When You Stop Choosing Yourself: How Self-Abandonment Turns into Resentment
What if the key to thriving isn’t in pushing harder, but in understanding the ways your nervous system brilliantly learned to protect you? In this episode, we will explore how self-abandonment is an adaptive response many of us found, often in early childhood, to maintain safety, belonging, or connection. Sarah unpacks why this pattern, while protective, can also lead to resentment in our relationships, work, and sense of self.
Through the lens of the nervous system and attachment, she shares how chronic giving without receiving can disrupt our internal balance and impact our emotional, physical, and relational well-being. Drawing parallels from nature's rhythm of give-and-receive, Sarah reminds us that honoring our needs isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. When we stop abandoning ourselves, we start making space for deeper connection, creativity, and vitality.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Intro
00:15 What Is Self-Abandonment?
03:34 Receiving Is a Natural Part of a Child’s Development
06:10 Having Needs is Not a Weakness
07:58 How Self-Abandonment Shows Up in Our Adult Life
13:15 Long-Term Effects of Self-Abandonment
15:37 The “As If” Tool
17:24 Identify and Connect with Your Resentment
21:02 Communicate Your Needs in a Tolerable Way
23:20 How to Stop Abandoning Yourself
24:48 Question #1 - Rescuing Others Isn't Your Job
28:31 Question #2 - Self-Care and Nourishing Yourself
32:01 Question #3 - Getting to Know Your Doer Part
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Want more science-backed tools? Take her free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck?” to learn more about your nervous system specific to you. You’ll get a downloadable worksheet and personalized guide to help you feel better in your body and life.
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