What is it... that I should say? …That would feed your soul? …That you need to hear… that would bring you life? What is Life?
I had a friend that used to ask, “How long have you lived?” And when you answered him, he’d say, “No — how long have you really lived?” He’d then describe these eternal moments in which he lost himself and found himself, living his life truly present in the moment. And so, you’d have to change your answer from 63 (or however many) years to maybe a few days, hours, or minutes . . . and yet those minutes were eternal. We don’t easily forget them.
Skiing moguls in high school, I think I had a few of those moments. It wasn’t safe, usually painful, and I could only do it if I was thoroughly present in the NOW. I think that’s why I would experience such joy! But it doesn’t have to be what we would normally call “happiness.”
One night, years ago, my father fell down the stairs. I remember leaning over him as he writhed in absolute agony. I just screamed out “God, help him!” — and instantly, he was OK. I think it was a miracle, and maybe I was a miracle, because for a moment I lost myself and found myself in my dad, my Abba, my Father. I fully lived that moment.
I’ve had those moments celebrating communion in the sacrament of the covenant in the sanctuary of my marriage. I’ve lost myself and found myself in my bride. And yet, if I try to hang on to those moments, they die; she dies, and I die. That must be what it is to turn something into an idol . . . I suppose the Life doesn’t die, but I do have to lose it in order to find it, even in the moment.
I think I had an eternal moment last week holding my new and only grandson for the first time. I thought, “You’re perfect.”
John 6 begins with a question: “What is it... with which we will feed all these people.” Jesus multiplies fish and loaves. The crowd tries to make Him king, but He runs away. That night, He walks on the sea and says, “I Am. Fear not” — which raises another question: “What is Reality?” When the crowd finds Him on the other side of the sea they say, “What sign do you do that we may see and trust you? What work do you perform? (What is it?) Our Fathers ate manna in the wilderness.”
“Manna” is a Hebrew word that literally means “What is it?” All they know is:
1. They don’t know what it is, but they are to eat it.
2. They can’t keep it as a commodity; it melts or turns to worms.
3. It’s everywhere but only in the “Now.”
4. It was never too little but always just enough; they can’t work for it, but it did work them.
5. It became the life they lived; it was their life.
6. It was holy. No one could keep it, but all could keep it if the High Priest placed it in the Holy Place in the depths of the Temple.
7. It was personal.
When the Jews grumbled about the manna, God seemed to take it very personally. Moses reveals that God did all this that they would know that “man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” That Word is like Manna.
John 6:33, Jesus, the Word of God, says to them, “the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world (cosmos).”
What we know about Life (“real life”) is basically the same stuff that we know about manna... plus maybe one other thing. Ask a biologist — Life is a judgment, actually a communion of judgment. In a living body, every member freely sacrifices itself for every other member. If a body is dead, it’s just dust, for it is absent this judgment, this choice, this decision, this Spirit.
Your eternal spirit moves your temporal dust. And God, who is Spirit, moves all dust, which would imply that the entire cosmos is alive. Can you think of anything that doesn’t move according to the Word of God? Genesis 3: That would be us. We’re each like a bit of “I Am” trapped in some “I Am NOT,” like manna kept in one’s own earthen vessel, like a life refusing to be lived — a life refusing to join the Great Dance that is the Kingdom of God and Living Temple made of living stones.
John 6:35, Jesus says “I am the bread of life.”
Jesus did die for you, but if He only died, “your faith is futile and you’re still in your sins” (1 Cor. 15:17). You’re NOT saved from sin (which is a lack of faith) by the death of Jesus; you’re saved from sin by the life of Jesus (which is His faith, His decision, His judgment, Himself, given to you). He did this on a tree in a garden from “the foundation of the cosmos” (Rev. 13:8).
We can take knowledge of God, who is the Good, like a scientist knows a thing, or a man rapes a woman, or the pharisees tried to know Jesus. But when we do, we crucify the Life — that’s our decision. But when we surrender to the Life, we are known by the Good, who is the Life, and we bear the fruit of Life — that’s God’s decision . . . and even given to us.
Few people have seen the picture. In almost every sermon, I share a painting from the 15th century depicting Jesus on a tree with all of humanity at its base. They’re looking up, and I think they’re asking, “What is it?” “What is the Good?” “What is the Life?”
The tree was there in the beginning, in Eden on the Holy Mountain. It’s revealed in the middle upon Calvary, and we will all eat from it in the End in the “New Jerusalem coming down.”
I’m convinced that Peter, Paul, Stephen, and John all saw the picture. I think some early church fathers (Ephraim the Syrian, Irenaeus) saw the picture. Down through the ages, some Jewish rabbis saw the picture: The Tree of Knowledge and Tree of Life seem to be in the same spot, and even the same tree. But what is the fruit that’s hanging on the tree: Torah, Wisdom, Living Law? What is it?
John 6:37-41, Jesus says, “’All that the Father gives me (John 3:35: That’s “all things!”) will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out... For this is the will of the Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up in the last day.’ So, the Jews grumbled about him...”
Look at the tree. What is it? If it’s a “what,” it’s dead, for you just killed it.
But look again: It’s a “who.” Who is it that’s hanging on the tree, Adam?
It is I Am. It is Reality, The Free Will of God, The Judgment of God, The Word of God, The Bread of Heaven, The Fruit containing the Seed, The Good, The Life, The Resurrection and the Life — actually, your life . . . Adam. So, is your life the sum-total of all your decisions?
If you think that you created those decisions, if you’re proud of your good decisions, then you just crucified the life and imprisoned a bit of I Am in an I-am-not; you just exalted yourself above God, the Creator of all that IS. And so, you have imprisoned yourself in a Lie. You’re dead.
But, if you’re grateful for your decisions, then you believe that every good decision has made you. Which means that Faith, Hope, Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, and the Good are rising from the dead within you and teaching you to dance. You are the free will of God. You are alive.
Emma was a Jew and a Holocaust survivor. Every day at 4 p.m., she would stand outside a Manhattan church and scream insults at Jesus. She knew about Him, and so she judged Him, condemned Him, and became something of a walking endless grumble...
One day the pastor, Bishop C. Kilmer Myers, went outside and said to Emma, “Why don’t you go inside and tell Him, yourself?” And so, she did. She disappeared into the Sanctuary. An hour went by, and so, a little worried, the bishop decided to look in on her. He found her lying prostrate before the crucifix in the middle of the Sanctuary, absolutely still. He bent down and touched her shoulder. She looked up with tears in her eyes and said quietly, “After all, He was a Jew, too.” He had been, and always would be, living His life with her, and He wanted her to live her life with Him.
If you think that life is a “what” — a thing that you can know all about and so control and even use to make yourself in the image of God — you will grumble and grumble until you finally die. But if you believe that life is a “who” — that is a person that has come to know you — you will begin to worship, and you will become who it is that you actually are; you will begin to live your eternal life now, for your eternal life will be living in and through you — His Body.
Last year, I was grumbling to Susan about God, saying, “I just don’t have what it takes; I can’t live the life; I can’t collect enough of whatever it is.” She came into my office and said, “I just had a vision: Jesus handed you a box and said, ‘This is it!’” Which made me wonder “What is it?” Then she said, “You opened it, looked inside, and found a piece of paper. It said: ‘I am . . . enough.’”
My grandson, James, came early, and we were worried about complications. But when I held him in my arms last week, I had an eternal moment; I just thought, “You’re perfect.” So, recently, I’ve been calling him “Saint James.” And Susan (of all people) said, “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t do that; that’s a lot of pressure to put on a little boy.” But I think I’ll do it anyway, and when he asks me one day, I’ll tell him, “’Saint James’ is not who you should be; it’s who you ‘Am’; I call you ‘St. James’ because I want you to always remember: ‘Saint James is who it is that I actually am... AND I Am enough.’”