What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms
When you’re a parent, every day brings a ”fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of ”What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered ”why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Best of: Dr. Ibram X. Kendi on Raising Antiracists
Dr. Ibram X. Kendi is the author of many highly acclaimed books including STAMPED FROM THE BEGINNING: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, which won the National Book Award for Nonfiction. In 2020, Time magazine named Dr. Kendi one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Dr. Kendi was awarded a 2021 MacArthur Fellowship, popularly known as the Genius Grant. In this interview, we are discussing his book HOW TO RAISE AN ANTIRACIST. His latest book for young readers is called MALCOM LIVES and you can buy it here.
In this interview, Dr. Kendi explains:
- why caregivers cannot protect young people from racism by ignoring what’s happening to our children
- why teaching antiracism is the best way to protect our children from racism's harms
- why children have an easier time understanding these ideas than we might think
- how putting off conversations about race, or giving kids the message that racism is unmentionable, can make our children prey to more sinister messaging
It is never too early, or too late, to start raising our kids to be antiracist.
Get How To Raise An Antiracist in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593242537
and find out more on Dr. Kendi's website: https://ibramxkendi.com
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity , anti-racism, racism, race, anti-racist education
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BEST OF: Grudges Held, Grudges Kept
Is it rational to still be mad about that time in second grade when the kid right in front of you took the last sprinkles at the ice cream social?
Is it reasonable to think just a little less of your childhood friend for serving Chex Mix at his wedding?
Ours is not to reason why. This episode isn't here to tell you whether you all should be maintaining these grudges so carefully. It's here to hold space for them all. Stay angry, Hellions!
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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DEEP DIVE: Francesca Royster on "Choosing Family"
How do we find support when our family of origin is no longer around or has otherwise rejected us? Francesca Royster, author of the new memoir Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance, explains the concepts of chosen family, finding joy in the everyday, and the resistance that is part of telling hard stories.
Margaret and Francesca discuss:
- What inspired Francesca to write her memoir
- What it's like to enter motherhood at an older age
- The process of adopting her daughter
Taking pleasure in the reality of everyday life can really help you connect with loved ones in your family, chosen or blood-related. And telling stories about hardship and tragedy can actually help us gain perspective and have more hope about the world, not less.
Here's where you can find Francesca:
- Her faculty page on the DePaul University website
- @roysterfrancesca on IG
- @francesca.royster.1 on FB
- Buy Francesca's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419756177
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity , transgender, trans kids, transgender kids, support for trans kids, trans rights, queer kids,
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Fresh Take: Ramit Sethi, "Money for Couples"
How do we start a conversation about finances with our partners, especially when each of our households of origin might have thought about money quite differently?
Ramit Sethi, host of Netflix’s hit show, How to Get Rich, and author of MONEY FOR COUPLES, offers practical tips for productively discussing money with your partner.
Ramit and Margaret discuss:
- Why money conversations are so hard
- The four money types: Avoider, Optimizer, Worrier, or Dreamer
- How the messages we heard (or didn’t hear) about money growing up shape our adult decisions—and how to teach kids better.
- Age-appropriate ways to talk to your kids about money, build financial literacy, and model strong values.
Here's where to find Ramit:
- Buy MONEY FOR COUPLES: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523523689
- Listen to the Money for Couples podcast: https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/podcast/
- @ramit on IG and X
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Things Most People Think Are Hard (But Aren't)
There are plenty of things that seem intimidating but are actually not that hard to do! From power hedge trimmers to cooking a whole fish, we (and our listeners) are here with the things that most people seem to think are hard—but actually aren't.
View the full list of things our listeners said are actually pretty simple.
Plus, the two things we promised to include in the show notes:
an actually-easy way to create Power of Attorney forms for kids off to college
an actually easy and attractive way to store sets of sheets
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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DEEP DIVE: Ellen Kahn On Supporting Our LGBTQ Kids
Ellen Kahn is the Senior Director of Programs and Partnerships at the Human Rights Campaign. In her role, Ellen provides national leadership and expertise in public education and advocacy efforts on behalf of LGBTQ youth and families. Ellen is nationally recognized as an expert on LGBTQ family life and LGBTQ youth. She's also a proud mom of two teenage daughters.
In this interview, Ellen explains how parents can create a home environment that affirms and accepts LGBTQ children, and how to advocate for LGBTQ kids in the larger world– whether they're our own children or not. As Ellen explains: "It's all of us together, chiseling away at the reason parents can be fearful when they find out their child is LGBTQ. Let's just not raise bullies anymore."
Here are a few additional resources mentioned in this episode:
- Human Rights Campaign's welcomingschools.org
- pflag.org
- "Serendipitydodah- Home of the Mama Bears" Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Serendipitydodah
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity , transgender, trans kids, transgender kids, support for trans kids, trans rights, queer kids, lgbtq kids
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Fresh Take: Dr. Morgan Cutlip on Redistributing the Mental Load
Amy chats with Dr. Morgan Cutlip about her new book A Better Share, which offers practical, research-based strategies for managing the mental load in relationships. They discuss how default parenting, gender socialization, and communication missteps can create resentment—and how couples can reconnect through clarity and shared responsibility. You’ll hear why the mental load is the real relationship villain, not your partner— and how to invite your partner into the solution .
Amy and Morgan discuss:
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why our invisible labor is so hard to talk about without sparking defensiveness
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why curiosity offers a secret to lasting connection
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how being the default parent impacts one's desire for intimacy
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how to help kids develop initiative, not just complete chores
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the power of “gracious interpretations” and the ultimate compliment formula
Here's where you can find Morgan:
- https://drmorgancutlip.com
- Listen to Morgan's podcast "Love Thinks"
- @drmorgancutlip on IG
- Buy A BETTER SHARE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781400239672
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity, maternal mental health, postpartum health,
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Trad Moms and Trad Wives
We dive into the world of #tradwives and trad moms—mothers who embrace their traditional gender roles and showcase homemaking all over social media, usually with a heavy dose of curated perfection, aspiring to a bygone ideal that may never exactly have actually existed.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- what actually defines a trad wife
- the influence of social media algorithms in boosting—and polarizing—this content
- the aesthetic fantasy of cottagecore, nap dresses, and homesteading versus the messy reality of modern motherhood
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Sophie Elmhirst for The New Yorker: The Rise and Fall of the Trad Wife
- Maddie Garfinkle for People Magazine: What Is a Tradwife? All About the Controversial Lifestyle — And Why It's Having a Viral Moment
- Amy X. Wang for The New York Times: Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Tradwife?
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity, trad wives, trad moms
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Fresh Take: Jessica Zucker on Normalizing Miscarriage
Why is there still so much shame and silence surrounding women's experiences with miscarriage in the modern age? Jessica Zucker, author of the new book NORMALIZE IT, discusses her personal experience with miscarriage and its profound impact on her life and career.
Jessica Zucker is a Los Angeles-based psychologist specializing in reproductive health and the author of the award-winning book I HAD A MISCARRIAGE: A Memoir, a Movement.
Jessica, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How storytelling is a powerful tool for healing and community building.
- Why open conversations about women's health are crucial for emotional well-being.
- How the lack of information about women 's health makes milestones harder to navigate.
Here's where you can find Jessica:
- www.drjessicazucker.com
- @ihadamiscarriage on IG
- Buy NORMALIZE IT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781683738145
If you are in mental health distress or have a suicidal crisis, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 for free and confidential support.
Call 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) for 24/7 free confidential support for pregnant and new moms.
Here are additional resources of support for pregnant and new moms:
- https://womenshealth.gov/TalkingPPD
- https://www.pregnancyloss.org/
-
https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/miscarriage-loss-and-grief
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, #normalizeit #ihadamiscarriage #pregnancyloss #tfmr #grief #loss
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Fresh Take: Meagan Francis, THE LAST PARENTING BOOK YOU'LL EVER READ
Amy chats with parenting writer and The Mom Hour podcaster Meagan Francis about her new book, The Last Parenting Book You'll Ever Read: How We Let Our Kids Go and Embrace What’s Next. Together, they reflect on the identity shift that comes with parenting an emptying nest, the emotional complexity of "lasts," and why transitioning out of the "hands-on" years of parenting requires the same patience with ourselves that entering those years did.
Listen to the Substack Live Amy and Meagan did recently to discuss Amy's book HAPPY TO HELP!
🎧 Amy and Meagan discuss:
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Why "arms full to hands-free" parenting isn't so bad
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How to navigate the emptying nest without feeling a loss of identity
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Why cherishing every moment is overrated—and impossible
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The truth about staying close to your adult kids
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The importance of maintaining our own friendships and identity as our kids grow
Here are all the places you can hear more from Meagan:
- Follow Meagan on Substack: https://meaganfrancis.substack.com
- @momhour and @meaganfrancis on IG
- Buy THE LAST PARENTING BOOK YOU'LL EVER READ: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781464225161
- And Meagan’s and Sarah's new podcast, "Midlife Lady Leisure Pursuits," just launched! Listen here.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, empty nest, adult children, parent of teens
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There's a New Study on Moms' Mental Health...and It's Not Great
A study released this month examined the state of mothers' mental health in the U.S. from 2016 to 2023. Using data from 200,000 mothers, the study reveals a "significant decline" in emotional and physical well-being for mothers in all age groups and demographics.
Margaret and Amy break down the data, the implications, and the causes—which certainly include the pandemic, although there are many other social, economic, and cultural forces contributing to the stress of modern motherhood.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- What a major national study reveals about maternal mental health trends
- Why the decline in mental health extends far beyond the postpartum period
- The role of pandemic-related stress, financial pressures, and lack of support
- How parents can prioritize their own well-being—even in small, actionable ways
- Why maternal mental health impacts the whole family system
Mothers' mental health is showing up as a true crisis, and not just in the postpartum months, but throughout the parenting journey. The clear connection between children’s mental health and that of their caregivers makes maternal well-being an imperative public health priority.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Catherine Pearson for the New York Times: Study Finds a Steep Drop in Mothers’ Mental Health
- Daw JR, MacCallum-Bridges CL, Admon LK: Trends and Disparities in Maternal Self-Reported Mental and Physical Health. JAMA Intern Med.
- Sara Moniuszko for CBS News: Moms in the U.S. report large decline in mental health in recent years, study finds
- Elizabeth Tenety for Motherly: Just 1 in 4 moms say they’re doing well mentally—new study reveals a growing crisis
- Pooja Lakshmin MD on Substack: Mental health is personal — and political
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity, anxiety, maternal mental health, postpartum health, PPD, PPA, PPOCD
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DEEP DIVE: Amber Briggle on Supporting Trans Kids
This episode was originally recorded in 2022. For more about the Briggle family, watch the 2024 New Yorker short documentary "Love to the Max."
Amber Briggle and her family live in Texas. Amber is the mom of two kids, Max and Lulu, and on her website "Love To The Max," Amber shares the family's real stories and experiences as a trans-inclusive family.
Amber describes herself as "just a mom," but the events of the last few years have made her a powerful advocate for the rights of kids and families like her own. She was a founding member (and former national co-chair) of the “Parents for Transgender Equality Council”, part of the Human Rights Campaign. Amber currently serves as the “Equal Opportunity Issue” Chair for the League of Women Voters of Texas.
In this moving and illuminating episode, Amber talks about her experience parenting her transgender son and the breadth of emotions and experiences that come with it.
In this episode, Amber, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Amber's son Max's transition journey
- The best ways to support trans kids
- The anti-trans legislation currently in effect and under consideration in the U.S.
NOTE: Since we recorded this episode, a lawyer for the state of Texas confirmed that the child abuse investigation into the Briggle family has been lifted.
Here's where you can find Amber:
Her website: https://lovetothemax.net/
Facebook: /amberbriggle
Twitter: @mrsbriggle
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity , transgender, trans kids, transgender kids, support for trans kids, trans rights
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Fresh Take: Melinda Wenner Moyer on "Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times"
How do we raise compassionate and well-adjusted kids when their anxiety is at an all-time high, and so is ours? Melinda Wenner Moyer, author of the new book HELLO CRUEL WORLD, discusses actionable and easy-to-implement steps we can take to prepare our children for the realities of today's complicated world while acknowledging our own uncertainty.
Melinda Wenner Moyer is an award-winning contributing editor at Scientific American, a regular contributor to The New York Times, and a former faculty member at NYU's Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute.
Melinda, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- the issues affecting today's kids that parents didn't grow up dealing with, like social media, climate change, and political polarization
- how to prepare more than you protect, listen more than you lecture, and comfort more than you chide
- the power of narrating our own actions out loud to our kids
- socializing both boys and girls about when it's okay to rest
Here's where you can find Melinda:
- www.melindawennermoyer.com
- @Lindy2350 on X
- @melindawmoyer on IG
- @melindawennermoyer on FB
- Buy HELLO CRUEL WORLD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593719367
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Creating Systems That Work
Can better systems make running our households easier? There's only so much work a whiteboard can do, but in this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss how they have set up effective systems to manage their kids' lives, their homes, and their work.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Creating a central source of "parenting truth"
- The importance of touching base regularly with your parenting partner
- The need for self-compassion and flexibility in managing the demands of motherhood
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Marika Lindholm for Harvard Business Review: Creative Strategies from Single Parents on Juggling Work and Family
- Kate Hayes for Central Mass Mom: How I Stay Organized as a Working Mom
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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DEEP DIVE: Can We Be More Inclusive Parents?
Can we become more inclusive as parents? Inclusivity has great benefits for everyone involved. We loved this explanation from Bright Horizons:
"Too often, inclusiveness is described as something we should do to benefit others. Being inclusive is more than a moral obligation—although this alone is enough reason to practice it. When we are inclusive we aren’t divided. Instead, our world becomes enlarged. We gain relationships and experiences that enrich us. We recognize that we are all different, and that those differences bring joy to living."
In this episode, we talk about how to get "wider" (more intentionally inclusive) in our family lives and in our communities and how to bring our kids into that conversation.
Here are links to some writing on topic (plus our own episodes) that we refer to in this episode:
- Melissa Hart for Parents: 5 Ways to Help Children Be More Inclusive of Other Kids
- Bright Horizons: Raising An Inclusive Child
- welcomingschools.org
- www.diversebooks.org
- Fresh Take: Judith Warner
- Talking With Our Kids About Race: Deborah Porter
- Fresh Take: Ellen Kahn
- Fresh Take: Radha Agrawal
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity
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Fresh Take: Loryn Brantz on Finding Joy in Parenting Through Poetry
How can we find time to be creative as busy moms of young kids? Loryn Brantz, author of the new poetry collection POEMS OF PARENTING, discusses how her creative practice informs her parenting and vice versa.
Loryn is the creator of the bestselling Feminist Baby board book series and has worked as a director and illustrator for Sesame Street and Ms. Rachel. Margaret and Loryn discuss:
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Loryn’s creative journey from Sesame Street to Buzzfeed to publishing twelve books
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How motherhood and exhaustion birthed her viral poetry collection on Instagram
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The power of mindfulness and meditation for overwhelmed moms
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Why Loryn believes kids' media should stay focused on kids
Insights on the balance between nurturing children and preserving creativity
Here's where you can find Loryn:
- Instagram: @lorynbrantz
- https://www.lorynbrantz.com/
- Buy POEMS OF PARENTING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063426436
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Traveling as a Family
We asked our listeners what advice they have for harmonious family traveling. Here are our favorite tips they shared, plus a few of our own, from how early to get to the airport to hitting the top kid-friendly site in Paris!
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How to communicate effectively with your spouse before traveling
- Useful packing tips - here's the carry-on bag Amy loves
- Vacation scheduling advice
- How to include kids in planning vacations
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, cognitive labor, summer camps, summer camps for kids, camps for kids, kids camps, kids summer activities, summer activities for kids, summer travel, summer vacation, summer, travel with kids, travel tips, tips for traveling with kids, vacation with kids, vacation tips
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DEEP DIVE: Do We Need to Lower Our Standards?
This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify.
When we explain to our partners and families that we need them to pitch in around the house, we sometimes hear back that the real problem is our too-high standards. That if we actually think "doing the laundry" means FOLDING the laundry, instead of leaving it in the dryer, that that is just too high a bar.
Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY, suggests that partners establish a "minimum standard of care" for household duties. But how does that get set? And is that really all it takes?
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How to use "community standards" to determine minimum standards of care
- The tired old idea that women have impossible standards
- Why it might be your system that's the problem and not your partner
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Sheila Wray Gregoire for Bare Marriage: EMOTIONAL LABOR SERIES: HOW DO WE DECIDE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE?
- Listen to our Fresh Take with Eve Rodsky
- Eve Rodsky's FAIR PLAY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943
- Leslie Goldman for The Cut: The Marriages Hanging On by a $19 Deck of Cards
- Buy Lyz Lenz's book THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity
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Fresh Take: Gretchen Rubin on Life's Simple Truths
If we impart the life lessons we've learned to our children, does that mean they won't make the same mistakes? Gretchen Rubin, author of the new book SECRETS OF ADULTHOOD, discusses how aphorisms provide us with a particular kind of wisdom that stays with us, often forever.
Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many NYT-bestselling books.
Gretchen and Amy discuss:
- Why Gretchen chose the aphorism format for her book
- Why Gretchen prefers the term "open door" to "empty nester"
- Particular aphorisms that ring especially true for Amy and Gretchen
- What Gretchen hopes people will get out of the book
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What the fluency heuristic is—and how rhymes can win parenting battles
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How brief sayings can provoke deep reflection and even disagreement
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The surprising dangers of “productive” procrastination
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Why the opposite of a profound truth can also be true
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How everyday routines and mini-quests (like collecting globes or visiting museums) can increase happiness
Here's where you can find Gretchen:
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👉 Buy Secrets of Adulthood: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593800737
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🌐 Visit Gretchen’s website: GretchenRubin.com
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🧪 Follow Gretchen on IG @gretchenrubin
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📩 Sign up for her newsletter: Five Things Making Me Happy
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, happiness
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How Parenting Advice Has Changed Over the Last 125 Years
Is parenting today genuinely more difficult—or are we just overthinking it? Amy and Margaret explore the evolution of parenting over the last 125 years, tracing shifts from the rigid, hierarchical households of the early 1900s to today’s emotionally intense, overanalyzed parenting culture.
These trends beg the question: What’s the real cost of trying to "optimize” every moment of our children's lives?
In this episode:
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How parenting norms have changed since 1894
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The impact of attachment theory and the rise of “gentle parenting”
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The shift from communal to isolated parenting and why it matters
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Why parents today feel so much more pressure to “get it right”
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How technology and information overload affect modern family dynamics
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What we might be missing by focusing too much on doing everything perfectly
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Claire Cain Miller for the NYT: How Parenting Today Is Different, and Harder
- Elizabeth Tenety for Motherly: Why parenting in 2025 feels much harder than it did in the ‘90s—this mom’s take hits home
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, history of parenting, parenting history
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DEEP DIVE: Decision Fatigue—And Why It's Especially Bad For Moms
This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify.
The average adult makes 35,000 decisions a day. The average "default parent" makes a lot more than that. No wonder we suffer from decision fatigue. The more decisions we have to make, the more fatigue we develop, and the more difficult it can become to function.
So how can we combat the frustration, apathy, and resentment that result from having to make all the decisions in the family?
In this episode we discuss:
-How decision fatigue manifests—and how it differs from burnout
-The best time of day to make hard decisions
-Why "going with the flow" is not actually a thing
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Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
-Sara Berg for the American Medical Association: "What doctors wish patients knew about decision fatigue"
-Michelle Adelman for HowStuffWorks: "When's the Best Time of Day to Make a Decision?"
-Lauren Barth for The Bump: "Why the Decision-Fatigue Struggle Is (Still) Real for Parents"
-Frank Graff for PBS North Carolina: "How Many Decisions Do We Make In One Day?"
-Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco for The Washington Post: "For parents, everything feels like a high-stakes decision now. Here’s how to lower the anxiety."
-Ashley Stahl for Forbes: "How Burnout Affects Your Decision-Making Process—And How To Fix It"
-Eva M. Krockow for Psychology Today: "How Many Decisions Do We Make Each Day?"
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity
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Fresh Take: Anna Fader and Amelia Eigerman
How can we get buy-in from our kids when we go on vacation, whether it's a half-hour down the road or the other side of the world? Anna Fader and Amelia Eigerman, the mother-daughter team behind the MOMMY POPPINS TRAVEL JOURNAL AND ACTIVITY BOOK, have devised practical tips for really including our kids on family adventures.
Anna Fader and Amelia Eigerman are a mother-daughter team. Mommy Poppins is recognized as a leading authority on family activities and travel, cited in publications including The New York Times, The Washington Post, and Forbes, among others.
Anna, Amelia, and Margaret discuss:
- Why this travel journal is appropriate for every kind of vacation
- The two different perspectives they bring to the book
- The important skills kids can learn while traveling
Here's where you can find Anna and Amelia:
- www.mommypoppins.com
- @mommypoppins on IG, FB, TikTok, and Youtube
- Buy the MOMMY POPPINS TRAVEL JOURNAL AND ACTIVITY BOOK: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781964487014
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, summer travel, summer vacation, vacation with kids, travel with kids, kid-friendly vacation, kid-friendly travel, tips for vacation with kids, tips for traveling with kids
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Moms and Anxiety
Moms are usually low-level anxious about their kids at all times. But it's exhausting. How much of this anxiety we feel is normal and how much of it may require medical intervention? Here's how moms specifically feel anxiety and some tips for making it a little less intense.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Anxiety symptoms that can be specific to moms
- How clinical anxiety is different from everyday anxiety necessary for human survival
- How to actively work against your anxiety as a mother
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jennifer Kelly Geddes for What to Expect: 6 Types of Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders
- Calm.com: Yes, motherhood anxiety is totally normal. Here's how to cope
- Cleveland Clinic: Anxiety Disorders
- Marika Lindholm, PhD, for Psychology Today: 10 Anxiety Busters for Moms
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity, anxiety
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DEEP DIVE: Making the "Invisible Workload" Visible
This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify.
What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task?
It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about
- Pushing back on "weaponized incompetence"
- The difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes
- The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids
Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode:
- Our interview with Eve Rodsky
- Mac Daniel for Harvard Radcliffe Institute: "The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor"
- FAIR PLAY by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943
- EMOTIONAL LABOR by Rose Hackman: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250777355
- THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE by Lyz Lenz: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, cognitive labor
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Fresh Take: Susan Dominus
What do high-achieving families have in common, and what are some good lessons from them we can replicate in our own parenting? Susan Dominus, author of the new book THE FAMILY DYNAMIC, discusses the forces at play in families with multiple successful members and how we can encourage our kids to succeed in the ways that make sense for them.
Susan Dominus is a staff writer for The New York Times Magazine. In 2018, Susan was part of a team reporting on workplace sexual harassment that won a Pulitzer Prize for public service.
Susan, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How socioeconomic status informs family dynamics
- The role that parent expectations play in child development
- Why relationships outside the family are important for kids
Here's where you can find Susan:
- @suedominus on IG
- @susandominus.bsky.social on Bluesky
- Buy FAMILY DYNAMIC: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593137901
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, siblings, brothers, sisters, sibling relationship, kids age gap, sibling age gap , family dynamic
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Finding Summer Camps
What are we going to do with our kids all summer? Gone are the days when kids can just play outdoors unsupervised from sunup to sundown. Now certain summer camps are sold out within a matter of minutes on January 1st.
So how can we keep our kids affordably occupied all summer long? Here are some helpful tips and resources where you can find reasonably priced camps and activities for your kids this summer.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How they spent their own summers as kids
- The most effective way to apply for scholarships and financial aid for summer programs
- Which local community organizations often provide summer activities for kids
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: bit.ly/whatfreshnewsletter
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Nicole Fabian-Weber for Care.com: Summer camp cost: Breaking down the price of day, sleep-away and specialty camps
- Sarah D. Wire for USA TODAY: Latest Trump cuts put summer reading, mobile libraries and local museums in jeopardy
- Jeff Williams for U.S. News: 8 Alternatives to Sending Your Child to a Pricey Summer Camp
- Anne Helen Petersen for the Culture Study blog: The Past and Potential Future of the Summer Care Scramble
- Nancy Chen for CBS News: Inflation has caused summer camp costs to soar. Here are tips for parents on how to save
- Joel Anderson for Slate: What Happened to Kids’ Summers?
- Jamie Aderski on TikTok: Send Your Kids to Camp or Quit Your Job?
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, cognitive labor, summer camps, summer camps for kids, camps for kids, kids camps, kids summer activities, summer activities for kids, affordable summer camps for kids
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BEST OF: What Fresh Hell Is Mother's Day?
Is one morning of runny eggs and burnt toast really fair payback for 364 days of work? Does "Mother's Day" have to mean packing the kids for a two-hour drive to see your mom and/or mother-in-law? Why does Mother's Day often feel like it's more trouble than it's worth?
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- Anna Jarvis and the rather tragic origins of Mother's Day
- "Minor Mother's Day" vs "Major Mother's Day," and how to deliver that message
- How to ask for—and get—the Mother's Day that feels right for you
Margaret mentions "The Lanyard" by Billy Collins in this episode.
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Mother's Day, making mom feel special mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, mothers day, mother's day gift ideas
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Fresh Take: Jessica N. Turner on Rising from Grief and Disappointment
When we're faced with difficulties, how can we put them into perspective and move forward? Jessica N. Turner, author of the new book I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS, discusses the experiences that led her to look at life differently and how she has learned to make "imperfect choices."
Jessica N. Turner has spent the last two decades as a content creator and tastemaker for busy moms looking for hacks to live life with more intention and less stress.
Jessica, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- What led Jessica to write this book
- What Jessica's large online audience of women taught her about grief
- Strategies for processing grief and disappointment
Here's where you can find Jessica:
- www.jessicanturner.com
- @jessicanturner on IG
- @TheMomCreative on FB
- Buy I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781546006718
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, #betterthanthis, grief, trauma, stages of grief, disappointment
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Maternal Gatekeeping: Is It a Thing?
"Maternal gatekeeping" usually shows up in pop culture as an overbearing, overprotective mother preventing everyone else from even touching the baby. But maternal gatekeeping is a multidimensional phenomenon that isn't as simple as anxious mothers needing complete control over their newborn's schedule. Here is what the studies on maternal gatekeeping say and how it can manifest in two-parent households.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The three dimensions of the term "maternal gatekeeping" and what the original definition gets wrong
- The best predictors of maternal gatekeeping in a couple's dynamic
- The societal pressures that reinforce maternal gatekeeping
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Miss Perceived podcast with Leah Ruppanner: Are Dads Being Shut Out of Childcare? Breaking Down the "Maternal Gate"
- Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan, et. al for Parenting Science and Practice Journal: Who are the Gatekeepers? Predictors of Maternal Gatekeeping
- Sarah M. Allen and Alan J. Hawkins for the Journal of Marriage and Family: Maternal Gatekeeping: Mothers' Beliefs and Behaviors That Inhibit Greater Father Involvement in Family Work
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, cognitive labor, maternal gatekeeping
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DEEP DIVE: Mom Rage
This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify.
"Mom rage" is a thing, and it feels shameful because it feels so far from where we are supposed to be as mothers and as women. Writer Anne Lamott called it "a closely guarded secret, as if the myth of maternal bliss is so sacrosanct that we can't even admit these feelings to ourselves."
But it's more universal than we admit, and its triggers more predictable. There are also practical ways we can all recognize it sooner when it might be building within ourselves.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How a "sequence of provocations" can dramatically increase anger
- Why lack of sleep is a major cause of mom rage
- Things that work to lengthen our fuses
If you found this episode useful, here are some other episodes of ours you might listen to next:
Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg Tells Us How To Stop Losing It With Our Kids (May 2021)
Sometimes We Lose It (Dec 2018)
Here are links to some of the resources we mentioned in the episode:
@momuninterrupted on Instagram: "Nighttime Parenting"
Anne Lamott for Salon: "Mother Rage: Theory and Practice"
Pallavi Pundir for Vice: ‘It’s Like I Was Possessed’: Women Reveal the Deepest, Darkest Moments of Their ‘Mom Rage’
Minna Dubin for The New York Times: "The Rage Mothers Don’t Talk About"
Minna Dubin for The New York Times: ‘I Am Going to Physically Explode’: Mom Rage in a Pandemic
NBC Boston: What Is Mom Rage? Why Are So Many Women Feeling It?
Mairead Heffron for Image: The secret rage of motherhood: ‘I never imagined that my child could be both the trigger and target of my anger’
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom blame, mom rage
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Fresh Take: Tamron Hall
How can we show kids that their neighborhoods are wonderful places to explore, learn, and grow? Tamron Hall, author of the NYT-bestselling book HARLEM HONEY, discusses why fostering hometown curiosity in kids is so important.
Tamron Hall is a two-time Emmy Award-winning television host and executive producer of syndicated talk show Tamron Hall.
Tamron and Margaret discuss:
- Becoming a mom later in life
- Navigating anxiety in our kids
- Why Mom going off to work at the beginning of HARLEM HONEY is so important
Here's where you can find Tamron:
- https://tamronhallshow.com/
- Buy HARLEM HONEY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063244849
- @tamronhall on IG, FB, Threads, TikTok, and X
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty,
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I Wish I'd Done This Sooner
What's something in your life that's made such a difference you wish you'd done it earlier? That's what we asked our listeners, and they came up with a range of excellent ideas, from big changes to tiny tweaks.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Ideal coffee/tea temperatures
- Meal planning strategies that actually work
- Margaret's two recurring dreams and what they mean
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, cognitive labor, meal planning, grocery delivery, scheduling, family planner, family schedule
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DEEP DIVE: Why Do Moms Get All The Blame?
This Deep Dive series is all about why motherhood is so gosh darn hard. Turns out there are sociopolitical forces at play that make motherhood way harder than it needs to be. Listen to the full playlist on Spotify.
Mothers have long been held at fault for anything that might occur in their children's lives, from autism ("refrigerator mothers") to colic, and everything in between. Why is there such a long history of blaming everything on Mom?
In this episode, we discuss how mom blame has manifested in both psychology and parenting advice over the years, and how we can start to push back on it in our own lives.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Joseph E. Davis, PhD for Psychology Today: "For a Moratorium on Parent Blaming"
- Mitzi M. Waltz, PhD for the AMA Journal of Ethics: "Mothers and Autism: The Evolution of a Discourse of Blame"
- Rosjke Hasseldine for Medium: "How Mother Blaming Harms the Mother-Daughter Bond"
- Bonnie Zucker for Scary Mommy: "From a Psychologist: No, It's Not All Mom's Fault"
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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Fresh Take: Jessica Slice on Parenting While Disabled
How does disability affect parenting, and what can disabled parents teach us all about parenthood? Jessica Slice, author of the new book UNFIT PARENT, discusses her journey as a disabled parent and the incredible joy she's found along the way.
Jessica Slice is a disabled author, speaker, and essayist. She has been published in Modern Love, The New York Times and The Washington Post among many others.
Jessica and Margaret discuss:
- Her journey towards accepting her disabled status
- How her disability prepared her for parenthood in an unexpected way
- How disabled parents are stigmatized and targeted by society
Here's where you can find Jessica:
- www.jessicaslice.com
- @jessicaslice on IG
- Buy UNFIT PARENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807013243
Rachel Fairbank for National Geographic: "What Is POTS? This Strange Disorder Has Doubled Since the Pandemic"
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, disability, disability awareness, disabled parenting, disabled parent, parenting while disabled
#jessicaslice #unfitparent #disabledparenting #booksbydisabledauthors
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Is Gentle Parenting "Too" Gentle?
There's a reason "gentle parenting" has become synonymous in some circles—and on social media—with never ever telling a child "no," even in the most extreme circumstances. But where did "gentle parenting" begin, what does the research really say about it, and what can it actually offer parents in the way of making their lives easier?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The original definition of "gentle parenting"—and how it leaves the door open for broad interpretations
- What research has actually shown about the effects of gentle parenting—and how those who consider themselves gentle parents are faring
- What the disagreements surrounding gentle parenting tells us about parenting in the modern world
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jessica Winter for the New Yorker: The Harsh Realm of 'Gentle Parenting'
- Kathryn Watson for Oprah Daily: The Truth About Gentle Parenting
- Annie Pezalla for The Conversation: Gentle parenting can be really hard on parents, new research suggests
- Anne E. Pezalla, et. al for the Public Library of Science Journal: “Trying to remain calm…but I do reach my limit sometimes”: An exploration of the meaning of gentle parenting
- Sarah Shemkus for the Boston Globe: ‘I’m hanging on for dear life.’ The parenting style pushing parents to the brink.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, gentle parenting, permissive parenting
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DEEP DIVE: Things That Should Be Fun... But Aren't
This month's Deep Dive series is all about how much fun we are—or aren't—having while raising our kids. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
There are some things in life that sound more fun in the planning stage than they are in the execution, and those things are statistically proven to be done more frequently by parents.
We asked our listeners to tell us their lists of things that should be fun, but aren't. As the record will show, our listeners are sadly, completely correct. Don't say you weren't warned.
Here's the link to the episode of The Mom Hour episode a few of our listeners mentioned: We Hate Fun!
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty, fun with kids, fun parenting
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Fresh Take: Dr. Rebecca N. Thompson on the Healing Power of Shared Stories
In this conversation, Dr. Rebecca N. Thompson, author of the new book HELD TOGETHER, shares her experiences as a family medicine physician specializing in women's and children's health, focusing on her journey through pregnancy complications and losses.
She discusses the importance of storytelling in healing, the interconnectedness of personal and professional experiences, and the collaborative nature of her book, 'Held Together.'
Through the stories of herself and others, she emphasizes the complexities of motherhood, the medical profession, and the shared struggles that unite us all.
Rebecca N. Thompson, MD, is a family medicine and public health physician who specializes in women’s and children’s health.
Dr. Thompson and Amy discuss:
- Dr. Thompson's journey through pregnancy loss shaped her medical focus.
- Storytelling can be a powerful tool for healing and connection.
- Women often hide their struggles due to fear of pity or shame.
- The importance of sharing personal stories to foster understanding.
Here's where you can find Dr. Thompson and buy HELD TOGETHER:
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, pregnancy, pregnancy loss, new mother, pregnancy complication, miscarriage
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Should Your Family Get a Pet?
Are your kids steadily wearing you down on the topic of getting a puppy? Are you convinced that a "low-maintenance" pet like a turtle or fish will be a happy compromise for everyone? Here are some important points to consider if you are thinking about getting a family pet.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Their soon-to-be-patented "pet decision matrix"
- Why smaller, "lower maintenance" pets are NOT less work than bigger ones
- How having a pet affects things like family travel, budget, and household labor
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Malinda Larkin for AVMA: "Pet population continues to increase while pet spending declines"
- Jacob Bogage for The Washington Post: "Americans Adopted Millions of Dogs During the Pandemic. Now What Do We Do With Them?"
- Lisa Damour for NYT: "What Do Teenagers Need? Ask the Family Dog"
- View our pet decision matrix!
We're on Spotify! Please rate us and follow us there, even if you listen elsewhere. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend! https://spoti.fi/41ZShqS
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, family pet, family dog, family cat, pet care, getting a pet
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DEEP DIVE: When Is This Going to Be Fun Again? Lighthearted Parenting
This month's Deep Dive series is all about how much fun we are—or aren't—having while raising our kids. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
We all fall into the trap of thinking that every day with our kids has to contain a “snow globe moment,” a social media-worthy image of perfect joy for our entire family.
And even if part of us knows that’s not realistic, another part of us thinks that it’s all supposed to be fun. That there must be something wrong with us if we don’t love every single moment of our chaotic lives with little ones.
But once we kick that shame to the curb, there really are ways to make our lives as parents more fun and lighthearted. Even on a regular Tuesday.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How we can be lighthearted, even when things aren’t fun
- How we can have fun even when things aren’t easy
- How we can have fun even when our kids definitely aren’t
Our basic takeaway: parenting definitely gets a little more fun as our kids get a little bit easier… and by “easier,” we mean “not throwing themselves into mortal danger every ninety seconds because they don’t know any better.”
The first step to having more fun may simply be to wish that it were so. As motivational speaker Danielle LaPorte explains: “Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent form of clarity you can have.”
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty, fun with kids, fun parenting
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Fresh Take: Kate Swenson, Carrie Cariello, and Adrian Wood on Parenting Kids with Autism
Even though there is more awareness about neurodivergence in today's world, there's still a lot most people don't know about what it's like parenting neurodivergent children. Kate Swenson, Carrie Cariello, and Adrian Wood, authors of the new book AUTISM OUT LOUD, discuss their individual journeys parenting a child with autism from diagnosis to young adulthood.
Kate, Carrie, Adrian, and Margaret discuss:
- Figuring out what success looks like for your child with autism
- How an autism diagnosis affects family dynamics
- Processing the grief that accompanies an autism diagnosis
Kate Swenson is the creator of the blog and Facebook page Finding Cooper’s Voice. She speaks regularly about autism, parenting, and motherhood, and is a contributor to TODAY Parents, The TODAY Show, and the Love What Matters blog.
Carrie Cariello is the author of What Color Is Monday, Someone I’m With Has Autism, and Half My Sky.
Adrian Wood is the creator of the vlog Tales of an Educated Debutante. She has a PhD in Educational Research and contributes to TODAY Parents, The TODAY show, and the Love What Matters blog.
Buy AUTISM OUT LOUD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780778368366
Find out where the Autism Out Loud book tour is headed at https://autismoutloudbook.com/
Here's where you can find Kate:
- www.findingcoopersvoice.com
- @findingcoopersvoice on FB and IG
- https://findingcoopersvoice.substack.com/
Here's where you can find Carrie:
- @whatcolorismonday on FB
- @carrie_carriello on IG
- www.carriecariello.com
- https://substack.com/@carriecariello
Here's where you can find Adrian:
- www.talesofaneducateddebutante.com
- @educateddebutante on FB
- @talesofaneducateddebutante on IG
- @theeducateddebutante on YT
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty, autism out loud, autism after high school, autism and young adults, neurodivergent children, parenting neurodivergent children, autism, autism spectrum disorder, autistic children, special needs children, special education,
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Extremely Achievable Self-Care
Let's face it—we moms need self-care options that don't cost a lot, take a lot of time, or require any childcare. The members of our Facebook group came through again with some excellent, easy, no-cost/low-cost forms of self-care that will help you take back a little bit of your day—and your sanity!
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Their favorite forms of easy self care
- Their opinions on pickles
- Stores that are extra fun even if you're only window shopping
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, self-care
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DEEP DIVE: Is This Supposed to Be More Fun?
This month's Deep Dive series is all about how much fun we are—or aren't—having while raising our kids. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
When parenting feels like all work and no play, we may resignedly think "Well, that's the way it's supposed to be." But if you feel like parenting is more draining than fulfilling, there are ways to bring more presence, joy, and fun into the mix.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why having fun as a family usually means doing what kids think is fun, which is not the same as US having fun
- What psychologists say is required in order to have fun—and why those same things can be in short supply in our lives as parents
- The role of "flow" in fun, and whether eight hours of video games might start to have diminishing returns
Sometimes parenting isn't fun. The reasons for that aren't our fault, and losing the guilt that it's not all more fun can really help. On the other hand, if it's never fun, there might be some rearrangements of our family life that can occur...and we've got ideas on how to start.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jennifer Senior: All Joy And No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood
- Daniel Gilbert: Stumbling on Happiness
- Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi: Flow
- Arlie Hochschild: The Second Shift
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty, fun with kids, fun parenting
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Fresh Take: Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg on Friendship Dynamics
When we're the kinkeeper in our friend group—aka the one who organizes the get-togethers, remembers the birthdays, and sends out availability polls—it can get overwhelming, and we can even find ourselves resentful over it. Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg, hosts of the podcast "How to Be Fine," discuss how to approach conversations with friends about sharing the kinkeeping burden more evenly.
Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg host the podcasts "By The Book" and "How to Be Fine." The current season of How to Be Fine is all about the loneliness epidemic and friendship quandaries, from jealousy to BFF breakups.
Kristen, Jolenta, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Why new friends can actually be better than childhood friends sometimes
- What to do when one person is doing all the administration and planning in the friend group
- How to make friends as an adult
Here are links to some of the things we mentioned in the episode:
- Allison P. Davis for The Cut: "Adorable Little Detonators Our friendship survived bad dates, illness, marriage, fights. Why can’t it survive your baby?"
- Our episode "Keeping Up with Friends Without Kids"
- Hear Amy on the "How to Be Fine" podcast talking about friendship burnout
Here's where you can find Kristen and Jolenta:
- www.kristenmeinzer.com
- www.jolentagreenberg.com
- www.kristenandjolenta.com
- @howtobefinepod, @jolenta_g, @k10meinzer on IG
- Listen to "How to Be Fine"
- Buy the book HOW TO BE FINE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780062957207
- https://patreon.com/listentobythebook
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, gender roles, gender equity, gender stereotypes, self help, friends, loneliness, female friendship, adult friendship, making friends as adults, kinkeeping, people pleasing, people pleaser
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How to Be Connected (But Not Too Connected) with Our Kids
We want to build a family that feels close and connected, but how do we know when the boundaries in our relationships are too porous? Here's what family enmeshment means, what it looks like, and how to look for signs of enmeshment in our relationships with our kids.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The family systems theory and how it relates to enmeshment
- How clear boundaries create safety in relationships
- How enmeshment in family dynamics affects stress tolerability
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Melissa Porrey for VeryWell: What Is Enmeshment, and How Do You Set Boundaries?
- Sharon Martin, for Psych Central: The Enmeshed Family System: What It Is and How to Break Free
- Jesse L. Coe et. al for Journal of Family Psychology: Family Cohesion and Enmeshment Moderate Associations between Maternal Relationship Instability and Children’s Externalizing Problems
- Our Fresh Take with Gabor Maté and Gordon Neufeld, authors of Hold On to Your Kids: WHY PARENTS NEED TO MATTER MORE THAN PEERS
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, cognitive labor, emotional labor, mental load, second shift, family meeting, partners, marriage, spouse, relationships, couples, enmeshment, family enmeshment
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DEEP DIVE: Does Having Kids Make Us Happy?
This month's Deep Dive series is all about how much fun we are—or aren't—having while raising our kids. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
The world wants us to believe that having kids will bring us untold happiness. It's a love you've never known! Your life will never be the same! The reality is a little more complicated, and that can be quite confusing. As psychologist Jean Twenge points out, "Parents might believe that it's their fault when the transition to parenthood is difficult, rather than seeing it as something that everyone experiences."
So: does having kids make us happy? Is that even the right question? Is it supposed to? Are the benefits that come from parenting different, and perhaps larger, than happiness?
Here are links to some writing and studies on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Paul Bloom for The Atlantic: What Becoming a Parent Really Does to Your Happiness
- Dan Kahneman et al: A survey method for characterizing daily life experience: the day reconstruction method
- Roudi Nazarina Roy et al: Effects of Expected and Perceived Division of Childcare and Household Labor on Mother’s Relationship Satisfaction during Their Transition to Parenthood
- E.E. LeMasters: Parenthood as Crisis
- M. Luhmann et al: Subjective well-being and adaptation to life events: A meta-analysis.
- Jay Belsky et al: Patterns of Marital Change across the Transition to Parenthood: Pregnancy to Three Years Postpartum
- Jean M. Twenge et al: Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review
- Rainer Maria Rilke: “Go To The Limits of Your Longing”
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty, fun with kids, fun parenting
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Fresh Take: Jenny Wood
How can moms feel empowered to make progress towards their personal and professional goals? Jenny Wood, author of the new book WILD COURAGE, offers tips for applying courage in your daily life, balancing personal ambitions with family responsibilities, and setting healthy boundaries.
In her 18 years at Google, Jenny Wood grew from entry-level to executive. Jenny’s writing has been featured in Harvard Business Review, Entrepreneur, Inc., and Forbes.
Jenny and Margaret discuss:
- The nine negative adjectives women are often labeled as and how Jenny flips them in her book
- How to differentiate between the "truths" and the "tales" you tell yourself about a situation
- The very small ways you can start to exhibit courage in your everyday life
Here's where you can find Jenny:
- www.itsjennywood.com
- @itsjennywood on IG and @jennyilles on LinkedIn
- Buy WILD COURAGE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593717646
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Family Meetings (and Why You Should Do Them)
Does your quality time with your spouse sometimes/always devolve into discussions about finances, kids, or future plans? Here's how focused weekly meetings—both for our partnerships and for our families—can strengthen, deepen, and save the sanity of our relationships.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How marriage/family check-ins improve the day-to-day health of relationships
- Best practices for successful marriage/family check-ins
- How they tailor their own marriage/family check-ins to work for them
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- MARRIAGE MEETINGS FOR LASTING LOVE by Marcia Naomi Berger
- Brett and Kate McKay for Art of Manliness: How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting
- Julia Ries for Self: Scheduling a Weekly ‘House Meeting’ With My Partner Changed My Damn Life
- Jo Piazza for Bustle: The HR-ification Of Marriage
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, cognitive labor, emotional labor, mental load, second shift, family meeting, marriage meeting, family check-in, marriage check-in, relationship check-in, partners, marriage, spouse, relationships, couples
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
DEEP DIVE: Is There Just Too Much Information?
This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist.
“Information overload” is defined as the tipping point when the input of information exceeds an individual’s capacity to process it all. When we begin to feel overwhelmed and stressed by the amount of information that is available, we can end up feeling more stressed and overwhelmed than knowledgeable.
For parents, the urge to find certainty through online research—only to end up feeling even less certain—is particularly common. How can we make the constant availability of information, useful and otherwise, work for us rather than against?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How "information overload" can reduce decision-making abilities
- Whether obsessive internet searching is the result, or cause, of low self-confidence in parents
- How to know your limits, and then set them
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Terese Glatz and Melissa A. Lippold. “Is more information always better? Associations among parents’ online information searching, information overload, and self-efficacy.” International Journal of Behavioral Development.
- Jessica Runberg for The Washington Post: Is crowdsourced parenting eroding confidence?
- Cara Goodwin for Psychology Today: New Study: Information Overload for Parents
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, stress, news, current events, world affairs, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Mary Catherine Starr on Truly Sharing the Mental Load in Marriage
Women take on the lion's share of housework in heterosexual partnerships, and that gap in labor becomes a chasm once a child is born. Once Mom is the default parent, it becomes very difficult to even out the distribution of housework and parenting more equally.
Mary Catherine Starr, author of the new book MAMA NEEDS A MINUTE, has renegotiated the distribution of labor in her own marriage post-kids and has tips for how other women can do the same.
Mary Catherine Starr is an artist, graphic designer, and author. Her hugely popular Instagram account @momlife_comics explores motherhood, marriage, and the double standards of parenting.
Mary Catherine and Amy discuss:
- What inspired Mary Catherine to start Mom Life Comics
- Why women usually become the default parent as soon as a baby is born
- Why Mary Catherine's cartoons help women explain the mental load to their partners
Here's where you can find Mary Catherine:
- https://www.marycatherinestarr.com/
- @momlife_comics on IG
- marycatherinestarr.substack.com
- Buy MAMA NEEDS A MINUTE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781797226866
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, cognitive labor, emotional labor, mental load, second shift
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How to Feel Less Starved for Time
As moms, it feels like we're always crunched for time without a moment to ourselves in a given day. And that really takes its toll on our mental health. Here are some tips for getting more "time affluence" in your day—and no, it's not about being more productive! Time affluence is about structuring your to-do list so it feels more manageable and working time for yourself into the fabric of your day-to-day so that you're not going months without any me-time.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- The difference between "time famine" and "time poverty"
- Why modern conveniences haven't given us more leisure time
- What studies show about the relationship between time affluence and happiness
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Wikipedia: Time Affluence
- Ross Bruch for Brown, Brothers, & Harriman Law Firm blog: The Value of Time: Understanding and Maximizing Time Affluence
- Barnaby Lashbrooke for Forbes: This is the Key to Achieving Time Affluence
- Jermaine Archer's TEDTalk: "A Matter of Time"
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, time management, time hacks, life hacks, time affluence,
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
DEEP DIVE: Dealing With Uncertainty as a Parent
This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist.
How do we prepare for a future that isn’t clear? How do we prepare our kids for their future when what that might look like is also unclear?
Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of the parenting journey, but in this episode we’re talking about those really uncertain times: the “this might be nothing, but we’d like to run more tests” times. The “we actually aren’t sure what’s happening here” times. The "this could really go either way" moments in our lives.
In this episode we discuss:
- why parenting through uncertainty is so hard
- how these times have played out in our own lives
- why “just try not to think about it!” is terrible advice
- why the things we do to reduce our uncertainty can sometimes backfire
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Mark Freeston et al: Towards a model of uncertainty distress in the context of Coronavirus (Covid-19)
- Nabi Nazari and Mark Griffiths: Using Fear and Anxiety Related to COVID-19 to Predict Cyberchondria: Cross-sectional Survey Study
- Victoria Maxwell for Psychology Today: 6 Ways to Increase Uncertainty Tolerance
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, stress, news, current events, world affairs, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Nicole Graev Lipson
How can women grapple with society's unattainable standards for beauty, femininity, and motherhood? Nicole Graev Lipson, author of the new book MOTHERS AND OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, discusses how she has started to divorce herself from these ideas and get more comfortable with uncertainty.
Nicole Graev Lipson's essays have appeared in The Best American Essays 2024, The Sun, Virginia Quarterly Review, The Gettysburg Review, River Teeth, Fourth Genre, The Boston Globe, and more.
Nicole, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- The role that mothers are expected to play
- How society treats aging women as invisible
- How Nicole learned to sit with her own uncertainty about parenting
Here's where you can find Nicole:
- nicolegraevlipson.com
- @nglipson on IG and @NicoleGLipson on X
- Buy MOTHERS AND OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781797228563
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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BEST OF: So What Do You Do All Day?
If you're a stay-at-home parent, how do you answer to the people who frequently– and annoyingly– ask, "So, what do you do all day?"
A listener in our Facebook group posted?
"During Covid, I quit my job and I’ve been home. I drive my kids to school, work out, and manage the house and family. I’m very happy and fulfilled, especially knowing that my eldest will be leaving for college soon, I’m soaking up this time. My problem is trying to explain this to others. I have a good college degree and worked in a decent field before I quit. I guess I feel pressure to work and use my skills. One well-intentioned retired woman at my gym was actually trying to figure out how I can not drive my kids to school so that I could go back to work. I’ve even considered lying and saying I work part time at home to get people off my case."
A pre-pandemic Gallup analysis 60,000 women in the U.S. revealed that more than a quarter of SAHMs report feeling depressed. The researchers suggested that “societal recognition of the difficult job stay-at-home mothers have raising children would perhaps help support them emotionally.” Don't stay up waiting for that to happen. America’s mothers have continued to say that society is not supporting them.
Do we just decide not to let these misperceptions of stay-at-home parenthood bother us? Do we fight back, bring lists, demand the respect that our hard work deserves? Will that get us anywhere?
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our episode with Laura Vanderkam on time management for moms
- Laura's piece: "The working stay-at-home mom"
- Motherly’s 2022 State of Motherhood Survey Report
- Consider This on NPR: The Great Resignation: Why People Are Leaving Their Jobs In Growing Numbers
- Gallup: Stay-at-Home Moms Report More Depression, Sadness, Anger
- Emily Glover for Motherly: It’s harder than ever before for families to get by on a single income
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, stress, news, current events, world affairs, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty
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DEEP DIVE: Brave Parenting in a Scary World
This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist.
Gloria DeGaetano, parenting expert and founder of the Parent Coaching Institute, recently wrote: "There's almost not a word to express the stress parents are under right now. 'Overwhelmed' doesn't cut it. It's beyond anything we've ever experienced."
This really is a strange and scary moment for all of us, and parenting through our own anxiety is proving a special challenge.
In this episode we discuss how to parent bravely–which doesn't mean parenting in denial but does mean creating emotional safety for our families even when we don't have all the answers.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Kidpower.org: How To Choose Safety in Scary Times
- Ariana Eunjung Cha for Washington Post: ‘It’s like a fire alarm every day’
- Alison Snyder et al for Axios: Parents Aren't All Right
- Fresh Take: Christina Hillsberg on How Being a Spy Prepared Her For Parenting
- Helping Kids Feel Secure In a Scary World (With Guest Dr. Abigail Gewirtz)
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, stress, news, current events, world affairs, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty
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Fresh Take: Melanie Shankle
How do we navigate raising children when we were not set a good example by our parents? Melanie Shankle, author of the new book HERE BE DRAGONS, discusses how we can disrupt the harmful parenting patterns that we grew up with and do better by our own children.
Melanie Shankle is the New York Times bestselling author of several books, co-host of the podcast, The Big Boo Cast, and creator of The Big Mama blog.
Melanie, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- What Melanie's relationship with her own mother taught her about parenting
- When to know if your kids need your help navigating a situation
- Modeling the importance of female friendships for our kids
Here's where you can find Melanie:
- @Melanieshankle on IG and @BigMama on X
- https://thebigmamablog.com
- Listen to Melanie's podcast The Big Boo Cast
- Buy HERE BE DRAGONS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593601204
Listen to our Fresh Take with Judith Warner, author of AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, kids anxiety, anxiety, worry, stress, generational trauma, harmful parenting pattern
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What We Call "People Pleasing" Might Really Be Something Else
"People pleaser" is usually both a gendered and pejorative term. Some people really do love taking on the lion's share of work in a given situation. Some people do it but are secretly resentful that they always have to spearhead endless event planning, committees, and get togethers. Here's what "people pleasing" really means and how to unwind yourself from it if it's getting to be too much.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The actual definition of people pleasing versus how it's commonly used
- Demand sensitivity and how it relates to people-pleasing
- How to differentiate between people-pleasing and altruism
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Gary Trosclair for The Healthy Compulsive Project: What, Exactly, Do They Want From You? How The Demand Sensitivity Lens Mucks Up Our Lives
- Nick North on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights - the Number System
- Reddit: The Term "People Pleaser"
- Allyson Chiu for the Washington Post: How to Know If You're a People-Pleaser and What to Do About It
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, gender roles, gender equity, gender stereotypes
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HAPPY TO HELP free audiobook preview from libro.fm!
The audiobook reviews of HAPPY TO HELP (written and read by our own Amy Wilson!) are in, and they're amazing. Libro.fm has chosen Happy to Help as a "Bookseller Pick," and this week they're giving What Fresh Hell listeners a free audiobook chapter! It's Amy's favorite essay in HAPPY TO HELP, and in the intro she explains why.
Libro.fm's review comes from a bookseller at Alexandria on Main in Elkins, WV:
“Did we just become best friends? I mean, seriously Amy, you absolutely nailed type A extrovert motherhood. I usually shy away from memoirs and from essay collections…and I’m thrilled to have made myself start your book. Once I did, you could not have pulled my attention away! MUST READ THIS BOOK!”
And Candace Smith's review for Booklist says: "The author shines as a reader and her performance adds so much to the text. The essays become private conversations with the listener that spark both laughter and tears."
Enjoy what you hear? Get HAPPY TO HELP at libro.fm, on Bookshop, or wherever you buy books!
libro.fm: https://www.libro.fm/audiobooks/9781958506813-happy-to-help?srsltid=AfmBOorRT_lc3J0m1tRLPhvdebMqud1h-mW_l_n5Y1sUoWUxWTA-y8TA
Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781958506790
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DEEP DIVE: When It's Okay To Be Emotional In Front of Our Kids
This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist.
Is it okay for us to be emotional in front of our kids?
Julie, one of our podcast listeners, asked this question in our Facebook group:
Is it good for kiddos to see their moms have emotions? And how can we talk through our emotions with our kids? My grandmother lost her husband when my dad was 11 years old. She had four kids, no job. She had to take care of everything. Once I asked her how she coped with all of that, and she said she just held it together, always, except when she cried in the shower at night. At first, I thought, wow, how strong of her. Now that I have kids, I kind of wonder: is shower crying always good? Never good? Sometimes good?
Shower crying is definitely better than swallowing emotions entirely. And there are times when our emotions, and/or the situations causing them, are too unsettling for our kids to handle. Sometimes it's good for kids to see our emotions, but we shouldn't be asking kids to hold them for us.
But studies show that children whose mothers express emotions like sadness or loneliness in their presence are more emotionally literate as they grow. By serving as “emotional coaches” for our kids, and modeling how we process difficult moments in our own lives, we can raise kids more able to handle such moments themselves.
In this episode we discuss when it’s okay to be emotional in front of our kids, why suppressing our emotions entirely might not work as well as we think it does, and when shower cries are most certainly called for. Good news: we don't have to fear that showing our vulnerability is a bad thing.
Our listener Jennifer summed it up best: "I don’t hide the most intense parts of being human from the very people I’m trying to help on their journey as humans.”
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- John Lamble for The Conversation: Should you hide negative emotions from children?
- Gottman Institute: Parental Meta-Emotion Philosophy and the Emotional Life of Families
- Bonnie Le for Personality and Social Psychology: The Costs of Suppressing Negative Emotions and Amplifying Positive Emotions During Parental Caregiving
- Judy Dunn and Jane Brown for Developmental Psychology: Family Talk About Feeling States and Children's Later Understanding Of Others' Emotions
- Woody Harrelson explains how to handle unpleasant emotions on Cheers
- "Turn it Off" from The Book of Mormon
- Toilet-Training Toddler Declares, 'I Didn't Poop, I Peed!'
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, stress, news, current events, world affairs, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty
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Fresh Take: Renee Reina, "The Mom Room"
How do social media influencers themselves manage their expectations around parenting and their consumption of parenting content online? Renee Reina, creator and host of the "Mom Room" podcast, discusses how her ADHD diagnosis, her PhD in psychology, and her social media presence all shape her parenting.
Renee, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How parenting norms have changed since they were children
- How Renee's ADHD diagnosis has impacted her work and her parenting
- How Renee manages her consumption of social media as a content creator herself
Renee Reina is the creator and host of The Mom Room. She also has a wildly popular Instagram following and a PhD in psychology.
Here's where you can find Renee:
- @thereneereina & @themomroom on IG
- Listen to The Mom Room podcast
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, kids anxiety, anxiety, worry, stress, ADHD, moms with ADHD, kids with ADHD, ADHD diagnosis, social media content, content creator, social media influencer
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We Settle Your Arguments (Part 2)
Did you know? Happy to Help is available on Audible- with Amy doing the narration!
Should you brush your teeth with hot or cold water? Do you cut sandwiches horizontally or diagonally? How tightly should you screw on jar lids?
We asked our listeners for their most longstanding, totally low-stakes disagreements with their spouse or parenting partner. And there were just too many juicy arguments for one episode! Here's part two of our final rulings on important topics.
Join our Facebook group and be part of our next episode!
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips,
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
DEEP DIVE: Changing the Stories We Tell Ourselves
This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
We are the protagonist in our own story, but what happens when we become the antagonist in stories we weren't even aware of? Or when we assign antagonist roles to unsuspecting partners or kids? Amy and Margaret discuss why we as humans need to tell ourselves stories, when the stories we tell ourselves might stop serving us, and how we can change the stories we tell ourselves.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- why our brains are willing to ignore what doesn't fit our preconceived narratives
- the concept of cognitive mediation, which is how stories are created
- "taking things less personally" and the better approach to avoid feeling wounded by others' stories
- how to rediscover the agency we have over the stories we tell ourselves
Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Esther Perel: How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Can Make or Break Us
- Kyle Benson for The Gottman Institute: There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid
- Carl Alviani for Medium: The Science Behind Storytelling
- Kendall Haven: Your Brain on Story
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain
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Fresh Take: Ashley Graber and Maria Evans on Raising Calm Kids
Anxiety is diagnosed much more frequently than it used to be; that goes for our kids as well. Our parental instincts are usually to reassure them, but as it turns out, that actually isn't the solution to making them worry less.
Ashley Graber and Maria Evans, child and family psychotherapists and authors of the new book RAISING CALM KIDS IN A WORLD OF WORRY, explain how to have tough conversations with your child, and how to teach your child coping skills for their anxiety.
In this episode Ashley, Maria, and Margaret discuss:
- Why kids are more anxious these days
- The S.A.F.E.R parenting method
- How to talk to your children about their worries
Here's where you can find Ashley and Maria:
- www.ashleygrabertherapy.com/books-and-media
- www.mariaevanstherapy.com/book
- @ashleygraber1 and @mariaevanstherapy on IG
- Buy RAISING CALM KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780143137795
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, kids anxiety, anxiety, worry, stress
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We Settle Your Arguments (Part 1)
Did you know? Happy to Help is available on Audible- with Amy doing the narration!
Should ketchup be refrigerated? Is dryer-lint cleaning a before or after job? We asked our listeners for their most longstanding, totally low-stakes disagreements with their spouse or parenting partner.
In this episode, we render judgments. People, we're calling balls and strikes. Our determinations are final. Join our Facebook group and be part of our next episode!
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips,
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
DEEP DIVE: Is This a Midlife Crisis?
This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
What does it mean to have a midlife crisis? What exactly counts as "midlife," and (yikes) are we already in it? Can we avoid the disenchantment and the rash decision-making that stereotypically accompany such times in our lives?
A listener in our Facebook group asked:
"Who has been thru their midlife crisis and how did you deal? Turning 40 next week has me feeling like I've wasted my life. Can I get over the what-ifs?"
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How American culture has changed its views on aging
- Why women and men experience midlife crises differently
- Why the age of your children might be the thing triggering your crisis
Here are links to some of the resources discussed in the episode:
- Howard P. Chudacoff: How old are you? Age consciousness in American culture
- Laurence Steinberg: Crossing Paths: How Your Child's Adolescence Triggers Your Own Crisis
- Mark Jackson: Life begins at 40: the demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events:
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain
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Fresh Take: Neha Ruch, "The Power Pause"
So many women feel that when they leave the workforce to become a stay-at-home parent, "Mom" becomes their primary and only identity. But Neha Ruch, author of the new book THE POWER PAUSE, reframes the shift from paid work to stay-at-home parenting—and sometimes back to the workforce— in a way that expands identity and possibilities for women going through these transitions.
Neha, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Why the period of "stay at home momness" can be a great challenge to identity
- How the Power Pause stands in contrast to the way moms are seen when they stop working
- Practical tips for resigning strategically when leaving the workforce
- How to grow and learn during a power pause—and why it's not really a resume gap
Here's where you can find Neha:
- https://www.motheruntitled.com
- @motheruntitled on Instagram
- Buy THE POWER PAUSE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593716182
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain, the power pause, redefining motherhood
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Multitasking: Turns Out We’re ALL Bad At It
We're talking about some of the topics in Amy Wilson's new book HAPPY TO HELP. Get it in our Bookshop bookstore, or wherever you buy books!
Ask most people if women are "just better" at multitasking, and they'll probably agree. Didn't some study say that at some point? Aren't women from Venus and men from Mars? Aren't our brains completely different?
Here's what the research really says about multitasking. Turns out we may have been bamboozled into doing more work all this time WITHOUT being any better at it.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why multitasking feels good sometimes
- Why women may be better at it only because they have more practice
- How attempting to multitask actually makes us less productive
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- D. Ren, H. Zhou and X. Fu, "A Deeper Look at Gender Difference in Multitasking: Gender-Specific Mechanism of Cognitive Control," for Fifth International Conference on Natural Computation.
- @meglskalla on TikTok: "Testing the 'Men Can't Multitask' Theory on My Husband"
- "Mythbusters" Season 14 Episode 5: "Battle of the Sexes Round 2"
- Olivia Petter for The Independent: "Multitasking inhibits productivity, research claims"
- Leah Ruppanner for The Conversation: "Women aren’t better multitaskers than men – they’re just doing more work"
- Hirsch P, Koch I, Karbach J (2019) "Putting a stereotype to the test: The case of gender differences in multitasking costs in task-switching and dual-task situations."
- Stoet, G., O’Connor, D.B., Conner, M. et al. for BMC Psychology: "Are women better than men at multi-tasking?"
- Sir Ken Robinson's TEDTalk: "Do Schools Kill Creativity?"
- The Miss Perceived podcast with Leah Ruppanner
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain
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DEEP DIVE: When It's Time To Pivot
Amy Wilson's book Happy to Help is out now and available wherever you buy books!
Join Amy and Margaret in Philadelphia and San Antonio in February 2025 for their latest "What Fresh Hell Live!" shows. For tickets, head to bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour.
This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
For moms who want to make a change, whether it's returning to an old career after a break, or forging a entirely new path, Amy and Margaret are here to tell you: it's possible, and it can be a time that feels like possibility instead of a series of closed doors.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Their own (multiple) experiences with pivoting
- How the pandemic has affected working moms
- The challenges of reentering the workforce after being a stay-at-home parent for some time
The first step to pivoting? Uncovering what you really want in this next stage of your professional life, which will take some time and reflection. Think big.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the show:
- Caroline Fairchild for Working Together: "Nearly half of mothers work, take a break, and work again. Why is there still such a stigma?"
- Jamie Birt for Indeed: "9 Tips for Stay-at-Home Parents Re-Entering the Workforce"
- Misty L. Heggeness et. al: "Tracking Job Losses for Mothers of School-Age Children During a Health Crisis"
- Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love
Sign up for our newsletter here!
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain
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Fresh Take: Norah Lally
How do our experiences in our families of origin shape our own parenting style? Norah Lally, author of the new book BACK TO BAINBRIDGE—and Margaret's best friend!—discusses her own experiences of becoming a mother to three children, born in very different circumstances.
Norah Lally is a New York-born, Los Angeles-based writer. Her debut novel, Back to Bainbridge, was selected as an Editor’s Pick by BookLife at Publishers Weekly.
Here's where you can find Norah:
- www.norahlally.com
- @norahlallywrites on IG
- @BacktoBainbridge on FB
- Buy BACK TO BAINBRIDGE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781647048723
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, #NorahLally #BacktoBainbridge #AbbeyGlenPress #BookLaunch #ReadersFavorite #FiveStars #MustRead #ReadersChoice #EditorsPick #FamilyFirst #HealthyCommunication #FriendshipGoals #MentalHealthMatters #HealingJourney #FamilyStruggles #CityStory #YouthBooks #MiddleGradeFiction #BronxStory #DiverseNeighborhoods #CommunityLove #MiddleGradeReads #HeartFeltStories #NewAuthor #CityKids #NYCLove #BooksWorthReading #DebutNovel
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Our 2/1 "Back-to-Ones" for 2025
You can find Amy's new book HAPPY TO HELP in hardcover, paperback, Ebook, and audiobook (read by Amy !) at bit.ly/happytohelpamazon or wherever you buy books!
Have you already failed at achieving your lofty New Year's Resolutions that you set for 2025? The problem isn't you. It's that year after year we resolve to fix the same things about ourselves once and for all, rather than accept that what we really need are gentle resets—consistent, continuous, and without the feeling bad about ourselves part.
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- where "back-to-ones" come from (Hollywood, believe it or not)
- why back-to-ones are better than goals
- how to reset our habits "back to one" and stop punishing ourselves for not being perfect
- our own "back to ones" for 2025
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, meal prepping, time management, new year, resolutions, positive psychology
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DEEP DIVE: How Motherhood Changes Us
Amy Wilson's book Happy to Help is out now and available wherever you buy books!
Join Amy and Margaret in Philadelphia and San Antonio in February 2025 for their latest "What Fresh Hell Live!" shows. For tickets, head to bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour.
This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
Becoming a mother changes everything about us. Literally: the very structure of our brain changes during pregnancy, along with our eyeglass description and our shoe size. That most of us become more hypervigilant and more anxious isn't a personal failing– it's a biological imperative. But while the ways motherhood has changed us may be very natural, that doesn't mean those transitions were always easy.
In this episode we discuss how motherhood has changed us, how it's also made us more aware of who we always were, and how giving ourselves grace about those changes has been what has always gotten us through.
Here are links to some research- and a few of our other episodes- that are worth your time on this topic:
- Adrienne LaFrance: What Happens to a Woman’s Brain When She Becomes a Mother
- Fresh Take: Janice Johnson Dias on Raising Joyful, Change-Making Kids
- Fresh Take: Dr. Christine Koh On Building a Family After Adverse Childhood Experiences
- Our episode Did We Really Do That?
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain
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Fresh Take: Nancy Reddy on "The Good Mother Myth"
Many of us grew up believing in that women are particularly biologically designed to nurture—which means that a mother will immediately and instinctively know how to parent, be better at it than the other adults around her and the baby, and that she'd really prefer to do the caretaking work on her own.
Nancy Reddy says all of that is THE GOOD MOTHER MYTH, and in her new book, uncovers the shoddy and old-fashioned science beneath our bad ideas about how to be a good mom.
In this interview, Nancy and Amy discuss:
- where the "good mother myth" originated
- how being a good mother is all-encompassing so that we never lift our heads to see the larger picture or argue for structural, societal change
- how the expectation that mothers can or should do it all harms all parents
Here's where you can find Nancy:
- www.nancyreddy.com
- @nancy.o.reddy on IG
- @nancy_reddy on X
- Subscribe to the "Write More, Be Less Careful" newsletter at nancyreddy.substack.com
- Buy THE GOOD MOTHER MYTH: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250336644
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain, child development research, motherhood research, motherhood myths, #thegoodmothermyth #alreadygreat #givingupongoodness #lessadvicemoresupport #fewerexpertsmorecommunity
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400 Just-Us Episodes! Looking Back, Looking Forward
Happy to Help is available wherever you buy books, and at bit.ly/whatfreshhellamazon. Did you know Amy narrates the audiobook?
This episode marks number 400 of Amy-and-Margaret conversations on "What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood." (There are also hundreds of "Fresh Take" interviews with experts and guests!)
We're here this episode to reflect on the lessons learned and challenges faced along the way. We discuss:
- Our biggest parenting takeaways from eight years of this podcast
- How parenting has changed since we started observing it closely
- The things we thought were true about parenting that just did not match up
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain, parenting myths
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DEEP DIVE: Handling the News with Our Kids
We’re sharing this excellent list of resources to support those affected by the California fires. This list was created by writer Sari Botton @saribotton:
- World Central Kitchen, providing meals in the area.
- Donate a Meal
- Mutual Aid Network L.A.
- GoFundMe
- Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation’s Wildfire Fund
- Project Hope (“actively distributing hygiene kits to displaced families and children, procuring high-need items for shelters and health clinics, supporting health workers administering care to people affected, and mobilizing mental health support in response to the historic fires…“)
- Greater Good Charities (helping people and pets, with donations matched)
- National Council of Jewish Women (collecting clothes, toys, hygiene products and funds).
- California Community Foundation Wildlife Recovery Fund
- Pasadena Humane Society, boarding displaced pets and supplying pet food and medical care.
- Friends In Deed Pasadena
- Displaced Black Families
- Displaced Latine Families Mutual Aid Directory
- Displaced Filipino Families Mutual Directory
- Master List Displaced Families Mutual Aid
- Displaced Disabled Folks
- California Fire Foundation
- Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation
- Direct Relief
We're also offering a replay of this episode from 2021, on how to discuss the news with our kids.
These days, even the littlest children might see a stray notification on a parent's phone, or overhear something scary from someone else's screen. A lot of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. But if we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information.
We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids?
- NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary
- Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know. Please Don't Tell Me
- Common Sense Media: Best News Sources for Kids
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, news, news with kids, current events, current affairs, LA wildfires, Los Angeles, Los Angeles wildfires
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Fresh Take: Mallory Thomas on How to Get Off Our Phones
We've been talking about it on the podcast a ton recently: we need to spend less time on our phones. But willpower doesn't work, at least not for long. Writer and influencer Mallory Thomas, author of the romantic novel SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, explains the science behind our phone addiction and the strategies she put in place that actually worked.
In this episode Mallory, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- The "aha" moment when Mallory realized she had to decrease her screen time
- Understanding the dopamine rush behind endless scrolling
- Strategies that didn't work, and then what actually did, to help Mallory curb her phone usage
Here's where you can find Mallory:
- @mallorythomas_writes on IG, TikTok, and YouTube
- #whereisyoursomewhere
- www.mallorythomas.com
- Buy SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798991499903
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, life tips, useful tips, screentime, kids screentime, screens, phones, smartphones, decrease screentime
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"Are You Mad at Me?" When Kids Live to Please
Get Amy Wilson's new book HAPPY TO HELP at bit.ly/happytohelpamazon or wherever you buy books!
It's a good thing to be aware of the emotions and needs of the people around us. For some kids, it can tip into hypersensitivity to others' emotions, people-pleasing behaviors, and asking if people are mad at them approximately twenty times a day. How can we help? (And is it way worse for girls?)
In this episode, hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables discuss:
- What empirical studies of gender differences in emotion really show
- How empathy can correlate with social anxiety
- Strategies for highly empathetic people to disentangle themselves from others' emotions
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our "How to Yell Less" episode
- Toni Bernhard J.D. for Psychology Today: It's Time to Stop Taking Things Personally
- Connie Chang for Parents Magazine: How to Help Your Sensitive, Deeply Feeling Kid Handle an Overwhelming World
- Kateri McRae et. al in Group Processes & Intergroup Relations Journal: Gender Differences in Emotion Regulation: An fMRI Study of Cognitive Reappraisal
- Athena Chan for The International Business Times: Are Women More Emotional Than Men? Not Really, Study Finds
- Kim Elsesser for Forbes Magazine: Labeling Women As ‘Emotional’ Undermines Their Credibility, New Study Shows
- Teresa J. Frasca et. al for Psychology of Women Quarterly: Words Like Weapons: Labeling Women As Emotional During a Disagreement Negatively Affects the Perceived Legitimacy of Their Arguments
- Zawn Villines for Medical News Today: Empaths and anxiety: Is there a link?
- Merle-Marie Pittelkow et. al for Journal of Anxiety Disorders: Social Anxiety and Empathy: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis
- Sohee Jun for Forbes Magazine: Ways to Stop People-Pleasing
Subscribe to Amy's Substack for more about Happy to Help: amywilsonauthor.substack.com
Join Amy at one of her HAPPY TO HELP launch events, regularly updated at http://bit.ly/happytohelpevents.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, gender roles, gender equity, gender stereotypes
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DEEP DIVE: Minor, Life-Changing Tips
This month's Deep Dive series is all about useful tips we've acquired over the years! Listen to the whole series on this Spotify playlist.
We asked our listeners what minor and yet life-changing advice they have to offer. From bringing Sharpies everywhere, to cleaning the shower in the shower, to milkshakes after doctors' appointments, our lives just got a whole lot better!
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- The correct way to boil corn
- What really goes in the glove compartment (not gloves)
- Amy's meet-cute with her husband
- "Let's Make a Deal"
Links!
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, life tips, useful tips
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Fresh Take: Tyler Moore, "Tidy Dad"
Where do we even start when we feel like we're drowning in too much stuff? Tyler Moore, better known on Instagram as @tidydad, and author of the new book TIDY UP YOUR LIFE, discusses tips on dealing not only with clutter, but with the emotions that accompany it.
Tyler and Amy discuss:
- Keeping only what supports your current life, freeing up space for what matters
- How to divide decluttering into seasons
- Why "easily tidied," and not "always tidied," is the real goal
Here's where you can find Tyler:
- www.thetidydad.com
- @tidydad on IG
- @thetidydad on TikTok
- #tidyupyourlife
- Buy TIDY UP YOUR LIFE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593797839
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, time management, new year, resolutions, positive psychology, clutter clearing, clutter, tidying, tidy up, tidy up your life, tidy up your life book, tidy dad, tuyl book
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Amy Wilson, "Happy to Help"
In celebration of the launch of her new book, HAPPY TO HELP, in this episode Margaret gives Amy the interview treatment!
Amy tells all about the process of writing this book, the hard times that really put her parenting to the test, and her eventual discovery that putting our own needs lower and lower down our list of priorities will never work well enough to forever-fix everything around us.
You can find HAPPY TO HELP in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook (read by Amy !) at bit.ly/happytohelpamazon or wherever you buy books!
Subscribe to Amy's Substack for more about Happy to Help: amywilsonauthor.substack.com
Join Amy at one of her HAPPY TO HELP launch events, regularly updated at http://bit.ly/happytohelpevents.
Find all the HAPPY TO HELP launch events at www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/tourdates/
And if you'd like to choose HAPPY TO HELP for your book club and have Amy join you live or over Zoom to discuss, send an email to hello@amywilson.com.
Here's where to find more about Amy:
@amywlsn on Instagram
@amywilsonauthor on Tiktok
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
#happytohelpbook
memoir, new books, new release, women's lives, essays, people pleasing, perfectionist, type c, chronic illness
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DEEP DIVE: The Most Important Things We've Learned (So Far)
This month's Deep Dive series is all about useful tips we've acquired over the years! Listen to the whole series on this Spotify playlist.
Happy 6th Anniversary to What Fresh Hell! In six years of doing this podcast, we've learned a lot, changed our minds, and watched our kids grow. This week we're talking about the most important things we've learned over the last six years, and what a privilege it is to be part of this incredible podcast community. Thanks for listening!
Here are some things we talk about in this episode:
- Fresh Take: Helena Andrews-Dyer on Learning From Moms Not Like Us
- Fresh Take: Dr. Becky Goodman on Being "Good Inside"
- Faberge Organics Hairspray commercial (tell two friends!)
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering,
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BEST OF: Fresh Take: Amanda Montell and the Age of Magical Overthinking
Cognitive biases are self-deceptive thought patterns we all use to make sense of the world. In a world that makes less and less sense, Amanda Montell argues, humans have become more irrational than ever. In her new book THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING, Montell explains how our brains' coping mechanisms have become overloaded—and how to slow down our panic responses when the world becomes too overwhelming.
Amanda, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How magical overthinking has manifested from the modern age of mass information overload and an epidemic of loneliness
- The types of cognitive biases that comprise magical overthinking, such as the sunk cost fallacy, the halo effect, and proportionality bias
- Strategies to combat the negative effects of magical overthinking
Here's where you can find Amanda:
- https://amandamontell.com/
- @amanda_montell on IG
- Buy THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668007976
- Listen to the "Sounds Like a Cult" podcast
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities,
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BEST OF: What We're Taking Into The New Year (with Life Coach Ann Imig)
How can positive psychology help us create more of what we want for ourselves in this new year? Life coach Ann Imig takes Margaret and Amy through some of her coursework and tells us how to connect our already-existing personality strengths to more joy and well-being.
Ann Imig is an award-winning writer, speaker, and performer, currently working as a certified positive psychology life coach. In 2010 she created the nationwide storytelling series and book titled Listen to Your Mother.
Ann, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
-taking stock of the previous year and using that knowledge to create what's next
-how the character strengths quiz can help you create more well-being
-how to get more of what we want in 2025
Here's where you can find Ann Imig:
-Get a free 30-minute consultation with Ann!
-Preview the "Year BEGIN" Workshop
-Listen to Ann's podcast "It's Pronounced Memwah" with Wendy Aarons and Mariana Olenko
-Take the character strengths quiz: https://viacharacter.org/
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, meal prepping, time management, new year, resolutions, positive psychology
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DEEP DIVE: The Most Useful Parenting Tips We Learned in 2023
This month's Deep Dive series is all about useful tips we've acquired over the years! Listen to the whole series on this Spotify playlist.
Here are the parenting experts who changed our thinking the most, the listeners who made us laugh the most, and what we're going to carry with us into the new year.
We also shout out the fantastic small team that makes What Fresh Hell and our podcast network, Adalyst Media, run so smoothly. All women, all amazing.
Our listeners are amazing, too. Thank you for being part of our funny, fun, supportive community. If you haven't yet, join our Facebook group, the last good place on the internet: https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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BEST OF: Fresh Take: Erin and Stephen Mitchell, "Too Tired To Fight"
Do you and your partner find yourselves talking past each other when arguing? Erin and Stephen Mitchell, authors of the new book TOO TIRED TO FIGHT, discuss how parenting can impact relationships (including their own!) and strategies to manage conflict and stay connected.
Erin and Stephen Mitchell are the cofounders of Couples Counseling for Parents, a company focused on providing access to research-informed, psychologically sound online education for couples.
Amy, Erin, and Stephen discuss:
- Why fighting between couples often increases once kids come into the picture
- What conflict in a relationship really signifies—and why it's not a bad thing
- Why conflict resolution doesn't have to be dead serious all the time
Here's where you can find Erin and Stephen:
- www.couplescounselingforparents.com
- Buy TOO TIRED TO FIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593714270
- Listen to the "Couples Counselling for Parents" podcast
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, relationships, fighting, couples, marriage, couple arguing, couple fighting, conflict in relationships
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BEST OF: When Typical Parenting Advice Just Doesn't Fit
What happens when the usual parenting advice feels zero-percent applicable to our own situation? The first step is to let go of any "second arrow" self-blame that that is the case. The second step is to chart our own paths.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- What types of kids may not benefit from the one-size-fits-all parenting advice
- Why the concept of default parenting advice is harmful
- Why kids "irritating behaviors" are signs that they are growing and learning appropriately
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Sarah Lyons for Western NY Family Magazine: "One Size Doesn't Fit All"
- Our episode "When Your Kid Doesn't Fit the Mold"
- Jeanie Lerche Davis for WebMD: 10 Commandments of Good Parenting
- Dana Bosu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different
- Andrew Solomon: Far From the Tree
- Ross Greene: The Explosive Child
- Rita Eichenstein: Not What I Expected
- Deborah Reber: Differently Wired
Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen!
Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, meal prepping, time management,
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
HOLIDAY BEST OF: Holiday Fails
We’re rerunning some of our favorite holiday episodes to keep you company while you do all the things this season. Listen to all of our holiday episodes in this Spotify playlist.
Experts say happiness is often purer in the anticipation of an event. The reality can be a little more messy. And at no time of year is that sentiment more true than during the holiday season.
We asked our listeners to tell us their holiday worsts, and in this episode we discuss them all, plus a few of our own. Hams glazed with norovirus! Toddlers sleeping in airports! And of course, everyone's favorite Yuletide treat: The Vomiting Christmas Baby!
And yet those are the holidays we remember best. Which makes it (almost) all worth it.
Think your holiday season has been a little crazy? Hold our eggnog.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Future Fans: helping little kids become BIG fans - https://www.futurefans.com
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Santa, Elf on the Shelf, gift exchange, holiday, holiday shopping, holiday gifts, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,
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Fresh Take: Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop, "The Disengaged Teen"
Are teenagers destined to be bored by high school, or are we missing an important piece of the puzzle? Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop, authors of THE DISENGAGED TEEN, explain what's behind the teen disengagement crisis and how parents can act.
Jenny Anderson is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker with more than 25 years of experience. Rebecca Winthrop is the director of the Center for Universal Education at Brookings and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University.
Jenny, Rebecca, and Margaret discuss:
- The four different modes of learning that teens tend to engage in
- What academic disengagement in a teen really signals about them
- How parents can help their kids get more excited about learning
Here's where you can find Jenny and Rebecca:
- www.jennywestanderson.org
- www.rebeccawinthrop.com
- www.thedisengagedteen.com
- @jennyandersonwrites and @drrebeccawinthrop on IG
- #DisengagedTeen #LearnBetterLiveBetter
- Buy THE DISENGAGED TEEN: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593727072
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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Future Fans: helping little kids become BIG fans: https://www.futurefans.com/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, meal prepping, time management,
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How To Yell Less
SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints.But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have.In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed
- Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective
- Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg
- Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn
- Lisa Belkin for NYT: Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?
- Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: Talking to Your Kids After You Yell
- Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms
- Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids
- Stephen Marche for NYT: Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, meal prepping, time management,
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HOLIDAY BEST OF: It's the Most Everything Time of the Year
We’re rerunning some of our favorite holiday episodes to keep you company while you do all the things this season. Listen to all of our holiday episodes in this Spotify playlist.
Are you juggling “dress as your favorite reindeer” day at preschool with frantic texts from your sister-in-law asking what your spouse wants for Christmas? Are you feeling like hiding under the covers instead of hitting the office holiday party?
It’s the most everything time of the year, and women report the holidays as being far more stressful than men do.
In this episode we discuss how to manage the holiday stress, how to accept the non-cozy feelings that may arise, and why it’s okay to dial back if you’re really not feeling the holiday spirit.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Pooja Lakshmin on Instagram @womensmentalhealthdoc
- Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research: Holiday Stress
- Harvard Medical School: A holiday advisory for your emotions
- Cedars-Sinai Hospital: Depression and Anxiety Around the Holidays
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Santa, Elf on the Shelf, gift exchange, holiday, holiday shopping, holiday gifts, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,
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Fresh Take: Emily and Jason Morrow, "Really Very Crunchy"
Does being a crunchy mom mean milling your own flour and sending your kids to school barefoot? Emily and Jason Morrow, creators of Really Very Crunchy, discuss what inspired them to both embrace and riff on the crunchy lifestyle.
