252: From ‘Be the Best’ Anxiety to Trusting Your Child’s Natural Learning

When Sara's four-year-old son started asking permission to use art supplies he'd always freely accessed before, she knew something had shifted. After a year in a (loving, high-quality!) preschool, her previously autonomous child was suddenly seeking approval for things that had never required it. Sara had never required this at home, and in fact it worried her because it didn't fit with her values to treat her son as a whole person.   If this shift was happening so obviously at home, what other changes might be occurring that she couldn't see yet - changes that might not align with what mattered most to her family?   Sara wished she could homeschool, but knew it wasn't in the cards. Seeing the shift in her son showed her that once her son started formal school, she was going to be the one who helped him to stay connected to learning that wasn't just based on rote memorization.   But how would she do this, when she wasn't a teacher?   In this conversation, Sara shares how she learned to step back from teaching and instead scaffold her son's innate curiosity about everything from astronauts to construction vehicles. As an architect and immigrant parent navigating cultural pressures around achievement, Sara's story reveals how supporting your child's interests rather than directing their learning can transform both your relationship and their confidence as a learner.   Whether you're working full-time, in school, homeschooling, or simply wondering how to nurture your child's curiosity without taking over, Sara's practical examples show that interest-based learning doesn't have to add a lot of work to busy family life. It becomes an organic part of how you connect and explore the world together.  

Questions this episode will answer

• What does interest-based learning look like in real family life?
• How can parents support learning without taking over their child's exploration?
• What is scaffolding in education and how do you do it effectively?
• How do you identify and follow your child's genuine interests?
• What are learning explorations and how do they differ from traditional teaching?
• How can working parents implement interest-led learning with limited time?
• What role should documentation play in supporting children's learning?
• How do you overcome perfectionism when supporting your child's education?
• What does "following the child" mean in practice?
• How can parents build their child's creative problem-solving skills?

 

What you'll learn in this episode

You'll discover practical strategies for supporting your child's innate curiosity without turning into the teacher. Sara shares specific examples of learning explorations around space and construction vehicles that show how to scaffold learning by asking questions instead of providing answers.   You'll learn to recognize when your child is truly engaged versus when you've taken over their exploration. The episode reveals how small shifts in language - things like pausing and saying: "Hmmm…I wonder?" instead of immediately explaining - can transform everyday moments into meaningful learning opportunities.   This simple shift transitions the responsibility for learning from you back to your child, and invites them to consider how their current question fits with what they already know.   It also establishes a habit of what we do when we have questions: we don't simply jump to Google or ChatGPT; we first work to understand whether we might actually already have the answer (or something close to it) ourselves. This protects our kids against the stupidification that research warns us is happening now that we can turn to AI to answer our every question.   Sara's journey from perfectionist parent (her parents' motto when she was a child: "Be The Best!") to confident learning supporter demonstrates how to observe your child's interests, provide just enough support without overwhelming them, and trust their inherent learning process. You'll understand why creative problem-solving and metacognition matter more than traditional academics for young children.   The conversation addresses common concerns about balancing alternative learning approaches with mainstream schooling, handling cultural pressures around achievement, and fitting interest-led learning into busy working parent schedules.  

FAQ

What is interest-based learning and how is it different from traditional teaching? Interest-based learning starts with your child's genuine curiosity rather than a predetermined curriculum. Instead of teaching facts, you support your child's exploration by asking questions, providing resources, and creating opportunities for discovery. Sara's space exploration example shows how this leads to deeper engagement than traditional instruction.   How do you scaffold children's learning without taking over? Scaffolding means providing just enough support for your child to succeed independently. This includes asking "I wonder" questions, offering resources like books or field trips, and connecting them with experts, but always following their interest level. The key is stepping back when they're engaged and only stepping in when they need specific information to continue.   What does "following the child" mean in practice? “Following the child” means observing what genuinely interests them through their play and questions, then providing opportunities to explore those interests more deeply. It's recognizing your child as a complete person with their own drive to learn, rather than someone who needs constant direction from adults.   What are learning explorations and how do you start them? Learning explorations begin with your child's question or interest. Your role is to avoid giving immediate answers and instead ask follow-up questions or suggest ways to investigate together. The goal is the process of discovery, not reaching a specific conclusion or "correct" answer.   How can working parents implement interest-led learning? Interest-led learning happens naturally in daily life during car rides, grocery shopping, or weekend activities. Once you understand your supportive role, it becomes effortless rather than an additional task. The key is shifting from teaching mode to curious companion mode in everyday interactions.   Why is creative problem-solving more important than traditional academics? Creative problem-solving and metacognition (thinking about thinking) are foundational skills that support all other learning. When children develop these abilities through interest-led exploration, they become confident learners who can tackle any subject with curiosity and persistence.  Most of what is taught in school is content, which is now easily accessible at the push of a button.   How do you overcome perfectionism when supporting your child's learning? Begin by noticing where perfectionism came from in you: most likely in response to a reward (praise when you complied) or punishment (threatened or actual withdrawal of approval/love) for performance.  Recognize that your child's learning process is naturally iterative. They observe patterns, theorize, and correct themselves over time. Trust their innate drive to understand the world. Focus on the exploration process rather than achieving perfect outcomes or answers.   What is the main purpose of documentation in learning? Documentation captures your child's learning journey so they can revisit and build upon their discoveries over time. It also helps you to feel more confident as a learning partner, because you’ll see how your own ability to support your child grows over time.  It's not about perfect record-keeping but creating a resource for your child to see their own thinking and growth patterns.   How do you balance alternative learning with mainstream school expectations? You can support interest-led learning at home while your child attends traditional school. Focus on afternoons, evenings, and weekends as opportunities to follow their curiosity.  It doesn’t have to take additional time: Sara’s son often uses the time in the car on their way to school to notice what’s happening in their town and make hypotheses about what’s happening. This approach helps build a more well-rounded approach to learning than the content-heavy focus children will follow in school.   What if I don't know anything about my child's area of interest? Not knowing about the topic is actually an advantage because it removes the temptation to teach! You become a fellow explorer, helping them find resources and asking genuine questions. This creates a more engaging dynamic than having an ‘expert’ parent lecture about the subject.  

Ready to Support Your Child's Learning Like Sara?

Sara's transformation from perfectionist parent to confident learning supporter didn't happen overnight. But it started with understanding how learning really works and her role in supporting it.   If you're inspired by Sara's journey and want to develop the same confidence in supporting your child's natural curiosity, the Learning Membership gives you everything you need to get started.   Inside the membership, you'll learn to:

• Identify your child's genuine interests (not just the random ones they announce when you ask: “What do you want to learn about?”);
• Scaffold their learning by asking the right questions instead of providing answers;
• Turn everyday moments into meaningful learning explorations;
• Document your child's discoveries without the overwhelm;
• Build their creative problem-solving and critical thinking skills;
• Support their learning even when they're in traditional school.

Sara found her compass for navigating cultural pressures and perfectionism through the membership's monthly coaching calls and supportive community. You'll get access to the same guidance, plus step-by-step modules that walk you through your first learning exploration.   The best part? You don't need any special expertise. This approach actually works better when you explore alongside your child as a curious companion rather than trying to be their teacher.   Ready to shift from teaching to exploring? The Learning Membership is reopening for enrollment this week! Sign up for the waitlist, and we'll let you know when doors reopen.   Click the banner to learn more.     Jump to highlights 02:04 Introduction of today’s episode 05:03 Sara experienced the pain of conditional worth, where love and acceptance seemed tied to being "the best," which created anxiety when that impossible standard couldn't be met, and now she wants to support Som by following his interests instead of imposing external measures of success 13:40 How has ‘perfectionism’ affected both Sara and her parenting approach with her son, Som? 19:10 Definition of learning exploration from Sara’s perspective 24:29 How was Sara before being a member of the Learning Membership? 28:10 Through the membership, we learn about how learning happens and how a child observes patterns, theorizes, and extrapolates based on those patterns, and applies what he's observed before to new things that he sees out in the world 40:10 Our kids have capabilities if we can learn to see them right and if we can learn to be that person who provides just a little bit of support 49:10 What piece of advice would Sara give to Sara a year ago?