The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped
4. "I want all of these broken pieces to be part of me." With Jessica Eve
Jessica’s dark night began a few years after she became immersed in the teachings of self-negating nonduality as a way to silence her ruminating mind and disappear her intense emotional suffering. Initially, she experienced the dissolution of her sense of self described by the Neo Advaita gurus, and felt that she’d found the magic wand that would erase her, leaving only boundlessness. Gradually, however, she became increasingly and disturbingly dissociated and unable to relate. Terrified that she might have irretrievably damaged her fundamental human capacities, she embarked on the slow and painful task of reclaiming the parts that had previously been excluded, including her sense of humour and vivacity, and eventually came back to wholeness.
Amongst other things, we talk about what drew us to the no self teachings, and why they are like a nectar laced with poison; how devastating it is to realise that we’ve chosen spiritual teachings which replicate earlier abuse; and how important it is to begin to include all the parts we’ve previously tried to transcend, destroy, or get rid of. We also talk about coming back to life when we’ve been half dead, being angry with spiritual teachers, and the beauty of both/and.
Jessica Eve is raising awareness about the dangers of self-negating spirituality like Neo-Advaita, supporting folks healing from harmful effects, and inspiring humanistic, life-affirming alternatives. Explore her blog, YouTube channel and more! If you'd like to join her online peer support group, Collective Soul Revival, please fill out this form.
Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops and a reflective space for therapists and counsellors.
Mentions
Fiona quotes some lines from the poem, When You Wish It Were Not So, from her poetry collection, Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. (Available in paperback and ebook from the usual online outlets).
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You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com
Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit