44. Still Having Sex, But Completely Checked Out? What to Do When Wives Go Numb

Mary and Katieann discuss the tension between what couples believe biblically about marriage and intimacy and what they actually experience, noting how gradual drifts, busyness, unresolved conflict, unforgiveness, major sin, and hope deferred can lead to shutdown and disconnection.

They warn that “going through the motions” sexually—participating with the body while emotionally absent—can be re-traumatizing, and describe numbness and dissociation (especially when past abuse is unhealed) as signs of survival that reduce joy and hope.

They emphasize that “good” sex is not measured by pleasure, frequency, variety, or intensity, but by oneness, trust, respect, curiosity, and growth. They offer five steps toward healing and freedom: recognize, release lies, repent for partnering with lies, receive restoration, and pursue ongoing realignment with God, encouraging listeners to seek outside support.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 When Sex Re-Traumatizes

00:53 Summer Trips And Expectations

02:10 Faith Versus Lived Reality

04:31 Why Couples Drift Apart

06:11 Hope Deferred And Shutdown

07:31 Going Through The Motions

09:14 Numbness And Dissociation

12:11 Redefining What Good Sex Is

14:25 Five R Steps To Healing

14:59 Recognize Release Repent

19:21 Restoration And Realignment

22:19 Get Support And Closing

TAKEAWAYS:

• Notice when “peace” in your marriage is actually the result of giving up.
• Understand how emotional connection affects your ability to experience sexual intimacy.
• Identify past wounds and experiences that may still be shaping your intimate life.
• Challenge the belief that your current experience is all intimacy can ever be.
• Seek safe support when pain or past experiences feel too difficult to navigate alone.

RESOURCES:

For more support in your marriage, contact Katieann and Mary. 

Check out The Permission Room for a shame-free place for Christian wives to untangle the messages about sex and intimacy.

 

DISCLAIMER:

This podcast is designed for informational purposes only. Any and all actions or consequences from the podcast are the sole responsibility of the podcast audience participant. Information should not be seen as medical or mental health advice, and is not meant to take the place of seeing licensed health professionals.

Special thanks to Suzanna Storey of Saphron Music for “Shape Shifter”, on her album, Identity Crisis.