Ep 30. But What Will People Say? Sahaj Kohli on Perfectionism, Belonging & Bicultural Identity - Unmasking Perfectionism Series

Understanding perfectionism requires examining it in complete cultural context.

In this powerful episode of Success Reimagined with Amna Shabbir, MD, I sit down with Sahaj Kohli—author of But What Will People Say? and founder of Brown Girl Therapy—to explore how perfectionism shows up uniquely for children of immigrants and those navigating bicultural identities.

We dive deep into why so many high achievers feel “never enough,” how impression management keeps us in a “glass house,” and what it takes to rewrite the narrative with self-compassion, intergenerational understanding, and permission to rest.

Episode Takeaways

By the end of this episode, you’ll learn:

• The three types of perfectionism—self-oriented, other-oriented, socially prescribed—and how they manifest in immigrant households
• Why perfectionism often feels like survival for South Asian and bicultural communities
• The concept of impression management and the “glass house” metaphor that shapes identity and pressure
• How intergenerational compassion reframes family expectations and cultural survival stories
• Why rest and play are acts of resistance—and ways to reclaim joy for yourself and your ancestors

About The Guest:

Sahaj Kohli is a therapist, writer, and speaker whose work focuses on mental health, identity, and bicultural belonging. She is the founder of Brown Girl Therapy, the first and largest mental health community for children of immigrants, and the host of the podcast So We Have Been Told. Sahaj’s debut book, But What Will People Say?, offers an honest guide for navigating family expectations, bicultural identity, and mental health with compassion and clarity.

Connect with Sahaj:
📖 Sahaj’s book: But What Will People Say? A Guide for Children of Immigrants Navigating Mental Health, Family Expectations, and Bicultural Identity
🌐 Brown Girl Therapy: https://sahajkaurkohli.com/brown-girl-therapy
🎧 Sahaj’s podcast: So We Have Been Told: https://sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast
✉️ Subscribe to Culturally Enough newsletter on Substack:  https://sahajkaurkohli.com/newsletter#newsletter 

About the Host

Dr. Amna Shabbir, MD, NBC-HWC, CPC is a Dual Board-Certified Physician, TEDx Speaker, with advanced training in Integrative Well-being, Performance, and Leadership Development. She speaks, coaches, and consults on Perfectionism, Sustainable Success, and the well-being of High Achievers.

Connect with Dr. Shabbir:

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.amnashabbir/ 

💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amna-shabbir-md/ 

🌍 Book Her to Speak: https://www.dramnashabbir.com/Speaking

❌ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or therapeutic advice. The views expressed are personal and do not reflect those of any employer or institution.

❤️ Enjoyed This Episode?
 Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.
 Share it with a colleague, peer, or friend who needs this message.