064: Compassion (and how to help your child develop it)

“Social and Emotional Learning” is all the rage in school these days, along with claims that it can help children to manage their emotions, make responsible decisions, as well as improve academic outcomes.   But what if those programs don’t go nearly far enough?   What if we could support our child in developing a sense of compassion that acts as a moral compass to not only display compassion toward others, but also to pursue those things in life that have been demonstrated – through research – to make us happy?  And what if we could do that by supporting them in reading cues they already feel in their own bodies, and that we ordinarily train out of them at a young age?   Dr. Brendan Ozawa-de Silva, Associate Director for the Emory University’s Center for Contemplative Science and Compassion-Based Ethics, tells us about his work to bring secular ethics, which he calls the cultivation of basic human values, into education and society.   Learn more about Breandan’s work here: www.compassion.emory.edu https://www.facebook.com/emoryseelearning/   We also mentioned the Yale University course The Psychology of Wellbeing, which is available on Coursera here.   Jump to highlights 01:42 Introduction to Dr. Brendan Ozawa-de Silva of Emory's Center for Contemplative Science and Compassion-Based Ethics 01:51 Defining "secular ethics" and how it connects to social and emotional learning 08:22 Why adults not having all the answers can still be a productive, courageous space to open up 10:21 A four-year-old's spontaneous conversation about compassion, and why this starts before school age 14:53 Free resources at compassion.emory.edu, and starting with "what is kindness?" 17:21 How reciprocity develops over childhood, from tit-for-tat to a broader, farsighted sense of responsibility 21:37 The state of SEL research: why inconsistent results don't necessarily mean the approach doesn't work 27:43 Weighing structured programs against unstructured outdoor play as another path to these same skills 32:54 Connecting sensation-awareness to past episodes on risky play and modeling emotional regulation 35:09 The marshmallow study and impulse control as an example of why regulating emotion matters 36:11 The "spark and forest fire" analogy for catching emotions early, before they escalate 40:47 Teaching kids metacognition: practicing the skill of just watching their own mind 42:42 Mediating disputes between siblings: body awareness, mindful dialogue, and perspective-taking 48:10 Zooming out: happiness research, the "hedonic treadmill," and where material success falls short 52:09 A comparison to hyper-competitive education systems elsewhere, like India and Japan   References Desbordes, G., Negi, L.T., Pace, T.W.W., Wallace, B.A., Raison, C.L., & Schwartz, E.L. (2012). Effects of mindful-attention and compassion medication training on amygdala response to emotional stimuli in an ordinary, non-meditative state. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience 6(1), 1-15.

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Frey, K.S., Nolen, S.B., Edstrom, L.V., & Hirschstein, M.K. (2005). Effects of a school-based social-emotional competence program: Linking children’s goals, attributions, and behavior. Applied Developmental Psychology 26, 171-200.

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Lantieri, L., & Nambiar, M. (2012). Cultivating the social, emotional, and inner lives of children and teachers. Reclaiming Children and Youth 21(2), 27-33.

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Maloney, J.E., Lawlor, M.S., Schonert-Reichl, K.A., & Whitehead, J. (2016). A mindfulness-based social and emotional learning curriculum for school-aged children: The MindUP program. In K.A. Schoenert-Reichl & R.W. Roeser (Eds.), Handbook of mindfulness in education (pp.313-334). New York, NY: Springer.

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Ozawa-de Silva, B., & Dodson-Lavelle, B. (2011). An education of heart and mind: Practical and theoretical issues in teaching cognitive-based compassion training to children. Practical Matters 4, 1-28.

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Pace, T.W.W., Negi, L.T., Adame, D.D., Cole, S.P., Sivilli, T.I., Brown, T.D., Issa, M.J., & Raison, C.L. (2009). Effect of compassion meditation on neuroendocrine, innate immune and behavioral responses to psychosocial stress. Psychoneuroendocrinology 34, 87-98.

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Rovelli, C. (2017). Reality is not what it seems: The journey to quantum gravity. New York, NY: Riverhead.