110: How to Dismantle Patriarchy Through Parenting

We began this mini-series a few weeks ago as listener Brian Stout and I co-interviewed Dr. Carol Gilligan as an introduction to the topic of patriarchy, how it is present in every aspect of raising our children, and the negative impacts it has on our children's lives - both on boys and girls.   The interview with Dr. Gilligan laid the groundwork for us, and in this episode Brian and I are back for a conversation about what we learned and what implications this has for the way we will raise our children.  We discuss:

• Why Brian, a cisgendered, heterosexual White male - an apparent beneficiary of patriarchal systems - is so interested in dismantling it
• Some of the specific ways we parents perpetuate patriarchy through our parenting, even if we don't realize we're doing it!
• Why 'masculine' qualities like logic are prized over 'feminine' qualities like understanding the physical experience of the body and recognizing emotions (and why it's ridiculous that these qualities are gendered in the first place)
• How patriarchy hurts men (mentally, emotionally, and physically) as well as women
• Brian's top four conclusions and actions to take to begin the work of dismantling patriarchy in our own families (and, by extension, in society more broadly)

  Resources mentioned in this episode (as well as additional resources that Brian and/or I recommend):

• Brian's newsletters on why patriarchy persists: Part 1, Part 2 (Subscribe to receive parts 3 and 4 when they're released!); here's the "two heads" masculine and feminine energies image
• Brian's blog post on Raising Thriving Children: Parenting Beyond Power
• List of Gottman-trained therapists
• Trabian Shorters: Asset-Based Framing
• Liz Plank's book For the Love of Men
• The Scene on Radio series on Men
• Dr. Edward Tronick's Still Face Experiment
• Rotten Tomatoes reviews of The Warrior movie
• Dr. Brene Brown's TED talk on The Power of Vulnerability
• Dr. Vivek Murthy talking about the Loneliness Epidemic
• This piece from APA gets at the masculinity/deaths of despair link (Ron Levant is great)
• This piece from Esther Perel is a good starting point for raising boys in patriarchy.
• Here's a pretty good "syllabus on Undoing patriarchy" (put together by a White guy on his own journey)

  Groups that are addressing patriarchy:

• Organizing White Men for Collective Liberation - a national network mobilizing White men to learn, grow and take action against White supremacy and patriarchy
• Miki Kashtan overcoming patriarchy call (all are welcome)
• Gibran Rivera, men relinquishing patriarchy (men/masculine identified space)
• National networks like ManKind Project, and online resources like the