Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect
06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect
08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)
14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically
16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle)
18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative
20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates
23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts
23:49 the Gottman institute
24:44 Confrontation don’ts
26:14 Confrontation dos
26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships
26:53 Bids for attention
27:59 Soft startups
29:08 Repair attempts
32:09 Lightning round recap
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
- Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)
- Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)
- Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)
- Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)
- Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999)
MY LINKS