Emily Morrow is a stay-at-home mom who created the social media channel "Really Very Crunchy" with her husband Jason in 2022.
Emily, Jason, and Margaret discuss:
- What the crunchy lifestyle entails and why it's a spectrum
- How Emily and Jason got the inspiration to start Really Very Crunchy
- How to balance your own crunchiness with the lifestyles of your friends and family
Here's where you can find Emily and Jason:
- www.reallyverycrunchy.com
- @reallyverycrunchy on IG, FB, YouTube, and TikTok
- Listen to the Really Very Crunchy Podcast
- Buy Emily's book REALLY VERY CRUNCHY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780310367529
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What Fresh Hell is hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, crunchy lifestyle, organic lifestyle, crunchy mom, crunchy life, really very crunchy podcast
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Should Kids Do Chores?
Engaging in regular household chores is a great way for kids to develop important life skills. But how can we take the time to teach kids how to do these chores while not making laundry day any more hectic than it already is?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How regular chores help kids develop important skills
- Why "noticing" what needs to be done is just as important as actually doing it
- How to pick your battles when it comes to involving little kids in chores
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our Fresh Take with Emily Rubin Persons
- Our Fresh Take with Michaeleen Doucleff
- Life Kit: Raising Kids Who Help with Chores, with Michaeleen Doucleff
- Morgan Music for Scary Mommy: This Mom Is Teaching Her Kids About Invisible Labor Early — Here’s How
- American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Chores and Children
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, chores, kids and chores, teen chores, household labor,
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DEEP DIVE: Are You the 'Good Parent' or the 'Bad Parent' In Your Home?
This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
Are you the “bad parent” in your home? The enforcer of bedtimes, the keeper of deadlines, the stern shusher in the church pew? Or are you the “good parent,” the authority figure more likely to agree that time is a construct and that ice cream not only can, but should, be what’s for dinner?
This week we’re breaking down
- how this dynamic plays out in each of our homes
- whether the primary caregiver has to always be stuck with the Killer of Joy role
- how this can play out when parents are divorced
- how drill sergeants can ease up on the oversight
- how the “good time Charlies” can become more aware
As in most things, change is possible when we watch our stories. These aren’t roles that have to harden in amber and then never change. The Carrier of the Diaper Bag and The Worrier of All Potential Outcomes deserves to kick back once in a while too.
Here are links to some of resources we discuss in the episode:
- Isaac Watts’ poem “Love Between Brothers and Sisters”
- Julia Austin for Madame Noire: How The Good Cop/Bad Cop Parenting Dynamic Ruins Marriages
- James Lehman for Empowering Parents: Good Cop/Bad Cop Parenting
- This clip from the movie The Great Santini
- Our episode Parenting as a Team
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, preferred parent
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Fresh Take: Vanessa Cornell on Putting Ourselves First
What happens when mothers engage in the radical act of putting themselves first? Vanessa Cornell is the founder of NUSHU, a women’s community grounded in wellness and empowerment. In this interview she explains the importance of self-care for mothers, overcoming mom guilt, and nurturing children's independence.
Vanessa and Amy discuss:
- The burnout that led Vanessa to found NUSHU
- Rejecting the "shoulds" as mothers (and women) and how to stay true to your authentic self
- How you can foster independence in your kids
Here's where you can find Vanessa:
- www.vanessacornell.com
- @VanessaCornell on IG
- @NUSHU on IG
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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What Fresh Hell is hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, self-care
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Holiday Goals: Less Doing, More Magic
Today Parents is tackling this same topic this week—and our listeners' advice is quoted! Moms are challenging the idea that they are the sole keepers of holiday ‘magic’
It's hard not to feel like we've got to be doing ALL the things at the holidays, especially when social media tells us we should be. Here are some tips for taking perspective at the holidays and operating in "high magic, low effort" mode.
Co-hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables discuss:
- pre-gaming with your (older) kids about the preferred responses to less-preferred gifts
- starting with what family members really do love most about the holidays (their answers will surprise you)
- why you don't have to go the Nutcracker, or lights at the zoo, or Aunt Martha's house, this year, let alone every year
SNL's "Christmas Morning" sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOVCtUdaMCU
Read all of our listeners' great advice on the original Facebook thread... and here, as promised, is Amy's recipe for the Italian pepper cookies that seem to be unique to northeast Pennsylvania...
Italian Pepper Cookies (makes about 72 cookies, more if they’re small)
- 1/2 cup Crisco
- 2 cups of milk or water (or more if needed) If dough is really sticky you can add a little bit more of milk
- 1/2 lb. raisins
- 1 cup cocoa
- 2 1/2 cups sugar
- 4 tbsp. baking powder
- 7 cups of flour (add more if needed)
- 1 1/2 tsps. cinnamon
- 1 1/2 tsps. cloves (not whole)
- 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
- 1 1/2 tsps. black pepper (if you don't want them too spicy, you can cut back on the pepper, I never do though)
- Optional, you can add nuts or I've seen people add chocolate chips too. We aren't big nut eaters, so I've never made them with nuts.
- Preheat oven to 375
- Cream sugar and Crisco together in a bowl
- In a different bowl, sift together all the dry ingredients. Add sifted dry ingredients to creamed sugar and Crisco alternately with milk.
- Mix well. It will be very sticky, it's easier to work with your hands. I usually coat my hands with some Pam to be able to work the dough. Add your raisins and mix it up more.
- Using your hands, take enough dough to roll a small ball (my mom likes them big, I like them smaller) Place cookie balls on your cookie trays (I usually fit around 16 on a tray, all depends on the size of your cookie balls)
- Bake in oven for 8-10 minutes.
Icing:
- 2 cups confectioner's sugar
- 1 to 2 tablespoons milk
- 1/2 teaspoon butter
- splash vanilla
For icing: Mix together all ingredients, adding milk until achieving creamy consistency, not stiff.
When cookies are slightly cooled, top with icing.
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Santa, Elf on the Shelf, gift exchange, holiday, holiday shopping, holiday gifts, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, holiday recipes
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DEEP DIVE: Two Kinds of People: Family Debates
This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
What are the consistent and ongoing family debates in your household? Our Facebook group came through with their most heated family debate topics, and this week we give the ultimate answer for questions like:
- Should dishes be rinsed clean before they go in the dishwasher?
- Is it acceptable to call someone after 8 pm?
- Is a garage for storing stuff, or for storing cars?
- When you're making a bed, which side is up for the flat sheet?
- What is the correct pronunciation of "Reese's Pieces"?
Here are links to two things we discuss in this episode:
Reese's Pieces ad, 1984 (note the repeated and correct pronunciation)
"Doorbell" by Sebastian Maniscalco
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, family, family dynamics, family debate
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Fresh Take: Charles Bock on Parenting Through Loss
How do we parent when we suddenly find ourselves doing it without our partner? Charles Bock, author of the memoir I WILL DO BETTER, discusses his experiences with fatherhood, grief, and finding strength through monumental challenges.
Charles Bock is the New York Times-bestselling author of the novels Beautiful Children and Alice & Oliver, and a creative writing professor at New York University.
Charles and Amy discuss:
- Charles's initial reluctance towards fatherhood and how his perspective changed over time
- The roles friends and family played in supporting him and his daughter through their first years without Charles's wife
- Advice for writers and individuals facing creative challenges
Here's where you can find Charles:
- www.charlesbock.net
- @bockity on FB
- Buy I WILL DO BETTER: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419774423
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, single dad, single father, single mom, single mother, single parent, single parenthood, spousal loss, loss of husband, loss of wife, parenting with loss, grief, stages of grief, parenting with grief
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The Psychological "Effects" That Shape Our Thinking
Why do we think the way we think? How susceptible are we to influences we don't perceive? In the case of psychological effects, there are proven changes in thinking that occur in individuals or groups that can be attributed to particular causes. In this episode, hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables get into some of their favorites, including:
- placebo (and "nocebo" effect
- near-miss effect
- Martha Mitchell effect
- observer expectancy effect
- name-letter effect
- online disinhibition effect
- Eaton-Rosen effect (Amy always knew this one deep in her bones)
- Dunning-Kruger effect
- Zeigarnik effect
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We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, psychological phenomena
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DEEP DIVE: Taking Care Of Our Parents (And Our Kids)
This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
If you’re part of the “sandwich generation”– taking care of your parents and your children at the same time– you’ve got a lot of company. The demographic trends of starting our own families later, and increasing life expectancies, mean this double-caretaking will become a reality for a lot more of us. And it seems that this responsibility is falling more often on women: two-thirds of people doing the "double caretaking" are female.
In this episode, we discuss how caring for parents can be particularly fraught, whether you’re giving them daily insulin shots or just trying to make sense of their finances every April.
We also discuss the importance of prioritizing our own mental and physical health, even (especially) when there seems to be little time to do so.
Finally, we talk about operating from a place of maximum vulnerability. Realize that you really are doing more than any one person can handle. Get specific about the help you need, and be honest when you’re hitting your limits.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Dorothy A. Miller: The 'sandwich' generation: adult children of the aging
- Jessica Grose for NYT: ‘It’s Pretty Brutal’: The Sandwich Generation Pays a Price
- Katica Roy for Fast Company: I’m a breadwinner mom and this is why helping women in the sandwich generation is good for the U.S. economy
- Michelle Konstantinovsky for One Medical: The Sandwich Generation: Managing Stress While Caring For Others
- Alia E. Dastagir for the Chicago Sun Times: ‘Sandwich generation’ stress: Adults caring for aging parents face stress, frustration
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, sandwich generation, aging parents
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Fresh Take: Chip Leighton, "What Time Is Noon?"
How is it our teens find us so cringe while also depending on us for clothes, shelter, and Chipotle? Chip Leighton, author of the new book WHAT TIME IS NOON, discusses the disconnect between teens' naivete about the world and the ironclad rules of interaction they still see fit to impose upon their parents.
Chip Leighton is creator of The Leighton Show, a hilarious social media platform about parenting and marriage. Its viral videos have been seen more than 250 million times.
Margaret and Chip discuss:
- How vacation is a new location in which your teens will blame you for everything
- Funny mistakes teens make when it comes to cooking, driving, and traveling
- The "horrifying" mistakes parents make when it comes to technology
Here's where you can find Chip:
- theleightonshow.com
- @The_Leighton_Show on TikTok, IG, and FB
- Buy WHAT TIME IS NOON: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781682689240
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, teens, raising teens, teen questions, teenagers
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Why Women Have Less Free Time
A recent report found that the division of home responsibilities is still grossly unequal. Mothers—whether they are married or single—do significantly more than fathers. In fact, the “The Free-Time Gender Gap” report found that “simply being a woman is linked to spending more time on unpaid childcare and household work, and having less free time, even when controlling for age, income, race/ ethnicity, parental status, and marital status."
What does it mean for women to have less free time, and how can we keep working to close the gender gap?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The differences in socialization between men and women when it comes to our living spaces
- How time inequality serves to further reinforce and perpetuate gender inequality
- How "secondary childcare" factors into the free-time gender gap
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Natalia Vega Varela, and Leyly Moridi “The Free-Time Gender Gap: How Unpaid Care and Household Labor Reinforces Women’s Inequality,” Gender Equity Policy Institute, October 2024.
- Allison Daminger for the American Sociological Review: De-gendered Processes, Gendered Outcomes: How Egalitarian Couples Make Sense of Non-egalitarian Household Practices
- Anne Helen Petersen on Substack: What Makes Women Clean
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor,
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We Think You'll Love: "What It's Like To Be" Podcast
We’re excited to share an episode of the podcast “What It’s Like to Be…” from New York Times bestselling business book author Dan Heath.
In every episode, Dan interviews someone from a different profession: a cattle rancher, a FBI special agent, a professional Santa Claus. He asks what it’s like to do what they do. It’s the perfect show to listen to with your kids – it’s family safe but also gives them a preview of different careers, and the kinds of personalities that fit with the work.
Is a Secret Service Agent supposed to pretend like they’re not there when they’re around the president?
What does a hair stylist do when a client asks for a celebrity hairstyle that will never work for them?
In the preview you’re about to hear, you’ll meet a marine biologist who studies manta rays. You’ll hear how drones have changed her work, what it’s like to get to know individual rays, and why people have such a romantic image of being a “Marine Biologist.”
You can find more episodes of “What It’s Like to Be…” wherever you get your podcasts.
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DEEP DIVE: Introverts vs. Extroverts (and Making Room for Both in Your Family)
This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
What makes us introverts or extroverts– and why do so many of us choose our total opposites for our parenting partners? In this episode we talk about the myths of introverts and extroverts, why opposites attract, and how to parent kids who are also your total opposites.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The ways that introverts and extroverts solve problems
- How they navigate being the opposite of their partners
- How to advocate for your kids depending on their social orientation
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Natalie Arroyo Camacho for Well & Good: "3 Obstacles To Expect From an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship—Plus Whether It Can Work at All"
- Rodney B. Lawn et al: "Quiet Flourishing: The Authenticity and Well-Being of Trait Introverts Living in the West Depends on Extraversion-Deficit Beliefs"
- Healthline: "Are You an Extrovert? Here’s How to Tell"
- R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids
- R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Are You Raising An Introvert?
- Are You an Introvert? Take this assessment
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, introvert, extrovert, personality type, personality test, personality assessment
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Fresh Take: Dr. Dan Siegel
What is the "whole-brain perspective" when it comes to parenting, and what does it mean to parent with the brain in mind? Dr. Dan Siegel, founding co-director of the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute, and author of the psychology classic THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD, explains how we can help our kids learn from difficult experiences rather than avoid them.
Dan, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- What whole-brain integration means
- How neurodivergent brains function
- How parents can help their children lead balanced, meaningful, and connected lives
Here's where you can find Dr. Siegel:
- www.drdansiegel.com
- @drdansiegel on social media
- Buy THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780553386691
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, neuroscience, child brain development
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We Regret to Inform You...This Totally Works
What do you do that, goshdarnit, actually works exactly as advertised to make your life better? In this episode, we discuss all the early bedtimes and PT exercises that we find annoyingly effective, plus...
- time management tactics that are frustrating useful
- meal planning methods that work every time (if you do them)
- how to make your phone more boring—and immediately less interesting
Read all of the things that unfortunately work well on the original thread in our Facebook group
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DEEP DIVE: Pushing Kids the Just-Right Amount
This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie.
A listener in our Facebook group asks:
"How do you decide when to push your kids? Like when to go from YMCA basketball to the travel team. Or when to go from regular school to the accelerated program, or the private school that's more rigorous. When to apply for the stretch school or the internship? We don't want to ruin hobbies or turn the stress up to 11, obviously. So how do you know which knob to turn and when to turn it so that their ambition, their ability, and their achievement all line up in perfect balance and harmony?"
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The “optimal push” and how it's different from over-parenting
- Achievement-by-proxy distortion (sing out, Louise!)
- The factors to consider when pushing your child to do something
Ultimately, kids are optimally supported when they believe their parents’ love is not performance-contingent. The answer lies in helping them fulfill their potential without damaging their self-esteem.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Amy Wilson for New York Family: Finding the Optimal Push
- Our episode "How Not To Live Through Our Kids"
- Dr. Eddie Brummelman et al: My Child Redeems My Broken Dreams: On Parents Transferring Their Unfulfilled Ambitions onto Their Child
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem
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Fresh Take: Emily Rubin Persons of Skip Coaching
How can we help our kids prepare to move from a structured high school/ home environment to the less structured and more independent college environment? It starts earlier than you think! Emily Rubin Persons, founder of SKIP Coaching, explains how to help kids build the skills they need from a young age. Emily is a certified ADHD Coach who works with students and adults to build their executive skills and learn to do things in a way that works for their brain.
Here's where you can find Emily:
- www.skipcoaching.com
- @SKIPcoaching on IG
- @EmilyRubinPersons on LinkedIn
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, college, college readiness, learning styles, ADHD, ADHD learning styles, college education, college students, learning differences
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Helping Kids Manage Their Friendships
What do we do as parents when our kids aren't great at making friends, or their friends are outgrowing them, or we feel that their friends are a bad influence?
Sometimes, we're not supposed to do anything at all. Sometimes our kids really need our support. How can we tell the difference?
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- what might contribute to trouble making friends
- the skills kids can develop to become better friends
- what to do when you don't like your kid's friends
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Michelle Icard for CNN: Parents ‘should be seen and not heard’ when it comes to kids and their friendships
- Parenting.org: My Child Has No Friends
- Julia Morrill for Health Matters: How Parents Can Help Their Kids Make Friends
- Lexi Walters Wright for Understood.org: 4 skills for making friends
- Claire McCarthy for Harvard Health Publishing: Helping children make friends: What parents can do
- Kelsey Borresen for HuffPost: What To Do If You Don’t Like Your Kid’s Friend
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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DEEP DIVE: Competition: How Much Is Good For Our Kids?
This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
Does competition have benefits? What level of competition is healthy for our kids? Many of us agree that the stereotypical dad yelling through the fence at T-Ball is taking things a little too seriously. But others say that participation trophies teach our kids to be lazy and therefore represent the ultimate downfall of our civilization. How do we balance the eye of the tiger with just letting our kids play?
In this episode we get to the bottom of why some people are more competitive than others, what the right age is for kids to start learning the lessons of losing, and how competition (when it's done right) can actually teach cooperation and self-regulation.
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- 'Shirtless Tongan' Pita Taufatofua makes Olympic history
- Evolution of competitiveness: Scientists explain diversity in competitiveness
- Byron Heath on Kerri Strug
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Fresh Take: Gabrielle Blair
As moms, we're often given tons of societal pressure on how we have to give our kids all the right things—then told to "chill out" when it comes to the worrying part. Gabrielle Blair, author of the new book THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, is here to tell us that adulthood doesn't look like it used to, and that there are many paths to the success and happiness that all our kids deserve.
Gabrielle Blair is the the founder of DesignMom.com and the author of the New York Times blockbuster bestseller Ejaculate Responsibly.
Gabrielle, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How the idea of the "reliable path to success" is actually harmful for a lot of parents and kids
- Simple (and free/cheap) ways to use your home to create the family life you want
- Why Gabrielle disagrees with the "you only get 18 summers" rhetoric that permeates parenting circles
Here's where you can find Gabrielle:
- designmom.com
- @designmom on IG
- #thekidsareallright #thekidsareallrightbook
- Buy THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523526505
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress
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Does Messy Matter?
In a recent study, women who saw their homes as "cluttered" had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who reported more well-organized, restful spaces. But for some of us, the stress of trying to be neat feels harder than any occasional shame or confusion that messiness might cause.
Does messy matter? Does it matter the same for everyone? How can you know when it's just your baseline versus when it's creating a real problem?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How to know when clutter is causing a problem for you and your family
- Things that can get in the way of our ability to declutter
- How to focus on function, not aesthetics, when it comes to decluttering
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Chris Fleming: "We Can't Let People Know We Sit!!!!"
- Barbara Brody for WebMD: "How Clutter Can Affect Your Health"
- Sarah Bourassa for The Huffington Post: "6 Reasons You Might Be Messy That Have Nothing To Do With Laziness"
- Shannon Doyne for The New York Times: "Is Clutter a Problem in Your Life?"
- Ottilie Blackhall for Homes and Gardens: The ‘Didn’t Know’ decluttering trend
- KC Davis on TikTok: 5 Things Decluttering and NPR Life Kit article about this method
- Struggle Care podcast with KC Davis
- KC Davis on our podcast
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, Marie Kondo, minimalism, spring cleaning, messiness, messy house, messy rooms, messy kids
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DEEP DIVE: When Your Kids Gets Rejected
This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
Every kid will experience some kind of rejection, and some will have an easier time of it than others. How do we validate our kids' feelings while giving them the tools to move through the pain of rejection? As it turns out, sometimes the best ways to help our kids deal with rejection involve getting out of the way of the growth that can result.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Kid Friend Breakups
- Fresh Take with Taylor Harris
- Fresh Take with Lisa Heffernan
- What Should I Do When My Child Doesn't Make the Team?
- Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be by Frank Bruni
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, rejection, kid rejection
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Fresh Take: Mark Bittman
How can we get our kids cooking with us (or even FOR us) in the kitchen? Mark Bittman, longtime chef, food writer, and author of the new book HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING: KIDS, has some incredibly simple tips for bringing kids into the cooking process.
Mark Bittman is the author of more than thirty books, including the How to Cook Everything series. Over his long career at The New York Times, Bittman wrote for both the food and opinion pages.
Mark, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Why this cookbook is for novice adult cooks, too
- The really simple ways to get picky eaters to start to branch out
- Why cooking with your kids is about so much more than getting dinner on the table
Here's where you can find Mark:
- bittmanproject.com
- @markbittman on social media
- Buy HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING - KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780544790322
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kids diets, kids nutrition, cooking with kids, cooking for kids, kitchen tips, cooking tips, easy weeknight dinners, easy recipes for kids, picky eaters, picky eater recipes, kids recipes
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What Fresh Hell is Halloween?
How has Halloween become a days-long, massively involved and expensive holiday? What happened to the good old days of stumbling around the neighborhood in a Barbie mask you could barely breathe in with a pillowcase full of candy? Here's how Halloween went from just spooky to spooky consumerist.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How Halloween has lost its truly spooky nature over the years
- The origins of the Switch Witch
- Their favorite Halloween costumes growing up
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Paige Pickett for Kids Out and About: Mom Saves Halloween for her Son with the Switch Witch
- Primary Kids' Costumes
- Melissa Willets for Parents Magazine: Is the Switch Witch Brewing Up Some Controversy This Halloween?
- Maura Judkis for Boston.com: With huge skeletons, the yard-decorating arms race heats up
- Lori Ferraro for LikeTotally80s.com: The Mask Makes It - Halloween Costumes of the 1980s
- National Retail Federation: Halloween Spending to Reach Record $12.2 Billion as Participation Exceeds Pre-Pandemic Levels
- Kurt Andersen: FANTASYLAND - How America Went Haywire: A 500-Year History
- Marianna Cerini for CNN Style: From pagan spirits to Wonder Woman: A brief history of the Halloween costume
- Charles Moss for Slate: How Ben Cooper Changed Halloween Forever
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DEEP DIVE: Letting Kids Make Mistakes
This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
There are benefits to our kids' making mistakes, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. Some kids have tons of flexibility and safety around trying new things, around failing. Others not so much.
In this episode we discuss:
- how the brain lights up when a mistake is made, paying extra attention
- why being very wrong about a fact once ensures you will always remember it thereafter
- the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset– and how mistakes encourage the latter
- Carol Dweck and what she calls the power of "not yet"
- how we can make our homes "mistake-friendly environments"
Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Claudia Wallis for Mind/Shift: Why Mistakes Matter in Creating A Path For Learning
- Dr. Janet Metcalfe, Columbia University: “Learning from Errors,”
- Carol S. Dweck for TED: "The Power of Yet"
- Carol S. Dweck: Mindset
- Jo Boaler for youcubed.org: Mistakes Grow Your Brain
- Melissa Taylor for Brightly: What Is a ‘Just Right’ Book? Reading Levels Explained
- Dr. Jason Moser for Frontiers In Human Neuroscience: On the relationship between anxiety and error monitoring: a meta-analysis and conceptual framework
- Sesame Street: Mary Had a Little Lamb
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Fresh Take: Brit Barron
Right now our society feels more polarized than ever. We don't agree on much—and sometimes the people we disagree with most are the ones who are closest to us. This week, we talk about how to handle those difficult relationships and conversations with Brit Barron, author of the new book DO YOU STILL TALK TO GRANDMA?
Brit Barron is a highly sought after speaker on the topics of sexuality, spirituality, race, storytelling, and personal development. In this interview, Brit, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- Why our brains are attracted to binary thinking— and we can become stuck in it
- How the biological imperative to find "cognitive closure" can shut us off from new ideas
- Why the knee-jerk reaction to write off those with whom we disagree online gets more complicated when we apply those rules to some of the people we love most
- How to get more humble about the things we might not know (yet)
Here's where you can find Brit:
- www.britbarron.com
- @britbarron on IG
- Buy DO YOU STILL TALK TO GRANDMA: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593594346
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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election, polarized politics, disagreement, binary thinking, black and white thinking, cognitive bias, cognitive closure, ideologies, family, family dynamics
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Is Parental Stress Getting Worse?
In September 2024 the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, issued an Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents. In it, he declares the mental health and well-being of parents an urgent public health issue.
In this episode we discuss the revealing research included in this report, stating that parents consistently report higher levels of stress compared to other adults.
But is parenting really more stressful than ever? This advisory certainly highlights many reasons why it just might be: the increasing costs of childcare and housing, the increasing hours parents spend at work, the increasing anxiety around guns and our kids’ safety at school, and the unrealistic expectations created by what the report calls a “culture of comparison.”
We think making a change requires more than parents looking on the bright side—we need societal changes and better support systems like paid family leave. We can also all do more to foster a culture that values and supports parents, ensuring their well-being and the positive development of future generations. We’d like to think this podcast and this community are part of that culture. Let’s keep fighting for the support, and the respect, that all parents deserve.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jeremy Engle for the New York Times: Are Parents Stressed Out?
- Claire Cain Miller for the New York Times: Today’s Parents: ‘Exhausted, Burned Out and Perpetually Behind’
- Department of HHS on YouTube: The Surgeon General's Advisory on Parent's Mental Health
- House Calls with Dr. Vivek Murthy: "Parents Are Under Pressure—And We Can All Help"
- Department of Health and Human Services: U.S. Surgeon General Issues Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress
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DEEP DIVE: Best Advice We'd Give Our Younger Selves
This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
Youth is wasted on the young. We wasted our youth taking the wrong classes in college and layering imaginary agendas onto other people's dopey behavior. Sound familiar? We asked our listeners:
If you could time travel, what advice would you give your younger self?
Here's the best advice we all learned from doing things the wrong way!
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Fresh Take: Dr. Tovah Klein on Raising Resilient Kids
What does it really mean to raise resilient kids, and where do we start? Dr. Tovah Klein, Director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and a psychology professor at Barnard College at Columbia University, is also the author of the new book RAISING RESILIENCE. Tovah's book explains why we might have to look inward first when attempting to raise children who can handle life's challenges.
In this interview, Tovah, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- The psychological underpinnings of the common parental desire to smooth over even minor difficulties in our kids' lives
- How to act as both anchor and container for our kids
- The five pillars of kids' resilience, and what we can do to support each
Here's where you can find Tovah Klein:
- www.tovahklein.com
- @tovahklein on IG and X
- @howtoddlersthrive on FB
- www.linkedin.com/in/tovah-klein
- Buy RAISING RESILIENCE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063286566
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem
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Are We Still Doing Manners?
Amy's book Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser is coming in January 2025. Pre-order your copy!
How important is it to teach our kids the manners that we ourselves learned as children? Which social niceties should we keep up with and which ones should we discard? In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How manners have sometimes been used as gatekeeping tools in the past
- What to do when you disagree with other grownups about the manners that matter for your kids
- Why we think the manners that center kindness are the ones that really matter
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Tamar Adler for The New York Times: "A Manners Manifesto"
- Sophie Kiderlin for CNBC's Make It: "Americans are least likely to care about kids having good manners. Here’s what they prioritize instead"
- Clare Finney for Vogue: "Gen-Z Doesn’t Care About Table Manners. So What?"
- David Lowry for Parents.com: "22 Simple Manners All Kids Should Know"
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, manners, kids manners, politeness, social cues
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DEEP DIVE: That's No Longer Interesting To Me
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
What’s no longer interesting to you? How has your life been improved simply by no longer caring about something the world definitely thinks you should?
The key here is no longer interesting. James Bond movies and auto parts probably never made the list in the first place. We’re talking stuff you turned your back on after having cared perhaps a little too much.
Which isn’t to say you don’t get pushback when you put things down. Just because *you* stop being interested in what’s for dinner doesn’t mean other small denizens of your home are going to stop asking you. Just because you stop caring about the scale doesn’t mean your sister will stop asking if you’ve lost weight.
But whether it’s celebrity culture, making our kids dress appropriately for the weather, or what we wear to school drop-off, here are some things that are no longer interesting to us (and to our listeners).
Did you know you can share this episode from whatever app you're using to listen right now? Text it to a friend!
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Fresh Take: The Lazy Genius on Compassionate Time Management
We're so glad to be talking to Kendra Adachi again this week. Kendra is the host of the Lazy Genius Podcast and the two-time New York Times bestselling author of The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen. In this interview, we discuss what Kendra calls "compassionate time management" and her newest book, The PLAN: Manage Your Time Like a Lazy Genius.
Kendra shares insights on productivity, pivoting in the face of unexpected life events, and the pitfalls of traditional time management. "The Plan" emphasizes a more holistic and compassionate approach geared towards women's realities. Its key principles include starting from where you are, accessing softness, and making small adjustments. We are so here for it!
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Is This Battle Worth Fighting?
Amy's book Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser is coming in January 2025. Pre-order your copy!
Parenting is a series of everyday battles. But which ones are truly worth fighting? In this episode we discuss the Sisyphean nature of the overuse of the word 'like', to a cleaned-up playroom, to the unending struggle of getting tweens to wear pants—and which of these battles might be 1) winnable and 2) worth the work.
Some things really do matter for the long-term success of our kids (and peace of our households); some might be worth letting go in order to let our kids have that win once in a while. In this episode, we unpack how to tell the difference.
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, decision-making, decision fatigue, productivity
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DEEP DIVE: Yep, That Was So Me
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
What's your "wow, that was so me” story? What is something you did as a kid that exemplifies exactly who you are now?
Amy was taking charge at grownup parties as a six-year-old.
Margaret was getting her comedy censored in grade school.
Neither of these things, in retrospect, seem 1% surprising.
In this episode, we discuss some of our listeners' hilarious recollections of their younger selves, plus a few stories of our own– and a few more about our kids, who have also displayed their personalities early and often.
Whether you were a Halloween-candy-counter or a neighborhood Encyclopedia Brown, you'll probably recognize your younger self in this episode!
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, nostalgia
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Fresh Take: Dan Wuori on "The Daycare Myth"
American public policy rests on the premise that childcare is distinct from education. Dr. Dan Wuori, author of the new book THE DAYCARE MYTH, explains how and why we should rethink the education of very young children.
Dr. Dan Wuori is an early childhood educator and policy consultant, known across the globe for his social media feeds @danwuori, which pair daily lessons in child development with adorable video examples.
In this interview, Amy and Dr. Wuori discuss the importance of early childhood education and the misconceptions surrounding daycare. Dan emphasizes that every moment is a teachable moment for children and that their early development is crucial. He also highlights the need for stable and nurturing relationships with highly engaged adults in early childhood settings.
The conversation explores the impact of quality early childhood education on long-term outcomes and the economic benefits of investing in young children. Dan provides actionable takeaways for parents and policymakers, including visiting and observing early childhood environments, advocating for better compensation and support for early childhood professionals, and redefining terminology and policies to reflect the importance of early childhood education.
Here's where you can find Dr. Wuori:
- danwuori.com
- @danwuori on X and Threads
- Dr. Dan Wuori on FB
- Buy THE DAYCARE MYTH: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807786482
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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early education, child behavior, daycare, childcare, kids care, kids education, school, education policy
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8 Ways to Make Better Decisions
There is no magic formula to making the perfect decision every time, but there are philosophical principles, or "razors," you can use to pare down your options and see your problem more clearly. These razors can cut through the clutter of complexity and help us see the forest for the trees. And while they weren't designed with parents in mind, they can come in pretty handy!
Starting with the most famous, Occam’s Razor, we discuss how paring away unlikely hypotheticals leads to the most accurate solutions.
Next, we delve into Hanlon’s Razor, which reminds us to avoid attributing malicious intent when there’s a simpler explanation. This principle can help us avoid unnecessary conflict and foster understanding, especially in relationships.
Then we discuss Hitchens’ Razor, which places the burden of proof on the person making the claim. This can be a valuable tool for evaluating arguments and avoiding baseless assertions.
We also explore Chesterton’s Fence, which encourages us to be cautious about changing things without understanding their original purpose.
But that's not all. Listen to the episode to hear the rest, and let us know your own rules for clearer thinking!
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Itamar Shatz for Effectiviology: "Hanlon’s Razor: Never Attribute to Malice That Which is Adequately Explained by Stupidity"
- Farnam Street blog: Chesterton’s Fence: A Lesson in Thinking
- Reallemon for Medium: Hitchens’s Razor and its Place in Debate
- Kendra Cherry for Verywell Mind: How the Hawthorne Effect Works
- Our episode on decision fatigue
Go to our Facebook group and tell us what rules and razors you live by!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, decision-making, decision fatigue, productivity
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DEEP DIVE: I've Figured Something Out...
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
Have you ever figured out a thing and thought everyone must know about this? In this episode we discuss the things that we (and our listeners) have figured out about
- how to pack
- freezer organization
- deciding once (this idea is from the Lazy Genius, and this Instagram thread is full of lazy genius)
- making yourself want to clean a messy room
- recognizing your best day
- deciding where things belong
- unloading a dishwasher
- always knowing what’s for dinner
- finishing what you start
- snack stashes
- making lists
- and how to discern between good ideas for somebody, and good ideas for you
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, life-changing tips, life hacks
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Fresh Take: Eli Harwood on Raising Securely Attached Kids
As parents, we've probably heard the term "attachment style.” But what does it really mean? Eli Harwood, author of the new book RAISING SECURELY ATTACHED KIDS, discusses practical parenting strategies for creating secure attachments with our kids.
Eli and Margaret discuss:
- How we define secure attachment and why it's important
- The four different child attachment patterns
- Why it's never too late to start repairing relationships with our kids
Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist who has been nerding out on attachment research for the past two decades and is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one relationship at a time.
Here's where you can find Eli:
- https://attachmentnerd.com
- @attachmentnerd on IG/TikTok/Facebook
- #raisingsecurelyattachedkids
- Buy RAISING SECURELY ATTACHED KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781632175465
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kid behavior, child behavior, attachment style, secure attachment, secure attachment style, raising securely attached kids
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Helping Kids Deal with Disappointment
How can we empower our kids to cope with negative feelings without our help? Here's why disappointment is an important part of childhood and how to build scaffolding for their emotional regulation.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How the purpose of having children has changed over the last century
- Why disappointment is developmentally important
- How to be a guide, not a fixer, for our kids
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jim Taylor for Psychology Today: Parenting: Disappointment Is Good
- Katie Hurley for PBS Kids Parenting: How to Help Kids Cope With Disappointment
- THE GIFT OF FAILURE by Jess Lahey: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780062299253
- Meghan Rabbitt for Parents Magazine: How to Help Kids Deal With Disappointment
- RAISING RESILIENT CHILDREN by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein
- Emily Edlynn for Parents Magazine: How Do I Help My Mad Toddler Express Anger in a Healthier Way?
- Our Fresh Take with Jessica Lahey
- Our Fresh Take with Katie Hurley
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kid behavior, child behavior
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DEEP DIVE: I Really Thought This Would Be a Bigger Part of My Life
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify.
What did adulthood mean to you when you were growing up? Staying up late? Doing algebra every day? Stopping, dropping, and rolling at least once a week? We asked our listeners what they thought would come in handy or plague them daily when they grew up.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- "Oops! All Berries" Cap'n Crunch cereal
- Chunky statement pieces
- How to get the upper hand in "Jeopardy"
Here's the original thread in our Facebook group where we asked this question
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg Tells Kids How to Stop Freaking Out
Kids sometimes lose their cool, and it can be easy to lose ours while trying to help them. Carla Naumburg, author of the new book HOW TO STOP FREAKING OUT, discusses why kids freak out, how we can help them, and how we as parents can keep our cool.
Carla Naumburg is a clinical social worker, and a mother. She’s the author of four non-fiction books, including her international bestseller, How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, as well as You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent.
Carla and Amy discuss:
- Why the point of Carla's book is not for kids to stop freaking out all together
- Why kids (and all of us) are wired to occasionally freak out
- How we as parents can keep calm when our kids are freaking out
Here's where you can find Carla:
- www.carlanaumburg.com
- @carlanaumburg on IG
- @CarlaGeorge22 on Twitter
- @cnaumburg on Facebook
- Buy HOW TO STOP FREAKING OUT
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kid behavior, child behavior
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Are Our Kids Overscheduled?
So many of us spend hours chauffeuring our kids back and forth to their myriad activities. Why are kids so overloaded with activities these days, and can we get off of this ride? Here are some parenting strategies for navigating this issue.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why kids are so overscheduled these days
- How overscheduling really affects kids, beyond the mom guilt-inducing headlines
- What questions to ask when assessing if our kids are overscheduled
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Dr Shimi King: Overscheduling Your Kids Isn’t the Fast-Track to Success it Once Was
- Solution Health: Overbooked Kids: The Overscheduled Crisis
- Anna Nordberg for Slate: The Fine Art of Underscheduling
- Jill Barshay for Mind Shift: Overscheduling Kids’ Lives Causes Depression and Anxiety, Study Finds
- Carolina Caetano, et. al for Economics of Education Review: Are children spending too much time on enrichment activities?
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kid behavior, child behavior, kids activities, kids sports, kids enrichment, kids extracurriculars, kids schedules
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DEEP DIVE: Which Parenting Rules Can We Break?
This month's Deep Dive series is about flouting parenting rules and advice that don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here.
Who makes the parenting rules? And how bendable are they? From picky eaters to sleep routines to playing outside, we all have to navigate the line between what we supposedly should and shouldn't allow as parents. But sometimes it's okay to break the rules if it works for you and your family. Amy and Margaret dive into the details in this listener-driven episode.
In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss:
- The different types of parenting rules
- Which parenting rules they have broken
- "YOYO" dinners
Other episodes we mention:
- Amee Severson on Intuitive Eating
- Ask Amy: Helping Kids Deal with Comparison and Envy
- Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through Play
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, bad advice, bad parenting advice, parenting rules, family rules
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Fresh Take: Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein on Raising Resilient Girls
How do we raise our daughters to feel empowered, rather than helpless, in the face of gender bias? Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD, author of the new book SEXISM AND SENSIBILITY, offers parenting tips to prepare our girls for the modern world.
Dr. Finkelstein, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- The limits of the "girl power" line of thinking
- How to teach girls what is and isn't in their control when it comes to sexism
- How to recognize and combat sexism in our own parenting
Here's where you can find Dr. Finkelstein:
- www.joannfinkelstein.com
- @joannfinkelstein.phd on IG/TikTok
- Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD - Author on FB
- @finkeljo on Twitter
- Buy SEXISM AND SENSIBILITY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593581162
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, sexism and sensibility, raising girls, feminist parenting, everyday sexism, end sexism, gender equality matters, smash the patriarchy, double standards, girl power, body positive, parenting teens, teen health, equal partnership, respect women, teen mental health matters
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What Happened to My Sweet Child?
Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group:
My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help!
In this episode, we explain why
- these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal
- almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior
- and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature.
These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Rebecca Onion for Slate: Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today
- Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control
- Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: What Exactly Is Stress?
- Louise Bates Ames: Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kid behavior, child behavior
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BEST OF: Back to School Back-to-Ones
Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.
Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- To make lunch or not to make lunch
- How to keep outfits clean at breakfast
- The best time to grocery shop
Here are links to resources mentioned in the episode:
- Read the full Facebook thread here and if you're not already part of our amazing group, you can join at www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast!
- Watch the short film Amy mentions: "How Was Your Day?" directed by Allison Hadar and Maddie Corman
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, back to school, school, school day, school-age kids,
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You Might Also Like: In It: Raising Kids who Learn Differently, from Understood.org
Today we’re sharing an episode from another parenting podcast we think our listeners will really appreciate. It’s called “In It: Raising Kids who Learn Differently.” This podcast offers perspective, stories, and useful takeaways for parents of kids with challenges in reading, math, focus, and other learning differences, like ADHD and dyslexia.
This is an episode called "After the Diagnosis: How Kids Feel About Their Learning and Thinking Differences." To listen to more episodes, search for “In It: Raising Kids who Learn Differently” in your podcast app.
Listen to "In It" here: https://lnk.to/initunderstoodFD!whatfreshhell
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, learning differences, ADHD, dyslexia, IEP, learning challenges
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BEST OF: Esau McCaulley, "How Far To The Promised Land"
How can we talk about America’s ongoing legacy of racism without sliding into despair? In his new memoir HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND, Esau McCaulley tells his own story—and questions why Black failure is judged collectively, while Black success is perceived as the merit of an individual.
Rev. Esau McCaulley, PhD, is an author and associate professor of New Testament at Wheaton College. His work has been published in The New York Times, The Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Christianity Today.
Esau and Amy discuss:
- Why "escaping poverty" is a misleading term
- How experiences that set the context for heroic bravery also create the possibility for failure
- What caused Esau to change his definition of justice
Here's where you can find Esau:
- www.esaumccaulley.com
- @OfficialEsauMcCaulley on Facebook
- @esaumccaulley on Twitter on Instagram
- Buy HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241080
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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When Kids Ask Tough Questions
We've all been there: our kid asks us what heaven is like, and whether dogs can go there too. Or why some people are homeless. Or why that person over there doesn't look like other people.
Sometimes we rush to smooth things over, or chastise them for what is probably honest curiosity.
Other times we overexplain, answering with a confusing lecture when what they really wanted was reassurance.
In this episode, we talk about how to find the best balance.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Cory Turner and Anya Kamenetz for NPR's Life Kit: When Kids Ask (Really) Tough Questions: A Quick Guide
- Our Fresh Take with Britt Hawthorne discussing kids' "curious questions"
- Danielle S. McLaughlin for the Huffington Post: Having Difficult Conversations With Kids
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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DEEP DIVE: Might Seem Crazy. Works for Me.
This month's Deep Dive series is about flouting parenting rules and advice that don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here.
We asked our listeners to tell us all the things that others might call crazy but which totally work for them.
From packing the laundry to eating the same lunch every day for five years to toothbrushes in the kitchen, these are the ideas that don't sound so crazy, come to think of it.
Following us on Instagram? Join the fun! http://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, bad advice, bad parenting advice, parenting rules, family rules
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Fresh Take: Jill Castle, "Kids Thrive at Every Size"
The task of feeding kids "the right foods" can give parents a lot of anxiety. Jill Castle, author of the new book KIDS THRIVE AT EVERY SIZE, explains how we can set our kids up with healthy eating habits they'll maintain for life.
Jill Castle is a pediatric dietitian and childhood nutritionist, founder of The Nourished Child®, and the host of the Nourished Child podcast. In this interview, Jill and Margaret discuss:
- The 8 Pillars of Wellness: Family Culture, Sleep, Movement, Feeding, Eating, Food, Screens, and Self-Love
- Useful tips for fostering your child's healthy relationship with food
- What we often get wrong about the relationship between a child's size and their health
Here's where you can find Jill:
- jillcastle.com
- @pediRD on X
- @i.am.pedird on IG
- @thenourishedchild on FB
- @JillCastle on YouTube
- Buy THE NOURISHED CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523521838
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, feeding kids, kids eating, kids nutrition, kids diet,
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Randomest Claims to Fame
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We asked our listeners for their randomest, most tenuous claims to fame, and as usual, they delivered. Whether it's first place in a two-person pie-eating contest, or dating someone just four degrees removed from the Real Housewives of New Jersey, here are their stories.
Join our Facebook group to see the thread with all of our listeners' randomest claims to fame!
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, claim to fame, celebrity
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DEEP DIVE: Rule Breaker Or Rule Follower: Which Are You?
This month's Deep Dive series is about flouting parenting rules and advice that don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here.
Are you a rule breaker or a rule follower? Are you married to your opposite? We're both rule followers, and when one builds a life with someone who sees the "NO DOGS IN THE LAKE" sign as an invitation to let the golden retriever go for a swim, one is caught between two bad choices: swallow the horrible anxiety that others might think *you* are the sort of person who has zero consideration for clearly posted signage, or be the stick in the mud who can never loosen up a little.
In this episode we discuss why both kinds of people exist, and bump up against each other– and
- why the "no rules pool" isn't as fun as it sounds
- how rules limit possibilities, good and bad
- why humans tend to create more rules during and after times of struggle
- whether kids are born to be rule followers
It's worth the struggle to find the balance for our families. In order for our kids to have the secret thrill of breaking a rule, there need to be a few rules there in the first place.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Michele Gelfand: Rule Makers, Rule Breakers: How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire Our World
- Diane Spear: Play By the Relationship Rules!
- Michele Gelfand for The Guardian: Why countries with 'loose', rule-breaking cultures have been hit harder by Covid
- Wikipedia: Rumspringa
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, bad advice, bad parenting advice, parenting rules, family rules
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BEST OF: Judith Warner on What Grownups Get Wrong About Middle School
Judith Warner’s book AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME: MAKING SENSE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL investigates what can be a truly painful period in any adolescent's life. Warner explains that our "personal fable" is deeply affected by our own experiences during that developmental period, even if our memories may rely on flawed or incomplete information.
That matters because it can affect how we parent our tweens as they enter the middle school stage themselves. Are parents sometimes inadvertently reinforcing the narrative that middle school is a Thunderdome of social aggression?
In this interview, Judith tells Amy the history of middle school, the brain science behind its intensity, and what parents can do to make their children's path through these years an easier one.
Buy AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781101905890
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, middle school kids
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Helping Kids Face Their Fears
Every kid is afraid of something. Sometimes their fears make sense; sometimes their extreme anxiety over every ant that crosses their path can seem a little excessive. But our job isn't to make sure our kids never see ants; our job is to help them learn to navigate those feelings on their own.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why kids facing their fears is an appropriate part of their emotional development
- Why just our presence, when they're feeling fear, can be a great support
- How more anxious parents tend to create more fearful children—and what to do about it
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Lior Abramson et. al for Developmental Science: "The effects of parental presence on amygdala and mPFC activation during fear conditioning: An exploratory study"
- Dr. Cara Goodwin for Parenting Translator: "New Study Alert: Your Presence Matters More Than You Think"
- NYU Langone Health: "Proven Strategies for Anxious Parents Who May Pass Their Anxiety on to Their Children"
- Naître et Grandir: "Fear in Children"
- Canadian Paediatric Society: “Helping children deal with their fears”
- Butterfield, Moira: Everybody Feels...Scared!
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kids fears, kids scared
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DEEP DIVE: Advice We Totally Hate
This month's Deep Dive series is about setting aside the parenting rules and advice that just don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here.
As soon as you become a mother, unsolicited advice-givers are everywhere, telling you to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Or “it gets easier.” Or “enjoy every moment.”
Out of all the advice (parenting and otherwise) that we and our listeners have ever received, here is a selection of the very worst.
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, bad advice, bad parenting advice, parenting rules, family rules
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Fresh Take: Amy Betters-Midtvedt on What No One Tells You About Parenting Teens
You hear that parenting teens is a wild ride. But as Amy Betters-Midtvedt, author of the new book YOU'LL MAKE IT (AND THEY WILL TOO), says, it can also be baffling:
“So much weirdness comes when they go back-and-forth between staying their old selves and becoming their new ones. Conflict will suddenly flow out of nowhere over nothing.”
But you'll make it. And they will too.
Amy Betters-Midtvedt is a Today Parenting contributing author with more than a million readers and twenty-five years of experience working with adolescents and families. In this episode, she and Amy Wilson discuss
- Why teens are constantly flipping from cuddly to crabby
- Why we owe it to our kids to be the best versions of ourselves
- When texting—or GIFs—is the best way to communicate
Here's where you can find Amy Betters-Midtvedt:
- amybettersmidtvedt.com
- FB: @Amy Betters-Midtvedt
- TikTok: @hidingwithcoffee
- IG: @Amy.Betters-Midtvedt
- X:@amymidtvedt
- Buy YOU'LL MAKE IT (AND THEY WILL TOO): https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593601129
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parenting teens
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Comparing Without Despairing
It's easy to compare our parenting—often as measured by our kids' achievements—with their peers' achievements. As in, how other parents might be doing it better.
This week, we're talking parenting tips for resisting “mompetition”— and how we can use comparison to create healthy perspectives instead of "compare and despair."
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why competition is a biological imperative
- The effects of social media and other societal forces on parenting
- How to know if we're putting too much pressure on our kids
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Matthew Hutson for The Atlantic: "Why We Compete"
- Aruna Raghuram for ParentCircle: "Are you a competitive mom? Here are the many ways in which mompetition can harm your child"
- Urban Dictionary definition of "mompetition"
- Eileen Kennedy-Moore for Psychology Today: "How to Resist Competitive Parenting"
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mompetition, parenting competition
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DEEP DIVE: Admitting Things Aren't Perfect
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
It's hard to admit things aren't perfect. It's especially hard for moms. Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett described three types of perfectionism in the 1990s: self-directed (I must be a size 2), others-directed (do that piano exercise again until you get it right), and "socially mediated" perfectionism, which comes from society making unrealistic demands of a person or a group and punishing that person when she falls short. Sound familiar?
Turns out the amount of socially mediated perfectionism a parent feels is directly related to her level of "parental burnout," defined as exhaustion in one’s role as a parent, feelings of being fed up as a parent, and even emotional distancing from one’s children. Not the place any of us want to get to. So why is it so hard to admit things aren't perfect? And how can we start?
Here are links to some of the research on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Fatemeh Ghanbari Jahromia et al: The relationship between socially prescribed perfectionism and depression: The mediating role of maladaptive cognitive schemas
- Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett: Perfectionism in the Self and Social Contexts
- Matilda Sorkkila and Kaisa Aunola: Risk Factors for Parental Burnout among Finnish Parents: The Role of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, self-conscious, mindfulness
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Fresh Take: Debra Hendrickson on What We Can Do About Climate Change
We know climate change affects not only our children's health but their future. So what can we as individuals do?
Debra Hendrickson is a board-certified pediatrician practicing in Reno, Nevada, and a Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Nevada School of Medicine. She is also the author of the author of the new book THE AIR THEY BREATHE: A PEDIATRICIAN ON THE FRONT LINES OF CLIMATE CHANGE.
In this interview, Margaret and Debra discuss:
- How climate change is affecting the health of children
- Why we should not feel completely defeated when it comes to reversing climate change
- Small steps we as individuals can take to reduce carbon emissions and keep our kids safe
Here's where you can find Debra:
- https://debrahendrickson.com/
- #TheAirTheyBreathe
- Buy THE AIR THEY BREATHE
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, climate change, climate change effects, global warming, global warming effects
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Sibling Spacing: Close Together or Far Apart?
What are the best things about having closely spaced siblings? What about farther apart? Siblings' closeness, amount of conflict, and relationships as adults are all affected by the age differences between them.
In this episode, the listeners with closely spaced children tell us why that has worked for them (constant playmates) and not (constant bickering), while those with kids with larger age differences point to the unexpected connections that can still result.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Michael Waters for The Atlantic: A Subtle Shift Shaking Up Sibling Relationships
- ANALYZING CONTEMPORARY FERTILITY by Christine R. Schwartz et. al: Chapter 10: Trends in Years Spent as Mothers of Young Children: The Role of Completed Fertility, Birth Spacing, and Multiple Partner Fertility
- Bart H. H. Golsteyn and Cécile A. J. Magnée for the IZA Institute of Labor Economics: Does Birth Spacing Affect Personality?
- World Bank Group, "World Population Prospects: 2022 Revision:" Fertility rate, total (births per woman) - United States
- Cicirelli, V. G. for Developmental Psychology. Effects of sibling structure and interaction on children's categorization style.
- Sahar Borairi, et. al for the Society for Research in Child Development: "Do siblings influence one another? Unpacking processes that occur during sibling conflict"
- Erping Xiao et. al for Early Child Development and Care: "The influence of birth order and sibling age gap on children’s sharing decision"
- Read all of our listeners' great advice on the original thread in our Facebook group
- Listen to our episode "Birth Order: Can We Fight It?"
Join our Facebook group for advice and laughs from other moms just like you!
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, siblings, brothers, sisters, sibling relationship, kids age gap, sibling age gap
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DEEP DIVE: How To Stop Having The Same Fight
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
Having the same fight doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. But it is totally annoying. In this episode we discuss the modes of negativity at play when we repeat the same conflicts- and what we can do to break the cycle, whether it’s our partners or kids.
Conflict may be unavoidable- but it can be at least a little more productive.
Here are links to some of the takes on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
- We The Norths on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights: The Number System
- Esther Perel for Cosmopolitan: How to Stop Having the Same Fight With Your Boyfriend All the Time
- Kristine Fellizar for Bustle: 7 Hacks To Avoid Having The Same Fight Over & Over In Your Relationship
- Charlotte Latvala for Good Housekeeping: More Fun, Less Fighting
- Ted Lasso on Apple TV
- Eckhart Tolle on Oprah Super Sunday: How To Identify And Stop Your Pain Body
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, fighting, couples fighting, partners fighting, arguing, spouses fighting, marital discord, marital strain, marriage
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Fresh Take: Erin and Stephen Mitchell, "Too Tired To Fight"
Do you and your partner find yourselves talking past each other when arguing? Erin and Stephen Mitchell, authors of the new book TOO TIRED TO FIGHT, discuss how parenting can impact relationships (including their own!) and strategies to manage conflict and stay connected.
Erin and Stephen Mitchell are the cofounders of Couples Counseling for Parents, a company focused on providing access to research-informed, psychologically sound online education for couples.
Amy, Erin, and Stephen discuss:
- Why fighting between couples often increases once kids come into the picture
- What conflict in a relationship really signifies—and why it's not a bad thing
- Why conflict resolution doesn't have to be dead serious all the time
Here's where you can find Erin and Stephen:
- www.couplescounselingforparents.com
- Buy TOO TIRED TO FIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593714270
- Listen to the "Couples Counselling for Parents" podcast
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, relationships, fighting, couples, marriage, couple arguing, couple fighting, conflict in relationships
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Are We Helping or Are We Helicoptering?
Is "helicopter parenting" actually a definable thing? Or is it just what we call parents who are being annoying? Overparenting is something that it's easy to be judgey about in other people, and a lot harder to identify in ourselves. Parents have to help. It's what we're there for. So how do we manage without micromanaging?
In this episode, we discuss:
- The conditions that trigger parental anxiety (probably the true cause of overattentive parenting)
- Allowing struggles and disappointments to be part of our kids' journeys
- How to discern for yourself if you're maybe helicoptering more than helping
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Kate Bayless for Parents Magazine: "What Is Helicopter Parenting, And How Does It Impact Kids?"
- Julia Schønning Vigdal and Kolbjørn Kallesten Brønnick for Frontiers in Psychology: "A Systematic Review of “Helicopter Parenting” and Its Relationship With Anxiety and Depression"
- Our Fresh Take with Camilo Ortiz
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, helicopter parent, snowplow parent
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DEEP DIVE: Let's Stop Caring What People Think
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
What if we didn't let other people's judgments change our game plans—as women, as mothers, and as humans? We're wired to pay attention to what other people think. There's a reason those judgments can be painful. Are there ways we can break free and care less?
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss...
- Why our innate need to be included (and not ostracized) is hard-wired
- The "behavioral inhibition system" and how it gets triggered
- Whose feelings and judgments we should take into account
- Why parenting is an especially problematic zone for others' judgments of us
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our episode "Parenting With An Audience"
- Governor J.B. Pritzker's speech to the 2023 graduates of Northwestern University: "The kindest person in the room is often the smartest."
- Rachel Moss for HuffPost UK: How To Actually Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You
- hotter.com: At What Age Do You Feel Most Comfortable In Yourself?
- Arthur C. Brooks for The Atlantic: No One Cares!
- Naomi I. Eisenberger: Why Rejection Hurts: What Social Neuroscience Has Revealed About the Brain’s Response to Social Rejection
- Sarah Coyne for The Joplin Globe: Parenting with an audience changes the rules
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, self-conscious, mindfulness
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Fresh Take: Emily Cherkin on Tech-Intentional Parenting
Is screen use a daily battle of wills in your house? Emily Cherkin, author of the new book "THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family," explains how to model a healthy relationship with tech for our kids.
Emily Cherkin, MEd., consults with parents, offers school presentations and professional development training, and brings her tech-intentional approach to as many people as possible.
Emily and Margaret discuss:
- What "tech-intentional" really means and how it's different from being screen-free
- How to align screen use with family values
- How to model tech intentionality with your kids
Here's where you can find Emily:
- http://www.thescreentimeconsultant.com
- Instagram: @thescreentimeconsultant
- Facebook: @thescreentimeconsultant
- X: @ScreentimeLlc
- Buy THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798886451122
Listen to our Fresh Take with Julie Lythcott-Haims
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, tech, technology, screens, screentime
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When Mom Leaves Town
Does it seem like just as much work to leave your kids behind for a couple of days as not to go in the first place? Do your instructions for family operational procedures during your absence run more than five pages?
Getting away from our kids—for work, for the weekend, for a friend’s 40th—isn’t just good for us. It’s also an opportunity for our kids to realize that “only Mommy” stuff they pull when we’re around is not as necessary as they might have thought.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- Why our kids may behave better when we aren’t around (and why it's not a bad thing)
- Why the best time to call your kids when you travel is in the morning
- How the instructions you leave behind can change as your kids grow
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Kari Bodnarchuk for The Boston Globe: Preparing Kids for When a Parent Travels
- Smart Women Travelers: Keeping Mom’s Business Trip from Being Mom’s Guilt Trip
- Our episode "We Forgot What Little Kids Were Like"
- Kara Williams has great advice for vacationing with kids of all ages
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, travel
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DEEP DIVE: Dropping the Rope
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
When you're locked in a battle of tug-o-war it can be extremely exhausting to keep up the fight. But there is a solution: dropping the rope. It may seem counterintuitive, but when you're in the middle of a conflict you've had many times before—when you're fighting for something that seems very important, or at least obvious—and then suddenly drop the rope, you're allowing the space for something different to occur.
Here are the links to the resources we mentioned in the episode:
- Jen Lumanlan for Your Parenting Mojo: "Want to stop playing Tug of War with your child?"
- Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on How to Manage Our Anxiety
- Our bookshop!
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parents fighting, arguments, husbands, wives, partners arguing, kids arguing, spouse disagreements
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Fresh Take: Jo Piazza
Jo Piazza wears a lot of hats: author, podcast host, award-winning journalist, mom. In this episode we talk about them all!
We're big fans of her sexy thriller THE SICILIAN INHERITANCE and her podcast Under the Influence (now part of Adalyst Media!) Jo's interests are wide-ranging and so is this conversation. We cover:
- How Jo's experience solving a century-old murder in her family inspired her book
- Why Jo and Amy are apparently cousins
- Jo's advice for parents who are just entering the world of social media with their kids
Here's where you can find Jo:
- www.jopiazza.com
- @jopiazzaauthor on IG
- @jopiazza on X
- Listen to "Under the Influence," an Adalyst Media podcast!
- Listen to "The Sicilian Inheritance" podcast
- Buy THE SICILIAN INHERITANCE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593474167
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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BEST OF: Super-Awesome Mom Hacks
Time for some easy wins! Here of some of our (and our listeners') favorite hacks for
- naptime
- diapers
- laundry
- kitchen
- sibling squabbles
and General Sanity Preservation. This stuff really works!
The Lazy Genius (Kendra Adachi's) principle: Decide Once
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Keeping Our Families' Traditions
Danielle Friedman's recent New York Times article says it all: "The Constant Work to Keep a Family Connected Has a Name." That work is kinkeeping.
Sociologist Carolyn Rosenthal defined kinkeeping as "someone who works at keeping family members in touch with one another." Every lucky extended family has a kinkeeper, and yes, it's usually a woman. Perhaps that's why the work of kinkeeping can be dismissed as silly and unimportant, even by the same people who reap its benefits.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- How kinkeepers help their families live longer
- How to get support if you're the kinkeeper
- How to offer support if you're not
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our interview with Eve Rodsky: "Changing the Invisible Workload"
- Molly West's TikTok video on kinkeeping
- Frank Bruni for the NYT: "Tolstoy and Miss Daisy"
- Danielle Friedman for the NYT: "The Constant Work to Keep a Family Connected Has a Name"
- Carolyn J. Rosenthal for The Journal of Marriage and Family: "Kinkeeping in the Familial Division of Labor"
- Caitlin G Allen, et. al, for the Journal of Community Genetics: "Developing and assessing a kin keeping scale with application to identifying central influencers in African American family networks"
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom guilt, invisible labor, emotional labor, cognitive load
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BEST OF: Bethany Johnson and Margaret Quinlan
Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan and Bethany Johnson are the co-authors of the book You’re Doing it Wrong! Mothering, Media and Medical Expertise. This book investigates the history of mothering advice in the media, from the 19th century to today, and the processes by which mothering has been defined, from getting pregnant to being pregnant to giving birth to whether "that baby" needs a hat on.
Like most moms, Maggie and Bethany questioned their own parenting decisions because they understood their choices would be met with scrutiny exercised in few other arenas. They suggest that the first step to freeing ourselves from the socially prescribed perfectionism of motherhood is to realize that no matter what you decide, there will always be someone telling you "you're doing it wrong."
Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan is a Professor of Communication at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She explores how communication creates, resists and transforms knowledges about bodies, and critiques power structures that marginalize certain people both inside and outside of healthcare systems.
Bethany Johnson is a PHD candidate at the University of South Carolina. She studies how science, medical technology, and public health discourses are framed and reproduced by those with structural power.
Get YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/books/you-re-doing-it-wrong-mothering-media-and-medical-expertise/9780813593784.
To find out more about their work: http://johnsonquinlanresearch.com.
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Why Was This a Thing? Rules We Once Lived By
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
Rooms where no one was allowed to go? Saving up phone minutes? Opening one kind of cereal at a time? What odd rules did we once live by that we can't imagine following now?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The Good Room
- Snuggies
- Peek Freans
Links to references in this episode:
- The Onion: Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption
- "Certain things are for company" - comedian Sebastian Maniscalco
- "Company is Coming" - comedian Chris Fleming
- Peek Freans
- Follow us on Threads @whatfreshhellcast
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Ask Amy: I've Already Got the End-of-Summer Scaries
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
Why is it that summer never seems to be the picture-perfect, sun-washed experience we want for our kids? Amy helps a listener ditch her mom guilt over not providing her kids with the "perfect" summer.
"I have the end of summer scaries. Or end of summer mom guilt. I feel so bummed that I have spent most of the summer in survival mode instead of really enjoying it with my children. I probably have seen way too many of those "you only get 18 summers" posts. My oldest starts first grade in two weeks and I feel like I completely failed. I wish we had spent more time swimming, riding bikes, all of that quintessential summer stuff. Instead, I feel like I've spent most of it breaking up fights with his 4 year old brother, keeping the 18 month old from injuring himself, and saying "no" to every request.
I'm notoriously hard on myself so I probably just need a reality check. Does anyone else feel this way?"
It's totally normal to feel like the summer is a more difficult time of year, especially with three little kids to entertain, Amy explains. There are more hours of daylight and more unstructured time.
And, by the way, your kids don't vaporize once they turn 18, and if they're away at college, summer is when you WILL see them, at least somewhat more than you did during the school year. Try to decouple yourself from the overwhelming "you only get 18 summers with your kids" messaging. It robs you of the ability to remain present THIS summer with your kids.
So how do you try and be present with your kids without worrying about how many summers you have left in the bank? Start super small. Declare that it's "ice cream dinner" tonight or let the kids cover the driveway in chalk drawings. The "summer memories" we're supposed to be making are by definition lazy and unstructured. And those little things we may think are nothing special are probably what our kids will look back on most fondly.
Join our Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, summer, vacation, summer vacation, summer activities, staycation, summer break
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Fresh Take: Mr. Chazz on Breaking Generational Patterns
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
How can we be responsive, rather than reactive, when our child misbehaves? Chazz Lewis, host of the podcast Learning Curve with Mr. Chazz, explains practical steps for navigating our children's behavior issues with empathy and compassion, rather than judgement.
Mr. Chazz is an educator, speaker, and activist. With over 1.5 million followers across social media, Mr. Chazz has helped countless parents and teachers navigate the challenges and triumphs of raising and teaching children.
Margaret and Mr. Chazz discuss:
- The one thing that can really help a child who comes from a troubled home
- The five steps for a conscious-based parenting approach
- Simple mantras to keep in mind for a healthy perspective on parenting
Here's where you can find Mr. Chazz:
- mrchazz.com
- @mrchazz on IG
- @mrchazzmrchazz on TikTok, FB, and YT
- Listen to Learning Curve with Mr. Chazz, an Adalyst Media podcast!
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, educator, kids' education, generational trauma, breaking patterns,
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Sibling Rivalry
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
Most of us have either experienced—or refereed—sibling rivalry. So what do we do when our kids are constantly at each other's throats? Why do they fight constantly, and how do we get them to stop?
In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss:
- How parents consciously and unconsciously contribute to sibling rivalry
- How to know what's normal sibling rivalry and what's harmful bullying
- When to step in and when to let your kids work it out themselves
- Why treating your kids fairly is not the same as treating them equally
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Rob Quinn for Newser: This Bird Takes Sibling Rivalry to Extremes
- Claire McCarthy for Harvard Health Publishing: Sibling rivalry is normal — but is it helpful or harmful?
- Anahad O'Connor for the New York Times: When the Bully Is a Sibling
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, siblings, sibling rivalry, siblings fighting, kids fighting, brothers, sisters
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BEST OF: Would You Rather...? (Mom Edition)
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
Parenting is a constant process of choosing the lesser evil. When it's stomach flu or Coxsackie, they're both bad, but when you're playing Would You Rather?, you've still got to pick one.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- What their kids' names REALLY are
- Rat backpacks
- The horror of perma-noisemakers
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Fresh Take: Lucas Mann on Fatherhood
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
What does it mean to perform the role of "dad" in today's world? How do the ways the world perceives our children affect the ways we perceive ourselves?
Lucas Mann is the author of ATTACHMENTS: ESSAYS ON FATHERHOOD AND OTHER PERFORMANCES, a collection of essays about parenting that The New Yorker just called "intense, poetic, and almost uncomfortably honest." In this interview, Lucas tells us about his experiences, how and why he writes, and what he's learned along the way.
Here's where you can find Lucas Mann:
- www.lucasmann.com
- @lucaswmann on IG
- @LucasWMann on X
- Buy ATTACHMENTS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781609389536
- https://www.newyorker.com/books/under-review/should-we-expect-more-from-dads
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, fatherhood, father, dad, dads, fathers day
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Dumb Things We Thought When We Were Kids
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
Amy thought The Love Boat was filmed in real time, at sea. Margaret's grandfather had all the kids convinced his dining room light switch controlled the Tappan Zee Bridge. We asked our listeners for all the silliest things they fully believed as children, and in this episode, we highlight all of the absolute dumbest.
We got all of these answers from our Facebook group! You can join in on the fun here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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BEST OF: Toxic Positivity
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
“God never gives you more than you can handle.” “Look on the bright side.” “It could be worse.” These are examples of toxic positivity. They're platitudes we’ve all heard and we all know are (to say the least) less than helpful.
So why do people feel the need to put a good spin on things when disaster strikes, and how do we break out of that habit? We talk about our own experiences with toxic positivity, what we’ve learned from them, and what we’re still working on.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How overvaluing positives functions as a survival mechanism
- Why toxic positivity actually makes us less happy
- How to counter toxic positivity and how to stay graceful towards people who offer us outlooks we may not want or need
Here are links to some of the articles we discuss in this episode:
- Brock Bastian and Ashley Humphrey for The Conversation: “How to avoid ‘toxic positivity’ and take the less direct route to happiness”
- Allyson Chiu for The Washington Post : Time to ditch ‘toxic positivity,’ experts say: ‘It’s okay not to be okay’
- Elizabeth Bernstein for The Wall Street Journal : Toxic Positivity Is Very Real, and Very Annoying
Links to other episodes that mention toxic positivity:
- Fresh Take: Kate Bowler on the Truths We Need To Hear
- Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, toxic positivity
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Fresh Take: Ruth Whippman on What We Get Wrong About Raising Boys
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
How do the stereotypes we harbor about raising boys harm them in the long term? Ruth Whipmann, author of BOYMOM: REIMAGINING BOYHOOD IN THE AGE OF IMPOSSIBLE MASCULINITY, discusses what most modern parenting advice misses when it comes to raising boys.
Ruth, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- why so much parenting advice for boys has historically sidelined the role of mothers
- the ways in which the emotional lives of boys are suppressed
- how to be "annoying in service of the project" of changing the conversation in your own family
Here's where you can find Ruth:
- https://www.ruthwhippman.com
- @ruthwhippman on X and IG
- Follow Ruth on Substack: https://substack.com/@ruthwhippman
- Buy BOYMOM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593577639
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, feminism, raising boys, boyhood
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When Your Kid is Being Bullied
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
Most of us hear “bullying” and picture a sand-kicking, lunch-money-stealing menace. But today’s bullying can take other forms. Research by Dr. Charisse Nixon shows that about 7% of kids report experiencing physical aggression once a week— but that HALF of kids report experiencing relational aggression at least once a month.
On the other hand, as bullying expert Signe Whitson explains, some things get termed “bullying” that are more correctly described as mean or rude. Knowing the difference as parents will help our children navigate these waters more effectively.
In this episode we discuss how to help our children understand what bullying is, plus how to know if our kids are being bullied themselves— since it’s the kids who are truly frightened and struggling who are often the most likely not to tell us.
We also discuss whether, how much, and in what ways parents should intervene— somewhere in the middle ground between “so find new friends!” and beating the bully up yourself. (Spoiler alert: don’t do either of those things.)
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in this episode:
- Katie Hurley for Washington Post On Parenting: "What does childhood anxiety look like? Probably not what you think."
- Katie Hurley for PBS Kids: What to Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied
- Sherri Gordon for Very Well Family: 7 Tips for Helping Kids Deal With Being Ostracized
- Sumathi Reddy for WSJ: Little Children and Already Acting Mean
- Signe Whitson for Huffington Post: Rude Vs. Mean Vs. Bullying: Defining The Differences
- Louis Sachar: There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, bullying, bullies, bullied
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BEST OF: Uh Oh, It's Summer!
What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour
Hooray, summer is finally here! No more French quizzes or spirit days to dress for last minute! So now what? Million-dollar summer camps? Kicking our kids outside from sunup to sundown so they don't drive us crazy?
Here's how to give everyone, including yourself, a sane summer that won't send you into bankruptcy.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- Why summer light affects our mood
- Summer camp inflation
- Farmer's almanac predictions - here are the 2024 predictions
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Johns Hopkins School of Public Health: 7 Things To Know About Daylight Savings Time
- Michele Marchetti & Mia Taylor for Parents: How To Handle the Rising Costs of Summer Camp
- American Camp Association: How To Afford Camp
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom guilt
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Fresh Take: Jessica Calarco on Women as America's Social Safety Net
During the pandemic, most moms hit a breaking point. All of the increased labor of childcare, at-home teaching, and caregiving seemed to land mostly, or only, on their plates. It was a clarifying moment for many of us that things simply could not continue as they were going—and that perhaps they had been going that way for a long time.
Jessica Calarco is a Professor of Sociology at the University of Wisconsin and the author of the new book HOLDING IT TOGETHER: How Women Became America's Safety Net. In this interview, discusses the forces that place the burden of childcare and domestic labor on women.
Jessica, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- how societal expectations around motherhood have always pointed toward a lack of choices
- how "mom guilt" is weaponized to ensure women keep doing more than their share
- what Jessica calls "DIY society," and why it's a myth
Here's where you can find Jessica:
- https://www.jessicacalarco.com
- @JessicaCalarco on X
- Buy HOLDING IT TOGETHER: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593538128
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom guilt
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Tips for Vacationing with Extended Family
We've both traveled with our extended families over and over again, and have loved the memories we've made together. But different bedtimes, sightseeing styles, and mealtime expectations can lead to unexpected conflict.
Laura in our Facebook group wrote in to say:
As usual, our listeners responded with great tips for maintaining both organization and sanity when vacationing with extended family, and in this episode we discuss them all, including:
- Which conversations to have ahead of time—and which conversations never to have at all
- Systems for family vacations that don't fall on one person (or one gender) to execute
- Limiting your non-negotiables as a nuclear family ahead of time
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, vacations, family vacations, vacations with kids
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DEEP DIVE: When You Feel Like a Failure as a Parent
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
In this episode we discuss all the reasons we’ve felt like failures as mothers, why we’re never as hard on others as we are on ourselves, and what we have done to mitigate these feelings of failure in our own lives.
“I feel like I’m failing at parenting fairly often,” our listener Becky wrote when she suggested this topic. If it makes you feel any better, Becky, you’ve got plenty of company. These self-inflicted guilt trips are nearly universal among mothers.
But why? Is it the 24/7 nature of the job? Is it the admittedly high stakes that come from nurturing small humans towards successful adulthoods? Is it our parenting culture, which tells us no matter how much we do, how hard we try, there’s another mother doing it just a little bit better?
We think it’s all of the above. We also think talking to other mothers is the best solution. Thanks for being part of our mothering community.
Here’s links to research and other writing on this topic discussed in this episode:
Regan Long for Motherly: To the Mom Who Feels Like She's Failing: You're Not. Promise.
Heather Marcoux for Motherly: 66% of working parents feel like they're failing—but the system is actually failing them
Doug Parker for Babble: I Feel Like I'm Failing This Parenting Thing Every Damn Day
Denise Rowden for Empowering Parents: “I Feel Like a Failure as a Parent.” How to Turn That Hopeless Feeling Around
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom guilt
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Fresh Take: Sarah Gristwood on What We Can Learn From Women's Diaries
What do women's diaries tell us that's not in the history books? What has changed about women's experiences in the last 400 years, and what remains frustratingly familiar? Historian Sarah Gristwood, author of SECRET VOICES: A YEAR OF WOMEN'S DIARIES, explains the common threads she found among the stories women felt they could tell only to themselves.
Sarah and Amy discuss:
- The most common emotion expressed in all the diaries contained in this book
- The meaning of a diary as a secret-keeper, as a historical record, and sometimes both
- Whether our social media posts and Substacks today can serve the same purpose—and where they fall short
Here's where you can find Sarah:
- http://sarahgristwood.com/
- Buy SECRET VOICES: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781849948159
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mom friends, diary, journal, history, herstory, feminism, women's voices
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When Our Kids Are Bad at Making Friends
When we have a kid who just doesn't seem to fit in—or who is a loner, if a fairly content one—it can be hard for parents. But putting our own anxiety about it aside, and getting clear on the lagging skills and social cues that may not quite be in place, is the best way to help kids get on a better path. This episode is full of specific and useful advice!
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- all the reasons kids can have trouble making (and keeping) friends
- five "unwritten social rules" that some kids take longer to comprehend
- how figuring out the specific issues at play can lead to the most useful solutions
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jamie Howard, et. al for Child Mind Institute: Kids Who Need a Little Help to Make Friends
- The Sue Larkey podcast: Promoting Social Understanding – Social Scripts
- Gwen Dewar for Parenting Science: How to help kids make friends: 12 evidence-based tips
- Christine Comizio for U.S. News Health: Understanding Kids' Friendship Struggles: Common Causes and Solutions
- Lexi Walters Wright for Understood.org: 5 “unwritten” social rules that some kids miss
- Andrew M.I. Lee for Understood.org: Why some kids have trouble making friends
- ADHD Dude: "How to Help Your ADHD Child Keep Friends"
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, friendships, making friends
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DEEP DIVE: Bad Mom Moments (with guest Arianna Bradford)
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
Fess up: everyone's got a Bad Mom Moment. Or twelve.
We tend to hold these things really close, our shame rooted in deep certainty that no other mother has ever temporarily forgotten their baby in the toy aisle at Target.
Guess what? You're not alone. Here are some of our listeners' Bad Mom Moments– and more than a few of our own.
Our guest this week is Arianna Bradford, the brains behind The NYAM (Not Your Average Mom) Project, a website dedicated to helping parents -- moms especially -- celebrate the person they are outside of their role as a parent. Her book, SHAME ON YOU: BIG TRUTHS FROM A BAD MOM, is a hilarious collection of parenting essays that focus as much on a mother's mental health as they do on kids, and how very, very strange they are.
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Fresh Take: Naomi Cahn and June Carbone on Building a Just Economy
Contrary to popular belief, the gender wage gap is widening, not narrowing. Naomi Cahn and June Carbone, authors of FAIR SHAKE: WOMEN AND THE FIGHT TO BUILD A JUST ECONOMY, discuss why working women still lag behind men both in wage equity and in positions of power.
Naomi Cahn is the Justice Anthony M. Kennedy distinguished professor of law at the University of Virginia School of Law. June Carbone is the Robina chair of law, science, and technology at the University of Minnesota Law School.
Naomi, June, and Amy discuss:
- How the "winner takes all" economy rewards men and not women
- The "triple bind" that sidelines women in the workplace
- How things get even more complicated for working parents
- What solutions for this problem look like at a societal, organizational, and personal level
Here's where you can find more of June and Naomi:
- June Carbone: https://law.umn.edu/profiles/june-carbone
- Naomi Cahn: https://www.law.virginia.edu/faculty/profile/nrc8g/2915359
- @carbonej and @NaomiCahn on X
- Buy FAIR SHAKE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982115128
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, feminism, feminist economy, feminist economics
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How Old Is Old Enough?
How do we know when our kids are old enough to walk home alone? Wear makeup? Get a phone? It definitely depends on the kid, your family situation, and the community where you live, but we think there are few ground rules—and some scaffolding it's a good idea to have in place.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- why social media may be the thing to delay, more than the phone
- why it can be tricky to leave older siblings in charge of younger siblings even when they actually are old enough
- when kids are old enough to "date" (which depends on what the meaning of the word "date" is)
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
Our Fresh Take with Camilo Ortiz
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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DEEP DIVE: JoAnn Crohn of "No Guilt Mom"
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
JoAnn Crohn of No Guilt Mom is a parenting educator who helps moms feel confident in everything from raising empowered, self-sufficient kids to dropping the anxiety and guilt out of modern parenthood.
No Guilt Mom offers self-paced digital courses in handling big emotions, getting kids to help out more, creating a morning routine, and conquering the homework drama.
JoAnn is the co-host of the No Guilt Mom podcast, a former board-certified middle-school teacher, and a mom to 2 kids, ages 13 and 8.
In this episode, Amy and JoAnn discuss:
- Why rewards charts taught as classroom strategies can often become counterproductive
- Why kids do well if they can
- When rewards charts actually DO work
- No Guilt Mom's HAPPY approach to parenting more effectively– while raising happier, more self-sufficient kids at the same time...
Here's where you can find JoAnn:
- @noguiltmom on FB/IG
- noguiltmom.com
Here are the links to the podcast episodes Amy references:
- Fresh Take: Stacy Haynes on the Best Method to Help Kids Who Struggle
- Amy and Margaret's interview on the No Guilt Mom podcast
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom guilt
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Fresh Take: Cameron Normand of "Stepfamily Solutions"
How can a step-parent gain the trust of her kids as she becomes part of their family? Cameron Normand, founder of Stepfamily Solutions, discusses her own experience as a stepmom and offers some helpful takeaways for navigating stepfamily dynamics.
Cameron and Margaret discuss:
- The biggest misconception about stepfamily life
- Cameron's top piece of advice for new stepmoms
- How to deal with a stepchild or ex-spouse who is less than accepting
Here's where you can find Cameron:
- stepfamilysolutions.com
- @stepfamilysolutions on FB, IG, and TikTok
- Listen to Cameron's podcast "The Stepmom Diaries"
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manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, stepmom, stepparent, blended families, step kids
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Do We Need to Lower Our Standards?
When we explain to our partners and families that we need them to pitch in around the house, we sometimes hear back that the real problem is our too-high standards. That if we actually think "doing the laundry" means FOLDING the laundry, instead of leaving it in the dryer, that that is just too high a bar.
Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY, suggests that partners establish a "minimum standard of care" for household duties. But how does that get set? And is that really all it takes?
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How to use "community standards" to determine minimum standards of care
- The tired old idea that women have impossible standards
- Why it might be your system that's the problem, and not your partner
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Sheila Wray Gregoire for Bare Marriage: EMOTIONAL LABOR SERIES: HOW DO WE DECIDE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE?
- Listen to our Fresh Take with Eve Rodsky
- Eve Rodsky's FAIR PLAY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943
- Leslie Goldman for The Cut: The Marriages Hanging On by a $19 Deck of Cards
- Buy Lyz Lenz's book THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity
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DEEP DIVE: Dr. Pooja Lakshmin on Burnout and Mom Guilt
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, MD is a psychiatrist and author specializing in women's mental health. She is a frequent contributor to The New York Times and the founder of Gemma, the first digital education platform dedicated exclusively to women’s mental health. Dr. Lakshmin is most passionate about empowering women and sees her clinical work as a perinatal psychiatrist as an extension of this mission.
In this episode we discuss mom guilt, stress, self-care, the anxiety of this ongoing pandemic moment, and how we can reclaim ourselves amidst it all.
You can find Pooja on Instagram @poojalakshmin and at her website: poojalakshmin.com
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Fresh Take: Danielle Bayard Jackson on "Fighting for our Friendships"
Are female friendships really more complicated than male friendships? Does that make our friendships more valuable?
Danielle Bayard Jackson is a female friendship coach and educator on the science of women’s platonic connections. In her new book FIGHTING FOR OUR FRIENDSHIPS, Danielle explains what makes female friendship strong as well as tips for making and keeping great friends.
In this interview, Danielle and Amy discuss:
- The three central affinities that bring women together: secrecy, symmetry, and support
- How to compassionately approach friends who are flaky
- Scripts for navigating common issues in friendships
Here's where you can find Danielle:
- www.betterfemalefriendships.com
- @daniellebayardjackson on IG
- @thefriendshipexpert on TikTok
- Listen to the "Friend Forward" podcast
- Buy FIGHTING FOR OUR FRIENDSHIPS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306830617
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, friendships, female friendships
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MAY BONUS TEASER: Our Myers-Briggs Personality Tests!
This month, we take the Myers-Briggs personality test live on air—Margaret answers with her first instinct and Amy parses every question within an inch of its life. The results will and will not surprise you...
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What Fresh Hell Is Mother's Day?
Is one morning of runny eggs and burnt toast really fair payback for 364 days of work? Does "Mother's Day" have to mean packing the kids for a two-hour drive to see your mom and/or mother-in-law? Why does Mother's Day often feel like it's more trouble than it's worth?
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- Anna Jarvis and the rather tragic origins of Mother's Day
- "minor Mother's Day" vs "major Mother's Day," and how to deliver that message
- How to ask for—and get—the Mother's Day that feels right for you
Margaret mentions "The Lanyard" by Billy Collins in this episode.
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Mother's Day, making mom feel special mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, mothers day, mother's day gift ideas
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DEEP DIVE: Ditching Mom Guilt
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
"Mom guilt" is shorthand for what we think are two pretty different things:
- the universal, low-grade feelings of inadequacy that our soccer snacks aren't as good as Monica's
- the intense, deeply personal shame that we are definitely the only horrible parent who has ever allowed their baby to roll off the changing table
Yes, we take on these feelings of guilt and shame—but society is pretty quick to hand them to us. In this episode we discuss
- why there isn't such a thing as "dad guilt"
- why mom guilt might serve as a sort of magical thinking
- if we can at least skip the feeling guilty about HAVING mom guilt part
Here are links to some studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Lara Bazelon for The Atlantic: The End of Mom Guilt
- Amy Paturel for The Washington Post: Why we feel 'mom guilt'—and how to stop
- Fresh Take: Dana Dorfman on When Worry Works
- Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg on Why You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent
- Fresh Take: Sara Petersen on "Momfluencers"
- Fresh Take: Susan Linn on How 'Big Tech' Targets Our Kids
- Batram-Zantvoort, Stephanie et al, Frontiers in Global Women's Health: "Maternal self-conception and mental wellbeing..."
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Fresh Take: Dr. Alok Kanojia on Parenting a Healthy Gamer
How can we tear our kids away from the increasingly addictive video games they can't get enough of? Dr. Alok Kanojia, author of the book HOW TO RAISE A HEALTHY GAMER, explains how to talk to kids about their video game addiction.
Dr. Kanojia is a former gaming addict and a Harvard-trained psychiatrist who has developed evidence-based programs that helped tens of thousands of gamers overcome their addiction.
Margaret and Dr. Kanojia discuss:
- Signs that someone is addicted to something and why gaming can fill a void
- How to talk to your gamer about healthy habits
- Enforcing boundaries around gaming and dealing with resistance to those boundaries
Here's where you can find Dr. Kanojia:
- Follow Dr.K's podcast HealthyGamerGG https://open.spotify.com/show/6VaJwyS2KXxiXqR77jqzmP
- Check out Dr.K's Book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer https://bit.ly/4c8BNkr
- Healthy Gamer Website https://www.healthygamer.gg/
- Instagram: @healthygamergg
- X: @dralokkanjia
- YouTube: @healthy gamer GG
- TikTok: @healthygamer.gg
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, gaming, gaming addiction, video games, video game addiction, kids gaming addiction
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How To Deal With Picky Eaters
Are you worried your picky eater will never eat a vegetable as long as they live? Here are some parenting tips for picky eaters—and some updates on Amy and Margaret's own picky eaters since recording our very first episode 8 years ago! (It's good news.)
