists study sexual arousal, how do they decide what kind of porn or erotic content to show participants?
- Why might VR offer a more powerful way of studying arousal in a sex lab than traditional 2-D porn?
- How does VR impact feelings of “presence” and sexual arousal over and above 2-D porn?
- How might VR erotica be helpful for treating sexual difficulties? And what kinds of difficulties might this technology be helpful for?
- What is the future of VR in sex research and therapy?
Check it out! To learn more about Lori, visit loribrotto.com and brottolab.com, follow @drloribrotto on IG, and be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, the Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of pleasure with Beducated! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription this holiday season and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2250-lehmiller
Get hard for the holidays with FirmTech! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 153: How Movie and TV Sex Scenes are Filmed
Intimacy coordinators carefully choreograph sexual and intimate scenes to ensure respect and safety for the performers. However, what they actually do—the nuts and bolts of it all—is difficult work that oftentimes goes unrecognized (or is taken for granted) by the time a movie or TV show reaches our screens. So what all goes into filming scenes that feature simulated sex or intimacy? What does that process look like, and what happens when things don’t unfold according to plan? Let’s talk about it.
This is the second episode in a two-part series all about what it takes to coordinate sex on screen. I am joined once again by Marci Liroff, who has worked as a casting director, producer, and acting coach for more than 40 years. Her extensive credits span more than 60 films and television series. In 2019, she completed an extensive training course and is now a Certified Intimacy Coordinator.
If you haven’t listened to Part 1 yet, go back to the previous episode (Ep 151) and come back when you’re finished. Today, we’re going to expand our understanding of what an intimacy coordinator actually does. Some of the topics we’ll discuss include:
- When an intimacy coordinator is hired for a gig, where do they begin? What are all of the things that have to happen before a scene is ever filmed?
- How does consent operate in the context of simulated sex?
- On the day a sex scene is actually filmed, what does that situation look like? And what are the kinds of things intimacy coordinators are monitoring?
- What are the roles of prosthetics and modesty garments in filming a sex scene?
- What are some of the unique considerations surrounding sexual assault and trauma that come up in these situations?
- What happens when an intimate scene involves a minor, such as a teenager having their first kiss?
- How do you make simulated sex seem authentic?
Be sure to check out Marci’s website at marciliroffic.com to learn more about her work, and follow her on Twitter @marciliroff.
Thank you to our sponsors!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and 123RF/ronstik
Episode 152: The Rise of Intimacy Coordinators
Sex scenes are common in movies and on TV, but have you ever stopped to think about everything that goes into bringing one of those scenes to life? It’s a unique situation, and it puts the actors in a highly vulnerable position. For example, what if your scene partner goes off script and does something that you did not previously consent to? Or what if the director asks you to do something you aren’t comfortable with? In the past, issues like these weren’t given a lot of consideration, but that has all changed with the rise of intimacy coordinators. These are the folks who work to carefully choreograph sexual and intimate scenes to ensure respect and safety for the performers.
This is the first episode in a two-part series all about what it takes to coordinate sex on screen. I am joined by Marci Liroff, who has worked as a casting director, producer, and acting coach for more than 40 years. Her extensive credits span more than 60 films and television series. In 2019, she completed an extensive training course and is now a Certified Intimacy Coordinator.
Today, our conversation focuses on the evolution of on-screen sex scenes and the rise of intimacy coordinators. Some of the topics we discuss are:
- What are the power dynamics like on set, and how does this influence actors’ ability to advocate for themselves?
- How were sex scenes typically navigated before intimacy coordinators?
- When did intimacy coordinators first come onto the scene and what prompted studios to start hiring them?
- What are some of the things that people get wrong about intimacy coordinators, and how do we make production teams more receptive to the idea of bringing them on board?
- What is the certification process like to become an intimacy coordinator?
- Do intimacy coordinators have specializations? Or, do they need to be prepared for virtually any intimate scenario?
Be sure to check out Marci’s website at marciliroffic.com to learn more about her work, and follow her on Twitter @marciliroff.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2249-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 151: Better Sex Through Mindfulness
Low sexual desire is one of the most common sexual problems out there, but it’s something that has been notoriously difficult to treat pharmacologically. The search for a pill that can produce desire out of thin air has been elusive, and that’s because desire is very complex. So we need to look elsewhere for answers. One research-backed solution that has a lot of demonstrated success at both increasing sexual desire and dealing with other sexual difficulties is changing your headspace through mindfulness practices. In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss what mindfulness is, how it works, who it’s for, and practical tips for incorporating it into your sex life.
I am joined once again by Dr. Lori Brotto, a Professor at the University of British Columbia, a practicing psychologist, and author of the books Better Sex Through Mindfulness and the all-new Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What does the term “mindfulness” really mean?
- How can mindfulness lead to more satisfying sex, and what’s the evidence for its effectiveness?
- How can practicing mindful eating help you to become more mindful in the bedroom?
- How do you learn to be mindful if you’re someone who has a very difficult time getting out of your head?
- How can fantasy and mindfulness work together to elicit arousal?
- How can romantic partners practice mindfulness together?
- How can mindfulness augment other treatments for sexual difficulties?
Check it out! To learn more about Lori, visit loribrotto.com and brottolab.com, follow @drloribrotto on IG, and be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, the Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Give the gift of pleasure with Beducated! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Treat yourself or a loved one to a subscription this holiday season and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2248-lehmiller
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 150: The Complicated Link Between Depression and Sex
It is well known that depression (and certain drug treatments for depression, notably SSRIs) can lower sexual interest, desire, and activity levels. However, it turns out that the story of how depression and sex are connected is more complicated than this. Depression is one of those things that can affect different people in very different ways. In fact, research actually finds that depression has the potential to both increase and decrease sexual desire and behavior. So how do we explain this pattern of results? Let’s talk about it.
I am joined by JoEllen Notte, a writer, speaker, and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site, The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen is the author of The Monster Under The Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having as well as the upcoming book In It Together: Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends, and Family. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why depression may lower sexual interest in some people, but increase libido for others.
- The sexual side effects of various antidepressant treatments.
- How to take control of your sexuality when you’re depressed.
- How to work with your healthcare provider(s) to minimize side effects of depression medication and treatment.
- How to communicate with a partner about sex when you’re depressed.
Learn more about JoEllen at redheadbedhead.com.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 149: All About Orgasms
We’ve talked a lot about orgasms on this show, but there’s still much to explore! So today’s episode is going to dig into some interesting aspects of orgasm we haven’t really discussed before. We’re also going to consider some tips on having better and more pleasurable orgasms.
I am joined once again by sex therapist Dr. Laurie Mintz, a Professor at the University of Florida and author of the books Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It as well as A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- We hear a lot about the importance of closing the orgasm gap–but we also hear a lot about how orgasms shouldn’t be the goal of sex. So is orgasm the goal or not?
- Is orgasm a reliable metric of whether people are having good and satisfying sex?
- Some women say they aren’t sure whether they’ve had an orgasm before. How do you know if you’ve had one or not?
- What’s the key to helping women have more orgasms?
- What do we know about multiple orgasms in men?
- How can everyone get more pleasure from orgasm?
Learn more about Laurie at drlauriemintz.com
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2247-lehmiller
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 148: Let’s Normalize Sex Toys For Men
For decades, sex toys were largely marketed to women, with male sex toys really only starting to make an appearance in the last few years. Survey studies find that most adult men say they’ve never used a sex toy before (whereas most women have), and part of the reason for this is because male sex toys are more stigmatized. So let’s normalize sex toys for men!
My guest today is Jens Petter Wilhelmsen, CEO of Sweet Tech, the Norwegian company that designed and developed the Handy, a revolutionary high-tech sex toy aimed at taking masturbation to new heights. Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why are there so many more sex toys for women than they are for men?
- Why are male sex toys more stigmatized, and what holds men back from exploring them?
- How do sexual wellness companies navigate the taboos around male sex toys?
- What is The Handy, and how is it different from other strokers and masturbators?
- How can sex toys benefit men’s intimate lives beyond enhancing pleasure?
- What’s the future of male sex toys?
- How do we cultivate a more sex-positive society where fewer taboos exist around masturbation and sex toys?
Want to get your hands on The Handy? Get 10% off your order by using my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) Follow this link to learn more: https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 147: Masturbation and the Science of Self-Pleasure
We are once again in the midst of the annual abstinence challenge known as “No Nut November.” Basically, it involves men giving up ejaculation for the entire month (i.e., no “nutting” allowed). Those who partake do so for a wide variety of reasons, but they seem to be rooted in the idea that masturbation and orgasm are somehow unhealthy. So what does the research actually say? Let’s talk about it!
For today’s episode, I’ve pulled together some of my favorite clips on the history and science of self-pleasure from the archives. My guests include Dr. Eric Sprankle, Marie Aoyama from TENGA, Harvard professor Carole Hooven, urologist Joshua Gonzalez, sleep researcher Michele Lastella, and sex therapist Emily Jamea. This fascinating group of folks will answer the following questions for you:
- How long have humans been masturbating?
- What do humans think about when they masturbate?
- Does abstaining from masturbation boost testosterone?
- Can abstinence improve athletic performance?
- Can masturbation help us fall asleep faster?
- How can we have a healthier relationship with self-pleasure?
- How can we get more pleasure from masturbation?
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2246-lehmiller
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 146: Gen Z is Walking Away From the Pill. Will They Turn Back?
In recent years, a growing number of women of reproductive age have started walking away from the birth control pill. In fact, one survey found that 70% of those who were using the pill said they had either stopped taking it or were thinking about going off of it in the last three years. Why are so many Gen Z and millennial adults going off the pill? What contraceptives are they using instead? And how is the U.S. Supreme Court’s reversal of Roe v. Wade going to impact all of this? Let’s talk about it.
I am joined once again by Dr. Sarah Hill, an award-winning research psychologist and professor. She is author of the fascinating book Your Brain on Birth Control, The Surprising Science of Women, Hormones, and the Law of Unintended Consequences. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The factors prompting a decline in birth control use among young women.
- Common myths about hormonal birth control.
- The rise of fertility-tracking apps, and what users need to know about them.
- Where we are in the search for a male equivalent of the pill.
- How changing access to reproductive rights is changing the conversations we’re having around contraception.
Learn more about Sarah at sarahehill.com and be sure to get a copy of Your Brain on Birth Control.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 145: Solving Sexual Problems Without Sex Therapy
Most people will encounter a sexual problem at some point in their lives, but most will suffer in silence. Shame and embarrassment lead a lot of folks to avoid talking about sex problems and seeking help for them. Unfortunately, by doing nothing, these problems often end up growing into much bigger issues. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Many sex problems can be solved on our own, without the need for therapy. So let’s talk about things you can do to solve common sexual problems and get your sex life back on track.
I am joined once again by sex therapist Dr. Laurie Mintz, a Professor at the University of Florida and author of the books Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It as well as A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What it means to give yourself permission.
- How a little bit of sex education can go a long way toward resolving sexual difficulties.
- Examples of “homework” exercises you can do to work on problem areas.
- When self-help isn’t enough and you should head straight to a therapist or healthcare provider.
- Reasons why some people have difficulty orgasming.
- Tips for dealing with orgasmic difficulties.
- General tips for preventing sexual difficulties and maintaining a healthy sex life.
Learn more about Laurie at drlauriemintz.com
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 144: Your Brain On Birth Control
When it comes to birth control pills, there’s more than meets the eye. Hormonal contraception can have wide-ranging effects on both body and mind, to the point where who you are on the pill might actually be quite different from who you are off the pill. The way your body responds to stress, the people you’re attracted to, your overall desire to have sex—these are just a few of the many ways that hormonal contraceptives might impact someone. So, let’s talk about!
My guest today is Dr. Sarah Hill, an award-winning research psychologist and professor. She is author of the fascinating book Your Brain on Birth Control, The Surprising Science of Women, Hormones, and the Law of Unintended Consequences. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How common is it for hormonal contraception to lower sexual desire, and why does this happen?
- How do birth control pills change the types of men that heterosexual women are attracted to? And what does this mean for their sex lives and relationships?
- How does hormonal contraception affect the body’s stress response, and what are the implications of this?
- Why does hormonal birth control increase the risk of depression, and is this part of the reason women why have higher rates of depression than men?
- Do all hormonal contraceptives have similar side effect profiles?
- Birth control clearly has many positive implications for people’s lives, but also a number of unintended side effects. What do people need to know when it comes to making an informed decision about which contraceptive to use?
Learn more about Sarah at sarahehill.com and be sure to get a copy of Your Brain on Birth Control.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2245-lehmiller
The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 143: Boy Toys – Women Who Buy Male Sex Dolls
Although the modern sex doll industry largely caters to straight men, a growing number of heterosexual women are getting in on the action by purchasing male sex dolls. Sex dolls for women have actually been around for more than a half-century, but they’ve changed quite a bit over the years. So who are the women buying male sex dolls? What are their reasons for purchasing them, and are they meeting women’s needs? And why is there so much stigma around sex doll ownership? Let’s talk about it!
I am joined once again by Hallie Lieberman, a sex historian and journalist. She is also author of the book Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy, which we discussed back in episode 21 of this show. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The history of male sex dolls (it all started with “Big John!”).
- How many women have ever used a sex doll, and how much these dolls cost.
- What male sex dolls tend to look like.
- Women’s reasons for buying sex dolls and how they’re similar/different compared to men.
- Whether sex dolls are effective at satisfying sexual and other needs.
- Why sex dolls are more stigmatized than vibrators and dildos.
- The future of sex dolls for women.
To learn more about Hallie, follow her on the socials @hallielieberman and be sure to pick up a copy of her book, Buzz.
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 142: Sex, Love, and Life Advice From the Experts
Want to lead a better life in the bedroom and beyond? This episode is for you! I asked six experts for their favorite pieces of sex advice, relationship advice, and life advice. These bonus interviews come from a stellar line-up of previous guests on the show, including:
- Sex researcher, educator, and therapist Dr. Kristen Mark (who appeared on Episode 46)
- Sex writer Tracy Clark-Flory (who appeared on Episode 24)
- Author and sex guru Emily Nagoski (who appeared on Episode 48)
- Sex therapist and author Martha Kauppi (who appeared on Episode 35)
- Sex researcher and author Brian Earp (who appeared on Episode 23)
- Physician and sex educator Ina Park (who appeared on Episode 39)
All of these folks have amazing wisdom to share that will give you a new outlook on leading a good life! Enjoy!
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2244-lehmiller
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Advance your training in human sexuality at the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes! Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 141: Why Cartoon and Animated Porn are so Popular
What was the most popular porn search term last year? According to Pornhub, it was hentai. This term refers to a form of animated or cartoon porn and it seems to be on the rise. So how did hentai come to be such a popular thing in the first place? And why do some people prefer animated porn to live action porn? Let’s talk about it!
Sexuality educator Ashley Weller returns for this show. Ashley is a professor at Chapman University who runs a podcast called What’s your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore include:
- The origins of hentai and its surprisingly long history.
- How legal restrictions on pornography production and consumption paved the way for the rise of animated porn.
- Who watches hentai, and how its appeal differs based on gender and sexual orientation.
- How personality and attachment style relate to interest in animated porn.
- How many people fantasize about cartoon or anime characters.
- The impact of hentai porn consumption vs. mainstream porn on audiences.
To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What’s your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast
Thank you to our sponsors!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
Advance your training in human sexuality at the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes! Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 140: Women Who Pay For Sex, And The Men Who Sell It
When it comes to buying and selling sex, people most commonly think of men as the buyers and women as the sellers. However, while men are indeed far more likely than women to report having paid for sex, recent media reports suggest that the number of women buying sex may be on the rise. So, let’s talk about it.
I am joined by Hallie Lieberman, a sex historian and journalist who has written extensively about sex work. She is also author of the book Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy, which we discussed back in episode 21 of this show. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Who are the women who pay for sex sex?
- What are the most common reasons women pay for sex?
- Why do so many women feel that paying for sex is safer than having casual sex?
- Who are the men who sell sex to women?
- What are the main reasons men become gigolos?
- Where do gigolos usually work, and what kinds of services do they sell?
To learn more about Hallie, follow her on the socials @hallielieberman and be sure to pick up a copy of her book, Buzz.
For further information on the research discussed in this episode, see here.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2243-lehmiller
Advance your training in human sexuality at the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes! Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 139: The Leather Couch – Kink, BDSM, and Sex Therapy
Imagine you are a sex therapist and one of your patients discloses a sexual interest that either makes you personally uncomfortable or is something you are totally unfamiliar with. This often happens when kinky people seek out sex therapy, and it sometimes results in clients not getting the help they really need. So let’s talk about navigating sex therapy with kinky clients. We’re going to discuss what therapists need to know, as well as how patients can identify kink-affirming providers.
I am joined once again by Stefani Goerlich, award-winning author of The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients and its sequel, titled Kink-Affirming Practice: Culturally Competent Therapy from The Leather Chair. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How much training do sex therapists usually get in the area of kink and BDSM anyway?
- How do you deal with a problem like sexual shame?
- How do you navigate power dynamics in the therapy office with kinky clients?
- What should you do when a client expresses a sexual interest that makes you uncomfortable?
- What should you do when a client’s sexual interests pose a very high risk of harm to the self or others? How do you encourage safety without shaming them?
- Where’s the best place to find a kink-affirming therapist?
Find kink-aware professionals through the NCSF directory or the AASECT directory.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2242-lehmiller
The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 138: Navigating Attachment With Multiple Partners
Attachment theory was originally based on the assumption that everyone is or wants to be monogamous; however, many people are polyamorous or otherwise engaged in consensual nonmonogamy. So how does attachment work when you have more than one partner? Can you have secure attachments with several partners at the same time? Let’s talk about it!
I am joined once again by Jessica Fern, a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy. She is also the author of the all-new Polysecure Workbook. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Is monogamy really a prerequisite for developing secure attachment?
- Do you have to be securely attached in order to be happy?
- How can opening up a relationship change our attachment patterns, for better or for worse?
- Why it’s important to be securely attached to yourself.
- How to build more secure attachments.
- What to do when you and your partner(s) have different attachment styles.
- How you can tell when you’ve reached the saturation point for attachment-based relationships in your own life.
To learn more about Jessica, visit jessicafern.com and be sure to check out Polysecure and the new Polysecure Workbook.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2241-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 137: Demystifying Kink and BDSM
Most of us have had a kinky fantasy at some point in our lives, and many of us have actual experience with kink in the bedroom as well. In fact, nationally representative US surveys find that at least one-third of adults have engaged in some kind of BDSM. However, despite how common kink and BDSM are, myths and misconceptions abound. So let’s talk about kink!
I am joined by Stefani Goerlich, award-winning author of The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients. Stefani recently published a sequel to this book called Kink-Affirming Practice: Culturally Competent Therapy from The Leather Chair. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What does the term “kink” actually mean?
- Why obsessing over the origins of kink can be problematic.
- What’s the connection between kink and sex? Is BDSM always sexual?
- What to do when your sexual fantasies and desires conflict with your political values.
- The kink spectrum: from dark and brooding to fun, playful, and silly.
- What counts as fetishization, and when does it cross a line?
- Common things people get wrong about kink and BDSM.
Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality.
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 136: What Happens When A Couple Opens Their Relationship
The process of opening up a relationship can bring with it a number of benefits, but also a number of challenges. So what does it actually look like when a couple goes down the path of opening up? Let’s talk about it! My guest today is a leading expert on consensual non-monogamy and we’re going to explore what her own personal relationship journey looked like, as well as lessons she’s learned from several years of working as a therapist in this area.
I am joined by Jessica Fern, a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy. She is also the author of the all-new Polysecure Workbook. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How can opening up a relationship change things for the better?
- What are the most common challenges or obstacles that occur when opening up?
- How do you know if monogamy or consensual non-monogamy is right for you?
- What are some examples of “vessels” or relationship containers you can use to explore non-monogamy?
- What kinds of things should you take into consideration if you’re thinking about opening up a relationship?
To learn more about Jessica, visit jessicafern.com and be sure to check out Polysecure and the new Polysecure Workbook.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2240-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 135: Nipplegasms And Other Nongenital Orgasms
Contrary to popular belief, genital stimulation isn’t absolutely necessary when it comes to orgasm. Many people have experiences with “non-genital orgasms,” which are orgasms that result from something other than stimulation of the penis or vulva. This can include a lot of different things, from nipple and ear stimulation to getting a tattoo or piercing to exercise and taking a bumpy car ride. So what do we know about all of these non-genital orgasms? Let’s talk about it!
I am joined by Dr. Barry Komisaruk, a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at Rutgers University-Newark. Barry has published more than 180 research articles and has co-authored and edited five books, including The Science of Orgasm. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The fascinating connection between pleasure and pain. It turns out that losing the ability to experience pain also results in a loss in the ability to experience pleasure.
- What women who can think themselves to orgasm are thinking about.
- Whether non-genital orgasms look the same physiologically as genital orgasms.
- Why stimulation of the nipples or ears alone can sometimes trigger orgasm.
- Why some people have reported experiencing orgasm during childbirth or defecation.
This is a fascinating episode you won’t want to miss. Check it out!
Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality.
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 134: How To Set Sexual Boundaries
Every relationship we have could benefit from defining some boundaries, whether we’re talking about relationships with our employers, friends, or sexual partners. However, most of us aren’t very good at establishing them because setting boundaries feels like saying “no,” and no can be a really difficult word to say for a lot of reasons. So let’s talk about boundaries. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss everything you need to know, including when to discuss them, how to communicate boundaries effectively, as well as how to move on when boundary violations occur.
I am joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why setting boundaries is so hard.
- How to figure out your own boundaries, because sometimes we don’t know what they are yet.
- The fluidity of boundaries over time.
- When and how to reveal your boundaries in a relationship.
- Tips for starting a productive conversation about boundaries.
- How to listen better when a partner expresses their boundaries.
- How to recover and repair a relationship when boundaries get crossed.
To learn more about Dr. Aly, visit TurnON.love and follow @TurnON.love on Instagram. For information on Dr. Aly’s upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse starting in January 2023, visit TurnON.love/intimacy
Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) for sponsoring this episode!
The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality.
Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 133: Inside The Minds Of Incels
Some people want to have sexual and romantic relationships but are unable to do so. They are involuntarily celibate. For some, this perceived inability to form and maintain sexual and romantic relationships becomes a defining feature of the self—a social identity known as “incel.” In the popular media, incels tend to be characterized as misogynists and male supremecists who are prone to violence. However, the truth about incels is more complex, and it turns out that the incels aren’t exactly who we think they are. So let’s take a look inside the minds of incels.
I am joined by William Costello, a PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin, where he is a member of Dr. David Buss’s Evolutionary Psychology lab. He holds a Masters in Psychology, Culture, and Evolution from Brunel University London and his dissertation investigated the psychology of incels. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why incels have always been around, and how modern incels are different.
- Why changes in the mating market are creating more incels.
- What do people who identify as incel look like? Do they match up with the stereotypes (i.e., young, White, conservative)?
- Why popular dating advice given to incels isn’t helpful.
- What the mental health of incels looks like.
- Are incels inherently prone to violence?
To learn more about William, follow him on Twitter @CostelloWilliam
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 132: Ethical Flirting and Seduction
Flirting and seduction can be tricky business. For example, when you want to let someone else know you’re interested, what do you even say? And how can you tell when someone is just being polite and friendly vs. actually flirting with you? Let’s talk about it! Today’s episode will tell you what you need to know about leveling-up your flirting game (in a non-sleazy way!), how read other people’s flirting cues, how to deal with rejection, and more.
I am joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Tips for ethical flirting.
- The fine line between expressing attraction and desire for someone vs. manipulation.
- How you can tell whether another person is really into you and isn’t just being nice–and how this is different when you’re flirting online vs. in person.
- How to build up your confidence so that you’re not second-guessing yourself when you flirt.
- How to de-escalate when someone flirts with you and you’re not into it.
- How to cope with rejection in the dating marketplace.
To learn more about Dr. Aly, visit TurnON.love and follow @TurnON.love on Instagram. For information on Dr. Aly’s upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse starting in January 2023, visit TurnON.love/intimacy
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 131: The Past, Present, and Future of the Kinsey Institute
In 1947, Dr. Alfred Kinsey established the Institute for Sex Research to protect and preserve his pioneering research on human sexuality. Later renamed the Kinsey Institute, the organization founded by Dr. Kinsey has continued his legacy for 75 years. While many other sex research institutes founded by pioneers in the field have shut down, Kinsey has survived by adapting to the ever-shifting sexual landscape and its researchers continue to break new ground in the field. In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss the past, present, and future of the Kinsey Institute.
I am joined by Dr. Justin Garcia, the current director of the Kinsey Institute. Dr. Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and sex researcher whose work focuses on the evolutionary and biocultural foundations of romantic and sexual relationships across the life course. He is also a professor of gender studies at Indiana University and the scientific advisor to Match.com. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How did the Institute originally came into existence, and how has its purpose and mission evolved over time?
- What are some of the biggest scientific contributions made by the Kinsey Institute that have changed the way people think about sex?
- What is the role of the Institute in preserving sexual and erotic art and history? (Fun fact: the Kinsey Institute is home to the world’s largest collection of erotic art and artifacts outside of the Vatican!)
- What are some of the biggest challenges the Institute has faced over the last 75 years, and what are the modern challenges?
- What does the future hold for the Kinsey Institute?
To learn more about the Kinsey Institute, visit kinseyinstitute.org and follow @kinseyinstitute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about Dr. Garcia, follow @drjustingarcia on Twitter.
Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) for sponsoring this episode!
Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 130: Change Your Mind, Change Your Sex Life
Your brain truly is your biggest sex organ, which means that if you want to have more–and better–sex, the key is really to make sure that you’re in the right headspace. However, this is something that a lot of us struggle with. We’re just not in the right place mentally in order for desire to set in, or to let go and become fully immersed in pleasure. We’re too distracted. We’re too stressed. We’re constantly thinking about our own insecurities. But this doesn’t have to be the case. So let’s talk about how to change your mind so that you can change your sex life for the better.
My guest today is Dr. Kelly Casperson, a urologist, sex educator, podcaster, and author of the new book You Are Not Broken: Stop Should-ing All Over Your Sex Life. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why mindset is everything when it comes to sex.
- Where to start when it comes to changing your sexual mindset.
- Why it’s important to step back and analyze your own motivations for having sex. Are you usually looking to obtain something positive, or to avoid something negative?
- Why it’s time to stop “should-ing” all over your sex life. Forget what you’re “supposed” to do; instead, do what it is that you actually want to do.
- Why NOW is the time to start making changes.
- How to identify your sexual “accelerators” and “brakes.”
- How to “show up” and be more in-the-moment during sex.
To learn more about Kelly, follow @kellycaspersonmd on Instagram and check out her book You Are Not Broken.
Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 129: When Sexual Thoughts Become Sex Crimes
Most people have had a sexual fantasy about something that would be illegal to do in reality. That’s normal. But talking about those fantasies sometimes gets people into a lot of trouble because law enforcement may look at fantasy as a sign of criminal intent. But does having a fantasy about doing something illegal and talking about it with others necessarily mean that you’re likely to do it? This is just one of many fascinating and complicated questions that arises in the area where sex, psychology, and the law intersect. Let’s talk about forensic psychology!
I am joined once again by Dr. Lucy Neville, a Lecturer in Criminology at the University of Leicester. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- What does the work of a forensic psychologist actually entail?
- What sex scientists can bring to legal cases that center around sex crimes, and how pseudoscience hinders our ability to seek justice.
- What is the role of sexual fantasy in sexual offending?
- How do you determine whether sexual consent was present when disputes arise in legal proceedings?
- When consensual kink becomes a sex crime.
- How do you determine whether someone is likely to offend or reoffend?
- The role of forensic psychologists in working with victims.
Check it out! To learn more about Lucy, visit her academic page here, follow @blue_stocking on Twitter, and get a copy of her book Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys.
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 128: How To Stop Having Bad Sex
A lot of people in long-term relationships lose desire for sex and start thinking there’s something wrong with them. But, in many cases, the problem isn’t that they lack desire per se–it’s that they’ve simply been having bad sex. They lost interest in sex because it just wasn’t worth having, which means that getting desire back isn’t about taking some pill or medication; rather, it’s about making sure that you’ve having sex that’s worth having. So let’s talk about how to make the shift from bad sex to good sex.
My guest today is Dr. Kelly Casperson, a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She is author of the new book You Are Not Broken: Stop Should-ing All Over Your Sex Life. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The three main types of “bad sex.”
- Why you need to stop approaching sex by thinking about what you “should” do.
- Why it’s a bad idea to use sex as a bargaining tool in a relationship.
- What it means to have good sex.
- Why perfection shouldn’t be the goal of sex and we should be aiming for “good-enough sex.”
- How to stop having bad sex.
- Tips for having good (or at least good-enough) sex.
To learn more about Kelly, follow @kellycaspersonmd on Instagram and check out her book You Are Not Broken.
Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 127: Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys
There are a lot of heterosexual women out there who enjoy watching man-on-man pornography. In fact, some of the most popular tube sites in the world have reported that gay male porn is amongst the most-watched genres by female visitors. So why is that? And why do so many of these women enjoy gay male porn more than heterosexual porn? Let’s explore!
I am joined by Lucy Neville, a Lecturer in Criminology at the University of Leicester, a published writer of erotica (under a pen name), and pornography researcher. She is author of the book Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys. Some of the topics we explore include:
- How common is it for heterosexual people to watch gay porn in general?
- Why is straight porn often unappealing to heterosexual women?
- What do so many women find appealing about gay male porn?
- What role does sexual equality (i.e., versatility) have in the appeal of gay porn?
- “Gaypropriation”: is it exploitative for women to consume gay male porn?
- Is the rise of porn made by women, for women changing what women seek in erotic content?
Check it out! To learn more about Lucy, visit her academic page here and follow @blue_stocking on Twitter.
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 126: Why Women Lose Desire For Sex Faster Than Men
Many sex therapists have argued that women’s sexual desire is relational, meaning that as long as a woman is in a good relationship and she’s connected with her partner, interest in sex should naturally follow. But that doesn’t match up with reality. A lot of women with low sexual desire say that their relationships are otherwise perfect. Why is that? It turns out that the things that make for a very satisfying relationship are sometimes at odds with the things that turn us on. So is it even possible to “have it all” in a relationship? Let’s talk about it!
My guest today is Dr. Marta Meana, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. She is also an Associate Editor at the Journal of Sex Research and the author of numerous academic publications on women’s sexual desire. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Diversity in how sexual desire is experienced.
- Why long-term monogamy is hard on sexual desire for everyone, but especially for women.
- How problems with low sexual desire are generally treated.
- Why “wanting to be wanted” is at the core of women’s sexual desire.
- Whether it’s possible to maintain both intense intimacy and intense passion at the same time.
- Why women are more likely than men to see themselves as the object of desire in their fantasies.
- How having more erotic self-focus can benefit women’s (and their partners’) sex lives.
- The psychology behind women’s forced sex fantasies.
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 125: The Path to Sexual Empowerment
When it comes to sex, you deserve to get what you want and to be in control of your body, your pleasure, and your sexual health. However, in order to do that, you have to be sexually empowered. You have to know what it is that you want in the first place, and be able to communicate about that. This is something that a lot of us really struggle with, so let’s talk about sexual empowerment. Today’s show is all about building up your sexual self-confidence, learning how to ask for what you want, and being able to say no when there’s something you don’t want.
Dr. Tara is back to give us tips on sexual empowerment. She is an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton, a sex and relationship coach, and host of the podcast Luvbites. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What it means to be sexually empowered.
- Where to start when it comes to building up sexual self-confidence.
- How to stop judging your own fantasies and desires.
- How to tell your partner what you want.
- How to say no to things you don’t want.
- The role of contraception and abortion rights in sexual empowerment.
- The difference between sexual empowerment and attention-seeking behavior.
Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Tara and listen to her Luvbites show, visit luvbites.co
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 124: How To Have Great Outercourse
The terms “sex” and “intercourse” are often used interchangeably, but the truth is that sex doesn’t have to include intercourse at all! In fact, outercourse often makes for even more satisfying sex. “Outercourse” is the general term for any sexual activities that aren’t focused on vaginal or anal penetration. By practicing more outercourse, we stand to benefit in a lot of ways, from discovering new sources of pleasure to adding more novelty in the bedroom to closing the orgasm gap. Today’s episode is a guide to outercourse, and how you can use it to level-up your sex life.
I am joined once again by Dr. Amy Pearlman, a board-certified urologist and sexuality educator. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The importance of expanding our definition of sex and elevating outercourse.
- Where to start if you’re new to outercourse.
- How sex toys and vibrators can take outercourse to a whole new level (as part of this, I talk about the vibrator that changed my sex life!).
- How to talk to your partner about trying something new in the bedroom.
- Tips for maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life.
Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Pearlman, visit pearlmanmds.com and follow @amypearlmanmd on Instagram.
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 123: Sex Ed For Healthcare Professionals
The state of sex education is poor for American adolescents—but you probably already knew that. However, what you may not realize is that the state of sex ed for adults entering fields like medicine, psychology, and nursing isn’t all that great, either. There’s no universal standard for how sexuality should be taught in most healthcare training programs, nor is there even a requirement that it be taught at all! The sex ed deficit in medical education is hurting all of us, so let’s talk about how to make it better.
Dr. Rachel Needle is back to talk about advanced sex ed. She is a a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why we can’t look at physical, mental, and sexual health as completely separate things.
- How making sexual health a core component of primary healthcare stands to benefit public health.
- How much training doctors and other healthcare professionals are actually getting in sexual health.
- How current healthcare providers can increase their sexual knowledge.
- What a “sexual attitude reassessment” is and how it can help providers to check their own biases.
- How healthcare providers can start productive conversations about sex in the office.
- How patients can find knowledgable and affirming providers and talk to their doctors about sex.
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 122: Born This Way? It’s More Complicated Than That
When it comes to both sexual identity and gender identity, it’s not uncommon for people to say “I was born this way.” However, while both same-sex attraction and gender non-conformity are indeed linked to various biomarkers, the way people come to adopt specific identities is far more than just a simple function of their biological makeup. Identities are socially and culturally constructed. As a result, sexual and gender identities vary considerably across time and culture. It’s important for us to recognize that our way of thinking about sexuality and gender isn’t the only way, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re going to explore sexuality and gender in cross-cultural perspective.
My guest is Dr. Paul Vasey, a Professor and Research Chair in the Department of Psychology at the University of Lethbridge, who conducts cross-species and cross-cultural research on sexuality and gender. Some of the topics we explore include:
- The third gender category of fa’afafine in Samoa. What does this term mean, and how does it relate to the Western concept of transgender?
- Does gender dysphoria exist in cultures where more than two genders are recognized and accepted?
- Same-sex attraction exists in Samoa (as it does everywhere), but almost no one there identifies as gay. How is same-sex sexuality expressed in Samoa instead?
- Outside of the West, do sexual and gender minorities band together? In other words, does an organized LGBTQ+ community exist everywhere in the world?
- Cultures like Samoa where third genders exist are seen by some in the West as gender utopias. But should we be romanticizing the way that Samoa and other cultures approach gender diversity?
- The broader role that social and cultural environments play in shaping our own personal understanding of our gender and sexuality.
Check it out!
Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Kane Power (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 121: Why Dating Sucks, And How To Make It Better
Our dating lives are a mess. Nationally representative US surveys conducted prior to the COVID-19 pandemic found that about two-thirds of single Americans said their dating lives weren’t going well. Today, a majority of them say that the pandemic has only made things worse. So why is modern dating so hard? And how can we make things better? That’s what today’s episode is all about.
My guest is Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why the rapid transition to online dating has made dating more challenging.
- How to get “dating clarity” and figure out what it is that you’re really looking for.
- Tips for creating a successful online dating profile.
- Low-stress conversations starters for both online and offline connections.
- How to deal with dating rejection.
- General tips for better dating outcomes.
Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Tara and listen to her Luvbites show, visit luvbites.co
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 120: Penis Performance Problems
If you have a penis, then you probably already know that it doesn’t always do what you want it to do. Sometimes you’ll get an erection when you don’t want one–and sometimes you won’t be able to get an erection when you do want one. Relax. That’s normal. But when does it start to cross the line into a sexual difficulty in need of treatment? And what are the best ways to manage erectile difficulties? That’s what today’s show is all about.
I am joined by Dr. Amy Pearlman, a men’s sexual health specialist and board-certified urologist. Dr. Pearlman’s primary mission is to educate men on the basics of their bodies and to encourage healthy behaviors in order to optimize performance in and out of the bedroom. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- What is the clinical definition of erectile dysfunction?
- How do you pinpoint the cause of erectile problems?
- How can modern technology help you to monitor your erectile health?
- Do penis rings (“cock rings”) work, and how do you use them safely?
- If you’re thinking about taking medication for ED, what do you need to know?
- How do penile implants work, and who should consider one?
Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Pearlman, visit pearlmanmds.com and follow @amypearlmanmd on Instagram.
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 119: All About Kink
Let’s get kinky! Today’s episode is a compilation of some of my favorite clips about the psychology of kink, BDSM, and fetishes. We’re going to revisit my interviews with Dr. Richard Sprott (Episode 44), Dr. Jim Pfaus (Episode 56), filmmaker and former professional dominatrix Stavroula Toska (Episode 72), and sex therapist Shamyra Howard (Episode 8). Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- What does the term kink really mean anyway? And what’s the difference between kink, fetish, and BDSM?
- Where do kinky interests come from in the first place?
- Is kink always about sex? What are some other reasons people are drawn to kink?
- What are the most common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with kinky folks?
- How do you navigate consent and kink to ensure everyone’s boundaries are respected?
Check it out!
Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 118: Our Biggest Sex Secrets Revealed
We keep a lot of things about our lives secret–but especially sexual things. People may hide their sexual thoughts, behaviors, and even feelings. And, sometimes, these secrets interfere with our pursuit of sexual and relationship happiness. So why do we hide so much about our sex lives in the first place? And if you want to let your partner in on a sexual secret, what do you need to know? Today’s episode is a deep dive into sexual and relationship secrets.
Michael Slepian returns to the show to help us lift the curtain. Michael is an Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University and author of the book The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are. He previously appeared on Episode 117 to talk about the broader psychology of secrets, so be sure to check that out if you haven’t already. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why our secrets focus disproportionately on sex.
- The most common things we hide about our sex lives.
- How technology is making it harder to keep sex secrets.
- Whether we should confess infidelity.
- The effects of keeping a romantic relationship secret.
- How to share intimate secrets with a partner.
Check it out! To learn more about Michael, check out his website at michaelslepian.com, take the secrets survey at keepingsecrets.org, and check out The Secret Life of Secrets.
Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 117: The Secret Life of Secrets
Think about a secret you’re keeping right now. Odds are, it shouldn’t take long for something to come to mind. We all keep secrets. In fact, the average person is keeping roughly 13 secrets at any given point in time! So what exactly are we hiding, and why are we hiding so much? Today’s episode offers a deep dive into the psychology of secrets. We’ll explore why secrecy is such a pervasive part of our lives, the psychological effects of secrecy, how to deal with the burdens of secrecy, and much more.
My guest today is Michael Slepian, an Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University. His latest book is titled The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The difference between secrecy and privacy.
- The difference between secrecy and lying.
- The most common things people keep secret (hint: sex and relationships are pretty high on the list!).
- How your personality affects the number of secrets you keep–and how good you are at keeping them.
- The potential positive and negative effects of secrecy on our mental health.
- How keeping other people’s secrets is different from keeping your own secrets.
- What to do when secrecy becomes really burdensome.
Check it out! To learn more about Michael, check out his website at michaelslepian.com, take the secrets survey at keepingsecrets.org, and check out The Secret Life of Secrets.
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 116: Abortion Fact Versus Fiction
All too often, political debates about abortion are full of myths and misconceptions. For this reason, a better understanding of abortion is crucial. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. We’re going to discuss common things that people get wrong about abortion, why abortion bans don’t work as intended, and why comprehensive sex education and improved access to contraceptives are the keys to reducing abortion rates.
I am joined by Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of the Whole Health Psychological Center, the Advanced Mental Health Training Institute, and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- The most common reasons women seek abortion.
- The difference between emergency contraception and abortion.
- The stage of pregnancy at which most abortions occur.
- The effects of pregnancy and abortion on women’s health.
- The psychological impact of abortion.
- How abortion bans, comprehensive sex education, and contraceptive access affect abortion rates.
- The future of sex and relationships in a post-Roe v Wade world.
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 115: My Trip To The Penis Museum & Why Travel Makes Us Horny
Have you ever noticed yourself feeling hornier than usual when you travel? If so, you’re not alone. Being away from home seems to put a lot of people in the mood for sex. So why is that? The answer is actually surprisingly complex. A whole host of factors change when we go on vacation or take a trip and–together–they have the potential to create far more opportunities for sexual desire and arousal to set in than we typically experience at home. So let’s talk about travel horniness!
In this episode, I discuss the biological, psychological, and social factors that underlie this phenomenon, including:
- How many people fantasize about sex and travel, such as having sex on the beach, in an airplane, or in a hotel room.
- How engaging in novel, non-sexual activities on vacation can amplify sexual arousal.
- How our mindset changes when we escape our home environment.
- How substance use changes when we’re on vacation.
- How the people we travel with influences our sexual behavior.
- Why exposure to more sunlight on vacation can make us hornier.
In addition to exploring the psychology behind travel horniness, I discuss my recent visit to the Icelandic penis museum, which is a fascinating place. If you thought human penises were diverse in size and shape, you haven’t seen anything yet!
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and The Handy (thehandy.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 114: How To Change Your Sexual Mindset
One of the keys to having truly great sex is approaching it with the right mindset. However, this isn’t something that we’re usually taught in sex education, which tends to focus more on the physiology of sex rather than the psychology behind it. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. It’s a compilation (or “cumpilation”) of some of my favorite tips discussed on the show for changing your sexual mindset.
Specifically, we’re going to revisit my interviews with Joan Price (Episode 86), Dr. Jessica O’Reilly (Episode 67), Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus (Episode 83) and Dr. Emily Jamea (Episode 93). Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- The importance of expanding your idea of what sex is.
- Why it’s important to make sex a multi-sensory experience.
- How to feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin.
- How be in the moment during sex.
- Why we should stop looking at sex as a goal-oriented activity—and instead, just relax and have fun.
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 113: Hot and Unbothered – How To Have the Sex You Really Want
We’re often our own worst enemies when it comes to having the sex we really want. Shame, secrecy, self-doubt, fear of failure—all of these things have a way of interfering with our ability to pursue pleasure. In order to have great sex, we need to change our entire sexual mindset. So that’s what this episode is all about: how to feel hot, but unbothered.
I am joined by Yana Tallon-Hicks, a relationship therapist and sexuality educator. She is author of the new book, Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- How to cope with “sexual imposter syndrome.”
- How to overcome fear of sexual failure.
- How to build up your sexual self-confidence.
- How to learn what it is that you really want from sex.
- How to “hear no like a pro” (i.e., what to do when you and your partner aren’t on the same page about sex).
- What to do when your sex drive gets out of synch with that of your partner.
Check it out! To learn more about Yana, visit yanatallonhicks.com and follow @the_vspot on Instagram. Also, be sure to check out her new book, Hot and Unbothered.
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 112: Uncovering Your Core Erotic Themes
There are a ton of sources for sex advice out there, which is great. But too many of them suffer from the same problem: they take a one-size-fits-all approach when, in reality, different things are going to work for different people. We each have a unique sexual self, which means that if you don’t have a certain level of self-understanding, it can be difficult to know which advice to take–and which advice to leave. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today: how to uncover your core erotic themes and increase sexual self-understanding.
My guest is sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell, author of the new book, Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Why generic sex advice often doesn’t work.
- How to pinpoint your own motivations for having sex.
- How your sexual fantasies can help you to uncover your core erotic themes.
- How to share sexual fantasies with a partner.
- Why it’s important to step outside of our sexual comfort zone sometimes.
- How to deal with mismatched libido in a relationship.
To learn more about Cyndi, visit her website at cyndidarnell.com, follow her on the socials @cyndi_darnell and be sure to get a copy of her new book Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 111: What You Don’t Know About Arranged Marriage
According to some sources, a majority of all marriages in the world are arranged. Despite how common this practice is, little research has been conducted on the subject—and there are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there regarding what arranged marriages actually look like and how they work (including the idea that arranged marriage necessarily equates to “forced marriage”). So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento. Some of the topics we explore include:
- How does the purpose of marriage differ across cultures?
- What does an arranged marriage actually look like?
- Who arranges an arranged marriage? Do the spouses have a say?
- Are people happier on average in couple-initiated vs. arranged marriages?
- What do people tend to get wrong about arranged marriages and how they work?
Check it out! To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 110: Jealousy and Compersion
If your romantic partner were to become sexually or romantically interested in someone else, how would you feel? Jealousy is often presumed to be the default response, especially in monogamous relationships. However, in consensually non-monogamous relationships, people often experience happiness, pleasure, or other positive feelings–a phenomenon known as compersion. So how are jealousy and compersion linked? Can you experience both at the same time? Can you learn to experience compersion if it’s something you’ve never felt before? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento and has recently co-authored a series of papers on the subject of compersion. Some of the topics we explore include:
- What does it really mean to experience compersion?
- What are the kinds of things that make it easier to feel compersion? What makes it harder?
- Is compersion a trait that you either have or don’t have, or is it something you can teach yourself to feel?
- Are compersion and jealousy mutually exclusive, or can you experience both simultaneously?
- In polyamory, how do the relationships you have with your partner’s partners influence compersion?
- Is the experience of compersion necessary for successful polyamory?
To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 109: Hurts So Good – Why We Seek Pain On Purpose
A masochist is someone who derives pleasure from the experience of pain. While we often think of masochism as being a purely sexual thing, it’s actually a pervasive part of everyday life. From the long-distance marathon runner to the person who covers their entire body in tattoos to the person who douses all of their food in hot sauce, there are countless examples of people intentionally inflicting pain on themselves—and getting some pleasure out of it at the same time. So why is that? We’re going to do a deep dive into the psychology of masochism today.
I am joined today by Leigh Cowart, a researcher and journalist whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, New York Magazine, Popular Science, and more. Leigh’s latest book is titled Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Why do so many of us choose to suffer? Are we all masochists to some degree?
- Why do humans experience pain anyway? What is the adaptive value of it?
- Why is pain sometimes sexually arousing? How can pain enhance sex?
- Why do some people seek out more intense pain than others?
- Where does all of the shame and stigma around masochism (particularly sexual masochism) come from?
- When can pain-seeking behavior be healthy, and when can it become a problem?
To learn more about Leigh, follow her on the socials @voraciousbrain and be sure to get a copy of her book Hurts So Good
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 108: Navigating Consensual Non-Monogamy
Survey studies find that about 1 in 5 people say they’re been in some type of sexually open relationship before. Despite how common consensual non-monogamy is, research, data, and information on it is pretty limited. And, oftentimes, it’s not addressed at all in psychology training programs. So, for today’s episode, we’re going to explore what you need to know about sexually open relationships.
I am joined by Dr. Michelle Vaughan, an Associate Professor in the School of Professional Psychology at Wright State University. She is the co-editor of the soon to be released Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What attitudes toward consensual non-monogamy look like today and how they’re changing.
- The key strengths of those who practice consensual non-monogamy.
- How to identify and lean into your own strengths in order to improve your relationship(s).
- Tips and advice for navigating sexually open relationships.
- How to know if consensual non-monogamy is right for you.
- Common issues that arise in sexually open relationships (e.g., jealousy) and how to deal with them.
- How to find an affirming therapist if you’re in an open relationship.
To learn more about Michelle and her work, visit her Google Scholar page, follow her on Twitter @MichelleDVPhd, and check out the Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy (or order on rowman.com and use discount code RLFANDF25 to save 25%).
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 107: Understanding Your Attachment Style
Everyone has an “attachment style,” which refers to the way that you tend to interact and connect with others in intimate relationships. Psychologists have found that attachment styles are reliable predictors of so many different things in our sex and love lives, from the content of our sexual fantasies to how we respond in conflict situations to our reasons for pursuing sex. A better understanding of your own (and your partner’s) attachment style can potentially help you to cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
Dr. Nicole McNichols is back to give us the guide to attachment theory. Nicole is an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington and she has a popular Ted Talk titled “Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include:
- What are the main attachment styles that exist?
- Where does your attachment style come from, and can it change over time?
- How does culture influence attachment style?
- How can you identify your own attachment style?
- How can you identify the attachment style of someone you’re dating?
- What should you do if you and your partner have discrepant attachment styles?
To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor
Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 106: Top, Bottom, Side – What’s Your Position?
Men who have sex with men often identify themselves in terms of sexual positions, such as top, bottom, or versatile to reference the role they prefer to take during anal sex. But what if none of those terms describe you? Today’s episode is all about the growing number of gay and bisexual men who identify as “sides,” or people who aren’t into penetrative anal sex.
I am joined by Dr Joe Kort, the clinical director and founder of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. He is a board-certified clinical sexologist and author of four books. Joe was the first person to coin the term “side” and his efforts to raise awareness of it recently led the sex and dating app Grindr to start offering it as an option for identifying oneself. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- How do gay and bisexual men define “sex?” And what are their most common sexual behaviors?
- Why is there so much pressure to identify yourself as a sexual position in the gay community?
- Why are some men into anal sex while others are not?
- What does it mean to identify as a “side?” And how many gay and bisexual men are sides?
- How can people be more respectful of others who have different sexual activity preferences without shaming them for wanting something different?
- What are the positive and negative aspects of identifying yourself as a sexual position?
To learn more about Joe, visit joekort.com and follow him on the socials @drjoekort
Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 105: Less Sex, More Kink – The Sex Lives of Today’s College Students
College students tend to be stereotyped as a pretty horny bunch who are hooking up every chance they get. But are today’s college students really having more sex than ever? That’s what we’re going to be exploring in this show. Are they as sexually active as popular media depictions suggest? How is the sex that they’re having changing? And what do college students today need to know about navigating and cultivating healthy sexual and romantic relationships?
I am joined by Dr. Nicole McNichols, an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington. Nicole is the co-author of the textbook Human Sexuality In A Diverse Society and she has a popular Ted Talk titled “Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include:
- What are students’ sex education experiences like before they get to college?
- How many college students today are sexually active? Are they having sex earlier or later than previous generations?
- How is the sex they’re having different? Why is choking during sex on the rise?
- How are college students being influenced by porn and the #MeToo movement?
- Why do college students seem to find dating and relationships to be so challenging?
To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 104: Women’s Sexuality And Desire
Bestselling author Lisa Taddeo has put women’s stories front and center in all of her books. Her work explores how women navigate sexual desire, sexual trauma, and sexual double standards–and it is utterly fascinating and captivating. For today’s episode, I sat down with Lisa to talk about these prominent themes in her writings and what they tell us about women’s sexuality.
Lisa’s first nonfiction book, Three Women, was an instant #1 New York Times bestseller and is currently in production as a series at Showtime with Shailene Woodley set to star. This book takes a deep dive into the sex lives and relationships of three American women who live in different parts of the country.
Following Three Women, Lisa published her debut fiction novel Animal, which tells the story of Joan, a woman who has endured a lifetime of cruelty from men—and eventually forges the power to strike back.
Lisa’s latest book, Ghost Lover, is a collection of short stories that feature a series of women who are searching for—and frequently struggling to find—fulfillment in their lives.
We discuss all three of Lisa’s books, including where she drew her inspiration, the major themes (including why sex and death run through all of them), and some of the sexist criticism her work has evoked.
To learn more about Lisa, visit lisataddeo.com and follow her on Instagram @lisadtaddeo
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 103: The Laws of Attraction
Why are we attracted to some people, but not to others? The answer to this question is surprisingly complex, but research has uncovered a set of scientifically-backed principles that can pretty reliably facilitate sexual and romantic attraction. This episode will help you to better understand those “laws” of attraction, including how you can leverage them to enhance your own appeal to others.
Sexuality educator Ashley Weller returns for this show. Ashley is a professor at Chapman University who runs a podcast called What’s your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore include:
- Is attraction something that is usually instantaneous, or does it tend to grow over time?
- We often hear that “birds of a feather flock together.” But we also hear that “opposites attract.” So which one is true? Are we attracted to similarity or differences?
- What’s the best way to start a conversation with someone you’re attracted to? Do pick-up lines actually work?
- Can playing hard to get make you appear more desirable?
- How similar or different are men and women when it comes to what they want in a partner?
- If you find yourself attracted to the “wrong” type of person, how do you break that pattern?
To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What’s your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast
Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 102: The Truth About Fake Orgasms
In the classic film When Harry Met Sally, Meg Ryan famously said, “Most women at one time or another have faked it.” And she was right. But it turns out that women aren’t the only ones who do this. Fake orgasms are surprisingly common across genders. So why do so many people feign the peak of pleasure? And is pretending to climax a good thing or a bad thing? That’s why we’re going to be talking about today.
I am joined by Ashley Weller, a professor at Chapman University in Southern California who teaches human sexuality courses. Ashley has more than 15 years of experience in sex education and runs a podcast called What’s your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- How many people have ever faked an orgasm before?
- Why do people fake orgasms, and do men’s and women’s reasons for doing it differ?
- What do people actually do when they pretend to climax?
- Is it always a bad idea to fake orgasms?
- What should you do if you’re been faking it but don’t want to do that anymore?
- What should you do if you suspect your partner of faking orgasms?
To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What’s your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 101: Want Better Sex? Get Better Sleep
Human beings spend about one-third of their lives asleep. We do this because sleep is an essential body function. When we don’t get enough sleep, we suffer in a lot of ways–and that includes our sex lives. That’s why today’s episode is all about the important connection between sex and sleep. As you’ll learn, getting better sleep is one of the keys to having better sex. But it’s also the case that having a great sex life can help you get better sleep. The connection between sleep and sex goes both ways!
I am joined by Dr. Michele Lastella, a senior lecturer at Central Queensland University and a global leader in sleep research in athletes. He has 70 peer-reviewed publications related to sleep, sport psychology, psychological well-being and more. Some of the topics we address in this episode include:
- Why do we often feel tired or sleepy after sex?
- How does sex impact the quality of the sleep we get? Does masturbation affect sleep in the same way?
- Does the impact of sex on sleep depend on whether or not orgasm occurs?
- Does sex affect sleep in the same way for men and women?
- How do both temporary and chronic sleep disruptions (such as sleep apnea and insomnia) affect our sexual health and well-being?
- Why do penile and clitoral erections occur during sleep?
- What are some practical tips for getting better sleep so that you can have better sex?
Check it out! To learn more about Michele, check out his Google Scholar profile and follow him on Twitter @sleeppsyc
Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 100: Fascinating Facts About Sex
It is hard to believe, but we have reached episode 100 of this podcast! So how do you celebrate 100 episodes of a sex show? I’ve put together a compilation featuring some of the most fascinating and mind-blowing facts about sex we’ve covered so far. Specifically, we’re going to revisit my interviews with Hallie Lieberman (Episode 21), Dr. Ina Park (Episode 39), Dr. Lisa Dawn Hamilton (Episode 53) and Dr. Nicole Prause (Episode 60).
Some of the things we cover in this episode include:
- Why butt plugs used to be marketed as a cure for asthma (no joke!).
- Whether sexually transmitted infections can hijack our brains and change our sexual behavior in order to make them more infectious.
- How a study of a cow’s clitoris became the basis for what we think we know about the human clitoris.
- Why some people get sick every time they orgasm.
Thank you for supporting the show! If you listen on Apple Podcasts, please consider a paid subscription to Sex and Psychology Premium to help keep the show going and to receive new episodes ad-free. Cheers to the next 100 episodes!
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 99: Who Should Pay On The First Date?
When you go out on a date with someone, who should pay for it? When two people of the same sex or gender go out, they’ll often split the bill—but when it’s a man and a woman, more often than not, the man pays. So there’s still a lot of chivalry present in dating between men and women, despite the fact that we have increasingly moved away from traditional gender roles and norms in many ways. So what’s up with that? How do men and women really feel about this issue? And how can be better navigate financial issues and dating?
For today’s episode, Dr. David Frederick returns. David was a previous guest on Episode 97 (Keeping Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships). He is an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California, and has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. In this show, we explore some of David’s research on money and dating in the context of men and women going out together. Some of the questions we get into include:
- When men and women go out on a date, who usually pays? And how do things change the longer they date each other?
- How often do women offer to pay when they go out with a man? How do they feel if their date refuses the offer?
- How do men feel about women paying for dates?
- Do people feel that paying for dates and sexual activity are linked in any way?
- Where does this expectation that men should pay on the first date come from? Is it cultural? Evolutionary?
- Is there a better way to navigate this fraught issue?
To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.
Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 98: Navigating Sexuality and Religion
The impact of religion on our sex lives is complex—it is neither uniformly negative nor positive. The way that religion affects sexuality really depends upon how sexuality is situated within a given religion. But when religiosity and sexuality conflict, how do you navigate this? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. How do sex therapists balance religious and sexual identity in the therapeutic process when conflicts arise? Is it possible to resolve this in a way that doesn’t require sacrificing one or the other?
Dr. Eric Sprankle returns for this episode (he was a previous guest on Episode 96: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation). Eric is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- How often do people seek sex therapy for issues relating to religiosity, and what kinds of issues are they usually experiencing?
- How do you balance religious identity and sexual identity (or desire) in the process of sex therapy?
- How can we make sex education something that is more inclusive of religious diversity?
- In what ways can religiosity have a positive impact on sexuality?
- If you’re struggling with issues of religiosity and sexuality, how can you find a therapist who is affirming of both?
Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle
Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 97: Keeping Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships
When you’re feeling that intense passion in the early stages of a relationship, having great sex is usually pretty easy. However, those feelings don’t tend to stick around very long. It’s normal for passion to begin fading after a year or two. But it doesn’t have to disappear entirely. It’s very much possible to get the spark back–and keep it going–with a little bit of effort. So let’s talk about how to do it!
For today’s episode, I am joined by Dr. David Frederick, an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California. Dr. Frederick has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. Some of the questions we explore include:
- What typically happens to sexual frequency and satisfaction over time in long-term relationships?
- Why is trying new sexual activities crucial to boosting passion? And what kinds of novel activities have the biggest impact?
- How many new things do you need to try sexually in order to experience a boost in passion?
- Are the factors that predict sexual satisfaction the same for lesbians and heterosexual women? What about for gay versus heterosexual men?
- What can lesbians teach heterosexual women about closing the “orgasm gap?”
- Besides trying new sexual activities, what are some other tried and true ways of reinvigorating passion in a long-term relationship?
To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 96: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation
Masturbation is something that most people do, but many of us have a complicated relationship with it. For example, some people are under the impression that masturbation is an unhealthy or even “addictive” activity. Given that we’re in the midst of Masturbation Month, now seems like the perfect time to set the record straight on solo sex and tell you what you really need to know about it.
My guest today is Dr. Eric Sprankle, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, and author of the forthcoming book, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How long have human beings been masturbating?
- What makes masturbation in humans unique compared to other species that do it?
- Where did this idea that masturbation is unhealthy come from?
- What kinds of masturbation “cures” were used in the past to discourage this behavior? (This is some weird and wacky stuff!)
- Is there any truth to the idea that masturbatory abstinence can improve your health or boost testosterone?
- Is masturbation really an “addictive” behavior?
- Can women really become “addicted” to their vibrators?
- How can we develop a healthier relationship with solo sex?
Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 95: The Psychology Behind Forced Sex Fantasies
Have you ever fantasized about being ‘forced’ to have sex? If so, you’re not alone. Fantasies about being taken against one’s will (also known as ‘ravishment fantasies’ and ‘consensual non-consent fantasies’) are actually quite common. But just how many people report having had them? And why? That’s what we’re going to be exploring in today’s episode.
I’ll be sharing five examples of forced sex fantasies that have emerged in my research to illustrate what these fantasies tend to look like, and also to explore the psychology behind them. To help me put this show together, Rose Caraway returns to narrate the actual fantasies. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s amazing book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program.
The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include:
- Ravished By My Lover
- Kidnapped and Forced to Have Sex
- Animalistic Sex With an Alpha Male
- Banged By the Bachelorettes
- Taken By a Warrior Princess
I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that unite them, while also considering similarities and differences in how these fantasy scenarios play out for men and women. I also discuss who is most likely to have fantasies of this nature and why. This is a fascinating episode. Be sure to check it out!
Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for being sponsors of this episode!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 94: Uncommon Sexual Fantasies – Tentacles, Monsters, And Cows, Oh My!
As someone who studies the science of sexual fantasies, every time I think I’ve heard it all, I discover something new. Human beings are endlessly inventive and flexible when it comes to their sexuality, which means that our fantasies are sometimes truly fantastical and may reflect things that wouldn’t even be physically possible in reality. While these fantasies may strike many people as “strange” or “weird,” however, a deeper analysis of them reveals that they aren’t so unusual after all. They’re actually just creative variations on the things that turn most of us on.
In this episode, we’re going to explore four uncommon sexual fantasies I’ve encountered over the course of my research and consider the psychology behind them. To help me put this show together, I invited Rose Caraway to narrate the actual fantasies that my participants provided. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s fantastic book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program.
The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include:
- The Human Cow (or HuCow)
- The Human Doll
- Getting Eaten Alive (Vorarephilia)
- Taken By Tentacles
I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that run through all of them. I also discuss who tends to have more of these fantastical fantasies and why. This is a truly fascinating episode you’re not going to want to miss. Check it out!
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 93: Tips For Having The Best Sex Ever
When it comes to sex, we could all benefit from a few pointers because great sex is usually something we have to figure out on our own. On previous episodes of the show, we’ve talked about things like expanding your definition of sex, learning how to communicate what you want, and building up your sexual self-confidence. We’re going to take it a step further today and talk about some of the finer details. We’re going to explore how you can get even more pleasure from several specific sexual activities, from masturbation to oral sex to intercourse to kink.
I am joined once again by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How mixing up your masturbation routine can unlock new sources of pleasure and enhance partnered sex.
- How to have better oral sex.
- How to make penile-vaginal intercourse more pleasurable and increase the odds of mutual orgasm.
- How to have comfortable and pleasurable anal sex.
- How to make role-play fun and enjoyable instead of stressful and awkward.
- What you need to know about sharing and acting on sexual fantasies.
- Why it’s important to step out of your comfort zone from time to time.
Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF
Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and Promescent (promescent.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 92: How To Get In The Right Headspace For Sex
One of the keys to great sex is being in the right headspace and allowing yourself to be totally immersed in the experience. If you’re not fully into it, it’s easy for your mind to start wandering and to get distracted. Divided attention can make it hard to stay aroused and to reach orgasm. So how can you get in the right mental space for great sex? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
We’re going to be discussing a mental state called flow and share practical tips for getting into this state of mind so that you can have the best sex of your life. I am joined by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does it mean to be in a state of “flow?”
- How is flow similar to or different from practicing mindfulness?
- How can being in a flow state enhance sexual satisfaction?
- What is the role of flow in kinky sex?
- Do some people naturally have an easier time getting into flow states than others?
- How can you open yourself up to experiencing flow during sex?
- How can flow boost sexual desire and help people to deal with sexual difficulties?
Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF
Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and The Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 91: Sex and Love When You Have Anxiety, OCD, or Depression
Relationships are hard for everyone, but they can be especially hard when you’re living with a mental health issue such as depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Psychological struggles can heighten the anxiety around sex, dating, and intimacy in ways that can make relationships feel inherently unsatisfying, even hopeless. But there is hope! Today, we’re going to explore how mental health issues can pose unique relationship challenges, but also consider practical tips and tools for overcoming them.
I am joined by Allison Raskin, a mental health advocate and New York Times bestselling author. Her latest book is titled: Over-Thinking About You: Navigating Romantic Relationships When You Have Anxiety, OCD, and/or Depression. Some of the topics that we explore include:
- How do you even bring up the subject of mental health with someone you’re dating or in a relationship with?
- How can you tell whether something you’re worried about is a valid relationship concern vs. a symptom of your disorder?
- How do you take care of both your mental health and your relationship at the same time when some mental health treatments carry sexual side effects?
- How can you learn to be “in the moment” during sex and block out distracting thoughts?
- How can you make online dating less anxiety-inducing?
- How can you handle breakup in healthier ways?
- How can you be a supportive partner to someone who has mental health struggles?
To learn more about Allison, visit allisonraskin.com. Also, be sure to check out her latest book Over-Thinking About You and follow her on Instagram @emotionalsupportlady
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 90: The Rise of Male Full-Frontal Nudity and Prosthetic Penises
Until very recently, the sight of a penis in film or on television was a rarity. And when it happened, it was a big deal. The promise of even a fleeting glimpse would overshadow everything else. For example, remember when Gone Girl came out? It seemed like all anyone could talk about was Ben Affleck’s member. Today, however, penises seem to be popping up everywhere, and Hollywood keeps upping the ante. Case in point: there’s a scene in Euphoria featuring nearly 30 dongs. So what’s up with that? What’s behind the rise of male full-frontal nudity on screen?
That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re also going to discuss why most of the penises you see are actually prosthetics, and you’re going to learn how the sausage gets made. Literally. I am joined by Matthew Mungle, an Academy Award winning artist specializing in Make-up Effects and Prosthetics. With over 250 film and television projects to his credit, Matthew is regarded as one of Hollywood’s top masters of makeup effects illusion. Odds are, you’ve seen his work–and maybe even some of the penises he’s created. Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why male full-frontal nudity is a growing trend.
- The first time Matthew was ever approached to make a penile prosthetic.
- Why most of the penises we see on screen are prosthetics.
- How producers decide what a prosthetic penis will look like for a given actor/character.
- How prosthetic penises are made (it’s both an art and a science!).
- Whether prosthetic penises are contributing to unrealistic perceptions of penis size.
- Average penis size and whether size really matters anyway.
Check it out! To learn more about Matthew’s work, visit his website at wmcreationsinc.com and check out his IMDB page to learn about the many amazing film and TV projects he has contributed to.
Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and Promescent (promescent.com) for sponsoring this episode!
The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Legit Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Deon Black on Unsplash.
Episode 89: Tips From a Sex Therapist
Sexual difficulties are common, and they can be highly distressing. They don’t have to mean the end of your sex life, though. Fortunately, most difficulties can be resolved and you can get back to having satisfying sex. However, people often don’t know where to begin when it comes to dealing with sexual difficulties, from telling a partner about it to finding a solution. So, let’s talk about it!
I am joined today by Dr. Natalie Rosen, an Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Neuroscience and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Natalie is a sex and relationship therapist who has published over 125 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on sexual dysfunction. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How to start healthy and productive conversations about sexual difficulties with a partner.
- How to manage low sexual desire.
- How to deal effectively with sexual pain.
- How to reset your beliefs around sex in a way that can improve sexual function.
- How to prevent porn from becoming a problem in your relationship.
- How to better manage emotions in a relationship so that they don’t interfere with sexual satisfaction or contribute to sexual difficulties.
Check out Natalie’s previous appearance on the show in Episode 88, where we discuss how to navigate sex during pregnancy and parenthood. To learn more about Natalie or participate in one of her upcoming studies, visit natalieorosen.com.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Check out their show, “Intimate Forms,” featuring the work of Emilio Sanchez at the Cook Center on Indiana University’s campus. Or catch the show “Psychopathia Sexualis,” featuring the work of Austin Osman Spare at Iceberg Projects in Chicago.
Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 88: Navigating Sex During Pregnancy and Parenthood
During pregnancy and parenthood, it’s not uncommon for sex to decrease and/or become less pleasurable. When this happens, it can potentially spill over and create broader relationship and intimacy issues. So how can you maintain satisfying sex lives and relationships during the transition to parenthood? Let’s talk about it! This episode is all about common sexual questions and concerns that arise during pregnancy and parenthood and how you can keep the spark alive once kids enter the picture.
I am joined by Dr. Natalie Rosen, an Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Neuroscience and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Natalie is a sex and relationship therapist who has published over 125 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on sexual dysfunction. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Is it usually safe to have sex during pregnancy?
- What do you need to know when it comes to maintaining sexual satisfaction during pregnancy?
- When can you start having sex again after giving birth? And what do you need to know about sexual health and function in the postpartum period?
- How can new parents navigate discrepancies in sexual desire?
- How are men and women similar vs. different in terms of the sexual concerns they have during parenthood?
- How do you make space (and time) for sex once you have kids?
- When is it time to consult a sex or relationship therapist, and how do you find a competent professional?
To learn more about Natalie or participate in one of her upcoming studies, visit natalieorosen.com. And for more resources and information on navigating sex and parenthood, visit postbabyhankypanky.com
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 87: Sex and Intimacy After Grief and Loss
Relationships can be a source of tremendous joy. But they can also be a source of tremendous pain, especially when they come to an end that we just weren’t ready for. When a valued relationship suddenly ends and that parter disappears from your everyday life–whether through death, divorce, or breakup–the resulting grief can make it difficult to move on, especially in terms of your intimate life. When is the right time to start dating or having sex again? What if you haven’t been on the dating scene for years and it has fundamentally changed? Also, what if you’re dating someone who is grieving a relationship loss? Let’s talk about it.
I am joined by Joan Price, a self-described advocate for ageless sexuality. Joan is the author of four books, including Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Joan was the guest on my previous episode, where we covered Tips For Better Sex at Any Age. It’s well worth a listen if you haven’t checked it out already! Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- Why there isn’t one “right” way to grieve and how everyone’s post-grief intimacy journey is different.
- How to know when it’s the right time to re-engage with your sexuality.
- How to get back on the dating scene if you haven’t been on it for a long time.
- What to do when you find your “pilot light lover,” or the next person who re-sparks your arousal.
- Why self-discovery and self-exploration are essential in the healing process.
- Things you should and shouldn’t do when dating someone who is grieving a relationship loss.
To learn more about Joan, visit joanprice.com and be sure to check out all of her amazing books, including Sex After Grief.
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Legit Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 86: Tips For Better Sex At Any Age
When people think about what their sex lives will look like as they get older, they usually don’t see much to look forward to. They tend to think about problems that might arise and how sex may become more challenging. However, this line of thinking is all wrong. Sex can actually get better with age. In fact, many seniors report that they’re having the best sex of their lives! And many of the tools and strategies that they’re using can be helpful at any age for reigniting passion, improving sexual communication, and having more pleasurable sex than ever before. So today we’re going to be exploring tips for better sex no matter where you are in your life.
My guest is Joan Price, a self-described advocate for ageless sexuality. Joan is the author of four books about senior sex, including the award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. She is a popular public speaker and sex educator who has been expanding our minds about sex and aging since 2005. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- How (and why) sex can get better with age.
- How to start healthy conversations about sex, whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship.
- How to talk about sex with your doctor or healthcare provider.
- How redefining sex can open the door to more pleasure.
- What to do when the old ways of approaching sex just aren’t working for you anymore.
- Why sex toys are an essential component of satisfying sex, especially as we get older.
- How you can set yourself up for having great sex for your entire life.
Check it out! To learn more about Joan, visit joanprice.com and be sure to check out all of her amazing books, including Naked at Our Age.
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 85: Should We Move In Together Before Marriage?
For decades, social scientists warned that living together before marriage increased the odds of later divorce. However, this runs contrary to conventional wisdom. In fact, most American adults today think that cohabiting first should actually strengthen marriages by serving as a compatibility test. So what’s the deal? Is living together before marriage a good or bad idea? Let’s explore what the science really says and discuss practical tips and considerations for partners looking to move in together.
I am joined by Dr. Arielle Kuperberg, an Associate Professor of Sociology and Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Arielle has studied cohabitation and its effects extensively and is here to help us settle the popular debate. Some of the topics we explore include:
- How many people today live together before marriage, and how this trend has changed over time.
- Why cohabitation and divorce are linked, and how the association between them has changed.
- Why the age at which you get married is a key factor in predicting divorce.
- How people who cohabit before marriage differ from those who move directly into marriage.
- How to know when it’s the right time to move in together.
- How to set yourself up for cohabiting success.
Check it out! To learn more about Arielle, follow her on Twitter @ATKuperberg and visit her website here.
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and HiveBoxx on Unsplash.
Episode 84: Straight People Who Have Gay Sex
People’s sexual identities and behaviors don’t always line up in the way that you might expect. For example, a lot of people who identify as heterosexual or straight report having had partners of the same sex or gender. And there are a lot of different reasons for this! My guest today has identified at least six different types of people who identify as heterosexual, but engage in same-sex behavior. So, we’re going to break it down for you.
I am joined by Dr. Arielle Kuperberg, an Associate Professor of Sociology and Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Arielle recently published a study about heterosexually-identified college students who reported same-sex hookups and we explore her key findings. Among the topics we discuss are:
- Why sexual identity and sexual behavior don’t always match up.
- Which heterosexual people who engage in same-sex behavior are likely to change their sexual identity labels in the future.
- The roles of college culture and alcohol in sexual self-exploration.
- Why some heterosexual people engage in same-sex behavior for attention or performance.
- The influence of religion and politics on sexual identity.
- Why we need to measure more than sexual identity if we really want to understand someone’s sexuality.
Check it out! To learn more about Arielle, follow her on Twitter @ATKuperberg and visit her website here.
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 83: How To Overcome Insecurity and Feel Sexually Confident
Many of us feel sexually insecure in some way. For example, you might be concerned about your body shape or size, the appearance of your genitals, and/or your sexual skills or performance. We are often our own harshest critics, and this can be incredibly detrimental to our sex lives. Insecurity can make it difficult to relax during sex, to experience pleasure, and even to experience desire for sex. So how can you overcome sexual insecurity and build up sexual self-confidence? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
I am joined by Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, a sociologist, relationship and communication coach, and author of the book From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Some of the topics we explore include:
- How you can learn to love your body.
- How to feel more confident in your genital appearance.
- How to let go of negative self-talk during sex and be in the moment.
- Why focusing on orgasm as the goal of sex can reduce pleasure for everyone.
- How to feel more confident in your sexual turn-ons and share them with a partner.
- How to communicate your sexual boundaries.
- What to do when you’re partnered with someone who is sexually insecure.
Check it out! Also, be sure to get a copy of Jennifer’s book, From Madness to Mindfulness, and visit her website at drjennsden.com
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 82: The Future of Birth Control
Human beings have been practicing birth control for thousands of years. Today, there are dozens of different contraceptives available, many of which are highly effective and increasingly convenient to access. However, there’s still room for improvement, and the future of birth control promises to be fascinating. It’s becoming increasingly high-tech, and an equivalent of the birth control pill for men appears to be on the horizon. So let’s talk about it!
My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, a board-certified OB-GYN and author of the book, Let’s Talk About Down There: An OBGYN Answers All Your Burning Questions Without Making You Feel Embarrassed for Asking. Jennifer also runs a popular sex ed channel on TikTok (@drjenniferlincoln) with more than two million followers.
In this episode, we discuss the future of birth control, common contraception myths, and how to choose the method that’s right for you. Specifically, we explore:
- How are the birth control options available to women likely to change in the future, both in terms of methods and accessibility?
- Why hasn’t there been a lot of research to date in the area of male birth control?
- What does the future of birth control for men look like? What are the most promising methods in development?
- Will future birth control methods also offer protection against STIs?
- How reliable is the pull-out or withdrawal method in preventing pregnancy?
- Are condoms really 98% effective at pregnancy prevention?
- Do you have to take birth control pills at the same time every day in order for them to work?
- Do you need to take occasional breaks from hormonal birth control to let your body “reset?”
- With all of the options available, how do you choose the contraceptive that’s right for you?
Check it out! And in case you missed the first part of my conversation with Jennifer, check out Episode 81, where we explore myths and facts about vaginal health.
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition on Unsplash.
Episode 81: Vaginal Health, Explained
There is a huge industry built around making women feel insecure about their genitals in order to sell them so-called “feminine hygiene products.” They’ve convinced many women that their vaginas and vulvas are “dirty” and in need of constant cleaning. But is it even healthy to use these products? And what do you really need to know when it comes to maintaining vaginal health? I spoke with a gynecologist to find out–and to bust some common myths about vaginas and vulvas.
My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, a board-certified OB-GYN and author of the book, Let’s Talk About Down There: An OBGYN Answers All Your Burning Questions Without Making You Feel Embarrassed for Asking. Jennifer also runs a popular sex ed channel on TikTok (@drjenniferlincoln) with more than two million followers. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Where does this idea that vaginas and vulvas are “dirty” come from anyway?
- What should and shouldn’t be part of a vaginal and vulvar self-care routine?
- What should you do if you’re concerned about the smell or taste of your genitals?
- What’s the safest way to remove pubic hair to avoid risk of injury and infection?
- Can a doctor actually tell if a woman has had sex by inspecting her genitals?
- Do vaginas really become “looser” with frequent sex?
- Is it really true that if you have an STI, you’ll know it?
- How do you boost low sexual desire?
Check it out! And be sure to check out Jennifer’s book Let’s Talk About Down There and follow her on TikTok.
The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 80: Sex and Culture
We’re going back to the brothel in today’s episode! This is the second part of a two-part series of interviews I conducted in a sex club in Amsterdam during a recent study abroad course I taught for sex therapists. We invited several folks who work in the sex industry to come speak with us in small groups, and it was absolutely fascinating!
In this episode, you’ll be hearing from a Dutch sex educator (Anna Jansen) who teaches teachers how to talk about sex, as well as a social worker (Renée Brouwer) who works with victims of human trafficking in the sex work industry. Some of the topics we’ll explore include:
- The distinction between sex work and sex trafficking.
- Why so much sex work in the Netherlands occurs underground outside of the legal system.
- How sex trafficking can still occur even with a legalized, government-regulated system.
- Legal changes that could make sex work safer.
- What sex education looks like in the Netherlands.
- How to make sex education work for everyone.
- Why attitudes toward sex in the Netherlands aren’t as liberal people on the outside think.
If you haven’t listened to the first part of this series, check out Episode 79 for interviews with two Dutch sex workers.
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 79: Inside an Amsterdam Brothel
I taught a study abroad course on sex and culture in Amsterdam a few months ago for a group of sex therapists and, as part of that class, we visited a brothel. To be clear, we didn’t go for sex–we went for sex education! We invited several people who work in the sex industry in some way to come speak with us in small groups. In this episode and the next, I’m going to be sharing some of the fascinating things we learned.
In today’s episode, you’ll be hearing two interviews I did with Dutch sex workers. First is Jennifer Jonker, who worked in the brothel we visited for several years. Jennifer now runs a coaching business focused on helping women who want to transition out of the sex work industry to find other forms of employment. Second is Tikka Stardust, a current social worker and sex worker who primarily works with clients who have physical and/or psychological disabilities. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How does sex work actually work in the Netherlands? What does it look like in terms of cost and services provided?
- How is working in a brothel different from working in the “quick service” area of Amsterdam’s Red Light District?
- What are the positive and negative sides of sex work in a country where it is legal?
- To what degree is sex work about sex versus intimacy?
- What are attitudes toward sex work like in the Netherlands? Is it really as open and accepting as people on the outside think it is?
- For women who want to exit the sex work industry, what does that process look like? And how do you deal with the stigma associated with sex work?
- Do government subsidies for sex work really exist in the Netherlands for persons with disabilities?
Stay tuned for our return visit to the brothel next week! In the next show, I’ll be speaking with a Dutch sex educator who teaches teachers how to talk about sex, as well as a social worker who works with victims of human trafficking in the sex work industry.
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 78: Let’s Talk About Sexting
Sexting has become so common that it’s not a stretch to call it the new “first base” in developing sexual relationships. For many people, sexting is now an integral part of how they connect with others sexually in the modern world, and it occurs in both casual and committed relationships. However, while sexting can be a handy way to boost arousal, communicate interest, and share your fantasies, it can also occur in ways that are coercive or harassing. In this episode, we talk about the good, bad, and ugly of sexting.
My guest is Dr. Michelle Drouin, a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. She has published an extensive body of research on the psychology sexting and is author of the book Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:
- What counts as sexting and how many people have done it before.
- What people’s experiences with sexting are usually like.
- The link between sexting and relationship satisfaction.
- How to practice “safe sexting.”
- Why so many men send unsolicited dick pics.
- When sexting becomes a form of coercion or harassment.
- Deception in online dating.
- How to spot scam artists like the Tinder Swindler.
To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch. Also, check out Episode 77 for part one of my conversation with Dr. Drouin, where we discuss tips for online dating and creating love that lasts.
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Markus Winkler on Unsplash.
Episode 77: Starved For Intimacy
Modern technology has made us more connected than ever, but at the same time, many of us feel increasingly disconnected. We just aren’t getting the intimacy we’re craving. We’re starving for a type of intimacy that technology isn’t well-suited to provide. So how can we better meet our need for connection in a digital world?
To answer this question, I spoke with Dr. Michelle Drouin, a behavioral scientist and expert on technology, relationships, and sexuality. She is a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. Her latest book is Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:
- How technology is contributing to an “intimacy famine.”
- Tips for navigating online dating, including what to do if you aren’t getting any matches and also what to do if you feel overwhelmed by too many options.
- Whether having more sex can make us happier.
- Why bedtime routines are crucial to relationship satisfaction.
- How to cultivate love that lasts.
To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch.
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 76: Creating Ideal Relationship Agreements
Relationships and marriages aren’t just hard–they’re harder than ever because the expectations around them have changed so much. What worked in the past isn’t working anymore, so it’s time for a new approach. We need to figure out what works for us as individuals and create custom relationship agreements that reflect our wants and needs. But what goes into creating an ideal relationship agreement? That’s what we’re going to be discussing today.
My guest is Dr. Tammy Nelson, a certified sex and relationship therapist. She is host of The Trouble with Sex podcast and the author of several books, including Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement. Some of the topics we discuss include:
- Why maintaining long-term monogamy today is more challenging than ever.
- How to know if an open relationship is right for you.
- When it’s a good idea to open up, and when it isn’t.
- Why empathy is key to having healthy relationship communication.
- How to navigate difficult conversations with a partner, and what to do when you have different wants and needs.
- The key ingredients of relationship agreements.
- How often you should revisit your relationship agreement.
- Common problems that can arise in open relationships, and how to deal with them.
To learn more about Dr. Nelson, visit drtammynelson.com and be sure to check out her book, Open Monogamy.
Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 75: Making Friends With Benefits Work
More than 60% of American adults say they’ve had sex with a friend in the past year, a number that has increased considerably over the last two decades. Despite the fact that sex between friends is so common, it’s not something people often discuss. Can you go back to being just friends afterwards? And how do you approach sex with a friend without anyone getting hurt?
Today’s show is all about making “friends with benefits” work. My guest is Dr. Jesse Owen, a Professor in the Counseling Psychology Department at the University of Denver. He is a licensed psychologist with clinical specializations in couple and family therapy and multicultural therapy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does it mean to be “friends with benefits” and what do these relationships tend to look like?
- Do people of different genders and sexual orientations approach friends with benefits in different ways?
- What are the main reasons people start having sex with their friends?
- How long do friends with benefits usually last, and what happens when these relationships end?
- Can friends with benefits go back to being just friends? Can they also turn into healthy romantic relationships?
- What questions should you ask yourself before jumping into a friends with benefits arrangement?
- What kinds of rules or boundaries should you consider if you have a friend with benefits in order to stay safe and prevent things from getting complicated?
Learn more about Dr. Owen here.
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 74: How To Make Sex Ed Work For Everyone
Sex education in the United States leaves a lot of people on the sidelines, from racial and ethnic minorities to LGBTQ+ youth to persons with disabilities. Part of the reason for this is that just nine (!) states require sex ed to be delivered in an unbiased and culturally appropriate way. So how can we make sex education work for everyone?
My guest today is Dr. Tanya Bass, an award-winning sexuality educator who teaches at North Carolina Central University’s Department of Public Health Education. She also founded the North Carolina Sexual Health Conference. We talk all about sex ed and how sex is depicted in the media—the good, the bad, and the very ugly of it all, and how we can improve it. Some of the topics we explore include:
- Who’s currently being left out of sex ed and what this means for their sexual health.
- Why representation is important in sex education, and how we can make sex ed more accessible to diverse audiences.
- The importance of language in sex ed (and why we need to stop talking about race as a “risk factor” for STDs).
- What we can do to promote better, more equitable sex ed for everyone.
- Which TV shows and movies are getting depictions of sex right, and which ones are getting it wrong.
- How popular media portrayals of sex influence our behavior.
- How we can use media depictions of sex as teachable moments.
Learn more about Dr. Bass at tanyambass.com and follow her on the socials at @DrTanyaMBass
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 73 – The Way You Make Me Feel: The Science of Love
How can you tell if you’re in lust or in love? Is “love at first sight” real? When is the right time to say “I love you” in a relationship? And how do you keep love alive long-term? Today’s episode is all about the science of love, and we’re going to talk about so many important and fascinating questions!
My guest is none other than “The Love Doctor” herself, Dr. Terri Orbuch. Terri is a distinguished professor at Oakland University and a research scientist at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. She has been studying the science of love and relationships for more than three decades and her latest book is called Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.
We cover a lot of ground in this show, including:
- The four signs that distinguish love from lust.
- How to get the lust back in your relationship after the initial passion starts to decline.
- The truth about the “5 love languages” (is there actually any science behind this idea?).
- Tips for maintaining happy, healthy, loving relationships for the long haul.
- When it’s the right time to make your relationship “official” and to say “I love you” to a partner.
- When too much closeness becomes a problem, and how to maintain your individuality in a relationship.
- Tips for dialing down the pressure on Valentine’s Day and enjoying a stress-free holiday.
- How parents can help their kids to cultivate healthy relationships.
This is such an important (and fun!) episode! To learn more about Terri, visit drterrithelovedoctor.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 72 – Kink On The Brain: The Truth About BDSM
At one time or another, almost everyone has had a BDSM fantasy of some type. Despite its widespread popularity, however, BDSM is a subject that remains widely misunderstood and stigmatized. It’s a taboo topic in broader society that people are often reluctant to discuss out of fear of being judged. So let’s talk about it!
One of the biggest things that changed the way I think about BDSM was having the opportunity to interview a professional dominatrix a few years back. I’m bringing her onto the show today to give you an inside look at this world and what I learned. My guest is Stavroula Toska, an award-winning filmmaker who has received honors from the Sundance Film Festival and countless other festivals around the globe. Stavroula has a reputation for authentic storytelling that pushes boundaries and explores human nature from a unique point of view. Among her many compelling works is a web series called SWITCH, which chronicles her years of experience working in the BDSM scene.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What it’s like to be a professional dominatrix, and how being a dominatrix changed the way Stavroula sees herself.
- Who visits a professional dominatrix, and why.
- Whether there’s any truth to the idea of powerful men wanting to be submissive in the bedroom.
- Whether BDSM is always about sex.
- Why Home Depot is a one-stop shop for professional dominatrixes (I love this part!).
- How the pandemic changed the world of professional domination.
- Why the stigma around BDSM persists.
- What people who want to explore BDSM for the first time need to know.
To learn more about Stavroula, visit https://thetoskamatrix.com and check out her web series SWITCH at https://switchtheseries.com
Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 71: Sex in Space and Sex with Robots
Space travel is a rapidly expanding industry. In the near future, people are going to be traveling and maybe even living outside of Earth’s atmosphere for prolonged periods of time. This raises a lot of interesting questions about how we can make life in outer space compatible with human needs, including our sexual and intimate needs. However, space organizations aren’t talking about sex in space, and they aren’t studying it either. But if we’re going to build spacefaring societies, this is something we need to understand. So what are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space, and how can we overcome the challenges?
This episode is going to take you to the final frontiers of sex. We’re not only going to explore what we know about space sex, but also sex with robots. My guest is Simon Dubé, a Public Scholar and PhD candidate in psychology at Concordia University specializing in human sexuality, sextech, and erobotics, which is the study of human-machine erotic interaction and co-evolution. He is a student representative of the International Academy of Sex Research and a general co-Chair of the International Congress on Love & Sex with Robots. Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why is there so much resistance to studying sex in space and sex with robots?
- What are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space?
- How can we overcome the challenges of sex in space in order to maximize the benefits?
- Should space crews and missions only consist of members of the same sex?
- What are the potential benefits and risks of sex with robots?
- What do modern sex robots look like, and how much do they cost?
- How does the issue of consent work when it comes to sex robots?
- Can sex robots help us to become better lovers for human partners?
To learn more about Simon, follow him on Twitter @SciDub11
If you’d like to take part in some of Simon’s research on erobotics, email sextechstudy2@gmail.com to learn about current and upcoming participation opportunities.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 70: The Rise of Cuckolding
Cuckolding refers to a sexual practice in which someone finds it arousing to watch their partner have sex with another person. I first learned about cuckolding nearly a decade ago and, in the years since, its popularity has exploded. Google searches for it are on the rise, it’s increasing mentioned and depicted in the popular media, and it regularly emerges among the top porn searches in the world year in and year out. There’s even a new annual tradition called #CuckWeek, aimed at celebrating the cuckold lifestyle. So why are so many people into cuckolding?
For insight, I spoke with Dr. David Ley and Rose Caraway. David Ley is a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and author of the book Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them, which was just released on audiobook. Rose narrated the audiobook for Insatiable Wives and is host of Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:
- How cuckolding can be sexually empowering for women.
- The diverse motivations behind why men want to watch their partners have sex with other people (there isn’t just one reason!).
- How common cuckolding fantasies are, and who’s most likely to have them.
- How cuckolding is distinct from cheating.
- How cuckolding relationships tend to work out.
- What people who are thinking about exploring cuckolding need to know.
- How to bring sex to life as an audiobook narrator.
For more on cuckolding, be sure to check out the new audiobook for Insatiable Wives!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 69: Designer Genitals – The Truth About Genital Enhancement Surgery
From penis enlargement to vaginal rejuvenation, modern medicine is offering those who are concerned with their genital appearance the opportunity to obtain “designer genitals.” In recent years, there has been an explosion in the number of people seeking genital augmentation surgery, as well as a growing number of procedures to choose from that promise to boost self-confidence and sexual desirability. But do all of these procedures really work as promised? Are they even safe? And is genital surgery really what we need, or do we just need better sex ed to help us appreciate our bodies?
To discuss the growing world of genital enhancement, I am joined by Dr. Rachel Rubin, a board-certified urologist and sexual medicine specialist. She is an assistant clinical professor of urology at Georgetown University and works in a private practice in the Washington DC region. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What kind of genital enhancements are people looking for today and why?
- Do procedures designed to increase penis size really work, and what are the risks?
- How is Botox being used to enhance genital appearance and function?
- What kind of procedures are people seeking to enhance their vulvas and vaginas? Do they work, and are they safe?
- What does the growing trend of genital augmentation say about our culture and our sexuality?
- Could better sex education help people to grow more comfortable and confident in their bodies without the need for medical intervention?
To learn more about Dr. Rubin, visit rachelrubinmd.com and follow her on social media @DrRachelRubin
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 68: What Do Singles Today Really Want?
Before the pandemic hit, the number of American adults living single was at a record high, while the marriage rate was at a record low. But that might all be about to change, according to results from the 11th annual Singles in America Survey from Match. This survey involved a demographically representative sample of 5,000 single adults aged 18-98, and the findings suggest that singles today are thinking very differently about sex, love, and relationships.
To break down the results, I spoke with Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute, and Chief Scientific Advisor at Match. She has conducted extensive research and written six books on the evolution and future of sex, love, and marriage. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- What singles today find attractive in a partner (hint: looks are out, emotional maturity is in).
- Why singles today are open to dating a wider range of partners than they were in the past.
- How online dating changed during the pandemic.
- Tips for creating more chemistry on virtual dates.
- Why singles today are sending fewer dick pics than they were before the pandemic.
- Why men are more eager to start long-term relationships right now than women.
- Whether the “three-date rule” is really a thing.
To learn more about Dr. Fisher, visit helenfisher.com and check out her latest book, Anatomy of Love.
Learn more about the latest Singles in America Survey at singlesinamerica.com
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 67: Resolutions For Better Sex In The New Year
As you ponder your New Year’s resolutions for 2022, think about things you can do to improve your sex life! With the right set of resolutions, you can address problem areas and tap into unfulfilled desires, which will allow you to enjoy the best sex of your life, boost passion in your relationship, and keep the spark burning all year long. Need some inspiration? I have you covered with this episode!
I spoke with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly about sexual New Year’s resolutions. Dr. Jess is a Toronto-based sexologist, author, speaker, and television personality. She is host of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast and the Intimately You program on CityTV. She is also the resident sexologist at Astroglide. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- Why noisy sex is (usually) better sex, and how to be more vocal in bed if that’s something you don’t have much experience with.
- How to break sexual routines and suggest new things to try with your partner.
- Why it’s important to expand your definition of sex.
- How resolutions to better your physical and mental health can boost your sex life.
- How to be more “in the moment” during sex.
- Practical ways to improve your sexual communication skills.
- Why it’s important to incorporate more non-sexual touch into your relationship, and how this can improve your sex life.
To learn more about Dr. Jess and listen to her podcast, visit sexwithdrjess.com You can also follow her on social media @sexwithdrjess and find her online courses at happiercouples.com
Also, the episode of her podcast Dr. Jess mentions in the show about understanding your core erotic feeling is available here.
Here’s to a very happy–and sexy–year ahead!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 66: Why The Holidays Make Us Horny
If you’re feeling extra horny right now, it’s not just you! The winter holidays are one of the times of year when sexual interest and behavior reliably increase. We see this in everything from a spike in condom sales to an increase in sexual injuries to a peak in STD rates early in the new year. So why is that? That’s what we’re going to explore in today’s episode.
I revisited my conversation with Dr. Patrick Markey from Episode 49, who analyzed Google search trends for sex and relationships over time and found that there’s a certain seasonality to when people are looking for sex-related content online. We discussed some of the biological, psychological, and social factors that underlie this trend. However, in this show, I take a deeper dive into holiday horniness. Some of the other topics I cover include:
- Why does travel make us horny?
- Why is there so much Santa Claus porn? What’s the sexual appeal of Santa?
- Sexual interest rises around the holidays, but this time of year can also be really stressful. So how can you prevent stress from spoiling the mood?
I wish you all a very happy (and sexy) holiday season!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 65: Understanding Asexuality
What does it mean to be asexual? This is something that different people have defined in different ways, and there are a lot of misconceptions about it. That’s why this episode of the podcast is all about understanding asexuality. We dive into what the science tells us about this subject and bust a lot of myths along the way. We also talk about helpful tips for navigating relationships in which one of the partners is asexual (lacking sexual attraction) and the other is allosexual (experiencing sexual attraction).
I am joined by Dr. Morag Yule, the founder and director of Ontario Sex Therapy, a private practice that offers sex therapy as well as clinical training and supervision out of Toronto, Canada. Dr. Yule has published extensively on human sexuality, but is especially recognized for her ground-breaking studies of asexuality.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How do sex researchers define asexuality, and how do they measure it in their studies?
- What percentage of the population is asexual?
- How is asexuality distinct from celibacy?
- What have genital arousal studies told us about the sexual functioning of asexual persons?
- Do asexual people masturbate and have sexual fantasies? How is solo sexuality similar or different for asexual and allosexual individuals?
- Why is it important to view asexuality as a unique sexual orientation?
- How does asexuality intersect with kink/BDSM and consensual non-monogamy?
- How do you make a relationship work when asexual and allosexual people partner-up?
For more asexuality information and resources, check out the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network at asexuality.org
To learn more about Dr. Yule, visit ontariosextherapy.ca
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***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 64: How Technology Can Save Your Sex Life
Most of us never got the sex education we really needed, which leaves us with a lot that we need to figure out all on our own. Fortunately, technology is making it easier than ever to fill in the gaps. In this episode, we’re going to explore an app that offers a step-by-step guide to sexual health that can also help you to build intimacy. In addition, we’ll be discussing common questions people have about sex and practical tips for cultivating a hotter and healthier sex life.
My guest is Isharna Walsh, founder and CEO of Coral, a sexual wellness app that offers evidence-based guides for better sex for all. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- How can we better leverage technology to improve our sexual health and sex lives?
- How does Coral work, and how is it different from everything else on the market?
- How do you design a sexual wellness app that is accessible to a diverse audience?
- What are the most common sexual and relationship questions among users of this app?
- What can you do to build up your sexual self-confidence?
- What are some practical ways to deepen your connection with your partner, or restore a connection that has faded in a long-term relationship?
- How can you communicate more effectively about sex?
To learn more about Isharna, follow her on Instagram at @isharnawalsh and be sure to check out Coral at getcoral.app
Also, check out this sample exercise from Coral for a taste: Wholly Giving, Wholly Receiving
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 63: A New Way of Thinking About Sexual Orientation
If you ask someone to describe their sexuality, odds are they’ll probably tell you something about the sex or gender of the people they’re attracted to. However, that’s just one of many aspects of sexuality that might be important to a given individual. Sexuality is multidimensional, and each of us has a unique constellation of factors that play a part in our attraction to others, from the number of partners we want to have, to the degree of support and nurturance we need, to the sexual roles we like to play.
In this episode, we’re going to be talking about a new way of thinking about sexuality known as Sexual Configurations Theory that can help us to better understand and measure sexual diversity. My guests are doctoral candidate Aki Gormezano and Dr. Sari van Anders, both from Queen’s University in Canada.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What is Sexual Configurations Theory? Why is it important to expand our definition of sexual orientation beyond sex/gender-based attractions?
- To what degree do our sexual fantasies, porn use, and in-person sexual behaviors overlap versus diverge? Why do some aspects of sexuality overlap more than others, and can this change over time?
- Why is it problematic to assume that what people watch in porn necessarily reflects what they want to do in bed?
- How should we measure someone’s sexuality in a research lab? Is genital arousal to porn really the “truest” measure of someone’s sexuality?
- How can we do better, more inclusive sex research?
To learn more about Sexual Configurations Theory, check out the van Anders lab website. Also, be sure to follow my guests on Twitter @gormezaki and @sarivananders
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***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 62: The Myth of the “Hormonal Woman”
Evolutionary psychologists have long argued that women’s sexual behavior is driven by hormonal changes that occur throughout the menstrual cycle, including everything from their desire for sex to their partner choice. This has fed the popular idea that hormones are really the driving force behind women’s sexuality. As it turns out, however, that’s not entirely true.
In this episode, we’re going to be deconstructing the myth of the “hormonal woman” with Dr. Tierney Lorenz, a former Kinsey Institute trainee who is currently an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Tierney studies the interaction between women’s mental, physical, and sexual health.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What role do hormones and the menstrual cycle really play when it comes to women’s sexual behavior?
- Scientists have long argued that ovulation triggers changes in sexual behavior, but it turns out that having sex can actually trigger ovulation. So what does this mean for couples who are trying to get pregnant?
- How does having sex impact how the immune system operates?
- What is the key to boosting sexual desire? Can testosterone supplements help? What about medications?
- How do sexual health, physical health, and mental health all intersect?
- How can people with a history of sexual trauma go on to develop happier, healthier sex lives?
This interview blew my mind in several ways, so be sure to check it out! To learn more about Tierney, follow her on Twitter @tk_lorenz and follow her lab at @lab_wish
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 61: “No Nut November” and the Science of Masturbation
Each November, media buzz around the annual abstinence challenge known as “No Nut November” seems to grow. This challenge involves men giving up ejaculation for the entire month. That means no sex and no masturbation—no orgasms of any kind. Those who participate do this for a wide range of reasons, but often with the intention of enhancing their health. But are there actually any health benefits to abstaining from orgasm for prolonged periods of time?
To dive into what the science says, I spoke with Dr. Joshua Gonzalez, a board-certified urologist who is fellowship-trained in Sexual Medicine. We give a research-based take on “No Nut November,” while also offering a crash course in “semenology” to answer common questions about ejaculation and orgasm.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Where does semen come from and what is it made of?
- How many calories are in a single “serving” of semen? Is it really a source of protein?
- Why are so many men concerned about their ejaculatory volume? And is there anything they can do to increase it?
- Can abstinence from sex and masturbation enhance athletic performance?
- What is the link between masturbation and health? In what ways can being sexually active (both solo and partnered) potentially boost health?
- What are the most common sexual difficulties men experience, and what can they do to reduce their odds of developing them?
- What do men need to know about having better sex?
To learn more about Joshua, visit his website at joshuagonzalezmd.com. You can also check out his supplement Popstar at popstarlabs.com and follow him on social media:
- Instagram @JoshuaGonzalezMD
- TikTok @JoshuaGonzalezMD
- Twitter @SexMedLA
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 60: The Science of Orgasms
What does it really mean to have an orgasm? Different people—and even different scientists—define “orgasm” in different ways, which makes this a surprisingly difficult subject to study scientifically. So how do you measure when someone has an orgasm in a research lab? For this episode, I spoke to an orgasm researcher who has figured out how to do it. Her methods and findings are absolutely fascinating and will change everything you think you know about orgasms!
My guest today is Dr. Nicole Prause, a licensed psychologist and sex researcher who founded the sexual biotechnology company Liberos. She is a former Kinsey Institute trainee and has published an extensive body of research on the neuroscience and psychophysiology of sex.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What technology do you need to study orgasms scientifically?
- Orgasms have both a physiological and a psychological component—but they don’t always line up in the same way for everyone. So what does it mean when someone experiences one but not the other?
- What does it actually mean to have multiple orgasms? Are we talking back-to-back orgasms with continued sexual stimulation? Can you take breaks? How much time can pass between each orgasm for it to count as “multiple?”
- Is there really a gender difference in the ability to have multiple orgasms? (The answer may surprise you!)
- Some people get sick every time they orgasm. What causes this post-orgasmic illness syndrome?
- Are there really different “types” of orgasms, or are all orgasms technically the same process?
- What happens inside the brain during an orgasm?
- For people who have trouble orgasming, what can they do about it?
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 59: Can You “Cheat-Proof” Your Relationship?
Most people say that their ideal relationship would be monogamous. Despite this, however, a lot of people seem to have a really hard time maintaining monogamy. So why is that? And if monogamy is what you want, how can you most successfully maintain it and reduce the risk of infidelity?
For the answers to these questions, I spoke with Dr. Lucia O’Sullivan, a Professor of Psychology at the University of New Brunswick. She has published over 100 peer-reviewed articles on sexual and romantic relationships and is an Associate Editor of the Journal of Sex Research.
Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:
- What does it mean to be “monogamous?” Do different people define monogamy in different ways?
- Why is it a bad idea to assume monogamy in a relationship?
- What works and what doesn’t when it comes to maintaining monogamy? Is there anything you can do to “cheat-proof” your relationship?
- What happens when someone in a monogamous relationship develops a crush on someone else? When is this harmless, and when does it become a threat to the relationship?
- Are some people better equipped to maintain monogamy than others?
- What happens when someone “poaches” a partner from another relationship? How do those relationships tend to work out?
- What does sex education look like around the world?
To learn more about Lucia, check out her Psychology Today blog “At First Blush” and her website SexMeetsRelationships.com
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***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 58: The Sex Lives of College Students
What do the sex lives of college students today look like? And how have they changed over time? I spoke with a sex educator who has amassed more than 30 years’ worth of data from students taking her university human sexuality courses. In total, she surveyed nearly 7,000 students and has obtained unique insights into how everything from kink to faking orgasms to condom use has changed since the 1990s.
My guest today is Dr. Sandra Caron, a Professor of Family Relations and Human Sexuality at the University of Maine. She is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and a licensed therapist. Her latest book is titled The Sex Lives of College Students.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Has the rise of abstinence-only sex education affected the age at which young people start having sex?
- What is the average number of sexual partners a college student has?
- Why are fake orgasms on the rise among both college men and women alike?
- Are college students masturbating more today than they were in the past?
- Have college students gotten kinkier over time?
- How have same-sex behavior and sexual identity changed among young people?
- Are college students today taking more sexual risks or are they practicing safer sex?
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 57: The Science of Sexual Fluidity and Gender Fluidity
A lot of people think about sexual orientation and gender as stable characteristics of the self–they think that people are just born a certain way. While it’s certainly true that many people do demonstrate stability in these traits throughout their lives, not everyone does. Many people experience some degree of sexual and/or gender fluidity, which can manifest in unexpected shifts in identity and expression over time. To be clear, this isn’t to say that sexuality and gender are conscious choices that people can simply change at will at any time, nor is it to say that sexual orientation and gender identity have no genetic or biological basis; rather, it’s just that sexuality and gender can be more dynamic across the lifespan than you might think.
For this episode of the podcast, I took a deep dive into the science of sexual and gender fluidity with Dr. Lisa Diamond, a Professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah. She is author of the incredible book Sexual Fluidity.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How common is sexual fluidity, and what does it look like?
- What is gender fluidity, and how is it similar to or different from being nonbinary or transgender?
- How do sexual and gender fluidity intersect? Are people who are fluid in one way more likely to be fluid in others?
- Where does fluidity come from, and is it possible that fluidity (as opposed to stability) is the really the norm?
- Are essentialist arguments, such as the “born this way” concept, necessary and helpful in the pursuit of LGBTQ+ rights?
- What does it mean to have a “sexual orientation?” Is it inherently about sex/gender-based attractions? Or do we all have multiple orientations, with sex/gender being just one type of orientation?
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 56: Where Do Sexual Fetishes Come From?
People can develop sexual fetishes for virtually anything. In fact, it’s not a stretch to say that if you can think of it, somebody probably has a fetish for it. So why is that? How do fetishes develop in the first place? Are some people more likely to develop them than others? And what role does porn play in all of this?
For the answers to these questions, I spoke with Dr. Jim Pfaus, a researcher in behavioral neuroscience in the Department of Psychology and Life Sciences at Charles University in Prague and with the Czech National Institute of Mental Health. Jim has conducted some fascinating research on animals that sheds important light on how fetishes might develop in humans.
His studies show that rats can learn to associate sex with everything from articles of clothing to specific odors (including very aversive smells). Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does it mean to have a sexual fetish?
- How can learning theory help to explain the development of fetishes?
- How do people’s early sexual experiences affect their sexual turn-ons?
- Are some people more predisposed to developing fetishes than others?
- In what ways does pornography shape our sexual interests?
- How has porn (and what kind of porn people find to be arousing) changed over time?
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 55: Sex, Pleasure, Consent, and the Intimate Lives of Teens Today
Today’s youth are facing a complicated landscape when it comes to sex. They live in a world where sex is all around and porn is more easily accessible than ever before, but they’re not being educated about it and they’re receiving a lot of mixed messages. So are young adults getting what they want out of sex and relationships? What do their intimate lives look like? And what can parents and schools do to better support them?
For insight into these questions, I spoke with Peggy Orenstein, author of The New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex and Girls & Sex. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over 5 million times.
Peggy conducted in-depth interviews with dozens of teens and college students about their intimate lives for her recent books, and the results were fascinating. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How do today’s youth define the terms “sex” and “virginity?”
- Young women today have been empowered in many ways compared to generations past, but that doesn’t seem to be translating into sexual empowerment. Why is that?
- Why does pleasure need to be a central focus of sex education? How does sex ed need to change more broadly?
- How are young people today navigating conversations around consent?
- How do young men feel about “hookup culture?” Is hookup culture disenfranchising everyone?
- How are LGBTQ youth faring in all of this?
- How can parents have more effective and productive conversations about sex with their kids?
To learn more about Peggy and her work, visit peggyorenstein.com
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 54: How To Have Better Sex And Deal With Sexual Difficulties
Sexual difficulties are common, but people tend to have a really hard time talking about them. In fact, people often find it easier to avoid the subject entirely, which can lead sex to disappear in a relationship. So how can people start healthy and productive conversations about sexual difficulties? What can they do to address them? And whether sexual difficulties are present or not, how can you have better sex?
For insight into these topics and more, I spoke with Jeff Abraham, CEO of the company Absorption Pharmaceuticals. Jeff built a successful tech company that allowed him to retire early—but he later emerged from retirement to run a sexual health company founded by urologist Dr. Ronald Gilbert, who developed a product called Promescent designed to help men last longer in bed.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- We’ve all heard that “sex sells,” but does it really? What are some of the challenges of running a sexual health and wellness company?
- How long does it usually take men and women to orgasm? What is the size of the orgasm gap?
- What counts as “premature ejaculation” anyway?
- Why is it that premature ejaculation sometimes gets misdiagnosed as erectile dysfunction?
- How do you bring up the topic of sexual difficulties with a partner, whether you’re the one experiencing a difficulty or your partner is?
- Is there anything that men can do to last longer in bed?
- What do both men and women need to know about having better sex?
To learn more about Jeff and his company, visit promescent.com
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 53: Everything You Think You Know About Sex Is Probably Wrong
Have you ever heard that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris, or that the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis? These statements appear as facts in countless social media posts, news articles, and books. There’s just one problem with them, though—they’re wrong. It turns out that so many of the things we think we know about sex and that we hear repeated over and over just aren’t true.
That’s why this episode of the podcast is all about what we don’t know about sex. To help us set the record straight, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Dawn Hamilton. She is an associate professor of Psychology at Mount Allison University in Sackville, where she teaches about sex, gender, and neuroscience. Lisa Dawn also has a fantastic podcast called Do We Know Things? that corrects common misconceptions about sex.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What is the G-spot, really?
- Do we actually know what the average penis size is?
- Can men have multiple orgasms, too?
- Does peeing after sex really reduce your risk of getting urinary tract infections?
- What is the real purpose of pubic hair, and how is public hair removal related to STD risk?
- How do hormones like testosterone and oxytocin really affect us?
- How do the brains of monogamous and non-monogamous men differ?
- What’s the connection between sexual arousal and disgust? Why does disgust sometimes become a sexual turn-on?
To learn more about Lisa Dawn and her work, visit doweknowthings.com
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 52: Sex Fantasies Around The World
Do people from different cultures have different sexual fantasies? Or are there common threads that run through our fantasy worlds? As someone who studies fantasies, these are questions that have long interested me—and now I have some answers!
During my recent study abroad course on sex and culture in Amsterdam, I met the author of the largest study of erotic fantasies in the Netherlands. He traveled to festivals with a caravan and interviewed hundreds of people about their sexual turn-ons. Needless to say, I had to do a podcast with him!
My guest today is Lucas De Man, an artist, TV host, and CEO of the company New Heroes. In collaboration with psychologist Mariëlle de Goede, he published a book titled Yes, Please! about his work on Dutch sex fantasies, which they are currently expanding to include a worldwide audience.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How do you get people to open up about their sexual fantasies during an interview? And how can you be sure they’re being honest?
- What do our sexual fantasies tell us about ourselves?
- How are sexual fantasies similar around the world? How are they different?
- Why do Americans seem to be more into cuckolding than Europeans?
- Where do our sexual fantasies come from?
- What happens when celebrities share their sexual fantasies in front of a live audience? How do you get them to open up, and how does the audience typically respond?
Learn more about Lucas here.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 51: American Hookup – Inside College Hookup Culture
When did college “hookup culture” actually begin? Who is it helping, and who is it hurting? And what can people today do to navigate hookup culture and casual sex in healthy ways?
For the answers to these questions, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Wade, an associate professor of sociology and gender and sexuality studies at Tulane University. She is also the author of the book, American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does the term “hookup culture” actually mean?
- When did college hookup culture first begin?
- Who is hookup culture helping? Who is it hurting?
- What does hookup culture look like for the LGBTQ+ community?
- How can young adults more successfully navigate hookup culture?
- How do you have good and healthy casual sex?
- How has the COVID-19 pandemic changed hookup culture?
To learn more about Lisa and her work, visit her website at lisa-wade.com and check out her book, American Hookup.
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 50: How Many Reasons Are There To Have Sex? At Least 237
Why do humans have sex? To many, the answer to this question might seem obvious—but the truth is that our reasons for sex are many and varied, and some of the reasons people cite might very well surprise you!
For this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Dr. Cindy Meston, a Professor of Clinical Psychology and Director of the Female Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of Texas at Austin. She has studied humans’ motivations for sex extensively and is the author of the book Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between).
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What are the most common reasons humans have sex?
- What are the least common reasons?
- How do reasons for sex differ across men and women?
- Do our reasons for sex change as we age?
- Why is it that genital arousal and psychological arousal don’t always line up? And what does this mean?
- What effect does Viagra have in women? Are there any women for whom it can offer therapeutic benefits?
- How does sexual arousal change sexual decision-making?
- How do you build and maintain a career studying sex when there’s very little research funding for it?
To learn more about Cindy and her work, visit her website at mestonlab.com and check out her book, Why Women Have Sex!
This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych
***Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 49: Divorce Sucks – How To Move On After Breakup
Divorce sucks. It can suck away your time and energy, your money, and, in some cases, even your will to live. So is there anything you can do to “divorce-proof” your relationship and avoid this kind of pain? And if you’re going through a divorce, how do you put the pieces back together and move forward in a healthy way?
For the answers, I spoke with Dr. Patrick Markey, a Professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at Villanova University. He is co-author of the new book F*ck Divorce: A Science Based Guide to Piecing Yourself Back Together After Your Life Implodes. We talked all about Patrick’s new book and dug into some of his fascinating research on human sexuality.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How do you cope with the stress of divorce and breakup? What should (and shouldn’t) you do?
- How do you most effectively support a friend or family member who is going through a divorce?
- When should you stay on good terms with an ex vs. cut them out of your life completely?
- How do you navigate divorce where there are kids in the picture?
- When is the right time to get back on the dating scene, and how do you start over in a healthy way?
- What can you do to reduce the risk of future divorce?
- How does our interest in sex change throughout the year? Why is sexual desire seasonal?
- How do our sexual interests change following political elections? (This is fascinating!)
To learn more about Patrick and his work, follow him on Twitter @patmarkey and check out his new book co-authored with Dr. Erica Slotter, F*ck Divorce.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 48: Sex On The Brain
Everyone’s brain is a little different when it comes to sex—and understanding how your sexual brain works is one of the keys to unlocking more pleasure and improving your sex life. That’s why this episode is all about the brain mechanisms that underlie sexual response, and it’s going to change the way that you think about sex.
I interviewed Emily Nagoski, the New York Times bestselling author of the books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. She is also co-author of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She combines sex education and stress education in her work to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What is the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response and why is it crucial to understanding our own sexuality?
- Why do many people (but especially women) sometimes experience a disconnect between genital arousal and psychological arousal?
- What’s the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire?
- What can people do to boost sexual desire? And is there any role for medication in this?
- How can you better manage stress so that it doesn’t kill desire?
- What are some practical ways to improve your body image? And how can changing the way you see yourself give your sex life a boost?
To learn more about Emily and her work, visit her website at emilynagoski.com and check out her books Come As You Are, The Come As You Are Workbook, and Burnout.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 47: The Truth About Testosterone
Testosterone is one of the most misunderstood and maligned hormones in the human body. It gets blamed for toxic masculinity, sexual assault, aggression, and more. That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology podcast covers what you really need to know about testosterone and how it affects us.
I spoke with Dr. Carole Hooven, who is a lecturer and codirector of undergraduate studies in the Department of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University. She earned her PhD at Harvard, studying sex differences and testosterone, and has taught there ever since. Dr. Hooven is the author of the fascinating new book T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- To what extent are sex differences a product of hormones and biology vs. socialization?
- How does testosterone affect sexual behavior in men and women?
- What can transgender persons taking hormone therapy teach us about how testosterone affects all of us?
- What is the link between testosterone and sexual orientation?
- Does abstaining from masturbation really increase testosterone in men?
- How can a more scientifically informed understanding of testosterone benefit all of us?
To learn more about Carole and her work, follow her on Twitter @hoovlet and check out her latest book T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 46: The Sex Education You Deserve
It’s time to reimagine sex education and start giving people the sex ed they need—and deserve. So what should that look like? That’s the subject of my latest podcast with special guest Dr. Kristen Mark. We talk all about the sex ed that does and doesn’t work and explore tips on cultivating happier and healthier sex lives and relationships, including how to keep the spark alive and how to work through sexual trauma.
Dr. Mark is the Joycelyn Elders Endowed Chair and Professor in Sexual Health Education at the Institute for Sexual and Gender Health at the University of Minnesota Medical School. She is also a sex and relationship researcher and therapist, and an AASECT certified sex educator.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What does sex education look like around the world? Which models work, and which ones don’t?
- Beyond reducing STIs and unwanted pregnancies, how can better sex education make society healthier overall?
- Why should pleasure be a central focus of sex ed?
- How can people in long-term relationships keep the spark alive?
- What should you do if you and your partner want different amounts of sex? How do you bridge that divide?
- How can bisexual people cultivate healthy relationships in the face of bisexual stigma?
- How do you cultivate a satisfying sex life if you have a history of sexual trauma?
To learn more about Kristen and her work, visit her website at kristenmark.com and follow her on Twitter @Kristen_Mark
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 45: Why Marriage Is So Hard, And How To Make It Better
Marriage is hard. And, in many ways, it’s harder today than it was in the past because what we’re asking of our partners now is so dramatically different than it was before. Whereas marriage used to be about meeting basic survival needs, it’s become more about self-actualization. And so if we want to understand how to make the institution of marriage better, we have to look at it in the context of our ever-changing needs and expectations. That’s why this episode of the podcast is all about the science of marriage and how to cultivate happier and healthier marriages.
I interviewed Dr. Eli Finkel, a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He is also the author of one of my favorite books, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How and why have our expectations for marriage changed over the last century?
- How do we manage conflicting needs in our relationships, such as the need for excitement and surprise vs. the need for stability and security?
- Can opening up a monogamous marriage help to save it?
- How has the pandemic shaped marriage and relationships, for better or for worse?
- How can we make marriage better? What can you do to keep it healthy and strong?
- Should we be asking less of our partners?
- How do you keep sex healthy and hot in a long-term relationship?
To learn more about Eli and his work, visit his website at elifinkel.com and check out his book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 44: The Science of Kink, BDSM, and Fetishes
There are a lot of things people get wrong about kink, including the idea it’s inherently rooted in trauma and mental illness, that it’s abusive, and that kinky people can’t develop healthy relationships. That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the science of kink, BDSM, and fetishes!
I interviewed Dr. Richard Sprott, who studies identity development, health, and well-being in alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships. He currently teaches at California State University, East Bay and he is co-author of the book Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- What’s the difference between kink, BDSM, and fetishes anyway?
- How common are kinky sexual interests?
- What is the link between kink and mental health?
- What’s the truth about how kink and sexual trauma are connected?
- In what ways can kink be healthy, or even therapeutic?
- Where do kinky sexual interests come from? Do they run in families?
- Do kinky sexual interests change with age?
- How should we think about kink—is it a sexual orientation or a leisure activity?
To learn more about Richard and his work, visit tashra.org
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 43: The Truth About Polyamory
People’s interest in polyamory is growing. For example, Google trends reveal that searches related to polyamory have risen significantly over the last decade. However, while interest is climbing, myths and misconceptions abound, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast offers a deep dive into the world of polyamory.
I interviewed Dr. Heath Schechinger. He is a Counseling Psychologist at the University of California Berkeley and also maintains a private practice. Heath is the Founding Co-Chair of the Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy within Division 44 of the American Psychological Association, and he is the Co-Founder of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Who’s into polyamory and what are the different “shapes” that a polyamorous relationship might take?
- What is “solo polyamory” and how does it work?
- What are the unique benefits of consensual non-monogamy? What are the unique benefits of monogamy?
- If you’re polyamorous and seeking relationship counseling, how do you go about finding an affirming therapist?
- What are the most common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with polyamorous clients?
- If you’re curious about exploring polyamory, what do you need to know? If you’re polyamorous, what do you need to know about maintaining healthy relationships?
- What’s the future of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy? Will we eventually have legal recognition of multi-partner relationships?
To learn more about Heath and his work, visit his websites at drheathschechinger.com and polyamorylegal.org
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 42: The Decisions That Make or Break a Relationship
Getting into a relationship is much easier than getting out of one. People have a tendency to slide into relationships without putting in a lot of thought. But when it comes to getting out of a relationship, people may deliberate for months, perhaps years—decades even. So why is that?
This episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about how we make relationship decisions. I interviewed Dr. Samantha Joel, an Assistant Professor at Western University. Her research examines how people make the decisions that grow or break apart their romantic relationships. Sam has a fascinating body of work that I am so excited to share with you!
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Can computer programs predict who we’re going to be attracted to before we ever even meet someone? Can these programs also predict which relationships are going to stand the test of time?
- What are the factors that predict relationship happiness? What predicts when couples decide to break up?
- Are people more afraid of missing out on an opportunity for love or being rejected?
- Why do so many of us have such a hard time rejecting romantic prospects who aren’t a good match for us?
- Is having sex with an ex-partner a good or bad idea? Does ex-sex prevent you from moving on?
- Why is it easier to get into a relationship than to get out of one?
- What happens when a couple decides to open up their relationship? Does it change the quality of that relationship over time?
To learn more about Sam, visit her website and follow her on Twitter @datingdecisions
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 41: The Secrets of Relationship Success
It is often said that the most important decision you make in your life is who you decide to have a relationship with—yet most of us are never really taught anything about how to make this decision. As a result, we typically learn how to navigate relationships through trial and error, but there are usually a lot of errors along the way! That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about boosting your relationship IQ by revealing the secrets of relationship success.
I interviewed relationship expert Dr. Gary Lewandowski. He is a Professor at Monmouth University and author of the new book Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- How believing in the idea of a “soul mate” holds us back from finding relationship happiness.
- Why it’s OK—and healthy—to be a little bit selfish in your relationship.
- How too much closeness in your relationship can push you and your partner apart.
- Why you shouldn’t tell your partner, “if you love me, you’ll change.”
- How going for a partner who is way more attractive than you can produce a less stable relationship.
- Why it’s important to embrace disagreement and conflict in your relationship.
- Why breakups usually aren’t as bad as we think they’re going to be—and how to move on after a relationship ends.
To learn more about Gary, visit his website and check out his new book Stronger Than You Think.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 40: Sexual Deception, Jealousy, and the Dark Side of Relationships
Although sex, dating, and relationships can bring us great joy, they also have a very dark side. For example, people sometimes lie or deceive others in order to have sex. And in dating and relationships, jealousy sometimes turns into violence. So why do these things happen in the first place? And what can we do to prevent them?
I interviewed Dr. David Buss, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He is considered the world’s leading scientific expert on strategies of human mating and is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His latest book is titled When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- Why is sexual deception so common in the world of dating? What are the deeper roots behind this behavior, and what can we do about it?
- How many people in relationships cultivate “back-up mates” in case things don’t work out with their current partner? Why is this behavior so common?
- Why are we often drawn to partners with “dark” personality traits, such as narcissism?
- Why is jealousy “the most dangerous emotion?” If jealousy causes so many negative effects, is it really an adaptive emotion?
- Why is it important to consider evolutionary perspectives on human sexuality? Can adopting an evolutionary perspective help us to prevent sexual harassment and violence?
To learn more about David, visit his website and check out his new book When Men Behave Badly.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 39: The Surprising Secrets of STDs
Is it really true that having a greater number of sexual partners necessarily means you have a greater risk for sexually transmitted infections (STDs)? Nope! It turns out that a lot of the things we think we know about STDs are just plain wrong, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the surprising secrets of STDs.
I interviewed Dr. Ina Park, an associate professor at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine. She is also a Medical Consultant at the Division of STD Prevention at the CDC, and Medical Director of the California Prevention Training Center. She is author of the new book Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs.
Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:
- The conventional wisdom is that STDs are caused by promiscuity—but is it really the case that having more partners necessarily translates to greater risk?
- Is everyone equally vulnerable to STDs? Do some people have more natural immunity?
- How does STD contact tracing work, and what kinds of reactions do people tend to have when a contact tracer informs them that they might have an STD?
- Potential contestants on The Bachelor are screened for STDs before coming on the show, and a positive result is the most common reason for disqualification; however, a lot of people receive false positives because certain tests have low accuracy rates. So is this a good idea or a bad idea?
- Can an STD really ‘highjack’ your brain and change your sexual behavior to facilitate viral transmission?
- How do our constantly evolving sexual practices affect STDs?
- What’s the connection between pubic hair grooming and STDs?
- Are online dating apps responsible for increasing rates of STDs?
- How do you have effective conversations with a sex or dating partner about STDs?
To learn more about Ina, visit her website at inapark.net and check out her new book Strange Bedfellows!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 38: Sex Dreams And What They Mean
Where do our dreams come from? And what, if anything, do they actually mean? As someone who is a very vivid dreamer every single night, I have always been curious to learn more about the psychology of dreaming (including our sex dreams), so I invited a dream expert onto the podcast to explore what the science actually says.
For this episode, I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist who has published several studies on the topic of dreaming.
Some of the topics we explore include:
- Why do we dream in the first place? Does dreaming serve a purpose?
- How many times per night do we dream, and what are the most common dream themes?
- How often do people dream about sex, and why do some people dream about it more than others?
- Do sexual and romantic dreams reflect our waking experiences?
- How do dreams influence behavior in waking life, including how we feel about our partners?
- What do we know about lucid dreams (dreams where you recognize that you’re in a dream)?
- What do our dreams mean? And is there any value in analyzing them?
- Is there any truth to Freud’s theories on dreaming?
To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 37: Inside an Affair – Sex, Lies, and Cheating
What does an affair really look like? What do people do, say, and feel when they cheat on a romantic partner? And why do so many people commit infidelity in the first place? In this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, we take you inside an affair.
I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, who is a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist by training, who studies topics relating to attraction and dating, romantic relationships, sexuality, and dreaming.
Dylan has published an extensive body of research on infidelity, and we dive into some of the key things he has discovered, including:
- What counts as “cheating” anyway?
- How common is infidelity?
- What are the main reasons why people cheat? And do those reasons vary across men and women?
- What are the most common intimate behaviors that take place during an affair? Are affairs really all about sex?
- How often do affairs lead to breakup?
- How is infidelity similar or different in same-sex vs. mixed sex relationships?
- Is there ever anything positive than can come out of an affair?
To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 36: The Magic of Masturbation
May is Masturbation Month, so let’s talk self-pleasure! Masturbation is a topic that has long been shrouded by secrecy and shame, and it’s well past time that we bust the harmful myths, break the taboo, and normalize self-pleasure.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Marie Aoyama, who works in the Global Marketing Department for TENGA, a Japanese-based sexual health and wellness brand enabling users around the world to celebrate self-pleasure with its innovative and diverse sex and masturbation toys.
TENGA recently released their 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, which was based on a representative survey of 1,000 American adults aged 18-54. This survey offers important insights into masturbation attitudes and practices in the United States today, as well as how they have changed during the COVID-19 pandemic.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- How did self-pleasure change over the last year?
- Why was there a bigger drop in masturbation for women than there was for men during the pandemic?
- What do people actually do when they masturbate?
- When people fantasize during masturbation, who and what are they most likely to think about?
- What are the benefits of self-pleasure, and why should we think of it as a form of self-care?
- If people had to give up either sex or masturbation for a month, which one do you think they’d choose? (The answer may surprise you!)
- How many people are comfortable talking openly about masturbation? And what do we need to do to break the taboos surrounding self-pleasure?
To learn more about the key findings from TENGA’s 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, see here.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 35: The Guide To Opening Up A Relationship
One of the most common questions I get asked as a sex educator is how to open up a monogamous relationship. People ask about this for a wide range of reasons. For example, some folks have always wanted to do it, but never knew quite how to go about it. Others just want to try something new and different, or find the idea exciting. Yet others are in long-distance relationships and seeking to provide a sexual outlet. So what do you need to know if you’re thinking about giving this a try?
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with certified sex therapist Martha Kauppi. Her private practice in Madison, Wisconsin, specializes in complex relational therapy, sex issues, and family structures. She is the founding director of the Institute for Relational Intimacy and author of the new book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients).
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- What draws people to open and polyamorous relationships in the first place?
- How does having an open relationship tend to work out?
- What are the questions you need to ask yourself if you’re thinking about opening up your relationship?
- What are the key things you need to discuss with your partner before opening up?
- What goes into a successful relationship agreement, and how do you make an agreement you can actually stick to?
- What is “new relationship energy” and why is this a double-edged sword in open and polyamorous relationships?
- What are the most common problems that arise in open relationships, and how do you deal with them?
- What if you open up your relationship, but one partner wants to go back to being monogamous and the other doesn’t?
To learn more about Martha, visit her website here and be sure to check out her new book, Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients).
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 34: How To Talk To Your Doctor About Sex
Sex is a topic that is all too often neglected in the doctor’s office. That’s unfortunate because our health affects our sex lives and, at the same time, our sex lives affect our health. We need to open the lines of sexual communication in medical settings so that we can help people to lead happier, healthier lives both in and out of the bedroom.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Michael Moreno. Dr Moreno is a family medicine physician of nearly 25 years. He is author of the New York Times Best-Selling 17 Day Diet book series and host of the Podcast WELLNESS INC. His work focuses on encouraging and sustaining positive lifestyle change.
This episode offers a physician’s perspective on sex. Some of the topics we cover include:
- What is the role of a healthy lifestyle in having a good sex life?
- Why do we need to stop looking for a pill to fix every sexual problem?
- How much training do physicians actually get in sexual medicine?
- How can we make medical offices a more comfortable environment for discussing sex for doctors and patients alike?
- What are the most common sexual health issues that come up in the doctor’s office?
- Why are so many young men today reporting erectile difficulties to their doctors?
- How often are sexual problems based in skewed perceptions of what’s “normal” when it comes to sex?
To learn more about Dr. Moreno, visit his website here and check out his 17 Day Diet book.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 33: How To Keep Passion Alive
In long-term relationships, feelings of passion tend to be really intense in the beginning, but typically decrease over time. As a result, one of the most common questions people ask about relationships is how to get that spark back—and keep it going.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Amy Muise, an Assistant Professor at York University in Toronto, Canada who studies how couples can maintain sexual desire and satisfaction over time.
We talked about the key things Amy has learned through her research, including how to keep passion alive, how to deal effectively with sexual disagreements, whether having more sex would make you happier, why cuddling after sex is good for your relationship, and so much more.
Some of the topics we cover include:
-
How can engaging in “self-expanding” activities help couples get the spark back in their relationship?
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Why is being motivated to meet your partner’s sexual needs crucial to maintaining passion?
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What happens when one partner consistently wants more sex than the other? How do you bridge a sexual divide like this?
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What does it mean to “positively reject” a partner’s request for sex? How do you turn down sex in a positive way?
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Are couples who have more sex necessarily happier than couples who have less sex?
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How much does what you do after sex matter?
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How often do people in relationships fantasize about ex-partners, and what does this mean for their relationships?
To learn more about Amy, visit her website here and follow her on Twitter @AmyMuise.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 32: Sex and Relationship Therapy With LGBTQ Patients
What does sex and relationship therapy look like for LGBTQ patients? What are the main issues that come up, and how are they similar to or different from the issues that arise in therapy with cisgender, heterosexual clients?
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Thomas Whitfield, a sex therapist, educator, and researcher based in New York City whose work focuses on the LGBTQ population. Thomas is one of the co-hosts of the podcast The Obsessables and he has a YouTube channel called Sh*t They Won’t Tell You in Sex Ed.
We talked all about common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with LGBTQ persons, as well as maintaining sexual health for sexual minorities.
Some of the topics we cover include:
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What are the main issues that prompt LGBTQ persons to seek sex therapy?
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How do you help a client who may be struggling with internalized homophobia?
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What are the main issues that arise in LGBTQ couple’s therapy?
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What are the unique issues that come up in sex therapy with bisexual persons?
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What is PrEP and how does it work to prevent HIV? Also, how does being on PrEP impact psychology and sexual behavior?
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What do lesbian and bisexual women need to know about maintaining good sexual health?
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How do you have productive and healthy conversions with a partner about STD status?
To learn more about Thomas, visit his website here and be sure to check out his YouTube channel.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 31: Common Sex Problems, And How To Fix Them
Sexual difficulties are more common than you might think. In fact, data from large nationally-representative surveys indicate that just over half of women and more than 40% of men report having experienced at least one sexual problem in the last year alone. The most common problem areas include issues with desire, arousal, orgasm, painful intercourse, and performance anxiety. So how fixable are these problems, and how are they most effectively treated?
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus. She is the cofounder and clinical director of Maze Women’s Sexual Health, the largest independent women’s sexual health center in the United States. For twenty years, she has overseen the treatment of thousands of women ages 18-81. Her latest book is titled Sex Points: Reclaim Your Sex Life With the Revolutionary Multi-Point System.
We talk all about the novel system she created to help women understand where they are in their sex lives. We also discuss how everyone—at any age, in any situation—can have better sex.
Some of the topics we cover include:
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Why are vibrators “the most underutilized tool in women’s sexual arsenal?”
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Why do we need to get away from the idea that we can fix every sexual problem simply by taking the right pill?
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What does it really mean to have great sex?
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What are the most effective treatments for low sexual desire and/or arousal?
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How do you treat problems with painful sex?
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What can be done for people who have difficulty orgasming, or who have never had an orgasm before?
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How do you deal with sexual anxiety effectively?
To learn more about Bat Sheva, check out her website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, Sex Points.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 30: The Future of Sex and Relationships
The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted our sexual and romantic lives in a lot of different ways over the last year, and while some of the changes that occurred are temporary, others may stick around for years to come. So what’s in store for sex and relationships in the future, post-COVID world?
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Jessica Pels and Dr. Amanda Gesselman. Jessica is the Editor-in-Chief of Cosmopolitan, the largest young women’s media brand in the world. She oversees the content and editorial operations for Cosmopolitan’s magazine, website, and social media. Amanda is the Associate Director for Research at The Kinsey Institute and she researches new trends in the romantic and sexual lives of adults around the world, as well as how technology can be used to facilitate meaningful connections.
Cosmopolitan recently partnered with the Kinsey Institute to survey more than 2,000 Americans about the future of sex and relationships after COVID. The results are fascinating and were published in the April issue of Cosmo. In this episode, we explore the story behind this unique research collaboration and key findings from the survey.
Some of the topics we cover include:
- Why are so many people suddenly prioritizing committed relationships over casual sex? Will this trend persist?
- How has the nature of online dating changed during the pandemic, and what will online dating look like in the future?
- How has this pandemic changed communication around sexual risk, and will this situation ultimately lead us to have safer sex in the future?
- How did people in relationships fare during the pandemic?
- How has COVID-19 shifted people’s attitudes toward both infidelity and consensual non-monogamy?
- Why were so many people experimenting with their sexuality during the pandemic? What’s the psychology behind this, and what does it mean for our sex lives going forward?
To learn more about the findings from this survey, visit Cosmo’s website or check out the latest issue. You can also follow @Jessica_Pels and @angesselman on Twitter to learn more about their work.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 29: So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex
Dr. Ian Kerner is the Sherlock Holmes of sex—he’s a detective who helps people to understand the mysteries behind their sexual problems. His approach to sex therapy begins with a simple question: “So tell me about the last time you had sex.” This question establishes the “scene of the crime,” and then it all becomes a matter of searching for the clues that led up to it.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Kerner, who co-leads the sex therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City. He is the New York Times best-selling author of the book She Comes First, and his latest book titled: So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.
We talk all about Dr. Kerner’s unique approach to sex therapy, how people at home can use it as a form of self-help, and general tips for improving your intimate life.
Specific topics we cover include:
- How is sex therapy like a form of detective work? And how can this approach help sex therapists to better serve their clients?
- How can you better understand your own—and our partner’s—sexual scripts, and why is this a vital first step in fixing a sexual problem?
- What are the different frameworks for sexual desire? And what can you do if you and your partner have different desire frameworks?
- How is sex therapy similar or different with heterosexual patients compared to LGBTQ patients?
- Why is it important for us to change the way we think about our own sexual fantasies?
- How can you more effectively communicate about your fantasies with a partner?
To learn more about Dr. Kerner, check out his website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 28: How To Have Great Sex For Your Entire Life
People have a tendency to think that the best sex of their life is in the past—it’s the sex they had when they were younger. So when people think about what their sex lives will look like in the future, they don’t necessarily see themselves as having much to look forward to. However, this line of thinking is all wrong. Sex can—and often does—get better with age. So what do you need to know when it comes to having great sex for your entire life?
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with author Tracey Cox. Tracey has been writing about sex for 30 years and has published 16 books, with her latest being Great Sex Starts at 50. She has been everywhere in the media, she writes a regular column for MailOnline, and she hosts a weekly radio show. Tracey also has her own line of sex toys with Lovehoney.
We talk about how to cultivate good habits in the bedroom to keep your sex life hot for decades to come. We also address common sexual issues that arise and how to deal with them effectively.
Specific topics we cover include:
- How can sex get even better as we get older?
- How do you start conversations about sex with your partner—and keep them going over time?
- Why should we stop thinking about orgasm as the ultimate goal of sex?
- How do you deal with body image issues that negatively impact your sex life?
- How do you get the spark back in your relationship when passion declines?
- Why is monogamy harder on women’s libido than it is on men’s?
- How do you deal with common sexual problems that arise with age (e.g., vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction)?
- How can using sex toys transform your sex life?
- How do you deal with a sexless marriage or relationship?
To learn more about Tracey, check out her website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her book, Great Sex Starts at 50.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 27: The Guide to Casual Sex and Healthy Hookups
Much has been said and written in the popular media about ‘hookup culture’ and the rise of casual sex. Trend pieces often portray casual sex as inherently damaging and bad for our mental health. But is this actually the case? How does casual sex really affect us? And what do you need to know when it comes to having good casual sex?
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher, speaker, writer, and consultant. She currently teaches human sexuality courses at New York University and also runs a course called Open Smarter, which helps people figure out what type of relationship is right for them based on science. In the first half of the program, we talk about Zhana’s research on casual sex, and in the second half, we discuss monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, and everything in between.
Topics we cover include:
- What does it mean to have ‘casual sex’ anyway? What are the different forms it can take?
- How many people are having casual sex, and is this increasing or decreasing?
- How does casual sex affect us, for better or for worse?
- Is casual sex really as ‘casual’ as the name implies, or are people looking for more than just sex?
- How can people have better casual sex?
- How do you know whether monogamy or non-monogamy is right for you?
- When and for whom is it a good idea to consider opening up a relationship?
- If you’re thinking about opening up your relationship or exploring the world of consensual non-monogamy, what do you need to know to start out on the right foot?
To learn more about Zhana and her Open Smarter course, check out her website here.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 26: Inside a Strip Club With a Cultural Anthropologist
For her doctoral dissertation, Dr. Katherine Frank worked as a dancer in several strip clubs and interviewed the regulars. As a student of anthropology, it was important for her to “do as the natives do” and really immerse herself in that environment to truly understand it. And what she learned is absolutely fascinating.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Frank to give you an inside look at her research, what really happens inside a strip club, and what the people visiting these establishments are really looking for. In the first half of the program, we discuss her dissertation work and the book she published based on it, titled G-Strings and Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Sexual Desire. In the second half, we discuss her recent research on group sex, which she explored in the book Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex.
Topics we cover include:
- Who are the men who visit strip clubs? What are their backgrounds like, and why are they visiting these clubs in the first place? (Hint: It’s about far more than sexual arousal!)
- How did working in these clubs change the way that Dr. Frank views the customers?
- How challenging is it to do a university-approved study that involves working inside a strip club?
- Is it really true that ovulating strippers get more tips than women on hormonal contraceptives?
- Why is group sex such a popular fantasy and how many people have ever done it in real life?
- How does consent work in an orgy?
- For people interested in group sex, what do they need to know when it comes to having safe and pleasurable experiences?
To learn more about Dr. Frank and her work, visit her website and be sure to check out her books G-Strings and Sympathy and Plays Well in Groups.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 25: An Inside Look at a Sex Research Conference
What actually goes on at a sex research conference? A lot of people seem to have the impression that it’s just a non-stop sex party. I hate to disappoint, but that’s not the case! I’m going lift the curtain and tell you what really goes on when a group of sex researchers get together.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Shayna Skakoon-Sparling. Shayna is a postdoctoral fellow at Ryerson University who studies sexual health decision-making and sexual negotiation. Shayna and I have been going to sex research conferences together for years and, in this episode, we give you a behind the scenes look at what these events are really like. We also discuss Shayna’s research on how sexual arousal affects the kinds of decisions that people make, sexually and otherwise.
Topics we cover include:
- What is a meeting of sex researchers really like?
- How are the sex lives of sex researchers similar to or different from the general population?
- What kinds of things will you hear about at a sex research conference that you won’t hear anywhere else?
- What are some of the most fascinating things we’ve learned by going to these conferences, and how have these meetings impacted our careers?
- How does sexual arousal affect sexual decision making? Also, how does arousal affect non-sexual decisions, including the moves that people make in a card game?
- How do you stimulate sexual arousal in a research lab anyway?
- How does a partner’s level of physical attractiveness affect people’s willingness to use (or not use) condoms?
To learn more about Shayna and her work, visit her website and follow her on Twitter @shaynagram
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 24: A Sex Writer’s Journey Into the Heart of Desire
What really takes place behind the scenes on an adult film set? What is it like to attend an orgasmic meditation retreat? Journalist Tracy-Clark Flory has the answers. In her lengthy career covering the sex beat in the popular media, she’s gone where few of us have gone before—and she’s learned a lot about the state of our current sexual culture.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Tracy to talk about her new memoir, titled Want Me: A Sex Writer’s Journey Into the Heart of Desire. Tracy is a senior staff writer at Jezebel and her writings on sex have been published all over in the media.
Topics we cover in this episode include:
- How did being a sex writer influence the relationship Tracy had with her parents?
- What was the experience of finding her father’s porn like as a teenage girl? And how do boys and girls differ in their emotional reactions to finding a parent’s porn?
- What has the public reaction been to Tracy sharing the most intimate details of her sex life in her writings, and how has this changed over time?
- How can women navigate the complex mixed-messages our culture provides around women and sex?
- What really happens behind the scenes on a porn set? What kinds of things do people tend to get wrong about how porn actually works?
- What is it like to attend an orgasmic meditation retreat?
- How has being a sex writer affected Tracy’s own sex life and relationships?
To learn more about Tracy and her work, visit her website and be sure to pick up a copy of her new book, Want Me: A Sex Writer’s Journey Into the Heart of Desire.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
Episode 23: Chemical Romance – How Drugs Can Help Us Fall In Love And Move On After Breakup
Imagine there was a drug you could take to enhance your relationship or deepen your connection with your partner. Or a drug that could get rid of romantic jealousy. Or a drug that could help you move on faster after a traumatic breakup. This isn’t science fiction—these drugs are out there, and they just might be the future of falling in and out of love.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Brian Earp, who is the Associate Director of the Yale-Hastings Program in Ethics and Health Policy at Yale University and The Hastings Center. He is also a Research Fellow in the Uehiro Centre for Practical Ethics at the University of Oxford and author of the incredible book Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships.
We had an absolutely fascinating discussion about love drugs (chemicals that enhance bonds between partners) and anti-love drugs (chemicals that break bonds), and all of the ethical and other implications of using medications to regulate our relationships and breakups. Questions we answer include:
- What is love? And what is the biochemical basis for it?
- How can MDMA (the active ingredient in ecstasy) help struggling partners? Could it (and should it) play a role in couple’s therapy?
- What does jealousy have in common with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)? And can common OCD treatments help people to get rid of pathological jealousy in relationships?
- How do you maintain your authentic self if you’re using drugs to facilitate connections with a partner? Should you change yourself to fit your relationship, or change your relationship to fit you?
- How can drugs help us to get over bad breakups? What are the implications of numbing ourselves to relationship trauma?
- Can drugs help people who are in love with an abusive partner to break the bond and exit a toxic situation?
- Should drugs be used to regulate “deviant” sexual desires and “hypersexual” behavior? Is this helpful or harmful?
- Will drugs be used to impose a certain sexual or relationship morality on people? What are the ethical implications of all of this?
To learn more about Brian and his work, follow him on Twitter and be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 22: What We Get Wrong About Bisexuality
Bisexuality continues to be one of the most misunderstood and controversial sexualities. Some people don’t think it exists at all and that it’s just a transitional identity people adopt before coming out as gay. Also, even among those who recognize that bisexuality exists, many believe things about it that aren’t true, such as the idea that bisexuality necessarily means equal attraction to men and women, or that bisexuals can only be attracted to partners within the gender binary. It’s time to bust some myths about bisexuality.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Zachary Zane, a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, lifestyle, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He has a sex advice column at Men’s Health titled “Sexplain It” and his work has been published in Rolling Stone, The Washington Post, GQ, Playboy, and more. He also has a weekly newsletter, titled BOYSLUT, where he writes erotic essays.
In this episode, we talk all things bisexuality. We also discuss the taboos around sex toys for men and answer sex questions submitted by my Instagram followers. Things you’ll learn include:
- What does it really mean to be bisexual?
- What’s the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality?
- What are the most common things people (and popular media portrayals) get wrong about bisexuality?
- How can bisexual people better navigate relationships in the face of bisexual stigma?
- How are bisexuals viewed within the LGBTQ+ community, and how can we increase bisexual acceptance?
- How do we break the taboo around sex toys for men? For men who are new to using sex toys, where’s a good place to start?
- Is simultaneous orgasm a realistic goal during sex?
- How can you tell if someone is flirting versus just being friendly?
- Why is pegging so popular?
To learn more about Zach and his work, check out his website here, where you can subscribe to his newsletter and keep up with his latest writings.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 21: The History of Sex Toys
Ever hear that story about how Victorian-era doctors were using vibrators on female patients who had been diagnosed with “hysteria?” That used to be one of my favorite stories to tell in my human sexuality class. However, it turns out that the story isn’t true. It’s time to learn the real history of the vibrator—and sex toys more generally.
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Hallie Lieberman, a sex historian and journalist. She is the author of Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy, and she is currently working on a book on the history of gigolos. We had a fascinating, wide-ranging conversation all about the past, present, and future of sex toys. This is one episode you definitely don’t want to miss!
Here’s a sampling of what you’ll learn in this episode:
- How long have humans been using sex toys? What’s the earliest known sex toy in existence?
- Did you know that butt plugs were once marketed as a cure for asthma? (Seriously—I’m not joking!)
- What’s the real story of the history of the vibrator?
- Did you know that selling and possessing sex toys was illegal in many U.S. states until very recently—and that it’s still illegal to sell sex toys in one state? (You’ll have to listen to find out which one!)
- How do sex toys vary across cultures?
- How are sex toys going to change in the future?
- Can women really get “addicted” to their vibrators?
- Is it safe to share sex toys?
Toward the end, we also talk a little about what Hallie has learned from studying the history of gigolos.
To learn more about Hallie and her work, check out her website here, and be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, Buzz, to learn more about the “stimulating” history of sex toys.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 20: How To Level-Up Your Sex Life
For most of us, our experience with sex education centered primarily around preventing sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies, with pleasure being mentioned rarely or not at all. In other words, few of us ever learn anything meaningful about how to have good sex. We also don’t typically learn how sex might change with age, or how to deal with common sexual difficulties. Fortunately, the Sex and Psychology podcast is here to give you the sex ed that you definitely didn’t get in school!
For this episode, I interviewed journalist Michael Castleman, who has covered sex research and therapy extensively in his 46-year writing career. He has written more than 2,000 magazine and web articles, answered more than 12,000 sex questions, and published 17 books, which—together—have sold more than 2 million copies. His latest book is titled Sizzling Sex for Life. Michael is a wealth of knowledge about all things sex, and we cover a lot of ground in this episode.
Topics we explore include:
- What do people at different stages of life (young adults, middle-age adults, and seniors) need to know in order to have better sex?
- How do you start productive and healthy conversations about sex with your partner(s)? How do you tell a partner what you really want in bed?
- How can sexual enhancers and novelties—sex toys, lubricants, sexy underwear, and more—make our sex lives better?
- What do LGBTQ+ folks need to know about better sex? And what can lesbians teach all of us about great sex?
- Why do so many seniors explore kink for the first time in older age? How does BDSM help people cope with chronic illnesses?
- What is the average penis size, and does penis size really matter?
- Is it normal for people in relationships to masturbate?
- What are the most common questions and concerns people have about sex?
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 19: The Science of Kissing, and How to Be a Better Kisser
Kissing is one of the most common sexual and romantic activities, and it’s often people’s very first partnered sexual experience. Surprisingly, though, kissing is something that is rarely studied by sex researchers—and when it is, it’s often lumped in with affectionate behaviors, like cuddling and hand-holding, rather than sexual behaviors. So what do we know about kissing? For example, what is it that makes a kiss good or bad? And can science teach us how to become better kissers?
In this episode of the podcast, I did a deep dive into the science of kissing with Dr. Ashley Thompson, who is an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Minnesota Duluth. She has published more than 40 academic papers on sexual and romantic relationships spanning a wide range of topics, including infidelity, consensual non-monogamy, gender, kissing, and more.
Questions addressed in this episode include:
- How often do people in romantic relationships kiss on average?
- When do people usually have their very first kiss? And how do they tend to look back on that experience? Does it make us smile—or cringe?
- Why do we kiss? What are the primary motivations for kissing, and how do they differ across gender and personality?
- How important is kissing, and what are the potential benefits of it?
- Is the first kiss in a relationship really a make-or-break moment, as it is so often depicted in the media? How important is that first kiss, really?
- What makes a kiss good? What makes a kiss bad?
- Can you learn to become a better kisser? What does science tell us about good kissing?
To learn more about Dr. Thompson and her work, check out her website here. Also, be sure to follow her on Twitter @psycashley.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 18: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Anal Sex, But Were Afraid To Ask
As a sex educator, one of the topics I get asked about most often is anal sex. This isn’t surprising, given that this subject usually isn’t discussed at all in most people’s sex education courses—and, if it is, it’s usually just described as a very high-risk activity. Also, if you look for information online, you’ll inevitably encounter a lot of conflicting reports and it can be hard to know what to trust. So what do you really need to know? What do people tend to get wrong about anal sex, and how can you have safer and more pleasurable encounters?
For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Evan Goldstein, who is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a leading private practice specializing in an elite standard of sexual health and wellness care for the modern gay man. He is also the founder of Future Method, a sexual wellness company bringing science into anal sexual health. We had a wide-ranging discussion about all things anal, and this episode is for anyone—regardless of gender or sexuality—who has explored or is interested in exploring this activity.
Topics covered in this episode include:
- How many people are having anal sex?
- Why do so many people find anal stimulation to be pleasurable? Also, what do we know about prostate-induced orgasms?
- Does anal sex really cause long-term damage to the body?
- What’s the difference between the anal sex you see in porn compared to what it’s like in real life?
- Is it normal for anal sex to be painful?
- How can you make anal sex a safer and more pleasurable experience?
- What do people need to know about anal douching? Is it necessary? And what’s the safest way to do it?
To learn more about Dr. Goldstein and his work, check out his medical practice here. Also, be sure to check out his Future Method products, designed for science-backed sexual wellness.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 17: Polyamory Fact Versus Fiction
Interest in polyamory is on the rise. Google trends reveal that searches related to polyamory have increased significantly over the last decade. Although interest is climbing, myths and misconceptions about polyamory abound, including the idea that it’s all about sex and that people who are polyamorous “just can’t commit.” It’s time to set the record straight.
For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist and certified sexuality educator who teaches at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga. Dr. Sheff’s research focuses on gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, as well as kink and BDSM—and she is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children. In fact, her Polyamorous Family Study which spans more than 2 decades is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. She has authored multiple books on the subject, including The Polyamorists Next Door and Children in Polyamorous Families.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- What does it mean to be “polyamorous?”
- How many people are in polyamorous relationships or are practicing other forms of consensual non-monogamy?
- What are the most common things that people get wrong about polyamory?
- How do children fare in families where the parents are polyamorous? What are some of the unique advantages and challenges they might face?
- Is it really true that jealousy doesn’t exist in polyamorous relationships?
- What is “compersion,” and is it possible to experience both compersion and jealousy at the same time?
- What is it like to be an expert witness on cases dealing with sexual and relationship diversity? (This is fascinating!!)
- How do you know if polyamory or consensual non-monogamy is right for you?
To learn more about Elisabeth’s work, check out her website here. Also, be sure to check out her books, The Polyamorists Next Door and Children in Polyamorous Families, and visit The Bonding Project to take Elisabeth’s scientifically-backed test of relationship styles.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 16: What We Get Wrong About Men’s Sexual Desire
A lot of people seem to be under the impression that men’s sexuality is simple. They see men as being perpetually horny and DTF and as always wanting more sex than women. They also tend to see sex as an inherently physical experience for men, having little do with emotions or intimacy. However, it turns out that this way of thinking about men and sex is all wrong.
For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray, who holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the University of Guelph and is a Registered Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She is author of the book “Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, & Relationships.”
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- Is men’s sexuality as simple as we’ve been led to believe? Is women’s sexuality more “complex” or “complicated” than men’s?
- Do men have a higher sex drive than women?
- What factors influence libido and sexual desire in men?
- Is sex a more emotional experience for women than it is for men?
- Why do so many couples struggle with sexual initiation? What are some tips or strategies that can help when it comes to initiating sex?
- What do we know about sexual desire in gay, bisexual, and other sexual minority men? Are the sexual struggles and challenges they face similar to or different from those experienced by heterosexual men?
To learn more about Sarah’s work, check out her website here. You can also pick up a copy of her book Not Always in the Mood here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 15: The Truth About Porn
In the eyes of many, pornography is inherently problematic. In fact, some have gone as far as to dub it a “public health crisis” because they see it as addictive and as one of the root causes of sexual violence. But is porn really such a major threat to individuals and to society?
It turns out that science has a complex and nuanced story to tell about the effects of porn. It’s not inherently good or bad. It can have different effects on different people, and it’s important for us to understand when and for whom porn is potentially problematic, as well as for whom it has positive effects.
In this episode of the podcast, I explore the science of porn with Dr. Emily Rothman, a Professor of Community Health Sciences at the Boston University School of Public Health. She has authored more than 100 peer-reviewed publications and is the co-creator of a curriculum for high school students about pornography that is used by sex educators and health teachers from around the world. She also has a forthcoming book titled “Pornography and Public Health.”
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- What is the link between porn and sexual violence? And what accounts for the fact that different studies have come to wildly different conclusions?
- How does porn affect teenagers? What are the potential positive and negative effects?
- Is pornography addictive?
- What do we need to be teaching adolescents about porn? What do parents need to know? And why is “porn literacy” so important?
- What is it like to be a porn researcher? And how do you communicate effectively about the science of porn to the public?
- What do we need to do to improve porn research going forward?
To learn more about Dr. Rothman’s work, check out her university website here and watch her TED Talk on how porn changes the way that teens think about sex here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her book Pornography and Public Health!
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Episode 14: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Threesomes
Having a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies. In fact, when I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their biggest turn-ons for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that threesomes were the single most common thing people mentioned when they described their favorite fantasy of all time. However, despite the widespread appeal of this sex act, relatively few people have ever had one in real life.
But just how many people have ever had a threesome before? What were their experiences like? And what do people who are thinking about having a threeway need to know?
For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Ryan Scoats, who is often reported in the media as being the first person in the world to get a “PhD in threesomes.” He is currently a Lecturer in Sociology at Coventry University, and his latest book is titled Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- Why is there so little scientific research on threesomes, and why is this important to study in the first place?
- Why is the idea of having a threesome such a popular turn-on?
- How many people have ever had a threesome before? Are certain types of people more likely to have them than others?
- Why do women tend to report less interest in threesomes than men? Under what circumstances are women most interested in group sex?
- What are people’s experiences with threesomes actually like? And what are the most common issues that tend to come up?
- What happens after a threesome?
- What do people who are thinking about having a threesome need to know in order to increase the odds of a positive and pleasurable experience for all involved?
To learn more about Ryan’s work, check out his website here. You can also pick up a copy of his book Understanding Threesomes here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Episode 13: The Orgasm Gap, and How to Close It
In sexual encounters between men and women, research has consistently found that there’s a sizable orgasm gap, such that men tend to reach orgasm with far greater frequency than their female partners. For example, when people reflect on their sexual experience over the past month, heterosexual men report orgasming 95% of the time, compared to just 65% of the time for heterosexual women. Interestingly, however, there’s no difference in orgasm rates when comparing gay men to lesbians, suggesting that this situation is unique to situations where women are having sex with men.
So why does the orgasm gap exist in the first place? And what can we do to close it?
For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Laurie Mintz, who has studied the orgasm gap extensively. In addition to running a sex therapy practice for individuals and couples, Dr. Mintz is a professor and sexuality educator at the University of Florida. She is a prolific researcher and author, having published more than 50 academic journal articles and two books, with her latest being Becoming Cliterate.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- Where does the orgasm gap come from?
- What steps can we take to help close this gap?
- How does a lack of comprehensive sex education contribute to the orgasm gap and to some of the most common sexual problems people experience?
- How does one know when it’s time to consult a sex therapist?
- What are the biggest myths and misconceptions people have about sex?
- Is it really true that women reach their sexual “peak” later than men?
- Is it really true that sex is a more emotional experience for women but a more physical experience for men?
To learn more about Laurie’s work and books, check out her website here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 12: Sex and Disability
There are a lot of stereotypes about disabled persons, but one of the biggest is that they are necessarily asexual. However, that’s just not true. Disabled people have sexual wants and needs. They masturbate. They have sex. But almost no one talks about this. Sex and disability is a taboo topic that’s been on the margins for far too long, and we need to change that.
For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Andrew Gurza, an award winning Disability Awareness Consultant. He has spoken all over the world on sex and disability and he is the host of Disability After Dark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Disability Stories. Andrew is also developing a line of sex toys for persons with hand limitations designed to “put sexual pleasure within everyone’s reach.”
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- Why is sex and disability such a taboo topic in the first place, and why is it important for us to break that taboo? How can all of us benefit from shining a light on this subject?
- How is our healthcare system failing us when it comes to addressing the sexual health needs of disabled persons, and how do we change that?
- What are the conversations we need to be having around sex and intellectual disabilities?
- How is sex and disability viewed in other cultures? What can we learn from them?
- When and how do you disclose a disability to a potential sexual or romantic partner?
- If a potential partner discloses a disability to you, what types of questions and responses are appropriate? Which ones are inappropriate?
- How is SexTech changing the conversations we’re having about sex and disability? How is technology improving the intimate lives of disabled persons?
To learn more about Andrew’s work, check out his website here. Also, you can learn about his new line of sex toys here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 11: Sex, Power, and Social Justice
There is a common tendency to think about sex as simply a person-to-person interaction. However, this view overlooks the fact that sexual identity, attraction, and behavior are all influenced by broader social and cultural systems—and these systems can have a profound impact on the way sexuality is expressed by creating power imbalances, stigma, and shame. As a result, when we talk about sex, we can’t just talk about it as if it exists in a vacuum. We need to acknowledge the systems that shape it and talk about the ways in which justice is and isn’t being served.
I’ve been itching to explore this topic on the podcast and I couldn’t think of a better guest than sex therapist Shadeen Francis, a licensed psychotherapist, media personality, and author whose work spans the domains of sex therapy, emotional intelligence, and social justice. Shadeen is committed to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure, and her work has been featured extensively in the media.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- What does “social justice” mean in the context of sex therapy? Why is it important for us to talk about social justice when we talk about sex?
- How is our approach to training sex therapists failing us when it comes to pursuing social justice, and what can we do about this?
- What does the term “normal” really mean when it comes to sex, and why is it important for us to redefine it?
- What is “race play” and why are some people turned on by the idea of eroticizing power differentials in the first place?
- What happens when people’s personal or moral values are in conflict with their sexual turn-ons? How do we reduce shame and guilt over our sexual fantasies?
- How do our political backgrounds and leanings shape our sexual fantasies and the way we feel about them?
- How can putting social justice front and center in sex therapy help us all to lead more pleasurable and fulfilling sex lives?
To learn more about Shadeen’s work, check out her website here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Episode 10: The Psychology of Cuckolding
Cuckolding is a sexual practice in which someone is aroused by the idea of watching or listening while their partner has sex with another person—and it’s a surprisingly popular sexual interest. In the survey of 4,175 Americans’ sexual fantasies I conducted for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that 52% of heterosexual men and 66% of gay and bisexual men had fantasized about this before. In addition, 26% of heterosexual women and 42% of lesbian and bisexual women reported having had this fantasy at least once. So why is cuckolding so popular?
In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with sex therapist Dr. David Ley, who has literally written THE book on cuckolding, titled Insatiable Wives. He and I have also collaborated on a scientific study about cuckolding (co-authored with sex advice columnist Dan Savage), which was recently published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Dr. Ley is a clinical psychologist based in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where he directs a large behavioral health and substance abuse outpatient program. He is also one of the media’s go-to experts on all things sex.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- What does a typical cuckolding scenario look like?
- What’s the difference between cuckolding and “hotwifing?”
- Why are so many people drawn to cuckolding in the first place? Why do some find this idea incredibly erotic, whereas others find it to be threatening?
- Why is there a political link to cuckolding—specifically, why do conservative men seem to fantasize about the idea more than their liberal counterparts?
- What has research revealed about cuckolding in same-sex relationships?
- Why is research on cuckolding so controversial?
- What’s the future of cuckolding, especially as norms surrounding relationships and marriage continue to evolve?
To learn more about Dr. Ley’s work and writings, check out his website here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Episode 9: The Truth About Marriage
In the United States, the marriage rate is near a record low, and 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Research has also found that rates of marital satisfaction have declined over time. In short, fewer people are getting married, those who do aren’t as happy as married couples in the past, and a heck of a lot of these relationships just won’t work out. So why is that? Why are relationships so hard?
In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Roger Nygard about his recent documentary and book The Truth About Marriage, which examines how we can all make our relationships happier. Nygard is an accomplished filmmaker who has directed TV series such as “The Office” and “The Bernie Mac Show,” and he has edited Emmy-nominated episodes of “Who is America?” “VEEP,” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” For his documentary, he interviewed a number of sex and relationship researchers and therapists to get the answers, including previous podcast guests Drs. John and Julie Gottman.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- Why are relationships and marriages so difficult? Why do so many of us have trouble finding lasting long-term happiness?
- How can we improve our relationships, according to the experts?
- What is the role of sex in relationships? How important is it, really?
- How often should couples have sex?
- What is the role of humor in attraction and relationships?
In addition, we talk about the work Roger does on some of my favorite television shows!
To learn more about Roger Nygard and his documentary, check out his website here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
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Episode 8: Sex Therapy in Kinky and Polyamorous Relationships
People have a tendency to assume that those who are kinky and/or polyamorous must have sexual communication all figured out. However, just like anyone else, they face their own set of sexual and relationship problems—problems that sometimes require professional help.
In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Shamyra Howard, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker based in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and author of the book Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom. Shamyra specializes in treating clients who have sexual and relationship identities that fall outside of the mainstream, including LGBTQ+ persons, those who are into kinky or BDSM sex, and those who identify as polyamorous.
This is one of my favorite episodes I’ve recorded so far, and we cover a lot of ground, including:
- What are the main issues that prompt people with kinky/BDSM interests to seek sex therapy?
- How do you negotiate boundaries and consent in the BDSM scene?
- What is “race play” and how do people cope with anxieties around eroticizing racial dynamics?
- How do people who enjoy dominant-submissive dynamics in their sexual encounters create balance in their day-to-day relationships if they only desire those dynamics in a sexual context?
- What are the main issues the prompt people in open, polyamorous, or swinging relationship to seek sex therapy?
- How do you manage jealousy in a consensually non-monogamous relationship?
- Why is it important for people who are polyamorous to find time for themselves?
- What kind of training do sex therapists get when it comes to kink/BDSM and consensual non-monogamy?
- How does one find a therapist or professional who is kink- and/or polyamory-affirming?
To learn more about Shamyra Howard, check out her website (On the Green Couch) here or follow her on Instagram or Facebook @SexologistShamyra.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 7: Sexual Desire, and How to Increase It
One of the most common relationship problems that drives couples to therapy is a sexual desire discrepancy, where one partner wants more sex than the other. In fact, about 1 in 4 people report having experienced this in the past year alone. This can be a longstanding pattern or issue in a relationship, but it can also emerge when one partner loses desire over time. So how do you deal with this situation effectively?
In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Dr. Lyndsey Harper, an Ob/Gyn at the Texas A&M College of Medicine and founder of the new mobile app Rosy. Dr. Harper developed Rosy as a tool to help women who are dealing with low sexual desire and desire discrepancies. Low sexual desire is the single most common sexual difficulty reported by women, with about 1 in 3 women reporting it in the last year. Low sexual desire is less common among men, but still prevalent: specifically, it’s reported by about 1 in 7 men in the past year.
We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:
- What are the factors that influence sexual desire, and how are they similar or different for men and women?
- Why are desire discrepancies so common in long-term relationships?
- What is the role of medication in treating low sexual desire? Can pharmaceuticals help to fix a loss of desire?
- How can technology (including mobile apps like Rosy and telehealth services) help people deal with desire problems?
- We also talk about some of the most common myths and misconceptions people believe about sex and sexual desire.
To learn more about Dr. Harper, see here. To learn more about Rosy or to download the app, see here.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 6: Tell Me What You Want–The Science of Sexual Fantasies
What are the most common sexual fantasies in America? Where do our fantasies come from, and what do they say about us? And how can we communicate more effectively with our partners about our fantasies?
In order to answer these questions, I conducted the largest and most comprehensive study of sexual fantasies ever in the United States. I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans from all 50 states ranging in age from 18-87 and wrote a book about the nature of sexual fantasies in the U.S. today, titled Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life.
In this episode of the podcast, I describe some of the key things I learned from this research, while also telling you the story behind the book (it was a long process!). I also share how writing this book completely changed my life.
I’m excited to announce that the paperback edition of Tell Me What You Want comes out this month and is available for purchase through Amazon and your favorite booksellers. I’m offering some bonus materials to those who order the paperback edition, including an extra chapter that delves into the psychology behind some of the less common sexual fantasies, as well as some fun infographics. Learn more and claim your bonus here.
Tell Me What You Want is also available as an e-book and an audiobook (narrated by yours truly—and I talk about what the experience of narrating an audiobook was like in this week’s podcast). I’m also pleased to say that there is now an interactive exhibit based on this book showing at the Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas, so if you ever happen to find yourself out that way in the future, but sure to check it out!. For a behind-the-scenes look at the exhibit, check out my Instagram page.
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 5: SexTech, Sexting, and Dick Pics in the Time of COVID-19
Lockdowns and “social distancing” guidelines are changing our intimate lives in major ways. For example, one of the things we’re seeing in our own research is that people are increasingly turning to sextech, such as by engaging in more sexting and cybersex. In fact, many adults are reporting trying these things for the very first time.
In order to explore the various ways that people are leveraging sextech right now, I spoke to two experts in this area: Dr. Erin Watson and Tasha Falconer. In this episode of the podcast, we tackle a wide range of topics, including:
- How are people’s sex lives different in this era of social distancing, and how is sextech helping us to cope?
- If you’re new to sexting, what do you need to know to feel more comfortable and confident?
- How can sexting and sextech help us to learn more about ourselves?
- A lot of people are worried that the more sextech we incorporate in our lives, the more disconnected we’ll become from each other—but is that necessarily the case? How can sextech help to connect us at an even deeper level?
- More people are sending nudes right now, so we also talk about the psychology of dick pics: Why do so many men send them unsolicited? How is this behavior different for gay vs. straight men? And what do guys need to know if they’re thinking about sending photos of their genitals to others to ensure it’s done in a consensual and ethical way?
- How can we build better sex and dating apps?
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 4: Maintaining a Healthy Intimate Life During Lockdown and Social Distancing
These are unprecedented times. Much of the world is currently living under lockdown conditions and practicing social distancing in order to curb the spread of the COVID-19 coronavirus. So how is this affecting people’s intimate lives? How are our sex lives and relationships holding up, and is there anything we can do to more effectively navigate this complex and challenging situation?
For the answers to these questions, I spoke to Dr. Lori Brotto, a Professor at the University of British Columbia, a practicing psychologist, and author of the book Better Sex Through Mindfulness. I asked Dr. Brotto what she has been seeing in her clinical practice since the pandemic began and how it’s different from usual.
According to Brotto, some of her clients are reporting more avoidance-related reasons for sex at the moment, meaning they’re more likely to report having sex in order to avoid a negative outcome rather than doing it because it’s what they truly want. Listen to the podcast to find out why that is.
We also address the following questions:
- What are some effective coping strategies for relieving stress and anxiety in order to pave the way for a more active and fulfilling intimate life during this challenging time?
- How do you successfully navigate singlehood in the era of social distancing?
- Some people under lockdown are in abusive or unhealthy relationships. How can they stay safe and find the help they need?
- What are the potential silver linings of this situation? How can we utilize this time to explore our sexuality and develop a new intimacy with our partners?
Enjoy, and be sure to check out Dr. Brotto’s latest book Better Sex Through Mindfulness!
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 3: Why Good Sex Matters and the Neuroscience of Pleasure
In this episode of the podcast, I interview Dr. Nan Wise, a cognitive neuroscientist, certified sex therapist, and Associate Research Professor at Rutgers University. Dr. Wise just published a fantastic new book titled “Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life.”
We cover a wide range of questions and topics, including:
- What exactly is “pleasure?”
- Why are we experiencing less pleasure today than we used to?
- How can we get more pleasure in our sex lives? Is the answer different for men and women?
- Dr. Wise has conducted neuroscience research on women’s orgasms. How does one go about studying this in the lab? Is it challenging to find participants who are willing to masturbate to orgasm in an fMRI machine? (The answer might surprise you!)
- What are the key things Dr. Wise has learned from the women in her research who were willing to “donate their orgasms to science?”
Enjoy, and be sure to check out Dr. Wise’s new book Why Good Sex Matters!
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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 2: How ADHD Affects People’s Sex Lives and Relationships
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a term that most people are familiar with. But when we hear about someone having ADHD, we tend to think about children and adolescents and how this disorder affects them at home or in school because most people who are diagnosed happen to be kids and there’s a widespread belief that people eventually “outgrow” ADHD.
The reality, however, is that most kids with ADHD become adults with ADHD. Also, there are a heck of a lot of adults out there with undiagnosed ADHD. So what are the implications of ADHD in adult life, especially in people’s personal lives? Does it impact the way they approach sex and relationships?
For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Dr. Ari Tuckman in order to learn more about how ADHD affects people’s intimate lives. Tuckman is a certified sex therapist and psychologist who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD and he just published his fourth book on the subject, which explores the various ways that ADHD affects people’s sexual and romantic lives. It’s called ADHD After Dark. In this episode of the podcast, we address a wide range of questions, including:
- How does ADHD affect one’s sex life?
- How does it impact a romantic relationship when one partner has ADHD and the other does not?
- Are there gender differences in the way ADHD affects people’s relationships? What about sexual orientation differences?
- What can couples do to combat the challenges that ADHD poses? How can persons with ADHD and their partners cultivate happier and healthier relationships?
- What is the link between ADHD and infidelity?
- Are persons with ADHD well suited for polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy?
Enjoy, and be sure to check out Tuckman’s book, ADHD After Dark.
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Episode 1: Sex, Love, and Relationship Advice from Drs. John and Julie Gottman
For the first episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with two relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They are the founders of The Gottman Institute and they have been studying sex and relationships for decades. The Gottmans have published a number of influential academic papers and bestselling books, with their latest being Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
I cover a wide range of topics in my interview with the Gottmans, including:
- What is the biggest takeaway or most important thing you have learned from your research?
- What is the biggest myth or misconception about relationships?
- What is Eight Dates all about, and who is it for?
- Is believing in a “soulmate” a healthy way to approach relationships?
- The idea that sex needs to be or is “supposed’ to be romantic is very popular–but is it true?
- What can couples do to improve sexual communication in their relationships?
- Are the principles of relationship success similar for same-sex and different-sex couples?
- What do people in sexually open relationships need to know? What relationship advice would you offer them?
Enjoy, and be sure to check out the Gottmans’ new book, Eight Dates!
***
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!
Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.
Fler poddar
Podcasten Sex and Psychology Podcast är skapad av Dr. Justin Lehmiller. Podcastens innehåll och bilderna på den här sidan hämtas med hjälp av det offentliga podcastflödet (RSS).
En liten tjänst av I'm With Friends. Finns även på engelska.