Kathy Griffin and Complimentary Happy Endings

From the smoking ruins of lesser mortals’ expectations, Kathy Griffin ascends onto the pod like a flame-crowned phoenix borne aloft on the trumpets of destiny; seizing the platform to restore honor to the misunderstood male gigolo and furnish that ancient profession with elaborate love-making scripts involving Hollywood smooching, reverent spooning, and how to turn a typical sensual massage into a resplendent one with a gratis "grand finale." Yet even this renaissance of flesh pales beside her famous culinary revelation: the sacred Cake Soup; a masterpiece in which a noble slice of cake, a sovereign pint of vanilla ice cream, and a glistening torrent of caramel sauce are surrendered to the merciless paddles of a stand mixer until dessert itself renounces solid form and emerges as a silken sacrament fit for queens, emperors, and the gastronomically blessed. And so, Kathy rises higher still, transcending mere celebrity to become something mythic, indestructible, and magnificently resurrected; her name blazing anew across the firmament of American fame as Trixie bears witness from the opposite microphone like a bald oracle chronicling the dawn of a second Golden Age of Griffin.

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