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why it's helpful to make food the least interesting thing at the dinner table
- How to maintain your own sanity around mealtimes by meeting kids where they are
- Why dinnertime is actually the worst time of day to get kids to try new foods
- How pairing and "food chaining" can help expand your picky eaters' palates
Here is a link to one of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Benioff Childrens Hospitals: Picky Eaters
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manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities,
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DEEP DIVE: Parenting as a Team
Parenting as a team is an ongoing challenge– even when your relationship with your co-parent is usually harmonious. But matching headspaces with your co-parent about a problem your family, or one of your children, is dealing with doesn't have to be the goal.
Parenting as a team can often mean taking turns, whether it's with the pancake-flipping, the hard talks with teenagers, or the 3 am worried Googling of ICD-10 diagnoses. In this episode we talk about what’s worked for us in moments of disagreement or struggle with our spouses, and how we found common ground.
If getting through the pandemic meant zooming in, just getting to the next lamppost, parenting as a team means zooming way out. If you know you're on the same page about the adults you want your children to become, it's a little easier to chill out about how they’ll get there.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
Amy and Margaret discuss their "Pre-Cana" experiences in the Catholic Church, and the usefulness of the Engaged Encounter program in particular. To find out more: engagedencounter.com
Buy WHAT CHILDREN LEARN FROM THEIR PARENTS' MARRIAGES: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780060929305
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity
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Fresh Take: Chelsey Goodan on How Parents Underestimate Their Teenage Girls
Why are stereotypes of teenage girls rarely flattering? And what important traits are we not acknowledging in these young women? Chelsey Goodan, author of the new book UNDERESTIMATED: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls, explains what teenage girls really want and need from us.
Chelsey and Amy discuss:
- The generational shift towards a culture of support and empowerment among young girls today
- The significance of offering agency to young girls in shaping their identities and futures
- What teenage girls want from their parents more than anything else
Here's where you can find Chelsey:
- https://www.chelseygoodan.com
- @chelseygoodan on IG and X
- Buy UNDERSTIMATED: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668032688
- https://www.democrashe.org/
- https://www.acalltomen.org/about/
Amy also mentions our Fresh Take with Judith Warner in this episode: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/fresh-take-judith-warner-on-what-grownups-get-wrong-about-middle-school/
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What Can We Add? What Can We Take Away?
The human tendency to solve problems by adding something is called "additive solution bias." However, sometimes a problem is more quickly and effectively solved by taking something away.
In this episode we talk about how "additive solution bias" can play out in our parenting strategies, and how we can become more aware of the times when what we actually need to do is take something away.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why our brains are wired to solve problems by adding things
- How additive solution bias increases along with the size of the problem we're attempting to solve
- Why removing something, or doing less, isn't automatically easier
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Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Diana Kwon for Scientific American: "Our Brain Typically Overlooks This Brilliant Problem-Solving Strategy"
- Gabrielle S. Adams, et. al for Nature: "People systematically overlook subtractive changes"
- Less is more: Why our brains struggle to subtract
- Anthony Sanni: Additive Bias—and how it could be affecting your productivity
- Braess's paradox
- Rachel Fairbank for Lifehacker: "Why You Should 'Subtract' From Your Parenting"
- SUBTRACT by Leidy Klotz
- Our Fresh Take with Amanda Montell
- Our Fresh Take with Yael Schonbrun
- THE SENSORY CHILD GETS ORGANIZED by Carolyn Dalgliesh
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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DEEP DIVE: Kate Mangino on Increasing Gender Equity
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
Kate Mangino, PhD, is a gender expert and professional facilitator who has been working internationally for nearly 20 years. She is the author of the new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equity at Home, an informed guide about how readers can rewrite harmful gender norms and create greater household equity.
Here's where you can find Kate:
- https://www.katemangino.com
- @ManginoKate on X
- Buy EQUAL PARTNERS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250276117
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, household equity, household equality, gender household equality, gender household equity
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Fresh Take: Amanda Montell and the Age of Magical Overthinking
Cognitive biases are self-deceptive thought patterns we all use to make sense of the world. In a world that makes less and less sense, Amanda Montell argues, humans have become more irrational than ever. In her new book THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING, Montell explains how our brains' coping mechanisms have become overloaded—and how to slow down our panic responses when the world becomes too overwhelming.
Amanda, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How magical overthinking has manifested from the modern age of mass information overload and an epidemic of loneliness
- The types of cognitive biases that comprise magical overthinking, such as the sunk cost fallacy, the halo effect, and proportionality bias
- Strategies to combat the negative effects of magical overthinking
Here's where you can find Amanda:
- https://amandamontell.com/
- @amanda_montell on IG
- Buy THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668007976
- Listen to the "Sounds Like a Cult" podcast
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manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities,
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Do We Share Too Much About Our Kids Online?
We all know what extreme "oversharenting" is when we see it. It's the gray areas that get harder. When we post about our kid's adventures in potty training, are we supposed to think twice?
What will happen when our kids are old enough to want to curate their own internet presence?
How concerned should we be about the privacy we may have given away without thinking?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- the digital footprint and the "right to be forgotten"
- what to check in your privacy settings
- when to start asking kids for permission before you post
- the benefits we gain from sharing about our families online
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Zoya Garg, Elmer Gomez and Luciana Yael Petrzela for the NY Times: "If You Didn't 'Sharent,' Did You Even Parent?"
- Sean Coughlan for the BBC: "'Sharenting' puts young at risk of online fraud"
- Fortesa Latifi for Cosmopolitan: "What’s the Price of a Childhood Turned Into Content?"
- Fortesa Latifi for Cosmopolitan: "'We’re Never Doing This Again': What It Took for These Parenting Influencers to Pull Their Kids Offline"
- Paula Cocozza for The Guardian: "‘I was so embarrassed I cried’: do parents share too much online?"
- Amy Webb for Slate: "We Post Nothing About Our Daughter Online"
- Jennifer Valentino-DeVries and Michael H. Keller for the NY Times: "A Marketplace of Girl Influencers Managed by Moms and Stalked by Men"
- Megan Francis: When Your “Worst-Mom Moment” Becomes A Viral Meme (And How The “Surfboard Kid” Became A Man)
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DEEP DIVE: It's Not "Nagging"
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
Want to see a mother get mad? Tell her she's "nagging" you after she's been obligated to repeat an entirely reasonable request several times over. And just why is "nagging" a word that's almost exclusively applied to women?
We need the other members of our households to show up and do their share. As the default parents, we own the lists. So do we stop caring whether others like how we ask and remind? Do we enforce a back-to-one where we're not forced to ask repeatedly in the first place?
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The sexism and etymology of the word "nag"
- What Amy says are the three types of "nagging," and why we should separate them out
- What to say when our repeated asking is framed as annoying to other people (guess to whom it's also annoying, too?)
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jessica Zhang on LinkedIn: "What's In a Nag?"
- Episode from If Books Could Kill podcast: "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
- McClelland, T., & Sliwa, P: "Gendered affordance perception and unequal domestic labour."
- Our episode with Lynyetta Willis on "Stable Misery"
- Our episode with Eve Rodsky on "Changing the Invisible Workload"
- Anne Helen Petersen's newsletter Culture Study
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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Fresh Take: Diane Boden, "Minimalist Moms"
Is it even possible to declutter your home for more than one minute at a time when you've got kids? Diane Boden, host of the Minimalist Moms podcast, offers parenting tips for cutting down on possessions in a manageable way.
Diane Boden is the host of the Minimalist Moms Podcast and author of Minimalist Moms: Living and Parenting with Simplicity. She lives in Ohio with her husband and three kids.
Diane, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- What minimalism can mean for different people
- Simple steps for starting the decluttering process—and some more radical strategies too
- How to reconcile different set points for clutter between parenting partners
- How to deal with family members who love giving gifts
Here's where you can find Diane:
- minimalistmomspodcast.com
- @minimalistmomspodcast on all socials
- Buy MINIMALIST MOMS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781642505092
- Listen to the Minimalist Moms podcast
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How Involved Should We Be with Our Kids' Schools?
How do we help our kids succeed in school without becoming the dreaded "snowplow" parents? Here are some parenting tips for advocating for your child at school when necessary, while also empowering our kids to navigate their own learning.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How school environments have changed in the last few decades
- Best practices for helping kids of different ages manage homework
- How to start a productive conversation with your child's educators about concerns you may have
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jenny Anderson for TIME Magazine: "Many American Parents Have No Idea How Their Kids Are Doing in School"
- Carrie Bauer, et. al, for Slate: Help Me Help My Kid
- Libby Stanford for Education Week: "Does Parent Involvement Really Help Students? Here’s What the Research Says"
- U.S. Department of Education: "Raise the Bar: Resources for Parents and Families"
- Cara Goodwin for KQED's Mind/Shift: "How important is homework, and how much should parents help?"
- See our interview with Jennifer Breheny Wallace - author of Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It
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DEEP DIVE: Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it.
In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust
- Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships
- Why couples always have the same fight
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Maslow's hierarchy of needs
- Matthew's recent article in The Atlantic
- Our episode with Eve Rodsky on changing the invisible workload
Here's where you can find Matthew:
- matthewfray.com
- Buy Matthew's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063072251
- FB: @matthewfrayMBTTTR
- IG: @frayrelationships
- Twitter: @MBTTTR
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Fresh Take: Amy Shoenthal on "The Setback Cycle"
If setbacks are so common, especially in the trenches of motherhood, how can we learn useful lessons from them? Amy Shoenthal, author of the new book THE SETBACK CYCLE, offers a framework for navigating setbacks and becoming stronger because of them.
Amy Shoenthal is a journalist, marketing consultant and a contributor to Forbes Women and Harvard Business Review.
Shoenthal and Margaret discuss:
- Why our brains learn more from setbacks than successes and why people who have setbacks are better at problem solving
- Shoenthal's four-phase framework for navigating setbacks
- The "motherhood penalty" that women in the workforce experience
Here's where you can find Amy Shoenthal:
- www.thesetbackcycle.com
- @amysho on Instagram and Twitter
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyshoenthal/
- Buy THE SETBACK CYCLE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798888451687
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Our Lowest-Stake Conspiracy Theories
We asked our listeners to tell us their lowest-stakes conspiracy theories, and as usual, you all really came through! Whether it's gum with flavor that goes extinct in thirty seconds or less, or printers that indicate the need for new ink well ahead of schedule, here are all the extremely minor daily occurrences that just may have sinister planning behind them. We're just asking questions here.
Amy mentions this I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE sketch in this episode: "That's a Chunky" sketch
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DEEP DIVE: When Our Partners Just Don't Get It
This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here.
Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK??
There is evidence that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we find labor divisions that work for everyone?
In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss:
- What the science says about relationships post-children
- Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably
- Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities
Here are links to some of the resources we mention:
- The Infamous "Husband Crimes" episode
- What Happens to a Marriage After Having Children?
- Fighting Constantly After Baby? Read This.
- 9 Signs That a Relationship Just Can't Be Saved
- And a bonus from the Husband Crimes archives: Kurt Vonnegut's attempt at gender equity
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Fresh Take: Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld on Maintaining Healthy Connection with Our Kids
How can we maintain a strong attachment to our kids as they begin to look to their peers for approval instead of their parents? Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld explain the crucial importance of remaining attached to our children as they grow in their new and revised edition of their book HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS.
Dr. Gordon Neufeld is an internationally renowned psychologist and foremost authority on child development, and founder of the Neufeld Institute. Dr. Gabor Maté is a renowned speaker and bestselling author, highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development.
Amy, Dr. Maté, and Dr. Neufeld discuss:
- Why "peer orientation" doesn't actually have to be the way things go
- How cultural shifts in society have accelerated the rise of peer orientation
- How we can reattach to our children and remain their most important role model
Here's where else you can find Dr. Maté and Dr. Neufeld:
- gabormatemd (IG); @DrGaborMate (X); Gabor Maté (FB)
- @NeufeldInst (X); Neufeld Institute (FB)
- Buy HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780375760280
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Making the "Invisible Workload" Visible
What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task?
It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about
- pushing back on "weaponized incompetence"
- the difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes
- The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids
Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode:
- Our interview with Eve Rodsky
- Mac Daniel for Harvard Radcliffe Institute: "The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor"
- FAIR PLAY by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943
- EMOTIONAL LABOR by Rose Hackman: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250777355
- THIS AMERICAN EX-WIFE by Lyz Lenz: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241127
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DEEP DIVE: Teaching Kids Patience
We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist.
If a three-year-old can't wait thirty seconds more for dinner, will she grow up to be an impatient adult? Is there anything we can do to teach our kids patience– and should we?
Impatience is completely normal in kids (not to mention grownups), but there are ways to help our children develop this skill. It's worth the effort– not to make our kids more compliant and quiet in church, but because patience and overall happiness, as it turns out, are highly correlated.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why impatience is developmentally appropriate- and when kids are ready to become more patient
- The infamous "marshmallow experiment"
- How to model patience for our kids (and find a little more happiness ourselves)
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Steve Calechman for Greater Good Magazine: "How to Help Your Kids Be a Little More Patient"
- Angel E Navidad for SimplyPsychology: "Marshmallow Test Experiment and Delayed Gratification"
- Scholastic Parents: "Teaching Patience"
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Fresh Take: Kelley Coleman on Parenting a Disabled Child
How can we get our disabled children the support to which they are entitled? How do we find the confidence that we're adequate enough to provide what they need? Kelley Coleman, parent of a disabled child and author of the new book EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD, provides practical advice and templates for navigating systems and accessing services.
Kelley and Amy discuss:
- Kelley's personal story of parenting her disabled son and the challenges she's faced
- the frustrating experience of "reinventing the wheel" for each parent of a disabled child
- why the language of disability matters—and why it was the first thing Kelley had to learn
- why the best place to get real, practical information is often from other parents—until we become the informed parents
Here's where you can find Kelley:
- https://www.kelleycoleman.com
- @hellokelleycoleman on IG
- Buy EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306831706
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When One Family Member's Moods Are Running the House
What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills.
In this episode, we discuss:
- the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house
- why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal"
- the single most important factor for positive family well-being
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our episode "When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"
- Nicole Schwarz for imperfectfamilies.com: When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored
- Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner
- Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide
- Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings
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DEEP DIVE: Getting Your Kids To Talk To You
We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist.
Getting your kid to talk to you is never easy (unless you’re standing with car keys in hand, front door ajar, 15 minutes late for an appointment). Here are some parenting strategies that work to get kids talking at every age.
Based upon empirical evidence, “How was school today?” is the most annoying question a mom could ever ask. So why bother trying?
Because Jennifer Kolari, author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid, says getting our kids to open up is part of our job description:
It’s our job as parents to help our kids sort through and process the things that happen to them during the day. “They don’t have the higher-order thinking to do it on their own yet.
In this episode we lay out what gets our kids to talk– at every age and stage.
Margaret says you have to “talk the talk that arrives.”
But Amy comes at it armed with research; if her ninth-grader wants to talk NBA draft, she’s ready to lean in.
Both of us plan to work on what Marie Roker Jones calls “listening with the intent to understand.”
Here’s links to some research and hilarious takes on this topic that we mention in this episode:
- Alice Bradley for Lifehacker Offspring: Stop Asking Your Kid About Their Day
- Marie Roker-Jones for Good Men Project: 10 Ways to Get Your Son to Open Up and Talk to You
- Clare Gagne for Today’s Parent: Age-By-Age Guide To Getting Your Kid To Talk
- Liz Evans for Huffington Post: 25 Ways to Ask Your Kids ‘So How Was School Today?’ Without Asking Them ‘So How Was School Today?’
- The Ungame
- …and some perfect viewing for you and your teenager: Maddie Corman’s wonderful short film How Was Your Day?
How do you get your kids to open up? Let us know!
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Fresh Take: Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike on the Montessori Child
How can we make the parent-child relationship peaceful and enjoyable? Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike, authors of THE MONTESSORI CHILD, explain Montessori parenting strategies and why they're useful for raising independent children.
Simone Davies hosts the blog The Montessori Notebook, and Junnifa Uzodike sits on the executive board of the International Montessori Association and runs a school in Abuja, Nigeria.
Simone, Junnifa, and Margaret discuss:
- The core tenets of the Montessori parenting philosophy
- What it means to be a parental guide to our children
- How Montessori parenting differs from other parenting styles
Here's where you can find Simone and Junnifa:
- @themontessorinotebook
- @montessori_nduoma
- Buy THE MONTESSORI CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523512416
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Getting Unstuck (with Blaire and Molly from "Unsticking It")
Is creativity the domain of artists and artists alone? How do we get unstuck when we haven't picked up a paintbrush in decades? Blaire Brooks and Molly Lloyd, former hosts of "Toddler Purgatory" and now co-hosts of "Unsticking It," discuss why creativity is accessible to and crucial for everyone, no matter who they are.
Blaire, Molly, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How to disentangle yourself from the "hamster wheel" of everyday life
- How famous artists have found inspiration for their great works
- The overlap between creativity and motherhood
Here's where you can find Blaire and Molly:
- Listen to Unsticking It with Blaire and Molly
- @unsticking_it_podcast on IG
- Watch Molly in her State Farm commercial with Ludacris!
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DEEP DIVE: Getting Kids to Cooperate
We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist.
How do we get our kids to listen to us and do as we ask, without too many tears on either side? Here are some parenting tips for encouraging cooperation in kids (and modeling it ourselves.)
Our listener Alison asked:
I would love some insight into engaging the cooperation of my two boys, 5 and almost 3 years old. At what age is it reasonable to expect them to put away their toys, stay seated for meals, get in the bath without mind games, and get ready for bed in less than 60 minutes? They are capable, but rarely willing, and 8 out of 10 times it's an ordeal. We have routines, we announce transitions in advance, we give them choices and even try to make it fun, but I feel like I am either haranguing them constantly or seething with resentment or both. Do I just accept this is the season of my life? Is cooperation 2 out of 10 times a victory?
Getting kids who are younger than three to "do their share" without a lot of coaxing and singing and clapping is pretty tough. Then when they're about six, kids' "fairness radar" kicks in, and they're much less focused on loading the dishwasher than on complaining about who is not currently helping.
So there are roadblocks to kids' cooperation, to be sure, and in this episode we discuss:
- whether "whistling while they work" might be too much to ask
- how "connecting before directing" works for older kids
- how we can model cooperation and hope our kids get the hint. (It's worth a shot.)
Here are links to some other writing and books that we discuss in this episode:
- Our Fresh Take with Michaeleen Doucleff
- Cameron Kleimo for Motherly: How to get your kids to listen—without yelling
- Shelley Phillips for Lifehack: 6 Secrets to Getting Kids to Cooperate
- Terry Orlick: Cooperative Games and Sports
- Frank McCourt: Angela's Ashes
- Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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Fresh Take: Gwenna Laithland, "Momma Cusses"
What is the happy parenting medium between raising our kids with zero boundaries, and yelling until we're blue in the face? Gwenna Laithland is creator of the wildly popular @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram, and author of the new book Momma Cusses: A Field Guide to Responsive Parenting & Trying Not to Be the Reason Your Kid Needs Therapy.
Gwenna explains in this interview how she eventually found her way to what she calls "responsive parenting." We also discuss:
- why there's no such thing as a "parenting expert"
- how responsive parenting helps parents become more intentional, empathetic, and emotionally available
- how helping kids regulate their emotions has to start with our modeling how to regulate our own .
Here's where you can find Momma Cusses:
- @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram
- @thismommacusses on Facebook
- Pleasant Peasant Media on YouTube
- buy the MOMMA CUSSES book! https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250882660
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, gentle parenting, responsive parenting
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Two Things Can Be True
In a disagreement two things can feel like opposites—but it can still be a fact that both things are true.
You wish they'd listen; they wish you'd not get so angry.
Your kid isn't going to that unsupervised sleepover; your kid is going to be furious about that for weeks.
When we start allowing for coexisting differences of opinion—when we stop feeling like the other person can only be super-wrong before we get what we want—something like change can start to occur. The idea that two things can be true dates back to the ancient Greeks, and in this episode, we discuss
- the history of dialectical thinking
- why our lizard brains love to overcategorize
- how we can use the "two things can be true" script in our parenting
We're still figuring out how this works for ourselves, but the effort seems well worth it.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Dr. Becky on Instagram: How to Respond to Pushback With Firmness and Connection
- Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman: Two Things Can Be True
- Paul Sonderegger for Quartz: Forget the Turing Test—give AI the F. Scott Fitzgerald Test instead
- Steven Reidbrd M.D. for Psychology Today: "Dialectics in Psychotherapy"
- Oakwise Counseling: "Two Opposing Things Can Be True"
- The poem "Good Bones" by Maggie Smith
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, dialectic thinking, two things can be true
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DEEP DIVE: Is Comparing Our Kids Ever Useful?
We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist.
Why is it siblings so often seem to be total opposites?
If we notice that and lean into comparisons, are we bad parents?
And if our kids really are completely different, are they choosing those divergent paths on purpose? Yes and no. Here's why kids in the same family can turn out so differently, and what it means for us as we parent them.
In this episode we discuss:
- The definition of "adaptive divergence"
- The difference between knowing our kids and comparing them
- Why each of our children, even in the same household, grow up in their own "micro environments"
At the end of the day, we're wired to compare our kids as naturally as breathing. And instead of punishing ourselves for doing so, noticing when we do it and why is a good start. Even if you think you already know everything about your kids, keep your data intake sheets open!
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Lynn Berger for Mother Mag: "How (Not To) Compare Your Children"
- Dr. Frank Sulloway: "Why Siblings Are Like Darwin’s Finches: Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Adaptive Divergence within the Family"
- Jensen, Alexander C et al. in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence: “Parents' Social Comparisons of Siblings and Youth Problem Behavior: A Moderated Mediation Model.”
- Sheryl Ziegler for The Tot: "Why raising your kids differently is actually a good thing"
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, middle child, birth order, siblings
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Fresh Take: Ginny Yurich of "1000 Hours Outside"
How do kids play differently when they're outside? What are the benefits of unstructured play and giving kids more agency over their leisure time? Ginny Yurich, host of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast and founder of the 1000 Hours Outside movement, explains why getting our kids outside every day that we can reaps real benefits for kids' physical, cognitive, and social well-being.
In this interview Ginny, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- the ways time outside benefits kids that you might not have heard of
- why a few bumps and bruises are worth what kids can learn from taking risks
- the essential role of friends and community in outdoor play... if you're going to spend a thousand hours outside this year, get a friend with kids who's willing to try it with you!
Here's where you can find Ginny:
- Listen to The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
- www.1000hoursoutside.com
- @1000hoursoutside on all socials
- Ginny's book UNTIL THE STREETLIGHTS COME ON: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781540903402
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The Parents Had a Point
Were the concerns of Nemo's father actually pretty reasonable? Was Mrs. Doubtfire the bad guy? Were Baby's parents in Dirty Dancing... actually kind of right?
We asked our listeners which movies and TV shows they perceive differently as parents, plus a few of our own. We also discuss:
- which child actor Margaret scarily resembles
- the weirdest Disney movie of all time, in terms of it ostensibly being aimed at children
- the one thing that could save every Disney princess problem in five minutes
Read the original thread in our Facebook group!
mom friends, funny moms, Disney movies, family movies, family programming
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DEEP DIVE: Why Are Our Kids Such Total Opposites?
We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist.
It’s not your imagination: kids raised in the same family really do push in opposite directions– and we mean POLAR opposites, especially for closely-spaced or same-sex siblings. But why the de-identification? And how is it even possible for kids reared in the same environment to be so completely different?
In this episode we discuss:
- the three theories social scientists have about this phenomenon
- why siblings may “evolve” like Darwin’s finches
- how “the shy one” in a given family may not be that shy at all- except compared to that outgoing sibling
- what parents need to watch out for in terms of leaning in to these (sometimes oversimplified) categories
Here’s links to the fascinating research, and stuff that it reminded us of, discussed in this episode:
- Alix Spiegel for NPR: Siblings Share Genes, But Rarely Personalities
- NYT: Each Sibling Experiences a Different Family
- Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr Denise Daniels: Why are Children in the Same Family So Different From One Another?
- Dr. Frank Sullaway: Why Siblings Are Like Darwin’s Finches: Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Adaptive Divergence within the Family
- Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr. Judy Dunn: Why Are Siblings So Different? The Significance of Differences in Sibling Experiences Within the Family
- Science Daily: Parents’ Comparisons Make Siblings Different
- Dr. Alexander Jensen and Dr. Susan McHale: What makes siblings different? The development of sibling differences in academic achievement and interests.
- Amy’s yin-and-yang sons, born on the Chinese days of Greatest Heat (Dashu) and Deepest Snow (Daxue)
- the hilarious book Hyperbole and a Half, with its “Hot Sauce” reminder of what happens when we lean too hard into what we maybe only *think* are our children’s defining characteristics
- and our own episode discussing birth order and how it shapes our kids’ personalities.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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Fresh Take: Charles Duhigg on Supercommunicators
How can we make our kids - and ourselves - feel truly listened to in our day-to-day conversations? Charles Duhigg, author of the new book SUPERCOMMUNICATORS, explains how to create meaningful connection in the parent/child relationship.
Charles Duhigg is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better. He is a staff writer at The New Yorker and was previously a reporter at the New York Times.
Charles and Margaret discuss:
- The three types of conversations and why the distinction among them is important
- How we can connect with others when we have deep personal disagreements
- How our communication skills are connected to our happiness
Here's where you can find Charles:
- https://www.charlesduhigg.com/
- Instagram: @charlesduhigg
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/charlesduhigg
- FB: @CharlesDuhigg
- Buy SUPERCOMMUNICATORS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593243916
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,
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The Power of "Not Yet"
When we worry about our kids being behind on reaching milestones, that's natural. When we fear it's proof of our own terrible parenting, that's our anxiety taking over. Here's how to reframe kids' development in a way that lessens our mom guilt and feelings of failure: the power of "not yet"
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why we feel so anxious when our kids aren't developing the way we think they should
- How we can show our kids that we believe in them—and why that helps us too
- Why humans learn more from mistakes than from things we get right
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Sarina Natkin: The Power of Not Right Now
- Leo The Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus
- TED Talk Tuesday: The Power of Yet
- Our episode "Growth Mindset"
- Carol Dweck at TEDxNorrkoping: The power of believing that you can improve
- Neuroscience News: Mindful Mistakes: How Brains Learn from Errors
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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DEEP DIVE: Middle Kids
This is one of our deep dives on how kids are shaped by their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist.
Most people believe middle children are prone to feeling insecure and left out because they get less attention. Their primary emotional state? Jealousy of siblings. Studies show that we think these problems are real and inescapable. A City College of New York study found participants were most likely to use words like “overlooked” to describe middle children— while completely unlikely to use the word “spoiled.”
Psychologist Dr. Alfred Adler first proposed a “middle child syndrome” in the 1920s, and ever since, most of us have assumed the Jan-Brady worst. But Dr. Adler also believed that middle children’s place in the birth order made them “uniquely poised to succeed.” Are we getting it wrong? Are there lifelong benefits for kids who grow up neither the pressured oldest nor the coddled youngest?
In this episode we discuss:
- “middleborns” vs “classic middles"
- the negativity of the “middle child syndrome,” and whether or not it bears out
- why middle children are more independent and open-minded
- why middle children have a greater appetite for risk
- how the “ambient neglect” a middle child sometimes receives can be an incredible gift
Writer Adam Sternbergh, himself a middle, says that "being a middle child is not something you aspire to; it’s something that happens to you.” While that may be true, it also turns out that we should perhaps all be jealous of them. Being a middle kid can be secretly great.
Here's links to research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode:
- Adam Sternbergh for The Cut: The Extinction of the Middle Child
- Dr. Catherine Salmon: The Secret Power of Middle Children: How Middleborns Can Harness Their Unexpected and Remarkable Abilities
- Lindsay Dodgson for Business Insider: 'Middle child syndrome' doesn't actually exist — but it still might come with some surprising psychological advantages
- Risk-taking middle-borns: A study on birth-order and risk preferences
- Abi Berwager Schreier for Romper: Do Middle Children Really Have More Issues? Jan Brady Wasn't The Only One
- Alphaparent: Optimum Family Size Facts
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Fresh Take: Dr. Kevin Simon on What Parents Need to Know About Kids and Substance Use
How can we prevent our kids from developing substance use disorders? Dr. Kevin Simon is an Attending Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Addiction Medicine Specialist at Boston Children's Hospital and an instructor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. In this interview, Dr. Simon explains
- The different ways that kids use substances, and why they use
- What puts kids at higher use for developing addiction
- Why the "just a sip at home" strategy isn't a good idea
- What to watch for in order to intervene sooner
Here's where you can find Dr. Simon:
- https://www.kevinsimonmd.com/publications
- @DrKMSimon on IG, X, and LinkedIn
Here links to a few resources mentioned in the episode:
Felice J Freyer for the Boston Globe: "Boston's New Mental Health Czar Lays Out His Goals"
"This Is Your Brain on Drugs" PSA
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I Love My Family But...
What words, phrases, or annoying habits do you wish your family would just quit once and for all? Here's what our funny mom friends had to say.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- What rules work in Margaret's house
- What behaviors cause them to "catch a bit of an attitude"
- Which tropical islands they would run away to if given the chance
Read the original thread on Facebook here
Listen to Molly and Blaire's new podcast Unsticking It!
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DEEP DIVE: Birth Order: Can We Fight It?
We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist.
Is birth order a thing to fight back against? Is there a way to make the older child less stressed, and the baby maybe a little *more* motivated? And is it a problem if our own birth order has shaped who we are as adults and how we parent?
We think the answer is: not really. These stereotypes are so ingrained because the effects of birth order are real. But that's not to say the things that result are all negative, or completely determinative, or that your middle kid is doomed to a life of unhappiness just because she was unlucky enough to get a younger sibling.
Still, awareness of the effects of birth order seems important, if only to catch ourselves when we're inadvertently reinforcing those roles. That's when we can give the youngest a little more responsibility, the oldest a little less– and let the middle kid pick what’s for dinner once in a while.
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Fresh Take: Kelly Corrigan on Letting Big Kids Go
What does it mean to parent grown children? How can we embrace those changing relationships? Kelly Corrigan, host of "Kelly Corrigan Wonders", four-time New York Times bestselling author, and the host of PBS’ long-form interview show Tell Me More, talks with Amy about the process of letting our big kids go.
Kelly and Amy discuss:
- why the thing our older kids might most want to hear from us is, simply, "I know"
- why mothers and fathers might get different versions of the same stories from their kids
- Kelly's top advice for younger parents
Here's where you can find Kelly:
- https://www.kellycorrigan.com/
- @kellycorrigan on IG
- Listen to Kelly's podcast "Kelly Corrigan Wonders"
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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How Is It Still Winter? Stuff for Kids to Do When They're Stuck Inside
Need some new indoor activities for kids? Are you completely out of ways to keep your little ones busy while winter's cold and icky weather continues to drag on? Bundling up and going outside is worth the trouble, when you can make it happen—but when you can't, here's how to make those long and boring days inside more fun.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The "third quarter phenomenon"
- How to change things up to create new experiences out of old toys for kids
- Listener tips for keeping kids occupied on cold, rainy, or snowy days
Here are links to some of the things mentioned in the episode:
- Elmo checks in on all of us this week: Elmo on Twitter / X
- Watch this interview with Elmo and his dad Louie on TODAY
- Nathan Smith and Gro Mjeldheim Sandal for Astronautics: "The third-quarter phenomenon: the psychology of time in space"
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Ask Margaret: How Do I Help My Kids Through a Big Move?
What can we do to help our kids feel welcome and make friends in a new town? Margaret shares her own parenting tips for helping kids adjust after a big move.
A listener asks:
"We're about to move across the country and I'm wondering what are the steps we need to take to "make friends" and help the kids do the same. What are some ways you can suggest for them to "break into" the already formed groups that I'm sure their new schools will still have? Also, it will be a very strange dynamic because in the fall, I will have one in high school, one in middle, and one in elementary. Send help!"
Margaret suggests reaching out to the community you're moving to ahead of time and trying to make connections before you get there. Even just one person to talk to in your new hometown can be really helpful.
When it comes to your kids, find groups that they might want to be a part of, whether it's theater, soccer, or Scouts, and contact the leaders of those groups to tell them your kid will be coming. See if you can get one kid from that group over for a playdate in advance so your child has one familiar face to latch onto when they walk into their new school.
If you arrive during the summer before school starts, sign your kid up for the town camp or other camps with kids from the school district.
Lastly, check in with your kid (and yourself) at 3, 6, and 9 months out from the move. Assess how it's going for everyone and, if it's not going well, where you can redouble your efforts to make connections. It can take up to a year to feel fully rooted in a new place.
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, problem solving, moving, moving with kids, prepping kids for move
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Fresh Take: Adam Flaherty and Marc Checket of "Modern Dadhood"
What's the difference between being a father and being a dad? What does it mean for a man to become intentional about fatherhood as an integral part of his identity? Adam Flaherty and Marc Checket, co-hosts of the "Modern Dadhood" podcast, discuss how fatherhood has and hasn't changed in the last few decades.
Amy, Margaret, Adam, and Marc discuss;
- Why women identify (and are identified) as moms more readily than men do as dads
- The difference between "dadhood" and "fatherhood"
- How to make parenting partnerships more equitable
Here's where you can find Adam and Marc:
- http://moderndadhood.com
- Instagram: @moderndadhood
- YouTube: @moderndadhood
- TikTok: @moderndadhoodpodcast
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Why Is It Easier to Solve Other People's Problems?
Why are the solutions to other people's problems so easy, while our own problems seem so much harder? Turns out this phenomenon is real, and even has a name: "Solomon's Paradox."
In this episode we discuss how distance from a situation gives us clearer perspective, and how we might transfer that clarity to the problems in our own lives.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why it's easier to see other people's situations more clearly than our own
- Why it's easier for us to see what our kids need to do in sticky situations than for them to see it
- Why we sometimes may not be solving other people's problems as well as we thought
- How to apply the wisdom we bring friends' issues to our own situations
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Kean Poon: "Hot and Cool Executive Functions in Adolescence: Development and Contributions to Important Developmental Outcomes" from Frontiers in Psychology Journal
- Maggy Elsousou for Medium: "Why It’s So Much Easier To Solve Other People’s Problems Than Your Own"
- Jeannie Ngoc Boulware for University of Chicago: "Conversations on Wisdom: Igor Grossmann"
- Anne Lamott TED Talk: "12 Truths I Learned from Life and Writing"
- Caeleigh MacNeil for Asana: "How the sunk cost fallacy influences our decisions"
- Grossman and Kross: "Exploring Solomon's Paradox: Self-Distancing Eliminates the Self-Other Asymmetry in Wise Reasoning About Close Relationships in Younger and Older Adults" in Psychological Science
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Ask Amy: How Do I Get My 8-Year-Old to Read a Real Book?
How can we get our reluctant readers to read a wider range of books? Here are some parenting strategies for getting kids excited about reading.
Jennifer asks:
"Any thoughts on how to get my eight-year-old son to listen or read anything outside his go-to genre?"
Although Jennifer doesn't specify, it sounds like the go-to genre for an 8-year-old boy is probably some books about gross bodily humor. But remember: kids have to learn to read before they can read to learn. At that young age, many kids are still working really hard to ingest information as they read, so they need something really engaging to make it worth the effort for them.
You can also view the problem as: at least they're reading, and that's good! Even if it's not as educational as you wish it were. Some parenting strategies for encouraging your child to read include modeling reading at home, creating a visual representation of how many books your child has read for them to see, and taking them to the library to get the full book-borrowing experience that many of us loved as children.
Amy suggests the "You Wouldn't Want To Be" series as particularly appealing AND educational for grade-schoolers... you can find those books here: https://www.youwouldntwantto.be/
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Fresh Take: Dr. Linnea Passaler on Healing Your Nervous System
How can busy moms reduce their stress levels in a way that DOESN'T involve the word self-care? Dr. Linnea Passaler, author of the new book HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM, explains the biology behind the stress response and how to address it.
Dr. Linnea Passaler is the founder of ‘Heal Your Nervous System,’ a platform that offers tools and resources to help individuals worldwide understand the root cause of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and physical and emotional symptoms.
Dr. Passaler and Amy discuss:
- When and why our nervous systems become dysregulated
- Where most people run into trouble when trying to become more regulated
- Solutions for shifting to a more regulated state
Here's where you can find Dr. Passaler:
- https://healyournervoussystem.com
- @healyournervoussystem on IG
- Buy HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780760385654
Listen to our interview with Carla Naumberg
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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We Just Don't Get It: Stuff That Everyone Likes But Us
We each have those things that we don't hate, exactly; we just don't get them, don't get why everyone but us is so obsessed.
Our listener Melanie posted in our Facebook group:
I have a show idea! Things that it seems everyone in the world loves, but you don’t get it! For me….Taylor Swift. I don’t get why people lose their minds over her! One of my students went into debt to pay $4000 for a ticket to her concert….and it wasn’t even a good seat!
As usual, hundreds of listeners weighed in about the things they just don't get, from Stanley cups to pretty cookies. Here are some of the widely appealing things that make them—and sometimes us—scratch our heads.
One of the top things Amy doesn't get: Tom Waits.
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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Ask Margaret: What Should I Do When Friends Exclude My Kid?
What parenting advice works when kids are being excluded from friend groups? Margaret shares some parenting strategies for keeping calm ourselves and for modeling healthy behavior when our kids are faced with rejection.
A listener asks:
"Help! My 12-year-old son lost his only friend because his friend's other friends didn't like my son. Most kids find my son annoying. I have tried to explain to him how some of the things he does might make other people feel, but he is quite immature for his age and has ADHD. As a child, I also didn't have many friends. I'm like my mom, not super social, don't know what to do."
One of the best things you can do for your kid is model a healthy response to the situation. Acknowledge that rejection hurts but that it's a normal part of social dynamics in life and it may be a tough season socially for a little while. If you throw logs on the fire by reacting too strongly, it will cue your child to do the same.
Your kid may be in need of some social skills classes if they find friend dynamics tough on a regular basis. It's like learning math or reading - a skill that needs development and practice.
Finally, help your kid find activities outside of school with different friends, so that they have other social circles to fall back on if one goes sour.
Listen to our episode "Kid Friend Breakups" for more parenting tips on social exclusion in kid friend groups.
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Fresh Take: Jessica McCabe on How to ADHD
Finding out that you, or your child, has ADHD can be a great relief: so many things finally make sense. But the diagnosis, and the self-acceptance that comes with it, is just the beginning of the work. Jessica McCabe, author of the new book HOW TO ADHD, tells her own story of learning all that ADHD can affect, and gives helpful tips for living, working, and parenting while neurodiverse.
Jessica McCabe is the creator of the YouTube channel "How to ADHD," where she shares fun, relatable and research-based educational content about ADHD and neurodiversity with her 2 million followers.
Jessica and Amy discuss:
- Jessica's own journey with her ADHD diagnosis—and why it took her so long to understand it
- Why people with ADHD should own and claim it as a disability
- Helpful strategies for daily living for households where family members have ADHD—including the parents
Here's where you can find Jessica:
- https://howtoadhdbook.com
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/howtoadhd
- @howtoadhd on all social platforms (Youtube, Facebook, X, TikTok, Instagram)
- Buy HOW TO ADHD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593578940
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, adhd, adhdawareness, adhdproblems, adhdparent, adhdmom, adhdkids, adhdparenting, adhdlife
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Why Do Moms Get All The Blame?
Mothers have long been held at fault for anything that might occur in their children's lives, from autism ("refrigerator mothers") to colic, and everything in between. Why is there such a long history of blaming everything on Mom?
In this episode, we discuss how mom blame has manifested in both psychology and parenting advice over the years, and how we can start to push back on it in our own lives.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Joseph E. Davis, PhD for Psychology Today: "For a Moratorium on Parent Blaming"
- Mitzi M. Waltz, PhD for the AMA Journal of Ethics: "Mothers and Autism: The Evolution of a Discourse of Blame"
- Rosjke Hasseldine for Medium: "How Mother Blaming Harms the Mother-Daughter Bond"
- Bonnie Zucker for Scary Mommy: "From a Psychologist: No, It's Not All Mom's Fault"
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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Ask Amy: My Kid Is Always Saying "That's Mine!"
It's developmentally appropriate for a toddler to shout "That's mine!" every five seconds instead of sharing. That's because toddlers and preschoolers are still learning what sharing even means. So what should a parent do when they have two little ones who are fighting over every toy?
Our listener Katie sent us a message on Instagram asking:
"I have two boys, the older almost two and a half, the younger a one-year-old (they're 18 months apart). My 2 1/2 year-old just says nonstop, "Nooo, this is mine!" and takes everything away from his little brother all day long. I'm constantly having to keep the younger one away from the older one, otherwise he will try to kick or hit him. It's frustrating and exhausting, and I know it's a normal stage, but I also feel like there must be something I can do to help."
First, a parent should focus on the kicking or hitting, which is the immediate danger. Give that behavior a firm no, and then separate the children as necessary. Don't feel like you have to enforce playing together among kids who are just too young to share. Sharing is a behavior children can only really learn when they're three or four, as they develop what psychologists call "theory of mind."
Sarah MacLaughlin, a social worker and parent educator, recommends that parents "sportscast" what's happening when a child shouts "That's mine!" to give more complete voice to what they're feeling, since they don't have the language to do so yet. For example: "Oh no! Your brother wants to play with the dump truck, but you also want to play with the dump truck. And now you feel so mad!"
Here are some other resources for advice and tips on getting through the "that's mine!" and the no-sharing stages. Rest assured, your children will eventually learn what sharing is, even if they're terrible at it right now.
-Sarah S. MacLaughlin for Zero to Three: "Helping Young Children with Sharing"
-Nurtured First: "3 Tips for the Toddler 'MINE' Stage"
-Harvey Karp, Happiest Toddler on the Block
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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Fresh Take: Andrea Owen of "Make Some Noise"
Self-help culture rewards women and mothers who "stay strong." But that can lead to us people-pleasing even as we struggle, making sure no one sees that we're actually drowning. Andrea Owen, host of the Make Some Noise podcast, explains how some conventional self-help advice needs to be kicked to the curb.
Andrea Owen is also a professionally-certified life coach and the author of three books, including How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t: 14 Habits that are Holding You Back from Happiness.
In this episode Andrea, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Being a "compassionate witness"
- Quieting our inner critic
- Why it's okay to fall apart sometimes
Here's where you can find Andrea:
-@heyandreaowen on IG, FB, and TikTok
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Why Kids Need More Time To Play
Kids have a less time for unsupervised, unstructured play than they did 40-50 years ago. Kids are also a lot less happy then they were back then. But has one actually caused the other? A new study says it has.
Psychologist Dr. Peter Gray and his associates at Boston College recently published the paper Decline in independent activity as a cause of decline in children's mental well-being, which suggests that the decline in play and the decline in children's well-being are directly correlated:
“Our thesis is that a primary cause of the rise in mental disorders (among children and teens) is a decline over decades in opportunities for children and teens to play, roam and engage in other activities, independent of direct oversight and control by adults.”
In this episode we discuss the fascinating research explored in this study, the difference in our freewheeling neighborhood childhoods and our own kids' more curated daily existences, and how letting our children take independent risks—and even get a few bumps and bruises— is setting them up for a sense of well-being that is all their own.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast is new to Adalyst Media! 200 episodes of inspiration on how to reclaim the finite moments of childhood through prioritizing outdoor play.
our recent Fresh Take with Dr. Camilo Ortiz
Peter Gray, et. al: "Decline in Independent Activity as a Cause of Decline in Children’s Mental Wellbeing," Journal of Pediatrics
Mia Venkat, Kathryn Fox, Juana Summers for NPR: "How lack of independent play is impacting children's mental health"
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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Ask Margaret: How Do I Get My Baby Sleeping Through the Night?
How do we start to get our babies sleeping through the night, and how do we know whether they're old enough to do so? Margaret shares what worked for her when she had little ones.
For at least the first eight weeks of a baby's life, ignore the people telling you that your baby needs to be on a schedule. Their schedule is feeding upon demand, and that's going to involve some nighttime wakings.
Once the baby is at least eight weeks old, and with your pediatrician's go-ahead, you can start to shape the baby's day versus their night. Day should be bright, exciting, and lively. Night should be dark, calm, and quiet. When the baby wakes up during the night, they should be put back to sleep with minimal activity and sound—feedings and changing of diapers should be quiet and quick.
It can help to send in the non-breastfeeding partner for the first waking of the night to get the baby back to sleep without feeding, and to start building longer stretches of time where the baby will sleep.
Always consult your pediatrician for the best advice about how/when your baby should sleep!
Margaret recommends Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp as a good resource.
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Fresh Take: Dr. Camilo Ortiz on How to Help Kids With Anxiety
Can we make kids more anxious by being too protective? If kids are statistically safer than ever, why does it feel so hard to keep our kids safe?
Psychologist Dr. Camilo Ortiz explains how such overparenting can be counterproductive for kids, and how to take a step back. Dr. Ortiz is the developer of "Independence Therapy," a new treatment for child anxiety.
Margaret and Dr. Ortiz discuss:
-why kids today have less freedom
-how less freedom contributes to anxiety in kids
-how the definition of "good parenting" has changed over the years
Here's where you can find Dr. Ortiz:
-X: @DrCamiloOrtiz
-https://drcamiloortiz.squarespace.com/
-Dr. Camilo Ortiz and Lenore Skenazy for the NYT: "This Simple Fix Could Help Anxious Kids"
-Listen to our Fresh Take with Lenore Skenazy
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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What We're Taking Into The New Year (with Life Coach Ann Imig)
How can positive psychology help us create more of what we want for ourselves in this new year? Life coach Ann Imig takes Margaret and Amy through some of her coursework and tells us how to connect our already-existing personality strengths to more joy and well-being.
Ann Imig is an award-winning writer, speaker, and performer, currently working as a certified positive psychology life coach. In 2010 she created the nationwide storytelling series and book titled Listen to Your Mother.
Ann, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
-taking stock of the previous year and using that knowledge to create what's next
-how the character strengths quiz can help you create more well-being
-how to get more of what we want in 2024
Here's where you can find Ann Imig:
-Get a free 30-minute consultation with Ann!
-Preview the "Year BEGIN" Workshop
-Listen to Ann's podcast "It's Pronounced Memwah" with Wendy Aarons and Mariana Olenko
-Take the character strengths quiz: https://viacharacter.org/
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new year, resolutions, positive psychology
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Ask Amy: All My Kids Do Is Fight!
Do your kids fight as much as they breathe? It's as normal as it is infuriating. This week Amy answers a question from our Instagram page:
Man, am I struggling. My kids are four and two and all they do is fight. It’s constant. (The four year old is a girl and the two year old is a boy.) They hit, scream, fight, all morning and night. I try not to react too much, but... you get the idea.
This kind of fighting is definitely in the #itgetsbetter category, but it's an extremely intense season while you're in it. The first thing to let go of is that siblings should get along, love each other, live in perfect harmony. For the next six months or a year, keep them separate! One in the yard, one in the playroom. One coloring in the kitchen, one playing trucks on the windowsill. Lower any expectations you have around what they should be doing together, and the fighting will go down.
Blank-facing is the other arrow in your quiver. Fighting is not interesting to you. If someone is actually hurt, tend to the injured party and give as little attention as possible– even negative attention– to the instigator.
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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BEST OF: Ryan Wexelblatt on How To Help Kids With ADHD Succeed
If you're parent of a child with ADHD, you are familiar with the battles of will that can result. What are the best ways to help kids with ADHD succeed without either coddling them or coming down too hard on them? Are you the parent of a child with ADHD who feels like nothing you try is working?
Ryan Wexelblatt, also known as the "ADHD Dude," is here to help. Ryan, a licensed clinical social worker and father to a son with ADHD, creates content for the ADHDude YouTube channel and ADDitude Magazine. Ryan also provides parent training, in-person school-year programs, and a summer camp for boys.
Ryan, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
-How to talk to kids with siblings who have ADHD
-Why behavior prompts actually don't help long-term
-How to use scaffolding to build important skills for kids
Firm boundaries and consistency, rather than permissive parenting or special treatment, are going to help kids with ADHD more in the long-run, Ryan explains. Helping kids visualize the consequences of their actions– whether those kids have ADHD or not– is a good first step.
Here's where you can find Ryan:
-@adhddude on YouTube
-@theadhddude on Instagram
-@adhddude.ryanwexelblatt on Facebook
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BEST OF: Things Change, and That's OK! How Parenting Changes as Kids Get Older
Sometimes all the "treasure every moment, Mama" content can make us feel like it's all downhill from here, that as our kids get older, each year of parenting becomes a little less special.
This suspicion is confirmed when we're with our little ones at the grocery store and an older woman takes us in, nods knowingly, then says with a raised eyebrow, "Just you wait."
But wait for what? Does only peril and sass-mouth lie ahead?
In this episode we discuss how parenting changes, and why that change is not to be feared or resisted. Some things honestly change for the better. Some things for sure you miss. But all change is absolutely, totally okay.
For more on this topic, and in particular the answers to "yes but when does it change for the EASIER?", check out our episode Your Life Begins Again When... (The Second Half of Parenting)
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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BEST OF: Lisa Damour Tells Us How To Deal With Teenagers' Big Emotions
Right now there's a mental health crisis among teenagers. But teens are also highly emotional creatures by design. Adolescent psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour thinks the two are starting to get conflated– and that means parents and educators can sometimes overcorrect in their responses to teens' emotional outbursts.
Dr. Lisa Damour co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast and writes about adolescents for the The New York Times, in addition to her clinical practice. She is the author of two New York Times bestsellers: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls.
Dr. Lisa's latest book is called The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents. In this interview Amy and Lisa discuss:
-Why good sleep is the first thing we need to help dysregulated teens solve
-What the pandemic actually revealed about teens' mental health
-Key myths and misconceptions about adolescent emotions
Dr. Lisa says that we– and our teenagers– can gain much by asking if the strong emotion a teen may be feeling is uncomfortable or unmanageable. If it's uncomfortable, learning to sit with that is part of the process of healthy emotional maturation.
Here's where you can find Dr. Lisa Damour:
-our previous interview with Dr. Lisa
-@lisa.damour on IG
-https://www.facebook.com/lisadamourphd
-Buy Lisa's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593500019
mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,
baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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BEST OF: The Smallest Hills We'd Die On
From how to eat a Reese's peanut butter cup, to *not* saving the pandas, to the forever-ban of helium balloons, our listeners are funny moms who are willing to die on some pretty tiny hills. Here's what mountains you all are making out of mole hills– plus a few of our own tiny battles.
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baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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BEST OF: Family Holiday Traditions: The Good, The Bad, The Elf on the Shelf
’Tis the season for traditions— most of that holiday work shopped for, planned, and generally upheld by moms.
And for some of us, sending 300 holiday cards or creating a new tableau for a six-inch elf every night before bed really gets us in the holiday spirit.
But most of us, at this time of year, have more to do than hours to do it. Many of us think we’re done shopping and only then remember Aunt Doris who is impossible to buy for (and has expressed specific disappointment in giftcards). Many of us have kids at whom we may have raised our voices after the fifth or sixth question about when we were going to make all the Christmas cookies this year.
So we asked our listeners:
What are the holiday traditions that you love and work great for your family? What are the things you’d rather never do again but feel like you can’t stop now?
In this episode, we discuss your responses, plus:
-how to get out from under the traditions you wished you never started
-what to consider before letting a new tradition take root (keeping in mind that anything that happens at this time of year will immediately be deemed “something we do every year”)
-why the Elf on the Shelf might be a slippery slope to the full-on surveillance state
-why the joy of anticipation is at least as good as the moment anticipated
-how the Danish concept of hygge factors in to all of this
-easy holiday traditions like “Christmas Adam,” which as far as we can tell mostly involves holiday pajamas and Rankin-Bass specials
Lean into the hygge this holiday season. Push back against the incremental spend, the just running out for one more thing.
Lean into the anticipation, because that’s the sweet spot.
Oh, and Christmas lights. Lots of them. (They do wonders for Seasonal Affective Disorder.)
Special thanks to our guest comedy bit reader for this week: Sean Conroy of The Long Shot Podcast!
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Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Santa, Elf on the Shelf, gift exchange, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,
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Fresh Take: Amy Palanjian of Yummy Toddler Food
Are picky eaters a reflection of their parenting? How in control are moms and das when it comes to kids' willingness to eat a variety of foods?
Amy Palanjian, creator of yummytoddlerfood.com and author of the NYT bestselling book DINNERTIME SOS, is here to reframe our parental anxieties around feeding our kids every single day.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
-where to start when it comes to feeding your picky eater
-why we shouldn't expect kids to "make healthy choices"
-how to make dinnertime less stressful for everyone
Here's where you can find Amy:
-@yummytoddlerfood
-Buy DINNERTIME SOS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593578506
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,
baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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The Most Useful Parenting Tips We Learned in 2023
We look back on our favorite parenting tips and takeaways we learned this year. Here's the Spotify playlist with all of our favorite episodes from 2023!
Here are the parenting experts who changed our thinking the most, the listeners who made us laugh the most, and what we're going to carry with us into the new year.
We also shout out the fantastic small team that makes What Fresh Hell and our podcast network, Adalyst Media, run so smoothly. All women, all amazing.
Our listeners are amazing, too. Thank you for being part of our funny, fun, supportive community. If you haven't yet, join our Facebook group, the last good place on the internet: https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler,
baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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HOLIDAY BEST OF: Handling the Holiday Craziness as a Mom
We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This week we're revisiting "Handling the Holiday Craziness" — need we say more?
Each December 25th, most moms look at a living room full of scattered wrapping paper and vow to do less next year. Then Black Friday rolls around. But can you really downshift on how much Santa brings once a baseline has been established?
This week Amy and Margaret talk about managing the holiday craziness. (Disclaimer: for both of us, that does mean Christmas, although we feel the pain of the Hanukkah Harriets out there, we really do).
Here’s some of what’s discussed in this episode:
-how to get your kids more involved in holiday preparations— at any age
- the very appealing “three kings, three gifts” rule
-how to carefully consider any new holiday “traditions” before instating them (we’re looking at you, Elf on the Shelf)
-how the Laws of Holiday Attrition can work in your favor
-how Amy uses this cookie recipe every December and it’s easy and amazing
-what to do when your spouse gives you a Pajamagram
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mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent
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Fresh Take: Ed Center of Village Well Parenting
How does our cultural upbringing influence the way we parent? Ed Center, founder of Village Well Parenting, discusses how culturally grounded positive parenting can bring connection, joy, and healing to both kid-raisers and educators.
Ed has spent his career supporting low-income, underrepresented youth and adults by helping them gain access to the resources necessary to thrive. He started The Village Well to bring more connection, joy, and healing to families of color.
In this interview, Amy and Ed discuss:
-The lack of attention to diverse cultures and traditions in traditional parenting courses and literature
-How generational wisdom can sometimes come from the same source as generational trauma
-How to stay calm when your children are not
Here's where you can find Ed:
-https://www.villagewellparenting.com
-IG: @villagewellparenting
-FB: @thevillagewell
-TikTok: @queerbrowndad
-Sign up for First Fridays with Ed on this page
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Decision Fatigue- And Why It's Especially Bad For Moms
The average adult makes 35,000 decisions a day. The average "default parent" makes a lot more than that. No wonder we suffer from decision fatigue. The more decisions we have to make, the more fatigue we develop, and the more difficult it can become to function.
So how can we combat the frustration, apathy, and resentment that result from having to make all the decisions in the family?
In this episode we discuss:
-how decision fatigue manifests—and how it differs from burnout
-the best time of day to make hard decisions
-why "going with the flow" is not actually a thing
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Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
-Sara Berg for the American Medical Association: "What doctors wish patients knew about decision fatigue"
-Michelle Adelman for HowStuffWorks: "When's the Best Time of Day to Make a Decision?"
-Lauren Barth for The Bump: "Why the Decision-Fatigue Struggle Is (Still) Real for Parents"
-Frank Graff for PBS North Carolina: "How Many Decisions Do We Make In One Day?"
-Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco for The Washington Post: "For parents, everything feels like a high-stakes decision now. Here’s how to lower the anxiety."
-Ashley Stahl for Forbes: "How Burnout Affects Your Decision-Making Process—And How To Fix It"
-Eva M. Krockow for Psychology Today: "How Many Decisions Do We Make Each Day?"
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HOLIDAY BEST OF: Susan Katz Miller on Interfaith Families at the Holidays
We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This week we're revisiting our interview with Susan Katz Miller, author of THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL.
The holidays are always intense, and if your family is an intersection of multiple traditions, it can really ratchet up the pressure for perfection times two. Which is when it’s time to maintain perspective. As Susan explains:
“I try to help people to understand that if they're having conflict often, it's not about religious difference. It's not about theology. It's not about whether there was an actual physical resurrection or not. It's usually about whether to put the fried onions on the green bean casserole or not.”
In this episode we discuss
-why every family is an interfaith family
-how to reduce conflict about traditions with your spouse’s extended family
-how to help your spouse when the hard feelings are on your family’s side
-how to push back on the pressure to do “both” traditions perfectly
-how to help your kids navigate being of a different faith than most people in your community
-how to handle it when you’re observant but your spouse is not (or vice versa)
-the resentment that can occur when the mom in a family is expected to carry the weight of passing on a religious tradition that's not even hers
It’s worth it to have the conversations, do the work, and delineate a “sacred circle” that works for your immediate family. As Susan explains, when you and your spouse come from different traditions, “you’re going to be doing the work anyhow.” But challenging your own mindset and context is also an incredible opportunity for growth– even if the way your spouse’s family opens their holiday gifts is completely and totally wrong.
Here are links to some other writing on the topic we discuss in this episode:
-Pew Research Center: Why America’s ‘nones’ don’t identify with a religion
-Stina Kielsmeier-Cook: Blessed Are the Nones: Mixed-Faith Marriage and My Search for Spiritual Community: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780830848270
-Buy THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781558968257
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Fresh Take: Amanda Montei on "Touched Out"
What does it mean to be "touched out" as a mom? And once we know it's a thing—as anyone who's experienced it firsthand can attest—is there anything we can actually do about it?
Amanda Montei, author of the popular Substack Mad Woman and the new book TOUCHED OUT, has studied the phenomenon of "maternal touch aversion" in both the literal and metaphorical senses. In this interview, Amanda, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
-what being "touched out" really means—and why guilt and shame often accompanies it
-the "very not normal" conditions of today's American parenting
-how can we can begin to claim the space we want for our own selves, and model that for our children
Here's where you can find Amanda:
-https://www.amandamontei.com/
-Mad Woman Substack: https://amandamontei.substack.com/
-@amontei on IG
-@amanda.montei on Facebook
-Buy TOUCHED OUT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807013274
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What Fresh Hell Is the Holiday Season?
We all have things we dread about the holiday season, whether we celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or a combination of the above. In this episode we are here to list all the "fresh hells" of this time of year, like:
- the terrors of Santa's lap
- the people who are impossible to buy for
- the grandparents who take all of our best gift ideas
- the approaching storm system as you check in for your flight to Nana's
We do love the holidays, though. Really, we do. Remind us of that.
This episode was inspired by this discussion on our Facebook page: What do you dread most about the holiday season?
Join the fun: https://facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
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HOLIDAY BEST OF: It's the Most Everything Time of the Year
We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This week we're revisiting "The Most Everything Time of the Year" and how the intensity really ratches up as soon as Thanksgiving is behind us.
Are you juggling “dress as your favorite reindeer” day at preschool with frantic texts from your sister-in-law asking what your spouse wants for Christmas? Are you feeling like hiding under the covers instead of hitting the office holiday party?
It’s the most everything time of the year, and women report the holidays as being far more stressful than men do.
In this episode we discuss how to manage the holiday stress, how to accept the non-cozy feelings that may arise, and why it’s okay to dial back if you’re really not feeling the holiday spirit.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Pooja Lakshmin on Instagram @womensmentalhealthdoc
- Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research: Holiday Stress
- Harvard Medical School: A holiday advisory for your emotions
- Cedars-Sinai Hospital: Depression and Anxiety Around the Holidays
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Fresh Take: "The Girl Next Door Podcast" on Setting Boundaries
How can we set reasonable limits for our kids without negotiating every single time they're tested? Erica Ladd and Kelsey Wharton, co-hosts of "The Girl Next Door Podcast," discuss tips for setting boundaries—and not just at the holidays, but all year round.
Margaret, Kelsey, and Erica discuss:
- Why holidays are so boundary-crushing
- Everyday actions you can take to practice setting boundaries
- Why boundaries are not just for handling "crazymakers"
Here's where you can find Kelsey and Erica:
- https://www.girlnextdoorpodcast.com/
- @higirlsnextdoor on Instagram
- Listen to the GND episode "Ten Things We're NOT Doing This Christmas"
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Does Having Kids Ruin Your Marriage Forever?
Have you and your spouse slipped into "angry partners at the 24/7 daycare" mode since your baby was born? Here's why relationships change after kids, and some real solutions that can help us get through it.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The number-one reason relationships change after a baby is born
- Helpful perspectives for maintaining sanity during early parenthood
- Small steps for building back connection with your partner
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Jessica Grose for the NYT: Fighting Constantly after Baby? Read This
- Doss BD, et al. The Effect of the Transition to Parenthood on Relationship Quality: An Eight-Year Prospective Study.
- Alex Vance for Verywell Family: 4 Ways To Focus On Your Relationship When the Kids Keep You Busy
- Jessica Grose for the NYT: Bickering More After Kids? Learn how to avoid the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.
- Christina Caron for the NYT: How to Reconnect with Your Partner After Kids
- Judd Apatow: "Who Slept Worse?"
Check out all of the amazing shows in the Adalyst Media podcast network! If you love What Fresh Hell, you'll love our network of sister podcasts.
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HOLIDAY BEST OF: The Holiday Creep
We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This one is about the "holiday creep" which, if you're reading this, has already begun...
"Holiday Creep" is well on its way to being an entry in Merriam-Webster's dictionary. And with good reason. Amy and Margaret bemoan the fact the Christmas seems to start ever earlier, and weigh in on their strategies for managing the gift giving, decorating, and scheduling craziness at this time of year.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why Margaret is everyone's Christmas nightmare
- The 3 best rules for holiday gift giving
- When Christmas should REALLY start
The solution to all the madness? Let the laws of holiday attrition work in your favor! If something falls off the list of priorities or is just no longer fun, take it off the calendar. Ask for a no-gift-exchange policy amongst family, friends, and coworkers, and find your "no" when it comes to holiday events, tasks, or experiences that are nothing but drudge for everyone!
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Anne Helen Petersen, "A Theory of Sprawling Holidays"
- Mollie Wilson O'Reilly, "Waiting By the Jesse Tree"
- Eleanor Lees for Newsweek: "Why Does the Christmas Countdown Get Earlier Every Year?"
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Fresh Take: Nicole Walters on "Nothing Is Missing"
What can we do when life seems to be falling down around our ears? Nicole Walters, author of the new book NOTHING IS MISSING: A MEMOIR OF LIVING BOLDLY, explains how to create our own fresh starts‒ and the joy that accompanies them.
Nicole Walters is the host of "The Nicole Walters Podcast", a motivational speaker, and the mother of three adopted daughters.
Nicole, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How to pour into your community with gentleness, grace and honesty
- How "fresh starts" can help you take control of your life
- Why vulnerability is essential to connection
Here's where you can find Nicole:
- https://nicolewalters.com
- @nicolewalters (IG)
- @MonetizeThyself (FB)
- Listen to the Nicole Walters podcast
- Buy NOTHING IS MISSING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668000953
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DEEP DIVE: Highly Sensitive (and Under-Sensitive) Kids
We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here.
This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting this episode from 2021.
When a parent first hears about highly sensitive kids– or their opposite, sensory seekers– it can provide a profound moment of recognition, of connecting the dots for things about our kids that up until now have baffled us.
We think understanding these sensory tendencies can help us parent our kids more effectively and compassionately. Not every kid who shows hyper- or hypo-sensitivity will go on to require occupational therapy, struggle in school, or anything else. But as childmind.org explains, ""These problems can be tough on kids, and get in the way of them functioning effectively, learning, and making friends."
Every kid who displays these behaviors and preferences can benefit from a parent who understands and can therefore effectively support and address for the otherwise confusing behaviors that might ensue. We don't have to accommodate every dictate of an extremely picky eater, or messy playroom caused by a sensory seeker– but it's worth exploring, because it can really help us as parents to understand where these things might be coming from.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- This image from Miracle Maker Mom
- Michael Rosenthal, PhD for the Child Mind Institute: Sensory Processing FAQ
- Amanda Morin for understood.org: Sensory seeking and sensory avoiding: What you need to know
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Things That Should Be Fun... But Aren't
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There are some things in life that sound more fun in the planning stage than they are in the execution, and those things are statistically proven to be done more frequently by parents.
We asked our listeners to tell us their lists of things that should be fun, but aren't. As the record will show, our listeners are sadly, completely correct. Don't say you weren't warned.
Here's the link to the episode of The Mom Hour episode a few of our listeners mentioned: We Hate Fun!
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Ask Margaret: How to Foster Relationships with Grandparents
What can we do to foster relationships between our kids and their grandparents? A listener in our Facebook group asked:
"A question for those of you sandwiched between kiddos and elders in your home. How do you encourage interaction between the two ends of the spectrum? Our elder is old-school and equates time with our kiddo as a time to treat them with food and gifts. How do you support this relationship?"
It's important to realize that in any interaction that you are trying to foster, that you don't have a tremendous amount of control, Margaret says.
That being said, you can lay out guidelines and be very clear that, for example, "we only eat between these hours and this hour, and this is how we approach this kind of food. And so please limit the amount of treats you give my kid to one a day." You can go over this boundary with your kid as well.
If your child has overlapping interests with any of their grandparents, that's a great place to start. You can also direct your child to talk to their grandparents if they express curiosity about a topic or time period they're familiar with. It can also go the other way, in that you can suggest a grandparent play a game or engage in an activity that your child is passionate about.
Ultimately, you are a facilitator, not a controller, and you can't dictate the relationship between your child and their grandparents, but you can keep offering up opportunities for connection.
Here's the article Margaret references in the episode:
Susan Adcox for VeryWell Family: 6 Factors of Grandparent-Grandchild Closeness
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Fresh Take: Mother Gopi Gita on Leadership Parenting
What if leadership wasn't about being in charge, but about serving others? Mother Gopi Gita, is the founder of Leadership Parenting and Vice Principal at TKG Academy, an independent private school in Dallas, Texas.
She's also the author of LEADERSHIP PARENTING, in which she defines leadership as "serving others with collaborative decision-making." That goes for parents and kids both! In this interview, Mother Gopi and Amy discuss:
- The three guiding principles for leadership parenting
- How to know when our child's "connection needs" are being met
- How to turn defiance into loving conversation
Here's where you can find Mother Gopi:
- www.gopigita.com
- @leadershipparenting on IG
- Buy LEADERSHIP PARENTING: https://gopigita.com/new-book
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DEEP DIVE: When the World Moves Too Fast for Our Kids
We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here.
This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting our episode from 2022, "When the World Moves Too Fast for Our Kids."
When we look at our kids– and think of the responsibilities we had and risks we took at their ages– a lot of us think our kids are growing up more slowly. This is definitely not always a bad thing. But when our kid is playing Pokémon and their peers have moved on to Snapchat, should we be encouraging them to blossom? Or letting them stay young a little longer?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- why it's good to have "young" kids
- when to rescue, and when to leave them alone
- how to make our own homes safe havens for our kids to be exactly who they are
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Camille Noe Pagán for WebMD: "Is It Immaturity or ADHD?"
- Alloprof Parents: "5 ways to support an immature first grader"
- PsychCentral: "The Effects of Trauma from Growing up Too Fast"
- Amy Norton for CBS News: "Why today's teens are growing up more slowly than they used to"
- Katie Bishop for BBC: "Kids getting older younger: Are children growing up too fast?"
- Steven Richfield for HealthyPlace: "Coaching The Emotionally Immature Middle Schooler"
- Julie Rawe for Understood: "Why some kids seem immature compared to other kids their age"
- Dr. Tori Cordiano for Your Teen Magazine: "My Daughter Is Immature and She’s Annoying Her Friends"
- Jessica Lahey for Your Teen Magazine: "Understanding Changing Middle School Friendships"
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Growth Mindset: What Is It? Does It Matter?
Growth mindset is the belief that one's abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. Makes sense, but is it the number-one secret to our kids' future happiness and success? Is fixed mindset a death knell for our children's potential?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The current controversy in academia about whether "growth mindset" has been over-emphasized
- Why it's important to praise our kids' efforts, more than those efforts' outcomes
- How to foster growth mindset in our kids (hint: it's by example)
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Melinda Wenner Moyer: Is Growth Mindset a Sham?
- Melinda Wenner Moyer: The Nitty Gritty of Growth Mindset
- Carol S. Dweck: Mindset
- Dweck, Carol et al: Praise for intelligence can undermine children's motivation and performance
- Macnamara, B. N., & Burgoyne, A. P: Do growth mindset interventions impact students’ academic achievement? A systematic review and meta-analysis with recommendations for best practices.
- Burnette, J. L., et al: A systematic review and meta-analysis of growth mindset interventions: For whom, how, and why might such interventions work?
- See Eva DeVirgilis's one-woman show, "In My Chair"
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Ask Amy: When Did 5th Grade Get So Rough?
Is fifth grade way more complicated than it used to be? A listener wrote in to ask:
"Is it just me or is 5th grade rough? Is it just my 5th grader and his classmates, or are others experiencing this too? Weird friend drama, lots of emotions, being teased (but in a friendly way?)... It’s a lot. Please tell me I’m not alone!"
The average 5th grader is in the 10- to 11-year-old range, and as Vanessa Kroll Bennett and Dr. Cara Natterson recently explained to us, that's become a reasonable age for puberty to begin. (Listen to our Fresh Take with them here.) So it's no wonder that some of them are feeling big emotions, or having sudden drama with the same friends they've had since kindergarten.
Even though we may want to Mama Bear the situation and fix everything that's wrong, it's developmentally appropriate for kids of this age to experience discomfort of a social, mental, and yes, physical, nature.
The best thing you can do is make your home a safe space for whatever emotions your child is feeling about all of this upheaval. If it seems like they're handling it, you can take a back seat. If they're really asking for your help, that's your cue to get more involved. But if you're not hearing as much as you used to about school and friends from your kid, remember that that's also normal for this age and stage.
Here are two more of our Fresh Takes you may find helpful on this topic:
- Dr. Lisa Damour on Helping Kids Manage Anxiety
- Judith Warner on What Grownups Get Wrong About Middle School
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Fresh Take: Dr. Robyn Silverman on How to Talk to Kids About Anything
How do we talk to our kids about all the complicated topics our world presents them with? Dr. Robyn Silverman, child and teen development specialist, is the author of the bestselling book How to Talk to Kids About Anything and host of the podcast How to Talk to Kids About Anything, gives us scripts for having hard conversations with our kids.
In this interview Dr. Silverman, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- The downside to parents not talking to kids about hard things
- The biggest mistakes parents make when talking to kids
- Why tough conversations are worthwhile for reasons that go far beyond what might be discussed
Here's where you can find Dr. Silverman:
- DrRobynSilverman.com
- @DrRobynSilverman on socials
- Buy HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT ANYTHING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781728246987
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DEEP DIVE: When Your Kid Doesn't Fit the Mold
We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here.
This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting our episode of that name from 2021
Sooner or later, most parents discover that their kid doesn't fit society's mold in one way or another. But there's "quirky" kids with unusual haircuts, and then there's the kids who really do their own thing, with or without peer approval. In this episode, we're talking about the latter.
Those parents will recognize what Dr. Perri Klass calls "the pivotal moment": "not just one moment of extreme behavior in your kid, but the last in a series of impossible-to-explain-away behavior that resonates with the parent's long-considered and long-avoided fears. It crystallizes in a parent's mind all the floating anxieties and worries of many months."
It’s especially challenging for us when our kids are outside the norm because we can't help but think what will become of this kid? But at those times, we're forgetting two things: not only do our children have the ability to grow and develop, we're going to become better parents along the way, as well.
When it comes to our non-mold-fitting kids, there's reason to hope that the world will someday be wide enough. Albert Einstein didn’t fit the mold either, and things worked out pretty well for him. Which isn't to say he didn't cause his mom some sleepless nights along the way.
Here are some links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Drs. Perri Klass and Eileen Costello: Quirky Kids: Understanding and Helping Your Child Who Doesn’t Fit In
greatschools.org: How to support your unique, quirky child
childmind.org: Sensory Processing FAQs
slate.com: What About Kids Who Don't Fit The Mold?
Dana Basu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different
Andrew Solomon: Far From The Tree: Parents, Children, And The Search For Identity
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When Kids Fight You on Everything
We’re on YouTube Music! Watch and listen at this link: What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood
We've all had times when our kids resist every. single. thing. you tell them to do. When is it part of a larger problem, and even if it's not, how do we manage the exhausting defiance?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How to keep track of a kid's defiance in order to figure out where it's coming from
- Gut-check questions to ask yourself to ascertain where ODD might be what's happening
- the "two free requests" approach
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Katherine Lee for VeryWell Family: Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children
- Royce Flippin for Additude: Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- Dr. Douglas Riley: The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- Mount Sinai Parenting Center: Positive Opposites
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Ask Margaret: Is There a Nice Way to Say "I'm All Touched Out"?
Moms of little kids are touched all day, every day. So what happens when it's supposedly our spouse's turn at the end of the day, but we're just not in the mood for cuddling?
This week a listener asks:
"I’ve been really wanting my own space lately. I have two preschoolers and I’m nursing a baby. Basically, I’m touched out. I feel terribly bad because yesterday when I got everyone down for a nap, my husband (who is working from home) asked if he could snuggle with me. I said sure, but then asked him to leave so that I could rest.
He caught me red-handed scrolling on my phone a couple of minutes later, and I had to admit I just didn’t want to snuggle. I really hurt his feelings. What can I say? Feeling really guilty… but I just want my own space! Is there a nice way to handle it when you don’t want to be touched?"
The problem here isn't the snuggles, it's the communication. It's 100% reasonable to feel all touched out but also understandable for your spouse to feel hurt when he is cuddle-rejected.
Having a conversation around both of your expectations while working from your maximum point of generosity will solve this problem in no time.
The Parents.com article Margaret references in this article can be found HERE.
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Fresh Take: Dr. Tracy Dalgleish on Making Relationships Work
Why is it that we can find ourselves in a marriage with someone we thought we knew but with whom we can't effectively communicate? Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, author of I Didn’t Sign Up For This, talks us through breaking negative cycles in our relationships.
Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a clinical psychologist, relationship expert, and voice behind @drtracyd.
Dr. Dalgleish and Margaret discuss:
- Why dating doesn't prepare us for marriage
- The most common problems couples have, and what's really underneath those issues
- The best way to approach difficult conversations with our partners
Here's where you can find Dr. Dalgleish:
- https://www.drtracyd.com/
- @drtracyd on IG / FB
- @pesipublishing on IG
- Buy I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781683736622
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DEEP DIVE: Meeting Our Kids Where They Are
We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here.
This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting our episode on meeting our kids where they are.
It's hard not to be a little nervous when your kid is the only one still crying at preschool drop-off. Or the only one still spelling everything wrong in third grade. Sometimes it turns out to be a late bloomer situation, nothing to worry about. Sometimes it's an early indicator of something your kid might struggle with for a long time.
How do we move beyond our own stress about what our kids are and aren't doing like the rest of the bunch? How do we adjust our demands to meet what our kids are actually capable of? How do we set our parental expectations so that our kids will be motivated to try harder without feeling bad about themselves?
It's a tricky balance, best summed up by parent coach Sarah Wayland:
"If we never had expectations that were beyond our children’s current abilities, we wouldn’t teach them anything.... But I’m at my absolute worst as a parent when my expectations are far beyond my kids’ abilities."
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Joanna Faber: Manage Your Expectations, Not Your Child
- Terri Mauro for Very Well Family: Backward Chaining for Special-Needs Children
- Dr. Sarah C. Wayland for Guiding Exceptional Parents: Meet Your Kids Where They Are
- Elaine Taylor-Klaus for Impact ADHD: Shift Your Expectations to Manage Complex Kids
Listen to "When Typical Parenting Advice Just Doesn't Fit"
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Wait, Didn't Everyone's Family Do This?
Did you grow up thinking everyone's family has a tooth fairy that leaves tin foil behind instead of coins? Said "padiddle" whenever a car with a single headlight drove past? We asked our listeners what they grew up thinking everyone else's families did too... only to find out that nope, it was just them.
Here's the link for "Throw Your Tooth on the Roof: Tooth Traditions from Around the World"
See the original Facebook thread here
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Ask Amy: Coping with Having a Sick Child
How do we handle a life-changing diagnosis for our child without falling apart? A concerned mother asked for support in our Facebook group:
"My sweet seven-year-old son just got two very life-altering diagnoses. I hate that he's going to have pain and struggle in his life. That some options for his life are off the table because of his diagnoses. He's just starting his life and already has so much stacked against him. My brain won't stop thinking; my fingers won't stop reaching for more information. How do you cope with this as a mother?"
Amy tells this parent that she's right: this is a lot to handle, and she's not wrong to think so.
Parents dealing with chronically ill children need to give themselves permission to feel all their feelings. Taking time for themselves is an important part of staying mentally healthy for the long haul.
Real-life support is also crucial—and that can also include emails, phone calls, and online chats with parents you may never have met, but who are dealing with similar struggles. You don't have to pretend things are better or easier than they are when you are talking to fellow travelers who know just what you're going through.
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Fresh Take: Alyssa Blask Campbell on Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids
How can we empower kids to recognize and manage difficult feelings, especially when those skills may be new to us too? Alyssa Blask Campbell, author of the new book TINY HUMANS, BIG EMOTIONS, shows us how to foster emotional intelligence in our kids.
Alyssa is the CEO of Seed & Sew, which supports teachers and families with tools for regulation, connection, and emotional intelligence. Alyssa is also the host of the podcast “Voices of Your Village.”
Alyssa, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- The main difference between parenting today and how most of us were parented
- The five components of emotional intelligence
- Collaborative Emotional Processing, Alyssa's framework for building long-term emotional intelligence in kids
Here's where you can find Alyssa:
- https://www.seedandsew.org
- @seed.and.sew on IG
- Buy TINY HUMANS, BIG EMOTIONS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063306264
- Listen to the "Voices of Your Village" podcast - a new addition to the Adalyst Media network!
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Is There Just Too Much Information?
“Information overload” is defined as the tipping point when the input of information exceeds an individual’s capacity to process it all. When we begin to feel overwhelmed and stressed by the amount of information that is available, we can end up feeling more stressed and overwhelmed than knowledgeable.
For parents, the urge to find certainty through online research—only to end up feeling even less certain—is particularly common. How can we make the constant availability of information, useful and otherwise, work for us rather than against?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How "information overload" can reduce decision-making abilities
- Whether obsessive internet searching is the result, or cause, of low self-confidence in parents
- How to know your limits, and then set them
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Terese Glatz and Melissa A. Lippold. “Is more information always better? Associations among parents’ online information searching, information overload, and self-efficacy.” International Journal of Behavioral Development.
- Jessica Runberg for The Washington Post: Is crowdsourced parenting eroding confidence?
- Cara Goodwin for Psychology Today: New Study: Information Overload for Parents
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Ask Margaret: My Spouse and I Disagree About Bedtime
What do we do when we disagree with our parenting partners about bedtime routines for our little ones?
Here's how to get on the same side of the net against this issue.
A listener writes:
"My husband and I disagree about how to handle bedtime for our 5-year-old. It’s been a struggle to get her to sleep before 11 pm. My husband wants to tell her "you need to be in bed now" when it’s 9 pm or 9:30. This kicks off a huge temper tantrum and sets bedtime back even further. I say, just let her play until she’s tired. Any advice on how to handle different approaches to bedtime routines?"
Kids of preschool age need about 10-13 hours of sleep (including naps), so if a 5-year-old is going to bed at 11 p.m., they may not be getting enough rest.
On the other hand, changing up a young child's bedtime routine can result in an "extinction burst," or a pushback against this new and unexpected boundary. Know ahead of time that it may take about two weeks of hard work to successfully establish a new bedtime with your child that works for everyone.
As far as discussing it with your parenting partner, remember to get on the same side of the net against the problem. The issue is a bedtime routine that has become stressful for everyone, including your 5-year-old.
Here's the link to the article Margaret mentions in the episode:
Mayo Clinic: "Child sleep: Put preschool bedtime problems to rest"
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Fresh Take: Vanessa Kroll Bennett and Dr. Cara Natterson on Puberty
These days, early is normal for puberty onset—and early is REALLY early. That means kids whose brains might not match the way they look, and parents who are freaking out about how to bring these delicate matters up in conversation.
Help is here! Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett, co-hosts of The Puberty Podcast and co-authors of the new book This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, offer clear explanations (for parents and kids both!) and ways to start talking.
Margaret, Amy, Vanessa, and Cara discuss:
- How puberty has changed in the past few decades
- Why we should treat kids as the age they are, not the age they appear
- Why "the talk" isn't a one-and-done conversation
Here's where you can find Vanessa and Cara:
- https://orderofmagnitude.co/
- IG and TikTok: @spillingthepubertea
- Buy This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593580950
- Listen to The Puberty Podcast
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We're Still Cringing
Whether it's the dreaded email sent to the wrong person or greetings gone wrong, we've all got moments we can't stop playing in our heads over and over. Here are some of our cringiest moments.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Grammar school cringe
- High school cringe
- Dating cringe
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Ask Amy: When Kids Have Negative Self-Talk
How can we support our kids' self-esteem when they take their frustrations out on themselves? Amy offers some tips for helping kids express frustration without getting down on themselves in the process.
Keara asks:
"My 4-year-old daughter is in preschool and just moved into a new classroom. Since then she’s been saying some unsettling things when she’s upset or thinks she’s in trouble. She’ll curl into a ball on the floor and say things like “I’m not good enough,” or “I ruined everything,” or “I’m not beautiful enough." I’m so afraid that’s the beginning of her inner monologue. How can I help her unlearn that kind of thinking at home?"
Asking your child's teacher if there is in fact negative messaging happening at school is a good place to start. And you'll also want to ascertain if your kid is showing low frustration tolerance at school as well as at home, because the issue may lie more with increased frustration than with decreased self-esteem.
If your child is saying these things only when they're upset or scared, that's another good sign that this is a way to express frustration that she's trying on, but which might not be the source of the frustration. It's an indication that her self-esteem isn't the issue so much as her ability to express these feelings of overwhelm.
The most effective times to support your child's self-esteem are when she's not already dysregulated and upset. At those times, reassure her with your calming presence, but don't feel like you have to get her to unsay it all in the moment. She probably won't be able to respond in the way you want when she's upset.
Take advantage of quiet moments to lean into positive self-talk. Pause those Disney movies (all of them have this moment) when the protagonist doubts themselves, and show your kid that even though people may doubt themselves, they can still get there in the end.
Here's the link to the book that Amy mentions:
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Fresh Take: Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, and Jennifer Weaver on Raising Adaptable Kids
We may think that eliminating all anxiety from our kids' lives is the endgame. But Dr. Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, PhD, and Jennifer Weaver, authors of the new book "Raising a Kid Who Can," discuss why admitting you don't have all the answers is actually necessary to help kids thrive.
Dr. Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, PhD, and Jennifer Weaver, LCSW are mental health experts, whose work provides parents with the tools they need to navigate a complex world and help their kids move from anxious to adaptable.
Margaret, Jennifer, Catherine, and Heather discuss:
- Why we're living in the age of anxiety—and how to help kids navigate it
- Why letting our kids talk about their feelings too much can backfire
- Why the goal isn't zero anxiety
Here's where you can find Catherine, Heather, and Jennifer:
- www.raisingakidwhocan.com
- @akidwhocan on IG
- #raisingakidwhocan
- Buy RAISING A KID WHO CAN: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523518593
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Keeping Up with Friends Without Kids
Why do we find it hard to stay connected to our friends without kids? Does the total separation of our daily experience, once we become parents, mean those friendships cannot remain the same?
Allison P. Davis's recent cover story for New York magazine, When One Friend Has a Baby and the Other Doesn't, explored this dilemma from the childfree-by-choice point of view. Here's our own take on how our friendships have morphed and changed since we became parents.
In this episode we discuss:
- Why our friends without kids aren't wrong to be annoyed by us sometimes
- Why we’re not conditioned to put the same amount of effort into friendships as we do other relationships
- How to know if a friendship is worth the long-term effort
Here are links to some other resources mentioned in this episode:
- Christine Organ for Motherly: Motherhood feels lonelier than ever
- Fortesa Latifi for The Washington Post: "Spoon theory: What it is and how I use it to manage chronic illness"
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
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Ask Margaret: How Do I Handle Devices on Playdates?
Do we have the authority to keep other kids off their own devices in our home?
A listener wrote in to ask:
"How have you all handled other kids' devices in your home? My 9-year-old daughter has neighborhood friends come over most days. There is an 11-year-old with an iPhone and little to no restrictions on its use. Is it overstepping to say that if another kid's device comes in, it has to stay on our kitchen table until they leave?"
Margaret says that it's totally within your control to decide how devices are used in your own house. Have a basket where phones and tablets can be placed at the beginning of a playdate. Or allow their use only in the areas of the house where you can monitor their use.
Don't feel bad about keeping a hard line, even if you get comments or eyerolls from kids. You'll feel much better if you don't have to constantly worry about what kids might be doing on their devices in your house—because that really is your responsibility.
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Fresh Take: Esau McCaulley, "How Far To The Promised Land"
How can we talk about America’s ongoing legacy of racism without sliding into despair? In his new memoir HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND, Esau McCaulley tells his own story—and questions why Black failure is judged collectively, while Black success is perceived as the merit of an individual.
Rev. Esau McCaulley, PhD, is an author and associate professor of New Testament at Wheaton College. His work has been published in The New York Times, The Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Christianity Today.
Esau and Amy discuss:
- Why "escaping poverty" is a misleading term
- How experiences that set the context for heroic bravery also create the possibility for failure
- What caused Esau to change his definition of justice
Here's where you can find Esau:
- www.esaumccaulley.com
- @OfficialEsauMcCaulley on Facebook
- @esaumccaulley on Twitter on Instagram
- Buy HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241080
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Making It Work With Extended Family
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How do we maintain healthy relationships with our extended family, whether they live five or five hundred miles away? Amy and Margaret talk about how their own extended families operate, and what works best to keep everyone connected.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The types of conflicts that extended families typically experience
- The value of extended family—whether or not they live nearby
- How to model healthy extended family relationships for your kids
Here are some links to further reading on the topic:
- Michele Meleen for Love to Know: Definition of Extended Families: Meanings and Roles
- Kiley Hurst for Pew Research Center: More than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family
- Frank Bruni for The NYT: "Tolstoy and Miss Daisy"
- Megan Carnegie for BBC Family Tree: The tensions that fan tricky in-law relationships
- Karen L. Fingerman, et. al, for Purdue University: In-Law Relationships Before and After Marriage: Husbands, Wives, and Their Mothers-in-Law
- Fatherly: 16 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries With Your Extended Family
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Ask Amy: I've Got a Bedtime Staller
How do we get our savvy stallers to get ready for bed in a reasonable amount of time? Amy gives a listener some tools for speeding up a bedtime slowpoke.
Nici came to our Facebook group to ask:
"Please help this mom of a very smart and savvy 11-year old who is some kind of Jedi master of STALLING. He knows it’s bedtime. He doesn’t want to go to bed. But instead of outright complaining, he subtly and consistently stalls his bedtime by doing little tiny things to stall the process. Pointing out each little thing he’s doing in order to stall is annoying and only makes him dig his heels in more. I love him so much, and I know this is all probably a ploy for attention, BUT COME ON. I feel like we give him a LOT of attention throughout the day and in general. What can I do?"
What is your kid getting out of stalling? Maybe they do want to just stay up later. It could be that his bedtime needs to be rolled back by half an hour.
You can also try doing the unpreferred activities before the preferred one. All the bedtime stuff (homework, shower, pajamas, teeth, whatever it is) comes before the preferred activity (TV, gaming, time with you).
When something with a kid becomes an ongoing struggle, the best place to start is to ask these two questions: what can I add? What can I take away?
You might add external motivation, rewards, a later weekend bedtime.
You might take away your presence while he stalls, the dog that is there to distract him, the sugary treats that might be revving him up.
Work these dials one at a time, and have patience. Once you figure out a kid's secondary gain, and/or the currency that motivates them, things will usually fall into place.
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Fresh Take: Minna Dubin on Mom Rage
After Minna Dubin's New York Times essay on mom rage went viral, she received hundreds of messages from other parents, thanking her for daring to explore something most of us would rather pretend doesn't exist. Dubin was therefore inspired to write the new book MOM RAGE: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood, to explore what exactly mom rage is, where it comes from, and what we can do about it.
Minna's writing has appeared in the New York Times, Salon, Parents, among others, and as a leading feminist voice on mom rage, Minna has appeared on MSNBC, Good Morning America, and NPR.
In this interview, Minna and Amy discuss:
- Why mom rage is a complex multi-phase physiological and psychological cycle that starts long before we explode
- The societal neglect of mothers, and how it contributes
- What does—and doesn't—work to mitigate our mom rage
We discussed Minna's original essay, and our own takes on mom rage, in this additional episode.
Here's where you can find Minna:
- @minnadubin on IG, Twitter, Threads
- https://minnadubin.com
- Buy MOM RAGE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781541601307
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Best of: Sick Day Hacks
One day out of school? Fine, here’s the remote. But by day four of a low-grade temp— just enough to keep the kid home— most parents get rather desperate for ideas. We are both unfortunate experts on the topic of kids’ sick days, and here's what we've learned.
This is a "Best Of" episode from the pre-Covid days. If your kid might have Covid, definitely ignore any "they're probably fine, just send them" advice you may hear in this episode!
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- what you should already have around the house in anticipation of those “Mommy, I don’t feel well” moments
- why sick days are not the time to introduce a new skill
- why we must always beware secondary gain
Here’s links to some research and articles with great ideas for sick-day kids that we discuss:
- Stephanie Morgan for Momtastic: 10 Activities When Sickness Has You Stuck At Home
- from NPR: Should My Slightly Sick Child Stay Home? The Rules Often Conflict
- and most importantly, this sobering read, from Heather Murphy for the New York Times: Fish Depression is Not a Joke
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Fresh Take: Devorah Heitner on Growing Up in Public
How do we help our kids navigate the possibility of going viral online for one little mistake? Devorah Heitner, author of the new book Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World, explains how we can protect our kids online without invading their privacy.
Devorah Heitner is a leading authority on raising resilient and kind kids in our always-connected world. Her writing on kids and technology has appeared in The New York Times and The Washington Post, among others.
Devorah, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- what accountability for mistakes should look like for kids
- what drives parents to overtrack their kids online - and the consequences
- mentoring versus monitoring our kids' digital activity
Here's where you can find Devorah:
- Instagram: @devorahheitnerphd
- Twitter: @DevorahHeitner
- Website: devorahheitner.com
- Buy GROWING UP IN PUBLIC: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593420966
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Back-to-School Back-to-Ones
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Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness as well.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- To make lunch or not to make lunch
- How to keep outfits clean at breakfast
- The best time to grocery shop
Here are links to resources mentioned in the episode:
Read the full Facebook thread here and if you're not already part of our amazing group, you can join at www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast!
Watch the short film Amy mentions: "How Was Your Day?" directed by Allison Hadar and Maddie Corman
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Ask Margaret: How Do You Get Your Kids to Part with Their Toys?
How do we get rid of the giant dollhouse or racecar track that our kid insists they ALWAYS play with? (Even though they don't.) Here's how to clean house while remaining on your kid's team.
A listener on Facebook asks:
"How have you been able to get your younger children to part with toys? I’m trying to get rid of the giant four-foot dollhouse we were gifted several years ago. My daughter is 4 and I think she only ever played with it 3 or 4 times (years ago), yet she is so attached to it! Did I mention it’s huge?! Oh and I hate it! I typically get rid of things they don’t play with when the they aren’t around, but this is like a piece of furniture and she’ll definitely notice its absence."
There are two paths to getting this dollhouse out once and for all, Margaret explains. Playing the role of teammate and the role of benevolent dictator.
Playing teammate means asking for your kid's help on how to get the dollhouse to someone who would appreciate it more. Playing benevolent dictator means acknowledging your child's love of the toy while holding firm on your stance of getting rid of it.
Margaret prefers the teammate approach - your kid should feel heard, but they should also know you're in charge and have final say in the toy department.
It's a good idea to rotate your child's toys out of site for a bit so that once they come out again, they feel new and exciting. And check in with your child regularly about which toys they're actually playing with to help them understand what's most important to them.
Here's the link to the resource Margaret mentions in the episode:
Birute Efe for Kidsactivities.com: "10 Ways to Get Rid of Toys without Drama"
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Ask Amy: My Child Is Not Nice to Her Grandparents
How do we teach our children that it's not okay to say mean things about family members, especially in front of them?
Diana emailed us to say:
"My 5-year-old daughter has a clear and strong preference for my in-laws versus my own parents, I think because she saw more of them when she was little, so is more comfortable with them. It hurts my feelings and also hurts theirs. She is very honest about her feelings and will say that she doesn’t want them to come over, doesn’t want them to sit next to her, doesn’t want them to stay when they do come over.
I hoped by seeing them more she would warm up and she usually does have a good time with them once she settles in, but she’s still saying hurtful things. I would greatly appreciate any advice on making the situation more manageable."
When children are expressing repeated resistance to spending time with certain grownups, it's always important to rule out whether there's another, more serious and unexpressed reason for that resistance. Once that's been ruled out, consider what secondary gain your child might be receiving from saying these things.
Most 5-year-olds are old enough to have empathy, and understand when they've hurt others' feelings. It's also an age by which kids can usually learn to control their impulses. A child who is saying rude things to their friends and teachers, and not just at home, might need a little scaffolding around impulse control, and learning more appropriate ways to express her frustration. In that case, these hurtful comments can become teachable moments for fostering emotional intelligence.
On the other hand, if only one person or setting is the location for these rude comments, then you know that it is in your child's control to express their frustrations differently. Model what you expect, hold the line, and you should see improvement.
For more resources and ideas, check out this article:
Amy Morin for VeryWell Family: 10 Ways to Handle Disrespectful Behavior
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Fresh Take: Dr. Emily Edlynn on Autonomy-Supportive Parenting
How do we reconcile the desire to give our kids independence with the desire to protect them from the world? Dr. Emily Edlynn, author of the new book Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children, explains how we can let go of the anxiety-driven controlling impulses inherent in modern parenting.
In this interview, Dr. Edlynn and Margaret discuss:
- The intersection of autonomy-supportive parenting and neurodiverse kids
- What an autonomy-supportive environment looks like (and what gets in the way)
- Tools we can use to prevent overparenting
Here's where you can find Dr. Edlynn:
- www.emilyedlynnphd.com
- @DrEmilyEdlynn on IG, Twitter, LinkedIn
- The Art and Science of Mom, Emily Edlynn, PhD on FB
- Buy AUTONOMY-SUPPORTIVE PARENTING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781641709767
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I've Got a Mom for That
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
We've got a mom for that! We asked our listeners what specialties you're the go-to people for. In this episode we discuss those unique and useful talents, from being the one who can pack an entire sectional into an SUV, to being the one who can make dinner for six out of a basically empty pantry.
To that end, if you'd like to be the mom for that, Amy recommends Sam Sifton's book No-Recipe Recipes in this episode.
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Ask Margaret: Should I Quit the School's Group Chat?
"I am part of a WhatsApp chat with other parents in my child's nursery. It's not set up by the nursery, nor does it seem to have all of the parents in it. The problem is it's very unpleasant and dominated by a small minority of very vocal complainers. It's causing me some anxiety and some distrust of the nursery which objectively seems unwarranted. What can I do?"
Group chats are a double-edged sword. Some are amazing, like the What Fresh Hell Facebook group, and some are anxiety-causing and more trouble than they're worth.
It's not your job to convince the other parents that they're being too negative - it IS your job to opt out for your own sanity and mental health, though. And it's perfectly fine to do so.
You can quit completely or just mute notifications and go in to ask a genuine question every once in a awhile. It can occasionally be useful to know when certain events are happening or if there is an early dismissal, for example.
Ultimately, engage with the conversations that are useful, and excuse yourself from the unhelpful negativity and complaining - you'll thank yourself later!
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BEST OF: Debbie Reber on Parenting Kids Who Are Differently Wired
“It's becoming increasingly clear that different ways of being are more 'normal' than most people realize, and that is truer with each passing year," says Debbie Reber, author of Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. In this "Best of" Fresh Take, Debbie offers concrete, actionable ideas that will allow us to become exceptional parents to our exceptional kids.
Debbie Reber is a parenting activist, bestselling author, speaker, and the founder of TiLT Parenting, a top podcast, community, and educational resource for parents raising differently wired children.
Debbie, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- why typical suggestions for parenting neurodivergent kids can be inadequate
- finding opportunities to "tilt" our parenting, rather than struggling to straighten our child
- why small changes can have big impacts for differently wired kids
Here's where you can find Debbie:
- https://www.debbiereber.com/
- @debbiereber on Twitter
- @DeborahReberAuthor on Facebook
- Buy Debbie's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523506316
TiLT Parenting is now part of the Adalyst Media network! Check out all of our amazing podcasts at adalystmedia.com.
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BEST OF: How Little Parenting Can We Get Away With? (with guest James Breakwell)
Sometimes we need to stop trying so hard for things to get easier. We asked our listeners: where’s an area of your parenting where you got better results by doing less?
In this episode we discuss our listeners' best advice on how to parent more lightly by caring less about our children’s:
- homework
- potty training
- outfits
- palates
- basic hygiene
- birthday parties
We also talk “bare minimum parenting” in its many forms with guest James Breakwell, author of Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child.
James says bare minimum parenting isn’t about the number of kids you have: “Two children aren’t twice as much work as one. If you’re already yelling at the first kid, just add the name of the second kid at the end.” For James, bare minimum parenting is about playing the long game. Can you look around at a group of adults and pick out which ones had baby massage or language-immersion preschool? Okay, sometimes they’re dead ringers. But most of the time you can’t, and we think James’s new book is slyly revolutionary in the way it enables all of us to do less, worry less, and get our kids to pretty much the same place in the end.
In other words, Bare Minimum Parenting doesn’t have to mean no rules. It can mean basic rules that work for your family. But those rules aren’t set by the family next door, or that clickbait-y guilt-inducing article you just read.
And when the rules don’t work? Put them aside for a bit. No regrets.
ICYMI: in this episode Margaret mentions this slackline as her key to bare minimum backyard fun— her kids play on it for hours.
Here's where you can find James:
- Buy James's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982599294
- @XplodingUnicorn on Twitter
- @ExplodingUnicorn on Facebook
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Ask Amy: What Age Is Old Enough for Social Media?
At what age are our children ready for the sometimes shark-infested waters of social media? What limits can we set and tactics can we use to keep them safe while allowing them to communicate with their friends and stay connected?
Megan sent an email to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com to ask:
"I’m getting so worried about social media as my kids grow older. As a mom of three (ages 9, 12, and 14), I find myself at a loss when it comes to navigating this digital landscape. My oldest, who is in 8th grade, is starting to express a desire to get social media. She keeps talking about how all of her friends have it. However, I can’t help but worry about the unrealistic standards it sets, and how that could affect her development and self-esteem.
Am I crazy for not wanting her to get Instagram and Tiktok? I want her to grow up like an average kid and not miss out on things her friends are doing. I just wish social media wasn’t so toxic, especially for girls."
Your kid is likely telling the truth when she says that most of her peers are on social media. That doesn't mean your concerns as a parent for her safety and privacy aren't incredibly valid.
Social media doesn't have to be an either absolutely-none or no-holds-barred decision. Privacy settings, and controlling what your child is posting, give you some control. It's possible to start with tighter reins and more oversight and then slowly let out the slack line.
Take the particulars of your own kid into consideration. You know what's right for your kid. Set the rules you want with an open dialogue, rather than have it become something that your daughter can't talk about with you at all.Approaching social media with your child, rather than forbidding until she figures out how to do it behind your back, is probably the better option.
Links to resources Amy mentions in the episode:
- Wait Until 8th: https://www.waituntil8th.org/
- Devorah Heitner's book Growing Up In Public: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593420966
- Bark.us (use this code for a free trial: https://www.bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK)
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Fresh Take: Jennifer Wallace on Achievement Pressure
Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? Jennifer Wallace, author of the new book Never Enough, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically.
Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers.
Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss:
- Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high
- How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure
- How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements
Here's where you can find Jennifer:
- jenniferbwallace.com
- @jenniferbwallace on IG
- @jennifer.b.wallace on FB
- Buy Jennifer's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866
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When Typical Parenting Advice Just Doesn't Fit
What happens when the usual parenting advice feels zero-percent applicable to our own situation? The first step is to let go of any "second arrow" self-blame that that is the case. The second step is to chart our own paths.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- What types of kids may not benefit from the one-size-fits-all parenting advice
- Why the concept of default parenting advice is harmful
- Why kids "irritating behaviors" are signs that they are growing and learning appropriately
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Sarah Lyons for Western NY Family Magazine: "One Size Doesn't Fit All"
- Our episode "When Your Kid Doesn't Fit the Mold"
- Jeanie Lerche Davis for WebMD: 10 Commandments of Good Parenting
- Dana Bosu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different
- Andrew Solomon: Far From the Tree
- Ross Greene: The Explosive Child
- Rita Eichenstein: Not What I Expected
- Deborah Reber: Differently Wired
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Ask Margaret: My Kid Won't Eat a Bite of Dinner!
What do we do when, despite every tactic we can think of, our child refuses to eat dinner? Margaret puts a mom's anxieties around missed meals into perspective.
Jillian asks:
"What do you do when your two-and-a-half-year-old absolutely refuses to put a lick of dinner in her mouth? Night after night I offer multiple items. We've tried eating on the couch and in front of theTV, hoping the mindless eating scenario might happen. None of it has worked. At my wit's end!"
Margaret recommends buying the book Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellen Satter. Satter explains that the parent decides what to serve, and the child decides what to eat. It's not our job to force feed our kids when they would rather be doing anything else. They may simply not be hungry, especially if they had a late afternoon snack.
If you think there's something serious underlying this reluctance to eat, definitely reach out to your pediatrician. But if your child eats well at other meals, there is probably not reason for concern. Don't chase your child's behavior and bend over backwards to get them to eat at all costs. Even if they don't want to eat, they can sit quietly at the table while everyone else enjoys dinner. If they start throwing food or otherwise misbehaving, don't hesitate to end the meal for them or otherwise give appropriate consequences.
And as Margaret can attest from the other side, it will get better as they get older!
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Fresh Take: Bea Kim on Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood
What does it mean to have an identity outside being a mother? How do we forge a new sense of self that includes motherhood but isn't defined by it? Life coach Bea Kim provides tips for defining our true values and then living those values out.
Bea Kim is the founder of Parent Refresh, a company that provids parent-focused services through life coaching, fitness, and community, and Awaken, a diversity, equity, and inclusion educational company.
Bea and Margaret discuss:
- The liminal space between pre- and post-parenthood
- How mismanaged expectations cause problems for new moms
- What it means to define our own values and why it's important for mothers
Here's where you can find Bea:
- https://beakim.com/
- https://medium.com/bea-kim-coaching on Medium
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/beabahn/ on LinkedIn
- @beakimcoaching on IG
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Crazymakers
We all know someone who causes chaos, lawful and otherwise, wherever they go. Those people, are called "crazymakers," a term first coined by Julia Cameron and which perfectly describes the unwelcome disruption they bring to our own peace of mind. Here's how to spot the crazymakers in your life, and how to avoid getting caught up in their mischief.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- The true definition of a crazymaker and the three top types
- Why crazymakers use low-power strategies of dominance
- How maintaining your own self worth helps deter crazymakers
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Ask Amy: Should I Care If My Teenagers Curse?
How do we tell our kids not to curse when they insist that everyone around them—maybe even their parents—do so? Amy explains different scenarios for cursing and what she deems appropriate for her own kids.
A listener asks:
"Can you talk about when kids curse, when we curse...does it matter? My kids are almost 13 and 15 and they say everyone curses. We allow some cursing—heck, we have even been known to toss out some ourselves—but now I think my oldest curses too much and yet she is a straight A student."
When it comes to younger kids, Amy explains, it pays to be strict about cursing or else you'll run out of room to enforce rules around such things when they're older.
There's a big difference between cursing at, say, a stubbed toe, and cursing at someone or calling them a curse word. The latter never flies in Amy's house. You can also differentiate for your kids the kinds of conversations that happen amongst friends and those that occur in formal settings like school and work.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
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Fresh Take: Jamilla Svansson-Brown on How Motherhood Changes Us
Can we grieve the person we were before motherhood? Jamilla Svansson-Brown, who runs a YouTube channel with her wife Que, discusses how motherhood changes us, strengthening marriages, and listening to people with different lived experiences.
Jamilla and Que are a two-mom family based in Atlanta, GA, who have been creating content for over 7 years after recognizing a gap in the influencer industry and not seeing creators who were Black Women, Fem/Masc presenting, or a part of the LGBTQ community.
Jamilla and Margaret discuss:
- How parenthood changes our relationships with our partners
- How the division of labor works in the Svansson-Brown household
- What it means to be an authentic ally
Here's where you can find Jamilla and Que:
- www.jamillaandque.com
- @jamillaandque on YouTube, TikTok, and IG
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BEST OF: Ditching What Doesn't Matter (with the Lazy Genius)
Are people with clean houses doing a bit? Are people with messy ones somehow less worthy? Kendra Adachi, author of THE LAZY GENIUS WAY tells us how to make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly us - and stop caring about everything else.
Kendra Adachi also hosts "The Lazy Genius" podcast and is the mother of three young kids.
Kendra, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- How to implement systems that are practical rather than Pinterest-worthy
- Why we should stop applauding chaos as the only indicator of vulnerability
- The power of putting everything in its place
Here's where you can find Kendra:
- www.thelazygeniuscollective.com
- Buy The Lazy Genius Way: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525653936
- @thelazygenius on IG
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Ask Margaret: My Child Is Being Ostracized
When our child is suddenly being left out of their friend group, how can we help them cope without giving in to our own emotions about the situation?
A member of our Facebook group writes:
"My 9-year-old finally made a new group of friends this year in school, and the other day at recess they announced that they don’t want to be her friend anymore.
She is crushed, and while I know this is part of growing up, I don’t know how to help her. I let her stay home today- to be honest, partly so she doesn’t have to endure a recess with this group of girls ignoring her or worse.
I know missing school is not the answer. How can I help her? "
Margaret reminds this listener that she's not on the emotional roller coaster with her kid in this situation - rather, she is a neutral and safe space for her child to express their feelings about the situation.
It's important to let your child feel whatever they need to about the situation without trying to "fix" them or suggesting how they might behave differently in order to gain entry back into the friend group. Remind them that they can only control how they react to the situation, and empower them to focus on other friendships, hobbies, and activities for the time being.
In the meantime, watch out for signs that your child is suffering from severe bullying, such as weight loss, loss of appetite, or loss of interest in normal activities - this could mean that they need a more robust form of intervention on their behalf.
Here are links to some resources Margaret mentions:
- Sherri Gordon for VeryWell Family: 7 Tips for Helping Kids Deal With Being Ostracized
- Our episode about bullies
- Our episode "Mean Girls with Katie Hurley"
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
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Fresh Take: Lara Love Hardin
What happens when your perfect life comes crumbling down? Lara Love Hardin, author of the new memoir "The Many Lives of Mama Love" shares her experiences of addiction and incarceration, how it affected her children, and how it shaped the new life she has now.
Amy and Lara discuss:
- What it's like to parent from prison
- How the prison system keeps women down
- How Lara found her own version of redemption
Here's where you can find Lara:
- https://www.laralovehardin.com/
- IG: @laralovehardin
- Facebook: Lara Love Hardin
- Buy Lara's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982197667
- The Gemma Project
- Watch Lara's TED Talk
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We Forgot What Little Kids Were Like
Once your kids are a little bit older, can you be dropped into the madness of having little ones again without missing a beat? Apparently not - here's what Margaret learned after a brief season of tending to little kids again.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The stakes of babysitting versus parenting
- All the little things we block out once our kids are more independent
- How times stretches out forever when you've got little kids to entertain all day
If you're near New Braunfels, Texas, check out the McKenna Children's Museum!
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Ask Amy: I've Already Got the End-of-Summer Scaries
Why is it that summer never seems to be the picture-perfect, sun-washed experience we want for our kids? Amy helps a listener ditch her mom guilt over not providing her kids with the "perfect" summer.
"I have the end of summer scaries. Or end of summer mom guilt. I feel so bummed that I have spent most of the summer in survival mode instead of really enjoying it with my children. I probably have seen way too many of those "you only get 18 summers" posts. My oldest starts first grade in two weeks and I feel like I completely failed. I wish we had spent more time swimming, riding bikes, all of that quintessential summer stuff. Instead, I feel like I've spent most of it breaking up fights with his 4 year old brother, keeping the 18 month old from injuring himself, and saying "no" to every request.
I'm notoriously hard on myself so I probably just need a reality check. Does anyone else feel this way?"
It's totally normal to feel like the summer is a more difficult time of year, especially with three little kids to entertain, Amy explains. There are more hours of daylight and more unstructured time.
And, by the way, your kids don't vaporize once they turn 18, and if they're away at college, summer is when you WILL see them, at least somewhat more than you did during the school year. Try to decouple yourself from the overwhelming "you only get 18 summers with your kids" messaging. It robs you of the ability to remain present THIS summer with your kids.
So how do you try and be present with your kids without worrying about how many summers you have left in the bank? Start super small. Declare that it's "ice cream dinner" tonight or let the kids cover the driveway in chalk drawings. The "summer memories" we're supposed to be making are by definition lazy and unstructured. And those little things we may think are nothing special are probably what our kids will look back on most fondly.
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Fresh Take: Ash Brandin, The Gamer Educator
How can we place reasonable limits on our kids' screen time— and how do we know what's reasonable? Ash Brandin, better known on Instagram as @TheGamerEducator, brings their experience as an educator (and gamer) to help families better understand and manage technology in ways that can benefit the entire family.
In this episode, we discuss:
- why screens are "value neutral," and why their educational merit is derived more from how screens are being used
- the one question we should ask ourselves to know whether screens are okay in a given moment
- how to raise kids who will be able to set their own parameters around screens and gaming once we're no longer there to harass them
Here's where you can find Ash:
- TheGamerEducator.com
- @TheGamerEducator on IG
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Teaching Kids About Money
Teaching kids about how money works feels ever more important in a world where we pay for things by waving our phones, and where a couple of taps brings us anything we want to our doorstep twenty-four hours later.
Sometimes we feel like protecting our kids from the realities of our financial situations is what is most appropriate. But somewhere along the way we can start teaching kids financial literacy by making our family decisions around money concrete and transparent.
In this episode we discuss:
- our children's many "blind spots" around money and spending (and what were once our own)
- the differences in spending when people use credit cards versus cash
- how to discuss your family's "money values" in terms of what you are (and are not) willing to spend
Here are some links to resources mentioned in the episode:
- @bethkobliner on Twitter
- BusyKid: What Your Child Can Understand About Money, Age by Age
- Beth Kobliner for PBS News Hour: Money habits are set by age 7. Teach your kids the value of a dollar now
- Jana B. Woodhouse for How Money Works: Can You Teach Your Kids How Money Works? (Yes!)
- Shereen Marisol Meraji and Andee Tagle for NPR's Life Kit: Want to teach your kids about money? Start by including them in the conversation
- Johnathan G. Conzelmann and T. Austin Lacy for Brookings: Financial and student loan (il)literacy among US college students
- Our episode "Should We Pay Our Kids To Clean Our Rooms?"
- Our Fresh Take with Bobbi Rebell
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Ask Margaret: Ground Rules for House Guests
How do you host relatives in your home in a loving and generous way without becoming overwhelmed? Margaret explains that hosts, not guests, get to make the rules for timing and length of their visits.
A listener asked:
Do you have any ground rules or tips and tricks for having family come stay with you? My husband and I live interstate between both of our families of origin, so if they visit, they stay with us. We don't live in a large house and we're finding the line between hospitality and what we can handle hard to draw. How can we simplify our approach?
When people come to your house, it's perfectly acceptable to set ground rules that represent roughly 50% of what you need/want, and 50% of what your guests would prefer. Ultimately, though, it's your house, so you have veto power should a disagreement arise.
You have the right to decide when and how long people come to stay with you. You may get pushback from relatives, but you are within your rights to gently decline their requests. That being said, operate from your maximum place of generosity and do your best to accommodate the people who raised you/your spouse and want to be in their grandkids' lives.
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Fresh Take: Erin Pepler
Why are women expected to love pregnancy and new motherhood without exception or complaint? Erin Pepler, author of the collection of essays "Send Me Into the Woods Alone," discusses the stigma that still persists around mothers expressing difficulty and displeasure with their lives—and how reading and writing about motherhood has improved her own life.
Erin Pepler is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Today’s Parent, ParentsCanada, SavvyMom, Romper, Scary Mommy, MoneySense, Broadview Magazine and more.
Erin and Amy discuss:
- Why pregnancy is "objectively weird"
- Why women are expected to downplay their pain and suffering particularly as new mothers
- How anxiety can shape us as parents... and when it's time to take a closer look
Here's where you can find Erin:
- erinpepler.com
- @erinpepler on Instagram and Twitter
- @erinpeplerwriter on Facebook
- Buy SEND ME INTO THE WOODS ALONE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781988784892
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Why Was This a Thing? Rules We Once Lived By
Rooms where no one was allowed to go? Saving up phone minutes? Opening one kind of cereal at a time? What odd rules did we once live by that we can't imagine following now?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The Good Room
- Snuggies
- Peek Freans
Links to references in this episode:
- The Onion: Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption
- "Certain things are for company" - comedian Sebastian Maniscalco
- "Company is Coming" - comedian Chris Fleming
- Peek Freans
- Follow us on Threads @whatfreshhellcast
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Ask Amy: When Should Kids Stop Sharing a Room?
What are the signs that kids no longer want to share a room, and when do the cons of a shared space outweigh the pros? Amy cites a study or two to help a mom decide what's best for her two boys.
Emily asks:
How do I know when the right time is for my two boys (ages 7 and 8) to stop sharing a room? Are there signs I should be looking for? For context, the boys have shared a room since they were 1 and 2. We have a guest room that we occasionally let one sleep in, but it’s usually just when one is sick. I have heard from other moms that the benefits of sharing a room can expire as they get older, but I am not sure what I should be watching for.
If the current arrangement is working for everyone in the family there's no need to immediately change things up. But there are signs you can watch for that might mean a change is worth consideration.
A child's desire for privacy, siblings who bicker constantly, a divergence in interests or habits, and increasing homework loads are all signs that separate spaces might be needed. Studies also show that kids also get more sleep when they don't share rooms. However, this doesn't necessarily mean separate bedrooms. There could be one room designated for sleeping/study ,and another room designated for play and activity.
Don't feel guilty if your kids need to share a room, or if it just works better for the whole family that way. As far as knowing when it's time to change things, the clearest signal may be if and when one of the room-sharers actually asks for their own space.
Here are links to some resources Amy mentions in the episode:
- Erin Quinn-Kong for Sleep Foundation: Having Your Own Room as a Kid May Be Worth 28 Minutes of Sleep
- Kara Carrero for Extremely Good Parenting: Should siblings share a bedroom? This research will help you decide!
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Fresh Take: Raena Boston on Mom Scams
What "scams" about motherhood have we become subject to without really questioning them? What would happen if we stopped subscribing to these ideas?
Raena Boston, founder of the Working Momtras, discusses ways to counteract the sexism inherent in parenting, particularly mothering, and how to make the personal political. Raena is a mom of three, co-founder of the nonprofit Chamber of Mothers, and a fierce advocate for working families.
In this interview, Raena and Margaret discuss:
- Mom guilt as a scam and how we can dismantle it
- Why dads need parental leave too
- What federal paid family leave really means
Here's where you can find Raena:
- www.theworkingmomtras.com
- @theworkingmomtras on IG
- @workingmomtras on Twitter
Listen to our episode with Kate Mangino on her book "Equal Partners"
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July Bonus TEASER: Ask Us Anything
It's July bonus episode time! We opened up the floor for our listeners to ask us anything, and it turns out we're still learning things about each other after all these years.
Topics include:
- The best parenting book Amy has ever read
- Pajama grams
- Billy Joel's and Bill Clinton's dogs
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Let's Stop Caring What People Think
What if we didn't let other people's judgments change our game plans—as women, as mothers, and as humans? We're wired to pay attention to what other people think. There's a reason those judgments can be painful. Are there ways we can break free and care less?
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss...
- How our innate need to belong (and not ostracized) is hard-wired
- The "behavioral inhibition system" and how it gets triggered
- Whose feelings and judgments we should take into account
- Why parenting is an especially problematic zone for others' judgments of us
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Our episode "Parenting With An Audience"
- Governor J.B. Pritzker's speech to the 2023 graduates of Northwestern University: "The kindest person in the room is often the smartest."
- Rachel Moss for HuffPost UK: How To Actually Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You
- hotter.com: At What Age Do You Feel Most Comfortable In Yourself?
- Arthur C. Brooks for The Atlantic: No One Cares!
- Naomi I. Eisenberger: Why Rejection Hurts: What Social Neuroscience Has Revealed About the Brain’s Response to Social Rejection
- Sarah Coyne for The Joplin Globe: Parenting with an audience changes the rules
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Ask Margaret: My Kid Is Super Slow in the Mornings
How do you let your child experience natural consequences for their slowpoke actions—without going insane yourself?
Listener Katie asks:
"My 11-year-old has trouble meeting deadlines we set for her (running to catch the bus, not getting to bed by her bedtime). When my husband and I try to help her stay on track she talks back or purposefully stalls more! I don’t know how to not get triggered by that. It makes me angry which doesn’t help. Any suggestions? Either for staying calm or what to try with her?
We rely more on consequences than positive reinforcement. I would love my husband to be more of a positive presence in the morning, which might improve things. I’m only partially around for mornings (which doesn’t help). Thanks for at least letting me rant!"
Margaret has been here herself. She coordinated with her child's school and asked them to issue the appropriate disciplines for lateness to her child on days her child was late, removing herself from being responsible for the consequences.
It's important to remember that children aren't just fed by positive attention; negative attention gets them going just as much. Eleven-year-olds typically begin testing boundaries and asserting their independence, since they have no real power of their own at that age.
Try telling your child that they are in charge of their own routines, as well as all consequences for being late. Ask them what they might need from you to make the routine a success—a wake-up call, packing a lunch, whatever the thing may be—and then try to leave them to their own devices. Eventually, they will realize you are serious about their making their own trains run on time.
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Fresh Take: Hari Kondabolu on "Vacation Baby"
Why shouldn't you tell people your baby name ideas before the baby comes? What happens when the early mornings with a toddler clash with the late-night schedules of comedy clubs?
Comedian Hari Kondabolu, whose new comedy special "Vacation Baby" is available for streaming on YouTube, discusses how parenting has changed his comedy— and the unexpected pleasures, amidst the struggles, of parenting during the pandemic.
Hari Kondabolu has been praised as "one of the most exciting political comics in stand-up." He currently co-hosts the Netflix food competition show “Snack vs. Chef” with Megan Stalter. Hari first achieved widespread recognition for his award-winning documentary "The Trouble With Apu."
In this episode Hari, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Why having a pet is definitely not the same as having a kid
- What he wants his audiences that aren't parents yet to understand about being a dad
- Why representation has become even more important to Hari now that he's a parent
Here's where you can find Hari:
- harikondabolu.com
- Social media: @harikondabolu
- Watch "Vacation Baby" on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/HariKondaboluOfficial
- Get the extended version of Vacation Baby: https://harikondabolu.bandcamp.com/
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BEST OF: Setting Boundaries
It often becomes clear to us where our boundaries should have been set only after those lines have been crossed and left far behind. But whether it's with overbearing extended family members or partners who leave socks on the floor, how do we create effective boundaries? Especially after it's been established that we're not very good at it, and especially in a world that doesn't very much like women who aren't afraid to set them?
In this "Best Of" episode we discuss why boundaries should be set early and often– and not just in problematic relationships, either. Healthy boundaries with our spouses, partners, and co-workers are what make long-term relationships possible. And don't forget positive boundaries. Want to start setting aside more money each month? Having one date night a week, or one weekend morning when you get to sleep in? It starts with saying so.
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Fatherly: 16 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries With Your Extended Family
- Mark Manson: Boundaries
- Elizabeth Earnshaw for Mind Body Green: A Therapist Explains 6 Things People Get Wrong About Setting Boundaries
- Sarah Saweikis for Medium: Scared to Set Boundaries? How to Set Boundaries to Improve Your Relationships and Increase Peace of Mind
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Ask Amy: My Kid Loses Everything!
Tired of buying new everything when your kid inevitably misplaces it? It's natural for kids to be a little disorganized, but if your kid is losing things left and right, there are some simple steps you can take.
A member of our Facebook group asked:
Any suggestions for the kid who loses everything? My son is 9. He lost three sweatshirts in the two months he was in in-person school, a tennis racquet at tennis camp, baseball glove at baseball practice, shin guards at soccer camp… and don’t even get me started on water bottles!
The “lost and found” turned up one of the many things he has lost, but that is it. He swears each time that he put the things in his bag. Unless, there is a sweaty shin guard thief, this obviously is untrue.
We’ve tried charts and check lists. We’ve tried making him earn the replacement items, but nothing seems to stop the constant misplacing of items. HELP!
For the truly forgetful kids, the oft-cited "natural consequences"– if he doesn't have his shin guards, he won't be able to play, and he'll sure remember next time!– rarely work. Your child will feel chagrined, but be just as likely to forget the next time.
In this episode Amy suggests what has worked in her household, like
- making reminders unmissable (put the reminder ON the doorknob, not hanging above it)
- labeling everything that costs more than the label would (Amy uses oliverslabels.com)
- use list-making apps and model using them yourself (Amy uses Workflowy)
Kids do well if they can. Don’t give up on the checklists and the reminders if they don’t work right away. Keep your support system consistent– and non-shaming– and eventually your child will check for those shin guards before he leaves the field.
Here are some resources worth looking into for kids who are a little disorganized:
- Check out Carolyn Dalgliesh's ideas for helping forgetful kids get organized: http://www.carolyndalgliesh.com/
- Sara Olsher of Mighty + Bright has lots of great tools for helping kids stay organized
- Our Fresh Take with Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD Dude
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Fresh Take: Alexandra Robbins on the Lives of Teachers
What does it really take to be a public school teacher in America? Alexandra Robbins, author of "THE TEACHERS: A Year Inside America's Most Vulnerable, Important Profession," illuminates how today's teachers battle against school shootings, shrinking budgets, irate parents and politicians, and the educational system itself.
Alexandra Robbins is an award-winning investigative reporter who has written for publications, including The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic.
In this interview Alexandra, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Our common misconceptions about what being a teacher entails
- Why the "teacher shortage" is a misnomer
- How we can truly support teachers
Here's where you can find Alexandra:
- https://alexandrarobbins.com/
- Facebook: AuthorAlexandraRobbins
- Twitter: @AlexndraRobbins
- Instagram: @authoralexandrarobbins
- Buy The Teachers: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781101986752
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The Best Advice for Dealing with Teenagers
How do we raise healthy, loving, polite, and appreciative teens? Is it humanly possible? From remaining "passively available" to taking our adolescents' seemingly trivial problems seriously, our listeners had great advice for bringing up teenagers.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The blessing of nerd-dom
- How to keep your face in check when talking to your teen
- Why it's important to let your teen fail sometimes
Here's our Fresh Take with Michelle Icard, author of "Fourteen Talks by Age 14"
Here's the link to the full thread in our Facebook group
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Ask Margaret: How Can I Stop Repeating Myself?
How do we get our kids to do things the FIRST time they're asked, not the millionth time? Is it even possible?
A listener from our FB group asks:
"You have often given the advice from the dog-training world not to repeat yourself over and over again, because you are teaching your kids they only have to respond to the 3rd, 7th, or 100th time you ask. My question is: what do I do instead?
Say I tell my toddler, "It's time to go brush teeth," and he ignores me to keep playing because: toddler. If I immediately remove the thing the toddler is playing with and pick him up to go to the bathroom, we are in tantrum land. Then bedtime is delayed by twenty minutes while we calm down.
I don't want to turn every interaction into an exhausting battle of wills, but I also don't want to sound like a broken record. HELP."
When kids are resisting instructions, it's important to suss out the real problems and find solutions for those specific instances.
In this case of asking your toddler to brush their teeth: it's normal to sometimes have to repeat yourself with toddlers. But you also want to establish that you won't repeat yourself until they respond.
You might insert an intermediate step where you say something like "Oh, it looks like you're really enjoying your truck right now. I'm going to go get the toothpaste out and give you a few more minutes." It's a back-to-one situation!
And remember: just because you repeat yourself or get frustrated with your toddler doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. You're doing the best you can.
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Fresh Take: Sara Olsher on Talking to Our Kids About Hard Things
When we're going through difficult seasons in our lives—illness, death, divorce, tragedy—it feels easier to protect our kids by leaving them out of the conversation. Sara Olsher, founder of Mighty + Bright, says kids don't miss a thing—and that we're missing the opportunity during such times to help our children learn resilience.
Sara founded Mighty + Bright after guiding her child through her own divorce and cancer diagnosis. Mighty + Bright provides visual schedules, picture books, and other tools to help parents prioritize mental health for their kids, learning together and incorporating coping skills into their day-to-day lives.
In this interview Sara, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- How to raise resilience for ourselves and kids
- What works for families who are in hard seasons
- Why protecting kids from difficult issues doesn't work
Here's where you can find Sara:
- http://mightyandbright.com
- @mightyandbrightco
- Check out all the amazing children's books Sara has written: https://bookshop.org/contributors/sara-olsher
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Is This a Midlife Crisis?
What does it mean to have a midlife crisis? What exactly counts as "midlife," and (yikes) are we already in it? Can we avoid the disenchantment and the rash decision-making that stereotypically accompany such times in our lives?
A listener in our Facebook group asked:
"Who has been thru their midlife crisis and how did you deal? Turning 40 next week has me feeling like I've wasted my life. Can I get over the what-ifs?"
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How American culture has changed its views on aging
- Why women and men experience midlife crises differently
- Why the age of your children might be the thing triggering your crisis
Here are links to some of the resources discussed in the episode:
- Howard P. Chudacoff: How old are you? Age consciousness in American culture
- Laurence Steinberg: Crossing Paths: How Your Child's Adolescence Triggers Your Own Crisis
- Mark Jackson: Life begins at 40: the demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis
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Ask Amy: Everything Is Fine—Except My Mom Guilt
When our children have a brush with danger, we moms love to punish ourselves for what might have happened. So does society at large. Amy tells a listener how to complete her trauma response and move on from a stressful event.
A listener on Instagram asked:
"How do I move past the mom guilt? I'm the mother to an 18-month-old that loves dogs. We have a rescue. I didn't grow up with dogs. We went for a walk today and came across an informal dog play date that we joined…the dogs were off leash. I asked if it was okay to bring my child, and the other owner said yes. I stupidly at one point let my little one walk away from me.
Another dog came to sniff at her, and my dog kicked into full-on protective mode. The first time I'd ever seen that. My little one almost got hurt. We left soon after that and I never let my child out of my arms again. And once I got home, I Googled and saw, no, you should never take a kid to a dog play park.
I feel so bad, so ashamed. How do I move on?
Amy suggests that this listener is stuck in an incomplete trauma response, which Amelia and Emily Nagoski discuss in their book BURNOUT. It's important, Amy says, to complete the stress cycle, or else you stay stuck in the tunnel (as these authors explain).
In our Ditching Mom Guilt episode, we discussed how mom guilt is a result of magical thinking in your primitive brain. If you're the cause of what's going wrong for your kids, you can also be the solution.
Amy suggests that gratitude-based meditation of "I am safe now, I am safe now" and extra cuddles with the little one can help complete the stress cycle, along with a healthy dose of self-compassion and conscious uncoupling from the undeserved shame all moms, not dads, are made to feel when their children are perceived to be in danger.
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Fresh Take: Rainesford Stauffer on Rethinking Ambition
Why do we as women get accused of too much or too little ambition, but never the right amount?
And why are mothers expected to let go of all nonfamilial ambitions once they become parents?
Rainesford Stauffer, author of the new book “All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive," started by completely reconsidering the role of ambition in her own life. In this book, she invites us to redefine ambition for ourselves. Going above and beyond doesn't have to the worthiest thing about us.
In this interview Rainesford and Amy discuss:
- How and when Rainesford changed her thoughts around her own ambition
- How parenting and ambition intersect
- How to define ambition for yourself
Here's where you can find Rainesford:
- www.rainesfordstauffer.com
- Twitter: @Rainesford
- Instagram: @rainesford_stauffer
- Buy Rainesford's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306830334
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Are Vacations Worth It?
Why don't vacations feel like vacations for moms? Could it be all the prepping, packing, and traveling, with the additional pressure to make memories that will last a lifetime for our little ones?
Here's how to make vacations truly fun and relaxing for the whole family. In this episode we discuss
- the wisdom of "taking turns being tired"
- why "going with the flow" is not an additive stance to vacation preparation
- why vacations get better as kids age
Here are some links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Marie Holmes for HuffPost: Behind Every Precious Vacation Memory Stands An Exhausted Mother
- CafeMom: Moms Don't Get to 'Relax' on Family Vacations, For the Husbands Who Don't Get It
- Colleen Lanin for Travel Mamas: Ain’t Nobody Happy if Mama Ain’t Happy – Tips for Happy Travel with Kids
- The Onion: Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean
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Ask Margaret: My Kid Is Reacting Badly to Their New Sibling
How do we help our children transition from pampered baby of the family to middle child? Is the resulting misbehavior going to go on forever?
Someone in our Facebook group asked:
"My five-year-old became a middle child a few months ago. He is so sweet and loving to his new little sister, but has been acting out: spitting, running around, saying bad things, hitting another kid in his pre-K class. He has been very difficult at home, too. He was never like this before becoming a middle child. Somebody please just tell me this is a phase."
Yes, it's just a phase, Margaret assures us, citing her own experience being usurped as the baby of the family when she was five. This acting out is boundary-seeking behavior. When presented with changes in the family dynamic, kids will investigate to see if they can get away with more than they were able to previously. You can make your child feel validated in his frustration, but it's still important to set firm boundaries around unacceptable behavior.
Here's the article Margaret suggests:
Kate Marple for BabyCenter: Helping your child adjust to a new sibling
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Fresh Take: Jamilah Mapp and Erica Dickerson of "Good Moms Bad Choices"
What do we do when we don't fit the "perfect mom" mold? Are we still good mothers even if we don't?
Jamilah Mapp and Erica Dickerson are the co-hosts of the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast, and the authors of the new book "A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices."
In this interview Jamilah, Erica, and Margaret discuss:
- Being a single mother
- Breaking parenting patterns
- What authentic parenting looks like
Here's where you can find Jamilah and Erica:
- www.goodmomsbadchoices.com
- IG: @goodmoms_badchoices
- Twitter: @Thegoodmoms
- Listen to Good Moms Bad Choices podcast
- Buy A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063161979
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What Makes You a Great Parent?
From being able to sleep anywhere to pulling loose teeth to staying calm in a crisis, our listeners are great at all kinds of things when it comes to being parents.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Lowered expectations
- Self-care for its own sake
- Margaret's Fran Drescher moments
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June Bonus TEASER: Our Hobbies
Handicrafts? Puzzles? Competitive pickleball? Amy and Margaret discuss hobbies old and new, high-maintenance and low.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- S&H Green Stamps
- Pickleball injuries
- The Book of Meg
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Ask Amy: When Other People Discipline Your Kids
What should we do when other people, relatives OR strangers, discipline our kids in front of us? Let it go, or intervene?
Pamela recently wrote us to say:
I'd love to hear your thoughts on handling relatives (or even strangers!) that try to discipline your kids. I recently had family in town and my six-year-old was given quite a few lectures on MINOR behaviors by a relative that has no children of their own. Things such as sitting in a chair well past when he was done eating, or accidentally kicking (when said relative started the roughhousing to begin with…) I’m able to call it out but why oh why does this happen?! Frustrating, to say the least, and confusing for my son!
There are two matrixes that apply here: the "see this person 3 times a week / will never see this person again" axis, and the "totally not their business/ actually my kid was really bothering them" axis.
If a particular example of discipline leaves your child red-faced and tearful, and the adult's reaction seems like an overreach, then attend to your child and make her feel safe. There are usually minimal returns for confrontation with a stranger– let alone a relative– but do what you have to do.
But check your story. Did your kid brush it off and run along to play? Is the worst part of it all the "How dare you!" feelings you're left with? Reprimands from other people aimed at our kids can really sting us, because there are secondary (okay, primary) messages directed at our own parenting choices implicit within them. But if we keep our child's safety as top priority, other people's rights to a nice dinner or a no-throwing-sand sandbox a close second, and our own indignance a little further down the totem pole, knowing what's right to do in a given situation usually gets a little easier.
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Fresh Take: Gaia Bernstein on Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies
How do we untangle ourselves from technology? We give ourselves a hard time for not being able to put our screens down, but the platforms we use are designed to be addictive. It's not our fault.
Gaia Bernstein's new book: Unwired: Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies shatters the illusion that we can control how much time we spend on our screens by the force of willpower, timers, or yelling.
Margaret and Gaia discuss:
- The psychological forces that make us keep scrolling
- What Big Tech and Big Tobacco have in common
- Why screen time limiters and other similar methods don't work
Here's where you can find Gaia:
- https://gaiabernstein.com/
- Twitter: @BernsteinGaia
- Buy Gaia's book Unwired: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781009257930
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Uh Oh, It's Summer!
Hooray, summer is finally here! No more French quizzes or spirit days to dress for last-minute! So now what? Million-dollar summer camps? Kicking our kids outside from sunup to sundown so they don't drive us crazy?
Here's how to give everyone, including yourself, a sane summer that won't send you into bankruptcy.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- Why summer light affects our mood
- the Farmer's Almanac predictions for summer 2023 (you get a heat wave! and YOU get a heat wave!)
- Summer camp inflation
LINKS
- Johns Hopkins School of Public Health: 7 Things To Know About Daylight Savings Time
- Michele Marchetti & Mia Taylor for Parents: How To Handle the Rising Costs of Summer Camp
- American Camp Association: How To Afford Camp
- Robin Brandshaw for Beaumont Enterprise: Summer 2023 weather predictions
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Ask Margaret: My Kid Is Afraid of Storms
What do we do when our kids ask us to explain scary things like natural disasters, accidents, and bad news?
A listener in our Facebook group asks:
"My 5yo is afraid of naturally occurring phenomena. Natural disasters like floods, tornadoes, hurricanes. I try to explain these things very matter-of-factly but she would continue with questions for days. “Do we get tornadoes?” “Would a flood come to our house?”
If we are watching a show and someone injures themselves she would ask about what happened for days. “Mommy, what happened to that man? Why was he bleeding? Was he breathing? Why was his arm like that?”
I realized these are very different situations but they all fuel some kind of anxiety in her. Does anyone else have a kid(s) dealing with these kinds of emotions? How can I help reassure her that she is safe and other people are safe when bad things happen to them?"
Margaret says it's best to answer the question actually being asked— like "Is a flood coming to our house?" —rather than overexplaining natural disasters in general. Be honest with your kids about the nature of dangerous things, and be present with them. Ultimately what your kids really want is to process their feelings with you, their safe space.
Lyra Fontaine for Seattle Children's Hospital: Helping Kids Cope with Anxiety Over Distressing News
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Best Of: Dr. Becky Kennedy on Being "Good Inside"
Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and mom of three who’s rethinking the way we raise our children. She's the host of "Good Inside With Dr. Becky," named by Apple Podcasts as one of the best podcasts of 2021. She also empowers more than a million parents following her on Instagram @drbeckyatgoodinside.
Dr. Becky specializes in thinking deeply about what’s happening for kids and translating these ideas into simple, actionable strategies for parents. Her latest book is GOOD INSIDE: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.
In this episode, Dr. Becky, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How kids communicate through their behaviors
- How to navigate behavior regulation when you're short on time
- Why "Good Inside" is a slightly different parenting approach
Here's where you can find Dr. Becky:
@drbeckyatgoodinside on IG and FB
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Things We Should Be Able to Do (But Can't)
Don't know left from right? North from south? Estonia from Moldova? We asked our listeners what they feel they should have learned a long time ago but still get tripped up by as adults.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Couples Jeopardy
- The secret to using a tape gun
- The Red Wedding
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Ask Margaret: When Kids Ask Embarrassing Questions
"Mommy! Why does that person look like that?!" Kids are naturally curious, and as recent guest Meg Zucker reminded us, it's not possible to program kids in advance to always fall in line with adults' preferred reactions.
It's important to have the conversation early with your kids about how it's ok to notice people's differences but pointing them out in public can hurt people's feelings.
It also helps to make your home a safe space to talk about kids' curiosities about a classmate, or someone they saw at the park, so they understand that people come in all shapes and sizes—and that the things we say, if we're not careful, still have the power to hurt others' feelings.
Bodies are Cool by Tyler Feder is a great book that shows kids bodies come in a lot of varieties and they all deserve to be celebrated.
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Fresh Take: Meg Zucker on Empowering Kids with Differences and Disabilities
How do we celebrate and encourage kids with disabilities and differences, without letting our fears and preconceptions dictate what we think they can do?
How do parents of kids with less understanding of differences and disabilities allow for children's natural curiosity?
Meg Zucker, author of the new book Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences & Disabilities, was born with a genetic condition called ectrodactyly. She is also the mother of three children, two of whom share this difference.
Meg is also the founder and president of Don’t Hide It, Flaunt It, a non-profit with the mission of advancing understanding, tolerance, and mutual respect for people's differences.
In this episode Meg and Amy discuss:
- "Disability" versus "difference," and how people choose the words that feel right for them
- How Meg's experience growing up different made her parenting kids with differences a little easier—though maybe not as much as someone outside that experience might expect
- the well-meaning "thrusting of help" that we might reconsider
Here's where you can find Meg:
- @MegZucker
- @Justflauntit_
- Buy Meg's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593419380
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Ditching Mom Guilt
"Mom guilt" is shorthand for what we think are two pretty different things:
- the universal, low-grade feelings of inadequacy that our soccer snacks aren't as good as Monica's
- the intense, deeply personal shame that we are definitely the only horrible parent who has ever allowed their baby to roll off the changing table
Yes, we take on these feelings of guilt and shame—but society is pretty quick to hand them to us. In this episode we discuss
- why there isn't such a thing as "dad guilt"
- why mom guilt might serve as a sort of magical thinking
- if we can at least skip the feeling guilty about HAVING mom guilt part
Here are links to some studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Lara Bazelon for The Atlantic: The End of Mom Guilt
- Amy Paturel for The Washington Post: Why we feel 'mom guilt'—and how to stop
- Fresh Take: Dana Dorfman on When Worry Works
- Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg on Why You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent
- Fresh Take: Sara Petersen on "Momfluencers"
- Fresh Take: Susan Linn on How 'Big Tech' Targets Our Kids
- Batram-Zantvoort, Stephanie et al, Frontiers in Global Women's Health: "Maternal self-conception and mental wellbeing..."
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Ask Amy: My Kid Is Learning Sassy Talk at Preschool
How do we discipline our kids when they start sassing us with phrases they picked up elsewhere? We can view it as a teachable moment and foundation for cognitive development down the road.
A listener in our Facebook group says:
"My daughter is 3, almost 4. She’s been at daycare for about a year now and I’ve noticed she’s started picking up phrases from school that bother me. The thing is, some of them are probably also good things for her to be able to say, like “Don’t touch me” and “I don’t like you right now” and “Go away."
The last one in particular really bugs me because while trying to gentle parent and be present, she only says these things when she’s mad at me for saying no to something. It somehow feels wrong because we don’t say that kind of stuff with each other in the home.
There’s a part of me that’s glad she has the bodily autonomy to say no and I want to encourage that for her life in general. But when it’s just her and me alone I’m not sure what to do. Is this normal or should I be worried about what she’s picking up at school?"
Is it necessarily a BIG deal that your child is sassing you at home? Not necessarily. Is it a teachable moment? Absolutely. Parenting gently doesn't necessarily mean never correcting a child when they're doing something unkind or hurtful.
Your child is allowed to express when she'd prefer to play alone, for sure. "I don't like you right now" is certainly not an abnormal way for a preschooler to express that sentiment, but there are probably ways for her to express that preference without hurting the other person's feelings, whether it's a parent or a classmate.
You can offer her more polite phrases like "I would really like to be alone right now, please" or "I need a break," so she can express those same feelings she's having but in a more respectful way.
3 going on 4 is when children start to learn theory of mind, meaning they can conceive of the thoughts, feelings, and desires of others as different from their own. So within the next year or so, with your help, she's going to be able to sort out how to let a friend down easy and how to stop a bully in her tracks. It's a process, and it's proper for you as her parent to be an active part of that learning.
Links!
- Kendra Cherry for VeryWell Mind: How the Theory of Mind Helps Us Understand Others
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Fresh Take: Laura Cathcart Robbins on Motherhood and Addiction
Is it possible to be your full, authentic self as a woman and mother without fear of failure or judgment from others? In her new memoir STASH, Laura Cathcart Robbins discusses her experiences confronting and moving through her own addiction, and how it intersects with her identity as a mother and a woman of color.
Laura Cathcart Robbins is also the host of the popular podcast, The Only One In The Room. In this interview, Laura and Margaret discuss:
- Laura's journey through addiction and treatment while being a mother
- What it means to live authentically as a mother
- How our identities inform our choices
Here's where you can find Laura:
- https://theonlyonepod.com
- IG: @lauracathcartrobbins, @theonlyoneintheroom
- TikTok: @mscathcartrobbins, @theonlyonepod
- Buy Laura's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668005330
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Our Mom Friendships Are Different Now
Have you lost touch with mom friends since the pandemic? Do you feel that after so much isolation you don't even know how to make friends anymore?
In this episode, we talk about how the last few years have changed our friendships, what's gotten harder, and why we're motivated to deepen those relationships again.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The "decreased social stamina" many of us feel
- Why spontaneity seems to have gone out the window
- How knowing that just about everyone feels this way can really help
LINKS:
- Fresh Take: Mara Glatzel on Being "Needy"
- Fresh Take: Kat Vellos On Friendship and Connection
- Vanessa Dueck for Medium: Post-Pandemic Mom Friends
- Catherine Pearson for HuffPost: Moms Have Held Everything Together This Past Year, Except Their Friendships
- Morgan Hill for Raising Teens Today: Raising Teens Can Be Lonely
- Amil Niazi for The Cut: Does Anyone Want to Hear About Burned-Out Moms Anymore?
- Check out our bookshop: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast
- "The Mind" game
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Ask Amy: My Kid Just Doesn't Want to Talk About It
When we have a child who chooses to withdraw and "not talk about it," rather than unpack his disappointment, is that a reason for concern? This week's question comes from our Facebook group:
When my seven year old gets upset, he refuses to talk to us even to describe the event that led to his reaction. He seems to prefer to process things internally. And so his immediate reaction is to shut down and say, I don't want to talk.
My spouse and I have both made a strong and conscious effort to validate his feelings and to be open and available for the times he does want to talk, but more often than not, my son just prefers to bury the experience and move on without talking about it.
Sometimes this means him concluding after one bad experience that an activity is horrible and he will never try it again. Therapy is probably a direction we are heading in. But do you think we should start with the school social worker?
Some kids, like some adults, are more emotionally expressive than others. That a 7-year-old processes internally is not necessarily a bad thing. It really depends on the intensity of the precipitating events, their frequency, plus how often you see these reactions from your child. If your kid is spending half his time at home in tears, then you do need to encourage opening up.
As parents, the best approach may be to talk, in his presence, about the things that you and your spouse do to move past disappointment and hurt feelings. You don't need to draw a direct line from your own experiences to what you're asking your son to do in order for the point to come across.
While frustration tolerance is something you might need to work on with your child, it's probably not something to be deeply concerned about at this stage. Keep an eye on it, push back against it, and over time you will hopefully see some growth in these areas.
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Fresh Take: Virginia Sole-Smith on Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture
Once we know what anti-fat bias is, it's easy to see it everywhere: in our schools, our doctors' offices, even in our own parenting. Virginia Sole-Smith, author of the new book Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture, explains the perniciousness of anti-fat bias and how we can start to move away from its toxic messages.
Virginia Sole-Smith is also the author of The Eating Instinct: Food Culture, Body Image and Guilt in America. Virginia's reporting on diet culture, health and parenting has appeared in the New York Times, Scientific American, and many other publications. Virginia also writes the popular anti-diet newsletter Burnt Toast and hosts the Burnt Toast Podcast.
Virginia, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- What anti-fat bias really is— and why it's everywhere
- How anti-fat bias shows up in parenting
- How we can identify and navigate anti-fat bias as people and as parents
Here's where you can find Virginia:
- virginiasolesmith.substack.com
- @v_solesmith on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok
- Burnt Toast Podcast
- Buy Virginia's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250831217
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Hear Us Out
We asked our listeners: what would be better if it were just a little bit different?
Margaret's ideas include a network consisting solely of TV shows that you only need to pay half attention to.
Amy advocates for magical cash dispersal from your phone.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss these and our listeners' top ideas, including
- LEGO vacuums
- properly-sized ketchup packets
- hand-dryers that don't hurt your ears
Read the entire thread in our Facebook group!
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Ask Margaret: My Playroom Is a Disaster
What do we do when our house is filling up with plastic toys from Happy Meals and goody bags that just make cleanup and attempts at organization SO much worse? Margaret explains how "benevolent dictatorship" helps her navigate this issue at her house.
Garbage starts at the door, Margaret explains. She tries to stop things she doesn't want in the house from coming in in the first place and expressing this (gently) to her kids. It's also perfectly okay to throw away these things and NOT involve kids in the decision-making, which only makes for tears. Margaret says that in a whole decade of this approach, her kids have noticed the absence of this "junk" maybe twice.
Listen to KC Davis's podcast Struggle Care
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Fresh Take: Sara Petersen on Mommy Influencer Culture
Why do the "momfluencers" who post perfect pictures of their crisply dressed children in lavender fields hold such a sway over us, and what can we do about it? Sara Petersen, author of the new book Momfluenced: Inside the Maddening, Picture-perfect World of Mommy Influencer Culture, gives us a glimpse into what makes mommy influencer culture so seductive.
Sara Petersen also writes the newsletter In Pursuit of Clean Countertops, where she explores the cult of ideal motherhood.
Amy and Sara discuss:
- What exactly a momfluencer is
- How parasocial relationships can backfire on momfluencers
- The benefits of momfluencers on social media
It's natural to want external validation that we're "good" mothers by collecting likes of our carefully staged pictures on social media. In addition to simply logging off Instagram for awhile, it's good to check in with yourself about what you really value as a mom versus what you feel pressured to perform for others, and that could save you a really stressful trip to a blueberry patch.
Here's where you can find Sara:
- Twitter and Instagram: @slouisepetersen
- In Pursuit of Clean Countertops: https:///sarapetersen.substack.com/about
- Buy Sara's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807006634
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Body Image: How It Affects Us (and Our Kids)
50% of preadolescent girls and 30% of boys report disliking their bodies. Those numbers go up in adults— 60% of women and 40% of men report the same dissatisfaction.
How do we help our kids when they struggle with their body images—especially when some of those struggles are our own? Especially when unrealistic images of bodies are everywhere on social media? Especially when dieting and weight loss are normalized, along with the assumption that all of us would change something about our appearances if we could?
We may not be able to fix the messaging that surrounds us and our kids, but there are ways we can start to subvert it.
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- why body image issues and eating disorders are related but separate issues
- how "media internalization" makes things worse
- why TikTok's "body positivity" movement isn't the perfect answer, either
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Susan Cowden for VeryWell Mind: "Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Eating Disorders"
- Lauren Muhlheim for VeryWell Mind: "The Connection Between Body Image and Eating Disorders"
- Bobbie Eisenstock, Ph.D: "Media and Your Body Image: What You Need to Know"
- Jean M. Twenge for The Atlantic: "Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?"
- Jill Di Donato for HuffPost: "Gen Z Has A Body Positivity Problem, And It's Lurking On TikTok"
- Quittkat Hannah, et; al: Body dissatisfaction, importance of appearance, and body appreciation in men and women over the lifespan
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Ask Amy: My Kid Is Not Great at Apologizing
How do we get kids to view saying "sorry" as more than a get-out-of-jail-free card? This week's question comes from our Facebook page:
I have 5-year-old and 2-year-old boys. My question: how do you help kids around 5 years old understand the meaning of "sorry"? My son will do something wrong– and know it’s wrong before he does it– then immediately say he’s sorry. I try to give him a punishment to help him understand what he did was wrong, but he will still do the action again, then say, “Well, I said I was sorry." How do I help him understand the meaning of being sorry so he won’t do the action again?
Not all kids are great at apologies. And grownups sometimes go at this the wrong way too, overemphasizing a perfunctory, mumbled "sorry" from the wrongdoer and then moving on. "That's where the conversation ends," says writer Rachael Rifkin in Today's Parents, "with little if any discussion of what happened, why it was hurtful to the person they’re apologizing to, how they can address the hurt they caused, and what they can do to change their behavior."
When it comes to apologies, elementary school teacher JoEllen Poon has a great 3-step approach that hits all the key points. Help your child complete these three sentences:
1)I’m sorry for...
2) This is wrong because...
3) In the future I will...
A 5-year-old will need some help with this at first, of course. But keep at it and he'll start to really understand what Daniel Tiger said best: saying "sorry" is only the first step.
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Fresh Take: Dr. Tish Taylor on Fostering Connection with Our Kids
How do we maintain connection with our kids when they're busy slamming doors or talking back to us and we are all sick and tired of each other? Dr. Tish Taylor, author of "Fostering Connection," gives us some tips for diagnosing and troubleshooting problematic elements in our relationships with our kids.
Dr. Tish Taylor is a licensed psychologist with a private practice in the greater Kansas City area. She has an established practice specializing in clinical assessment and the mental health treatment of children and teens.
Margaret and Dr. Taylor discuss:
- The difference between disconnection with teens and natural cleaving from us as they age
- How to start to address disconnection with our kids, and why quantifying interactions works
- Dr. Taylor's "Who's Showing Up" system
Here's where you can find Dr. Taylor:
- Tish Holub Taylor, Ph.D. on Facebook
- @TishTaylorPhD on Twitter
- Buy Dr. Taylor's book
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Best of: When Is This Going to Be Fun Again?
This "best of" episode explores the trap we all fall into of thinking that every day with our kids has to contain a “snow globe moment" - a social media-worthy image of perfect joy for our entire family.
And even if part of us knows that’s not realistic, another part of us thinks that it’s all supposed to be fun. That there must be something wrong with us if we don’t love every single moment of our chaotic lives with little ones.
But once we kick that shame to the curb, there really are ways to make our lives as parents more fun and lighthearted. Even on a regular Tuesday.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How we can be lighthearted, even when things aren’t fun
- How we can have fun even when things aren’t easy
- How we can have fun even when our kids definitely aren’t
Our basic takeaway: parenting definitely gets a little more fun as our kids get a little bit easier… and by “easier,” we mean “not throwing themselves into mortal danger every ninety seconds because they don’t know any better.”
The first step to having more fun may simply be to wish that it were so. As motivational speaker Danielle LaPorte explains: “Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent form of clarity you can have."
Links!
Gretchen Rubin: "How to Be Happier: Ten Tips for Being a More Light-Hearted Parent."
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Ask Margaret: My Kid Is Obsessed with Getting "Stuff"
How do we convince our kids that getting all of the newest toys isn't the most important thing in life while also respecting their enthusiasm for their various obsessions?
A member of our Facebook group asks:
"What do you do with a kid who wants ALL the toys? I've got a second grader who insists his friends' parents buy all the Pokémon cards and my husband and I are the worse because we refuse to buy every single thing he asks for. He's got a pile full of Pokémon cards but they're not the cool ones, I guess? We're not going to change our buying habits, but how do we talk about this with him?"
Margaret explains that you can affirm your child's obsession with Pokémon or Fortnite to make them feel heard while also not giving in to their every whim around it. Margaret developed a shorthand with her son for the feeling of wanting things obsessively - the 'grabby greedies.' Naming it obviously didn't completely solve the problem, but having language around it helps keep the conversation going.
Setting up an allowance/chore system can be helpful, e.g., "If you clean your room and feed the dog every day this week, you can have x." Because kids have so little control over most aspects of their life, giving them some agency around things that really matter to them can be helpful. After all, one day, they WILL be making these decisions for themselves, and so the more they can practice making smart decisions with their own money, the better.
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Fresh Take: Dr. Lynn Koegel on the Hidden Brilliance of Autism
What if we're looking at autism in the wrong way? Dr. Lynn Koegel, co-author of Hidden Brilliance: Unlocking the Intelligence of Autism, explains how to engage with the strengths in kids with autism rather than focusing on what they're lacking.
Dr. Lynn Koegel is a clinical professor at the Stanford School of Medicine. She and her husband developed Pivotal Response Treatment which focuses on motivation. She has been supporting autistic individuals for more than 40 years.
Dr. Koegel and Margaret discuss:
- Why we're focusing on the wrong things when we assess kids with autism
- The power of peer support
- Connecting authentically with kids with autism
Dr. Koegel explains that professionals are often trained to look at what's "wrong" with children with autism rather than what's right. It helps to look at the differences in children with autism, as Margaret likes to say, as morally neutral.
Here's where you can find Lynn:
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Your Tween, Explained
When our kids reach a certain age—as young as eight, some experts say, and definitely well before thirteen— they suddenly don't think their parents are as great as they once did. Congratulations, you're officially the parent of a tween!
This week we're talking about what tweens are going through emotionally and psychologically... and how we can give them room to grow while still seizing opportunities to connect with them as (big) children.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- The cognitive shifts that happens in tweens' brains
- Why the ways we relate to our tweens has to change along with them
- Why "not taking it personally" is, and isn't, the right advice
We may feel the urge to defend our actions or intentions to our tweens when they spar with us, but we don't actually have to get down "in the mud" with our kids whenever they push our buttons.
Links!
- Michelle Anthony for Scholastic Parents: Cognitive Development in 11-13 Year Olds
- John Mersch, MD for Medicine Net: Tween: Child Development (9-11 Years Old)
- Here’s our interview with Katie Hurley, author of No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls.
- Our "Fresh Take" interview with Dr. Becky Kennedy on being "Good Inside"
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Ask Amy: How Can I Support My Friend Struggling with Infertility?
Should we avoid talking about our children when spending time with friends who are having difficulty conceiving? A member of our Facebook group asks:
"I’m having lunch with a lifelong friend who I don’t see or talk to frequently. I do know that she recently started IVF. My life is currently extremely overwhelmed because I have 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 year-olds that I was fortunate enough to conceive very quickly. How do I support her and also talk about my life, without seeming like I’m complaining about what she wants so badly? I’ve never been nervous to see her in my life and I just feel like I’m going to indirectly hurt her feelings in some way."
Your friend can both be sad about her difficulty conceiving children and excited to hear about yours. The best thing you can do, Amy explains, is to be open with your friend - explain that you want to respect her feelings about the situation and be there for her. She may cry, and that's ok, because it means both that she's letting out her feelings and that she feels you're a safe space to have those feelings.
Once you talk about the elephant in the room, you can have a wonderful visit where you both talk about and receive support for whatever you're going through right now.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
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APRIL BONUS TEASER! Our Humble Showbiz Beginnings
From playing the "Newman" character on multiple sitcoms to keeping the Steve Harvey show audience off hard drugs, Amy and Margaret have had some wild times in the business we call show. In this month's bonus episode, they tell some of their juiciest tales.
To listen to the full episode, you can subscribe to What Fresh Hell Plus at http://whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm/ for $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Get monthly bonus episodes and all of our content ad-free!
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Best Of: Yael Schonbrun on "Work, Parent, Thrive"
Why does it feel like our career and our family are pulling us in different directions and making it hard to be fully present in both arenas? In her book Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection (When Everything Feels Like too Much). Dr. Yael Schonbrun explains how we can move from a zero-sum mindset to a life in which our work life and our family life are enable to enrich each other.
Yael Schonbrun is also the co-host of the "Psychologists Off the Clock" podcast, an assistant professor at Brown University, and a mother of three little comedians. In this "Best Of" interview Yael and Amy discuss:
- Why the guilt that often accompanies parenting is hard-wired into us
- What values clarification looks like
- Why starting a "stop doing" list can be surprisingly helpful
Here's where you can find Yael:
Twitter: @DrYaelSchonbrun
#WorkParentThrive
Buy Yael's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781611809657
Links!
Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on how to manage anxiety
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Please Never Say These Things Again
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There are certain phrases that many of us pepper our conversation without a second thought, never pausing to think that we might be working the listener's very last nerve.
We have quite a few phrases we'd love to never ever hear again, and our listeners brought a lot more. In this episode we make the humble request that phrases like "at the end of the day" and "fur babies" be permanently retired from the lexicon. Is that too much to ask?
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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Ask Margaret: Help! My Boys Won't Stop Roughhousing
How do you keep your very active kids safe when they constantly want to roughhouse with each other? Someone in our Facebook group asks:
Boy moms… help! The fighting, the yelling, the running, hitting, jumping, climbing…I have a 4.5yo and a 3 yo… Any advice or tips? We separate them to different levels when it gets out of hand. Or we say any running needs to happen outside, but it’s difficult to execute when I’m home alone (which is often). How do you all handle it?
Margaret, who has two boys of her own who love roughhousing, explains the house rules around the "sport" that work for her family.
There are actually a lot of benefits to letting kids roughhouse with each other once there are certain safety parameters in place. It gives kids the joy of physical touch, the opportunity to explore and set boundaries, and the benefit (for you!) of tiring them out! You may find that MORE, not less, roughhousing is just the ticket for your active kids!
Here are links to the resources Margaret references:
- Jessica Wozinsky Fleming for The Washington Post: "Why roughhousing is good for kids, and how to keep it safe"
- Big Body Play by Frances M. Carlson
- The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It by Anthony T. DeBenedet and Lawrence J. Cohen
- Ignore It!: How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction by Catherine Pearlman
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
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Fresh Take: Mara Glatzel on Being "Needy"
If someone asked you "What do you need right now?" would you even be able to articulate it? In her new book NEEDY: How To Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty, intuitive coach Mara Glatzel lays out a roadmap for how to ascertain our needs as human beings, how to ask for it, and how to be comfortable with receiving it.
Mara's work helps humans stop abandoning themselves and start reclaiming their humanity through embracing their needs and honoring their natural energy rhythms. In this episode, Mara and Amy discuss:
- The societal pressure to be perfect and need-free as mothers
- The difference between a "want" and a "need" and how they intersect
- Why it's uncomfortable both to ask for what we need and to finally receive it
Mara argues that the more in tune we are with our own needs, the more we are able to peacefully coexist with others and form authentic relationships.
Here's where you can find Mara:
- https://www.maraglatzel.com/
- on her own podcast, "Needy."
- Here is the link to Mara's free quiz to help you identify what you need and receive all of her best resources and supportive micro-practices.
- Buy Mara's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781683649847
- @maraglatzel on IG
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
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Do We Rush Kids Too Much?
The Instagram account @mindfulmadre recently went viral with this post:
"We are becoming less tolerant of the pace of childhood. In a million ways we tell children: hurry up. Grow up. You are already behind."
Sometimes we rush our kids because we're rushing ourselves—or because we fear our kids will fall behind if they don't keep up with the increasing demands the world has of children, even very small ones.
But who decided that precocious preschoolers are really what we should be aiming for? What are the costs to rushing children? Are there small daily ways in which we can let kids do their own thing at their own paces?
In this episode we discuss:
- how a "daily context of stress" affects developing brains
- whether small pushbacks are enough, or at least better than nothing
- the moments when we've let our kids move at their own paces—even (especially) at Disney World
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Laura Markham for Psychology Today: 11 Reasons to Stop Rushing Through Life
- Alison Gopnik for The WSJ: What Children Lose When Their Brains Develop Too Fast
- Kim John Payne: SIMPLICITY PARENTING
- and these past episodes of our own:
- "Fresh Take: Michaeleen Doucleff on Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans"
- "Pushing Kids the Just-Right Amount"
- "Fresh Take: Katherine May on Enchantment"
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
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Ask Amy: My Kid Cries Over Everything
Is your child who seemingly overreacts to ever minor scrape and bruise really suffering, or are they just looking for some extra attention? Amy explains what could be behind this behavior and how to address it constructively.
A listener in our FB group says:
"I have a 5 year old boy who cries wolf. He's constantly crying as if he broke a bone or has been severely injured after minor bumps and falls. It's gotten so frustrating that I've stopped responding altogether. Has anyone had a kid like this? What did you do/find helpful?"
Amy explains that it's important to contextualize your child's emotionality. When during the day are they acting out - when they're tired and rundown or when they're well-rested? Are they truly experiencing a sensory overload because they have a naturally sensitive nervous system? Are they easily redirected when you offer distractions like a snack or a show?
You can't ignore or diminish the sensitivity out of your kid, but when navigating this issue, it helps to frame your child's reactions as coming from an authentic place that warrants investigation, rather than a devious one that warrants suspicion.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
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Fresh Take: Beth Leipholtz on Teaching Inclusion
Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.
Raising a child with a disability is complicated, especially when you're navigating an ableist world on their behalf. Beth Leipholtz is an inclusion and accessibility advocate who believes in creating a more accepting world for our children.
As the hearing mother of a deaf child, Beth is raising her son, Coop, bilingually in both hearing and Deaf cultures. Beth shares her parenting journey on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram @bethandcoop, where she has built a community of more than 1 million people around disability inclusion.
Beth's new new children's book is THE ABCs OF INCLUSION.
Beth, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Beth's experience learning about and processing Coop's disability
- Learning ASL as a hearing person
- Why she decided to share her experience on social media and become an advocate for inclusion.
Encouraging your kids to ask questions about other people's differences - and letting those people lead the conversation - is one of the best ways to teach them that everyone has value no matter who they are and what they can do.
Here's where you can find Beth:
- https://bethandcoop.com/
- @bethandcoop on IG, Tiktok, and Youtube
- THE ABCs OF INCLUSION: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781634895965
In this episode Beth mentions the "Welcome to Holland" poem by Emily Perl Kingsley
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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Even More Minor But Life-Changing Tips
Flat tire? Mismatched kids' socks? Lost luggage? Here's part two of our listeners' minor, life-changing tips that might just make some aspect of your life much easier from now on.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- Tasks you should delegate to your butler
- How to fit all that stuff you need in your glove compartment
- Margaret's next birthday present from Amy
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
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Ask Margaret: My Kid Keeps Running Away!
If you've ever had a child bolt from you in a parking lot or at preschool drop-off, you know it can be a scary experience. Today's question comes from email (questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com):
I am a mother of 4-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. In the past six months my daughter has been running out to the car, not listening to me when I ask her to walk with me or when I say "stop." I'm always asking both my kids to "stop" and "come back."
It became almost a dangerous situation for us just yesterday when my daughter just kept running through the parking lot during school pickup. She thought it was a game and began giggling when I yelled "Come back!" I was partly terrified and partly so angry.
I love my kids to the moon and back, and I know part of this is four-year-old boundary-testing, but my job as a parent is to keep them safe. How can I teach and motivate my kids to walk with me and not to run ahead?
Sometimes when we are reactive to our kids' behavior – like when we yell out because we are terrified of them running into the street – they find it hilarious. The solution? Find a special word that you can use calmly in these situations. Margaret offers the example "red light."
In a calmer moment, explain to your child that running away is dangerous and against the rules. Tell them that you have a special word like "red light," and when they hear "red light" they must freeze. They are not allowed to move again without your permission. Practice this, and remind them when heading anywhere that you expect them to stay still if you say it. Then when your child takes off, say "red light," and try to keep the emotion out of it, which can be tough. Then, if the child keeps running it is time for immediate consequences, whether that means returning to the car to "try again," or leaving the activity altogether.
A few stern and consistent "red light" reminders should make a big difference in your child's behavior.
Check out this article by Corinna Vangerwen for Today's Parent: 5 ways to get your preschooler to stop running away from you
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
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Fresh Take: Katherine May on "Enchantment"
What do we do when it seems like there's nothing new or wondrous in the world for us to enjoy and feel deeply connected to? Katherine May, author of the new book ENCHANTMENT: AWAKENING WONDER IN AN ANXIOUS AGE. tells us about her own journey of rediscovering the world and her own sense of wonder.
Katherine May is the author of the New York Times bestseller WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES, which has been translated into 25 languages.
Katherine, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Why we're all suffering from a "pandemic hangover"
- How to make space for reflection and worship in today's world
- Why you can't force enchantment (and how your enchantment may vary)
- Flaco the escaped owl
Here's where you can find Katherine:
- Buy ENCHANTMENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593329993
- Katherine's newsletter: https://katherinemay.substack.com/
- Katherine's podcast: https://katherine-may.co.uk/podcast
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
It's Not "Nagging"
Want to see a mother get mad? Tell her she's "nagging" you after she's been obligated to repeat an entirely reasonable request several times over. And just why is "nagging" a word that's almost exclusively applied to women?
We need the other members of our households to show up and do their share. As the default parents, we own the lists. So do we stop caring whether others like how we ask and remind? Do we enforce a back-to-one where we're not forced to ask repeatedly in the first place?
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The sexism and etymology of the word "nag"
- What Amy says are the three types of "nagging," and why we should separate them out
- What to say when our repeated asking is framed as annoying to other people (guess whom it's also annoying, too?)
Links!
- Jessica Zhang on LinkedIn: "What's In a Nag?"
- Episode from If Books Could Kill podcast: "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
- McClelland, T., & Sliwa, P: "Gendered affordance perception and unequal domestic labour."
- Our episode with Lynyetta Willis on "Stable Misery"
- Our episode with Eve Rodsky on "Changing the Invisible Workload"
- Anne Helen Petersen's newsletter Culture Study
Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Care.com is where you can find the help you need to make it all work for your family. Sign up at Care.com/book now and see why over 3 million families use this amazing platform.
EveryPlate plans meals and delivers pre-portioned ingredients right to your door. Get started for just $1.49 per meal by going to everyplate.com/podcast and entering code wfh149.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod60 and use code wfhpod60 for 60% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
LuvBug is the world’s first socio-emotional gaming platform. Go to LuvBuglearning.com and sign up for a 7-day free trial, or simply download from the app store and subscribe.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
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Ask Amy: We Have a Newborn - and Houseguests
Is the postpartum support you're getting actually more harmful than helpful? Here's how to ask for what you really need in the days and weeks after birth.
A listener wrote in to ask:
Has anyone found that 'more is not more' when it comes to help/house guests with a newborn? My in-laws have been here for a week (my newborn is two weeks old) and I'm finding it all more annoying and inconvenient than helpful to have "extra sets of hands."
I also feel like I'm exiled to the bedroom for all breastfeeding and just in general, because I can't handle the constant interaction and endless questions about what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm looking for in my own kitchen every time I wander into a common area.
I know my in-laws have the best of intentions and I feel in some ways I should be grateful for the extra help and grateful my son has such loving grandparents who want to spend time with him - but I'm just overwhelmed with resentment at the moment and taking it out on my husband for indirectly facilitating this scenario. Am I just being crazy and ungrateful?
As a new mom, YOU get to decide who's living with you and when! If at all! The first weeks of a newborn's life are for brief visits that don't interfere with routines or make things harder for the new parents. If your in-laws or family are smothering you, you are perfectly within your rights to ask them to leave (if they are staying) or to give you and your partner a little breathing room. Once your baby is older, you'll most likely welcome the help and social interaction from relatives, but for now, it's perfectly ok to just focus on recovering from birth and bonding with your nuclear family.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Dana Dorfman on When Worry Works
How do we know when our anxiety as parents is warranted and when we're catastrophizing? Dr. Dana Dorfman, author of the new book When Worry Works: How to Harness Your Parenting Stress and Guide Your Teen to Success. gives us a framework for channeling our anxiety into something productive rather than something that hampers us.
Dr. Dana Dorfman is a New York City-based psychotherapist with 30 years' experience treating adolescents and parents in her private practice, schools, and agency settings. In this interview she explains
- Why anxiety is actually advantageous
- How to contain our teen's anxiety without absorbing it
- Cognitive distortions
Knowing your values is key to managing anxiety - what are the three or four core principles that guide everything you do? In a non-anxious moment, reflect on those values, and then use them as your guiding star for parenting decisions - rather than fears you may have about your children's future or current wellbeing.
