PDA in Autistic & ADHD Kids: Demand Avoidance + 5 Strategies That Help

PDA in Autistic & ADHD Kids: Demand Avoidance + 5 Strategies That Help

What if an autistic or ADHD child's "NO" isn't defiance? What if they're actually overwhelmed, anxious, or afraid?

You ask your child to put on their shoes. A teacher asks a student to open their book. A therapist suggests an activity.

And the response is an immediate "NO!"

Or maybe the child freezes, walks away, or says, "I can't."

It's easy to interpret these responses as defiance, oppositional behavior, or a child choosing not to cooperate.

But what if we're misunderstanding what's actually happening?

In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm talking about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), also called Pervasive Drive for Autonomy, and sharing five neurodiversity-affirming approaches to support autistic and ADHD children and teens who experience significant demand avoidance.

For some children, everyday requests can trigger intense anxiety and a fight, flight, or freeze response. And when adults respond with more pressure, rewards, or consequences, things can get even harder.

The goal isn't compliance. It's to understand what's happening and help children feel safe, supported, and understood.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why PDA and demand avoidance are often mistaken for defiance or oppositional behavior.
• Why traditional behavior strategies, including rewards and consequences, can sometimes backfire.
• What may be happening when a child freezes, refuses, or says, "I can't."
• How everyday demands, sensory experiences, and expectations can contribute to overwhelm.
• Why understanding a child's capacity is essential—and what happens when adults don't listen.
• Five practical approaches to reduce pressure, support autonomy, and build trust.
• What parents, teachers, and therapists can say differently to encourage collaboration instead of power struggles.

Whether you're a parent, therapist, counselor, psychologist, social worker, or educator, this episode will help you look beyond the behavior and better understand the child in front of you.

"When we change how we understand a child's behavior, we change how we respond." - Holly Blanc Moses, The Mom/Neurodivergent Therapist

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For therapists, counselors, and psychologists

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About The Autism ADHD Podcast

Hosted by Holly Blanc Moses, a neurodivergent therapist, psychologist, mom, and speaker, The Autism ADHD Podcast offers neurodiversity-affirming information and practical strategies for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens.

We explore autism, ADHD, emotional regulation, anxiety, mental health, executive functioning, sensory differences, friendships, social interaction, school support, and more.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment.