#24: Why Our Brains Lie About How Bad Things Are (and How to Stop It) | Cara Lai & Roy Baumeister

If you turn on the news right now, you'll be hit with a sea of negativity, and it can convince you the world is falling apart. It isn't. Host Michael Easter sits down with two guests to explain why our minds are literally built to outweigh the bad, and how you can bias yourself back toward the positive.

First, meditation teacher Cara Lai offers a tip to instantly disarm anxiety: ask yourself "what if what's happening right now is exactly what's supposed to be happening?" She also shares what a year alone in the woods battling Lyme disease taught her about suffering. Then Roy Baumeister, one of the most cited psychologists alive and author of the landmark paper "Bad Is Stronger Than Good." joins to discuss the negativity bias. Why does one critique drown out a sea of compliments? Why do bad days carry over while good days don't? He explains the 5-to-1 ratio of positive experiences to negative experiences that predicts whether a relationship lasts, plus the evolutionary reason we're wired this way. And finally, the Boston Marathon study that will change how you watch the news for good.

Two Percent is hosted by Michael Easter. Today’s episode was produced by Joey Fischground, Robbie Hiser, Dana Brawer and Julia Nutter. From Kaleidoscope, our executive producers are Mangesh Hattikudur and Kate Osborn and Julia Nutter. From iHeart, our executive producers are Katrina Norvell and Nikki Ettore. Our Head of Video is Maria Paz Mendez Hodes. This episode was edited by Will Mayo. Our theme music is by the Heater Manager.

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Chapters:

00:00 — Cold open

00:47 — Why your mind is built to focus on the negative

02:55 — Kara Lai: "What if this is exactly what's supposed to happen?"

08:19 — The bubonic plague & the limits of our perspective

10:40 — Why letting go of control gives you real agency

13:38 — Catastrophizing the small stuff (the supermarket meltdown)

18:34 — "The worst thing that ever happened became the best"

20:28 — A year alone in the woods: Lyme disease & surrender

27:10 — Why the hardest moments are the most transformative

33:53 — What's really underneath your anger

37:37 — From an Adult Swim cartoon to meditation

42:05 — Barefoot running, polar plunges & "healthy addictions"

51:06 — How to actually start meditating

54:08 — Roy Baumeister: "Bad Is Stronger Than Good"

56:56 — Loss aversion & why one bad trait sinks an impression

59:25 — Why bad days carry over and good days don't

1:00:34 — Only 6% think the world is improving

1:01:07 — "If it bleeds, it leads"

1:02:30 — How one bad thing ruins a perfect night

1:03:34 — The Gottman 5-to-1 ratio

1:05:22 — Why one criticism drowns a sea of compliments

1:06:28 — "Don't read the comments"

1:09:28 — Why we evolved this way: "Life has to win every day"

1:12:15 — Las Vegas, gambling & losses disguised as wins

1:15:46 — What to do when life feels relentlessly bad

1:18:14 — The Boston Marathon study that changes everything

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