8. "I wanted to be as real as real could be." With Li Meuser

Li’s first dark night began when a relationship suddenly ended, and they found themself beset by heartbreak, their survival strategies stripped. Some time later, an abusive intimate relationship took Li even deeper in, splitting them open in what they describe as “a total unravelling of the wounded me.” They started to feel all the fear – and other emotions – that they’d been masking, denying, avoiding, and hiding. Slowly, Li began to feel the excruciating pain of aloneness and separation – which was, eventually, freeing – and gradually came into a remembering of interconnectedness.

In this episode, we talk about false spiritual narratives and the shame of feeling fear; wanting to die while simultaneously waking up from our wounds; moments of gratitude for the mundane; and craving realness. We also touch into our creatureness; moving beyond the colonial mindset of right or wrong into a place of kindness and tenderness; discovering the kind of wisdom that comes from falling apart; and the phase of not being able to see the light at the end of the dark. And we laugh about how much crying we did during our dark nights, and how Li could track their emotional state by the size of their water bill.

Li Meuser is a full-time student of being fully human, and is deeply passionate about connecting and interrelating. As a somatic therapist, integrative primary prevention trainer, and creative writing facilitator, Li utilizes transformational and wisdom-based practices in supporting people with their somatic intelligence/energies. In learning how to embody our creativity, we are able to consciously choose to discover, move into and remember the realms of interdependency and liberation for all. Li has an extensive collection of science-based recordings to regulate the brain and nervous system on the Insight Timer app.

Connect with Li

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering, and occasional workshops and a reflective space for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

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You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit