1309: Paul Eastwick | Science Says You're More Attractive Than You Know

The dating industry profits by exploiting your insecurities. Bonded by Evolution author Paul Eastwick brings science to prove that even you can land love!

Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1309

What We Discuss with Paul Eastwick:

• The concept of "mate value" — the idea that everyone is a fixed number on a scale of attractiveness — is largely unsupported by science. Studies show people only agree about who's attractive roughly 65% of the time, meaning a full third of the equation is purely subjective. Your "score" depends heavily on who's doing the scoring.
• Dating apps force people into artificial filtering habits — like screening for height or income — not because those traits genuinely matter in face-to-face attraction, but because users are drowning in options and need some way to narrow the pile. In speed-dating studies, traits like height barely register as factors when people are actually interacting in person.
• Your romantic partner likely sees you through a generous — and scientifically real — perceptual lens. Partners in happy relationships tend to rate each other as more attractive than outsiders would, and they instinctively "derogate alternatives," meaning they perceive potential rivals as less appealing. These biases aren't delusion — they're relationship glue.
• The "evo script" — a set of ideas spun out of 1990s evolutionary psychology — overstates gender differences in attraction. Research shows that when men actually meet ambitious women face-to-face, they find them more attractive, not less. The gendered "money-for-looks" tradeoff doesn't hold up either — women trade resources for attractiveness just as often as men do.
• Compatibility isn't something you discover on a profile — it's something you build in person. Give potential partners at least three dates in three different contexts, use fewer filters, and treat early dating less like an evaluation and more like a collaboration. The science says the best relationships often grow from repeated, low-pressure, real-world interactions — so get offline, get curious, and give people a real chance.
• And much more...

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