#11: Why Most Habit Change Fails (And How to Get Good at Feeling Bad) | Ryan Soave

Sobriety isn't just "not drinking"—it's learning how to live without needing relief on demand. In this episode, Michael Easter sits down with therapist Ryan Soave (18+ years sober) for a sweeping conversation on why addiction often acts like a solution to deeper pain, how fear and shame quietly run the show, and what it takes to break the compulsion loop for good.

They dig into habit change that actually sticks, how to rebuild identity and community, and practical ways to regulate your nervous system so you don't have to numb yourself.

Ryan Soave is a licensed mental health counselor, transformational coach, and person in long-term recovery. He has spent nearly twenty years and over ten thousand clinical hours working with people navigating trauma, addiction, and the survival patterns that quietly run their lives. His approach brings together modern neuroscience, body-based therapies, and ancient wisdom traditions, all built around one idea: most of us confuse discomfort with threat and spend our lives reacting to things that aren't actually dangerous. Learning to feel bad is the first real step toward living well. Ryan has sat on both sides of the therapeutic relationship, which shapes everything about how he works.

To go deeper with Ryan or learn more about his work:

Website: ryansoave.com

Free course: Sign up for "How to Feel Bad (and Love Your Life)" at ryansoave.com

Book a one-on-one consultation: ryansoave.com

Instagram: @Ryan.Soave

YouTube: @rjsoave

Two Percent is hosted by Michael Easter. Today’s episode was produced by Joey Fischground, Robbie Hiser, Dana Brawer and Julia Nutter. From Kaleidoscope, our executive producers are Mangesh Hattikudur and Kate Osborn and Julia Nutter. From iHeart, our executive producers are Katrina Norvell and Nikki Ettore. Our Head of Video is Maria Paz Mendez Hodes. This episode was edited by Ryan Mulhern. Our theme music is by the Heater Manager.

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Chapters:

00:00:00 Cold open

00:02:11 Sober at Phish / fun without substances

00:03:47 Relearning fun + giving up one thing for everything

00:06:04 The order water moment (social anxiety + self-obsession)

00:07:22 Sober wedding story + being a model for others

00:11:00 Walk us up to your sobriety + early roots

00:20:24 Addiction is not the problem, it's the solution

00:25:33 What people do when they decide to get sober

00:33:04 Defining addiction + signs it's out of control

00:36:55 Fear, shame, and emotion-driven behaviors

00:39:39 Fixed beliefs and the Michael Jordan analogy

00:49:56 Where Ryan starts with a new client

00:52:18 Nervous system regulation + the space between stimulus and response

01:03:09 When healthy behaviors become compulsion (exercise / triathlon)

01:14:17 Process addictions (food, sex, money, gambling)

01:23:33 Michael Singer / falling in love as distraction

01:26:55 Social media, Pascal, and the Yoga Sutras

01:39:22 Good at feeling bad + how antidepressants get prescribed

01:44:04 Addiction redirected as a superpower

01:46:30 Purpose vs. what you do

01:48:23 Community, 9/11, Tribe, and the bar

01:55:27 Power greater than yourself

01:59:38 Final two questions (30-day stop test + dream live show)

02:04:13 Michael's outro

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