DEEP DIVE: How to Yell Less

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have.

In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:

• Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed
• Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective
• Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• ⁠Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg⁠
• ⁠Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn⁠
• Lisa Belkin for NYT: ⁠Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?⁠
• Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: ⁠Talking to Your Kids After You Yell⁠
• Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: ⁠Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms⁠
• Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: ⁠The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids⁠
• Stephen Marche for NYT: ⁠Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids⁠

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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

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