IFS "Parts Work” in Parenting: Why It Helps With Triggers

Do you ever feel like your child makes you become a person you vowed you would never be? Have you noticed that you act like a version of yourself you don’t recognize in regular life? This is because we have parts - internal parts that get triggered by your kids and by feeling helpless as a parent. We go into parts of ourselves from childhood that rear up from our past and cause us emotional responses we often don’t understand. It can be very overwhelming and daunting.

In this episode, Rythea and Cara, both therapists and parents, explore how the Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work model can be applied to parenting. They discuss practical ways to navigate resistance and anger—both in ourselves as parents and in our children when they are triggered.

Cara shares her personal challenges with being woken up at night by her child, offering an honest look at how difficult moments can bring up our own parts that need care and validation. Together, they unpack the importance of processing emotions through validation rather than bypassing or suppressing them.

The conversation highlights the ongoing work of non-coercive, collaborative parenting: letting go of control, leaning into connection, and leading with validation, empathy, and trust. If you’re looking for ways to show up for your child while navigating your inner world, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

1. IFS in Parenting: Using parts work to understand your triggers as a parent can help you show up more calmly and effectively for your child.
2. Working with Resistance: Recognize and validate the protective parts in you and your child rather than reacting with frustration or coercion.
3. The Power of Validation: Processing emotions often requires the simple but profound act of acknowledging and validating feelings—both your own and your child’s.
4. Collaborative Parenting Principles: Letting go, leaning in, and leading with connection and empathy fosters trust and growth in the parent-child relationship.--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuckBook with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapyBook with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession