Come Closer, Go Away: Attachment and Self-Protection After Sexual Betrayal with Michael & Kristin Cary- Part 1

You want him close. Then you can't stand to have him near you. You want to fix it. You reach for her — and she disappears. Same day. Sometimes the same hour. That's not confusion or immaturity. It's two nervous systems trying to find safety in a marriage that no longer feels safe — and it's one of the most common, least talked-about dynamics after sexual betrayal. Betrayal doesn't just wound the relationship. It activates attachment patterns and self-protection that trace back long before the marriage began — in both of you. In this episode, we share our personal experience and professional insight into:

• Why a betrayed partner can want closeness one moment and need distance the next — and why that isn't inconsistency, it's a nervous system doing exactly what nervous systems do
• What happens inside the betrayer when his spouse pulls away — and why the instinct to push harder or shut down entirely can make things worse
• How childhood wounds and old self-protective patterns shape both partners' reactions to conflict and distance
• The difference between coming to your spouse with a genuine, vulnerable need and coming with a demand — and how to tell which one you're doing
• Why forcing closeness after betrayal can make a betrayed partner feel less safe, not more

This conversation is for both of you — the betrayed partner still learning the language of her own attachment, and the betraying partner working to understand what his self-protection is trying to do and why it keeps getting in the way.   Learn more about our programs: https://living-truth.org   The Living Truth Podcast: Conversations that shed light on the deeper issues that unlock healing from porn addiction, sex addiction, and sexual betrayal.

 

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