Here's where you can find Dr. Dorfman:
- https://drdanadorfman.com/
- @drdanadorfman on IG
- Dr. Dana Dorfman on FB
- Dana Dorfman, PhD on LinkedIn
- Buy Dr. Dorfman's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781538164532
- Take Dana's anxiety type reaction quiz!
Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Care.com is where you can find the help you need to make it all work for your family. Sign up at Care.com/book now and see why over 3 million families use this amazing platform.
EveryPlate plans meals and delivers pre-portioned ingredients right to your door. Get started for just $1.49 per meal by going to everyplate.com/podcast and entering code wfh149.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod60 and use code wfhpod60 for 60% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
LuvBug is the world’s first socio-emotional gaming platform. Go to LuvBuglearning.com and sign up for a 7-day free trial, or simply download from the app store and subscribe.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Our Quirkiest Personal Rules
From avoiding shuttles, to separate inside pants and outside pants, to always ordering a different meal than your dining companion, we reviewed - and sometimes eschewed - our listeners quirkiest quirks.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Nanking Chicken
- Merging onto the GWB
- Whose husband can fall asleep the fastest
Read the rest of our listeners' quirkiest personal rules on our FB group page!
Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Care.com is where you can find the help you need to make it all work for your family. Sign up at Care.com/book now and see why over 3 million families use this amazing platform.
EveryPlate plans meals and delivers pre-portioned ingredients right to your door. Get started for just $1.49 per meal by going to everyplate.com/podcast and entering code wfh149.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod60 and use code wfhpod60 for 60% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
LuvBug is the world’s first socio-emotional gaming platform. Go to LuvBuglearning.com and sign up for a 7-day free trial, or simply download from the app store and subscribe.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: What Do You Do When Your Kid Ruins His Own Playdate?
A listener asked: "How do I respond when my child gets upset about something during a playdate and they are dealing with their own feelings and end up ignoring their friend?"
Margaret explains that as mortifying as this may be from our perspective when our kid acts out at a playdate or other event, we've all had this happen to us, because kids are kids.
Once there's a blowup, an immediate and completely smooth reset is probably not possible. The best you can do is let your kid cool off by themselves and check in with them every few minutes about possibly rejoining the others. Check in with your kid's guest to make sure they can keep playing happily.
And if your kid feels bad about how they acted after the fact, it's okay to confirm that and help them sit with the discomfort of how their bad choices affected everyone else.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Francesca Royster on "Choosing Family"
How do we find support when our family of origin is no longer around or has otherwise rejected us? Francesca Royster, author of the new memoir Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance, explains the concepts of chosen family, finding joy in the everyday, and the resistance that is part of telling hard stories.
Margaret and Francesca discuss:
- What inspired Francesca to write her memoir
- What it's like to enter motherhood at an older age
- The process of adopting her daughter
Taking pleasure in the reality of everyday life can really help you connect with loved ones in your family, chosen or blood-related. And telling stories about hardship and tragedy can actually help us gain perspective and have more hope about the world, not less.
Here's where you can find Francesca:
- Her faculty page on the DePaul University website
- @roysterfrancesca on IG
- @francesca.royster.1 on FB
- Buy Francesca's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419756177
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Care.com is where you can find the help you need to make it all work for your family. Sign up at Care.com/book now and see why over 3 million families use this amazing platform.
EveryPlate plans meals and delivers pre-portioned ingredients right to your door. Get started for just $1.49 per meal by going to everyplate.com/podcast and entering code wfh149.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod60 and use code wfhpod60 for 60% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
LuvBug is the world’s first socio-emotional gaming platform. Go to LuvBuglearning.com and sign up for a 7-day free trial, or simply download from the app store and subscribe.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BONUS TEASER! Our Jobbiest Jobs
This month we are reaching back into our brain archives for the worst, best, and jobbiest jobs we've ever had! To listen to the full episode, you can subscribe to What Fresh Hell Plus at http://whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm/ for $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Get monthly bonus episodes and all of our content ad-free!
Topics include:
- Petty cash
- BJ McKay and his best friend, Bear
- Baskin-Robbins flavors
- How to thank a waitress (money - it's money.)
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So What Do You Do All Day?
If you're a stay-at-home parent, how do you answer to the people who frequently– and annoyingly– ask, "So, what do you do all day?"
A listener in our Facebook group posted:
"During Covid, I quit my job and I’ve been home. I drive my kids to school, work out, and manage the house and family. I’m very happy and fulfilled, especially knowing that my eldest will be leaving for college soon, I’m soaking up this time. My problem is trying to explain this to others. I have a good college degree and worked in a decent field before I quit. I guess I feel pressure to work and use my skills. One well-intentioned retired woman at my gym was actually trying to figure out how I can not drive my kids to school so that I could go back to work. I’ve even considered lying and saying I work part time at home to get people off my case."
A pre-pandemic Gallup analysis 60,000 women in the U.S. revealed that more than a quarter of SAHMs report feeling depressed. The researchers suggested that “societal recognition of the difficult job stay-at-home mothers have raising children would perhaps help support them emotionally.” Don't stay up waiting for that to happen. America’s mothers have continued to say that society is not supporting them.
Do we just decide not to let these misperceptions of stay-at-home parenthood bother us? Do we fight back, bring lists, demand the respect that our hard work deserves? Will that get us anywhere?
Links:
- Our episode with Laura Vanderkam on time management for moms
- Laura's piece: "The working stay-at-home mom"
- Motherly’s 2022 State of Motherhood Survey Report
- Consider This on NPR: The Great Resignation: Why People Are Leaving Their Jobs In Growing Numbers
- Gallup: Stay-at-Home Moms Report More Depression, Sadness, Anger
- Emily Glover for Motherly: It’s harder than ever before for families to get by on a single income
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Ask Amy: How Much Micromanaging Is Too Much?
How do we know when to control the choices our teens make and when to let them make their own mistakes?
A listener asked:
"Moms of teenagers, how do you stop trying to micromanage their worlds? My daughter is no longer interested in an extracurricular activity she’s done for years. I'm trying to talk her into continuing but she’s pushing back. It’s hard to know when it’s okay to let them decide what things they want to do as opposed to the things you think are good for them to do."
Amy explains that it's okay to micromanage your teens sometimes, as long as you choose your battles– which means everything can't be a battle. Making sure kids sign up for standardized testing might be a place where you micromanage– but that might also mean letting that their desperate need for a haircut go without mention.
Making mistakes and learning from them is part of the work of becoming an adult. As hard as it can be to watch our kids make choices with which we might disagree, when we can let those ramifications play out, we're helping our teens grow.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
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Fresh Take: Lisa Damour on the Emotional Lives of Teenagers
There's a mental health crisis among teens. Teens are also highly emotional creatures by design. Adolescent psycholost Dr. Lisa Damour thinks the two are starting to get conflated– and that means parents and educators can sometimes overcorrect in their responses to teens' emotional outbursts.
Dr. Lisa Damour co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast and writes about adolescents for the The New York Times, in addition to her clinical practice. She is the author of two New York Times bestsellers: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls.
Dr. Lisa's latest book is called The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents. In this interview Amy and Lisa discuss:
- Why good sleep is the first thing we need to help dysregulated teens solve
- What the pandemic actually revealed about teens' mental health
- Key myths and misconceptions about adolescent emotions
Dr. Lisa says that we– and our teenagers– can gain much by asking if the strong emotion a teen may be feeling is uncomfortable or unmanageable. If it's uncomfortable, learning to sit with that is part of the process of healthy emotional maturation.
Here's where you can find Lisa:
- our previous interview with Dr. Lisa
- https://drlisadamour.com/
- @lisa.damour on IG
- https://www.facebook.com/lisadamourphd
- Buy Lisa's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593500019
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
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This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
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Minor, Life-Changing Tips
We asked our listeners what minor and yet life-changing advice they have to offer. From bringing Sharpies everywhere, to cleaning the shower in the shower, to milkshakes after doctors' appointments, our lives just got a whole lot better!
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- The correct way to boil corn
- What really goes in the glove compartment (not gloves)
- Amy's meet-cute with her husband
- "Let's Make a Deal"
Links!
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
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Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
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Ask Margaret: Can We Help Kids Get Better at Losing?
A listener asks:
"Has anyone had success in helping their kids becoming ”better” at losing? Sports, board games, even school work…anything that they get frustrated with, it is to an extreme degree. I have three boys ages 7, 5 and 4 and they all do the same things—always throwing a huge tantrum."
Margaret explains that it's important to have a good offense in situations like these. Don't try and reason with your kid right after they've suffered a loss and lecture them on Buddhist philosophies of nonattachment. Talk to your kid before the game/event about what is important in these situations, like being a good teammate and practicing in order to get better at something.
Links!
Cleveland Clinic: "Sore Loser? How to Help Your Child Handle Disappointment"
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
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Fresh Take: Susan Linn on How “Big Tech” Targets Our Kids
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Psychologist Susan Linn, author of WHO'S RAISING THE KIDS? BIG TECH, BIG BUSINESS, AND THE LIVES OF CHILDREN, isn't anti-technology. She's anti-advertising to children, and has spent her long career spotlighting the "monumental shift towards a digitized-commercialized childhood."
With smart speakers and screens at arms' reach wherever kids go, digital technologies continue to evolve much faster than our understanding of the ramifications of their dominance in our kids' lives.
Susan began her career as award-winning ventriloquist (here she is on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood!) and has become a world-renowned expert on creative play and the impact of media and commercial marketing on children. In this episode, Susan tells us
- Why her point isn't to make parents feel guilty
- Why the best kinds of toys for children do very little
- How branding can creep in where we sometimes don't even perceive it
- What we can do to set parameters on the commercializing of our own kids' lives
Here's where you can find Susan:
- Twitter: @drsusanlinn
- susanlinn.net
- fairplayforkids.org
- Buy Susan's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781620972274
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
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Pushing Kids the Just-Right Amount
Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie.
A listener in our Facebook group asks:
"How do you decide when to push your kids? Like when to go from YMCA basketball to the travel team. Or when to go from regular school to the accelerated program, or the private school that's more rigorous. When to apply for the stretch school or the internship? We don't want to ruin hobbies or turn the stress up to 11, obviously. So how do you know which knob to turn and when to turn it so that their ambition, their ability, and their achievement all line up in perfect balance and harmony?"
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The “optimal push” and how it's different from over-parenting
- Achievement-by-proxy distortion (sing out, Louise!)
- The factors to consider when pushing your child to do something
Ultimately, kids are optimally supported when they believe their parents’ love is not performance-contingent. The answer lies in helping them fulfill their potential without damaging their self-esteem.
LINKS!
- Amy Wilson for New York Family: Finding the Optimal Push
- Our episode "How Not To Live Through Our Kids"
- Dr. Eddie Brummelman et al: My Child Redeems My Broken Dreams: On Parents Transferring Their Unfulfilled Ambitions onto Their Child
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
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Ask Amy: Can I Politely Decline a Playdate?
Is there anything worse? Your kid is begging for a playdate at a friend's house, while that friend is standing right there listening. Plus that kid's mother. And the thing is, you think this other kid is not such a good friend for your child to have. What do you do?
A listener in our Facebook group asks:
"My kid is 7 years old. Has anyone ever experienced your child making a friend but you don’t feel comfortable with your child going over to their house solo for play dates? Any advice for how to navigate and what to say when your child is invited over? What if you got a chance to know the parent meeting at the park or a school event or sports but you didn’t get the vibe that you’d be comfortable with your child going over there— but you see them all the time and talk to the mom often and the kids beg for play dates in front of both parents?"
Amy suggests preparing a script ahead of time for politely declining in the moment and then exploring later what it is that's making you hesitant about this playdate. Is it the parents? The kid him/herself? Do you have anxiety about your kid playing at anyone's house, or just this kid? Sit with the discomfort and try to determine its root cause. Then go with your gut, while remaining open to receiving more information about the friend (or the friendship) later on that just might change your mind.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
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Fresh Take: Ryan Wexelblatt, The "ADHD Dude"
If you're parent of a child with ADHD, you are familiar with the battles of will that can result. What are the best ways to help kids with ADHD succeed without either coddling them or coming down too hard on them? Are you the parent of a child with ADHD who feels like nothing you try is working?
Ryan Wexelblatt, also known as the "ADHD Dude," is here to help. Ryan, a licensed clinical social worker and father to a son with ADHD, creates content for the ADHDude YouTube channel and ADDitude Magazine. Ryan also provides parent training, in-person school-year programs, and a summer camp for boys.
Ryan, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How to talk to kids with siblings who have ADHD
- Why behavior prompts actually don't help long-term
- How to use scaffolding to build important skills for kids
Firm boundaries and consistency, rather than permissive parenting or special treatment, are going to help kids with ADHD more in the long-run, Ryan explains. Helping kids visualize the consequences of their actions– whether those kids have ADHD or not– is a good first step.
Here's where you can find Ryan:
- @adhddude on YouTube
- @theadhddude on Instagram
- @adhddude.ryanwexelblatt on Facebook
- www.adhddude.com
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
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When Our Kids Have Different Relationships with Our Parenting Partners
Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in our Facebook group asked:
"Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on this!"
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- How preferential treatment plays out in younger vs. older kids
- Why kids save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver
- Which one of them is conflict-averse and who's conflict-attracted (one guess which is which)
Preferring one parent over the other can be developmentally appropriate, but there are times when ganging up on one parent can become too much and needs some course correction.
Links!
- Our episode "When Kids Prefer the Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)"
- Ryan C. Martin for McSweeney's: "GOOD PARENTS CAPITALIZE ON THEIR INDIVIDUAL STRENGTHS. MY WIFE’S IS SEEING TO OUR KIDS’ EVERY NEED, AND MINE IS ROUGHHOUSING"
- Marni Feuerman for VeryWell Family: "How to Cope With Parenting Differences"
- Mariah Maddox for Motherly: "If your kids act differently with you than dad, you’re not imagining it"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Is It Normal to Feel This Lonely?
Is the never-ending work and exhaustion and loneliness of parenting small children getting to you? You're not alone– but better days are coming.
Jordyn in our Facebook group asks:
"I have a three-year-old and 9-month-old. Is it normal to feel lonely all the time? Feel somewhat bored and left out? Feel like a non person? From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, I'm DOING for the kids, for the house, for the job, for the husband. I know I'm supposed to make time for myself but when? Wake up at 4am after being up with my baby all night? Will I ever go back to a human person? Or now that I have two kids, should I settle into this new normal? How long? 5 years? 10? I'm so anxious to feel well rested, feel pretty, feel healthy, be social and ENJOY my kids. I'm so tired."
Margaret explains that once your kids go to school full time, your life changes for the better. Even if it feels like there's no end in sight to putting your kids' needs first every single second, there will come a day when you can leave the house sans kids with REAL pants and maybe even some earrings!
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Jen Lumanlan of "Your Parenting Mojo"
Do you feel like you're at the end of your rope with trying to get your kids to behave? Jen Lumanlan takes us through the steps for getting at the root cause of our children's behavior - and the root cause of our negative reactions, too.
Jen Lumanlan is the host of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, which Lifehacker named "Best Research-Based Parenting Podcast." She runs a course called Taming Your Triggers, which helps parents to understand why they feel triggered and to feel triggered less often. Jen holds a Master's in Psychology focused on Child Development and another in Education.
Jen, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How to determine your child's most frequent needs (and when to do it)
- Where hair ties come into the picture
- The importance of non-cognitive shifts
While inserting a "slip of paper" between our emotional response and our actions is important, the best thing we can do for ourselves and our kids is heal the reasons we are triggered by specific things in the first place.
Here's where you can find Jen:
- @yourparentingmojo on FB/IG
- www.yourparentingmojo.com
- "Your Parenting Mojo" Podcast
Links!
- 13 Reasons Your Child Doesn't Listen (And What To Do About Each One) cheat sheet: https://www.yourparentingmojo.com/whatfreshhell
- Taming Your Triggers workshop: https://www.yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers
- Our "Pattern Breaking" episode
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Our 2/1 Back-to-Ones
Are you already punishing yourself for breaking your impossibly difficult New Year's resolution? Yes, the one where you were going to eat 12 vegetables or run for 20 minutes or read an entire book every single day of 2023 (or do all three, for you masochists out there.) Here's how to work towards goals while remembering that so much of what we feel guilt over is actually morally neutral.
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss how a "back to one" is different from a resolution, and how viewing resets as inevitable, rather than deep personal failings, is a much more productive approach. Still working on the same resolution from last year? Of course you are! Always be resolving–to move forward without guilt over what you didn't do yesterday.
LINKS!
- Melissa Kirsch for the NYT: "Broken Promises"
- Mick de Boer for Inside Out Mastery: "19 Mind-Blowing New Year’s Resolution Statistics"
- Our "Back to Ones" episode from 2022
- Listen to the "Edit Your Life" podcast, the newest addition to the Adalyst Media network!
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Do I Prepare My Kids for Leaving Them for the Weekend?
Leaving your kids for the first time in, well, forever? Getting anxious about how saying farewell will fly? A listener wrote in to say:
"My spouse and I are planning to leave our kids for the weekend for the first time (they're 6, 5, and 3). what's the best way to prepare them? 2 of my kids- yes, including the oldest- cry if I'm going out to dinner. We'll be leaving really early on Saturday morning- do I get them up to say goodbye? Is that a bad idea? How long beforehand do I tell them- or is this something best addressed at the last minute?"
Rebranding your trip as a special time for your kids may help assuage some of the anxiety they may feel at your leaving. Ultimately, these short trips away are a good reminder for you and your kids that they can be without you and still have a good time!
Links!
Sorry, Grownups, You Can't Go to School by Christina Geist https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593480328
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
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Fresh Take: Liz Gumbinner on Ditching the Hustle
Contrary to what social media would have us believe, not every hobby has to turn into a madly successful side-hustle that takes the world by storm. Margaret talks with Liz Gumbinner, co-host of the podcast "Spawned with Kristen and Liz," about why it's okay to just make really delicious cookies.
Liz Gumbinner is a writer, award-winning ad agency creative director, and mom of teens. Online she’s better known as the publisher of coolmompicks.com and the author of the OG mom blog Mom-101. Her Substack newsletter, I’m Walking Here, looks at media, politics, and culture through a witty parenting lens.
Liz and Margaret discuss why parenting itself has become another thing to "hustle" around, as well as the difference between ambition and "the hustle."
It's great to spend a night with your family or friends without taking/posting any pics at all and just being present, says Liz. It gives you perspective on what's important in life and helps you refocus how you want to spend more of your time.
Here's where you can find Liz:
- @mom101 on Twitter, IG, Mastodon, and Post.news
- "Spawned" podcast
- https://coolmompicks.com/
- "I'm Walking Here" substack
Links!
- Liz's post "648 words about my one-word resolution"
- Our episode with Eve Rodsky on Changing the Invisible Workload
- Our episode with Amber Thornton on Finding Real Balance
- The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
- Margaret's episode on Spawned
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
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Things We Weirdly Enjoy
What oddities do you love that others might look askance at?
Is it your magical singing rice cooker? The silence just before it snows? Terrible Ikea instructions?
Amy and Margaret share their weird pleasures and chime in on some listener suggestions as well.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- 11:11
- Why socks DON'T rock
- Neon signs
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events:
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
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Ask Margaret: How Do I Choose Between Conflicting Kids' Events?
When you have more than one kid event in your calendar, how do you hit both– or choose one and live with your kid's disappointment? A listener in our Facebook group asks:
"Moms with multiple children: how do you handle the anxiety, guilt, and disappointment when kids' activities overlap? I’m not talking about missing one of the bajillion 4th grade basketball games. I mean the once-a-year or even once-every-few-years very important events.
How do you decide which child’s event is more important ? How do moms do this without feeling absolutely guilt-ridden and sad? It’s an impossible situation to be in and I’m feeling paralyzed."
The most important thing you can do is talk about these issues as a group and problem-solve together. Can the parents split up the event duties? Can another relative, friend, or neighbor step in? If you're doing your best to make your kid feel supported, not just by you but by the other people in their tribe, then you can let yourself off the hook for not showing up to every single event - yes, even the important ones.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Amber Thornton on Finding Real Balance
We've all felt the guilt that comes with taking time away from our kids to do something we enjoy. But if we're always being told how liberating it is to do things for ourselves, why do we have such complicated feelings about? Dr. Amber Thornton tells us how we can successfully balance our lives both as women and as mothers.
Dr. Amber Thornton is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Millennial Motherhood Wellness Coach. She is the Founder of Balanced Working Mama, with a mission to completely change the narrative of what is possible for millennial mothers by helping them to better balance work, motherhood, and wellness. She's also the host of the BALANCED WORKING MAMA podcast. Dr. Amber resides in Washington, D.C., with her husband and 2 little ones.
Dr. Amber, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- What it means to set a boundary successfully
- What's really behind mom guilt
- The perils of secondary expectations
It's important to remember that our feelings about our situation don't necessarily reflect the reality that's happening around us. Our guilt about taking time for ourselves as mothers is a commentary on the society we live in, not our actual abilities as parents.
Here's where you can find Amber:
- www.balancedworkingmama.com
- @dramberthornton on IG/FB/YT/TikTok
- @balancedworkingmama on IG
Links!
- Joshua Ziesel for The Washington Post: "I wanted to be a better husband. So I planned my kid's birthday party."
- We discuss the steps that might be involved in undoing our roles as "default parents", a term created by blogger M. Blazoned in 2014.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
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What Fresh Hell Is Winter?
What do we do when the magic of the holiday season is behind us, spring is months away, and we have to keep kids busy for months more of cold weather until then? Melanie from our FB group wrote in to say:
Can we talk about the transition out of the festive season and into plain ol' winter? We went all out celebrating this year with my kids (3 and 1) . Now things are going to be pretty quiet for the next couple of months. I'm a stay at home mom in a very rural area where January and February mean cold, ice and bad roads. Realistically, we're not going to be going as many places or seeing as many people. Even getting outside with two tiny kids is a big job. How can I help ease my 3yo back into her normal routine when I too tend to be susceptible to the winter blahs and burnout this time of year? I can feel the loneliness setting in. Does anyone else mind this time of year or is it just me?
It's not just you. Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why women are more susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and how it manifests
- Why nobody actually likes ALL of winter– and why that's okay
- What works to keep them going during these gray days
From keeping up holiday lights a little longer to rebranding winter, our listeners gave some excellent suggestions for keeping the winter blues at bay - and keeping your kids entertained.
LINKS!
- Our episode "How Are We Going to Keep These Kids Busy?" (March 2020)
- Roecklein, Kathryn A, and Kelly J Rohan: Seasonal affective disorder: an overview and update
- Hannah Seo for The New York Times: What to Know About Seasonal Depression
- Pandora Dewan for Newsweek: 'Like Purgatory': Why We Can Feel Uneasy After Christmas
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
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Ask Amy: My Daughter Is Suddenly Being Ostracized
What should a parent do when their child is suddenly excluded from their friend group? Amy helps a listener unpack the complexities of this problem:
"My 13-year-old daughter has inexplicably been dropped from her friend group at her very small school (less than 10 girls in the grade). As far as my daughter can figure, nothing has precipitated this change.
The moms would regularly communicate with each other via text to coordinate as we don’t live in the same town. As a result of this, I know that the moms know that their girls are ostracizing mine. They know she is not invited by their girls. They are no longer texting me to make the plans, carpools, etc. My daughter is distraught.
I am also sick to my stomach over it. I don’t know how to help her. I am also heartbroken because I felt that I also thought that I I had the beginnings of a friendship with these women. How do I help my daughter through this?"
This is devastating both for the teen in question and us as moms, Amy explains, because our emotional responses to our adolescent's struggles are often colored by our own memories of how difficult this time in our lives may have been. Offering your child infinite support and compassion while keeping your judgments (and expletives) to yourself is key. And while keeping an open mind at this time may seem impossible– who are these little monsters hurting your child's feelings??– it's also important to remember that there may be more to the story than what you are hearing at home.
Links!
Fresh Take: Judith Warner on What Grownups Get Wrong About Middle School
Dr. Lisa Damour on Helping Kids Manage Anxiety
Judith Warner's book And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781101905890
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
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Fresh Take: Ophira Eisenberg on Why Parenting Is a Joke
Ophira Eisenberg is a Canadian-born standup comedian and writer. You may remember Ophira as the host of NPR’s comedy trivia show Ask Me Another. Ophira is also a regular host and teller with The Moth and her stories have been featured on The Moth Radio Hour and in their best-selling books. Her comedy special Inside Joke is available on Amazon and iTunes. Ophira is also a parent to a 6-year-old and the host of the new comedy podcast Parenting Is A Joke co-produced by iHeart Radio and Pretty Good Friends Productions.
Ophira, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Mom worsts
- Airport teddy bears
- The gray area between being wildly successful and quitting
Here's where you can find Ophira:
- @ophirae on Twitter and IG
- Parenting Is A Joke: http://prettygoodfriends.com/parenting
- Instagram & FB: @parentingisajoke
- Twitter: @parentingjoke
Ophira’s new solo show "Leaving A Mark: A Comedy About Scars” blends all the rawness, vulnerability, and immediacy of first-person storytelling along with sharp standup. Ophira tells harrowing and hilarious stories about acquiring and living with the dozens of scars that cover her body while the definitions of beauty, body acceptance, and the journey between broken and whole, injured and healed are explored.
February 2-4, 9-11, 16-17 at Soho Playhouse.
More info & tickets: https://ci.ovationtix.com/35583/production/1148355?utm_source=theatermania&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=tmlisting
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
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Giving Help That Works - And Asking for the Help We Need
Do you hate feeling unable to help people in crisis, or do you worry about getting too involved and stepping on toes? There are ways to give help to people in need that are productive and considerate, and our listeners wrote in with some excellent examples.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- How to avoid the "let me know if you need anything" trap
- The "comfort in, dump out" model of caretaking
- The perils of too many lasagnas
The best help you can give may be something that feels inconsequential to you but is actually a huge help to the people in need. Whatever your role ends up being during a crisis, accept it graciously, and don't expect a hero's fanfare for your efforts.
Links!
Anne Helen Petersen: A Shortcut for Caring for Others (and Being Cared for Yourself)
Susan Silk and Barry Goldman for the LA Times: "How not to say the wrong thing"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Help! I Have Mom FOMO
Does it feel like everyone else's child is petting golden retrievers in flowered fields while yours are crying in a pile of Cheerios on the floor? Mom FOMO - the fear that you're not giving your kids the positive experiences that all of their peers are getting - is real. Here are some concrete ways to address it.
This week's question comes from Amy in our Facebook group:
"Ok moms how do you all handle FOMO? Avoid social media? Any advice? This is mainly pertaining to things my kids might be missing out on. Experiences, activities, etc."
Margaret discusses some favorite answers to this question from WFH listeners, including JOMO, curating your social media feed to exclude particularly triggering posters, and, Margaret's favorite, list-making.
Join our Facebook group! www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
Read all of the answers to Amy's question in the original thread
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Cindy Muchnick of Parent Compass
Cindy Muchnick is the author of THE PARENT COMPASS: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness & Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World. Cindy has been working in education for the past 25+ years as a former Assistant Director of College Admission, high school teacher, and educational consultant. Cindy is also a mother of three sons and a daughter, now ages 16 to 24.
In this interview Cindy, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- The "true north" of the Parent Compass
- How to assess when you should and shouldn't intervene in our child's life
- How to reframe what success means for our kids
To help our kids thrive, we first have to follow our own compasses as parents and investigate why we parent the way we do. This self-reflection helps us help our kids - which sometimes means helping them less.
Here's where you can find Cindy:
- Twitter | @ParentCompass1
- Instagram | @parentcompass
- Facebook | TheParentCompass
- www.cynthiamuchnick.com
- Buy Cindy's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781641702881
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
Go to onepeloton.com to get $500 off Peloton Tread packages and choose the bundle you like best. All-access membership separate. Offer ends January 8, 2023. Excludes Tread basics. See additional terms at onepeloton.com.
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Is Comparing Our Kids Ever Useful?
Why is it siblings so often seem to be total opposites?
If we notice that and lean into comparisons, are we bad parents?
And if our kids really are completely different, are they choosing those divergent paths on purpose? Yes and no. Here's why kids in the same family can turn out so differently, and what it means for us as we parent them.
In this episode we discuss:
- The definition of "adaptive divergence"
- The difference between knowing our kids and comparing them
- Why each of our children, even in the same household, grow up in their own "micro environments"
At the end of the day, we're wired to compare our kids as naturally as breathing. And instead of punishing ourselves for doing so, noticing when we do it and why is a good start. Even if you think you already know everything about your kids, keep your data intake sheets open!
LINKS!
- Our episode "Why Are Our Kids Such Total Opposites?"
- Lynn Berger for Mother Mag: "How (Not To) Compare Your Children"
- Dr. Frank Sulloway: "Why Siblings Are Like Darwin’s Finches: Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Adaptive Divergence within the Family"
- Jensen, Alexander C et al. in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence: “Parents' Social Comparisons of Siblings and Youth Problem Behavior: A Moderated Mediation Model.”
- Sheryl Ziegler for The Tot: "Why raising your kids differently is actually a good thing"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.
Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping!
Go to onepeloton.com to get $500 off Peloton Tread packages and choose the bundle you like best. All-access membership separate. Offer ends January 8, 2023. Excludes Tread basics. See additional terms at onepeloton.com.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
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Ask Amy: How Do I Get Over My Disappointment at Not Having a Girl?
Have you ever felt disappointed that you have only sons or only daughters? You're not alone, and you don't have to feel guilty about your feelings, either.
A listener says:
"I had my third boy in December (a surprise pregnancy and, frankly, one that my husband did not want). I'm finding it very difficult to get over the fact that I will never have a daughter. My mom and I were insanely close growing up and I always thought I'd continue that strong bond with my own daughter. All my friends and community around me have girls - we were literally the only of our network to have a boy and now I have three.
I can't help feeling sad that I am missing out on a part of life that I grew up looking forward to. I feel so ashamed about it, I haven't been able to speak the words to anyone (least of all my husband who would fear I want a fourth - I don't, by the way).
Many people keep asking if we're going to "try again for a girl," which we were never doing in the first place and just makes me feel more upset. My boys are 4, 21 months and now 5 months old. And I wouldn't trade them in for the world. How can I get over this?"
In this "Best of" episode, Amy describes the anxiety she felt when she learned her third child would be a girl after getting used to parenting two boys. She explains that "gender disappointment" is extremely common– and helps our listener tease out and actively reframe the different emotions that might be at work.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
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Best of: Michaeleen Doucleff on What's Missing in Western Parenting
Do you feel like you're in a constant state of verbal contact with your kids - either arguing, praising, or commanding, all day long? So did Michaeleen Doucleff, until she went on assignment to the Yucatan to learn about Mayan methods of parenting.
Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff is a science reporter for NPR and the author of the New York Times best-seller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In this "Best Of" interview Amy, Margaret, and Michaeleen discuss:
- The power of NOT negotiating with your child
- Tenets of WEIRD parenting (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic)
- How Michaeleen's relationship with her daughter has improved with these techniques
Taking note of how much you insert yourself into your child's activities during the day - and making a conscious effort to do so less - is a very important part of improving both your child's behavior and your relationship with them.
Here's where you can find Michaeleen:
- Twitter: @foodiescience
- michaeleendoucleff.com
- Buy Michaeleen's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982149673
Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
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Best of: Pattern Breaking - When You Want to Do Things Differently
It is often difficult and painful to break parenting patterns that were harmful to us as children. But pattern-breaking is entirely possible and may not be as difficult as we fear.
In this "Best Of" episode, Amy and Margaret discuss the definition of a pattern, how to notice our own, and why changing is indeed an option.
Noticing your physical reactions to triggering situations - and noting that those are reactions to past situations, not the present one - can help you on your way to breaking old patterns.
Links!
- Karen Young for Hey Sigmund: Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Parenting – How to Silence Old Toxic Messages for Good
- "This Be The Verse" by Philip Larkin
- Robert Taibbi for Psychology Today: Breaking Old Patterns? Expect Psychological Withdrawal
- Rough Draft by Katie Tur
- Join our Facebook group!
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Dealing with Losing a Parent While You're Raising Kids
Parenting through grief can be isolating, overwhelming, and debilitating all at the same time. Margaret shares some helpful tactics, both from research and from her own experience, for processing a parent's terminal diagnosis while simultaneously helping your children understand the situation.
A listener wrote in to say:
"Good morning! I found your podcast in 2020 and love listening to you both. I am a 39-year-old mom of 2 girls (6 and 4). My mother was recently given a terminal diagnosis (specifically ALS). Margaret, you have spoken about the loss of your mother on the podcast. I was wondering if you have any tips or advice on how to handle the loss of your mother while also parenting young children (including how to keep her memory alive, since they are so young)."
Margaret explains that it's important to process your feelings alone or with another adult before taking on your children's questions and feelings. But at the same time, it's important to speak openly and frankly with your children about what's happening and what will happen once their grandparent passes away.
In the meantime, be intentional about memory making with your parent and include your children in that process. Margaret and Amy have both used Storyworth, a keepsake-making service that gives relatives a way to share meaningful memories and advice with younger generations. Storyworth is also a sponsor of our podcast, so if you go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell, you can get $10 off.
Links!
Deborah Serani for Psychology Today: "The Do's and Don'ts of Talking With a Child About Death"
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Best Of: KC Davis of "Struggle Care"
Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey.
KC Davis is the creator of the mental health platform Struggle Care, where she shares a revolutionary approach to self and home care for those dealing with mental health, physical illness, and hard seasons of life. She is a licensed professional therapist, author, speaker, and advocate for mental health and recovery. She's the host of the podcast Struggle Care– a member of our Adalyst Media podcast network!– and the author of How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing, which NPR just named one of their favorite books of 2022.
We all get overwhelmed when we see our chaotic houses as endless "to-clean" lists that we never complete. In this "best of" episode, KC Davis offers simple and easy-to-implement strategies for making cleaning up functional--and giving you small wins along the way that really count.
In this episode, KC, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Why dirty dishes are morally neutral
- The five different categories of things to pick up in a messy room
- How working in a restaurant gave KC a new perspective on "closing duties"
Here's where you can find KC:
https://www.strugglecare.com/about
Purchase KC's book, How to Keep House While Drowning, here.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Our Favorite Episodes of 2022
What Fresh Hell is a finalist for a Signal Award! Please vote for our show to win a People's Choice Award at bit.ly/votesignalaward. Voting closes December 22!
Here's the Spotify playlist of our favorite episodes from 2022!
In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Their past lives
- Why Polly Pockets are banned in Margaret's house
- How to know when to walk away - and when to run
2022 has been a great year for What Fresh Hell and for our new podcast network, Adalyst Media. We're excited to bring you more #oldilocks moments, interesting guests, and parenting solutions in 2023. Happy holidays!
Special thanks to our Adalyst Media and What Fresh Hell team!
- Christy Haussler of Team Podcast, Editor
- Erica Furgiuele, Production Manager
- Sarah Levithan, Head of Sales at Adalyst Media
- Gabbi Lindgren, Assistant Director of Operations at Adalyst Media
- Keila Hill-Trawick of Little Fish, our accountant
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Kid Doesn't Hide "Gift Disappointment" Well
If your child gets gifts they don't like from well-meaning family members, it can be difficult to navigate. The last thing we want to do is hurt our loved one's feelings, but we also need to teach our kids how best to handle this situation.
Listener Gabbi wrote in to say:
"Last year my 5-year-old daughter got a Christmas gift from my in-laws – a monogrammed chair for her room. They were excited about it and she was obviously not, and I had to smooth over hurt feelings later. Is there any way to help a handle the disappointment of receiving an unwanted present without making it too obvious?"
Amy explains that when someone gives your child a present, it is important for them to recognize that this gift was given out of love and kindness. Even if they don't love the gift itself, they can still appreciate the kind gesture behind it. And you can always suggest or even purchase a gift yourself for your family member to give your child!
Links!
Sheila Hanson for Popsugar: "These 5 Words Changed the Way My Kids Receive Gifts"
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Natalie Mayslich and Blessing Adesiyan on the Future of Remote Work
Natalie Mayslich is the President of Consumer for Care.com, where she is responsible for expanding, building and delivering the Company’s portfolio of Childcare and Senior Care products and services.
Blessing Adesiyan is the Founder of Mother Honestly, a platform that provides financial technology and work-life infrastructure to employers and is reshaping the future of women and families at home and in the workplace.
Natalie and Blessing are here to talk to us today about a new joint research study between Care.com and Mother Honestly that assesses how remote work truly impacts working families at work and at home. The findings of that study have just been published as The Modern Workplace Report.
Natalie and Blessing explain:
- How remote work makes employees more productive and parents more involved
- How remote work has changed gender roles in the home
- How employers can implement effective remote work policies
Here's where you can find Natalie and Blessing:
- www.care.com
- www.motherhonestly.com
- @caredotcom on IG/FB/TW
- @mhworklife on IG/TW
- Read The Modern Workplace Report
Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
The Holiday Creep
"Holiday Creep" is well on its way to being an entry in Merriam-Webster's dictionary. And with good reason. Amy and Margaret bemoan the fact the Christmas seems to start ever earlier, and weigh in on their strategies for managing the gift giving, decorating, and scheduling craziness at this time of year.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why Margaret is everyone's Christmas nightmare
- The 3 best rules for holiday gift giving
- When Christmas should REALLY start
The solution to all the madness? Let the laws of holiday attrition work in your favor! If something falls off the list of priorities or is just no longer fun, take it off the calendar. Ask for a no-gift-exchange policy amongst family, friends, and coworkers, and find your "no" when it comes to holiday events, tasks, or experiences that are nothing but drudge for everyone!
The only thing on our wish list this year is for you to take our listener survey: bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey
Links!
Here's the Spotify playlist of our holiday episodes
Anne Helen Petersen, "A Theory of Sprawling Holidays"
Mollie Wilson O'Reilly, "Waiting By the Jesse Tree"
Eleanor Lees for Newsweek: "Why Does the Christmas Countdown Get Earlier Every Year?"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com. Offer ends Dec. 31, 2022.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Splitting Time at the Holidays
Do you have multiple groups of relatives who plan on spending the holidays with you? If you've got parents, in-laws, and other relatives competing for your time and attention, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
A listener asks:
"How do you tackle splitting time between family over the holidays with a newborn? Both sets of grandparents live in the same town, but how do we decide that it's time to leave one place and go to the next? It's already tough keeping up eating and napping schedules."
Margaret suggests making a detailed schedule for holiday time with each group of relatives and sharing it with everyone involved so no unpleasant surprises occur. And manage expectations for yourself and for your family around how many visits you'll be able to achieve with kids in tow. The holidays should be a time for family fun above all!
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Heather Chauvin of "Emotionally Uncomfortable"
Heather Chauvin is a leadership coach who helps ambitious, overwhelmed women break free from their fears to courageously and authentically live, work, and parent on their own terms. She’s the host of the podcast Emotionally Uncomfortable and the author of Dying To Be A Good Mother: How I Dropped the Guilt and Took Control of My Parenting and My Life.
Heather explains:
- How a stage four cancer diagnosis changed her life's trajectory
- Her process of writing down desires rather than goals
- Why atomic habits are the key to success for busy moms
Working towards your goals is a long game of tiny shifts, says Heather. It's not about waking up one day and moving to Bali to open a bar (although if that IS your dream, more power to you!) It's about taking one minute, then two, then ten, to make space for your desires not just as a wife and a mother but as a full human being.
Here's where you can find Heather:
IG: @heatherchauvin_
Facebook: @heatherchauvincoaching
Listen to the "Emotionally Uncomfortable" podcast
Buy Heather's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781774580226
Take Heather's Energy Finder quiz: http://heatherchauvin.com/lifequiz
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Weird Things That Freak Us Out
Whether it's fish, feet, or ramen, our listeners have got some very odd things that they just can't stand. We discuss the breadth and depth of their very weirdest fears, along with our own aversions to the darndest things.
Margaret and Amy discuss:
- Margaret's fear of grass and jazz
- Amy's rusty yoga poses
- The scariest Muppets
Links!
- Babies refusing to stand on grass montage
- Join our Facebook group
- Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
- Check out all of our Adalyst Media Network podcasts
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Child Is Slow to Warm Up With Adults
If our kids seem standoffish at first when other adults try to engage them in conversation, parents may worry that such kids are missing essential social skills. This week a listener asks:
"I'd love ideas on how to get your child to engage in normal back-and-forth conversation with adults. My four-year-old won’t respond to extended family or other adults when they try to talk her her. No “Hello," no “Thank you”, etc.
If the adults engage in play with her, then she will be very chatty. But this morning she wouldn’t respond when her own father said ”Good morning."
This is probably totally age-appropriate, and she's a happy, well-adjusted kid, but she struggles with this. I’ve been trying to practice and prep her with how to respond before events, but that hasn’t made much progress."
Amy assures our listener that this behavior is both age-appropriate and worth having a discussion about. Put your child in the driver's seat with a little role play, practicing both initiating conversation and responding to prompts. And remember that it's totally okay if your kid takes a while to warm up to others - better giving them space than forcing them into uncomfortable social situations. There's plenty of time for the latter when they become adults.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Leslie Forde of Mom's Hierarchy of Needs
Ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Maslow proposed a pyramid as the pattern through which human needs and motivations generally move. We can't worry about what's at the upper levels of the pyramid until and unless the more basic needs at the bottom of the pyramid– food, warmth, safety– are met first.
Leslie Forde, founder of Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs, has rethought that pyramid for the way we live our lives as mothers. There's a reason there's not enough bandwidth in our lives for fun and connection and self-actualization. Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs provides moms with products, research and community to reclaim time from their never-done to-do lists.
In this episode, Leslie explains:
- Why mom's hierarchy of needs is a little different than Maslow's
- When and why your hierarchy of needs might shift
- How to prioritize your career, healthy relationships, and self-care in your own hierarchy
Leslie says that it's important to realize your health and wellbeing is equal in importance to your children's health and wellbeing, and once you internalize that, you can start to make room for your own needs without feeling guilty or frivolous.
Here's where you can find Leslie:
- Facebook: @MOMSHIERARCHYOFNEEDS
- Twitter: @MOMSHIERARCHY
- IG: @MOMSHIERARCHYOF_NEEDS
- Leslie's TimeCheck app
- https://momshierarchyofneeds.com/
Our episode "Isn't This Supposed to Be More Fun?"
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $30 off Aura’s best-selling frames at auraframes.com/FRESH. Terms and conditions apply.
Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Enroll in the program at bookcoaches.com/podcasts before December 31st to get $600 in book coaching extras.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/FRESH.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/wfh and use code WFH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Is This Supposed to Be More Fun?
Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey.
When parenting feels like all work and no play, we may resignedly think "Well, that's the way it's supposed to be." But if you feel like parenting is more draining than fulfilling, there are ways to bring more presence, joy, and fun into the mix.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- why having fun as a family usually means doing what kids think is fun, which is not the same as US having fun
- what psychologists say is required in order to have fun- and why those same things can be in short supply in our lives as parents
- the role of "flow" in fun, and whether eight hours of video games might start to have diminishing returns
Sometimes parenting isn't fun. The reasons for that aren't our fault, and losing the guilt that it's not all more fun can really help. On the other hand, if it's never fun, there might be some rearrangements of our family life that can occur... and we've got ideas on how to start.
Links!
- Jennifer Senior: All Joy And No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood
- Daniel Gilbert: Stumbling on Happiness
- Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi: Flow
- Arlie Hochschild: The Second Shift
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/fresh and get on your way to being your best self.”
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/wfh and use code WFH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Should I Help My Kids with Things I Know They Can Do Themselves?
Does your kid ask you to make their breakfast or do their laundry despite the fact that they know how to do these things? Where's the line between lending them a hand and waiting on them hand and foot?
Listener Lindsay asks:
"Talk to me about how you field requests from your kids to “help them” with things they’re old enough to do themselves. Like my 12 year old’s constant requests to make her breakfast, or my 6 year old who will often ask me to go fetch things for her that she forgot elsewhere in the house. I will often decline and tell them that they can do these things themselves… but then I wonder — couldn’t they say the same thing to me when I ask them for help? They’re always very willing to help me when I ask, and I know they are probably looking at these requests of me in the same light. How do I reciprocate their willingness to help me without teaching them learned helplessness? "
There's no hard-and-fast rule for how much your kids should be doing around the house. As long as you contextualize the scenarios where you help for your kids, there's no harm in sometimes doing things for them if they're bogged down with homework or having a rough day.
Links!
Children's Hospital of Philadelphia blog: "Chores and Kids: How Much Should You Expect?"
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Yael Schonbrun on "Work, Parent, Thrive"
Why does it feel like our career and our family are pulling us in different directions and making it hard to be fully present in both arenas? In her new book Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection (When Everything Feels Like too Much). Dr. Yael Schonbrun explains how we can move from a zero-sum mindset to a life in which our work life and our family life are enable to enrich each other.
Yael Schonbrun is also the co-host of the "Psychologists Off the Clock" podcast, an assistant professor at Brown University, and a mother of three little comedians. In this episode Yael and Amy discuss:
- Why the guilt that often accompanies parenting is hard-wired into us
- What values clarification looks like
- Why starting a "stop doing" list can be surprisingly helpful
Here's where you can find Yael:
Twitter: @DrYaelSchonbrun
#WorkParentThrive
Buy Yael's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781611809657
Links!
Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on how to manage anxiety
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/fresh and get on your way to being your best self.”
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
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When The World Moves Too Fast For Our Kids
Please take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey! It helps us bring you sponsors you'll love– and it keeps this podcast going!
When we look at our kids– and think of the responsibilities we had and risks we took at their ages– a lot of us think our kids are growing up more slowly. This is definitely not always a bad thing. But when our kid is playing Pokémon and their peers have moved on to Snapchat, should we be encouraging them to blossom? Or letting them stay young a little longer?
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- why it's good to have "young" kids
- when to rescue, and when to leave them alone
- how to make our own homes safe havens for our kids to be exactly who they are
Links!
- Camille Noe Pagán for WebMD: "Is It Immaturity or ADHD?"
- Alloprof Parents: "5 ways to support an immature first grader"
- PsychCentral: "The Effects of Trauma from Growing up Too Fast"
- Amy Norton for CBS News: "Why today's teens are growing up more slowly than they used to"
- Katie Bishop for BBC: "Kids getting older younger: Are children growing up too fast?"
- Steven Richfield for HealthyPlace: "Coaching The Emotionally Immature Middle Schooler"
- Julie Rawe for Understood: "Why some kids seem immature compared to other kids their age"
- Dr. Tori Cordiano for Your Teen Magazine: "My Daughter Is Immature and She’s Annoying Her Friends"
- Jessica Lahey for Your Teen Magazine: "Understanding Changing Middle School Friendships"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/fresh and get on your way to being your best self.”
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Kid Asks for Help - and Then Gets Mad at Me
When our kids get overwhelmed with homework and tests and schedule-making, it can be pretty clear they need our help. Sometimes they come right out and ask for assistance– only to then angrily insist every suggestion we make is the dumbest thing ever. How can we support our stressed kids without being trash cans for all their frustration and bad feelings?
A member of our Facebook group says:
My family moved last spring to a new school district with higher standards than our previous one. Our teen is really having a hard time understanding how to manage his time. I know he has all the tools and support to be successful, so the only thing holding him back is his own effort/attitude. He procrastinates and bargains his way into doing the least possible effort and then when I check in with him to review or to help plan his assignments he snarls at me.
He is in this cycle of not wanting to do the work or the task in the moment, and then getting pissed later that he essentially set himself up to struggle. We let him make his own study plans for the first six weeks with us just supporting his choices where we could, but that resulted in poor grades. Then we would force him to let us help him study, and he would be much more successful. He just fights the help.
So I have 2 options: A- say “fine, go ahead and do it your way and fail your classes” which will result in many consequences I fear that he is not mature enough to think about, or B- keep taking the abuse and fighting him, knowing that it’s the only way he will stay on track which is definitely not the healthiest means to an end.
It's a tough situation a parent to be in, and hard not to become triggered by it. Amy says it's important to remember that our kids are struggling with two different things– their workloads, and their anxieties– and that their frustrations are about those things, not about how annoying Mom is. No matter what they might say.
Books Amy mentions in the episode:
THE EXPLOSIVE CHILD by Ross Greene
SMART BUT SCATTERED TEENS by Richard Guare, Peg Dawson, and Colin Guare
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Wendi Aarons on Growing Older, Wiser, and Louder
Self-declared late-bloomer Wendi Aarons is an award-winning humorist, writer, and author who's written for McSweeney’s, The New Yorker Daily Shouts, US Weekly, and BuzzFeed. Her new book, "I'm Wearing Tunics Now: On Growing Older, Better, and a Hell of a Lot Louder," is an exploration of self-acceptance, second acts, and unapologetically chasing the lives we deserve as women.
In this episode we discuss:
- why we would– and wouldn't– go back to when we were younger
- the ability to reprioritize female friendships at midlife
- why every new mom feels like she's in a middle-school cafeteria
Aging can bring unwelcome surprises along with it, says Wendi, but it can also bring some welcome ones.
Here's where you can find Wendi:
Social media: @WendiAarons
Buy Wendi's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781524873738
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. BetterHelp is online therapy that is affordable, confidential, and effective! Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
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I Really Thought This Would Be a Bigger Part of My Life
What did adulthood mean to you when you were growing up? Staying up late? Doing algebra every day? Stopping, dropping, and rolling at least once a week? We asked our listeners what they thought would come in handy or plague them daily when they grew up.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- "Oops! All Berries" Cap'n Crunch cereal
- Chunky statement pieces
- How to get the upper hand in "Jeopardy"
Here's the original thread in our Facebook group where we asked this question
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: My 8-year-old Has Some Spicy Language
Have you caught your kid using some choice words in your presence, perhaps ones he picked up from older friends or even you yourself? Wondering how to rein in your little goodfella?
A listener wrote in to say:
"Our almost-eight-year-old has been hanging around some older kids, and has found it amusing to use various swear words both casually and in a derogatory context at home. We’ve had multiple talks about how, while we don’t care that he knows these words, we don’t want him using them in our presence and in the presence of others as they can be considered very rude and insulting.
It hasn’t seem to have made a difference. Is this a phase? Do we just blank-face ignore it? Is it time for a negative consequence for swearing just because he gets a kick out of it? We also don’t want it to wear off on our four-year-old."
Margaret says that finding the middle way between reactive punishment and blank-faced detachment when your kid swears in front of you is the key to success. Here's how to thread that needle.
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Chelsea Conaboy on "Mother Brain"
Why do so many mothers struggle with new parenthood if the maternal instinct is supposed to "kick in" and tell us all exactly what to do? In her new book Mother Brain: How Neuroscience Is Rewriting the Story of Parenthood, Chelsea Conaboy cracks the myth of the maternal instinct wide open.
In this episode, Chelsea explains:
- How caring for a baby changes the brain of both biological and nonbiological parents, both gestational and non-gestational, and for far longer than we realize
- Why the traditional view of "baby blues" falls far short of what new parents need
- Why the parent-child bond is a two-way street, and how each of our children changes our brains further
- How we can use this new science to improve outcomes for all parents
Here's where you can find Chelsea:
Website: motherbrainbook.com
Twitter: @cconaboy
IG: @chelsea.wonder
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Pivoting To What's Next
For moms who want to make a change, whether it's returning to an old career after a break, or forging a entirely new path, Amy and Margaret are here to tell you: it's possible, and it can be a time that feels like possibility instead of a series of closed doors.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Their own (multiple) experiences with pivoting
- How the pandemic has affected working moms
- The challenges of reentering the workforce after being a stay-at-home parent for some time
The first step to pivoting? Uncovering what you really want in this next stage of your professional life, which will take some time and reflection. Think big.
Links!
Caroline Fairchild for Working Together: "Nearly half of mothers work, take a break, and work again. Why is there still such a stigma?"
Jamie Birt for Indeed: "9 Tips for Stay-at-Home Parents Re-Entering the Workforce"
Misty L. Heggeness et. al: "Tracking Job Losses for Mothers of School-Age Children During a Health Crisis"
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love
Sign up for our newsletter here!
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Kid Is Really Hard on Himself
Does your child crumple every time he makes a mistake? Particularly when it's in front of an audience? A listener named Katherine wrote in to say:
My 8-year-old son is very aware of how he performs relative to others. When he is performing “worse” than others he is very hard on himself. He says “I’m the worst” and cries. This comes up most often in sports. He played baseball recently and when he struck out he often cried. (I think the public nature of striking out heightens his distress.)
We try to validate his emotions. We try to encourage and validate his efforts and not the outcome. But nothing seems to work. It’s heart breaking. I don’t want to get into a logical battle with him about him not being the worst!
A logical battle is indeed not the answer, Amy explains. You're arguing with the default mode network. Redirecting and distracting from the issue will make it easier on both you and your kid.
Links!
Fresh Take: Dr. Ned Hallowell on the Newest Science and Essential Strategies for ADHD
Our episode: When To Let Kids Quit
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Hunter Clarke-Fields - Mindful Mama Mentor
Hunter Clarke-Fields is the creator of the Mindful Parenting course, the host of the Mindful Mama Podcast, and the author of Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids. Hunter helps parents bring more calm and peace into their daily lives. Hunter has over twenty years of experience in meditation practices and has taught mindfulness to thousands worldwide. She is the mother to two daughters.
In this interview Hunter explains:
- The true definition of mindfulness
- How to break the cycle of reactivity
- Her own struggles with staying mindful as a parent
The key is to start small with creating a mindfulness practice, Hunter says. (Oh, and it may sound cliché, but lots of deep breaths, too. Guess what? It works.)
Here's where you can find Hunter:
- FB/Instagram - @mindfulmamamentor
- YouTube - @HunterClarkeFieldsMindfulMamaMentor
- Twitter - @HClarkeFields
- Pinterest - @mindfulmamamentor
- Website: www.mindfulmamamentor.com
- Buy Hunter's Book Raising Good Humans: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781684033881
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com.
Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Teaching Kids Patience
If a three-year-old can't wait thirty seconds more for dinner, will she grow up to be an impatient adult? Is there anything we can do to teach our kids patience– and should we?
Impatience is completely normal in kids (not to mention grownups), but there are ways to help our children develop this skill. It's worth the effort– not to make our kids more compliant and quiet in church, but because patience and overall happiness, as it turns out, are highly correlated.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why impatience is developmentally appropriate- and when kids are ready to become more patient
- The infamous "marshmallow experiment"
- How to model patience for our kids (and find a little more happiness ourselves)
Links!
- Steve Calechman for Greater Good Magazine: "How to Help Your Kids Be a Little More Patient"
- Angel E Navidad for SimplyPsychology: "Marshmallow Test Experiment and Delayed Gratification"
- Scholastic Parents: "Teaching Patience"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Go to etsy.com and use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase.
Faherty has your fall wardrobe covered. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use code FRESH at checkout to snag 20% off ALL your new fall staples.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: My Kid Loves to Push the Limits
Is the phrase "Well, you didn't say NOT to" a common refrain in your house? Some kids love to find ways around the rules and regulations parents or teachers set down.
A listener wrote in to say:
"How do you get your middle schooler to focus his incredible power of finding loopholes in all things from pointless ideas to more proactive agendas?
He’s smart, witty, loves attention, and can argue with a brick wall. How do I help him channel that to good? Or how do I survive until he is mature enough to do it naturally? "
Margaret explains that boundary-seeking behavior is natural in kids and that parenting is more about "benevolent dictatorship" than constant policing.
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Laura Vanderkam on "Tranquility By Tuesday"
Laura Vanderkam is the author of several time management books, including the just-out "Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters." She hosts the every-weekday-morning podcast "Before Breakfast" and also co-hosts "Best of Both Worlds" with Sarah Hart-Unger. She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and five children.
Laura explains:
- How to create a "resilient" schedule
- How to start small with prioritizing the more important things
- What keeps people from taking ownership of their time
Starting small is the key, Laura says, by investigating how you currently spend your time and using that information as a launch point to move towards a more "resilient" schedule.
Here's where you can find Laura:
http:///lauravanderkam.com
@lvanderkam on Twitter and IG
@lauravanderkamauthor on FB
Buy Laura's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593419007
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
What Kind of Mom-ster?
What's your scariest mom-ster story? Do you leave half-empty cups everywhere like Margaret? Do you leave hairs on the shower wall like Amy? We asked our listeners when they were the mom-sters, and some of the answers sent chills down our spines!
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- "Driver's License" (wait, is it not cool anymore?)
- The secret to moms' bad moods
- Recycling rules (and how we don't respect them)
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Kid Has a Not-So-Secret Admirer
Does another kid have an unrequited crush on your kid? How does your kid shut it down without seeming cruel or unkind?
A listener on FB asks:
A girl has a big crush on my 8-year-old boy. She follows him around, always tries to sit next to him, and is constantly trying to talk to him. He isn't interested in her (or anyone); he just wants to hang out with his buddies. I told him he doesn't have to like her back, but he just can't be mean to her. Is there anything he can say to her that isn't mean but will let her know he doesn't want to hang out with her?
Amy explains that setting boundaries is just as important for boys as it is for girls and gives some practice phrases for kids to do just that. There is a way to take the middle road of validating both kids' emotions while maintaining healthy boundaries and decorum, she says.
Links:
Rae Jacobson for Child Mind Institute: "Helping Girls Deal With Unwanted Sexual Attention"
Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg Says You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent
Carla Naumburg, PhD, LICSW, is a clinical social worker, and mother. She’s the author of four non-fiction books, including her international bestseller, How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids (Workman, 2019), as well as You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent, and the forthcoming How to Stop Freaking Out, the (completely swear-free) middle-grade adaptation of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids.
Carla explains:
- Sh*tty Parenting Syndrome (SPS)
- The "second arrow" of suffering
- The four pillars of practicing self-compassion: noticing, connection, curiosity, and kindness
- Self-compassion isn't meant to help you feel better, Carla says. It's meant to assure you that you can still feel all of the big emotions that come with parenting while taking care of yourself and validating whatever you are feeling. This allows us to approach parenting from a place of calm, clarity, creativity, and confidence.
Here's where you can find Carla:
@carlanaumburg on IG
@CarlaGeorge22 on Twitter
/cnaumburg on Facebook
https://www.carlanaumburg.com/
Buy Carla's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523517114
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Teachers are Awesome and This Is Why
Which teacher is your kid's favorite person in school? How did a teacher give your kid extra support that they weren't required to give? How did a teacher advocate for your kid when they weren't able to do it for themselves?
The examples are endless, yet teachers are under an immense amount of pressure to deliver flawless educational educational experiences for every single one of their students, as this listener explained in our Facebook group:
"Please allow me to provide a peek behind the teacher curtain. If you dare to try and save your families from a bed full of confetti the night before school and save your remaining sanity and $40, the principal calls you to their office the next day. With a judgmental sniff, they tell you they just got off the phone with that one mom who is “very upset” that her special snowflake cried herself to sleep last night because her friend had the magical, life altering opportunity to fill the house with glitter confetti and YOU deprived Snowflake of the same incredible experience. (No mom ever calls and tells the principal to thank you for NOT perpetrating this horror upon their household.) Your “classroom vibe” and parent communication is literally part of your annual review. And the bar is high."
We asked our listeners how teachers went above and beyond for their kids, and they had too many examples to name. Thank you, teachers!
Links:
Humans of New York story about Jon Cruz
Jesse Jackson on Sesame Street "I Am Somebody!"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Planning a Family RV Trip
Thinking about planning a long-distance road trip for your family in an RV? Not sure where to start?
Julie on Facebook asks:
My kid wants to do an RV trip next summer. We live in Ohio and have no specific destinations in mind yet. But any resources to help us learn the ropes and pitfalls ahead of time would be greatly appreciated.
When she went on a six-day RV trip with her family, Margaret learned some easy and some DEFINITELY not so easy lessons about road trips with kids. Hint: less is definitely more!
Margaret rented her RV from cruiseamerica.com (not a sponsor, btw)
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Stuart Shanker on Self-Reg
This week we're delighted to be talking to an expert whose work has shaped our understanding about effective and compassionate parenting more than anyone else we can think of.
Dr. Stuart Shanker is a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology, the Founder & Visionary of The MEHRIT Centre, Ltd., and Self-Reg Global Inc. He is the author of several books, including Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life. The Self-Reg framework uses cutting-edge neuroscience to help children and adults feel happy and think clearly by better regulating themselves.
Dr. Shanker's latest books are Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators (2019) and Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society .
In this episode, Dr. Shanker explains:
- the three basic principles of the self-reg framework
- how stress affects kids' behavior
- how to break the spiraling stress cycle for both parents and kids
Find Dr. Shanker's self-reg courses here: https://self-reg.ca/
@SelfReg on social media
@themehritcentre on Pinterest
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
The Most Important Things We've Learned (So Far)
Happy 6th Anniversary to What Fresh Hell! In six years of doing this podcast, we've learned a lot, changed our minds, and watched our kids grow. This week we're talking about the most important things we've learned over the last six years, and what a privilege it is to be part of this incredible podcast community. Thanks for listening!
Here are some things we talk about in this episode:
- Fresh Take: Helena Andrews-Dyer on Learning From Moms Not Like Us
- Fresh Take: Dr. Becky Goodman on Being "Good Inside"
- Faberge Organics Hairspray commercial (tell two friends!)
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Do I Get My Tweens to Bed?
Bedtime struggles don't end once your kids are no longer toddlers. Is bedtime at your house leaving you more exhausted than the kids?
A listener wrote in to say:
"I just re-listened to your bedtime routine podcast to get some much-needed advice. I have 8 and 11-year-olds and we are having trouble with bedtime. I am spending 2+ hours with the whole routine and it goes without saying that I’m getting burned out.
I can apply some of the tips from that particular episode which was geared towards a four-year-old, but do you have any tips for these ages? Anything is appreciated."
Amy suggests this listener hink about what she can add and what she can take away. If the song-and-dance has become part of the routine, it might be time for a "back to one." Listen on for some ideas.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Helena Andrews-Dyer on Learning From Moms Not Like Us
Helena Andrews-Dyer is an award-winning culture reporter for The Washington Post. Her new memoir “The Mamas: What I Learned About Kids, Class, and Race From Moms Not Like Me” tells the story of how Helena joined her local mom group —“the Mamas”— after having her first child.
Helena quickly realized that being one of the only Black mothers in the mix was a mixed bag. The racial, cultural, and socioeconomic differences were made clear almost immediately. In this interview, Helena and Margaret discuss what it's like raising Black children in America, what she's learned about the connections motherhood forges, and the many cultural spaces Helena has occupied throughout her life.
Helena and Margaret discuss:
- The ways motherhood is racialized for Black women
- Being an "invisible mom"
- What it takes to make an authentic connection with another mother
Here's where you can find Helena:
www.helenaandrews.com
find THE MAMAS in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593240311
@helena_andrews on IG and Twitter
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Is It Sometimes Easier When Our Spouses Aren't Around?
There are lots of reasons why someone might find parenting easier when their spouse is not around, and not all of them are a cause to call in the couples therapist. A listener posted in our Facebook group:
Anyone else feel like things are easier when their spouse isn’t home? We’ve been dealing with some family issues so he is out of town. I find that when he isn’t here, my kids listen better, we make a good team and work together, they sleep better, etc. Is that weird? How can one person make such a difference? Not much has changed except I do a little more (take out the trash, drop kids off at school) so it’s not that I have more time. It just seems more peaceful in our home or something. And to be honest, I’m not sure it’s a good sign!
When we're solo parenting, we have more alone time, we don't have to negotiate child-related or housework-related decisions, and there are fewer dishes and dirty clothes to wash. If you like it when your spouse is away, that doesn't mean you love them any less or they're a bad spouse. But are there advantages we can consider making part of our parenting all the time? That might also be a possibility.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why it's easier to solo parent sometimes
- How the pandemic changed couple dynamics
- How to discuss with our spouse how we feel
We've launched a new network! Adalyst Media is where women come to listen. Find out more about Adalyst Media at adalystmedia.com.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Katie Cloyd for Scary Mommy: "My Life Is Easier When My Husband Travels"
- Meredith Bland for Parent Map: "Parenting is Easier When My Husband is Out of Town"
- We Did Not Sign Up For Being With Our Spouses 24/7 (with guest Damona Hoffman)
- A Room Of Our Own: Claiming the Space We Need
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH.
Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH.
Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: My Kid Won't Stop Spitting
Three-year-olds will do a lot of things to get attention– sometimes including spitting in your face. A listener wrote in to say:
"My almost 3-year-old spits. He doesn't respond well to time-outs, losing toys/treats/etc., explaining that it's rude and hurtful. He spits in my face during church, at his older siblings, or any time he doesn't get his immediate way. He does it when he's getting attention, when he's not getting attention, when he's happy, when he's mad...I'm at a loss. I cannot find the pattern and it is really starting to get to me."
The key, as Margaret explains, is to not give our kids the satisfaction of a big reaction to their unwanted behaviors. Easier said than done... but here are a few things to try.
In this episode Margaret mentions:
Amy Morin for Verywell Family: "How to Discipline a Child for Spitting"
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Penelope Leach on "Your Baby and Child"
Penelope Leach is a research psychologist and one of the world's leading experts in child development and upbringing. Penelope has helped millions of parents raise their children for more than forty years with her thoroughly researched, practical, baby-led advice, her wise, empathic, and sensible perspective, and her comforting voice. She also has two children and six grandchildren of her own.
Penelope's classic childcare guide YOUR BABY AND CHILD is out now in a fully revised and updated edition. Much has changed since this book was first published in the 1970s, and this new edition thoughtfully incorporates all that we've learned about child development and family structures in the many years since.
Amy, Margaret, and Dr. Leach discuss:
- How thinking around child development has changed [2:50]
- How a mother's stress affects her child [17:10]
- What parents are still worried about 50 years later [30:00]
Grab your copy of YOUR BABY AND CHILD from our Bookshop store!
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Why Isn't This a Thing? (Part Two)
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
Cars with built-in refrigerator magnets, super strong hair-collecting magnets, and of course, Baby Uber (car seats included!) Our listeners had so many good ideas for life-saving parenting inventions that we couldn't fit them all into our first "Why Isn't This a Thing?" episode. So here is "Why Isn't This a Thing: Part Two: New Things Rising: Maybe It Is a Thing."
Amy and Margaret discuss amazing ideas like:
- Hotels for sick moms
- Cocktail ice cream trucks
- Applebee's buzzers
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Do I Get My Little Guy to Open Up?
Some kids have "lower set points" for needing to process experiences verbally and they may naturally be a quieter kid, which means parents may need to let go of the expectations they have set for having long, deep conversations with their kids every day after school.
This week, a listener asks:
I have three boys: almost 7, almost 4, almost 3. I've tried to do the rose/ thorn/ bud reflection at dinner to get even the tiniest glimpse in to my almost-7 year old's day. And I am constantly responded to with either "I dunno" or "So many things I can't even begin to tell you."
When I/we say "Well, pick one" he will just shrug and say "I dunno" or stay silent.
We will sit in the silence in order to give him time to think but he will always move on to a different topic - usually something he's obsessed with and nothing related to what we have been talking about.
I've often said things like "Well, I'd love to know when you think of one thing" or have encouraged him to take his time, but we get nothing.
At the end of last year I discovered he was fighting with another boy and that they were no longer friends - I had thought they were buddies! It turns out all the other moms knew because their kids had talked about their "beef". I feel like if my kid would open up maybe this would've come to my attention.
I feel sad and frustrated, how do I get him to talk?
There are some things you can try to break the ice: let your kid decide on the topic of conversation; vary the time of day when you try to talk to your kid; and use conversation cards like these Table Topics for Kids to get the conversation going. But forcing the issue is usually counterproductive. If your child is content overall, there's a chance that not sharing about their day isn't actually holding them back.
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
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Fresh Take: Donna Jackson Nakazawa on Helping Our Daughters Thrive
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is an award-winning science journalist whose work explores the intersection of neuroscience, immunology, and emotion. Her latest book, GIRLS ON THE BRINK: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media, unpacks the causes of the stress on American girls and its detrimental effects on their mental health.
Donna, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- Why girls tend to be more depressed and anxious than boys [2:07]
- How we've stolen girls' "safe in-between years" [17:30]
- "Antidote" strategies for helping girls through adolescence [26:30]
Here's where you can find Donna:
https://donnajacksonnakazawa.com
@donnajacksonnakazawaauthor on Facebook
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
What We're Reading, Watching, and Listening to This Fall
We're back with another roundup of what we're reading, watching, and listening to. Some of it's educational. Some of it's spicy. Some of it's just for fun. And all of it is totally worth your time!
What we're reading:
- A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas
- All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership by Darcy Lockman
- Evgenia Peretz for Vanity Fair: "Scene Stealer: The True Lies of Elisabeth Finch, Part 1"
- Our What Fresh Hell newsletter! Subscribe on our homepage.
What we're watching:
- Amy Winehouse documentary "Back to Black"
- The Rehearsal on HBO
- Napoleon Dynamite
- Jeopardy!
- Animal Facts @comedyfortheinternet #animalfacts
- Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey
- Under the Banner of Heaven (book and TV show)
- KC Davis's TikTok @domesticblisters
What we're listening to:
- The Seduction
- Dirty John
- Sweet Bobby
- A Normal Family: The JonBenet Ramsey Case Revisited
- Watch What Crappens
- Our Fresh Take with Kate Mangino
- Beyoncé's new album "Renaissance"
- Lizzo's new album "Special"
- Our episode "Grudges Held, Grudges Kept"
Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to that we think you’ll love. Go to whatfreshhellpodcast.com – there’s a link in the right sidebar.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: My Son Doesn't Have Any Close Friends. Is That a Problem?
This week, a listener asks:
My 10-year-old son is friendly, outgoing, and very accepting. He is also really interested in sports. He has a lot of acquaintances in both school and on his teams, but has no one I would call a best friend. He doesn’t get invited to a lot of birthday parties and rarely is asked for a play date, although the neighborhood kids will knock on the door and ask for him to come play a fair amount.
He has ADHD and can get a little overly silly and/or annoy kids (I suspect). But he has not expressed any dissatisfaction with his social life and does not appear lonely, so I don’t want to project my thoughts and feelings on him, but is his lack of close friendships a concern? Is it something we should work on, perhaps social skills?
I have never had a lot of acquaintances but have always had a few close friends. My friends changed throughout school but I always had a small group of close friends. Again, I know he is a different person than I am, but I don’t want to miss a sign of something that is amiss. Thoughts?
Margaret suggests that if your child isn't expressing dissatisfaction with their social life, it's perfectly alright to leave the matter alone for the time being. There are things that can get in the way of a child forming close friendships, as discussed in the Huffington Post article linked below, and approaching the situation by modeling appropriate behavior yourself is the best course of action.
This could look like a social skills class for your child, which Margaret found helpful with hers, or it could simply be practicing polite conversation, reading social cues, and asking others about their interests at the dinner table. Social skills are something you can get better at over time, so don't sweat it if your kid doesn't seem to have it down pat yet.
Here is the link to the article Margaret mentions in the episode:
Samantha Kemp-Jackson for the Huffington Post: When Your Child Doesn't Have Friends, Here's What To Do
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Fresh Take: Dr. Becky Kennedy on Being "Good Inside"
Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and mom of three who’s rethinking the way we raise our children. She's the host of "Good Inside With Dr. Becky," named by Apple Podcasts as one of the best podcasts of 2021. She also empowers more than a million parents following her on Instagram @drbeckyatgoodinside.
Dr. Becky specializes in thinking deeply about what’s happening for kids and translating these ideas into simple, actionable strategies for parents. Her new book is GOOD INSIDE: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.
In this episode, Becky, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How kids communicate through their behaviors
- How to navigate behavior regulation when you're short on time
- Why "Good Inside" is a slightly different parenting approach
Here's where you can find Dr. Becky:
@drbeckyatgoodinside on IG and FB
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Should We Pay Our Kids to Clean Their Rooms?
Should our kids have chore lists– and if so, should they be paid allowances for them?
If they're not getting paid to do chores, why exactly are they getting an allowance?
Do we need to have any structure around chores at all?
How old is old enough to be helpful around the house?
In this episode, we discuss:
- Why chores set kids up for success down the road [12:52]
- The pros of paying kids to do chores [22:33]
- Non-monetary ways to motivate kids to do chores [26:00]
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
Gia Miller for The Washington Post On Parenting: "I pay my kids to get dressed, do homework and more. It’s the best decision I ever made."
Jennie Wallace for The Wall Street Journal: "Why Children Need Chores"
AICPA: Four in Five Americans Say Allowance Teaches Financial Responsibility: New Survey
Joe Pinsker for The Atlantic: The Way American Parents Think About Chores Is Bizarre
Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic for Harvard Business Review: "Does Money Really Affect Motivation? A Review of the Research"
Fresh Take: Michaeleen Doucleff on Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Spouse Goes Out with Friends...and I Don't
Has it been a while since you've had a night out? Does your parenting partner, in contrast, have an active social life? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group:
How do I explain to my husband that while it’s nice he wants to see his friends weekly, he doesn’t have to? He has two friends he hangs out with almost every week, and they're both child-free. So the hanging out always happens during bedtime– or sometimes he'll even leave mid-bedtime.
I haven’t seen my friends solo in weeks! Maybe even months! I heard somewhere it’s easier for a dad or non primary caregiver to find childcare ( in their spouse ) than it is for a mom or primary care giver to find it in their spouse.
Most of my friends' husbands hardly ever watch their kids, never do bedtimes, or even worse, have never cared for all their kids, solo, at once. The other problem is that it's less work to stay home than go out... Because you know your partner, if they watch the kids, will do the bare bones. The house will be a disaster when I come home.
In other words, my husband is a good person, he is willing to watch my kids, but being a mom it’s also not always practical. Please tell me this isn’t just something I struggle with!
Let's change our own language around this before we try to change minds. When our spouses or partners are parenting, they're not babysitting, or watching the kids, or helping us. They're doing what they're supposed to be doing.
We have to entitle ourselves to the same social lives and plans as our parenting partners who aren't as tied to the home. If their cleaning standards might be below ours... we can fix that, but a little further down the road. For now, focus on how good is it for your family– and for you– that you have renewing time with your friends, and how good it is for your kids to see that your partner can take care of them just as well as you can.
Here is writing on the topic mentioned in this episode:
Melinda Wenner Moyer: "At Least I'm Not as Bad as That Dad!"
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Linda Flanagan on Taking Back Kids' Sports
Linda Flanagan is a journalist, researcher, and a former cross-country and track coach. She's also a founding board member of the Positive Coaching Alliance and an Advisory Group member for the Aspen Institute’s Reimagining Sports initiative. Flanagan's new book is TAKE BACK THE GAME: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids' Sports--and Why It Matters. Linda tells Amy and Margaret what forces conspired to make the youth sports landscape the way it is today.
In this episode, Linda, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How the purpose of kids' sports has changed since we were playing ourselves [7:00]
- Why we assume sports build character, and whether that's true [14:30]
- How recruitment for college sports affects both kids' and parents' perspectives [22:15]
Here's where you can find Linda:
@lindaflanagan2 on Twitter
Read Linda's recent article in The Atlantic: "The Downsides of Having an Athlete in the Family"
Our previous episode on kids' sports: "Youth Sports: If You Must"
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
What Fresh Hell Is Back to School?
It's back-to-school season, and even if that means you have a few more hours to yourself each day, there are still plenty of fresh hells in store, from preseason sports to parent portals to an unholy invention called "ready confetti". Amy and Margaret share their own stories of times when back-to-school meant drive-me-mad.
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Phyllis Fagell for The Washington Post: "Five ways parents can help children have a better school year"
- Ratchetdemic by Christopher Emdin
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: What Should Kids DO After School?
This week, listener Katie says:
Hi, Margaret and Amy. I am a longtime listener of the show and I've gained so much wisdom, comfort, and humorous perspectives on parenthood from you both. I am a parent of two boys, ages five going into kindergarten and nine going into fourth grade. Currently I am a full-time working-from-home mom. After school has always been my kryptonite. My boys tend to be grumpy and typically want to do different things. One wants to play with friends in the neighborhood, and one wants to veg and be on screens until dinner. We are low key with after school commitments. What are some habits or routines that work for you and your family after school?
Margaret explains how scheduling blocks of time, sometimes different ones for each kid, can help give kids structure after school while also leaving room for downtime in the form of their choice. She also recommends you "feed the beast" right when kids get home and make time for homework before dinner, not after.
If you want to leave us a voicemail with a question, comment, or review, go to whatfreshhellpodcast.com and click on the red tab on the right side of the screen.
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Best Of: Tiffany Jenkins on Mom Anxiety and Keeping It Real
Tiffany Jenkins writes honestly about motherhood, her experience with opioid addiction, recovery, marriage, and life in her blog Juggling the Jenkins. Her memoir High Achiever: The Incredible True Story of One Addict’s Double Life, Jenkins provides an up-close portrait of the mind of an addict and the devastating effects of narcotics. Jenkins uses her platform to help and inspire others who are struggling with motherhood, mental health, addiction, and those who just need a good laugh.
In this "Best of" episode, we talk about whether being “real” always equates to being a hot mess express, Tiffany’s approaches to dealing with anxiety, and how the all-mom audiences Tiffany meets on her “My Name is Not Mom” tour are bringing rock-star levels of enthusiasm.
Find Tiffany Jenkins on Facebook and YouTube
Hear us as guests on Tiffany’s podcast "Take it Or Leave It"
And catch Tiffany on tour: https://mynameisnotmom.com/
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase!
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Indeed is the hiring platform where you can Attract, Interview, and Hire all in one place. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.
KiwiCo projects make back-to-school more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Best Of: What's Your Mom Superpower?
This episode topic was suggested by Pam Marie in our Facebook group:
What's your mom superpower? We often talk about what we get wrong, but what about the things you're really good at? Time to flex, What Fresh Hell community!
Everyone needs an ‘Attaboy!’ every once in a while. And when you’re a mom, you usually have to give it to yourself. In this "Best of" episode, Amy brags about her X-ray recall of exactly where the shirt definitely *is* hanging in her son’s closet. Margaret explains that she’s a “super sniffer,” and you’ll have to listen to know what that’s all about.
We discuss some of our listeners’ powers, as well. Whether you’re Eileen, whose kids have not been late to school once in seven years, or Sue, who has the superhuman ability to resist shouldering her children’s emotional burdens for them, we are truly impressed by all of your superpowers. Attaboy.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
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Ask Amy: What's It Like To Have a Kid Away At College?
If you've got a high schooler who's starting the college process – and the part you're most dreading as a parent is drop-off day – you will probably identify with this "Best Of" Question of the Week:
Hey ladies! A longtime listener here. How about an episode about Amy’s experience with her oldest off at college? I’m a mom who’s sending her first one away to school next year and my heart is already slowly breaking. Help!
Good news: like a milestone birthday, the enormity of a kid leaving for college is way larger on the road ahead of you than it is in your rear-view mirror. It does cause great changes in your relationship with your child when they're not with you at the dinner table every night. The entire system really does transform when one family member is removed. But not all of the changes your family dynamic will undergo are bad. And if your teenager is giving you one-word answers while she's still at home, you may be surprised at how much she has to tell you once she's having these new experiences. In fact, these very show notes were interrupted for a lazy Sunday FaceTime with just such a first-year college student.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Ron Lieber on "The Price You Pay for College"
Sending a kid to college these days can cost well into the six figures, whether you're looking at state universities or small private colleges. There's merit aid to be had, but how does one find it? How much should you be saving if your kid is in kindergarten? And why have the costs of college skyrocketed?
Ron Lieber is the “Your Money” columnist for The New York Times and the author of several books, including The Opposite of Spoiled. His latest bestseller, named one of the "Best Books of 2021" by NPR and just out in paperback, is THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR COLLEGE: An Entirely New Road Map for the Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make– a book about who pays what, and why, and how the whole system got so complicated...
In this episode, Amy and Ron discuss:
- how the financial aid process is designed to confuse
- how early decision has changed the college application process, for better and worse
- how –and when– to talk to your kids honestly about what college will cost and what your family will be able to contribute
- some basic approaches and mindsets that will get you saving the right amounts now
In this episode we also discuss Ron's article for The New York Times: "Early Decision Isn’t Binding. Let Us Explain."
Find THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR COLLEGE in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/books/the-price-you-pay-for-college-an-entirely-new-road-map-for-the-biggest-financial-decision-your-family-will-ever-make/9780062867308
@ronlieber on Twitter and Instagram
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
What Kind of Monster? Family Vacation Edition
Toddler meltdowns, stroller mayhem, ear infections. Doesn't that sound so relaxing? In this listener-sourced episode, moms everywhere unleash frustration over the "monsters" who have made their vacations difficult - nay, impossible.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: How Do I Get My Kids to Help Keep the House Clean?
Each week Margaret or Amy answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers listener Jessica's question:
How do you get your kids to keep their rooms clean? What about a playroom? And is it reasonable to take away ALL the toys if they never stay cleaned up?
As a parent of "three non-cleaners," Margaret shares the rules in her house that help keep it reasonably clean.
Got a question you'd like answered? Email us: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Catherine Pearlman on Kids and Phones
The dreaded question "When should my kid get a phone?" is one we're asked often. These days "whether" is not part of the equation, and the ages at which our kids' peers are getting phones seems younger than ever.
Dr. Catherine Pearlman, author of the new book First Phone: A Child's Guide To Digital Responsibility, Safety, and Etiquette, is the founder of The Family Coach and a licensed clinical social worker who has been working with children and families for more than 25 years. First Phone– a book written not for parents, but for our kids– puts the risks and rewards of a phone in perspective for our children, and helps them consider what parameters they themselves might want to put on their phones and how they can use them wisely.
In this episode, Catherine, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- What we often don't think about when we hand our kids their first phones [12:55]
- When kids should get their own social media accounts [17:55]
- How to teach kids about digital consent [31:00]
Here's where you can find Catherine:
@thefamilycoach on FB/Twitter
@thefamilycoachsays on IG
Find Catherine's book in our bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593538333
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Changing the Stories We Tell Ourselves
We are the protagonist in our own story, but what happens when we become the antagonist in stories we weren't even aware of? Or when we assign antagonist roles to unsuspecting partners or kids? Amy and Margaret discuss why we as humans need to tell ourselves stories, when the stories we tell ourselves might stop serving us, and how we can change the stories we tell ourselves.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- why our brains are willing to ignore what doesn't fit our preconceived narratives [7:00]
- the concept of cognitive mediation, which is how stories are created 20:19]
- "taking things less personally" and the better approach to avoid feeling wounded by others' stories [28:06]
- how to rediscover the agency we have over the stories we tell ourselves [38:15]
Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Nick Wignall on Medium: "6 Reasons Why You Take Things Too Personally"
- "Cognitive Mediational Theory" in Alleydog.com's online glossary
- Esther Perel: How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Can Make or Break Us
- Kyle Benson for The Gottman Institute: There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid
- Carl Alviani for Medium: The Science Behind Storytelling
- Kendall Haven: Your Brain on Story
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: When Do You Start Letting Kids Have Sleepovers?
When do you start letting kids have sleepovers? They're going to start asking long before they're really ready, and the sleep deprivation can ruin everyone's weekends.
Amy talks about her own experience and gives some successful sleepover tips, including daytime sleepovers and phone-free sleepovers.
Got a question you'd like answered? Email us! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
JoAnn Crohn of "No Guilt Mom"
JoAnn Crohn of No Guilt Mom is a parenting educator who helps moms feel confident in everything from raising empowered, self-sufficient kids to dropping the anxiety and guilt out of modern parenthood.
No Guilt Mom offers self-paced digital courses in handling big emotions, getting kids to help out more, creating a morning routine, and conquering the homework drama.
JoAnn is the co-host of the No Guilt Mom podcast, a former board-certified middle-school teacher, and a mom to 2 kids, ages 13 and 8.
In this episode, Amy and JoAnn discuss:
- Why rewards charts taught as classroom strategies can often become counterproductive
- Why kids do well if they can [14:00]
- When rewards charts actually DO work [20:21]
- No Guilt Mom's HAPPY approach to parenting more effectively– while raising happier, more self-sufficient kids at the same time... [26:00]
Here's where you can find JoAnn:
@noguiltmom on FB/IG
Here are the links to the podcast episodes Amy references:
Fresh Take: Stacy Haynes on the Best Method to Help Kids Who Struggle
Amy and Margaret's interview on the No Guilt Mom podcast
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended brand! Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Why *ISN'T* This a Thing?
Following our wildly popular "Why Is This a Thing?" episode, we asked our listeners what ISN'T a thing, but should be. From sunblock sprayer tubes to wider checkout lines to all-in-one laundry machines, the Hellions delivered some million-dollar ideas that Amy and Margaret are very tempted to retire on.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: My Daughter Says She Thinks She Looks Fat
Margaret answers this week's listener question:
"My daughter (5 years old next month) has started saying “I look fat in this sweater”. My daughter is a healthy weight and she is VERY active. I am unsure of how to manage/navigate these comments. I really don’t want her to have body image issues or to be dealing with this at such a young age. I have been very conscious since her birth not to comment on her appearance, and instead to reinforce the things her body does. I rarely say “you look so pretty"; instead I say “that’s a great outfit you picked”. I didn’t think I would have to deal with this so soon. Help!"
Almost all of us have struggled with eating and body issues at some point in our lives, and it is important for us as parents to reframe the way we talk about food and our bodies and to model body acceptance (put on that swimsuit and get in the picture!)
It's also important to honestly answer the questions that are asked. Don't shy away from responding to kids who ask if they look fat. Talk honestly about how bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and why and how our bodies change.
In this episode, Margaret references this article from A Mighty Girl: When Your Daughter Says 'I'm Fat'
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Anya Kamenetz on Covid and What Kids Lost
We've spent a lot of time over the past couple of years reassuring ourselves that our kids would be okay, that we were doing our best, that we'd get them through this, that there could even be silver linings. But it's important to take stock of the costs to our children, as well, because they were considerable.
Today's guest, Anya Kamenetz is the author of several acclaimed books on learning and the future, including The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life, and The Test: Why Our Schools Are Obsessed With Standardized Testing, But You Don’t Have To Be. Her latest book is The Stolen Year: How Covid Changed Children's Lives, and Where We Go Now.
In this episode, Anya, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Why Anya says the United States got pandemic schooling "more wrong" than other wealthy countries
- How "years of neglect and bad faith" in public education contributed to what happened after our abrupt shift to remote schooling
- How we can create something better for the future
Here's where you can find Anya:
Instagram: @anyakamenetz
Twitter: @anya1anya
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Best Of: We Ask Each Other Burning Questions
After several years of doing this podcast, we know a lot about each other. In this "Best Of" episode, we ask the burning questions that remain, like:
- If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- Who is your celebrity crush? (warning: #oldilocksalert)
- What was your worst job ever?
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- What would you grab in a fire?
We also mention a few of our favorite books, all of which are available in our Bookshop store.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating well. Use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box, at GreenChef.com/fresh135.
KiwiCo projects make summer more awesome! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids discover new interests! For a limited time, you’ll save $15 on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code LAUGHING.
Prose is the fully customized healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Get 15% off your first order at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without the sugar of gummies! Get $5 off with the code FRESH at renzosmagic.com.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Do I Get Grandma to Limit Screen Time When She's Babysitting?
This week Amy answers: "How do I get Grandma to stop plopping the kids in front of screens?"
Amy discusses how to give kids limits without seeming like the bad guy, suggests alternative engaging (and contained) activities for kids, and gives tips for discussing discipline tactics with other caregivers in your family.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Ericka Souter on How to Have a Kid and a Life
Ericka Sóuter has over 20 years of journalism experience and is a regular contributor on Good Morning America and other national broadcast outlets. Ericka speaks to parents across the country about the issues, controversies, and trends most affecting families today. She's also the author of How to Have a Kid and Life: a Survival Guide.
In this episode, Ericka and Margaret discuss:
- the greatest predictor of kids' socioemotional wellbeing [10:00]
- the six questions you should ask yourself every year [16:00]
- the "mom gene" [35:30]
Here's where to find Ericka:
@erickasouter on IG
@erickasouter on Twitter
@soundstrue on IG
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Pattern Breaking: When You Want to Do Things Differently Than Your Parents Did
It is often difficult and painful to break parenting patterns that were harmful to us as children. But as Amy and Margaret explain using their own experiences, verified studies, and some slightly cultish Goop material, pattern breaking is entirely possible and may not be as hard as we fear.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Behaviors versus patterns
- Ways to notice and change our own patterns
- What it means to be morally neutral
Links to resources mentioned in the episode:
- Karen Young for Hey Sigmund: Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Parenting – How to Silence Old Toxic Messages for Good
- "This Be The Verse" by Philip Larkin
- Robert Taibbi for Psychology Today: Breaking Old Patterns? Expect Psychological Withdrawal
- Goop Q&A with Liza Ingrasci, CEO of the Hoffman Institute
- Rough Draft by Katie Tur
- Join our Facebook group! (not a cult)
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: How Can I Keep My Kid Safe While He's Gaming?
This week Margaret answers the question:
I know Margaret has talked about giving in to Fortnite at her house. Well, I have too. My question is how do I discuss internet safety with my son (7) who wants to play online with his friends when I have no clue what playing online entails? I have never been a gamer and neither has my husband and I feel like we are flying blind. I don’t want to hold him back from socializing with friends, but I don’t want him to get into a bad situation either. Thank you guys!
In this situation (especially at 7 years old) it's important to dial in and be involved in how your kid is playing. Make sure the gaming setup is in an area you (the parents) frequent. You don't need to know how to game to overhear inappropriate comments and keep an overall eye on how your gamer is behaving. Set strict expectations around your rules for gaming and outline the consequences if they are not followed, and have conversations around violence and language that your gamer may encounter.
If you have questions for Margaret or Amy, send them to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Jill Smokler on Starting Over
Jill Smokler became an authentic voice for millions of imperfect moms through her website Scary Mommy, which Jill launched in 2008. It began as a chronicle of Jill’s stay-at-home days with her children and transformed into a vibrant community of women brought together by a common theme — parenting doesn’t have to be perfect.
Now Jill is back with a new chapter and a new podcast - She's Got Issues. Jill, Amy and Margaret talk about what it means for life to have different chapters and how we navigate those chapters (and changes) especially when they take us to unexpected places.
Where to find Jill:
IG: @shesgotissuesmedia
Sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Would You Rather...? (Mom Edition)
In this crowd-sourced episode, the listeners in our Facebook group came up with some excruciating would-you-rathers for Amy and Margaret to answer. (Not surprisingly, Amy analyzes all the options while Margaret goes with her gut.)
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- What their kids' names REALLY are
- Rat backpacks
- The horror of perma-noisemakers
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Metabolic Reds are a delicious superfood blend. Go to getreds.com/fresh and receive a FREE bottle of Metabolic Greens with your order.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: Should Grade Schoolers Be Allowed to Date?
What happens when our grade schooler comes home with an invitation to go on a date? Amy talks about her own experience with her middle schooler dating, how to address the situation without overreacting, and how to contextualize young love in the grander scheme of things.
If you have a question for Amy or Margaret ask away in our Facebook group! facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Kate Mangino on Increasing Gender Equality at Home
Kate Mangino, PhD, is a gender expert and professional facilitator who has been working internationally for nearly 20 years. She is the author of the new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equity at Home, an informed guide about how readers can rewrite harmful gender norms and create greater household equity.
Find out more about Kate at her website: https://www.katemangino.com
Find Kate on Twitter: @ManginoKate
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
When Your Kid Is Rejected
Every kid will experience some kind of rejection, and some will have an easier time of it than others. How do we validate our kids' feelings while giving them the tools to move through the pain of rejection?
Links:
Fresh Take with Lisa Heffernan
How to Identify and Help a Socially Rejected Child
What Should I Do When My Child Doesn't Make the Team?
Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be by Frank Bruni
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: How Can I Get My Kid to Be Interested in More Activities?
This week, Margaret advises a listener who is worried that her 9-year-old does not seem to have a wide enough range of interests. Is there anything she can do to help him expand his interests beyond screens, half-hearted participation in Scouts, and basically chilling out most of the day?
Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Gloria Riviera on the Childcare Crisis
Gloria Riviera is the host of the podcast "No One is Coming to Save Us" from Lemonada Media, which covers America’s childcare crisis and the people of all ages who are crushed by it. Gloria spent over twenty years as an ABC News producer and correspondent covering breaking, investigative and feature stories around the world for shows including Good Morning America, World News Tonight, and Nightline. She shares with us why and how the childcare system in America is broken and what exactly we can do about it, both as individuals and on a larger scale.
In this episode, Gloria, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- how sexism and racism fuel the childcare crisis
- how the recent baby formula shortage fits into the picture
- what lasting childcare reform looks like
Follow Gloria on Twitter: @griviera
and find "No One is Coming to Save Us" in your podcast app!
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
BetterHelp makes it easy, convenient, and affordable to talk to a certified therapist online. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Ladder Life knows there's no time like the present to cross something as important as life insurance off your list. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save fifteen dollars on your child’s first class when you go to outschool.com/laughing and use code laughing.
Pinhook bourbons and ryes are released in vintages, just like wines, and each year’s vintage is a little different. Visit pinhookbourbon.com/laughing to learn more or text laughing to 859-800-7848.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Grow your business with Shopify today. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Best Of: The Small Things That Drive Moms Insane
We asked the listeners to tell us their extremely minor annoyances of motherhood-- the smaller and more seemingly inconsequential, the better, because it turns out those are things that really make us loco.
From soggy bath toys, to pushing swings, to the toddler who spins around and offers the wrong arm to be put into the held-up coat sleeve, here are many of the teeny-tiny things that drive moms insane.
Join the fun on our Facebook page!
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: Tips for Flying with Little Ones
Flying with little ones this summer? It's always a little extra complicated. Listener Diane asked:
"My husband and I are flying from Philadelphia to Texas. My kids have never flown before. Any advice for air travel with little kids?"
Amy says the two keys to successful flights with little ones are preparation and options, and in this episode she explains:
- how to know for sure what your kid will watch before you get on the plane
- why you might actually want to be the LAST ones on the plane (not the first)
- and why you can never have too many Ziploc bags.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
From Common Sense Media: "Best Kids' Apps to Download Before a Flight"
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Kate Casey on Big Families and "Reality Life"
Kate Casey is the host of Reality Life with Kate Casey, one of the highest-rated podcasts devoted to unscripted television. Three times a week she interviews talent, directors, producers, and hosts of television’s most popular reality shows, docuseries, and documentaries.
Kate talks with Margaret about raising five kids, her favorite reality shows, and why true crime is the thing that makes us tick.
Here's where you can find Kate:
Facebook group: Reality Life with Kate Casey
IG: @katecaseyc
Tik Tok: Itskatecasey
Twitter: @katecasey
Patreon: Patreon.com/katecasey
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
BetterHelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
Green Chef is the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well. Go to greenchef.com/fresh135 and use code fresh135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
Make summer more awesome with KiwiCo! Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook vintages are a little different and feature an up-and-coming thoroughbred on each label. Text “laughing” to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dropping the Rope
When you're locked in a battle of tug-o-war it can be extremely exhausting to keep up the fight. But there is a solution: dropping the rope. It may seem counterintuitive, but when you're in the middle of a conflict you've had many times before– when you're fighting for something that seems very important, or at least obvious– and then suddenly drop the rope, you're allowing the space for something different to occur.
Here are the links to the resources we mentioned in the episode:
Jen Lumanlan for Your Parenting Mojo: "Want to stop playing Tug of War with your child?"
Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on How to Manage Our Anxiety
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Can I Stop the Flow of Cheap Plastic Toys Into My Home?
Our listener Jenny says: "My husband and I love your podcast, and I listen to every episode while I make dinner. He hates clutter and especially the annoying plastic toys that family always seems to be giving our 15-month-old. How do we get family members to stop giving us cheap plastic annoying toys every time they see our kid? We'd love to instill a present policy that involves them putting the money they would have spent into a savings fund for him... but just aren't sure how to stop the random, every-time-we-see-them gifts."
While the idea of letting more plastic into your home may seem like a nightmare, it's not necessarily a good idea to insert your values into other people's gift giving philosophies, as Margaret explains. It's certainly within your right to express a preference for your child. Here's how to do it nicely.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Amber Briggle on Supporting Trans Kids
Amber Briggle and her family live in Texas. Amber is the mom of two kids, Max and Lulu, and on her website "Love To The Max," Amber shares the family's real stories and experiences as a trans-inclusive family.
Amber describes herself as "just a mom," but the events of the last few years have made her a powerful advocate for the rights of kids and families like her own. She was a founding member (and former national co-chair) of the “Parents for Transgender Equality Council”, part of the Human Rights Campaign. Amber currently serves as the “Equal Opportunity Issue” Chair for the League of Women Voters of Texas.
In this moving and illuminating episode, Amber talks about her experience parenting her transgender son and the breadth of emotions and experiences that come with it.
In this episode, Amber, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- Amber's son Max's transition journey
- The best ways to support trans kids
- The anti-trans legislation currently in effect and under consideration in the U.S.
NOTE: Since we recorded this episode, a lawyer for the state of Texas has confirmed that the child abuse investigation into the Briggle family has been lifted. A Texas judge has temporarily blocked the child abuse investigations of other parents of trans youth in the state, but those investigations remain in effect.
Here's where you can find Amber:
Her website: https://lovetothemax.net/
Facebook: /amberbriggle
Twitter: @mrsbriggle
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
We Caught Our Spouses Being Awesome
We asked the moms in our Facebook group about times they caught their spouses being awesome. Maybe it's supporting us in our difficult career choices. Maybe it's reading books on certain issues to do with our kids. Maybe it's brushing hair. (But don't get Amy started on that last one!)
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Being good vs. being awesome
- Subverting gender roles in the home
- Qualities you wish for in a boyfriend vs. in a husband
Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode:
"Flying the Coop" episode from Reply All podcast (Margaret's rec)
Our Fresh Take episode with Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships
The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, by Ross Greene
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook Kentucky bourbon is the perfect gift for the guy who has everything! Each year's vintage is a little different and features an up-and-coming thoroughbred on its label. Text "laughing" to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper- or visit pinhookbourbon.com/laughing to chat with a one right on their website!
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: The Top Tip for Yelling Less
Do you need a reset around the yelling in your house– namely, your own? Are certain times (bathtime, homework time, putting screens away time) a consistent battle? Amy's best tip to tame the yelling comes from something she heard from a dog trainer!
"Never repeat a cue twice" is one of the basic tenets of dog training. If you tell a dog to "sit" but eventually that becomes "Sit. Sit.... Sit!... SIT!!" your dog will eventually sit, once you seem upset enough, but what you will be inadvertently training your dog to do is to wait for the fourth time that command is repeated before complying.
In this "Ask Amy," Amy explains how performing a reset using this tenet– stop repeating what you're asking more than once, i.e. until you yell– can yield surprising results, and reads a listener email from a mom of a rambunctious 2-year-old who is "in shock" at how well this has worked in her house!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Ibram X. Kendi on Raising Antiracists
This week's guest, Dr. Ibram X. Kendi, is the author of many highly acclaimed books including Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, which won the National Book Award for Nonfiction. In 2020, Time magazine named Dr. Kendi one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Dr. Kendi was awarded a 2021 MacArthur Fellowship, popularly known as the Genius Grant. His new book, released just this week, is How To Raise An Antiracist.
In this interview, Dr. Kendi explains:
- why caregivers cannot protect young people from racism by ignoring what’s happening to our children
- why teaching antiracism is the best way to protect our children from racism's harms
- why children have an easier time understanding these ideas than we might think
- how putting off conversations about race, or giving kids the message that racism is unmentionable, can make our children prey to more sinister messaging
It is never too early, or too late, to start raising our kids to be antiracist.
Get How To Raise An Antiracist in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593242537
and find out more on Dr. Kendi's website: https://ibramxkendi.com
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
The Smallest Hills We'd Die On
From how to eat a Reese's peanut butter cup, to *not* saving the pandas, to the forever-ban of helium balloons, our listeners are willing to die on some pretty tiny hills. Here's what mountains you all are making out of mole hills– plus a few of our own tiny battles.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Picky Eater Update!
We've talked a lot about picky eating on the podcast but if you're looking less for advice and more for 'how does it all turn out?' then this is the episode for you!
This week Kristina asks,
"I was listening to an episode where Margaret described her extremly picky son and the anxiety she felt. She was basically describing my daughter. That episode is from 2016 so I'm curious does anyone know if he's expanded his diet or does anyone have any uplifting stories about extremely picky kids who improve over time? Honestly I'd be happy if she's just having less anxiety at the table - not looking for advice because I've read everything!"
This week Margaret offers an update on how her picky son is eating 5 years later - and the answers may surprise you!
Check out other WFH episodes on picky eating here:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/your-picky-eater/
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/ask-amy-my-kid-gags-at-foods-he-used-to-like/
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/is-this-battle-worth-fighting/
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/highly-sensitive-and-under-sensitive-kids/
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Fresh Take: Kate Swenson of "Finding Cooper's Voice" on Parenting Autism
Kate Swenson is a mom to four kids, a wife, and a proud Minnesotan. She regularly writes and creates videos about her life as a mother and an autism advocate for her website "Finding Cooper's Voice," a living, thriving community of people who not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families.
Kate's book Forever Boy: A Mother's Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy is out now.
Kate is also the founder of the nonprofit The More Than Project, which supports the needs of special needs families that go beyond the needs of their special needs child.
In this episode we discuss
- Kate's journey to finding the correct diagnosis for her child
- what led her to put her story out into the world
- the sometimes-loneliness of special needs parenting, and how the Finding Cooper's Voice community offers insight, support, and fellowship
Get FOREVER BOY in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780778311997
and follow @findingcoopersvoice on Facebook and Instagram.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook Kentucky bourbon is the perfect gift for the guy who has everything! Each year's vintage is a little different and features an up-and-coming thoroughbred on its label. Text "laughing" to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper- or visit pinhookbourbon.com/laughing to chat with a one right on their website!
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Brave Parenting in a Scary World
Gloria DeGaetano, parenting expert and founder of the Parent Coaching Institute, recently wrote: "There's almost not a word to express the stress parents are under right now. 'Overwhelmed' doesn't cut it. It's beyond anything we've ever experienced."
War in Ukraine. Shootings in grade schools. Inflation rates way up. Covid rates way up. This really is a strange and scary moment for all of us, and parenting through our own anxiety is proving a special challenge.
In this episode we discuss how to parent bravely– which doesn't mean parenting in denial, but does mean creating emotional safety for our families even when we don't have all the answers.
If you found this episode helpful, check out these past episodes as well:
Fresh Take: Christina Hillsberg on How Being a Spy Prepared Her For Parenting
Helping Kids Feel Secure In a Scary World (With Guest Dr. Abigail Gewirtz)
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
The Daily: Another Elementary School Massacre
Dan Sinker for Esquire: Parenting in the Time of School Shootings
Crystal Woodman Miller: A Kids' Book About School Shootings
Kidpower.org: How To Choose Safety in Scary Times
Ariana Eunjung Cha for Washington Post: ‘It’s like a fire alarm every day’
Alison Snyder et al for Axios: Parents Aren't All Right
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook Kentucky bourbon is the perfect gift for the guy who has everything! Each year's vintage is a little different and features an up-and-coming thoroughbred on its label. Text "laughing" to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper- or visit pinhookbourbon.com/laughing to chat with a one right on their website!
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Can I Get Out of My Mom Funk?
A listener wrote:
I am in a mom funk. I always wanted to be a mom, but I underestimated the amount of work and sacrifice it takes to be a mom. I’m exhausted. I feel like I never get a chance to catch my breath and be ready to be a mom the next morning when my kids wake up, and I spend most of the day with my kids just trying to make it to bedtime.
My kids are seven and four, and I really thought that parenting would have gotten easier by now... but I feel just as burned out and depleted as when they were toddlers, perhaps even more now that they both talk (non-stop) and have so many opinions about everything. Not to mention the endless tantrums and meltdowns which I thought would have ended at least two years ago.
My husband works long hours and I’m solo-parenting 90% of the time. When my husband is home he needs to sleep and wants to relax and has so little time to be with the kids, let alone actually help with any house work.
How do I get through this and still be a good mom at the same time? Being a parent right now feels hopeless and endless and relentless and I’m stuck. Sometimes I find myself wondering why I had kids at all when I feel this depleted.
Amy explains that this "mom funk" has another name: burnout. And it's not that we need to adjust our mindset and just push through it--it's that our practical circumstances need to change.
Here are links to some of the resources Amy mentions in the episode:
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Amelia and Emily Nagoski
The WHO's updated definition of burnout
Special thanks to our sponsor:
Pinhook Kentucky bourbon is the perfect gift for the guy who has everything! Each year's vintage is a little different and features an up-and-coming thoroughbred on its label. Text "laughing" to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper- or visit pinhookbourbon.com/laughing to chat with a one right on their website!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Best Of: Dr. Lynyetta Willis on Breaking Out of "Stable Misery"
Dr. Lynyetta Willis is a psychologist and family empowerment coach who helps smart, successful women (and their families) stop the unhelpful patterns that keep them stuck, so they can create more joy in their parenting or partnerships.
In this "Best Of" re-release, Dr. Willis tells us what it means to live in "stable misery." We discuss her framework for changing those patterns and finding more joy and harmony in our lives as partners and as parents.
You will love this joyful, insightful interview!
Here are links to some of Dr. Willis's programs that we discuss in this episode.
Find out more at drlwillis.com
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Pinhook Kentucky bourbon is the perfect gift for the guy who has everything! Each year's vintage is a little different and features an up-and-coming thoroughbred on its label. Text "laughing" to (859) 800-7848 to get connected with a personal shopper- or visit pinhookbourbon.com/laughing to chat with a one right on their website!
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mom Rage
"Mom rage" is a thing, and it feels shameful because it feels so far from where we are supposed to be as mothers and as women. Writer Anne Lamott called it "a closely guarded secret, as if the myth of maternal bliss is so sacrosanct that we can't even admit these feelings to ourselves." But it's more universal than we admit, and its triggers more predictable. There are also practical ways we can all recognize it sooner when it might be building within ourselves.
In this episode, we discuss:
- how a "sequence of provocations" can dramatically increase anger
- why lack of sleep is a major cause of mom rage
- things that work to lengthen our fuses
If you found this episode useful, here are some other episodes of ours you might listen to next:
Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg Tells Us How To Stop Losing It With Our Kids (May 2021)
Sometimes We Lose It (Dec 2018)
Here are links to some of the resources we mentioned in the episode:
@momuninterrupted on Instagram: "Nighttime Parenting"
Anne Lamott for Salon: "Mother Rage: Theory and Practice"
Pallavi Pundir for Vice: ‘It’s Like I Was Possessed’: Women Reveal the Deepest, Darkest Moments of Their ‘Mom Rage’
Minna Dubin for The New York Times: "The Rage Mothers Don’t Talk About"
Minna Dubin for The New York Times: ‘I Am Going to Physically Explode’: Mom Rage in a Pandemic
NBC Boston: What Is Mom Rage? Why Are So Many Women Feeling It?
Mairead Heffron for Image: The secret rage of motherhood: ‘I never imagined that my child could be both the trigger and target of my anger’
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off.
Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shipping! Just go to tryfirstleaf.com/LAUGHING.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved for up to $3 million in term life insurance.
Outschool helps kids explore their interests and discover new ones! Save $15 on your child’s first class at outschool.com/laughing with the code LAUGHING.
Peloton has workouts or everyone. And the Peloton Bike+ is now $500 less, its best price yet, including FREE delivery and setup! Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Shopify powers millions of businesses, from first sale to full-scale. Go to shopify.com/fresh for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BEST OF: Handling the News With Our Kids
This episode was first recorded in July 2021, before the recent mass shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde, not to mention the ongoing horrors of war in Ukraine. We hope it might be useful for a relisten right now, as many of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. If we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information.
We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids.
GoFundMe has established an online hub of verified fundraisers supporting victims and loved ones affected by the shooting in Uvalde, Texas, which you can find here.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids?
NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary
Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know. Please Don't Tell Me
Common Sense Media: Best News Sources for Kids
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Introverts vs. Extroverts (and Making Room for Both in Your Family)
What makes us introverts or extroverts– and why do so many of us choose our total opposites for our parenting partners? In this episode we talk about the myths of introverts and extroverts, why opposites attract, and how to parent kids who are also your total opposites.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The ways that introverts and extroverts solve problems
- How they navigate being the opposite of their partners
- How to advocate for your kids depending on their social orientation
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Natalie Arroyo Camacho for Well & Good: "3 Obstacles To Expect From an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship—Plus Whether It Can Work at All"
- Rodney B. Lawn et al: "Quiet Flourishing: The Authenticity and Well-Being of Trait Introverts Living in the West Depends on Extraversion-Deficit Beliefs"
- Healthline: "Are You an Extrovert? Here’s How to Tell"
- R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids
- R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Are You Raising An Introvert?
- Are You an Introvert? Take this assessment
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Kid Is Screaming Like a Banshee All of a Sudden
A listener posted this on our Facebook page:
What is up with my 5-year-old? All of a sudden she is talking back, yelling at the top of her lungs, not listening, kicking and screaming, throwing tantrums, throwing things at me, and giving me teenager vibes. (I do not allow any of this behavior in my house.)
I’m at a loss for what to do. Is this boundary-seeking behavior? Is something happening at school? Is it because I’m working more? Is it a phase?
We’ve been sending her to her room to chill out because no one wants to hang with a banshee, but she screams and screams while throwing her stuff everywhere and kicking the walls. She goes immediately into red brain and it’s a 30 minute process for her to calm down and talk to me. Really excited to spend summer break with an insane asylum escapee. It’s starting to rub off on the 2 year old.
If you find yourself saying "What is wrong with this kid?" it's always good to pause and ask if there is actually something wrong. Kids who are having headaches or stomachaches can express that distress in the most baffling of ways.
But as children grow, they alternate between stages of equilibrium and disequilibrium, so it's also possible that your suddenly-banshee child is entering a developmentally appropriate phase. Even if it's driving you batty.
Figuring out what works to address it– at your child's actual level of maturity– is key. Amy gives advice towards how to assess the situation.
Here's the link to the book Amy mentions:
Your Six-Year-Old: Defiant But Loving, by Louise Bates Ames
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Fresh Take: Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships
Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it.
In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss:
- Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust
- Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships
- Why couples always have the same fight
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
Matthew's recent article in The Atlantic
Our episode with Eve Rodsky on changing the invisible workload
Here's where you can find Matthew:
FB: @matthewfrayMBTTTR
IG: @frayrelationships
Twitter: @MBTTTR
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Unwelcome Surprises
We asked you, our listeners, what unwelcome surprises you've experienced in your parenting journey, and boy, did you deliver! From bodily functions to keeping kids' clothes on to teaching them how to sit in a chair for the hundredth time, we collectively wonder how the human race has survived so long--and whether or not ants have lungs.
Here are links to the WFH episodes we mentioned:
Why Are Our Kids Such Total Opposites?
Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown
Here's the link to the original FB thread for this episode
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: Should I Force My Kids to Give Hugs?
One of our listeners asked:
How do you navigate responding to family members who demand hugs and kisses from kids? My husband’s family is full of huggy-kissy people. When leaving after a visit, my in-laws lay it on hard with their requests (which feel more like demands) for my 3-year-old to give them a goodbye hug and kiss. Sometimes she doesn't want to, and if she doesn't want to, I don’t force her. But she gets a lot of pressure from the grandparents expecting the physical affection. I want my children to feel comfortable but don’t know how to get all family members on board without hurt feelings.
Margaret discusses how to make a plan for saying goodbye to friends and family that works for your child and doesn't invoke too much objection or conflict from the other party.
Here are the links to the resources Margaret mentions in the episode:
Meghan Holohan for Today: "Why experts say you shouldn't make your kids kiss relatives at Thanksgiving"
Don't Hug Doug by Carrie Finison
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Lynn Lyons and Robin Hutson of "Flusterclux"
Anxiety expert Lynn Lyons and co-host Robin Hutson created the podcast FLUSTERCLUX to help anxious kids and anxious families, which are usually one and the same. Lynn Lyons has trained hundreds of teachers, school nurses, counselors and parents about managing anxiety.
In this episode, Lynn, Robin, and Amy discuss:
- Why reassurance doesn't always placate kids' anxieties
- Why anxiety craves certainty– and how we can unwittingly "do the disorder" in trying to reassure anxious kids
- How to model moving through uncertainty for our kids
- How perfectionism feeds anxiety in kids
Here's where you can find Robin and Lynn:
@flusterclux on FB and Instagram
Lynn Lyons' book The Anxiety Audit is available for preorder now
Finding Joy Inside and Out Family Retreat
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.
Beam’s DreamPowder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeedis the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Will We Ever Get Back to Normal?
As Margaret and Amy both deal with Covid in their households, they wonder how they ever thought it was over and when the "new normal" will feel truly normal, if ever. They give both optimistic and realistic assessments of the future as they try to imagine one that's forever changed, but also better than before.
And they both agree that you should cheer on everyone who is running the New York City Marathon, whether they're your sister, a cop, or a ballerina.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Moments they each thought "Covid was ovah"
- The third quarter phenomenon
- Mourning things they've missed due to Covid
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
Brandon Ambrosino for BBC: "Why it will be so hard to return to ‘normal’"
Dan Sinker for Esquire: "If We're Back to 'Normal,' Why Am I Still So Exhausted All the Time?"
Debra Caplan's thread on Twitter
Kate Bowler's book No Cure for Being Human, Margaret's rec
Nathan Smith and Gro Mjeldheim Sandal: "The third-quarter phenomenon: the psychology of time in space"
"When Can We Start Saying Yes?" WFH episode where we talk about said phenomenon
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.
Beam’s DreamPowder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeedis the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: Am I a Terrible Person for Being Jealous of My Mom Friends?
A listener asks:
I had my first child (and only child, so far) 18 months ago. It was a really rough experience for me and my husband: traumatic birth, intense breastfeeding struggles, very colicky baby that really did not sleep much, no support due to COVID, and I had PPD. My husband and I are really only just starting to feel sort of okay again in the last few months.
Here's my issue. Within the last six months several of my friends have had their first babies. None of them are having even close to the intense/terrible experience that my husband and I did. Intellectually, I am happy about this because I love my friends, and I don't wish bad things on them!
However, emotionally I seem to be struggling with watching all of them sail through (relatively speaking) something that was 100% the hardest, darkest time of my life. When I hear/see them having such an easy time I sometimes feel angry, or even like I want to cry.
I hate feeling this way, and it makes me feel like a bad person/terrible friend. Has anyone else had a really rough birth/newborn experience, and then struggled when seeing other people have better experiences? Am I a terrible person for not being able to be fully happy for my friends who are having such an easier time?
It's important to give yourself time and space to heal when you've suffered trauma of any kind. Amy kindly helps our listener understand that her feelings are completely justified, she is allowed to give herself a break, and that no, she's not the only one who has ever felt this way.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: KC Davis and the Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing
KC Davis is the creator of the mental health platform Struggle Care, where she shares a revolutionary approach to self and home care for those dealing with mental health, physical illness, and hard seasons of life. She is a licensed professional therapist, author, speaker, and advocate for mental health and recovery. Her new book is How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing.
Does just glancing in your messy playroom make you want to lie down and nap? We all get overwhelmed when we see our chaotic houses as endless "to-clean" lists that we never complete. KC Davis has simple and easy-to-implement strategies for making cleaning up functional--and giving you small wins along the way that really count.
In this episode, KC, Amy, and Margaret discuss:
- How to take a new perspective on cleaning
- The five different categories of things in any given mess
- How to involve kids in cleaning house without tears (theirs OR yours)
Here's where you can find KC:
https://www.strugglecare.com/about
Instagram/Facebook: @strugglecare
Twitter: @KCDavisSays
You can purchase KC's book, How to Keep House While Drowning, here.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.
Beam’s DreamPowder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeedis the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BEST OF: Let It Go? Or No?
This week we're revisiting one of our all-time favorite episodes, in which we review listener grudges, large and small, and deciding once and for all if those listeners should let it go, or no.
Letting it go doesn't mean you're wrong to be annoyed. Sometimes you are totally right and you STILL have to let it go.
And sometimes nursing a tiny bonsai grievance for a decade is sort of fun... but that works better when you aren't related to that person.
Sometimes shifting our perspective is the best choice we have.
As Margaret's Aunt Terry likes to say: you can't get pizza from a Chinese restaurant.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Iris Chen on "Untigering"
Iris Chen was raised in the "tiger parenting" model, and began her parenting journey using similarly authoritarian and strict tactics– until she considered whether there might be another path, an approach to parenting that was rooted in partnership rather than in power. So Iris founded the "Untigering" movement, exploring a more peaceful parenting approach, and wrote the book "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent."
In this episode, Margaret, Amy, and Iris discuss:
- Navigating parenting at the intersection of American and Chinese identities
- The turning point for Iris when she decided to "untiger"
- How we all can practice peaceful parenting in our daily lives
Find Iris on social media @untigering and at https://untigering.com/.
Buy her UNTIGERING book here!
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BONUS: What We're Watching, Reading, and Listening To
In this bonus episode, Amy and Margaret discuss what they read, watch, and listen to between recording episodes of "What Fresh Hell." It involves stuffy upper class drawing rooms, brushes with death, and being "22."
What We're Watching
- "The Thing About Pam" on Peacock
- Michael Clayton
- "Bridgerton" on Netflix
- "Dopesick" on Hulu
- "Sanditon" on PBS Masterpiece (Erica's pick!)
- "Gilded Age" on HBO (Sarah's pick!)
- Les Miserables (2012)
- "Station 11" on HBO
- Engaged to a Psycho (2020) on Lifetime
What We're Reading:
View Amy's reading list here.
View Margaret's reading list here.
- I am I am I am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O'Farrell
- The Deep Places: A Memoir of Illness and Discovery by Ross Douthat
- Colleen Hoover's books
- In Her Boots by KJ Dell'Antonia
- The Chicken Sisters by KJ Dell'Antonia
- Blueprint for a Book by Jennie Nash
- The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness by Meghan O'Rourke
- "The Stolen Kids of Sara Lawrence" by Ezra Marcus and James D. Walsh
- The complete works of J.D. Salinger (Aren't they great???)
What We're Listening To:
Here's our Spotify playlist of our "currently listening" podcasts
"Folklore" and "Evermore" by Taylor Swift
Check out the Audm app for longform journalism in audio format (Margaret's rec)
Check out the Pocket app for saving reading material for later (Amy's rec)
We love our sponsors!
Check out the promo codes available through this month's sponsors here.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Which Parenting Rules Can We Break?
Who makes the parenting rules? And how bendable are they? From picky eaters to sleep routines to playing outside, we all have to navigate the line between what we supposedly should and shouldn't allow as parents. But sometimes it's okay to break the rules if it works for you and your family. Amy and Margaret dive into the details in this listener-driven episode.
In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss:
- the different types of parenting rules
- which parenting rules they have broken
- "YOYO" dinners
Other episodes we mention:
Amee Severson on Intuitive Eating
Ask Amy: Helping Kids Deal with Comparison and Envy
Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through Play
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Kid Has Serious Separation Anxiety
The discomfort and distress of a child experiencing separation anxiety can be hard to hear. The best responses are consistency and a heavy dose of reassurance.
A listener recently posted in our Facebook group:
My just-turned-4 year old has started experiencing separation anxiety both when going to preschool and when staying home with our regular babysitter . (My husband and I both work from home and I don’t know if it’s worse for her to know we are there.) On school days she says she feels like she’s going to throw up, then they call us to come get her. On days we are working from home, we end up having the sitter leave because she is sobbing uncontrollably.
Another factor: she has two older siblings. When they are also home, she is not anxious about their all being left with a sitter. I did not experience separation anxiety with my older two kids at this age. We are trying to be compassionate and reassuring but we also need to work during the times she is in care, so we need to fix this soon. I need your ideas and strategies!
Separation anxiety is a phase that many kids go through when they start spending more time away from their parents at school or daycare. Amy has some strategies for helping your little one understand that no, crying and screaming will not make you magically appear to pick them up, but yes, you will indeed come back for them at the end of the day.
Amy references this book in this episode: The Kissing Hand
and this song: "Grownups Come Back"
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Mary Laura Philpott on "Bomb Shelter"
Mary Laura Philpott is the author of the national bestseller I MISS YOU WHEN I BLINK, and the brand-new memoir BOMB SHELTER: LOVE, TIME, AND OTHER EXPLOSIVES, which is out now. You can also find her writing in publications including the Atlantic, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and Real Simple. Mary Laura's moving memoir touches on why parenting is a paradox, her own experiences as a parent navigating the unknown, and what it means to be an "anxious optimist."
In this episode, Amy, Margaret, and Mary discuss:
- Just who the turtle on the cover of Mary's book is
- Where the title "Bomb Shelter" originated from
- Why we feel the need to "follow the rules" of the universe in exchange for leniency
Here's where you can find Mary on the web:
Instagram: @marylauraphilpott
Twitter: @MaryLauraPh
Order Mary's new book Bomb Shelter here
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
When Our Partners Just Don't Get it
Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK??
There is evidence (statistical evidence, not just tears and bloodshed evidence) that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we communicate with our partners to find labor divisions that work for everyone?
In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss:
- What the science says about relationships post-children
- Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably
- Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities
Episodes we mentioned:
Making It Work for the Long Haul (with Belinda Luscombe) episode
Parenting as a Team episode
The Infamous "Husband Crimes" episode
Resources mentioned in the episode:
What Happens to a Marriage After Having Children?
Fighting Constantly After Baby? Read This.
9 Signs That a Relationship Just Can't Be Saved
And a bonus from the Husband Crimes archives: Kurt Vonnegut's attempt at gender equity.
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret: How Do I Talk To My Kids About My Cancer Diagnosis?
A listener posted on our Facebook page: "I’m wondering if any other moms on here have been diagnosed with breast cancer? I was just diagnosed and am terrified. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday to get more information, but I am just looking for advice from someone who has been there on how to discuss this with my kids."
Margaret talks about her own experience with her mother's breast cancer diagnosis when she was young and offers some helpful research on this difficult topic.
Here are the links to the resources mentioned in the episode.
Some suggested children's books about understanding cancer
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Best Of: Dr. Lisa Damour on Helping Kids Manage Anxiety
Anxiety is a natural response to stress. Sometimes it’s even useful, like when it alerts us to danger. But when anxiety grips our children, they often don’t (can’t) explain how they’re feeling, and their inner turmoil can take over.
In this episode we discuss:
- coping strategies for all ages and stages
- how anxiety in children can be easy to miss
- the negative behaviors anxious kids might exhibit
- why letting our kids avoid anxiety-causing situations is counterproductive
- how anxiety "lives in the future”
We also interview Dr. Lisa Damour about her book Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. Dr. Damour’s book is full of empathetic insight and useful takeaways for helping our anxious daughters (and sons).
Here’s links to other research and writing discussed in this episode:
Lindsay Holmes for Huffington Post Life: 10 Things People Get Wrong About Anxiety
Liz Matheis for anxiety.org: Identifying Signs of Anxiety in Children
CDC: Data and Statistics on Children's Mental Health
Metropolitan CBT: About Anxiety
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Peer Pressure
When we imagine peer pressure, we imagine coming to the rescue by slapping drugs and alcohol out of our kids' hands after their friends undoubtedly tell them they should definitely try some. But peer pressure--who feels it, why, and exactly WHAT kids are being pressured to do--is a complex issue.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:
- The biological imperative adolescents have to take risks in front of their peers
- What kids report actually feeling peer pressured to do- the answers aren't what expected
- How to actually prepare our kids to counter the peer pressure they face
Here are links to past episodes with similar topics:
"When Other Kids Are Bad Influences"
Here are links to resources mentioned in this episode:
Juliana Menasce Horowitz and Nikki Graf for the Pew Research Center: "Most U.S. Teens See Anxiety and Depression as a Major Problem Among Their Peers"
Centerstone.org: "What is Peer Pressure and Who is at Risk?"
Science Daily: "Peer pressure? It's hardwired into our brains, study finds"
Laurence Steinberg and Kathryn C. Monahan: Age Differences in Resistance to Peer Influence
Jess Shatkin, Born to Be Wild: Why Teens Take Risks, and How We Can Help Keep Them Safe
Jessica Lahey, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: Helping Kids Deal With Comparison and Envy
Ever have a kid with a long face in the back seat at school pickup because they were NOT chosen as "Student of the Week"? A listener emailed us to ask:
How do you help your kid work through comparison and envy? My child is in 3rd grade and experiencing many emotions around "unfairness" and jealousy. Not so much about material things, like "this kid has X and I don't." More like "this kid is the teacher's pet and gets (or appears to get) special privileges that I don't."
No surprise, my child is an aspiring teacher's pet, but doesn't perceive that they're getting the same attention and/or opportunities.
I don't think it's something I should address at school. It's not that anyone is doing something wrong. More of a "life isn't always fair" lesson that's creating big 3rd-grade emotions.
We can't smooth every negative emotion from our children's experiences, and we shouldn't even try. If our kids have to move through the very human emotions of jealousy and frustration, they'll develop the resilience that we want them to possess as they grow towards independence.
In this episode Amy discusses some strategies for helping kids deal with comparison and envy. When we teach them to self-compare, applaud their personal progress, and highlight their own pride in their achievements (rather than our own), we teach them that satisfaction can come less from being *the* best than by being our own best.
In this episode, Amy refers to this resource from Big Life Journal: How to Help Children Stop Comparing Themselves to Others
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Britt Hawthorne on Antiracist Parenting
Britt Hawthorne is a mother, teacher, author, and anti-bias/antiracist facilitator. She partners with caregivers, educators, and families to raise the next generation of antiracist children. Her forthcoming book, Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide, is for families ready to take action that'll bring change at home.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What becoming 'antiracist' really means
- Honoring your own entry point into antiracist work
- How to frame antiracist work as a journey of curiosity and engagement
Here's where you can find Britt:
@britthawthorne on IG
@britthawthorne_ on Twitter
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Why Is This a Thing?
In this listener-driven episode, we release a collective primal mom scream--from prairie dresses (no one looks good in them!) to thank you cards (I'm going to immediately throw it away) to school theme days (dress like your favorite endangered species???), there are plenty of things moms feel should be done away with for good. This week, you'll find you're not alone in your desire to get rid of the things that just should NOT be things.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret hear from listeners who are fed up with:
- Crop tops for children
- Summer camp signups
- Dinosaurs
...and so many more!
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - How Should I Enforce Bedtime?
Bedtime can be smooth sailing or a waking nightmare, depending on the day. If you've ever experienced "bedtime creep" you will identify with this question for our Facebook group:
How do you enforce bedtime? We have unwittingly slipped from 8pm to 9, 9:25 even, 9:45 pm. My 4-year-old often sees 10 pm! My 2-year-old had such an easy 8 pm bedtime until a few months ago. Now there are two tiny tots running my kitchen til well after when I want to be asleep myself (did I mention I am six months pregnant with number three?). Most nights I give up and leave my husband to fend for himself. Even so, when he gives up on the 4-year-old, she usually joins me in bed. I never see my husband anymore, and I'm completely tapped out by 4 pm since I know there is literally no end in sight. Do I just lock them in their respective rooms and let them cry until they throw up? I am seriously so over this!
In this episode Margaret advises:
- Set a time you want to hear from your kids for the last time and work backwards
- Establish the "three asks" rule
- Blank-face everything that happens after the three asks
Not knowing when bedtime is coming is too tough on everyone but never fear - if you go back to one and re-set bedtime with consistent effort for a week you should be back to a regular bedtime in no time and it will be worth the effort!
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Cat and Nat on Being Mom BFFs
Cat and Nat have been friends since they were teenagers, but grew closer after becoming parents and confiding in each other about the more taboo topics of parenting. Once they decided to bring their hilarious conversations online, they became the hilarious women we all know as Cat and Nat.
Cat and Nat host the "Mom Truths" podcast. Their videos have millions of views on YouTube, Facebook, and everywhere else; and their new book is Cat and Nat's Mom Secrets: Coffee-Fueled Confessions from the Mom Trenches.
In this episode, Cat and Nat share:
- How their true friendship developed and how it has helped them inspire millions of other moms
- What we can all learn from the mom confessions they've heard out on tour
- What they would tell their younger selves about what motherhood is really like
Find Cat and Nat online @catandnat
and on TikTok @catandnatofficial
Special thanks to this month’s sponsors:
Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.
Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.
Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.
Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Spoiled Kids (And How Not To Have Them)
We’ve all witnessed other people's children behaving as if they were king or queen of the hill.
Sometimes it's even our own kids who are behaving abominably at Applebee's.
But what exactly makes a kid "spoiled"? Conversely, what’s the opposite of spoiled, and how do we raise those kids?
We unpack this loaded term in this week’s episode and talk about how our own experiences have shaped our opinions.
In this episode, we discuss:
· The history of the term “spoiled child”
· Why spoiled children act out... and why it's usually in public
· Boundary-seeking behavior and how to address it
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
Livia Gershon for JStor Daily: The Spoiled Child is Not a Modern Invention
Jill Suttie for Greater Good Magazine: Taking on the Myth of the Spoiled Child
Patrick A. Coleman for Fatherly: Americans Fear Raising Spoiled Children and Do It Anyway
Rodolfo Mendoza-Denton for Greater Good Magazine: How to Pass the Marshmallow Test
The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Challenging the Conventional Wisdom about Children and Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Too Much of a Good Thing by Dan Kindlon
Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Happy and Successful Child by Dr. Jim Taylor
We also refer to our interview with kindergarten teacher and standup comedian Mr. D:
Fresh Take: Joe "Mr. D" Dombrowski on the Fresh Hells of Teaching During a Pandemic
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Kid Is Dealing With a Bully
At some point most kids will deal with a bully. But what happens when the bully is your kid's former friend?
A listener wrote in to ask:
At what point, if ever, do I attempt to help my eight-year-old kid with a conflict he is having with another boy in our neighborhood? The other boy's a year older and they've known each other since they were toddlers. They don't go to the same school, so they don't spend as much time together recently. But when they play outside they've always seemed to be on good terms. Now they're in a group together at camp, and my son says this boy is telling him things like “You aren't my friend anymore. You've never been my friend. And I hate you.”
I realize I'm only getting one side of the story. I've asked what led to this and my son can't or won't tell me. He came home early from camp today because the leader called and said he was crying to leave. When I got him home, my son told me this behavior happened again, and that's what made him want to come home.
I'm friendly with the other kid's mom. Do I text her and ask if she knows about some conflict between them? Do I ignore it and let the boys figure it out? I've told my kid just to play with other boys instead of this boy, and to tell a grownup at camp if the behavior becomes too much for him to handle on his own. What else, if anything, should I be doing?
Bullying behavior is common in kids of this age, and the kid getting picked on one day might be the kid dishing it out a week later. But a child who's coming home crying needs some additional support.
In this episode, Amy suggests how to ask the camp counselors for help, how and when to approach a bully's parent, and how to arm a bullied kid with survival strategies.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Bobbi Rebell on Raising Financially Aware Kids
This week we're talking with Bobbi Rebell, author of the new book Launching Financial Grownups: Live Your Richest Life by Helping Your (Almost) Adult Kids Become Everyday Money Smart. Bobbi is also the host of the "Money Tips for Financial Grownups" podcast.
Money can be a difficult subject to broach with kids for a number of reasons. So how do we break the ice? And what is different about our children's relationship with money in the digital age than ours was when we were kids? There are actually ways to make conversations about money more fun and engaging than rigid and boring. (And no, you don't have to look up influencers or NFTs to be able to talk to your kid about financial topics that will interest them!)
In this episode, Bobbi shows us how to:
- Engage our kids about money without talking down to them
- Tailor different financial conversations to different ages
- Use allowances to encourage financial freedom rather than maintain financial control
Follow Bobbi on Social Media:
Instagram @bobbirebell1
Twitter @bobbirebell
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Toxic Positivity
“God never gives you more than you can handle.” “Look on the bright side.” “It could be worse.” These are platitudes we’ve all heard and we all know are (to say the least) less than helpful.
So why do so many of us feel a need to put a good spin on things when disaster strikes, and how do we break out of that habit? We talk about our own experiences with toxic positivity, what we’ve learned from them, and what we’re still working on.
In this episode, we discuss:
· How overvaluing positives functions as a survival mechanism
· Why toxic positivity actually makes us less happy
· How to counter toxic positivity and how to stay graceful towards people who offer us outlooks we may not want or need
Here are links to some of the articles we discuss in this episode:
Brock Bastian and Ashley Humphrey for The Conversation: “How to avoid ‘toxic positivity’ and take the less direct route to happiness”
Allyson Chiu for The Washington Post : Time to ditch ‘toxic positivity,’ experts say: ‘It’s okay not to be okay’
Elizabeth Bernstein for The Wall Street Journal : Toxic Positivity Is Very Real, and Very Annoying
Links to other episodes that mention toxic positivity:
Fresh Take: Kate Bowler on the Truths We Need To Hear
Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - My Kid Hates Getting Their Hair Washed!
Water + soap + wriggly bodies = a giant puddle on the bathroom floor! And that's when the kids LIKE taking baths. What if they absolutely dread it?
This this week's question comes from Lauren on our Facebook page:
Tips for a 4 year old who legit PANICS about getting his hair washed. How can we make this better? At this point we are washing his hair like once a month because it’s so bad. It seems like he will randomly be somewhat ok with it, but 99% of the time he panic-screams and it’s really sad. I have a dry wash cloth so that he can keep the water out of his face, and I try to have him too his head back so the water won’t get in his face, but he still flips out.
My husband thinks that we need to wash his hair MORE frequently - like every other day - so that it doesn’t seem like such an unusual event and will become part of his routine. Thoughts?
When you've got a kid who hates bath time it's time to put on your detective hat. What is it about the bath that your kid is reacting to? The smell of the shampoo? Getting water dumped on their head? Being tipped backward?
Have conversations with your kid in and out of the tub about what is making bath time hard and then make adjustments (for example, a strong grip on your child's shoulder may ease their fear of tipping backwards) and soon you'll be able to say - bath time? Solved it!
Margaret cites this article by Alisha Grogan for yourkidstable.com Here's a Method to Help Kids That Hate Hair Washing
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Abby Medcalf on Relationships That Work
Abby Medcalf is the author of the #1 Amazon best-seller, “Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing,” and the host of the “Relationships Made Easy” Podcast. She talks in this Fresh Take about how competition mindsets damage relationships and what couples can do instead to be successful partners and co-parents.
In this episode , Abby explains:
- What it really means for your partner to 'take something off your plate'
- Why grading your spouse on a pass/fail basis may not be the best approach
- How treating your partnership like a business can help marital communication
Here are some of the resources from Abby's website that she mentions in this episode:
One big reason why keeping score sets you both up to lose in the relationship
4 ways keeping score in your relationship is setting you up to lose
How competition stops you from listening and forming connection
Follow Abby on social media:
IG: @abbymedcalfthriving
FB: @abbymedcalf
Twitter: @AbbyThriving
#relationshipsmadeeasy
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Kid Crushes and Dating
"My kid says she's dating someone, and she's 9!" Before you send in the cavalry, take a second to learn about all of the different ways kids express affection for one another and how to talk to them about it. We may want to learn the income, prospects, and favorite color of the crush in question, but sometimes it really is okay for kids to have secrets and feel independent in that regard.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How to talk to your kid respectfully about their crushes
- How to spot signs that your kid has a crush/is dating
- What "dating" means at different ages
Here are some links to the resources we discuss in this episode:
Adrienne Wichard-Edds for the Washington Post: Why You Should Permit and Encourage Your Teen to Date
Dian Cheney for Good Housekeeping: So Your Teen is Dating--Now What?
Bonnie J. Rough for the New York Times: The Value of Childhood Crushes
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Should I Deal With Comments About My Kid's Size?
Here at What Fresh Hell we say there's no reason for anyone to comment on another person's size in a conversational setting. Ever. Including women who are (or who might appear) pregnant, and also including babies and kids who might appear either small or big for their chronological age.
The latter is a course correction a lot of us might need to consider. What's the harm in saying a sweet little girl is teensy-tiny? Well, read the question of the week:
My daughter is five, but the size of a three-year-old. She's teeny-tiny. How do you deal with other adults' comments about your child’s size? It’s infuriating to me that adults cannot stop making comments, from taxi drivers to her classmates' parents. It’s never other kids, at least not yet.
I usually just acknowledge how old she is and try to shut down the conversation, but I’d love a really good comeback to make them realize that commenting on children’s bodies is never a good idea! Something else to note: I actually am concerned about her size, and we are going to the endocrinologist next month. All these comments just add to my anxiety. But there’s a good chance this is just who my daughter is!
In this episode, Amy gives this listener ideas of what to say both when her daughter is present for these comments, and when she isn't; plus how best to react when it's a stranger saying these things, versus a grandparent or teacher or other adult your child might see more frequently.
These comments might not have hurtful intent behind them; we'd argue they usually don't. But they're still insensitive, and if the parent in this situation can react with honesty and a bit of grace, it might just result in a teachable moment that will have that person behave differently next time.
Amy references @feedinglittles on Instagram as a great resource for what to say in these moments.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Sara Dean on Thinking Bigger
Sara Dean is the host of The Shameless Mom Academy podcast, which inspires women and moms to live bigger, bolder, and braver #everydamnday.
In this episode, we discuss
- how to turn our struggles into strengths
- why self-care is a basic human need
- how to "play bigger" and be a leader in your life, even when you are home with kids
Connect with Sara at www.shamelessmom.com
in her Facebook Group: www.shamelessmom.com/facebook
and on Instagram: www.instagram.com/shamelessmomacademy
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Grudges Held, Grudges Kept
Is it rational to still be mad about that time in second grade when the kid right in front of you took the last sprinkles at the ice cream social?
Is it reasonable to think just a little less of your childhood friend for serving Chex Mix at his wedding?
Ours is not to reason why. This episode isn't here to tell you whether you all should be maintaining these grudges so carefully. It's here to hold space for them all. Stay angry, Hellions!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - Should I Take My Kids to Disney World?
Listeners have been discussing their trips to Disney World on the What Fresh Hell Facebook Group, and Jillian posed this question:
"I’d love to hear a Disney episode: if you’ve been, if you are Disney people who go frequently, or are you a one and done type or a 'that’s a hard no' type?"
Good timing! Margaret recently took her family for their "one and done" trip to Disney World.
The biggest takeaway? Save early and save often for your Disney trip. Disney is one of those places where the more you spend the better your experience... and also one of those places where just when you think you're finished spending money, it's time to spend more money!
Margaret and her family invested in the Genie+ Pass which saved them lots of long wait times. The pass is great for skipping lines, but it activates at 7 a.m., so be ready to set your alarm for 6:30 and be poised with your finger over the app. (And to access your inner zen when it's overloaded and you can't get in!)
Margaret worked with a Disney Travel Planner and stayed at the The Boardwalk Inn. Staying in a Disney property meant early access to the parks (great for getting on popular rides like "Rise of the Resistance" first thing in the morning) and was great because there were lots of activities for the kids. including a nightly outdoor movie showing.
Overall Margaret highly recommends a Disney World vacation– as long as you keep in mind that as vacations go, it's not that relaxing. Using the Genie+ app means early wake ups every day, and there's so much walking.
But even for a Disney skeptic like Margaret the week was hectic but magical... which means her family may not be "one and done" after all!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Amee Severson on Intuitive Eating For Our Families
Our society connects thin bodies not just with better health, but with greater happiness. And many of us have been duped into believing that the rewards of eternal thinness are available to anyone who "eats right" and tries hard enough. But teaching our children "intuitive eating" suggests a different path: putting our kids' relationship with food and their bodies and their mental health on the front burner, and appearance and weight on the back.
Amee Severson is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist who identifies as queer and nonbinary. Her work focuses on body positivity, fat acceptance, and providing safe and inclusive care for the LGBTQ+ community. Amee is the co-author of the new book How to Raise an Intuitive Eater: Raising the Next Generation with Food and Body Confidence.
In this epsiode, Amee explains
- why the well-meaning strategies of concerned parents around food and weight usually end up backfiring
- how raising kids who eat intuitively means engaging with the complicated messages around food or dieting that we may have ourselves received
- the "three keys" for embracing a new path toward intuitive eating for our families
Intuitive eating is definitely a back-to-one sort of thing, a resetting of expectations that we need to revisit often. But here's why that work is worth it: our kids deserve to feel lovable, worthy, and accepted, no matter what their bodies look like.
Find HOW TO RAISE AN INTUITIVE EATER in our Bookshop store!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Being "Safe Spaces" For Our Kids
We know we have to be our kids’ soft place to fall. We understand why they absolutely fall apart after a long day at school. But does it really have to be Mom who always gets the worst of it?
Our listener Michelle wrote in to say:
I have been pondering something I call the "Safe Space Paradox,” or why children behave so differently around their primary caregiver. I am repeatedly told by grandparents, teachers, my husband, that my children were "perfect angels" for them. And yet the minute I open the door it is a cue for my children to resume the whining, fighting, and crying.
I understand this is because of the deep emotional connection children form with their primary caregiver. But is there any research on ways to actually improve this? Or that I can actually enjoy this precious side of my children?
In this episode, we discuss
- why kids really do save their worst behavior for us (and why we're part of the reason that can happen)
- how hard it can be to feel like the dirty hand towel for everyone's bad feelings
- strategies that work (a little) to help out-of-control kids contain their large feelings
For more on "after school restraint collapse," check out our episode "Why 5 to 8 p.m. Is The Worst: How To Handle the After-School Crankies"
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Lauren Cahn for Reader's Digest: Here’s Why Kids Behave So Much Worse Around Their Parents
Fern Weis for Motherly: The real reason your kids act worse for you than anyone else—and how to help
Beth Shaw for Psychology Today: When Trauma Gets Stuck in the Body
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: The Kids Make Me Nuts While I'm Driving!
Does your kids' chatter in the back seat work your last nerve? You may identify with this week's question:
I feel like your wisdom could help me with the dreaded evening commute. I have a job that requires me to be on. And at the end of the day, I really need a moment of silence to re-become normal. Trouble is, the kid pickup and drive home is on me. And at the exact moment I need to hear myself think, my kids have had to shut up all day at school and have not gotten the chance to tell all of the stories. Our needs at that moment are total opposites.
There's a couple things I can't do anything about, like my work schedule. I'm leaving at five when it will truly take us about half an hour to get home. No, my husband can't do the pickup.
I have tried a couple of things. "Today I brought you each a book and you'll just read no talking." That works pretty well. Or "Let's listen to this cool family podcast I found today." But given that my kids also have equally valid needs, I feel like it's not fair to make all five weekday commutes free of the endless kid stories just to accommodate me. Do you have any ideas, suggestions? I'm all ears.
Everyone needs to decompress at the end of a long day– it's just that, as this listener points out, her kids' form of decompression requires more attention than anyone should have to give as to who sat where at circle time.
Amy suggests adding rituals at other times of the day that will both give the kids chances to share and that will give this mom time to center. Making room for both things is worth it.
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown
Taylor Harris is a writer and mom of three living in Pennsylvania. Her first book, THIS BOY WE MADE: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown, is the story of A Black mother bumping up against the limits of everything she thought she believed—about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith—in search of the truth about her son.
Taylor says her memoir is "about a day where Motherhood divided into Before and After." In this episode we hear about the particulars of Taylor's continuing journey to find answers for her child, and how we can all find in that story our own feelings of fear and uncertainty as parents.
Find This Boy We Made in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781948226844
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Better Then? Or Better Now?
This week we're discussing whether these parts of our lives (then as children, now as parents) are better then or better now:
- Halloween costumes
- holidays at school
- jeans
- what's for lunch
- cleaning the house
Loved this episode? Listen to this Part One, in which we consider everything from maternity clothes to snow days:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/better-then-or-better-now/
And here's a link to Margaret's dad's vote for next year's Superbowl entertainment: Vic Damone singing "Strangers in Paradise"
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - When Should My Kids Start Sharing a Room?
This week's question comes from Sheila:
"I have a 15-month-old and an almost 3-year-old. The 3-year-old has been in a toddler bed in his own room since he was 18 months old. The 15-month-old sleeps in a crib in a separate room. How do I get both boys to sleep in the same room without risking one waking the other either in the middle of night or way too early in the morning? When is the right age to have kids share a room?"
When it comes to sharing a room there is no "right age." Some kids share from infancy, some have separate rooms forever, and some parents wait to share until no one is napping anymore. Whenever room-sharing becomes the right choice, either by necessity or by preference, here are some ways to make the transition a success:
- Set an expected bedtime– a lights-out time when it gets quiet and sleeping is expected.
- Build in play time for the siblings sharing a room. Make sure there is enough time before bed for rough housing and fun. For an 8:15pm lights out, have the kids in their room by 7:30.
- Establish morning rules, like "If your brother is still asleep, come out to the playroom as soon as you wake up."
It's unlikely that the transition to room-sharing will be totally smooth, but if you establish guidelines around sleep times and expected behavior, you'll get there!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: The Dumb Dads
Evan Kyle Berger and Kevin Laferriere, better known as "The Dumb Dads," are stay-at-home dad comedians who've been featured on Momsplaining with Kristen Bell, Ellen, Today and Good Morning America for their social media sketch comedy. In addition to their own social pages, they make content for Bubble, a channel on EllenTube.
Margaret, Evan, and Kevin talk about finding the funny in parenting, the fresh hell that is LA naptime driving, and why the "dumb" in "Dumb Dads" is actually silent.
Follow The Dumb Dads @dumbdadpod on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, and catch all their hilarious content on their YouTube channel!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
That's No Longer Interesting To Me
What’s no longer interesting to you? How has your life been improved simply by no longer caring about something the world definitely thinks you should?
The key here is no longer interesting. James Bond movies and auto parts probably never made the list in the first place. We’re talking stuff you turned your back on after having cared perhaps a little too much.
Which isn’t to say you don’t get pushback when you put things down. Just because *you* stop being interested in what’s for dinner doesn’t mean other small denizens of your home are going to stop asking you. Just because you stop caring about the scale doesn’t mean your sister will stop asking if you’ve lost weight.
But whether it’s celebrity culture, making our kids dress appropriately for the weather, or what we wear to school drop-off, here are some things that are no longer interesting to us (and to our listeners).
Did you know you can share this episode from whatever app you're using to listen right now? Text it to a friend!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Much Complaining About the "Invisible Workload" is Allowed?
How can you talk about the division of labor in your home– particularly if you're the one doing most of that labor– in a way that's less complain-y and more effective?
Listeners can email us their questions at questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com, which is where we received this week's question:
Where is the the line between verbalizing the “mental load” and not talking everything to death and annoying myself and my partner in the process? I want him to recognize and understand all that I do as a stay-at-home mom to keep our house and family running, but at what point should I just put my head down and do my “job”? I do view this as my job and I wouldn’t have it any other way, so it makes it confusing to decide what to verbally “offload” and what to keep to myself.
Talking about the invisible workload isn't one and done. It's invisible to everyone except you, the default parent who's doing it all. So we think you do get to talk about it. But in order to keep those conversations peaceful and productive, start by considering what you hope to gain.
Is it "I see what you're doing, and it's a lot, thank you?" In that case, be clear that you're asking for appreciation and gratitude.
Is it that your partner needs to change little things he or she is doing ("soaking" pans in sink, we're looking at you!) because they're taking your work for granted without understanding how that makes you feel?
Or is it that you're actually drowning in all that you need to accomplish on a daily basis, and you need your partner to step up and take on significant responsibilities right now?
Decide your goal for the conversation, set up a time to discuss it, and then start (and end) what you have to say with your specific request. Asking for what you need will make it more likely your spouse will understand what to do next, and will hopefully leave you feeling a little less "annoying" for speaking up.
In this episode Amy recommends this interview with Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/changing-the-invisible-workload-with-guest-eve-rodsky/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Masha Rumer on Parenting As An Immigrant
Masha Rumer is an award-winning journalist and immigrant from the former Soviet Union who is now raising two children in California. Her new book, PARENTING WITH AN ACCENT: HOW IMMIGRANTS HONOR THEIR HERITAGE, NAVIGATE SETBACKS, AND CHART NEW PATHS FOR THEIR CHILDREN, explores the complexities of multicultural parenting and identity.
In this episode, we discuss
- The experience of disidentifying with, and then seeking to reconnect with, the cultures from which we came
- What we get wrong about the history of immigration
- What it’s like to be “in America but not of it,” while parenting children for whom America feels like home
Find PARENTING WITH AN ACCENT in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807021873
and follow Masha Rumer here:
@MashaDC on Twitter
@masharumer on Instagram
@parentingwithanaccent on Facebook
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Things Change, And That's Okay
Sometimes all the "treasure every moment, Mama" content can make us feel like it's all downhill from here, that each year of parenting becomes a little less special.
This suspicion is confirmed when we're with our little ones at the grocery store and an older woman takes us in, nods knowingly, then says with a raised eyebrow, "Just you wait."
But wait for what? Does only peril and sass-mouth lie ahead?
In this episode we discuss how parenting changes, and why that change is not to be feared or resisted. Some things honestly change for the better. Some things for sure you miss. But all change is absolutely, totally okay.
For more on this topic, and in particular the answers to "yes but when does it change for the EASIER?", check out our episode Your Life Begins Again When... (The Second Half of Parenting)
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - What Kind of After-School Routine Should I Be Following?
Are the after school hours intense ones at your house? Whether you have pre-schoolers or high-schoolers you can probably relate to this question from Patti:
"Can we talk about after school routines? When my mom was a child she and her siblings had afternoon tea and cake with their mom every day after school. When my kids get home in the afternoon it’s like a bunch of wild animals just escaped from the zoo. I can’t commit to a routine. Play outside first? Have screen time to unwind? How can I make this time of day less hellish for me and more peaceful for everyone?"
Just like kids aren't "one size fits all," after-school routines have to be designed to fit your child. But a simple rule that should work for most kids is "food first." Greet your kids with a snack if possible, or lay one out ahead of time. While a frozen pizza from the microwave isn't as Pinterest-worthy as a tray of fresh cookies next to a chalkboard with Welcome Home! written on it, the aim here is to feed your kids, not to be perfect and presentational.
Margaret is a big fan of down time after school and says it is perfectly fine if that time involves screens. For some kids playing outside may be a better choice, and for others, after-school activities may eat up so much time that homework needs to be prioritized as soon as they do get home.
The big picture here is that most kids do better with some structure to their after-school routines. If the after school hours at your house feel out of control, start small. Add a snack, implement a simple schedule, and see how it works for your family– and then make adjustments as necessary. It's worth putting some effort into defining what works for your, but as a guiding principle, well-fed kids who have a little time to decompress will probably be easier to deal with for the rest of the night.
Margaret cites this article in this episode:
Bianca Lambert for Romper: How Hair Care Became the Ultimate Bonding Experience for Kyla Pratt and her Daughters
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Kat Vellos On Friendship and Connection
How is it possible to find ourselves lonely in the midst of crazy-busy lives? Why does adulthood mean you only see people you really like twice a year? How did friendship get so complicated?
Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships in adulthood. She’s the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, a book which has beenn helping adults around the world heal from disconnection and loneliness. Her follow-up book, Connected from Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You’re Far Away, is filled with connection-boosting exercises to help us cultivate closeness and belonging no matter how far away we are from the ones we love.
In this episode, Kat and Amy discuss
- the paradox of our increasingly busy lives, with more opportunities to meet people, and our decreasing feelings of connection
- how to overcome our decreased "social stamina" as we come out of the pandemic
- our main challenges to connection– and how to get intentional about getting the amount of connection that is just right for each one of us
Check out weshouldgettogether.com for all of Kat's books and calendars, plus tons of resources to help you cultivate better friendships.
Find out more about Kat's talks and coaching at katvellos.com.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Back to Ones (And Why They're Better Than Goals)
We've long been proponents of a "back to one" instead of a goal. On a movie set, the assistant director yells "Back to one!" after a take of a scene, so that everything can be perfectly reset to its starting point for another crack at the same scene. There's no judgment; of course you're going to do more than one take. Of course you're going to try to fix whatever didn't go right, and learn from your previous tries. Going back to one isn't setting a goal or expecting perfection; it's just what happens next.
Our listener Dana recently proposed this in our Facebook group:
"2/1 Back to One! "Help me make it a thing. I'm not ready for resolutions on January 1. The tree is still up, the holiday sweets are still around, and the kids are still off school. I think February 1st is the perfect day to start good habits for the upcoming year.
We heartily approve this notion! No New Year's resolutions this year for us, but in this episode, we discuss the gentle resets that we and our listeners are creating in different areas of our lives this February and beyond.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!
flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.
Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy : I Accidentally Created a Toddler Screens Monster!
I have created a 2-year-old screens monster! This week he and I have been sick with fever, vomiting, and diarrhea. (I also have a 6 month old who has miraculously stayed healthy.) My typically screen-free toddler has been given unlimited screen time because it was the only way we could survive! Now that he is getting better, he just wants to watch screens all day. I try to take them away and he screams, hits and goes crazy. How do I wean him off of this new and terrible habit?
Toddlers' memories are short enough that a reset is easily possible here. You don't mention which screens are problematic, but phones can be hidden in coat closets, TVs can have suddenly and mysteriously inoperable remote controls, computers can be "out of power" with no charger to be found.
You report that tantrums occur when the screens are taken away, so the key is to avoid turning them on in the first place, or at least to have them as readily available as they were before.
Another approach you can consider, from the world of animal training, is to create and reward an "incompatible behavior," or something novel your child will want to do that means by definition he can't be doing the other, less desirable behavior (in this case, hours of screens).
In this episode, Amy gives a few examples of incompatible behaviors to consider in this case. The overall takeaway? A hard reset is the answer, and that is fully available here. Hide the screens to the extent that you can, use your best branding to set up something super awesome that he will want to do more, keep that up for a couple of nights, and the new routine really will be set.
Until the next stomach bug, when you'll probably have to do it all again.
Amy mentions this video of a dog named Greta being trained using an incompatible behavior:
https://youtu.be/P0TB4v_rUj8
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Cara Harvey on Real Productivity
Cara Harvey is a mom empowerment coach who provides women with the tools, resources, and community to empower themselves, find their happiness, and live a life by design. Her new book is THE 15-MINUTE FORMULA: HOW BUSY MOMS CAN DITCH THE GUILT, SAY YES TO WHAT MATTERS, AND CONQUER THEIR GOALS.
In this interview, we discuss
- what "hustle culture" gets wrong about getting things done
- how becoming *less* attached to our calendars can help us be more productive
- why 15 minutes might be the perfect-sized block of time to really move us toward our goals, whether they're professional, family-focused, or personal
Find Cara on Instagram: @apurposedrivenmom
Get a free "action guide" here: https://the15minuteformula.com/free/
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dealing With Uncertainty as a Parent
How do we prepare for a future that isn’t clear? How do we prepare our kids for their future when what that might look like is also unclear?
Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of the parenting journey, but in this episode we’re talking about those really uncertain times: the “this might be nothing, but we’d like to run more tests” times. The “we actually aren’t sure what’s happening here” times. The "this could really go either way" moments in our lives.
In this episode we discuss:
- why parenting through uncertainty is so hard
- how these times have played out in our own lives
- why “just try not to think about it!” is terrible advice
- why the things we do to reduce our uncertainty can sometimes backfire
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Mark Freeston et al: Towards a model of uncertainty distress in the context of Coronavirus (Covid-19)
Nabi Nazari and Mark Griffiths: Using Fear and Anxiety Related to COVID-19 to Predict Cyberchondria: Cross-sectional Survey Study
Victoria Maxwell for Psychology Today: 6 Ways to Increase Uncertainty Tolerance
and this past episode of ours:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/the-back-to-school-hell-pandemic-edition/
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - My Child is So Rude to Me!
If you have a kid who used to gaze at you with adoring eyes and now looks at you as if everything you say is the dumbest thing they've ever heard, you can probably relate to this week's question:
My 11 (almost 12) year old son started 6th grade this year and he has turned into a totally different person! I feel like I don’t even know him. He can’t seem to stop back talking, he’s selfish, and he’s really just rude.
The good news is that our kids turning on us and becoming disrespectful is normal, age-appropriate, and a sign that our kids are flexing their much-needed independence from us. But that doesn't mean that being rude is OK.
So how do we enforce boundaries of respectful treatment in our homes without our dialogues with our kids just becoming "Don't talk to me that way!" on constant repeat?
The main thing to remember is that you should not be being disrespected in your own home. Get used to repeating, "I'm happy to help you with that if you can ask in a pleasant tone of voice." It is extremely difficult, but your power in this situation comes from staying calm. Practice a gesture (such as putting up a "stop" hand) that goes along with your request to speak more politely. If this is not working don't be afraid to use our old friend the whiteboard. "If you speak rudely five times a day you get five checks ant then you are off screens for the day." It's a good discipline to get into because it means instead of yelling you are calmly replying "that's one check out of five."
While you are working this program find as many things as you can to lean in to for connection with your kids. Whether it's Roblox or playoff games, work on finding ways that you can enjoy talking to each other so that you're not spending all your timing yelling "Don't talk to me like that!"
Margaret cites this article from empoweringparents.com: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/disrespectful-child-or-teen-5-things-not-to-do-as-a-parent/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Lynyetta Willis on Breaking Out of "Stable Misery"
Dr. Lynyetta Willis is a psychologist and family empowerment coach who helps smart, successful women (and their families) stop the unhelpful patterns that keep them stuck, so they can create more joy in their parenting or partnerships.
In this interview, Dr. Willis tells us what it means to live in "stable misery." (It may sound pretty familiar). We discuss her framework for changing those patterns and finding more joy and harmony in our lives as partners and as parents.
You will love this joyful, insightful interview!
Here are links to some of Dr. Willis's programs that we discuss in this episode. Find out more at drlwillis.com.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
This One Thing Is Saving Me Right Now
What’s getting you through right now? A TV show? A candle? A coffee mug warmer? A podcast and a brisk walk? We asked our listeners for one thing that’s working for them right now, and from workouts to pets to Hallmark movies, we've got some good ones.
As promised, here are links so some things mentioned in the episode that are currently saving us:
- Barefoot Dreams blanket
- Brooklyn Candle
- hygge (the concept)
- Maintenance Phase
- Wordle
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: What's It Like To Have a Kid Away At College?
If you've got a high schooler who's starting the college process– and the part you're most dreading as a parent is drop-off day– you will probably identify with this Question of the Week:
Hey ladies! A longtime listener here. How about an episode about Amy’s experience with her oldest off at college? I’m a mom who’s sending her first one away to school next year and my heart is already slowly breaking. Help!
Good news: like a milestone birthday, the enormity of a kid leaving for college is way larger on the road ahead of you than it is in your rear-view mirror. It does cause great changes in your relationship with your child when they're not with you at the dinner table every night. The entire system really does transform when one family member is removed. But not all of the changes your family dynamic will undergo are bad. And if your teenager is giving you one-word answers while she's still at home, you may be surprised at how much she has to tell you once she's having these new experiences. In fact, these very show notes were interrupted for a lazy Sunday FaceTime with just such a first-year college student.
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Fresh Take: Meghan Leahy on How To Really Connect With Our Kids
Meghan Leahy is the "On Parenting" columnist for The Washington Post and a certified parenting coach. She's also the author of PARENTING OUTSIDE THE LINES: FORGET THE RULES, TAP INTO YOUR WISDOM, AND CONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband, three school-age daughters, and her dog.
In her work as a parenting coach, Meghan finds that we parents are often "unreliable narrators" of our own stories. For example, we might ask for help by saying "The problem is my daughter never listens to me!" when the actual issue we need to face might be more about connection and less about teenage insolence.
In this episode, we discuss how to make connection with our kids our foremost goal as parents, and how attachment with our kids might occur in ways far beyond the well-meaning "So how was your day?" As Meghan explains, even boundaries are forms of connection. On the other hand, a few lowered standards right now (like some extra lunch plates in kids' rooms after Zoom school) can really make family life better for all of us, even moms.
You can find out more about Meghan Leahy's one-on-one parent coaching, online classes, and writing on her website: mlparentcoach.com.
In this episode we discuss the CPS Method for family problem-solving, which we discuss in more detail in this interview with Dr. Stacy Haynes.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
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Pandemic Decision Fatigue
We didn't think we'd get stuck here again, but here we are, in Pandemic: Omicron Edition.
We're finding this round particularly exhausting because any semblance of consistency in guidance, advice, or predictions is long gone. And yet we're still the decision makers for our families, the ones everyone looks to for the answers, the plans, the "what's for dinner," the "can Eliza come over?"
In other words, we're struggling with pandemic decision fatigue. In a recent study by the American Psychological Association, 47% of parents reported being so stressed about the pandemic that they struggle to make basic decisions like what to wear and what to eat.
In this episode, we have an honest discussion of how "analysis paralysis" has been playing out in our lives lately, and why "the decision that makes you feel calmest" might be the best touchstone for these times (hat tip to psychotherapist Josh Jonas).
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
American Psychological Association: Stress and decision-making during the pandemic
Alexandra Frost for Washington Post: Why you just can’t choose: Parenting through pandemic decision fatigue
Ronda Kaysen for NYT: Another Covid Winter, but Our Quarantine Comforts No Longer Work
Jenny Lemmons Magic on Facebook: "Decision fatigue" will be how I remember this season of my life.
and here's the "You're soaking in it!" Palmolive ad- with MADGE! (Amy said it was Marge, whoops)
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
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Ask Margaret - My Boys are Bathroom Destroyers!
Got young boys? If so you can probably relate to today's question of the week:
"So I have 3 boys, an 8-year-old and 6-year-old twins. They seem to destroy bathrooms and I cannot handle! They almost never flush, spray pee on floor and baseboards, squirt toothpaste on the counter, and almost never own up to who did it. I smell urine every time I walk in the upstairs hallway -- it's awful. Any bathroom tips or tips for figuring out what kid did which mess so they can clean it?!! "
The first response to this question is - it doesn't matter who made the mess. Shared spaces in the household are the responsibility of the people who share that space. This means that you can stop spending any time wondering about who is responsible for which part of the mess. Set a time when cleaning the bathroom happens and everyone involved in making the mess helps to clean it up.
You may be skipping the step of making sure that the kids know how to behave in the bathroom. Lean in on lessons on how to pee correctly, how to squeeze the correct amount on toothpaste, and all the steps of brushing teeth, including rinsing the toothbrush and putting it back in the cup, then wiping down the counter. These lessons should continue until the behavior improves even if you are greeted with a rousing chorus of "WE KNOW!" every time you explain it.
Making bathroom cleanup a weekly chore (every Saturday morning, for example) will do two things: it will keep the bathroom mess from getting truly out of control, and it will encourage the kids involved to maintain better bathroom habits so that the mess they have to confront every week is not quite so gross.
This is also something that gets better (generally) as kids age. We promise that their aim gets better, their ability to use toothpaste improves, and maybe most importantly, they'll be able to do the clean up with much less supervision.
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Fresh Take: Melinda Wenner Moyer on Raising Kids Who Aren't Jerks
Melinda Wenner Moyer is an award-winning contributing editor at Scientific American, a regular contributor to The New York Times, and a former parenting columnist for Slate.
Melinda is also the mom of two, and the author of How to Raise Kids Who Aren't A**holes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting--From Tots to Teens, This book offers our favorite combination: humor, support, and lots of research! We discuss what the research tells us about how to raise kids who are kind, considerate, and ethical inside and outside the home.
Do not miss Melinda's newsletter, Is My Kid The A**hole? , especially this recent post on "The Agony of Being a Parent Right Now": https://melindawmoyer.substack.com/p/the-agony-of-being-a-parent-right
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
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Well, That Backfired! (Part Two)
Glitter! Slime!
Escape rooms!
Nutcrackers over Zoom!
Here's Part Two of Things That Backfired for us and for our listeners...
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout.
Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: My Toddler Thinks It's Funny to Hit Me
Have a toddler who thinks it's funny to hit Mom or Dad? A listener wrote in to ask:
Any suggestions for dealing with hitting? My almost two-year-old hits us (mom, dad, older sister) when frustrated. It seems to start out of frustration and then continue out of curiosity. He seems to get that we do not like it when he hits, but he keeps doing it. We say “no” firmly and attempt to remove him from the situation, or remove ourselves. But getting smacked in the face is getting old fast.
Children this little have not yet developed "theory of mind"– the capacity to understand other people's mental states, and that those mental states can differ from one's own. Since smacking Mommy's face arouses curiosity in your child, it can be hard for him to grasp, at his developmental level, that you might feel differently.
Rather than giving the hitting too much attention– which includes the negative attention of a loud "No!"– Amy suggests Dr. Harvey Karp's "gossiping" technique, which will enable your toddler to learn why hitting is not okay without being distracted by your anger or his shame.
It's a stage, but it's an unpleasant one! We hope that "gossiping" will really help. Here's an article to tell you more about the technique:
Dr. Harvey Karp: How to Encourage Good Toddler Behavior With “Gossiping”
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BEST OF: Katherine May on "Wintering"
We're bringing you one of our favorite interviews this week: Katherine May, author of the tremendous book WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES.
Written before the pandemic but perfectly relevant to these times, WINTERING explores how the natural world prepares for and survives winter– and how we can apply the lessons of actual winters to the metaphorical winters in our lives where, as Katherine puts it, "we feel like the world has pushed us out. We feel isolated, depressed, locked out in the cold, and that the rest of life is drifting away from us."
We all go through personal winters. Sometimes they're for terrible reasons (an unexpected death); sometimes they're for happy ones (a newborn who needs to be fed every two hours). Sometimes they're brief and not too unbearable; sometimes no end is in sight.
Winter is cyclical, it's part of life, and it can be understood as a time of rest and of waiting, rather than of stillness and death. There is much that winter can teach us, and we loved both this conversation with Katherine and her profound book.
You can find WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593189481
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
2021: The Year in Review
2021: the year that was better than 2020, but also not really. More than ever, we are so thankful to all of you who listen to this podcast, laugh along with us, and create the best community on Facebook at facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast.
Here's a playlist of all the episodes we mention as among our favorites for 2021. Text it to a friend who would love What Fresh Hell!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0E04ow5m6T1jBi5cueSrn3?si=4qCtWndFQpKQ4mnIBiSY8w”
Thanks for being part of a great 2021 for What Fresh Hell!
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - How Do I Handle Kid Crushes?
If you've ever reorganized your kid's backpack and found a note saying "Do you like me? Check YES or NO," then you will probably relate to this week's question:
My 3rd grader has a secret crush and wrote about it, which I found in her book bag. I think it’s adorable. I want to embarrass her so badly. Any tips on kinder ways to address or ignore our kids’ cute little crushes? I mean, this milestone in social-emotional development?
It can be kind of shocking for parents to discover their kids have crushes, because it is often one of the first times they are having an emotional experience that they are not sharing fully with us. This can lead to a temptation either to tease our kids or to put on our detective hats. But it's better to stay calm and resist the urge to dive in full force.
While we may find our kid's crushes adorable and silly, our kids are experiencing them as serious and important. Resist the urge to embarrass kids or tease them about their crushes. It's okay to bring up any information you might have about the crush existing, but from there, let your kids take the lead. Remember that kids have extremely short attention spans. The kid they are having a marriage ceremony with on the playground on Tuesday may be the kid they never want to talk about again by Friday.
Conversations about how we treat each other (in romantic relationships and in friendships) should be happening all the time at home. Talking about crushes is a good time to discuss how to maintain our other friendships even if there is one person we are particularly interested in– and how sometimes we like people who don't like us back, and why that's hard. It's a great time to talk about your own experiences in relationships and what has worked for you.
Kid crushes come and go, so hold them lightly and remember not to overinvest.
Margaret cites this article by Rachel Aydt for Parents on today's episode: https://www.parents.com/kids/development/friends/how-to-handle-your-childs-first-crush/
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BEST OF: Carla Naumburg
Carla Naumburg is a mother, clinical social worker, and author. She is the author of three parenting books, including the bestseller How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, which not only explains WHY we explode at our children, but also teaches us everything we need to know to decrease stress and increase patience, even in the most challenging family moments.
Kids are hard-wired to push our buttons. We are hard-wired to freak out when they're pushed. In this Fresh Take interview from earlier in 2021, Carla explains how managing our triggers can help us stop the meltdowns.
This episode will make you feel less ashamed, more empowered, and a whole lot better.
Find How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523505425
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BEST OF: Holiday Fails
Experts say happiness is often purer in the anticipation of an event, because the reality can be a little more messy. And at no time of year is that sentiment more true than during the holiday season.
We asked our listeners to tell us their holiday worsts, and in this "best of" episode we discuss them all, plus a few of our own. Hams glazed with norovirus! Toddlers sleeping in airports! Plus everyone's favorite Yuletide novelty song: The Vomiting Christmas Baby!
Why is it that the semi-disastrous memories are the ones we remember best? Either way, we can laugh now, which makes it (almost) all worth it.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: Tips for Flying With Little Ones
Flying with little ones for the holidays? It's always a little extra complicated, and even more so this year. This week Diane asks:
My husband and I are flying from Philadelphia to Texas. My kids have never flown before. Any advice for air travel with little kids?
Amy says the two keys to successful flights with little ones are preparation and options, and in this episode she explains
- how to know for sure what your kid will have to watch before you get on the plane
- why you might actually want to be the LAST ones on the plane (not the first)
- how mask compliance gets easier when little one's hands are busy
- and why you can never have too many Ziploc bags.
Two other resources mentioned in this episode:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/2021/09/28/kids-planes-mask-rules-flying/
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/lists/best-kids-apps-to-download-before-a-flight
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Fresh Take: Rashida Dinehart on Normalizing Grief
Rashida Dinehart is the co-host of the Grieving Mamas Club podcast, which provides community for anyone on the wild ride of motherhood while also navigating their grief journey. She's also the creator of Mona and Me, a blog exploring the high highs and low lows of Rashida's life as a motherless mom.
In this episode, Margaret and Rashida discuss the loss of their mothers, why grief is not a linear process, and how they continue to navigate their own grief journeys.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality bedding is the ultimate comfort upgrade. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code FRESH to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Olive & June delivers all the manicure tools you need in one box. Visit oliveandjune.com/FRESH and use code FRESH for 20% off. your first mani system.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
It's the Most Everything Time of the Year
Are you juggling “dress as your favorite reindeer” day at preschool with frantic texts from your sister-in-law asking what your spouse wants for Christmas? Are you feeling like hiding under the covers instead of hitting the office quasi-Covid holiday party?
It’s the most everything time of the year, and women report the holidays as being far more stressful than men do.
In this episode we discuss how to manage the holiday stress, how to accept the non-cozy feelings that may arise, and why it’s okay to dial back if you’re really not feeling the holiday spirit.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Pooja Lakshmin on Instagram @womensmentalhealthdoc
Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research: Holiday Stress
Harvard Medical School: A holiday advisory for your emotions
Cedars-Sinai Hospital: Depression and Anxiety Around the Holidays
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality bedding is the ultimate comfort upgrade. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code FRESH to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Olive & June delivers all the manicure tools you need in one box. Visit oliveandjune.com/FRESH and use code FRESH for 20% off. your first mani system.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - Splitting Time at the Holidays
If you are traveling this holiday season to juggle seeing more than one part of your extended family in a short amount of time, you may relate to this question from Elizabeth:
How do you tackle splitting time between families over the holidays, especially with a newborn? Both sets of grandparents live in the same town, but how do we decide when it’s time to leave one place and go to the next? It's already tough keeping up eating and napping schedules when we're away from home.
We hate to feel like we are disappointing anyone at this time of year, but little kids make it pretty much impossible to our extended families as much as they'd like.
The key to making family visits as smooth as possible is to plan ahead, and then manage expectations. Sit down with your partner and decide which family members you can see at which times, making your children's meal and nap schedules a priority.
If your families are far apart, this may involve alternating holiday visits ("we'll see your family at Thanksgiving and then mine at Christmas"). You can factor in which holidays are particularly important to individual families into your travel decisions, but this is a decision for you and your spouse to make together and then present as a united front. If weather or extra-long naps mess with your schedule, of course you can change your plans. But it's easier to improvise changes to a plan already in place than to make those plans up as you go along.
Will this mean that everyone is happy with your choices? No, it won't. Will this mean that no one will make passive-aggressive comments about they just wish you didn't have to leave? Unfortunately, it will not. There will always be some push back from extended family members who may feel shortchanged about how you choose to split time at the holidays. But a good plan and firm boundaries around it, and what choices work for your immediate family, will make your holiday travel a bit calmer.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Relationships with Danielle Silverstein of "Marriage and Martinis"
Danielle Silverstein, along with her husband Adam, host the podcast Marriage and Martinis. Their show presents a real, authentic marriage at its core, with all the love, hate, teamwork, struggles, laughter, humiliation, and ever-changing dynamics that comprise a spousal relationship.
They are also the co-authors of the e-book THE DATE NIGHT QUESTIONS EXPERIENCE, full of questions crafted to spark intimate, productive, and satisfying discussions with our partners.
We talk about the great divide between dating and marriage, why we are tempted to turn on our partners during rough times affecting our families, and how structured conversations can teach us new things about people, even the person we've been sleeping next to for a decade.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality bedding is the ultimate comfort upgrade. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code FRESH to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Olive & June delivers all the manicure tools you need in one box. Visit oliveandjune.com/FRESH and use code FRESH for 20% off. your first mani system.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Well, That Backfired (Part One)
Trips to DisneyWorld with toddlers.
"Kid-friendly" hikes.
Storybooks reassuring children about trips to the dentist.
Buying an adorable lakeside cabin.
These are just a few of the ideas that sounded terrific but which spectacularly backfired, for us and our listeners.
So many of you wrote in that we'll be doing a Part Two! In the meantime, enjoy these backfires.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing.
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality bedding is the ultimate comfort upgrade. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code FRESH to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Olive & June delivers all the manicure tools you need in one box. Visit oliveandjune.com/FRESH and use code FRESH for 20% off. your first mani system.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- My Kid Gags At Foods He Used To Like!
What happens when your child’s picky eating actually increases with age? If your kid already had a limited food repertoire, seeing them reduce their list of acceptable foods can be very stressful. But how can a parent push back without causing a power struggle?
This week’s question comes from Katherine:
My 7-year-old son (who has sensory issues) gags frequently at the smell and sight of foods, and even at non-food objects. One time he threw up at the sight of a smushed acorn in our driveway. He's even started to gag at foods that were once reliable staples for him– pasta, scrambled and boiled eggs, dinosaur chicken nuggets. Once he gags, he will never consider the food again. I've explained this in depth to his pediatrician, but she just shrugged it off. Any tips, insights, or experts that you might know of would really, really help.
Kids do well if they can. No kid wants to have stress around eating, let alone gagging. It’s important to rule out medical explanations or food allergies– but once you have, this is most likely either “neophobia” (anxiety caused by fear of trying new things), “food selectivity” (what experts call kids with extreme food preferences and aversions), or both.
The support of a professional is really important here- seek out an occupational therapist or pediatric nutritionist with experience in these areas. In the meantime, consider the “food chaining” technique as explained by pediatric and family nutritionist Megan Boitano:
https://www.meganboitano.com/blog/getting-started-with-food-chaining-guide-picky-eaters
There are no quick fixes for kids who have food issues like these. But with patience, empathy, and time, you should see marked improvement in the variety of foods your child will eat. Keep the faith– it’s worth the effort.
Check out this research for more information:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34828737/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17997196/
https://www.meganboitano.com/blog/sensory-food-aversion-refusing-textures
@meganboitano on twitter
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Rachel Nielson of "3 in 30" Podcast on Why Practicing Gratitude Is Worth It
Rachel Nielson is the host of 3 in 30 Takeaways, a podcast for moms who want to love motherhood as much as they love their children. Each 30-minute episode features 3 actionable takeaways to help mothers thrive within their family life.
In this episode, Rachel tells us how the practices of journaling and gratitude have changed her parenting. No, you shouldn't have to "enjoy every moment" of parenting, and it's a ridiculous notion that we should. But Rachel says noticing the "flecks of gold" in our daily lives can actually attune us to finding even more to be grateful for– and as the weight of those flecks accumulate, they can become an anchor to hold us steady during the tougher times.
Rachel's "Flecks of Gold" hardcover linen journal is a beautiful place to begin this practice! Use the code FRESH to get 10% off: https://shop.3in30podcast.com/products/flecks-of-gold-journal-grey
In this episode we mention:
our interview with Amy Koppelman: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/amy-koppelman/
and Postpartum Support International
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality bedding is the ultimate comfort upgrade. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code FRESH to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Magic Spoon gives you great tasting breakfast cereal with the protein your kids need to get through their busy days. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
Olive & June delivers all the manicure tools you need in one box. Visit oliveandjune.com/FRESH and use code FRESH for 20% off. your first mani system.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Does Having Kids Make Us Happy?
The world wants us to believe that having kids will bring us untold happiness. It's a love you've never known! Your life will never be the same! The reality is a little more complicated, and that can be quite confusing. As psychologist Jean Twenge points out, "Parents might believe that it's their fault when the transition to parenthood is difficult, rather than seeing it as something that everyone experiences."
So: does having kids make us happy? Is that even the right question? Is it supposed to? Are the benefits that come from parenting different, and perhaps larger, than happiness?
Here are links to some writing and studies on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Paul Bloom for The Atlantic: What Becoming a Parent Really Does to Your Happiness
Dan Kahneman et al: A survey method for characterizing daily life experience: the day reconstruction method
Roudi Nazarina Roy et al: Effects of Expected and Perceived Division of Childcare and Household Labor on Mother’s Relationship Satisfaction during Their Transition to Parenthood
E.E. LeMasters: Parenthood as Crisis
M. Luhmann et al: Subjective well-being and adaptation to life events: A meta-analysis.
Jay Belsky et al: Patterns of Marital Change across the Transition to Parenthood: Pregnancy to Three Years Postpartum
Jean M. Twenge et al: Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review
Rainer Maria Rilke: “Go To The Limits of Your Longing”
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality bedding is the ultimate comfort upgrade. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code FRESH to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100.
Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Olive & June delivers all the manicure tools you need in one box. Visit oliveandjune.com/FRESH and use code FRESH for 20% off. your first mani system.
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.
School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.
StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - Will I Always Be This Tired?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing parenting question.
Lindsey wrote in to ask: Do kids zap your energy forever? Or are toddlers just especially good at sapping your energy? Looking for hope!
Two pieces of excellent news! Not only will you not always be this tired but it is likely you will actually not even clearly remember how tired you are now!
When your kids are little being under-slept is kind of a constant - but there are some things that you can do to make small improvements. If you can, have a designated day where your partner wakes up with the baby and does everything they can to make sure you get maximum sleep.
Margaret talks about her tradition of "sleep-in Saturdays" when her husband would run point and even try to get the kids out of the house. If you are feeling like you 'never sleep' consider tracking your sleep or your baby's sleep to help get a sense of when you are truly under slept and then try to make your own sleep a priority at those times - even if it means leaving the house a mess or bringing in some extra help.
Some people will tell you that bigger kids mean bigger problems but for many of us bigger kids will mean more sleep! Margaret's tweens are great sleepers now and she offers hope in this episode - there is sleep out there folks! And it gets better.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BEST OF: Dr. Edward Hallowell on the New Science and Essential Strategies for ADHD
Dr. Edward M. Hallowell is one of the world's leading experts on ADHD. Dr. Hallowell's latest book, co-authored with Dr. John J. Ratey, is ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--From Childhood Through Adulthood.
In this interview, first recorded in January 2021, Dr. Hallowell gives us concrete strategies– and tons of optimism– for those lucky enough to possess (or parent) what Dr. Hallowell calls the "Variable Attention Stimulus Trait."
Whether you have a child with ADHD, suspect you might, or even have had some lingering thoughts about your own ability to focus, Dr. Hallowell's cutting-edge research and surprising new strategies will fascinate you.
Grab your copy of ADHD 2.0 from our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780399178733
and connect with Dr. Hallowell: https://drhallowell.com.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients and packaged in grab-and-go pouches. Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live. Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Get a customized quote for your home by visiting http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
SuperBeets heart chews are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Might Seem Crazy. Works for Me.
We asked our listeners to tell us all the things that others might call crazy but which totally work for them.
From packing the laundry to eating the same lunch every day for five years to toothbrushes in the kitchen, these are the ideas that don't sound so crazy, come to think of it.
Following us on Instagram? Join the fun! http://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients and packaged in grab-and-go pouches. Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live. Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Get a customized quote for your home by visiting http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
SuperBeets heart chews are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy - Can I Really Love My Second Child As Much As The First?
It's a common fear for mothers expecting their second child: How can I possibly love this new baby as much as I loved my first? Here's how a listener in our Facebook group put it:
I have a two-year-old and I'm pregnant with my second. I'm having extreme feelings of guilt on how this new baby will disrupt my two-year-old's life. And I'm really worried about how I could possibly love them both equally. From what I have heard feeling this way is normal, but I can't help but feel a little sense of dread when I think about adding a second kid to our family.
Will it lower my standards of parenting?
Will I lose my patience more easily?
Will I love one more than the other?
Will this second baby ruin my relationship with my son?
In this Question of the Week episode, Amy answers these questions: it won't lower your parenting standards, but it will almost certainly change them. And rather than ruining your son's bond with his primary caregiver, it will create an entirely new and separate bond, one that is likely to be among the most long-lasting of his life. There's much to celebrate and look forward to, and even if you can't see it yet, the new baby will bring untold delight to your family's lives. Even your toddler's. Trust us.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Zibby Owens on What Moms Don't Have Time For
Zibby Owens is the creator and host of the podcast Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books, in which Zibby gets her guests to open up about what’s important to them while discussing their favorite books.
Zibby's new anthology of essays, written by 49 past guests on her podcast, is Moms Don’t Have Time to Have Kids: A Timeless Anthology.
In this interview we discuss all the things moms really don't have time for– and how to figure out what's worth *making* time for. Zibby also tells us all about Zibby Books, her new publishing company attempting to reimagine the business of books as a collaborative partnership.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients and packaged in grab-and-go pouches. Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live. Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Get a customized quote for your home by visiting http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
SuperBeets heart chews are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Taking Care Of Our Parents (And Our Kids)
If you’re part of the “sandwich generation”– taking care of your parents and your children at the same time– you’ve got a lot of company. The demographic trends of later parenting and increasing life expectancies mean this double-caretaking will become a reality for a lot more of us. And it seems that this responsibility is falling more often on women: two-thirds of people doing the double caretaking are female.
In this episode, we discuss how caring for parents can be particularly fraught, whether you’re giving them daily insulin shots, or just trying to make sense of their finances every April.
We also discuss the importance of prioritizing our own mental and physical health, even (especially) when there seems to be little time to do so.
Finally, we talk about operating from a place of maximum vulnerability. Realize that you really are doing more than any one person can handle. Get specific about the help you need, and be honest when you’re hitting your limits.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Dorothy A. Miller: The 'sandwich' generation: adult children of the aging
Jessica Grose for NYT: ‘It’s Pretty Brutal’: The Sandwich Generation Pays a Price
Katica Roy for Fast Company: I’m a breadwinner mom and this is why helping women in the sandwich generation is good for the U.S. economy
Michelle Konstantinovsky for One Medical: The Sandwich Generation: Managing Stress While Caring For Others
Alia E. Dastagir for the Chicago Sun Times: ‘Sandwich generation’ stress: Adults caring for aging parents face stress, frustration
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients and packaged in grab-and-go pouches. Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order.
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live. Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Get a customized quote for your home by visiting http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
SuperBeets heart chews are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Tiffany Jenkins on Mom Anxiety and Keeping It Real
Tiffany Jenkins writes honestly about motherhood, her experience with opioid addiction, recovery, marriage, and life in her blog Juggling the Jenkins. Her memoir High Achiever: The Incredible True Story of One Addict’s Double Life, Jenkins provides an up-close portrait of the mind of an addict and the devastating effects of narcotics. Jenkins uses her platform to help and inspire others who are struggling with motherhood, mental health, addiction, and those who just need a good laugh.
In this episode, we talk about whether being “real” always equates being a hot mess express, Tiffany’s approaches to dealing with anxiety, and how the all-mom audiences Tiffany meets on her “My Name is Not Mom” tour are bringing rock-star levels of enthusiasm.
Find Tiffany Jenkins on Facebook and YouTube
Hear us as guests on Tiffany’s podcast Take it Or Leave It: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-fresh-hell-special-guest-amy-and-margaret/id1434126027?i=1000495262427
And catch Tiffany on tour: https://mynameisnotmom.com/
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live. Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Magic Spoon gives you great tasting breakfast cereal that also has the protein your kids need to get through their busy days. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Get a customized quote for your home by visiting http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
SuperBeets heart chews are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Xocolatti's high quality, delicious chocolates are delivered straight to your door. Go to Xocolatti.com and use the code "MOTHERHOOD" for 15% off.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Things We Hate
Time for a ritual release of pent-up frustration. Think of this episode as a pressure cooker boiling down all things you would like to not think about or do anymore, including:
- school photos
- making appointments
- making dinner
- spirit day
- whistling
- book fairs
- rain boots
In this episode we exorcise those demons, providing a frisson of perspective but mostly our fervent agreement.
Did you know you can go to https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/episodes/ to search our five years' worth of content? Whatever you're struggling with, we've probably got an episode for you.
Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live. Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Magic Spoon gives you great tasting breakfast cereal that also has the protein your kids need to get through their busy days. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Get a customized quote for your home by visiting http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
SuperBeets heart chews are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Xocolatti's high quality, delicious chocolates are delivered straight to your door. Go to Xocolatti.com and use the code "MOTHERHOOD" for 15% off.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Claire Lerner- Why Is My Child In Charge?
Despite all evidence to the contrary, children are not actually out to drive grown-ups insane. But even parents who know better can get triggered when their kids are super-defiant.
Claire Lerner is the author of Why Is My Child in Charge? A Roadmap to End Power Struggles, Increase Cooperation, and Find Joy in Parenting Young Children.
In this episode, Claire explains the eight mindsets of faulty parenting, and the mindshifts that can help us end the power struggles and reconnect with our kids.
Find WHY IS MY CHILD IN CHARGE? in our Bookshop store!
Special thanks to all of our sponsors for this month:
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Magic Spoon gives you great tasting breakfast cereal that also has the protein your kids need to get through their busy days. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Prose makes custom hair supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Visit http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
SuperBeets are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Xocolatti's high quality, delicious chocolates are delivered straight to your door. Go to Xocolatti.com and use the code "MOTHERHOOD" for 15% off.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Why Does Everything Feel Hard Right Now?
Why does re-emerging from our pandemic cocoons continue to feel so difficult? Are we all socially deconditioned?
The third-quarter phenomenon is part of the explanation. For people forced to endure long stretches of isolation– astronauts, Arctic explorers, submarine sailors– the most difficult part, regardless of the length of the assignment, has been proven to be about 75% of the way through, precisely when the end of the assignment first comes into distant focus.
But the end of this assignment has not and will not come into focus. There is no V-Day, no “all clear” foghorn to indicate that what we went through is totally over. And while we had the camaraderie of reunion and survival sparking us all to reconnect outside last year, the longer this goes on, the less enthusiastic we become about ever returning to the way things used to be.
Psychologist Craig Haney, who studies the effect of insolation on incarcerated people, explains that prisoners in solitary confinement “begin to withdraw from the little amount of social contact that they are allowed to have, because social stimulation, over time, becomes anxiety-arousing.”
What most of us are dealing with isn’t half so extreme. But we’re all dealing with it, and that’s the tricky part. In this episode we discuss how to overcome our brains’ innate negativity bias and start to look out for the good.
Check out these other episodes of ours for more discussion on this topic:
EP 200: WHEN CAN WE START SAYING YES?
EP 220: WE THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE OVER BY NOW
Special thanks to all of our sponsors for this month:
Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100.
Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.
Magic Spoon gives you great tasting breakfast cereal that also has the protein your kids need to get through their busy days. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.
MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.
Prose makes custom hair supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.
Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Visit http://somfysystems.com/podcast.
StoryWorth is an online service that helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.
SuperBeets are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - My Kid Acts Out When Their Sibling Has a Friend Over
Have you noticed your child's behavior going all the way downhill when their sibling has a friend over? You may relate to this week's question from our Facebook group:
My kids turn into monsters when their sibling has a friend over. I have a girl and a boy, and they both do this. Other than trying to get the other sibling out of the house, or to have two playdates over at the same time (which is hard with Covid), any tips for quelling this behavior?
A playdate’s mere presence can cause friction between siblings, causing the sibling without a friend to become overly attention- seeking, and the sibling with a playdate to cry, ”Mom! He's annoying us!"
Firmly address expectations before the playdate by saying something like, "We seem to get into a bad dynamic between you two whenever your sister has a friend over. You can all play together, but if there is a problem I will separate you for the rest of the playdate."
Then be thoughtful about how much of the behavior you can actually ignore. Absent serious conflict, let the kids figure it out. Siblings explore a new dynamic with a third party present: who am I to my sister when this other person is around? It’s useful for them to learn, even if listening to it is annoying to us.
Then use the time after the playdate to reflect on what went well–it’s always a good idea to emphasize positive behavior– as well as what did not, and reemphasize your your expectations are going forward.
Margaret cites this article by Amy Morin for Very Well Family in this episode.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Amy Koppelman on "A Mouthful of Air"
While many women experience mild mood changes during or after the birth of a child, 15 to 20% of women experience more significant symptoms of depression or anxiety. But with informed care, you can prevent a worsening of these symptoms and fully recover. If you or someone you love needs help, call Postpartum International: 1.800.944.4773.
In 2003, Amy Koppelman published the novel A Mouthful of Air , a compassionate and wrenching portrait of a new mother torn between the love she feels for her family and the voice in her head that insists they’d be better off without her. Now that novel has become the film A Mouthful of Air, starring Amanda Seyfried and written, directed, and produced by Amy Koppelman. Amy is an outspoken advocate for women’s mental health.
In this episode we discuss postpartum depression as it's reflected in Koppelman's book and film; how treatment for PPD and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders has improved in the last two decades, and why some sufferers still struggle to find support; and why Koppelman hopes this film has a small part in helping us address this silent health crisis.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
5th Anniversary Episode! Our Kids Are Creepy
It's the fifth anniversary of the What Fresh Hell podcast! Thanks for listening, sharing, and being part of the best mom community anywhere.
To celebrate five years of community– and the spooky season that is upon us– this week we're here to talk about the super-creepy parts of life with kids, with a little bit of skepticism and a little bit of "okay, that freaks me out a little."
From phantom cries to sleepwalking to night terrors, our kids are creepy. Perhaps never more so than when they tell us they see their dead great-grandfather sitting next to them in the back seat. Are ghosts real? Some of our kids sure think so... and what do we think? We'll quote child psychologist Jacqueline Wooley: “It’s important to never say never, because it’s the scientific way to be.”
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Rosemary Counter for WaPo On Parenting: Why do so many kids ‘see ghosts’? We asked some psychologists.
moms.com: Doctors Explain Why Moms Hear 'Phantom Cries' Even When Our Kids Are Grown
Clarkson University: Why Do We See Ghosts?
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- My Kid Is Not Great At Apologizing
How do we get kids to view saying "sorry" as more than a get-out-of-jail-free card? This week's question comes from our Facebook page:
I have 5-year-old and 2-year-old boys. My question: how do you help kids around 5 years old understand the meaning of "sorry"? My son will do something wrong– and know it’s wrong before he does it– then immediately say he’s sorry. I try to give him a punishment to help him understand what he did was wrong, but he will still do the action again, then say, “well, I said I was sorry." How do I help him understand the meaning of being sorry so he won’t do the action again?
Not all kids are great at apologies. And grownups sometimes go at this the wrong way too, overemphasizing a perfunctory, mumbled "sorry" from the wrongdoer and then moving on. "That's where the conversation ends," writer Rachael Rifkin says in Today's Parents, "with little if any discussion of what happened, why it was hurtful to the person they’re apologizing to, how they can address the hurt they caused, and what they can do to change their behavior."
Those discussions can't always happen in the moment, while the little brother is still crying and the big brother is probably disregulated as well. Child specialist Ellen Goldsmith says it's always unwise to try to teach our kids when either they're in "red brain," when we're angry ourselves, or when our kids will be embarrassed in front of others. But that doesn't mean the wrongdoer gets off the hook. In the moment, tend to the one who has been wronged. Later that day, go back and talk about it. If the kid says "I said I was sorry," ask them (with genuine curiosity) why they did what they did. Ask them how they think the other person felt. Then ask them what they think they should do next.
When it comes to apologies, elementary school teacher JoEllen Poon has a great 3-step approach that hits all the key points. Help your child complete these three sentences:
1)I’m sorry for...
2)this is wrong because...
3) in the future I will...
A 5-year-old will need some help with this at first, of course. But keep at it and he'll start to really understand what Daniel Tiger said best: saying "sorry" is only the first step.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Stacy Haynes on the Best Method to Help Kids Who Struggle
Dr. Stacy Haynes is a professional counselor specializing in the treatment of social, behavioral and emotional challenges of children. She is also the Director of Inclusion and Equity at Lives in the Balance, a non-profit organization founded by Dr. Ross Greene to provide resources and support to parents, teachers, and caregivers of kids with challenges.
In this interview Stacy explains the "CPS" paradigm (Collaborative and Proactive Solutions) and how she's seen it change outcomes for kids at home, in school, and beyond. As Stacy explains:
"In the CPS model, concerning behavior is viewed as the means by which students communicate that they are having difficulty meeting certain expectations. Behavior is a signal."
Find out more about Stacy's work at:
and find the "Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems" questionnaire here. Use it to start collaboratively problem-solving with your child!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Solo Parenting Seasons and How To Get Through Them
"Solo parenting" isn't the same as single parenting– but when we're in it, it can sure feel pretty intense. Even if our partners are great at pulling their own weight, sooner or later most of us end up in a solo parenting season.
Our listener Michelle emailed us to say:
Can we talk about what parenting looks like when it feels almost single-handed? We all know how ridiculously demanding full-time jobs can be nowadays. Statistics show half of the population work more than 45 hours a week. How can a parent deal with feeling overwhelmed by all the parenting demands that ought to be shared by two parents– because one's partner, not by choice, has to work instead of parent?
It's worth doing the hard work of talking about it and pushing back against the default reality of the "non-integrated spouse." In this episode we discuss
- how to deal with the resentment (pro tip: block the traveling spouse on social media)
- how to lower your expectations during these seasons
- how to push against "solo parenting" as a default setting even when the other parent is actually home
- how asychronous communication can really help
Here are links to some of the things we discuss on this episode:
- @thepaperdart on Instagram
- Sometimes Solo Parent: Dear Husband Who Travels For Work
- Messy Motherhood: The Art of Solo Parenting
- Claire Zulkey for The New York Times: How Parents Who Travel for Work Can Ease the Burden on Their Families
- The Military Mom: Parenting Military Kids During Deployment
and our own episodes:
Fresh Take: Whitnee Hawthorne On Strategies For Working Moms
Changing the Invisible Workload (with guest Eve Rodsky)
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/fresh.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - Is It OK to Brag About My Kid to My Mom Friends?
Childhood is not a competition, but it can feel that way when talk in our mom circles focuses too much on what our kids are achieving. It's fine to be proud of our kids' accomplishments, but if you've ever wondered whether you're oversharing your kids' milestones, you might identify with this week's question, from our Facebook Page:
My toddler has always been pretty ahead of the curve when it comes to milestones, but my friend's kids are usually behind. How can I keep pressure off the friendship when I sense some jealousy? I'd really like to express enthusiasm for my child's growth, but worry that it's unwelcome.
If you are worried your enthusiasm is not being received well, it's probably a good idea to dial it back. When our kids are small, the concept of milestones is emphasized at each pediatrician visit. Is your one-year-old playing peek-a-boo? Is your eighteen-month-old saying four words? Yes, it can be exciting when our kids meet (or beat) those expectations. But children mature at very different rates, and placing too much emphasis on whose child is already exhibiting reading proficiency may cause friction between us and our fellow parents.
Does that mean that you don't get to talk about your kids' greatest hits? No. But it's a good idea to identify the members of your kids "cheering section" (think grandmothers here) who will never tire of hearing about your kids' achievements, and make them your most frequent audience.
And don't forget to be honest with your parent friends, which means sharing all facets of your parenting journey. One mom may have a kid who is a blazing fast reader but who struggles with sleep. Another parent may have a kiddo who just made the travel soccer team but is struggling socially. When we talk honestly with our friends about the ups and downs of parenting, it helps us help each other– and this is never unwelcome.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Shannon Carpenter on Being a Stay-At-Home Dad
Shannon Carpenter has been a stay-at-home dad since 2008, and that on-the-job experience– plus his humor-writing background– makes him the perfect author to have written his new book: THE ULTIMATE STAY-AT-HOME DAD: Your Essential Manual for Being an Awesome Full-Time Father.
Shannon's book is a manual on day-to-day parenting filled with direct and actionable advice sourced from Carpenter’s own life and over 50 stay-at-home dads nationwide.
In this episode, we discuss
- the inaccurate presumptions, both positive and negative, that the world makes about SAHDs
- why SAHDs can have a harder time finding their tribe than moms do (and what to do about it)
- how Shannon and his wife use regular meetings to clear the air and clarify expectations
Get The Ultimate Stay-At-Home Dad in our Bookshop store or wherever you buy books, and follow Shannon at shannoncarpenterauthor.com.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Dermafacs provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell.
Dry Farm Wines is leading the pure Natural Wine movement by sourcing wines according to the world’s strictest criteria. Get an extra bottle in your first box for a penny using at https://dryfarmwines.com/fresh
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/Fresh
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
How Motherhood Changes Us
Becoming a mother changes everything about us. Literally: the very structure of our brain changes during pregnancy, along with our eyeglass description and our shoe size. That most of us become more hypervigilant and more anxious isn't a personal failing– it's a biological imperative. But while the ways motherhood has changed us may be very natural, that doesn't mean those transitions were always easy.
In this episode we discuss how motherhood has changed us, how it's also made us more aware of who we always were, and how giving ourselves grace about those changes has been what has always gotten us through.
Here are links to some research- and a few of our other episodes- that are worth your time on this topic:
Adrienne LaFrance: What Happens to a Woman’s Brain When She Becomes a Mother
Fresh Take: Janice Johnson Dias on Raising Joyful, Change-Making Kids
Fresh Take: Dr. Christine Koh On Building a Family After Adverse Childhood Experiences
Did We Really Do That? (Episode 48)
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Dermafacs provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell.
Dry Farm Wines is leading the pure Natural Wine movement by sourcing wines according to the world’s strictest criteria. Get an extra bottle in your first box for a penny using at https://dryfarmwines.com/fresh
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/Fresh
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- Should I Have My Holiday Shopping *Done* Already?
Do you have friends and loved ones who complete their holiday shopping by October 15 and make you stressed that you haven't even started? You might identify with this week's question:
I feel like you're a voice of reason so I was wondering if you could answer a simple question for me: should I be buying my kids’ Christmas gifts right now? My mother-in-law is insisting on receiving holiday wish lists so that she can shop “while there are still toys on the shelves.” It sounds a bit alarmist to me, but is she right?
Short answer: kind of. There are reasons to believe that holiday shopping is worth starting early in 2021. There are supply chain issues at many stores (although that also complicates early-bird shopping); the USPS has announced an official slowdown; and continued pandemic uncertainty means retailers might not wait until Black Friday to release their best deals. On the other hand, "Buy it all! Buy it now!" sounds suspiciously like something a retailer's publicist might really want you to believe is in your best interest as a consumer.
Our suggestion, if it's something that's available to you: take this opportunity as a Pandemic Reset Win. If you end up buying fewer gifts this year, that might be a good thing.
There's a second issue at play here, and it's how to handle friends, coworkers, and loved ones who are feeling high levels of anxiety and stress and trying really hard to unload some of it onto us. It's called "second-hand anxiety," and it's hard not to be agitated by it. But the anxiety you're feeling really is your mother-in-law's, and not your own. Keeping that in mind will hopefully make it a little easier to keep moments like these in perspective.
For more on second-hand anxiety, read Reina Gattuso's article for Talkspace: What Is Second-Hand Anxiety?
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Kate Bowler on the Truths We Need To Hear
Kate Bowler is an associate professor at Duke's Divinity School. She lives in Durham, North Carolina, with her husband and son. Her new book is No Cure For Being Human (And Other Truths I Need To Hear).
At the age of 35, Kate was blindsided by a Stage Four cancer diagnosis. It forced her to make peace with her limitations in a culture that would rather believe that anything is possible. Kate says that our modern advice industry offers us "exhausting positivity," trying to convince us that we can out-eat, out-learn and out-perform our humanness. But as Kate explains in this interview, she's accepted that her "best life now" is one lived with courage and kindness.
Find NO CURE FOR BEING HUMAN– and books by all the guests on this podcast– in our Bookshop store.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Dermafacs provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell.
Dry Farm Wines is leading the pure Natural Wine movement by sourcing wines according to the world’s strictest criteria. Get an extra bottle in your first box for a penny using at https://dryfarmwines.com/fresh
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/Fresh
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
It's The Little Things
This week we're talking about all the little things that trip us up, confuse us daily, and that we will never, no matter how much we try, get right.
Will we ever ask for directions and then listen to the answer?
Will we ever remember which side is the bread plate and which side is the water glass?
Will we ever mail the birthday card BEFORE the birthdate?
Will we ever receive an incoming call, look at the options, and not panic?
Probably not.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Dermafacs provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell.
Dry Farm Wines is leading the pure Natural Wine movement by sourcing wines according to the world’s strictest criteria. Get an extra bottle in your first box for a penny using at https://dryfarmwines.com/fresh
Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh.
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/Fresh
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - My Kid Won't Stop Interrupting!
All kids interrupt, but for some kids it can become a problem behavior. Some kids struggle to control their impulses, and that can make it difficult for them to wait their turn to speak.
This week a listener asks:
My almost 6-year-old is constantly interrupting us when we are talking to him. Even when we are answering a question that he has asked us! I'm beginning to get frustrated when I'm telling him something important regarding his health or safety. I often can't finish a sentence before he's interjecting, "But Mommy, can I tell you something? This lightsaber here...." Then on he goes with whatever scenario his imagination is playing out or whichever object around him has caught his attention.
I often let him finish his sentence, since not doing so results in a tantrum - he "forgot what he wanted to say" - then I direct him back to the topic after he's finished. But sometimes I don't have the time to banter about Star Wars or Cars because I need to get him information before *I* forget!
Other times, when I insist I finish what I need to say, he will then immediately start talking about his unrelated topic. I'm pretty sure he's heard none of what I've said - which frustrates me even more.
For a kid who struggles with interrupting, try using a "Red Card/Green Card" system. Get (or make!) a small card, coloring one side red and the other side green. When you are speaking, the red side is facing up, and your child is not allowed to speak. When you flip to the green side, it is your child's turn to speak. This does two things: it gives your child a chance to practice taking turns in conversations, and it makes a "third party" (the card) the authority instead of you.
Like all tough behaviors that our kids exhibit, interrupting can be solved. With calm and consistent response on your part, this will get better!
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Whitnee Hawthorne On Strategies For Working Moms
Whitnee Hawthorne is a speaker, an author, and a Fortune 500 executive. She's also a mom of two young children. As the host of the Savvy Working Moms podcast, Whitnee supports and encouraging working moms to become the women they want to be.
In this episode, we discuss
- why "working dad" isn't a term
- why working moms are still "the mom," even with supportive spouses
- the strengths that working women bring to their workplaces
- why men also need to advocate for systemic change in the workplace
- how all moms can choose to find joy
- Whitnee's four-step plan for effective delegation
Get the transcript for this episode on our website: whatfreshhellpodcast.com/whitnee-hawthorne
Find Whitnee on social media @SavvyWorkingMom and on her website: savvyworkingmom.com.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
DERMAFACS provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell.
Dry Farm Wines is leading the pure Natural Wine movement by sourcing wines according to the world’s strictest criteria. Get an extra bottle in your first box for a penny using at https://dryfarmwines.com/fresh
EXPRESSABLE is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at www.expressable.io/fresh
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!
MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/Fresh
.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Getting Kids To Cooperate
Getting kids to cooperate is a challenge at all ages and stages. Here’s how to know when little kids are old enough to kick in, how "connecting before directing" works for older kids, and whether "whistling while they work" might be too much to ask.
How do we get kids to cooperate? Our listener Alison asked:
I would love some insight into engaging the cooperation of my two boys, 5 and almost 3 years old. At what age Is it reasonable to expect them to put away their toys, stay seated for meals, get in the bath without mind games, and get ready for bed in less than 60 minutes? They are capable, but rarely willing, and 8 out of 10 times it's an ordeal. We have routines, we announce transitions in advance, we give them choices and even try to make it fun, but I feel like I am either haranguing them constantly or seething with resentment or both. Do I just accept this is the season of my life? Is cooperation 2 out of 10 times a victory?
Getting kids who are younger than three to "do their share" without a lot of coaxing and singing and clapping is pretty tough. Then when they're about six, kids' "fairness radar" kicks in, and they're much less focused on loading the dishwasher than on complaining about who is not currently helping.
So there are roadblocks to kids' cooperation, to be sure, and in this episode we discuss:
- whether "whistling while they work" might be too much to ask
- how "connecting before directing" works for older kids
- how we can model cooperation and hope our kids get the hint. (It's worth a shot.)
We mention our interview with Michaeleen Doucleff in this episode– you can hear that episode here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/fresh-take-michaeleen-doucleff-on-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans/
Here are links to some other writing and books that we discuss in this episode:
Cameron Kleimo for Motherly: How to get your kids to listen—without yelling
Shelley Phillips for Lifehack: 6 Secrets to Getting Kids to Cooperate
scholastic.com: Ages & Stages: Learning to Cooperate
Terry Orlick: Cooperative Games and Sports
Frank McCourt: Angela's Ashes
Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- My Kid Dumps Out The Toys Right After I Pick Them Up
Got a toy dumper? The way to engage little kids in household cooperativeness is to make it an outgrowth of spending time with you.
Hear more in our "Getting Kids To Cooperate" episode, launching on Wednesday 9/28/21.
This week's question comes from Lindsay via Instagram:
I have a two-year-old who used to love helping me pick up his toys. The mess never got out of control. But ever since he became a big brother a month ago he is really struggling in general. Lately he won't help me pick up his toys, and after I clean them up, he will run over and dump them out and pull books off the bookshelves. I started leaving the mess till the end of the day so I'm not spending all day cleaning, but yesterday he tripped over all his toys and busted his lip open. Any advice on the toy mess and the transition from one to two kids would be great!
You're right to have compassion about the struggle. It's only been a month since your little guy's world got turned upside down. Your life will get a little easier as the baby becomes more interesting to your toddler.
In the meantime, you do want to clamp down on the toy-dumping. But a two-year-old is too young to clean up out of a magnanimous sense of the greater good. And if you give it too much attention– even negative attention– the unwanted behavior may escalate.
In this episode, Amy gives suggestions for making the cleanup and organization of the play room as special time with Mommy– a time in which the infant sibling is far, far too immature to participate. She also gives ideas on restructuring a playroom to be more like a preschool classroom. Rotating out many of the toys will give your toddler less to dump out– and you may find that at playtime, he's even more absorbed with what he does have to play with.
Dealing with a newborn *and* a toddler at home? Listen to "Surviving a Toddler And A Newborn" for tons of great listener-sourced advice!
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Pooja Lakshmin on Burnout and Mom Guilt
Want to read the transcript for this episode? Find it here on our website.
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, MD is a psychiatrist and author specializing in women's mental health. She is a frequent contributor to The New York Times and the founder of Gemma, the first digital education platform dedicated exclusively to women’s mental health. Dr. Lakshmin is most passionate about empowering women and sees her clinical work as a perinatal psychiatrist as an extension of this mission.
In this episode we discuss mom guilt, stress, self-care, the anxiety of this ongoing pandemic moment, and how we can reclaim ourselves amidst it all.
Get Gemma's latest course- Dealing with Mom Guilt, Marytr-Mode, and Perfectionism-here: https://gemmawomen.com/unloadmomguilt
You can find Pooja on Instagram @womensmentalhealthdoc and at her website: poojalakshmin.com.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
A Room Of Our Own: Claiming the Space We Need
Almost one hundred years ago, the writer Virginia Woolf famously declared that a woman needed "a room of her own" in order to do important work– and that the lack (at that time) of a long history of important work by women could be attributed to the historical lack of that space, both physical and mental.
18 months into a pandemic, with classrooms still switching back to remote learning, and with spouses musing that they kind of like working from home, a lot of us are feeling the effects of Not Enough Space.
In this episode, we discuss why women's work and spaces are often considered the most flexible; why we sometimes don't set boundaries for the time and space we'd really like; and how to go about reclaiming it. We will probably have to keep asking, but the work is worth it. We love this quote by sociologist Scarlett Brown, written before the pandemic ever existed:
"It will require a much bigger cultural shift to change society in a way that doesn’t encourage men to occupy, while women accommodate. But allowing women a physical space simply to exist in without it being encroached upon can make a real difference."
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - My Spouse and I Disagree About House Rules
Couples disagree on a lot of things, but disagreements about parenting can cause problems in our marriages, and can make raising kids even more challenging than it already is.
Amy says that when she and her spouse disagree about how to handle a parenting moment, they try to return to the motto "Same Team." Being fellow team members is a good way to think about it. Team members don't have to do things the same way -- but what they do is work together towards a common goal.
Another way to address such disagreements is to use Nick North's ranking system for communicating with your partner about the importance of your personal needs and preferences. When we increasing our communication about which of the rules of the household we can be flexible about– and which are non-negotiable to us– we get closer to achieving our overall goal: to lessen the conflicts in our households.
Margaret cites this article in this episode.
Here are some other WFH episodes that deal with this topic:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/parenting-as-a-team/
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/making-it-work-for-the-long-haul-with-guest-belinda-luscombe/
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/is-this-battle-worth-fighting/
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dr. Danielle Dick on "The Child Code"
Dr. Danielle Dick is an internationally recognized expert on genetic and environmental influences on human behavior. Her new book is THE CHILD CODE: Understanding Your Child's Unique Nature for Happier, More Effective Parenting, which offers a science-based approach to parenting centered on a child’s unique genetic “code."
In this Fresh Take interview, Danielle explains how understanding our child's unique genetic tendencies helps us parent that child more effectively. Our children’s genes lay the foundation for their dispositions, and they influence the way our children move through the world. By working with our children's genetic dispositions, we can support our children's strengths and help them navigate their challenges.
Turns out the key to raising successful adults isn’t to try harder to mold our children, but rather to adapt our parenting strategies to the way our children are wired, and raise them o be who they were literally born to be.
Find THE CHILD CODE in our Bookshop store or on Amazon.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Yep, That Was So Me
What's your "wow, that was so me” story? What is something you did as a kid that exemplifies exactly who you are now?
Amy was taking charge at grownup parties as a six-year-old.
Margaret was getting her comedy censored in grade school.
Neither of these things, in retrospect, seem 1% surprising.
In this episode, we discuss some of our listeners' hilarious recollections of their younger selves, plus a few stories of our own– and a few more about our kids, who have also displayed their personalities early and often.
Whether you were a Halloween-candy-counter or a neighborhood Encyclopedia Brown, you'll probably recognize your younger self in this episode!
Are you listening to Toddler Purgatory? Our friends Molly and Blaire bring the hilarity and truth to discussions of life with kids six and under. Check it out: toddlerpurgatory.com.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy - How Can I Tell When My Kid Is Overtired?
There's a fine line between tired and overtired, and sometimes the right bedtime exit becomes clear only once you've blown right past it. A member of our Facebook group asked:
How do I tell the difference between overtired and just plain not tired? In other words, is my toddler not settling to sleep because I’m putting him down too early or too late?
Some of the main symptoms of overtiredness are hyperactivity, irritability, and clinginess– caused by a sudden rush of adrenalin. Here's how The Sleepy Company explains overtiredness:
Your toddler's body goes from from the state of being ready for sleep to an "alert and active" state. The body can no longer cope with its fatigue and activates a stress response, pumping adrenalin and cortisol (the hormone that keeps us awake and alert) into the body. This interferes with the normal release of melatonin (the hormone that makes us drowsy), causing irritability and hyperactive behavior.
You can be a detective about how your own kid manifests overtiredness so you get better at catching the right window– but in this episode, Amy suggests what may be an easier and more effective long-term approach. Consistency around bedtime– both the routines, and the time at which it occurs– takes the guesswork out of "is my kid ready for bed?", both for yourself and for your little one.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Kate Anthony on Doing Divorce Right
Kate Anthony is the host of the critically acclaimed and New York Times recommended podcast The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast and the creator of the online coaching program Should I Stay or Should I Go? which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work.
In this episode, we discuss
- what should go into decision-making about whether to stay or to go
- how divorce can be amicable, even if the breakup (or the marriage) was not
- whether "conscious uncoupling" is actually achievable
- how to put kids at the center of our co-parenting (but not in the middle)
- when to start dating post-divorce (and when to let them meet the kids)
You can find Kate at www.kateanthony.com and on Facebook and Instagram.
You can Subscribe to The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast on iTunes here, and join her private Facebook group here.
Have you checked out our merch yet? T-shirts, hoodies, notebooks and more: bit.ly/whatfreshmerch.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Let's Rethink Birthday Parties
Have we utterly lost the script when it comes to kids' birthday parties? Or are the backyard tents and petting zoos and themed catering lots of fun, and that's all that matters? Is there anything to be gained by simplifying the expectations, the gift-giving, and the goodie bags?
In this episode we tease out what feels important about our kids' birthday celebrations from what can probably be put aside– and offer ideas for parties that are super-fun without breaking the bank.
Have you checked out our merch yet? T-shirts, hoodies, notebooks and more: bit.ly/whatfreshmerch.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - My Kid Doesn't Want to Spend Time With Friends
As parents, the thing we want most is for our children to be happy. When we see one of our kids spending a lot of time alone, and struggling with friendship,s it's natural to worry. But it's also important to resist the urge to swoop in and attempt to solve those problems.
If a child seems depressed or extremely isolated, it is time to involve a therapist. But if a kid is going through a spell where they are struggling in more typical ways– especially in the middle or high school years– try to remember:
- to keep your own emotions out of it. Don't dive in to your own reactivity.
- not to ask a ton of questions, or offer "helpful observations" which might make your struggling kid feel singled out.
- to set your kid up for success by being a safe space for them to share information. Make family meal times and outings a non-negotiable routine. They're an opportunity for you to share your perspective and advice about friendships in general without putting your kid in the hot seat.
Especially in times of turmoil, be the island of safety from which your kids can navigate the rough waters of growing up. All kids will face tough times in their friendships, but they need our grown-up guidance more than they need us to take control.
Margaret quotes this article in this episode:
Barb Steinberg for Your Teen Mag: My Teenage Daughter Has No Friends
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BEST OF: Husband Crimes- Can This Marriage Be Saved?
It's a "Best Of" episode– and one of our all-time funniest. We asked our listeners to tell us their spouse/partner's most unacceptable- and also extremely minor- infractions. We got 356 responses.
Whether it’s turning off the AC because of a nonexistent "cross breeze," creating a Sock Mountain, or pausing Netflix to point out plot holes, these husband (and wife) crimes are outrages which deserve justice.
Join the fun in our Facebook group!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Rule Breaker Or Rule Follower: Which Are You?
Are you a rule breaker or a rule follower? Are you married to your opposite? We're both rule followers, and when one builds a life with someone who sees the "NO DOGS IN THE LAKE" sign as an invitation to let the golden retriever go for a swim, one is caught between two bad choices: swallow the horrible anxiety that others might think *you* are the sort of person who has zero consideration for clearly posted signage, or be the stick in the mud who can never loosen up a little.
In this episode we discuss why both kinds of people exist, and bump up against each other– and
- why the "no rules pool" isn't as fun as it sounds
- how rules limit possibilities, good and bad
- why humans tend to create more rules during and after times of struggle
- whether kids are born to be rule followers
It's worth the struggle to find the balance for our families. In order for our kids to have the secret thrill of breaking a rule, there need to be a few rules there in the first place.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Michele Gelfand: Rule Makers, Rule Breakers: How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire Our World
jthreenme: Raising a Rule Follower When You're Married To a Rule Breaker
Diane Spear: Play By the Relationship Rules!
Michele Gelfand for The Guardian: Why countries with 'loose', rule-breaking cultures have been hit harder by Covid
Wikipedia: Rumspringa
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood.
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- Is My Kid *Trying* To Be This Difficult?
Sometimes it seems like our kids are actually out to make our relationships with them worse. This week's question comes from our Facebook group:
I think my 9-year-old is "soiling the nest." Is it normal at his age to try to get me to hate him?
"Soiling the nest" is a term psychologists usually apply to kids about to leave home for college. Rather than deal with their ambivalence about leaving their childhood home, they "trash" it, making the departure easier. Basically, it's a "this place sucks anyhow!" attitude that is self-fulfilling.
A 9-year-old is probably not doing this, exactly, but he could definitely be dealing with some anxiety about pandemic school, soccer tryouts, or other things that are less immediately obvious.
Or maybe he's just being 9. Dr. Arnold Gesell's child development theory posits that children develop in a cyclical, spiral pattern, from periods of calm equilibrium to unsettled disequilibrium and back again. These sequences are similar and predictable for all kids, and although each develops at her own pace, the Center for Parenting Education says that "nine-year-olds seem to exhibit many worries and anxieties, and become more demanding as they cycle once again into disequilibrium."
Knowing this is a phase, and that your child will return to his calmer, happier version of himself in about a year, can make dealing with the present nest-spoiling moment a little easier. It doesn't mean you don't ever push back on the back talk. But he'll probably grow out of it on his own very soon.
For more on Gesell's theories and how it played out in her family, check out Amy's book When Did I Get Like This?
Here are two articles on the topic that Amy cites in this episode:
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Christina Hillsberg on How Being a Spy Prepared Her For Parenting
Christina Hillsberg is a former spy who worked at the CIA for more than twenty years before transitioning to the private sector. Her new book is LICENSE TO PARENT: How My Career as a Spy Helped Me Raise Resourceful, Self-Sufficient Kids, which provides both an inside look into one of the world’s most clandestine organizations, and a practical guide for how to utilize key spy tactics to teach kids important life skills.
Christina believes teaching our kids the skills they need to navigate through life will make them more confident, well-rounded, and capable grownups. In this episode, we discuss some of the CIA's tenets of training and how we can apply them to our everyday lives as parents.
Find LICENSE TO PARENT here in our Bookshop store!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Stitch Fix Kids is here to ease the stress of shopping for kids' clothes! Go to stitchfix.com/kids/laughing and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
The Best Mom Lies Ever
Some people say parents should never lie to their kids. We are not those people.
We asked our listeners to tell us all the lies that totally worked for their kids– or worked on them when they were kids. Whether it's the ice cream truck's jingle indicating they're fresh out, the goldfish who was "just sleeping," or the unfortunate catastrophic fire at the macaroni and cheese factory, these are all the mom fibs you want in your repertoire.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Stitch Fix Kids is here to ease the stress of shopping for kids' clothes! Go to stitchfix.com/kids/laughing and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - Handling Tough School Drop-Offs
When school drop-off is tough it can ruin the whole day. The feeling of walking away and leaving a sobbing kiddo at pre-school is just plain awful, but the reality is that most kids are happily playing 15 minutes later.
This week a listener asks:
Any tips for preschool drop off when kiddo gets shy/nervous and then refuses to go in? Our little one occasionally gave us a hard time at preschool drop offs pre-covid and with pre-k starting in a few weeks I want to have a whole tool box ready of things to try help those first few drop offs run smoothly.
There's no go-to solution for making drop-offs tear-free. This situation is more in the "observe and adapt" category because you have to see how it's going, what's wrong and which parts of it can be fixed.
The best thing to do about tough school drop-offs is to keep them in perspective. Remember that these events are not creating permanent emotional scars - rather they are phases where a child is working out their complicated feelings about separating from you.
Still there are some adjustments you can make to help make the morning drop off routine consistent:
- make sure your child gets a good night sleep
- get up early enough that the morning isn't chaotic and rushed (I know - it's hard - but it's worth it)
- feed your child a good breakfast
- create a consistent drop off routine
If you are doing all of these things and still struggling at drop-off, try working with your number one drop off ally - your child's teacher or daycare provider. Find out how long the tears are lasting after you leave (a teacher may be willing to text you to let you know when your kid is over their tears and enjoying their day) and strategize about how to make things run more smoothly (some kids may do well with a little extra time with mom or dad; some kids may need the "drop and dash" approach).
But most of all keep in mind that this too shall pass - your child is gaining important independence and you'll get through it too - we promise.
Margaret cites this article in this week's episode: Crying at Drop-Off
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Annie Murphy Paul on The Extended Mind
“Use your head.” That’s what we tell ourselves when facing a tricky problem or a difficult project. But a growing body of research indicates that we’ve got it exactly backwards. What we need to do, says acclaimed science writer Annie Murphy Paul, is think outside the brain.
In this "Fresh Take" interview we discuss how we can use "extra-neural" resources like gestures, body movements, and the simple act of getting outside to help both ourselves and our kids focus and learn.
To find out more, check out anniemurphypaul.com
Twitter: @anniemurphypaul
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Competition: How Much Is Good For Our Kids?
Does competition have benefits? What level of competition is healthy for our kids? Many of us agree that the stereotypical dad yelling through the fence at T-Ball is taking things a little too seriously. But others say that participation trophies teach our kids to be lazy and therefore represent the ultimate downfall of our civilization. How do we balance teaching the eye of the tiger with just letting our kids play?
In this episode we get to the bottom of why some people are more competitive than others, what the right age is for kids to start learning the lessons of losing, and how competition (when it's done right) can actually teach cooperation and self-regulation.
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
- 'Shirtless Tongan' Pita Taufatofua makes Olympic history
- Evolution of competitiveness: Scientists explain diversity in competitiveness
- Byron Heath on Kerri Strug
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Stitch Fix Kids is here to ease the stress of shopping for kids' clothes! Go to stitchfix.com/kids/laughing and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Ashley Brown on Routines That Work
Ashley Brown is the founder and owner of Routine and Things, a product-based business equipping women to consistently live their happiest lives, one routine at a time. She also hosts the Routine and Things Podcast, a space to learn and become inspired on all things routine. Ashley strongly believes routines are a form of wellness and a pathway to a happier, less stressful life as a parent. We discuss Ashley's five areas of focus for routines, why planning routines *is* a routine for Ashley, and how it all works to make more room for what matters to you.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Stitch Fix Kids is here to ease the stress of shopping for kids' clothes! Go to stitchfix.com/kids/laughing and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
We Thought This Would Be Over By Now
As the *third* school year affected by the pandemic begins (or approaches, depending on where you live), many of us are overcome with frustration. We thought this would be over by now. And yes, this pandemic has Lucy-with-the-football'ed us before. But in our Charlie Brown-like innocence, we really, really believed the pandemic was leaving for good this time.
But the Delta variant had other plans. As did the extremely polar responses to masks and vaccines. It appears that while we might be done with Covid, Covid is not done with us.
Here's how we're currently managing risk for the unvaccinated kids– and vaccinated teens and grownups– in our lives. There are no easy answers, but if we keep in mind that the enemy is the virus (and not one another) we might be able to meet our common goal at least a little sooner.
Another detail to consider, this one coming out after we recorded this episode: according to the CDC, pediatric COVID-19-related hospital admissions in the U.S. have now seen their steepest and most significant increase since the onset of the pandemic.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Stitch Fix Kids is here to ease the stress of shopping for kids' clothes! Go to stitchfix.com/kids/laughing and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - Can I Say "No Gifts" For My Kid's Birthday?
Birthday parties are terrific but gifts can be a drag. Buying gifts for kids' parties can be an expensive hassle, and your kid receiving gifts can mean more plastic stuff she doesn't need or even really want. But is it possible to say "no gifts" for your kid's birthday?
This week's question comes from Facebook, where Katie asks:
What are your thoughts on putting a request for "no gifts" on children's party invitations? I know Emily Post considers it a major faux pas, but my inclination is that the rules can be relaxed for 4-year-olds (and their busy, perpetually stressed, pandemic-induced socially anxious parents).
You can say "no gifts" for your child's birthday, although four may be a little young. You'll get better results if you get some serious buy-in from your child on a reason for going gift-free. Consider encouraging your child to find a cause or organization they would like to support– like a local animal shelter. Ask party guests to bring either a gift for your child or a donation for the shelter (like dog food). Then your child can go with you to the animal shelter to see the donations being put to good use. It's a great lesson for kids– to enjoy getting gifts while also sharing with others. Eventually your child may decide that they enjoy helping the causes they care about even more than getting gifts for themselves.
You can also talk to your kids about the environmental impact of plastic toys and help them see that getting fewer gifts is better for the Earth.
When it comes to bringing gifts to other kids' parties, you don't get a vote. If the invitation doesn't specify "no gifts," you should bring one, although you can decide to make those gifts simple and non-plastic if you desire– Margaret stocks up on gift cards to her local bookstore for those occasions.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Amanda Knox on Feeling Lost and Finding Hope
Amanda Knox is an exoneree, journalist, public speaker, and author of the New York Times best-selling memoir Waiting to Be Heard. Between 2007 and 2015, she spent nearly four years in an Italian prison and eight years on trial for a murder she didn’t commit. Since then, Amanda has written extensively about criminal justice reform.
With her husband Christopher, Amanda hosts the Labyrinths podcast, in which they interview people about the times in their lives that they've felt most lost. Their most recent season is about the maze of infertility that many couples find themselves in, including Amanda and Christopher's own journey.
In this "Fresh Take" interview, we talk to Amanda about the profound loneliness of our personal struggles; how she held on to "the hope that was available" even in her saddest times; and how we can be present for others going through extraordinary times, even if we can't be in their labyrinths with them.
Special note: since we recorded this episode, Amanda has announced her pregnancy after a miscarriage earlier this year. Congratulations, Amanda and Christopher!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Highly Sensitive (and Under-Sensitive) Kids
When a parent first hears about highly sensitive kids– or their opposite, sensory seekers– it can provide a profound moment of recognition, of connecting the dots for things about our kids that up until now have baffled us.
We think understanding these sensory tendencies can help us parent our kids more effectively and compassionately. Not every kid who shows hyper- or hypo-sensitivity will go on to require occupational therapy, struggle in school, or anything else. But as childmind.org explains, ""These problems can be tough on kids, and get in the way of them functioning effectively, learning, and making friends."
Every kid who displays these behaviors and preferences can benefit from a parent who understands and can therefore effectively support and address for the otherwise confusing behaviors that might ensue. We don't have to accommodate every dictate of an extremely picky eater, or messy playroom caused by a sensory seeker– but it's worth exploring, because it can really help us as parents to understand where these things might be coming from.
Here are links to some helpful writing on this topic:
this image from Miracle Maker Mom
childmind.org: Sensory Processing FAQ
Amanda Morin for understood.org: Sensory seeking and sensory avoiding: What you need to know
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.
Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing.
Stitch Fix Kids is here to ease the stress of shopping for kids' clothes! Go to stitchfix.com/kids/laughing and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Some other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- When The Other Kid Wants To Play But Yours Doesn't
This week's question came from Instagram:
What do you do when another parent wants to set up a playdate with your kid, but you know your kid doesn't want to play with them? Nothing harmful in the past- just kids who knew each other but don't have anything in common anymore. It seems rude to say my kid doesn't want to, but... my kid doesn't want to. Making scheduling excuses only goes so far...
Most parents have been on both sides of this– trying to make friend connections on behalf of our own kid, who is feeling left out, and fielding "but he's so ANNOYING!" from that same child, feeling suddenly less than gracious to a friend they used to like perfectly fine.
While there are no one-size-fits-all answers for this situation, Amy gives her been there, done that advice– including the notion that spending a little time with someone who's not our absolute favorite might be a life lesson worth learning.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Lenore Skenazy on Free-Range Kids and How To "Let Grow"
Lenore Skenazy is the author of Free-range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow, the hugely influential parenting bestseller with a newly released second edition. The free-range movement really got started 12 years ago after Lenore's newspaper column “Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone” created a media firestorm. Now Lenore is co-founder and president of Let Grow, the national nonprofit promoting childhood independence.
In this "Fresh Take" interview we discuss the "back in our day" style of play we grew up with, and why having a free-range kid these days is more complicated than clearing their schedule and opening your back door. We talk about the crucial role of free play with kids of various ages in our children's development, and how to foster that idea in our schools and neighborhoods. Lenore is full of wit and insight, and you'll feel empowered to "let go and let grow" after listening to this episode!
To find out more, check out letgrow.org, and follow Free-Range Kids and Let Grow on social media:
Twitter: @freerangekids, @letgroworg
Facebook: @Free-Range Kids Book, @Let Grow, @Raising Independent Kids, @Lenore Skenazy
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Some other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Am I Making This Harder Than It Needs To Be?
Why are some things hard for us but not our partners or our friends? Do we make things harder than they need to be? Or are some things, like picking up the phone and talking to a stranger to order pizza, just stupidly difficult for everyone?
We asked our listeners: What seems harder to you than it needs to be? What's something you struggle with that you suspect you might be making a little more complicated than it needs to be?
In this episode we discuss all the things that are perhaps overly hard for at least one of us, like
- packing for trips
- back-to-school shopping
- having people over
- cleaning out the car
- making new friends
Is there hope? Can we learn anything from our friends for whom these same things are not at all hard? Listen and find out!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh.
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Some other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - What Do I Do About My Kid's Poor Hygiene?
Our kids may be adorable and fresh-smelling when they are little, but somewhere along the way (thanks puberty!) they transform into oily stink-monsters.
Once our kids reach a certain age, keeping up with our kids' hygiene feels like it shouldn't be a parent's job. But if we give up all oversight, some kids might walk around with bad teeth and frightening body odor.
Most kids are capable of managing their own self-care, but they need to be taught the proper way to
- wash themselves
- brush their teeth
- take care of their skin
- apply deodorant
Don't skip the step of really sitting your kids down and explaining HOW to do all of these things.
If your kids are having trouble keeping up with their hygiene routines, or you find yourself constantly reminding them to brush their teeth or shower, consider making a schedule so these routines can happen without your involvement. If Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday are shower days then you don't have to constantly discuss whether or not your kid needs to shower. They just do, 'cause it's Tuesday. If teeth need to be brushed before kids come down in the morning, you don't have to nag them about whether or not it's happened. If they show up downstairs with funky teeth and bad breath, they already know they'll be going back upstairs.
Putting rules and expectations around hygiene may be a little more work in the beginning, but in the long term it will truly help establish your ultimate goal: kids who can manage their own self-care.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Nikki Weiner on What's Changed in College Admissions
Nikki Weiner is the founder of Building Bold, and has served as a guest speaker in the U.S. and abroad on writing and the college admissions landscape. Nikki’s ultimate goal is to provide students with the tools to thrive through the admission process and beyond to reach their full potential.
She tells Amy what's changed in the college admissions landscape– and it's a lot. Is test-optional here to stay? Why are so many schools suddenly so much harder to get into? What makes an application stand out? How can a student and her parent get through this process and still like each other on the other side?
Whether you're going through the admissions process, are about to, or just wonder how it's all changed since you applied, you'll love this informative and reassuring explanation of how to navigate today's college admissions process.
Follow Building Bold @buildingbold on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, or at buildingboldstudents.com.
Nikki and Amy both recommend the blog written by Jeff Schiffman, Director of Admissions at Tulane, in this episode. Coincidentally, this blog had its final post just last week, but its advice remains extremely useful: http://tuadmissionjeff.blogspot.com/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Handling the News With Our Kids
The news is hard for anyone to escape these days– and that includes our kids. Even the littlest ones might see a stray notification on a parent's phone, or overhear something scary from a television that was left on. A lot of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. But if we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information.
We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids?
NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary
Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know. Please Don't Tell Me
Common Sense Media: Best News Sources for Kids
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Some other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Bobby Wonder is a kids' podcast from GoKidGo that the whole family can enjoy. Bobby Wonder is a typical guy who just found out he's from another planet. If your kid also loves to laugh, save the world, and eat waffles, subscribe or follow "Bobby Wonder" wherever you're listening right now.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- My Kid Loses Everything!
All kids lose stuff sometimes. Some kids lose stuff all the time. Sometimes it's ADHD or general inattention. Sometimes it's just a slower development of executive function. No matter what, it's frustrating (and expensive). What's a parent to do?
A member of our Facebook group asked:
Any suggestions for the kid who loses everything? My son is 9. He lost three sweatshirts in the two months he was in in-person school, a tennis racquet at tennis camp, baseball glove at baseball practice, shin guards at soccer camp… and don’t even get me started on water bottles!
The “lost and found” turned up one of the many things he has lost, but that is it. He swears each time that he put the things in his bag. Unless, there is a sweaty shin guard thief, this obviously is untrue.
We’ve tried charts and check lists. We’ve tried making him earn the replacement items, but nothing seems to stop the constant misplacing of items. HELP!
For the truly forgetful kids, the oft-cited "natural consequences"– if he doesn't have his shin guards, he won't be able to play, and he'll sure remember next time!– rarely work. Your child will feel chagrined, but be just as likely to forget the next time.
In this episode Amy suggests what has worked in her household, like
- making reminders unmissable (put the reminder ON the doorknob, not hanging above it)
- labeling everything that costs more than the label would (Amy uses oliverslabels.com)
- use list-making apps and model using them yourself (Amy uses Workflowy)
and check out Carolyn Dalgliesh's ideas for helping forgetful kids get organized: http://www.carolyndalgliesh.com/
Kids do well if they can. Don’t give up on the checklists and the reminders if they don’t work right away. Keep your support system consistent– and non-shaming– and eventually your child will check for those shin guards before he leaves the field.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Heidi Murkoff on Maternal Health (And What We Can Do To Protect It)
Heidi Murkoff is a mother, a grandmother, and the author of the legendary What to Expect When You’re Expecting, with more than 19 million copies in print.
Heidi is also the creator of the What to Expect Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping all moms expect healthy pregnancies, safe deliveries, and healthy babies.
In this interview we discuss maternal health for all women– and the clear and present need for improved maternal health care both in the U.S. and globally.
An easy way to help raise awareness: July 21 is Bump Day! Tag your "bump" (past or present) on social media with the hashtag #bumpday and tag @whattoexpect.
To find out more about the What To Expect Project and how you can get involved, go to https://www.whattoexpectproject.org/resources.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Best Advice We'd Give Our Younger Selves
Youth is wasted on the young. We wasted our youth taking the wrong classes in college and layering imaginary agendas onto other people's dopey behavior. Sound familiar? We asked our listeners:
If you could time travel, what advice would you give your younger self?
Here's the best advice we all learned from doing things the wrong way!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - What To Do When Kids Say They're Bored
One of the most important lessons from the pandemic may be "It is OK for kids to be bored".
A lot of parents fear boredom because of the whining and complaining that comes along with it - but in this episode Margaret argues that one thing we learned from all of our downtime during the pandemic is that there IS something on the other side of boredom.
Resist the urge to become the "cruise director" all summer long. Structure the day in loose blocks (yes - you can use your white board!) such as:
- Clearly defined screen times
- Clean-up time
- Reading time
- Kids choice (but no screens)
- Movie afternoon
- Family book club
- Kids only sports
- Board game time (kids only)
- Board game time with an adult
- Outdoor time (yes - even it is raining!)
- Parent/Kid time (a time when parents are fully involved and active in their kids' play)
- Bucket list activity (a fun activity that your child or your family has chosen - i.e. 'make Harry Potter chocolate frogs')
It doesn't matter what these times are but these kinds of categories will make it easier to "fill" the day without always listening to complaining about boredom - or having mom being always in charge of "what's next". When mom's presence is requested you can point out out that you are busy right now - but you will see your kids at "Family Sports Time" (for example)
You'll be sure to have a couple of exciting fun-filled days (like beach days or pool outings or a planned vacation) and that will break up the monotony of less-planned days but don't fear those "boring" days! Lean in to the boredom a bit and see what your kids discover!
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Olivia Martinez-Hauge on Special Needs Parenting
Olivia Martinez-Hauge is a marriage and family therapist specializing in the treatment of families, couples, and individuals who are caregiving for children or adults with neurodiversity. She is also a licensed occupational therapist with over two decades of experience helping children and their families.
She is also a mother of three children, two with neurodiversity.
In this "Fresh Take" interview, Olivia explains
- the grief and isolation that might come with special needs parenting
- her own journey moving past those emotions by parenting "from a place of present"
- the team of support that a parent of a special needs child needs
- how we can change our friend groups, schools, and societies to be more supportive of families with children who have special needs
Whether you're a parent of a special needs or neurodiverse child, or just want to be a better friend to someone who is, you'll learn so much from this interview.
Find out more about Olivia and her work at The Center for Connection and Neurodiversity here: https://www.thecenterforconnection.org/
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Super-Awesome Mom Hacks
Time for some easy wins! Here of some of our (and our listeners') favorite hacks for
- naptime
- diapers
- laundry
- kitchen
- sibling squabbles
and General Sanity Preservation. This stuff really works!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
BEST OF: What Kind of Monster?
It's a "Best Of" episode that launched a movement: What Kind Of Monster? Or #WKOM, as the Fresh Hellions in our Facebook group call it.
Our highest calling here at What Fresh Hell is to serve as a safe space for our listeners to tell us what really, truly drives them up the wall. What kind of monster listens to videos on speaker? Keeps the keyboard clicks on their phone? What kind of monster takes up two parking spots? Puts empty cereal boxes back in the cabinet?
(Disclaimer: there is a monster in the mirror, as well. But we're not talking about that today so much... or ever.)
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store!
Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping!
Italic is a new kind of everything store. They offer quality goods from the same manufacturers as leading brands for up to 80% less. Sign up for an Italic membership at italic.com/join and use code WHATFRESHHELL for 30% off.
Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Birth Order: Can We Fight It?
We see birth order play out pretty clearly, both in our own families and in our families of origin. But is it a bad thing? Is it a thing to fight back against? Is there a way to make the older child less stressed, and the baby maybe a little *more* motivated? And is it a problem if our own birth order has shaped who we are as adults and how we parent?
We think the answer is: not really. These stereotypes are so ingrained because the effects of birth order are real. But that's not to say the things that result are all negative, or completely determinative, or that your middle kid is doomed to a life of unhappiness just because she was unlucky enough to get a younger sibling.
Still, awareness of the effects of birth order seems important, if only to catch ourselves when we're inadvertently reinforcing those roles. That's when we can give the youngest a little more responsibility, the oldest a little less– and let the middle kid pick what’s for dinner once in a while.
Interested in hearing more? Check out two of our past episodes:
"Birth Order- Parenting Each Child Best (More or Less)"
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret- When Is It Okay For Kids To Keep Secrets?
We sometimes feel nothing should be kept secret between us and our children, but that's not really true. We do need to talk often with our kids about the difference between inappropriate secrets (an adult asking them to keep something secret from their parents) and appropriate ones (the present we are hiding in the garage for Dad's birthday).
Today's question comes from our Facebook group:
How do teach kids when to keep secrets? Like not telling other kids about Santa, or how babies are made? Or how twhen not to talk about a topic, like puberty, with others?
Conversations about secrets should be ongoing. What is the difference between tattling and telling? When is it appropriate to keep a friend's confidence? What if you know a friend is in trouble, but you've been asked to keep it secret? Your child will likely need help navigating these types of dilemmas throughout their childhood.
One way to make this easier is to define a spectrum of secret-keeping. On side are secrets that are always inappropriate:
- Adults asking you to do things that make you uncomfortable, and to keep that from your parents
- Friends doing things that worry or scare you, and telling you not to tell anyone
On the other side are secrets that are always OK:
- Surprises (We're taking Mom on a trip for her birthday next week but don't tell her yet)
- Keeping magic alive for younger kids (Not telling little kids there is no Santa)
- Private Things (Things that are going on with your body that are private)
Neither of these categories is absolute, which is why an ongoing dialogue is important. Help kids think about different types of secrets they might be asked to keep in advance. Talk with other family members and caregivers about the language used around secrets. Discourage grandparents from saying things like "This is a secret! Don't tell Mom!" when they take the kids out for treats.
Check out our earlier episode on secrets here:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/when-should-kids-tell/
In this episode Margaret references this link from Fatherly.com:
https://www.fatherly.com/parenting/how-to-teach-a-kid-to-keep-a-secret/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Dawn Huebner on Sibling Rivalry (And What Parents Usually Do Wrong)
Dr. Dawn Huebner is a psychologist, parent coach, and the author of 10 books for children, most of which we have on our bookshelves at home. Her new book is The Sibling Survival Guide: Surefire Ways to Solve Conflicts, Reduce Rivalry, and Have More Fun with Your Brothers and Sisters, which helps kids acquire the skills they need to get along with their siblings.
Dawn believes that sibling rivalry is best quashed by the kids themselves, not by parents coming in to settle scores. She tells kids that they truly have the power to "stop feeling so bothered and start having more fun." In this episode, Dawn explains the difference between treating siblings fairly and treating them equally, the difference between tattling and telling, and how our stepping out of the role as referee can lead to a seismic shift in how our kids get along.
Follow Dawn on her Facebook page and website: dawnhuebnerphd.com
and get The Sibling Survival Guide here: https://www.dawnhuebnerphd.com/the-sibling-survival-guide-surefire-ways-to-solve-conflicts-reduce-rivalry-and-have-more-fun-with-brothers-and-sisters/
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Can We Be More Inclusive Parents?
Can we become more inclusive as parents? Inclusivity has great benefits for everyone involved. We loved this explanation from Bright Horizons:
"Too often, inclusiveness is described as something we should do to benefit others. Being inclusive is more than a moral obligation—although this alone is enough reason to practice it. When we are inclusive we aren’t divided. Instead, our world becomes enlarged. We gain relationships and experiences that enrich us. We recognize that we are all different, and that those differences bring joy to living."
In this episode, we talk about how to get "wider" (more intentionally inclusive) in our family lives and in our communities. and how to bring our kids into that conversation.
Here are links to some writing on topic (plus our own episodes) that we refer to in this episode:
Melissa Hart for Parents: 5 Ways to Help Children Be More Inclusive of Other Kids
Bright Horizons: Raising An Inclusive Child
Talking With Our Kids About Race: Deborah Porter
Two other podcasts we're loving right now:
StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Hosted by Faith Salie, this podcast is about the ups and downs of parenting life. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Home.Made. podcast: inside every home, there’s a story. Hosted by Stephanie Foo (This American Life, Snap Judgment), each episode of this 10-part series explores the meaning of home and what it can teach us about ourselves and each other. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Special thanks to this month's sponsors!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy - Is Childhood Stuttering Something To Be Concerned About?
It can be confusing and a little concerning when a toddler suddenly develops a stutter or a stammer. A member of our Facebook group asked:
My daughter (27 months) seems to have recently developed a stammer/stutter, or maybe it has just gotten to the point where we notice it now. Instead of saying "Can I have that?" like she used to, she now says "Ca- ca- ca- can I have that?". It's usually only at the beginning of a sentence or thought, and most often when she is excited. But it's happening a lot.
Part of me thinks it's nothing to get too worried over as she is only two, she's still developing her language skills, and it's more prevalent when she is excited. And the other part of me is a little worried.
I've heard it's best to just wait patiently for her to finish her thought and that's what I usually do, although my husband keeps telling her to think about what she wants to say before saying it.
If anyone has gone through this with their little one, did it resolve itself? How? When? What's the best approach?
Stuttering in toddlers is very common, because children's language acquisition skills are more like a zigzag than a straight line. Sometimes stuttering can show up when a child's speech and language development lags behind what he or she needs or wants to say.
It's definitely best for you and your partner to be on the same page about ignoring the stutter. Don't finish her sentences, tell her to slow down, or do other things to draw more attention to it. Your daughter may not even be aware it's happening, which is actually a positive indicator.
But "ignore it" doesn't necessarily mean "never get a professional opinion or seek therapeutic support." Sometimes speech therapy is required. But at your daughter's age it's too early to make that call. You're in the collecting information stage. Don't worry about the stuttering– it's a typical stage in childhood speech development– but do keep a few notes about when it comes and goes, and mention it at your next pediatric visit.
Two useful resources:
http://www.coloradostutteringtherapy.com/childhood-stuttering/
https://www.stutteringhelp.org/differential-diagnosis
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: You're Doing It Wrong! (with Bethany Johnson and Margaret Quinlan)
Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan and Bethany Johnson are the co-authors of the book You’re Doing it Wrong! Mothering, Media and Medical Expertise. This book investigates the history of mothering advice in the media, from the 19th century to today, and the processes by which mothering has been defined, from getting pregnant to being pregnant to giving birth to whether "that baby" needs a hat on.
Like most moms, Maggie and Bethany questioned their own parenting decisions because they understood their choices would be met with scrutiny exercised in few other arenas. They suggest that the first step to freeing ourselves from the socially prescribed perfectionism of motherhood is to realize that no matter what you decide, there will always be someone telling you "you're doing it wrong."
Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan is a Professor of Communication at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She explores how communication creates, resists and transforms knowledges about bodies, and critiques power structures that marginalize certain people both inside and outside of healthcare systems.
Bethany Johnson is a PHD candidate at the University of South Carolina. She studies how science, medical technology, and public health discourses are framed and reproduced by those with structural power.
Get YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/books/you-re-doing-it-wrong-mothering-media-and-medical-expertise/9780813593784.
To find out more about their work: http://johnsonquinlanresearch.com.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Admitting Things Aren't Perfect
It's hard to admit things aren't perfect. It's especially hard for moms. Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett described three types of perfectionism in the 1990s: self-directed (I must be a size 2), others-directed (do that piano exercise again until you get it right), and "socially mediated" perfectionism, which comes from society making unrealistic demands of a person or a group and punishes that person when she falls short. Sound familiar?
Turns out the amount of socially mediated perfectionism a parent feels is directly related to her level of "parental burnout," defined as exhaustion in one’s role as a parent, feelings of being fed up as a parent, and even emotional distancing from one’s children. Not the place any of us want to get to. So why is it so hard to admit things aren't perfect? And how can we start?
Here are links to some of the research on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Fatemeh Ghanbari Jahromia et al: The relationship between socially prescribed perfectionism and depression: The mediating role of maladaptive cognitive schemas
Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett: Perfectionism in the Self and Social Contexts
Matilda Sorkkila and Kaisa Aunola: Risk Factors for Parental Burnout among Finnish Parents: The Role of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - When Grandparents Undermine Your Parenting
One question we get over and over again is about dealing with grandparents who say to our kids, "I want to– but your mom won't let me."
We have a general guideline that you only have three times available to speak to your parents or in-laws about things they do that bother you. This "Rule of Three" forces us to consider whether any given issue is worth discussing, and most importantly, whether it is the rare behavior that might actually be changed by having a confrontational conversation about it.
With the issue of undermining, Margaret thinks it might be worth a try. Sit down and have a conversation where you simply say, "When you say that you'd like to do something that my kids wants, only I won't allow it, it hurts my feelings, and it makes it harder for me to enforce the rules that are important to me."
If this simple statement doesn't change this behavior long-term (spoiler alert: it probably won't) then the next step is to respond by restating your rules and your reasoning to your children, each and every time this happens.
When Grandma says,
"I would love to buy you ice cream, but your mom won't let me!"
you respond,
"That's right, because the rule in our house is that we have one dessert a day, and you had ice cream after lunch."
As you calmly and directly restate your rules, you neutralize any attempt to undermine you.
It may also help to restate rules before things come up, and in front of the undermining grandparent,
"We're going to Target to get a new bathing suit but let's remember we're not buying any toys today."
It's important to remember that the occasional annoying comment where Grandma sides with your kid will have few actual consequences. Your kid is not going to be led wildly astray by Grandma's remarks. The best thing to do about it is probably to vent (briefly) to a friend or Facebook group about how annoying it is, and then move on. If you keep your own rules clear, and restate them when contradictory statements are made, your kids will stay clear on who is really in charge.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Ellen Kahn On Supporting Our LGBTQ Kids
Ellen Kahn is the Senior Director of Programs and Partnerships at the Human Rights Campaign. In her role, Ellen provides national leadership and expertise in public education and advocacy efforts on behalf of LGBTQ youth and families. Ellen is nationally recognized as an expert on LGBTQ family life and LGBTQ youth. She's also a proud mom of two teenage daughters.
In this interview, Ellen explains how parents can create a home environment that affirms and accepts LGBTQ children, and how to advocate for LGBTQ kids in the larger world– whether they're our own children or not. As Ellen explains: "It's all of us together, chiseling away at the reason parents can be fearful when they find out their child is LGBTQ. Let's just not raise bullies anymore."
Here are a few additional resources mentioned in this episode:
Human Rights Campaign's welcomingschools.org
"Serendipitydodah- Home of the Mama Bears" Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Serendipitydodah
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Our Parental Achilles Heels
Our merch store is live! Get your T-shirts, hoodies, onesies, and notebooks: bit.ly/whatfreshmerch.
An "Achilles Heel" is a weakness in spite of overall strength. If exploited by our enemies, that small area of vulnerability can be responsible for our total, tragic downfall.
This week we asked the members of our Facebook group to tell us their greatest weaknesses as parents and humans. From whistling to growth spurts to the constant, constant talking, in this episode we (and our listeners) fess up.
We figured this out while recording this episode: our weaknesses and strengths are two sides of the same coin. Amy's superpower is organization; her downfall is an inability to relax amidst even mild chaos. Margaret's superpower is fun; her weak spots include the unfortunately large parenting categories of Things That Aren't Fun.
Whatever your Achilles heel may be, keep in mind the "in spite of overall strength" part. All in all, you're doing great.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy: How Do I Protect My Newborn in a Post-Pandemic World?
How can a mom whose only parenting experience has been during Covid feel okay about protecting her newborn in a post-pandemic world?
A listener emailed us to say:
I am pregnant with my second baby, due in September. Now that we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I don't think I know how to be a mom in a post-COVID world. I have learned how to be a parent during a pandemic and that is my family's "normal," it's all we know!
Our family and friends have already started talking about how they can't wait to be able to come to my house and hold the baby when he's born, now that COVID is "over".
We've been invited to huge family Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations (to make-up for missing last year) and I am already freaking out! Company with a newborn? Nope, not for me.
After explaining my feelings to my husband, he and I agreed we will not allow visitors to our home for [at least] the first month after I have the new baby.
Give it to me straight... am I being ridiculous and unfair? I realize my family and friends did not get to experience my first born's first months because of the pandemic, but I am feeling pretty strongly about doing it without company again.
Second question... how do I learn how to be a post-pandemic mom? Do I go back and listen to old episodes you both taped before the world turned upside down, or do you think parenting has changed forever!?
-Sincerely,
Isolated, Stubborn, and Not Sorry
We think there are only a few times in your life when what you say goes: your wedding, your big birthdays, and what happens with your newborns when they come home from the hospital. You are entirely entitled to make the decisions that feel safest for your family, and others are entitled to like those decisions or not.
But we suggest that it's too early to decide what will happen at the holidays this year. You shouldn't be receiving undue pressure to attend, but you don't have to rule it all out yet, either. We're still very much in a "still collecting information" phase. Once the calendar says November, then you can make a decision about Thanksgiving, based on the most up-to-date information– and your comfort levels– at that time.
Becoming a "post-pandemic mom" might be a very gradual process for you, and that's okay. Take advantage of warmer weather to do things outside; keep masks on if that makes you more comfortable; and don't accept the burden of Other People's Feelings About That. Better days are already here and are almost certainly in our future, and you will feel more comfortable– but on your own timeline.
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Future Focused Parenting With Kira Dorrian and Deana Thayer
Kira Dorrian and Deana Thayer are parent coaches and authors who are passionate about preparing families to thrive on their parenting journeys.
They're the co-founders of Future Focused Parenting, the parenting philosophy that starts with the end in mind, thereby encouraging families to make intentional parenting choices.
They are also co-hosts of the Raising Adults Podcast where they discuss parenting with a long-range view.
In this "Fresh Take" interview, Kira and Dorrian explain the benefits of future-focused parenting, and how it can make our daily parenting decisions clearer– both for ourselves and for our kids.
Follow Kira and Deana, and find out more about their work, at http://bit.ly/raisingadultspodcast.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Looking for another great parenting podcast? StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is created by Munchkin, the most beloved baby brand in the world. Follow or subscribe wherever you listen!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Usual Wines come in single-serve six-ounce bottles– about a glass and a half of wine. They’ve got a red blend, a rosé, a sparkling white, plus Usual Spritz, a low-calorie wine cooler. Each has just 83 calories- and they're fermented until there's no more sugar. Get $8 off your first order at usualwines.com with the code FRESHHELL.
Hooked on Phonics is the learn-to-read program that has helped over 6 million kids learn to read. And now it offers a multi-sensory approach, which uniquely combines an amazing app with hands-on learning materials shipped to your home every month. Get your first month for just $1 by going to hookedonphonics.com/laughing.
Olive gets you consolidated, cardboard-free deliveries from over 100 of your favorite fashion sites. No cardboard-box waste! Returns are a snap. Best of all, you can sign up for free, at shopolive.com.
Literati delivers their monthly book picks straight to your door, so you can spend less time finding a good book and more time actually reading one. And their app lets you chat about the books with the whole Literati community. Redeem your FREE trial at literati.com/whatfreshhell.
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Reestablishing Friendships After This Weird Time
The pandemic shrunk our social circles, first literally and then metaphorically. Our time for ourselves evaporated, and with that any chance of catching up with our best friend– even if she lived two blocks away. We lost the once-a -month lunch friends, the "micro-interactions" with strangers, and even the overheard conversations that spark our curiosity and feed us more than we ever realized.
But picking something back up, after you've put it down for a long time, can make it seem surprisingly heavy. As the restrictions end, and we can see all of the people all of the time, we've been surprised by our own conflicting emotions about it all. Dr. Marlee Bower, a loneliness researcher at the University of Sydney, explains that "an extended period of loneliness can make social interaction feel more challenging in the longer term."
In this episode we talk about how we're alternating periods of social-butterfly celebration with days we still want to hide under the covers. It's a process, and we're all feeling it. Here's how to get a little more intentional about reestablishing those friendships we have missed the most.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Arthur Brooks for The Atlantic: A Once In A Lifetime Chance To Start Over
Celina Ribiero for BBC Worklife: How lockdowns are changing our friendship groups
Catherine Pearson for HuffPost: Moms Have Held Everything Together This Past Year, Except Their Friendships
Kelcey Borreson for HuffPost: Some Friendships Are Taking A ‘Pandemic Pause’ And That’s All Right
Anna Goldfarb for New York Times: “How to Deal With a Friendship ‘Quiet Season,’
Kat Vellos on Twitter
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Ask Margaret: How Do I Talk to My Kids About Consent?
Conversations with kids about consent are tricky. It can be awkward or uncomfortable to talk with kids of any age about sex, but the more often we have these conversations, the more likely our kids will be able to navigate difficult situations. Have conversations about peer pressure, sex, consent, and personal safety as early and as frequently as possible, while keeping these conversations age-appropriate.
This week a listener on our Facebook page asks:
When and how do I have conversations with my kids about consent?
Regarding their bodies.... touching and allowing touch from others (their peers?)
How to be safe – physically, emotionally, and with their devices?
How they can safely explore their questions and curiosities around sex and sexuality?
The notion of consent is important for kids, and useful well before the idea of sex enters their lives. Play is a great place to start having these conversations. Set rules around play that emphasize consent such as:
- Is everyone playing, or are you shooting Nerf darts at people who are not in the game?
- When someone says "stop," all play comes to an end, whether or not you think the person saying "stop" actually means it
- When we play games with our friends, are we reading their social clues well about whether they are enjoying the game as much as we are?
Once we help our kids define clear language and rules around consent, then we are ready to include sex, control of their own bodies, and respect for other people's bodies into these conversations as they grow. We can expand our conversations around consent into:
- the role consent plays in sexual and romantic relationships
- how peer pressure plays out as kids mature
- the way drugs and alcohol can complicate consent
Margaret cites this article from the Child Mind Institute in this episode:
https://childmind.org/article/how-talk-kids-sex-consent-boundaries/
For another great conversation about how to talk to kids - listen to our Fresh Take episode with Michelle Icard:
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Fresh Take: Radha Agrawal on Creating Community
Our new podcast Toddler Purgatory is live! Life with little ones isn't all bad. It's just... intense. Subscribe or follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode!
Radha Agrawal was named by MTV as “one of 8 women who will change the world.” She is the co-Founder of Daybreaker, the early morning dance and wellness movement with a community of almost half a million people around the globe. She's recently launched DOSE, a new community with the goal of making joy the same sort of intentional practice as yoga and meditation. And she's the author of the book Belong: Find Your People, Create Community & Live A More Connected Life.
In this Fresh Take we talk to Radha about the intentional practice joy, and the possibilities that exist for us to find our people and build our dream communities from scratch.
Find out more about Radha's new project, D.O.S.E. by Daybreaker, at https://collectivejoy.com
and find her book BELONG in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523502059
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.
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So What Are We Doing This Summer?
Our kids’ summer plans keep evolving– for the better and the more confusing. We fill out forms. Then we get emails saying "Forget the old rules, and fill out these three new forms indicating you agree with these new rules." Then things change again.
To be clear: thank you, camps and programs and town pools. We're not blaming the people who are most certainly doing their best to keep up, and to give our kids the most typical summer experience possible. But we're all building the plane while we fly it, and figuring out the new rules for this semi-normal summer seems, once again, to be kind of up to us.
This week we're talking about our summer plans, our summer maybe-plans, and how we'll decide.
Here are links to some of the things we mention in this episode:
Mary Laura Philpott for Washington Post: As the world starts to open up, it’s tough to let go
Gürbüz Doğan Ekşioğlu's "Venturing Out" https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cover-story/cover-story-2021-05-24
Kathryn Hymes for The Atlantic: Why We Speak More Weirdly At Home
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.
Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
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Ask Margaret - My Kid Wants All the Things
Do you have a kid at home who obsesses over collecting or acquiring the right kinds of things or just all the things in general? If so you are not alone.
A listener had this question:
What do you all do with a kid who wants ALL the toys? I've got a second grader who insists all his friends' parents buy all the Pokemon cards, and my husband and I are the worst because we refuse to buy every single thing he asks for. He's got a pile full of Pokemon cards, but they're not the cool ones, I guess. We're not going to change our buying habits, but how do we talk about this with him?
All kids express a need for control by having strong opinions about things they want and need, but some kids are particularly prone to obsessing over acquiring - ALL - THE - STUFF!
Margaret has labeled this phenomenon "the grabby greedies" for her kids. One way to help kids with this is to give them some context. It's important to make a distinction between things that are important to your kids (things they might want to save up for and buy with an allowance) and things that are just shiny and new (things that are being marketed to them through the TV or in their video games).
Help your kids understand that things like collectibles (example: Pokémon cards) are designed to make them want to buy more and more, but resist the urge to be dismissive of these kinds of collections by recognizing that they actually have value to your kids.
Give kids more control over the things they acquire. Consider a rule where your kid can make independent decisions over what they want for their birthday, even if it's things you consider junky. Give your kids an allowance and allow them to save up for things they want to buy. Have (tough) chores they can do around the house to earn things they want.
It's hard when we see our kids obsessing over things we consider to have no value. But the real lesson to impart to kids in this situation is that acquiring the things they want means budgeting, making choices about the value of things, and earning the things they want through patience and/or work.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
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Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg Tells Us How To Stop Losing It With Our Kids
Our new podcast Toddler Purgatory is live! Life with little ones isn't all bad. It's just... intense. Subscribe or follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode!
Carla Naumburg is a mother, clinical social worker, and author. She is the author of three parenting books, including the bestseller How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, which not only explains WHY we explode at our children, but also teaches us everything we need to know to decrease stress and increase patience, even in the most challenging family moments.
Kids are hard-wired to push our buttons. We are hard-wired to freak out when they're pushed. In this Fresh Take interview, Carla explains how managing our triggers can help us stop the meltdowns.
This episode will make you feel less ashamed, more empowered, and a whole lot better.
Find How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523505425
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh.
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.
Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
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Useless Metrics For Life
These days we're surrounded by trackers– on our wrists, on our water bottles, on our phones. On the one hand, they help us pay attention to the things in our lives that are important to us, and to create new habits. On the other hand, they're crazymakers that give us new reasons to feel bad about ourselves.
In this episode we discuss some of metrics for life we do and/or don't live by, like
- 10,000 steps a day
- 8 glasses of water a day
- inbox zero
- perfect attendance
- BMI
- and giant baby head circumferences.
Behavioral scientist James Clear says one should "measure to see if you're actually spending time on the things that are important to you." We agree with him– as long as we make room for remembering that 9,000 steps is great, inbox one thousand is totally fine, and "perfect" is always a lie.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Michelle Woo for Lifehacker: Your Baby's Head Is Probably Not Gigantic
The Conversation: Do We Really Need To Walk 10,000 Steps a Day?
John Murphy for MDLinx: 8 glasses of water a day: Myth or medicine?
Jackie Spinner for the Washington Post: Perfect attendance awards no longer belong in U.S. schools
Lauren Johnson for Slack: Inbox Zero and Other Productivity Myths
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.
Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
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BONUS: Toddler Purgatory
Aren’t toddlers just the best? Are they not also, at times, the WORST? Blaire Brooks and Molly Lloyd welcome you to Toddler Purgatory, where life with littles is not all bad, but definitely less than perfect.
In this premiere episode Blaire and Molly discuss the many challenges of life with the tiny, ruthlessly honest, tantrum-having, often stinky carbon copies of themselves they have running around their respective homes.
Check out the first three episodes of Toddler Purgatory right now- and help a new podcast out hitting "subscribe" or "follow" for Toddler Purgatory in your favorite podcast player:
Apple Podcasts: https://bit.ly/toddlerpurgatory
Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3nYMJbs
Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vV0ZIMTcyMzIwMDk5Mg==
iHeart: https://iheart.com/podcast/81711771/
Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/toddler-purgatory
You can also find the show at toddlerpurgatory.com or on the socials at #toddlerpurgatory.
New episodes every other Tuesday!
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Ask Amy- I Can't Take The Noise!
Does the combination of your kids' squabbling, the repeated clinking of your spouse's cereal spoon, and the Mister Softee jingle send you into a rage-panic? You are not alone.
Farrah had this to say on Facebook:
Someone talk to me about PARENTAL sensory overload. We have 6 kiddos ages 5-12. I have found that the older I get (or maybe the older they get?) the noise level is less and less tolerable to me. I want to enjoy being around my kids they way I used to, but I find myself simply overwhelmed with the noise. Has anyone else dealt with this or something similar? Any suggestions on dealing with this sensory overload so I can get back to enjoying the company of my kids/ family?
Some people really are more sensitive to noise. Dr. Elaine Aron describes "highly sensitive people" and their reactions to auditory input this way:
"Highly sensitive persons process information more thoroughly, are more easily stimulated, are more aware of subtle stimuli, are more empathic, and have higher emotional reactivity."
In other words, we don't habituate to noise exposure like other people do. Our highly attuned senses are more affected by our environments. And when our nervous systems are already amped up for other reasons— can you think of anything you might have been feeling anxious about over the last year?!– the auditory information on the way to the brain becomes augmented, and it can feel like too much to bear.
Amy's a fellow noise-intolerant, and in this episode she goes through the three-step process of
- control the noise
- if you can't do that, control your location
- if you can't do that... time for an intentional reset.
Listen for the full rundown, and read more here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200804/i-cant-stand-noise
https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/ordinary-sounds-overwhelm-highly-sensitive-person/
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
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Fresh Take: Ilyse DiMarco on "Mom Brain"
Dr. Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Summit, New Jersey. She specializes in helping women use cognitive- behavioral therapy and related evidence-based strategies to navigate the myriad challenges of motherhood. Her writing has been featured in places like Psychology Today and Scary Mommy, as well as on her own blog, www.drcbtmom.com. She lives in New Jersey with her husband and two sons.
Her new book is Mom Brain: Proven Strategies to Fight the Anxiety, Guilt, and Overwhelming Emotions of Motherhood. Ilyse's definition of Mom Brain is "the profound cognitive and emotional changes that occur when you have a child and the many aspects of your life (identity, relationships, work life, self-care) that are strongly impacted by these changes."
In this episode we discuss the seismic shifts in our priorities that occur when we become mothers, the anxiety that can often result, and the evidence-based strategies that work best to keep us present-moment-focused.
Mom Brain is composed of easily digestible sections, so even if you only have 10 minutes to read, you’ll be able to pick up at least one or two solid coping skills. Find it in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781462540266
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Let It Go? Or No?
This week we're reviewing listener grudges, large and small, and deciding once and for all if those listeners should let it go, or no.
Letting it go doesn't mean you're wrong to be annoyed. Sometimes you are totally right and you STILL have to let it go.
And sometimes nursing a tiny bonsai grievance for a decade is sort of fun... but that works better when you aren't related to that person.
Sometimes shifting our perspective is the best choice we have.
As Margaret's Aunt Terry likes to say: you can't get pizza from a Chinese restaurant.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.
Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- Company's Coming. How Am I Going To Feed Everyone?
Find yourself stuck in the kitchen 24/7 when family comes to visit? You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed and even a little resentful, even if you’re really happy they came.
Jenna emailed us to ask:
Since both of you have big families, how does everyone get fed when you get together for a few days? Do you get takeout for every meal? Do people take turns cooking?
I am the only person in my husband's family who can cook, so I end up doing all the cooking when we get together, and I end up exhausted and don't get to spend time with everyone.
Resetting expectations around who's doing the cooking and cleanup can be a little tricky. If you're a do-it-all hostess who really does make it look easy, you haven't been sending clear signals that it's hard.
Amy gives tips in this episode about the systems that work when her extended family group gets together. But if you've been heading up meal prep because you're the "only one who can cook," a resetting of your own expectations may be required as well. If you're chopping fresh herbs for Monday night's dinner, and then your brother orders pizza for Tuesday night? And everyone gets fed? Take the win. If there are a few too many hot-dog lunches and everything you have been doing is more appreciated in retrospect, so much the better.
You deserve to enjoy time with family as much as everyone else does, so have the difficult conversation. It can be really refreshing to lay down some of the burdens we shoulder, and see the world continue to revolve, and realize no one was really asking us to do it all in the first place.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Judith Warner on What Grownups Get Wrong About Middle School
Toddler Purgatory is launching this month! Help us support the launch of our new podcast by checking out the sneak-peek trailer and following now wherever you listen. Grab all the player links at toddlerpurgatory.com.
Judith Warner’s book AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME: MAKING SENSE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL investigates what can be a truly painful period in any adolescent's life. Warner explains that our "personal fable" is deeply affected by our own experiences during that developmental period, even if our memories may rely on flawed or incomplete information.
That matters because it can affect how we parent our tweens as they enter the middle-school stage themselves. Are parents sometimes inadvertently reinforcing the narrative that middle school is a Thunderdome of social aggression?
In this interview, Judith tells Amy the history of middle school, the brain science behind its intensity, and what parents can do to make their children's path through these years an easier one.
Check out all of Judith Warner's books in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.
Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping!
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
When Your Kid Doesn't Fit The Mold
Toddler Purgatory is launching this month! Help us support the launch of our new podcast by checking out the sneak-peek trailer and following now wherever you listen. Grab all the player links at toddlerpurgatory.com.
Sooner or later, most parents discover that their kid doesn't fit society's mold in one way or another. But there's "quirky" kids with unusual haircuts, and then there's the kids who really do their own thing, with or without peer approval. In this episode, we're talking about the latter.
Those parents will recognize what Dr. Perri Klass calls "the pivotal moment": "not just one moment of extreme behavior in your kid, but the last in a series of impossible-to-explain-away behavior that resonates with the parent's long-considered and long-avoided fears. It crystallizes in a parent's mind all the floating anxieties and worries of many months."
It’s especially challenging for us when our kids are outside the norm because we can't help but think what will become of this kid? But at those times, we're forgetting two things: not only do our children have the ability to grow and develop, we're going to become better parents along the way, as well.
When it comes to our non-mold-fitting kids, there's reason to hope that the world will someday be wide enough. Albert Einstein didn’t fit the mold either, and things worked out pretty well for him. Which isn't to say he didn't cause his mom some sleepless nights along the way.
Here are some links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Drs. Perri Klass and Eileen Costello: Quirky Kids: Understanding and Helping Your Child Who Doesn’t Fit In
greatschools.org: How to support your unique, quirky child
childmind.org: Sensory Processing FAQs
slate.com: What About Kids Who Don't Fit The Mold?
Dana Basu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different
Andrew Solomon: Far From The Tree: Parents, Children, And The Search For Identity
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off.
Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.
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Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
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Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
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Ask Margaret - My Son Can't Keep His Hands to Himself
Kids often struggle to keep their hands to themselves– and this can be especially true for boys, who love to punch, tackle, and poke at anyone who gets near them.
This week Emily asks:
As a mom of boys, I am finding that my five-year-old son is very handsy with his friends and boy cousins. It's like my younger son and other boys are magnets that cannot keep their hands off each other. It's not aggressive, it's just constant touching, tickling, purposely running into each other, etc. I am not sure how to curb it,or if it's even possible.
And even if I get my son to break the habit, how would I keep other kids from putting their hands all over him? It's not that I am any more of a germaphobe than anyone else, I just feel like it's a recipe for disaster... and when he goes to school in the fall ,I don't want him to be off task and missing directions. Is there anything I can do, or is this just a boy thing?
Watch any nature show with a group of young lions and you'll see the cubs wrestling, biting, and tussling with each other (often to the non-delight of their mama). The same holds true for our own kids. Roughhousing and other forms of physical contact serve many purposes, helping youngsters find and test boundaries, express anxieties, manage aggression.
So Margaret is extremely pro-touching among kids as long as a few simple guidelines are followed:
- All physical contact and especially roughhousing should be among "equals" - no big kids whaling on little kids, and no little kids pawing at uninterested bigs.
- Keep an eye on consent - make sure that everyone involved in the physicality is comfortable with it.
- Spaces and places- wrestling, roughhousing, and physical play is appropriate in the yard but not in the living room.
Kids tend to get less physical as they get older and keeping "touch-free" spaces (this will probably happen naturally at school) is a great way to help kids start to gain control over their physicality.
By the way: when it comes to germs, once Covid is taken out of the equation, there's not too much to worry about. While Covid is still a threat physical distancing should be maintained– but post-Covid, check out this article for a reality check on germs.
In this episode Margaret also cites this article by Anne-Marie Gambelin for Motherly: Relax, Mama- roughhousing is good for your kids–really
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
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Fresh Take: Michaeleen Doucleff on Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans
Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff is the author of the New York Times best-seller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In this interview, she tells us about the circumstances that inspired her own "aha" parenting moment, and then the book.
While on assignment in the Yucatan as a reporter for NPR's Science Desk, Michaeleen saw children helping around the house, unprompted and unapplauded. She wondered how her own life back in the United States, with a tantruming preschooler and chaotic household, could be so different. It inspired Michaeleen's exploration of how the tenets of WEIRD parenting (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) differ from those of more ancient civilizations, and how we might all restore a little sanity by unlearning some of our Western ways.
Follow Michaeleen on Twitter @foodiescience and on her website: michaeleendoucleff.com.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to audible.com/fresh, or by texting FRESH to 500-500.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
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Wait, We're Not Ready
We thought we were ready. We were in fact quite excited for all of this to be over, white-knuckling it until we could run outside and hug everyone we saw. But as freedom comes nearer, we’re less sure we want things to go back to how they used to be.
Why is that? This reticence feels like it might go beyond issues of measuring risk. If a Fauci godmother showed up right now to wave her wand and magically declare the world to be fully safe, some of us would probably still stay cozy under our blankets. As it turns out, we've grown accustomed to our Zooms.
So what are the things making us feel less than ready for a return to the world? And are some of the things we're dreading a return to things we don't *have* to resume at all?
Here are links to some other writing on the topic that we mention in this episode:
Adam Grant for The New York Times : There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing
Christine Koh for Washington Post: The pandemic has caused parents to slow down. Here’s how to preserve that pace.
Steven Petrow for Washington Post: I’m vaccinated, but I’m really not ready to leave my pandemic cocoon
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to audible.com/fresh, or by texting FRESH to 500-500.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- My 4-Year-Old Hates Transitions
The most important part of addressing our little ones’ challenging behavior is to get curious about what's causing it. For preschoolers struggling with the Covid-Plus restrictions of the moment, it's easy to identify the dysregulation that might accompany post-pandemic expectations. For a 4-year-old who's spent 25% of her life hanging out at home with Mom, all of these new rules are a lot to expect.
Our listener Corey wrote in to ask:
I'm wondering if you have some tips for helping my 4 1/2 year old in transitioning classrooms at school.
She has regressed at home and school... tantrums, arguing everything, crying at dropoff, pouting in class. She has never been easygoing, and always had strong emotions..Today, her teacher called me at work to ask me to calm my daughter down over the phone... she was sitting on the floor crying and refusing to participate. She's been going to daycare since 3 months old, and this is the first time I've ever had to do that.
The thing is, she was actually going through a blissful period before this. Mature, helpful, listening, not arguing every little thing. And then this transition happened, and it's like she regressed back to 3. In the "before times" I believe she would have been excited about moving to the older class.
Any advice on helping her get excited about school again? And maybe reversing this regression and getting back to that 4 year old I had two months ago?
In this episode Amy offers tips on how Corey might support her daughter at home and at school during this time. Getting curious about the "iceberg" underneath the surface tantrums will probably help a great deal.
Here's the bottom line: it's developmentally appropriate for kids to cycle between periods of regulation and dysregulation. While this might be a tough season, with a loving and attentive parent, it will get better soon.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through Play
Christina Martin is the Director of Curriculum and Instruction at The Children's School, an independent progressive K-8 school in Oak Park, Illinois. She has taught elementary, middle, and high school, with special areas of interest in play and project-based learning, math, social justice, and democratic practices in the classroom.
Progressive education has its roots in play– but for many parents the connection between play and learning is not soobvious. Christina explains why play as simple as building with blocks can teach kids real-life skills from cooperation to physics! "Rich" play doesn't need to (and probably shouldn't) involve expensive toys. Instead, rich play often happens most effortlessly outside, where kids can make a mess, use their imaginations, and learn by exploring their world. When we guide children towards rich play and set up expectations around play in our homes, we offer a world of opportunity to our kids.
In this conversation Christina explains why play is central to education at The Children's School, and how all of us can use the progressive-education concepts of play to help our children learn at home.
Find out more at www.thechildrensschool.info or on Facebook @TheChildrensSchoolIL.
For further resources regarding progressive education, check out these articles:
Alfie Kohn, Progressive Education: Why It's Hard to Beat, But Also Hard to Find
A Conversation with Vivian Guss Paley on Children's Play
Play-Based Learning by Daniel P. Ryan
DEY #Teachers Speak Out, a mini-documentary on the importance of play
Carol Black, A Thousand Rivers
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to audible.com/fresh, or by texting FRESH to 500-500.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Are You the 'Good Parent' or the 'Bad Parent' In Your Home?
Are you the “bad parent” in your home? The enforcer of bedtimes, the keeper of deadlines, the stern shusher in the church pew?
Or are you the “good parent,” the authority figure more likely to agree that time is a construct and that ice cream not only can, but should, be what’s for dinner?
This week we’re breaking down
- how this dynamic plays out in each of our homes
- whether the primary caregiver has to always be stuck with the Killer of Joy role
- how this can play out when parents are divorced
- how drill sargeants can ease up on the oversight
- how the “good time Charlies” can become more aware
As in most things, change is possible when we watch our stories. These aren’t roles that have to harden in amber and then never change. The Carrier of the Diaper Bag and The Worrier of All Potential Outcomes deserves to kick back once in a while too.
Here are links to some of the writing on this subject that we discuss in this episode:
Isaac Watts’ poem “Love Between Brothers and Sisters”
Julia Austin for Madame Noire: How The Good Cop/Bad Cop Parenting Dynamic Ruins Marriages
Megan Glosson for moms.com: Why 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' Parenting Ultimately Hurts Everyone
James Lehman for Empowering Parents: Good Cop/Bad Cop Parenting
this clip from the movie The Great Santini
and our episode Parenting as a Team
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to audible.com/fresh, or by texting FRESH to 500-500.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - My Spouse and I Disagree About Discipline
When we choose a spouse we look for someone we're attracted to, someone we love, and someone we can have fun with. Then we have kids and find ourselves co-running a household with competing viewpoints that we may not have discussed before.
On FB Kelly asked:
How should my husband and I navigate differences of opinion on parenting situations? There are a LOT of hills my husband is willing to die on. If I have a difference of opinion on importance, he then gets frustrated with me.
The most important relationship in the family is between the parents, so it is crucial not to let disagreements about parenting lead to marital discord. One solution is to use Nick North's number system: when you or your spouse expresses a strong opinion about discipline, give it a number:
"I want our kids' rooms kept clean at all times. On a scale of 1 to 10, that's a 9 for me."
"I want there to be no cursing in our house, and that's about a 5 for me."
When it comes to discipline, if one spouse is finding they have a ton of 8s, 9s and 10s on this scale, it might be an indication that they have unrealistic expectations. It's important for us to support our parenting partners, but equally important for either partner to recognize when their own expectations are a little too intense.
This is the kind of marital issue couples can spend a lot of time fighting about if they've never actually had a proper discussion about it. It's worth acting from your place of maximum generosity, but by coming together to set understandings around rules and discipline, this issue doesn't have to lead to ongoing conflict.
Listen to these episodes of our podcast which further explore these topics:
Making It Worth In the Long Haul
and check out the book Marriage-ology by Belinda Luscombe
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Julie Lythcott-Haims on Becoming An Adult
Julie Lythcott-Haims is the author of the parenting bestseller How to Raise an Adult, which opened the minds of loving but hovering parents everywhere. Her new book is Your Turn: How To Be An Adult, which Julie calls "a compassionate beckoning into the freedoms and responsibilities of adulthood."
Adulting is a mindset. That might explain why many of us whose drivers' licenses indicate grown-up status still don't feel ready to be in charge of anything– including the children with whom we have somehow been entrusted. But trying and failing doesn't mean you're not ready to be an adult. Failing and trying again, Lythcott-Haims argues, is what makes us adults in the first place.
This episode is full of advice on how to move the parent/child paradigm (gradually) from vertical to horizontal– and on why becoming an adult is actually a path to joy. As Julie explains in this episode:
"Whether we're 8 or we're 18, or 28 or 38 or 48, we are yearning to make our way down a path that is ours to lay. We want to be loved and cared about along the way, but we do not want someone else to lead our lives for us."
Find out more at julielythcotthaims.com, on social media @jlythcotthaims, and find YOUR TURN in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250137777.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to audible.com/fresh, or by texting FRESH to 500-500.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Asking For Big Help (And The Best Ways To Give It)
We’ve all been in moments when we have to make a Big Ask. As in: it’s 2 a.m. The baby is throwing up and spiking a high fever. Your partner is out of town. Your other kid is asleep upstairs. Who are you going to call in the middle of the night? Making that ask is never easy.
But why? Why is it so hard to ask for big help, especially when we’re usually grateful to be able to assist a friend in need? Anyone who’s been a parent long enough has been on both the giving and receiving side of that Big Help ask. And when we’re on the receiving end of that kind of request, from a friend we know is struggling, we’re usually really happy– even grateful– to be able to help.
So how can we become “askable friends” and better helpers?
And how can we prepare for the big help times in our own lives before they arrive?
In this episode, we discuss
- the reasons why asking for help can be so hard, especially for mothers
- when asking for big help is “justified” (and making asking for small help okay)
- acute needs vs. chronic needs
- how to really help a struggling friend, rather than saying “let me know if you need anything”
- some useful ways to help a friend grieving a loss
- and how we can make that short list of friends, and offer to BE on that short list of friends, before the time comes.
In the end, asking for big help is about showing up for ourselves. Here’s how our listener Jennifer put it:
“I can ask for help, even if I can technically handle it, but I just want, or need a break. I don't need to drive myself to the edge of the cliff before I ask.”
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Mayday: Asking For Help In Times Of Need, by Nora Bouchard
lotsahelpinghands.com (@lotsahelpinghands on Twitter)
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing.
Audible has everything you love to listen to, INCLUDING this podcast, all in one app! Try Audible free for 30 days by going to audible.com/fresh, or by texting FRESH to 500-500.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - Should I Ever Let My Kids Use "Bad" Words?
Cursing is one parenting dilemma that people have different takes on. Some feel that cursing has no place in the home and some feel that cursing falls firmly in the "no big deal" category.
This week's Question of the Week addresses Brooke's dilemma from our Facebook page:
How should I handle “bad” words with younger children? My husband wants our children never be exposed to cursing at all. I view them as words with functional meaning beyond their use for disrespect. I want to educate my kids on these words, but my husband fears our kids may use them socially and be punished. Our kids are 4 and 6.
While both approaches to cursing (limiting their use at home vs. normalizing cursing at home) may be valid, it is unrealistic to believe that your children will never be exposed to cursing.
If you choose to keep a tight reign on cursing (which Margaret is all for) it cuts down on the work of monitoring the "spaces and places" where using "bad" words is allowed as kids move out into the world. On the other hand, cursing, as a fairly low-stakes behavioral issue, can be an area where parents choose to allow more leeway.
As long as you and your spouse are comfortable with the way your child is using language in your home and in public you are probably doing fine - but look for a few warning signs:
- A child that is using curse words frequently, in defiance of your rules
- A child that is using curse words towards other parents or caregivers
- A child that is getting in trouble at school for using bad language
These uses of "bad language" can be examples of boundary-seeking behavior, and can indicate a child or a family relationship that is veering out of control. If you see these behaviors around language it may be time to revisit and reset your boundaries or seek the help of a professional in resetting the rules at home.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Debbie Reber on Parenting Kids Who Are "Differently Wired"
Debbie Reber is a parenting activist, bestselling author, speaker, and the founder of TiLT Parenting, a top podcast, community, and educational resource for parents raising differently wired children.
Her most recent book is Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World.
At least twenty percent of today's children have differences: anxiety, ADHD, autism, giftedness, processing disorders, and learning disabilities, to name just a few. As Debbie puts it, “It's becoming increasingly clear that different ways of being are more 'normal' than most people realize, and that is truer with each passing year.”
In this "Fresh Take" interview we discuss why the expectations and limitations for neurotypical kids, and some of the suggestions for parenting them, can be inadequate when your kid is differently wired. Debbie suggests that such kids might be better served by finding opportunities to "tilt" our parenting, rather than struggle to straighten the child.
Small changes can have big impacts for differently wired kids. Debbie's work is full of concrete, actionable ideas that will allow both parents and kids to thrive.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
I've Figured Something Out...
Have you ever figured out a thing and thought everyone must know about this? In this episode we discuss the things that we (and our listeners) have figured out about
- how to pack
- freezer organization
- deciding once (this idea is from the Lazy Genius, and this Instagram thread is full of lazy genius)
- making yourself want to clean a messy room
- recognizing your best day
- deciding where things belong
- unloading a dishwasher
- always knowing what’s for dinner
- finishing what you start
- snack stashes
- making lists
- and how to discern between good ideas for somebody, and good ideas for you
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Amy- My Teen Has Zero Interest In Getting A Driver's License
Teens today are driving less, and later, and are far less motivated to drive than we were. The number of 16-year-old licensed drivers in the United States decreased from 46.2 percent in 1983 to 25.6 percent in 2018.
But shouldn't our teens learn how to drive? Isn't that a skill they're going to want to have at some point? And how do we get them to buy into that, instead of it becoming something else for teens and parents to fight about?
This is how a listener put it on our Facebook page:
My almost 17-year-old does not want to drive. We put him through drivers ed, and it was like pulling teeth to get him to practice. He has ADHD and is terrified of wrecking.
My question is, do we push him to at least get his license or let it go? I’ll give you one guess which parent wants to push….
ADHD is an additional risk factor for young drivers, particularly in the first months of their driving. But ADHD in itself doesn't cause bad driving– it's the risky behaviors to which teens with ADHD are more prone that cause more accidents. This can become a teachable moment to talk with a teen about those behaviors and why they're more dangerous once he's behind the wheel.
But giving our kids a sense of self-efficacy isn't just good for them– as Jess Lahey argues in her new book THE ADDICTION INOCULATION, it can be protective, putting them at lower risk for addiction and other risky behaviors.
In the long run, a driver's license might help a teen with anxiety. Consistent encouragement, rather than forcing the issue, will hopefully lead to a driving teen– and more independence for everyone in the house– a little sooner.
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that Amy mentions in this episode:
Healthline: Teens with ADHD 62% More at Risk of an Accident in First Month of Driving
Katharina Buchholz for Statista: Americans Get Driver's Licenses Later in Life
American Academy of Pediatrics: Traffic Crashes, Violations, and Suspensions Among Young Drivers With ADHD
Jess Lahey for The New York Times: How to Lower Your Child’s Risk for Addiction
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Kim Williams on the Systems That Work For Single Moms
Kim Williams is a change agent and community-builder for single moms. As the host of the podcast Experiencing Motherhood: Single and Black, Kim aspires to help single moms live the lives they desire without feeling alone. Through the podcast and her work on social media, Kim has built a large community of single moms that support one another both online and offline.
In this episode, we discuss what systems Kim thinks are particularly essential for single moms– and how single moms can find, ask for, and get the support they need.
Find Kim online @singleblackmotherhood, and listen to her podcast here.
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Two Kinds of People: Family Debates
What are the consistent and ongoing family debates in your household? Our Facebook group came through with their most heated family debate topics, and this week we give the ultimate answer for questions like:
- Should dishes be rinsed clean before they go in the dishwasher?
- Is it acceptable to call someone after 8 pm?
- Is a garage for storing stuff, or for storing cars?
- When you're making a bed, which side is up for the flat sheet?
- What is the correct pronunciation of "Reese's Pieces"?
Here are links to two things we discuss in this episode:
Reese's Pieces ad, 1984 (note the repeated and correct pronunciation)
"Doorbell" by Sebastian Maniscalco
Special thanks to this month's sponsors:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order!
Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh.
KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.
StoryWorth gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.
Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh.
Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off.
Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.
Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH30 to unlock 15 free days plus 30% off your subscription.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Ask Margaret - How Can I Get My Kids to Get Rid of All the Stuff?
One of the greatest obstacles to keeping our houses in order is the sheer amount of stuff that arrives on a daily basis. Kids have a hard time letting go of things, but moms have a hard time having their houses filled with endless clutter!
This week Jennifer asks:
How do I help my kids (10 and 12 years old) get rid of all the stuff? We have so many toys and books and cardboard creations. They want to keep everything. EVERY. THING. I’ve tried getting them involved in picking stuff to donate to those less fortunate, and they just absolutely flat out refuse.
We've all had the experience of trying to get rid of a long-neglected toy, only to have our kid announce suddenly that it is their most beloved possession ever!
Four things to do to cut down on "the stuff" are:
- Cut it off at the source: limit the amount of items coming in to your house by limiting purchases, and taking pictures of school projects instead of saving them.
- Hold a firm line: decide before you begin a clean up that for every four things you keep, one must go.
- Cull when they're not around: When you are cleaning without your kids around, you are allowed to get rid of things like cars with broken wheels and forgotten Happy Meal toys without asking permission.
- Limit collections: Everyone is the family is allowed two, not twenty.
Your kids' strong feelings about their stuff does not mean they get to make all the decisions about what remains in your house. It's okay for parents to enforce rules that make your living situation more pleasant for everyone involved.
Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor:
Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Fresh Take: Michele Borba on Kids Who Thrive
Dr. Michele Borba is a renowned educational psychologist and an expert in parenting, bullying, and character development. Her latest book is THRIVERS: The Surprising Reason Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine. This book offers practical, actionable ways to help kids develop the traits they need to thrive from preschool through high school, teaching them how to cope today so they can thrive tomorrow.
In this interview, Michele explains the "seven teachable traits" that allow kids to roll with the punches and succeed in life. Michele says the best parenting starts by meeting any kid exactly where they are, then giving them these tools to struggle less and shine more.
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When Can We Start Saying Yes?
Vaccines. Mandate-liftings. Scaled reopenings. All of these things are great and long wished for.
But we were kind of thinking there'd be a bell, or something. A hard deadline. A day when we'd all dance out into the ticker-taped streets and make out with strangers in Times Square.
Without a "you are now free to move about the cabin" announcement, how will we know when it's okay for grandparents to visit? To fly to that wedding? To toss our masks once and for all?
When is it okay to start saying yes?
Our listener Heather put it this way:
I think seeing a light at the end of the tunnel can be unsettling. We've been living in this weird way for a year now. And as much as it seems crazy, we've gotten used to it.
Psychologists call the stress this is making us feel the “third-quarter phenomenon.” For people forced to endure long stretches of isolation– astronauts, Arctic explorers, submarine sailors– the most difficult part, regardless of the length of the assignment, has been proven to be about 75% of the way through, precisely when the end of the assignment first comes into distant focus.
As things start to open up and some of us don't feel ready, or wonder if the world is ready, it's a new source of stress that we were saved from when we were all apart.
Past scientists and astronauts who suffered from the “third-quarter phenomenon" were advised to refocus on their mission- why they were doing what they were doing, and the great worth of seeing it through. Seems like great advice for the rest of us. Focusing on the mission might be what will get us through this last part of the tunnel.
Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Tara Law for Time: We're in the Third Quarter of the Pandemic. Antarctic Researchers, Mars Simulation Scientists and Navy Submarine Officers Have Advice For How to Get Through It
Robert Bechtel and Amy Berning: The Third-Quarter Phenomenon: Do People Experience Discomfort After Stress Has Passed?
Nathan Smith: The third-quarter phenomenon: the psychology of time in space
"Beautiful City" from Godspell (1973)
"Brand New Day" from The Wiz (1978)
@neilochka on Instagram
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Ask Amy - The Return to In-Person School Isn't Going Great
What should parents do when the return to in-person school, after a year of being home with Mommy, is sort of a disaster?
This week's question comes from Carrie on Facebook:
My 3-year-old just started in-person preschool after being home with us during the pandemic. I figured it would be an adjustment, but it's been brutal. As soon as you so much as mention "school," she starts crying - actual, big tears. She’s been waking up too early and hardly eating. She's never been good with change, and thanks to Covid, she's lived in this tiny bubble up until now. (Her teacher is lovely, by the way.)
Will this pass? PS: I'm 31 weeks pregnant with baby number two, so there's also that.
This is a lot of change for a little one all at once. Amy offers several different approaches for making this better, including
- books like SORRY, GROWN-UPS, YOU CAN’T GO TO SCHOOL! by Christina Geist
- using a three-year-old's love of defying expectations and of knowing more than grownups to your advantage
- working with the teacher
- scaffolding the transition
By leading with compassion for your daughter's struggle, you'll both make it through. This is a season, and it’s definitely made more complicated by the last year. Have patience with her and with yourself. The dress-up corner is kind of a wonderful place, and we hope that pretty soon your daughter will be pulling on your hand to get inside the classroom faster.
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Fresh Take: Joe "Mr. D" Dombrowski on the Fresh Hells of Teaching During a Pandemic
Joe "Mr. D" Dombrowski is a professional comedian. He also teaches kindergarten.
In other words: he knows how to work a tough crowd.
You probably know Joe from his viral YouTube videos, his many appearances on Ellen, or his Social Studies podcast.
In this hilarious and insightful interview, Joe tells us how this crazy school year has gone from a teacher's point of view, what skills our kids might need to relearn as they reenter a classroom, and why kindergarteners are the very best.
Follow Joe on all the socials at @mrdtimesthree, and sign up to find out about all his upcoming tour dates at mrdtimesthree.com.
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Mom Rock-Bottoms
What’s your mom rock-bottom? The moment when you thought I’m just going to head for the border and start a new life?
We asked you all for the worst mom moments you were actually willing to share in open court. About 45% of your stories involved vomit and poop, which makes sense, since about 45% of motherhood overall includes those same two factors.
But rest assured, the variety in our rock-bottoms is vast, and our listeners came through with many series of unfortunate events that, in our eyes, are all winners. At being the very worst mom life has to offer.
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Ask Margaret - How Do I Get My Kids to Play Together?
When we have multiple kids we dream of them romping together all day in the yard as joyful playmates! The reality is often a little more complicated.
Ashley asked: How do you encourage older siblings to play with younger ones? Covid has made this even more challenging, since we're all around each other a lot. My kids are four years apart: boy age 9, girl age 5.
We need to manage our expectations that siblings will be best friends. It is understandable that our kids are tired of each other's company, especially during the pandemic. But there are ways that we can encourage our kids to play together, and the best way is to model play for them. When we get in there and play with our kids, we set up an expectation that play is part of what we do together as a family. Whether it's simple card games that both older and younger siblings can play together, or showing them how to play H-O-R-S-E at the basketball hoop, we can help our kids improve their ability to play together.
Once you've introduced group play to your kids, you need to create expectations around it. Set aside times of day as "playtime," during which your kids are expected to play together. Those expectations need to be consistent to overcome any protestations of "We're bored! We don't know what to do!" If it's really not working, spend the first 20 minutes playing with them. Then step out of the play with the expectation that they will continue for a set amount of time.
We think of "play" as something that kids do naturally. In fact, playing together is something that needs to be modeled and encouraged in order for it to happen. Don't be afraid to have firm expectations around play, and spend some time modeling play for your kids, so that they come to value playing together as an important part of their day.
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Fresh Take: Janice Johnson Dias on Raising Joyful, Change-Making Kids
Janice Johnson Dias is a professor of sociology at John Jay College. She is co-founder and president of the public health and social action organization GrassROOTS Community Foundation and its SuperCamp for girls. Her collaborative work on black girls’ mental, sexual, and physical health issues earned her a special Congressional recognition. Born in Jamaica, Janice moved to the United States at age twelve and now lives in New Jersey with her husband, daughter, and dog.
Janice's new book is PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS: HOW TO RAISE JOYFUL, CHANGE-MAKING GIRLS.
In this conversation, Janice explains how we can embolden both our daughters and our sons to find their passions– but only by finding our own passions first. Janice argues that change-making is the path to true joy.
You can find PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS here in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781984819628
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Letting Kids Make Mistakes
There are benefits to our kids making mistakes, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. Some kids have tons of flexibility and safety around trying new things, around failing. Others not so much.
In this episode we discuss:
- how the brain lights up when a mistake is made, paying extra attention
- why being very wrong about a fact once ensures you will always remember it thereafter
- the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset– and how mistakes encourage the latter
- Carol Dweck and what she calls the power of "not yet"
- how we can make our homes "mistake-friendly environments"
Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Claudia Wallis for Mind/Shift: Why Mistakes Matter in Creating A Path For Learning
Dr. Janet Metcalfe, Columbia University: “Learning from Errors,”
Carol S. Dweck for TED: "The Power of Yet"
Carol S. Dweck: Mindset
Jo Boaler for youcubed.org: Mistakes Grow Your Brain
Melissa Taylor for Brightly: What Is a ‘Just Right’ Book? Reading Levels Explained
Dr. Jason Moser for Frontiers In Human Neuroscience: On the relationship between anxiety and error monitoring: a meta-analysis and conceptual framework
Sesame Street: Mary Had a Little Lamb
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Ask Amy- When Your Kids' Creative Projects Are Also Huge Messes
How can I encourage my kids’ creativity and self-directed play while also setting limits on the messes they make?
Erin emailed us to say:
My kids are 3, 5, and 7 and during the pandemic they’ve really played together well and have learned to entertain themselves. BUT they are driving me crazy with all of their “great ideas” and huge projects. I’m talking about packing for an imaginary camping trip with all of their real clothes that I will have to sort and fold later. Putting on swimsuits on the first warm day of fake spring and filling the kiddie pool with water and ending up covered in mud in 60 degree weather.
You get the idea. I love their creativity and ambition but I can’t manage and clean up these huge messes every single day. How can I put boundaries around it so it’s not such a disaster afterwards?
Anyone who's ever renovated a kitchen or made a short film has heard of the "Golden Triangle" of project management. On the triangle's corners are three goals: Good. Fast. Cheap. You can pick any 2. You can't have all 3.
When it comes to kids having fun, the three points on that triangle are Child-Led. Exciting. Neat. Once again, going for all three is not usually a reasonable goal. If the kids' messes are really getting to you–no shame in that, by the way– a little more parental oversight might be required in the planning stages. If you really need an hour to yourself, and they're playing happily, there might be an entirely emptied bookshelf waiting for you on the other side.
Even then, there's a difference between a messy playroom and muddy footprints in the kitchen. The latter require immediate and focused effort; the former, if you can stand waiting it out, can be something the kids are in charge of cleaning up, before their next desired activity.
It's okay to put parameters around your kids' big plans that work for you. When it comes to cleanup, why not let these big thinkers and team-planners come up with a group solution? Then be sure to "catch them being good" and heap on the praise when they are actually helpful in getting things back to one.
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Fresh Take: Michelle Icard on the 14 Talks Parents Need To Have With Their Kids Before They Turn 14
This week we're talking to Michelle Icard, middle-schooler whisperer and author of the new book FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School.
Michelle says that tweens have begun "the necessary and difficult work of pulling away," but they're still at an age where what their parents say can have enormous impact. Michelle's work helps parents position themselves so that our kids trust what we have to say, and that we won't freak out when they come to ask us questions or seek guidance.
In this episode you'll learn what to say and how to say it when it comes to all the conversations you need to be having with your kids. The conversations in Michelle's book go well beyond the ones we all know and dread (sex, alcohol, drugs, consent) to equally crucial topics you might not have considered (friendships, creativity). You'll find tons of resources and confidence in this book and in this episode.
Find FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN in our bookshop.org store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593137512
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When It's Okay To Be Emotional In Front of Our Kids
Is it okay for us to be emotional in front of our kids?
Julie, one of our podcast listeners, asked this question in our Facebook group:
Is it good for kiddos to see their moms have emotions? And how can we talk through our emotions with our kids? My grandmother lost her husband when my dad was 11 years old. She had four kids, no job.She had to take care of everything. Once I asked her how she coped with all of that, and she said she just held it together, always, except when she cried in the shower at night. At first, I thought, wow, how strong of her. Now that I have kids, I kind of wonder: is shower crying always good? Never good. Sometimes good?
Shower crying is definitely better than swallowing emotions entirely. And there are times when our emotions, and/or the situations causing them, are too unsettling for our kids to handle. Sometimes it's good for kids to see our emotions, but we shouldn't be asking kids to hold them for us.
But studies show that children whose mothers express emotions like sadness or loneliness in their presence are more emotionally literate as they grow. By serving as “emotional coaches” for our kids, and modeling how we process difficult moments in our own lives, we can raise kids more able to handle such moments themselves.
In this episode we discuss when it’s okay to be emotional in front of our kids, why suppressing our emotions entirely might not work as well as we think it does, and when shower cries are most certainly called for. Good news: we don't have to fear that showing our vulnerability is a bad thing.
Our listener Jennifer summed it up best: "I don’t hide the most intense parts of being human from the people I’m trying to help on their journey as humans.”
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
John Lamble for The Conversation: Should you hide negative emotions from children?
Gottman Institute: Parental Meta-Emotion Philosophy and the Emotional Life of Families
Bonnie Le for Personality and Social Psychology: The Costs of Suppressing Negative Emotions and Amplifying Positive Emotions During Parental Caregiving
Judy Dunn and Jane Brown for Developmental Psychology: Family Talk About Feeling States and Children's Later Understanding Of Others' Emotions
Woody Harrelson explains how to handle unpleasant emotions on Cheers
"Turn it Off" from The Book of Mormon
Toilet-Training Toddler Declares, 'I Didn't Poop, I Peed!'
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Ask Margaret - How Should I Talk to My Child's Caregiver About Discipline?
Leaving our kids in the care of others is stressful and tends to bring out a strong need for control. But when it comes to working with a nanny or a day care provider, this may not be the best approach.
Rather than trying to control everything your nanny or caregiver does, try to be clear from the very beginning about your expectations about discipline and any other issues that are important to you. Prepare questions when you interview a caregiver that explore a range of scenarios that may come up.
Some examples:
- When a child doesn't listen to your instructions, how would you respond?
- Have you worked with children who you had to discipline repeatedly? How did you handle it?
- What are your favorite kinds of meals to prepare? What foods do you think it's important for kids to eat?
Once you've employed your caregiver, revisit these conversations often. Strategize at the end of the day about behavior problems that are coming up and how to handle them. Another good idea is to write down your expectations and then prioritize them. For your family, wearing seatbelts and using sunscreen might be non-negotiables, but when it comes to eating healthy, there might be room for the occasional ice cream cone after a day at the park.
Being clear with your own expectations means you don't have to have the same conversations over and over– and allows your caregiver to feel more secure in his or her role with your child. A caregiver is not a computer that accepts "if/then" instructions. Being extremely clear on your absolutes and then allowing your caregiver to function with some degree of independence will lead to a happier relationship for everyone.
In this episode Margaret cites this article from Very Well Family: https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-get-your-nanny-on-board-with-your-discipline-1095068
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Extremely Achievable Family Traditions
What are some small traditions we can lean on right now to create more joy and meaning for our families? We’re talking LITTLE. Preferably free. Not exhausting. Super fun. Lifetime of memories created.
Our listener Lee inspired this topic in our Facebook group:
What about an episode about fun or special traditions for the rest of the year? When I was growing up, the “birthday person” always got breakfast in bed. I’ve brought the tradition to my own family as an adult, and it’s such a fun and special way to start the day. I’ve been trying to build more traditions for my young family (my kids are 3 and 6), especially during the pandemic, since we haven’t seen our extended family much, and a lot of our other markers are missing.
In this episode we discuss some of our (and our listeners’) favorite family traditions.
A few Rules of Traditions we discovered while recording this episode:
- Giving the ordinary a special name, song, day of the week is part of what makes it a tradition. Pizza Friday! Porch Popsicle Time! It’s all in the branding.
- Traditions are like leprechauns: if you go looking for one, you probably won’t find it, but you can tell when one has appeared. Keep your eyes and ears open for fun moments that can become traditions simply by repeating them.
- Limitations are where the ingenuity– and the fun– comes in. What Rube Goldberg creation can be made exclusively with what’s in this junk drawer? What famous painting can we recreate using old bedsheets?
This moment we’re all in is tough. It’s also a crucible where family traditions might be formed. Even thinking about tradition-making has lifted our spirits– the idea that we can find “little fun” that might somehow become what will be remembered of this year we’ve all spent mostly at home.
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Ask Amy- Should I Be Worried About My Teen's Isolation?
When is a teen happily isolated– or at least content– and when is it something a parent should be concerned about, particularly during the pandemic?
This week's question comes from Kate in our Facebook group:
When should one worry about a teenager's lack of desire to be with friends? For my 15-year-old it’s always been an issue, but since we moved two years ago, he’s been even more in the “I don’t care” camp than before. Outside of soccer and school, he doesn’t ever see friends, and says he doesn’t want to. All this is only made worse by the pandemic.
Over the last year most of us have had more access to our kids' moment-to-moment existences than we had previously. That means we’re seeing more of things that might have always been there, and are therefore fine– and things that are new to us and actually should spark our concern.
Some introverted children really are more content right now. If an adolescent is not expressing signs of depression and anxiety, than a teenager in his room all the time might be a content hermit, even if that has not been his parent's pandemic experience.
Some sadness is fine too. Sadness makes sense right now. So how can a parent tell the difference between content self-isolation, some sadness about this tough moment, and depression?
NYU child psych Dr. Aleta Angelosante offers this checklist of what to watch for in a teenager's mood:
https://nyulangone.org/news/checking-your-teenagers-mood-during-covid-19-pandemic
In this episode, Amy discusses some of the behaviors to watch for, and how to address concerns you might have with your teen. Don't put off the conversation because it might go poorly; it very well may, but your loving concern will be heard.
I’m putting resources in the show notes- reach out to pediatrician- get a telehealth appointment with a professional if necessary, it can work a lot better than you’d think. one thing the pandemic has actually made easier.
Dr. Angelosante further suggests these resources for parents. If you have concerns, don't hesitate to reach out to your child's pediatrician, or to a mental health professional.
- Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Watch, Ask and Listen: How to Tell if Your Child or Teen Is Anxious or Depressed
- Society of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology: Effective Child Therapy
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Resources to Support Adolescent Mental Health
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! Email us- questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Moms Are Not Okay
How we doing, moms? If you're anything like us, your domestic situation has blown past “getting old” to “seriously guys, we cannot do this anymore” to fetal-position numbness and beyond. And there’s nothing for dinner, and the 5th grader is failing math, and our boss just asked if that wasn’t “someone’s kid” he just heard on the background of our work Zoom call. (Why yes. Yes, it was.)
The New York Times recently released a series called “The Primal Scream” examining the pandemic’s effect on working moms in America. As we come up on the one-year anniversary of this crisis we thought would take a couple of weeks, let's face it: all moms are kind of falling apart. As Dekeda Brown, a mother of two profiled in the Times’ stories, explains:
“We are holding together with the same tape that we have been using since March.”
In this episode, we discuss how it’s going for us (not great) and offer a few solutions for making this Groundhog-Day time a tad more survivable.
Here are some of the articles we mention in this episode:
Jessica Bennett for NYT: Three American Mothers, On The Brink
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/02/04/parenting/covid-pandemic-mothers-primal-scream.html
Jessica Grose for NYT: America’s Mothers Are In Crisis
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/04/parenting/working-moms-mental-health-coronavirus.html
Laurel Elder: Parenthood and Politics in the Era of Covid-19
https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3762600
Pooja Lakshmin for NYT: How Society Has Turned Its Back On Mothers
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/04/parenting/working-mom-burnout-coronavirus.html
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Ask Margaret - Do I Get a Say On Who My Kids' Friends Are?
This week's listener question comes from Kristen in our Facebook group:
How much input should I have on my kids' choice of friends?
This is a hard one. Ceding control over our kids' lives is anxiety-producing, and one of the first ways we need to practice letting go is when our kids choose friends that - let's say - wouldn't have been our first choice for them.
So that's the bad news.
The good news is that we do still have a role to play in this situation. Just as with our own kids, when we address the behavior of our kids' friends, rather than their character, we'll get better results. We can (and should!) verbalize things like "I don't like when I see [insert friend's name] using bad language." That message will be heard by our child with a lot less defensiveness than if we say "That [insert friend's name] is such a bad kid!"
Here are other things you can consider doing if you're worried about the kinds of friends your kid is choosing:
- Keep your child involved in a range of activities, so they're exposed to a wider potential friend group.
- Have gatherings at your house so you can get a better sense of your child's friendship dynamics and how they're playing out.
- Help your child develop "prospecting" by talking about behavior and consequences frequently.
- Implement concrete consequences for a friend's inappropriate behavior. If your child knows she'll lose her phone for the day if her friend sends her an inappropriate text, she might be more motivate to set her own boundaries on that friend's behavior (or that friendship).
Our kids' friends can sometimes seem to have an outsized amount of influence over our kids. Hence our concern as parents. But if we are consistent with our own expectations and discipline, we can help our children navigate a range of friendships successfully.
Hear more about this topic in our episode "Kid Friend Breakups":
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2018/05/kid-friend-breakups-episode-55/
And if you have a question for Margaret or Amy you can submit them to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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BEST OF: Anger Management for Kids
This week we're introducing a "From The Vault" series, reconsidering some of our favorite episodes of the past four years. Our kids still get angry (imagine that) so time to revisit this one.
The best way to handle our children’s anger is to equip them with the tools to handle it themselves. You don’t have to smother children's emotions in order to calm them down; as your kids get older, you really can't. But you don’t need to throw up your hands and accommodate their anger and everything that comes with it, either.
We talk at length in this episode about an excellent book for kids on this topic: “What To Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide To Overcoming Problems With Anger.”by Dawn Huebner. The book is aimed at grade-schoolers, but there’s much to learn in here for kids of all ages (and their parents)!
Whether your kid is 4 or 14, this episode will help you stand outside their storms and get your calm house back a little sooner.
If you’d like a transcript of this episode, you can find it here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2021/02/angermanagementtranscript/
If you’d like to do a deep-dive on anger management for parents, check out our “Sometimes We Lose It” episode here.
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Setting Boundaries
It often becomes clear to us where our boundaries should have been set only after those lines have been crossed and left far behind. But whether it's with overbearing extended family members or partners who leave socks on the floor, how do we create effective boundaries? Especially after it's been established that we're not very good at it, and especially in a world that doesn't very much like women who aren't afraid to set them?
In this episode we discuss why boundaries should be set early and often– and not just in problematic relationships, either. Healthy boundaries with our spouses, partners, and co-workers are what make long-term relationships possible. And don't forget positive boundaries. Want to start setting aside more money each month? Having one date night a week, or one weekend morning when you get to sleep in? It starts with saying so.
Living in a pandemic has made it unavoidable: we all have to say out loud what feels safe for us and our families. We can seize that opportunity to practice the difficult conversations. Those on the other sides of those conversations are entitled to their reactions and opinions. But that doesn't necessarily mean that setting the boundary was wrong.
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Fatherly: 16 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries With Your Extended Family
Mark Manson: Boundaries
Elizabeth Earnshaw for Mind Body Green: A Therapist Explains 6 Things People Get Wrong About Setting Boundaries
Sarah Saweikis for Medium: Scared to Set Boundaries? How to Set Boundaries to Improve Your Relationships and Increase Peace of Mind
Brianna Wiest: The Honest Truth About Why Some People Can't Set Boundaries
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Ask Amy- Surviving The "Only Mommy" Phase
This week's listener question comes from Rosie in our Facebook group:
My little guy is in the “only want mommy” slash “must be touching mommy” phase. Any advice on how to not go insane and to still get things done with a 26-pound, 17-month old attached to my hip? Disclaimer: of course i give him all the snuggles, and I know it’s just a phase. But I’m going a little crazy.
Yes, the "only mommy" phase isn't forever– and it's not something you have to train out of your kid. But it can be overwhelming while you're in it. It's okay for you to take breaks, and it's okay for your toddler not to like it. But understanding where it's coming from might make getting through this stage a little easier.
Toddlers sticking close to their primary caregivers is a biological imperative: if the cave toddler lost his parent, he wouldn't eat. These days, the stakes are more akin to "might not have my cinnamon raisin toast buttered to my exact specifications," but routine and structure and control over the little things are what your toddler is focusing on right now as he figures out his world.
If you have a spouse or co-parent, lean in to that person doing some of your toddler's very preferred activities. That partner might also be feeling hurt if the toddler is rejecting them; support them in that disappointment and reassure them that it's temporary. And if there's any small part of you secretly happy to be so indispensable to your child, that’s only human. Just make sure you’re not leaning in to it too much.
Hear more about this topic in our episode "When Kids Prefer The Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)":
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/07/preferotherparent-ep115/
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Fresh Take: Dr. Harold Koplewicz on the Best Way To Support Our Kids
This week we're talking to Dr. Harold Koplewicz, one of the nation's leading child and adolescent psychiatrists and the founding president of the Child Mind Institute, a national nonprofit dedicated to transforming the lives of children struggling with mental health and learning disorders.
Dr. Koplewicz is also the author of the new book THE SCAFFOLD EFFECT: Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant and Secure Kids in an Age of Anxiety, which guides parents through strategies for raising empowered, capable people.
In this episode, we discuss Dr. Koplewicz's suggestion that we create scaffolding around our children as they create their own lives. We're not the architects, we're not the builders– as parents, we're there to support the cantilevered balconies of our children's passions and interests, even if they're not at all what we imagined things would look like, or what we would build ourselves.
Miscalculations are part of the plan for our children to learn resiliency and self-reliance. Dr. Koplewicz suggests scaffolding as the best way to encourage kids to climb higher and try new things, in order that they can grow from those mistakes.
Find The Scaffold Effect in our Bookshop store:
https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593139349
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The Things We're Never Going Back To
This last (almost) year has been full of challenges. On the other hand, so many things that we thought had to be a certain way– weekends packed with travel sports, weddings with hundreds of guests, the wearing of Spanx– have been proven surprisingly optional.
In this episode, we discuss the things that we and our listeners are hereby declaring we’ll never do, or wear, or worry about again. From pants with buttons to touching strangers, we are here to say that a new path forward is eminently possible.
We mention our episode "What This Has Taught Us About Our Kids"– you can listen to that episode here: https://bit.ly/WFHep162
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Ask Margaret - Talking to Kids About Death
Today's question comes from our Facebook group:
"My son is 5 years old and in pre-K. One of the kiddos in his class lost his dad when he was very young. Since learning this, my son has started asking us about death, and has started worrying that something is going to happen to me or my husband. I'm not sure how to talk to him about it. I want him to know that it does happen, and we need to be compassionate to his friend, but also don't want him to worry every day. How can I bring this hard topic down to his level?"
Five years old is a developmentally-appropriate age for kids to start having significant questions about death, along with real worries about dying themselves or losing one of their parents. That's true whether or not they've experienced the death of someone close to them.
These questions can be hard for parents because, unlike most of the other questions our kids ask, we don't have any perfectly satisfying answers to provide. Questions like "Why did my friend's dad die so young?" or "Are you going to die, Mommy?" can rattle us because we find these questions frightening and difficult ourselves.
The solution is to talk openly and honestly with our children about death. Avoid metaphors and imagery like "He's gone to a better place," or "He's sleeping with the angels," which can confuse kids or make them think death is temporary. Instead, try to speak plainly about death, even if you find it very difficult. Explain that when people die, they don't come back. That is why death feels so sad for those who are still living. These discussions can– and should– also involve your own beliefs and religious traditions.
Margaret also cites Anya Kamanetz's NPR article "Be Honest and Concrete: Tips for Talking To Kids About Death." Kamanetz reminds us that kids take in knowledge the way they eat an apple - a few small bites at a time. It's a great reminder to avoid overburdening kids with too much information. Instead, answer questions as they come up, read books that deal with death in an age-appropriate way, and discuss them openly– so your kids always feel that they have a chance to talk out things with you, even if those things feel scary.
Margaret praises the book 'Tuck Everlasting' in this episode, which is available in our Bookshop store:
https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780312369811
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Fresh Take: Dr. Christine Koh On Building a Family After Adverse Childhood Experiences
Dr. Christine Koh, in her own words, is a "music and brain scientist turned multimedia creative." Christine creates content to help people live better, happier, and with elevated purpose and intention, including the Edit Your Life podcast. She's also someone who grew up with adverse childhood experiences, and has experience in building a family when our family of origin was not the kind of family we want.
In this episode we discuss the measurable physiological detriments of toxic stress; the importance of safe, stable, nurturing environments; and most importantly, that it is possible for significant challenges of early adversity to be met once they are no longer cloaked in shame. As Vincent Felitti, co-founder of the ACE Study, explains: “When we make it okay to talk about what happened, it removes the power that secrecy so often has.”
Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Christine Koh: The Adults Who Saved Me And What You Need To Know About ACEs
Donna Jackson Nakazawa for Psychology Today: 8 Ways People Recover From Post Childhood Adversity Syndrome
Dr. Nerissa Bauer for healthychildren.org: ACEs- Adverse Childhood Experiences
NPR.org: Take the ACE Quiz- And Learn What It Does And Doesn't Mean
CDC.gov: Adverse Childhood Experiences
and follow Christine and her work at christinekoh.com
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How To Stop Having The Same Fight
Having the same fight doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. But it is totally annoying. In this episode we discuss the modes of negativity at play when we repeat the same conflicts- and what we can do to break the cycle, whether it’s our partners or kids.
Conflict may be unavoidable- but it can be at least a little more productive.
Here are links to some of the takes on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
We The Norths on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights: The Number System
Esther Perel for Cosmopolitan: How to Stop Having the Same Fight With Your Boyfriend All the Time
Kristine Fellizar for Bustle: 7 Hacks To Avoid Having The Same Fight Over & Over In Your Relationship
Charlotte Latvala for Good Housekeeping: More Fun, Less Fighting
Eckhart Tolle on Oprah Super Sunday: How To Identify And Stop Your Pain Body
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Ask Amy: When Your Kid is Super-Clingy
This week's parenting question comes from a listener in our Facebook group:
I have a clingy 9-year-old. I love her more than life itself, but I am having a hard time with feeling totally smothered. I go for a walk every morning for about 30 minutes (for sanity) and every morning she asks, "How long will you be gone? 30 minutes? Can I come? Pleeease?"
I stress the importance of alone time for me and that it makes me a better mama. She watches for me out the window. It's like having a puppy. Yes, it's anxiety related. I had anxiety as a kid and I recognize it, but we are together 24 hours a day and I feel like I'm starting to crack.
You're right to suspect that your super-clingy kid is motivated by anxiety. We can meet anxiety with empathy, but we need to beware accommodating it. Don't let those goalposts get moved: a half-hour walk is definitely good, both for your parental sanity and for your kid's realizing she can survive 30 minutes without you.
Amy offers a few suggestions that worked with her own clingy kid:
- "catch her" being independent and offer praise, rather than provide negative attention for the clinginess
- offer quality time doing her preferred activity when she doesn't complain about your alone time earlier in the day
- create "special time" for this child and another adult during which No Mommies Are Allowed
- get your child a pet (a big ask, for sure, but for kids who are physically clingy, something cuddly can be an effective Mom substitute)
There are more great suggestions in this Very Well Family article by therapist Amy Morin:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-deal-with-a-clingy-child-3863401
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Fresh Take: Dr. Edward Hallowell on the Newest Science and Essential Strategies for ADHD
This week we're delighted to be talking to Dr. Edward M. Hallowell– one of the world's leading experts on ADHD. Dr. Hallowell's new book, co-authored with Dr. John J. Ratey, is ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--From Childhood Through Adulthood.
Dr. Hallowell gives us concrete strategies– and tons of optimism– for those lucky enough to possess what Dr. Hallowell calls the "Variable Attention Stimulus Trait."
Whether you have a child with ADHD, suspect you might, or even have had some lingering thoughts about your own ability to focus– Dr. Hallowell's cutting-edge research and surprising new strategies will fascinate you.
Read the transcript of our entire interview with Dr. Hallowell on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2021/01/dredwardhallowell/
grab your copy of ADHD 2.0 from our Bookshop store:
https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780399178733
and connect with Dr. Hallowell:
https://drhallowell.com
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Okay, We Annoy Ourselves Also
This podcast is always here to support moms in their righteous anger at all the completely infuriating and totally trivial things that people all over the world are constantly doing to annoy us. Usually someone related to us. But this week, we're looking inward– because sometimes we totally annoy ourselves also. In this episode we come clean about the things we do that are so irksome that we even annoy OURSELVES. (And then keep doing them anyway.)
We also explore some of the confessions of self-annoyance from some of our listeners, like Alexa, who rarely refills the Brita pitcher and so then has to stand there getting old waiting for her next glass of water; or Rachel, who ruins her own life by only ever pulling out of parking spots in a single direction; or Karen, who loads the kids in the car and then goes back inside to do one more thing and who, for all we know, is still in there doing who knows what.
Who knows why we do these things? We see you. We feel your self-annoyance.
Special thanks to Heather, who wrote in to tell us that if you keep a small bottle of isopropyl alcohol in the car, and have anyone who feels carsick take a deep sniff, you can usually head the vomiting off at the pass. Really! https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/13/well/live/a-cure-for-nausea-try-sniffing-alcohol.html
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Ask Margaret - How To Turn Off Screens Without Tears
Today's question comes from Crystal in our Facebook group (facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast):
My six-year-old son is very difficult at the end of screen time. He gets one hour in the afternoon, but always fusses, grunts angrily, or melts down when time is up.
I feel like in a normal world, I'd just take screen time away when he gives me attitude. But these days, we are home all the time, and it’s the one thing he enjoys.
How do I help him develop the ability to regulate his emotions in this situation?
The biggest thing a parent can do to help a child regulate their emotions around transitions is to provide runways. Doing this will ensure that the transition of getting off screens isn't a sudden splash of cold water for your kid.
Try using a visual timer - so that kids who struggle with the hypothetical concept of "one hour" can easily see how much screen time they have left.
You can also verbally count down the hour by saying "45 minutes left", "30 minutes left," et cetera, but we think it's always better to let the timer be the bad guy.
Once it's time to turn screens off, allowing a brief grace period for your child to finish their current level or video helps give them some sense of control. Once that happens, transition immediately to another preferred activity. This does not have to be elaborate; it can be as simple as "let's have a glass of milk together in the kitchen."
If your child still melts down after you've implemented these strategies, then it's time for consequences– but make them immediate. Saying "if you fuss now, you'll have no screens later" provides a delayed consequence that doesn't work as well, especially for younger kids. Try addressing the behavior with an immediate consequence– a time out, or loss of access to the preferred activity that was coming up next.
Finally, apply all of these techniques consistently. Keep the time remaining clear, allow for grace periods, enforce immediate consequences when necessary, and this behavior should improve.
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!
questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Fresh Take: Mirna Valerio Tells Us How To Find Our Fitness
Mirna Valerio is a runner, adventurer, speaker, and anti-racism educator.
In this Fresh Take interview, Mirna tells us how she fell off the fitness wagon after becoming a mom, how that first mile went once she made herself lace up her running shoes again, and her path to becoming an endurance athlete since then. Even if we’re not all cut out to run 100 kilometers in the desert– or even want to– Mirna tells us why fitness is worth it, and how to reacquaint ourselves with fitness, no matter how long we’ve been out of the game.
“I believe in having the long view. Look, I'm still a big girl. I’m going to be a big girl. But my long view, my overarching goal, is long-term health and wellness. What am I doing to put long-term health and wellness in the bank for later? What am I doing today to ensure that I have long-term health and wellness?”
We also discuss how we, as women, are entitled to name what we need– and how that well-timed help, especially when we ask for it, is the very thing that will allow us to get back up and keep running.
Acknowledge how you're feeling. Give yourself some grace. Start today.
Find Mirna on her website: https://themirnavator.com/
and at @themirnavator on Instagram and Twitter
Catch Mirna’s winter workout on @thev1ve: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKCGndXj-oS/
and join the Fatgirlrunning group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Fatgirlrunning-939724599403584
Here are links to some of the other things we discuss in this episode:
Mirna Valerio for Self: Open Letter To Women Who Aren’t Putting Their Needs First
https://www.self.com/story/mirna-valerio-open-letter-to-women-who-arent-putting-their-needs-first
Kate Martin at Unheard LA: The Rescue
https://www.thekatemartin.com/storytelling
Caravaggio’s Conversion on the Way to Damascus
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_on_the_Way_to_Damascus
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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The Mom That Covid Has Made Me
We asked our listeners to tell us how life with Covid has affected their own parenting. Some of us have gotten more socially anxious; others, like the moms of kids with severe allergies, have found the isolation reassuring. Some of us have treasured the extra time with our children; others are nearing their breaking point. Some of us are stressing about the screen time; others are thrilled we’re not interrupting our kids to go to travel soccer for a change.
This topic was inspired by Kristen Howerton’s essay for The New York Times, “I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Me.” Kristen explains how she’s become THAT mom, the kind who spies on her own teenagers and yells at them for not wearing masks. She thought she hated that kind of parent– and now it’s her.
How has Covid changed your parenting? Will those changes be longer-term than this pandemic?
Here are links to some things we discuss in this episode:
Kristen Howerton for The New York Times: I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Me
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/28/opinion/covid-parenting.html
Tomas Pueyo: The Hammer and the Dance
https://tomaspueyo.medium.com/coronavirus-the-hammer-and-the-dance-be9337092b56
Neil Kramer’s photograph series of life in quarantine:
https://petapixel.com/2021/01/09/a-photographers-hilarious-photos-of-being-stuck-in-quarantine-with-ex-wife-and-mother/
David Foster Wallace: This is Water
https://fs.blog/2012/04/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/
as well as our episodes with Katherine May, author of Wintering: http://bit.ly/WFHwintering
and "What This Has Taught Us About Our Kids": http://bit.ly/WFHep162
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Ask Amy - My Kid Thinks There Are Monsters Under The Bed
This week’s question comes from Jaclyn in our Facebook group (facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast):
"Would love some advice for the "monsters under the bed" phase. My three-year-old is worse than he was as a newborn, waking me up 30 times at night! If I ignore him, he will scream and cry, then come into our room. I could let him sleep with us, but he doesn't sleep well when he is in our bed, and neither do we. I tried to put a bed for him on the floor of our room, but he kept asking for more items-water, blankets, pillows, etc. Help!"
In his book The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Jonathan Karp considers kids' developmental stages as a replay of humanity's evolutionary stages. A 12-18 month old is a "charming chimp-child," 18-24 months is a little Bam-Bam, and by 3 years old, kids have gotten about as sophisticated as someone alive during the Middle Ages might have been.
To people alive in the Middle Ages, vampires were real. They didn't have the luxury of going to therapy to unpack what was behind their fear of someone coming to drink their blood; they put some garlic around their necks and went to bed feeling a little better about their chances of waking up in the morning.
For kids who still believe in magical things as being fully possible, the best "protection" parents can offer them from something scary but imaginary might be something equally unreal and totally wonderful.
For Amy's daughter, drawing a picture of her guardian angel to put next to her bad was enough to move her past her absolute certainty that Edward Scissorhands was coming to get her. All the rationalizing that Amy had tried before that faile, but to her daughter, the angel's protection was real. Instead of talking her daughter out of it, Amy found that a little "good magic" was the far more effective response.
To be clear: a preschooler waking up at night that much might have something else going on, from a soaking-wet Pull-Up to something that might be worth mentioning to your pediatrician. But a spray bottle full of water, also known as No-Monsters-In-Here Magic Elixir, might be more effective than you'd think.
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Fresh Take: Ned Johnson on The Self-Driven Child
This week we’re talking to Ned Johnson, co-author (with William Stixrud) of THE SELF-DRIVEN CHILD: THE SCIENCE AND SENSE OF GIVING YOUR KIDS MORE CONTROL OVER THEIR LIVES, which explores how fostering children’s autonomy can help solve two challenges seemingly endemic to kids today: handling anxiety and developing intrinsic motivation.
Ned's research underlines a surprising paradox: when we try to remove stress from our children's lives by smoothing over the bumps in their paths, we inadvertently create MORE stress for our children. As Ned explains:
“A sense of control strengthens the regulation of the amygdala. It is by successfully handling stressful situations in a supportive environment that kids develop strong stress tolerance and resilience."
In this episode we discuss
- how one's levels of stress are affected by novelty, unpredictability, and our overall sense of control
- the difference between "tolerable stress" and toxic stress
- how to be "homework consultants" for our kids without controlling the outcome
- why "radical downtime" is so crucial for kids' development
Not sure when you should back off, or not? Here's Ned's overall takeaway:
"When we talk about kids having a sense of control, it's not that we want to put a toddler in charge of the household, or tell her "you've got to go hunt for your own food" or something. It's simply that we don't want to do for kids that which they can do for themselves."
The Self-Driven Child is available from our What Fresh Hell Bookshop page:
https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780735222526
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Your Life Begins Again When... (The Second Half of Parenting)
This week we bring a hopeful message from your parenting future: it gets easier.
Our listener Kristen went on our Facebook group page with this challenge:
The second part of your life begins when your kids can get dressed to go outside in the snow by themselves and play out there without adult supervision. What's your version of “the second part of your life begins…”?
In this episode, we talk about when your life of pre-parenting ease comes back into focus.
Is it when your kids can go upstairs, take a shower, and put on their own pajamas?
Or when you no longer have to push the swing at the playground?
Or when they can navigate a flight of stairs safely?
Or when they can turn on a screen at 6:30 a.m. without waking you?
The answer to all of the above is YES. And we celebrate them all.
In this episode, Amy mentions the study "Car Seats as Contraception," and Margaret touts these disposable vomit bags for the carsick kiddos:
It’s a new year! What better way to start it off than by making sure your kids (and therefore, YOU) are getting more sleep? Make bedtime less stressful with soothing bedtime audio stories set in the magical, moonlit world of Moshi. The Moshi app features hours of bedtime “stories" created by an award-winning team of writers and composers. Download the Moshi app on Apple’s App Store or Google Play Store, and you’ll get access to a 1-week free trial of Moshi Premium, so you can try Moshi Sleep for your family.
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Ask Margaret- My Kid Is Sneaking Food and Screens Up To Her Room
Today's question comes from Elizabeth:
How do you address sneakiness? Having some trouble with rule-breaking lately. Things that are not totally off-limits but do have limits, like candy or screens, are appearing in bedrooms after the adults go to sleep. It's driving me batty and I'd appreciate any advice!
Sneakiness in our kids can really set us off as parents. The idea that our children would directly defy our carefully established rules is often really upsetting.
The good news? Our kids, especially when they are young, tend to be really, really bad at being sneaky. This means that we're going to discover the wrappers or the left-behind screens they've been attempting to hide pretty much every time.
So how do we react?
Margaret suggests a three-step approach:
- React calmly. Don't give your kiddo the satisfaction of seeing you blow your top.
- Offer an alternative. ("If you are hungry at night, let's start having something right before bed.")
- Respond with consistent consequences. ("Every time I find a screen upstairs in your room, you will have no screens at all the following day.")
By taking the emotion out of your interaction, and giving your kids consistent negative outcomes, you'll remind them of the boundaries that exist, and make the sneakiness and boundary-testing less interesting.
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!
Email us- questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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2020: What Was That?
2020: seriously, you guys. What was THAT?
In this episode we look back at a very problematic year, and toast our survival as we acknowledge our many struggles. We review what we've learned/ hope to learn/ hope to one day never ever think about again.
We also discuss what we learned from some of our favorite episodes of 2020, and have gathered them in a playlist here:https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4UCfa2pUXKYB653bJVcKsO
We also give special thanks to those who work behind the scenes to make this show possible:
editor Christy Haussler of Team Podcast: https://www.teampodcast.com/
producer Sarah Levithan
social media support from Christina Hart: https://www.instagram.com/itschristinahart/
branding by Jake Lang Digital: https://www.jakelangdigital.com/services
cartoon logo by Emily Pelton: https://emilypelton87.wixsite.com/emilypelton
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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We Ask Each Other Burning Questions
After four years of doing this podcast, we know a lot about each other. In this episode, we ask the burning questions that remain, like:
If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
Who is your celebrity crush? (warning: #oldilocksalert)
What was your worst job ever?
What do you, in 2020, want to be when you grow up?
What would you grab in a fire?
We also mention a few of our favorite books, all of which are always available in our Bookshop store:
https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Ask Amy- How Can I Help My Reluctant Pooper?
This week’s question comes from Sarah:
My 22-month-old daughter is an infrequent pooper. She regularly goes 3-5 days between bowel movements, but recently she's started holding it. She's been sitting on the potty to pee for the last month or two, but she'll jump up and say, "no!" when she feels a bowel movement. This means that when she does finally go, it’s… a lot. She had a bit of diarrhea a few months ago and got a rash, so maybe she's remembering that it hurt? We praise her whether she poops in the potty or in her diaper, but she gets distraught when she goes in her diaper. Sometimes she holds onto us and cries. The few times she's gone in the potty, she seems less upset, but you can tell she doesn't like going.
We don’t think this is a constipation issue. I am immensely anxious about this and worry that my anxiety is rubbing off on her. I'm constantly keeping track of the last time she pooped and wondering whether she needs prunes/Restoralax to help her go. These things have helped in the past, but I know they're not addressing the issue of her not wanting to go. How can we help her feel better about pooping without making it too big of a deal? We talk about how everybody poops and that it's okay to go, but I'm not sure that's helping.
I keep trying to tell myself that this is a phase she'll grow out of, but it's hard to see past the worry of whether she's going to poop this week when you're in the middle of it. Thanks for any advice you may have!
This is almost always a phase– but one toddlers need a little help with, especially if it's distressing them or causing them discomfort. Keep in mind that while some kids are ready to start potty-training before their second birthday, others are not ready for another year or more. (Ask me how I know.) It's also common to have a kid who pees on the potty without a problem, but finds pooping more difficult.
Sarah's overall instinct is right: if you have a reluctant pooper, you need to make it less of a big deal. Turn down the focus on the potty-training until things are a little easier. Praise sitting on the potty itself, the act of sitting and being patient, instead of the results that may or may not occur. And don't force it if your child isn't ready.
If pooping does happen in a diaper, make sure that's not being perceived as a "less-than" outcome by your toddler. Pooping in a diaper is definitely better than not pooping at all!
Keep the prunes going (we called them "giant raisins" in our house) and make sure your child is getting plenty of fluids. Ask your pediatrician before supplementing with fiber– if your kid is already backed up, it might be counterproductive. And make sure to mention diarrhea or soiling to your pediatrician as well- it can be something called "encopresis," which is a paradoxical symptom of severe constipation.
Finally, this list of potty-encouraging books from kindercare.com has all the classics. Make storytime part of potty-sitting, and pretend that what else is happening is so "regular" that it's not a big deal.
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!
Email us- questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Extremely Achievable Holiday Traditions
This topic came from Bradie on our Facebook page, who asked:
What is one simple, basic, Christmas tradition that your family has? Don't come at me with baking gingerbread houses or cutting down your Christmas tree. I'm talking things like a favorite meal, the order and manner in which you open presents, a book you always read. Standards are low over here, people.
Don't we all deserve an easy holiday season this year? This episode is full of ideas for wrapping gifts (and other things), easy cookie recipes, and more. These ideas are Christmas-based, although holiday lights and red flannel jammies probably have pagan roots anyhow, so come one come all!
Two main takeaways for your holiday season:
- When in doubt, add hot cocoa.
- Let the laws of holiday attrition work in your favor.
Here are links to some Christmas favorites discussed in this episode:
saltine toffee cookies: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/11376/saltine-toffee-cookies/
Rachael Ray's Christmas pasta: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/christmas-pasta-recipe-2013437
"Christmas Island": https://open.spotify.com/album/3GK2W9eAOQ6585VCGKvKkh?highlight=spotify:track:4y8qmJFYisrLsWzfOjNbxi
and the new-to-us Christmas pickle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_pickle
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Ask Margaret - When Your Parent-Teacher Conference Doesn't Go So Well
This week Margaret’s talking about parent-teacher conferences, after writing about her own most recent conferences on our social media.
At one of the conferences, Margaret heard amazing things: her child is thriving, reading above grade-level, adored by all.
But she's also had conferences when she heard her kids were struggling, not sitting still, NOT performing at grade level.
(Amy has also had both kinds of parent-teacher conferences, by the way.)
Some kids are built for school, and they will thrive in that environment. Others will find it much harder. But your kid’s A-plus, or C-minus, is not your own. As a parent, you're in communication with the teacher as an advocate for your kids, but you’re not there to make sure your kid's school experience– or life– turns out perfectly.
It's crucial to keep that in mind when we have parent-teacher conferences: we’re not there to find out whether WE passed the test.
Link to Margaret's thoughts here: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast/status/1336079462941806592
* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Fresh Take: Susan Katz Miller on Interfaith Families at the Holidays
This week we’re talking to Susan Katz Miller, author of THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL, a hands-on journal that helps families learn how to best honor one another’s spiritual and cultural needs.
The holidays are always intense, and if your family is an intersection of multiple traditions, it can really ratchet up the pressure for perfection times two. Which is when it’s time to maintain perspective. As Susan explains:
“I try to help people to understand that if they're having conflict often, it's not about religious difference. It's not about theology. It's not about whether there was an actual physical resurrection or not. It's usually about whether to put the fried onions on the green bean casserole or not.”
In this episode we discuss
- why every family is an interfaith family
- how to reduce conflict about traditions with your spouse’s extended family
- how to help your spouse when the hard feelings are on your family’s side
- how to push back on the pressure to do “both” traditions perfectly
- how to help your kids navigate being of a different faith than most people in your community
- how to handle it when you’re observant but your spouse is not (or vide versa)
- the resentment that can occur when the mom in a family is expected to carry the weight of passing on a religious tradition that's not even hers
It’s worth it to have the conversations, do the work, and delineate a “sacred circle” that works for your immediate family. As Susan explains, when you and your spouse come from different traditions, “you’re going to be doing the work anyhow.” But challenging your own mindset and context is also an incredible opportunity for growth– even if the way your spouse’s family opens their holiday gifts is completely and totally wrong.
Here are links to some other writing on the topic we discuss in this episode:
Pew Research Center: Why America’s ‘nones’ don’t identify with a religion
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/08/08/why-americas-nones-dont-identify-with-a-religion/
Stina Kielsmeier-Cook: Blessed Are the Nones: Mixed-Faith Marriage and My Search for Spiritual Community
https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780830848270
and you can buy THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL here:
https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781558968257
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What's Your Mom Superpower?
This episode topic was suggested by Pam Marie in our Facebook group:
What's your mom superpower? We often talk about what we get wrong, but what about the things you're really good at? Time to flex, What Fresh Hell community!
Everyone needs an ‘Attaboy!’ every once in a while. And when you’re a mom, you usually have to give it to yourself. In this episode, Amy brags about her X-ray recall of exactly where the shirt definitely *is* hanging in her son’s closet. Margaret explains that she’s a “super sniffer,” and you’ll have to listen to know what that’s all about.
We discuss some of our listeners’ powers, as well. Whether you’re Eileen, whose kids have not been late to school once in seven years, or Sue, who has the superhuman ability to resist shouldering her children’s emotional burdens for them, we are truly impressed by all of your superpowers. Attaboy.
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Fresh Take: Katherine May on "Wintering" and the Power of Rest and Retreat In Difficult Times
This week we're talking to Katherine May, author of the tremendous new book WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES.
Written before the pandemic but perfectly relevant to the moment we're in, WINTERING explores how the natural world prepares for and survives winter, and how we can apply the lessons of actual winters to the metaphorical winters in our lives where, as Katherine puts it, "we feel like the world has pushed us out. We feel isolated, depressed, locked out in the cold, and that the rest of life is drifting away from us."
We all go through personal winters. Sometimes they're for terrible reasons (an unexpected death); sometimes they're for happy ones (a newborn who needs to be fed every two hours). Sometimes they're brief and not too unbearable; sometimes no end is in sight.
Winter is cyclical, it's part of life, and it can be understood as a time of rest and of waiting, rather than of stillness and death. There is much that winter can teach us, and we loved both this conversation with Katherine and her profound book.
You can find WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES here
or in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593189481
You can follow Katherine on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katherinemay_/?hl=en
and Twitter: https://twitter.com/_katherine_may_?lang=en
and you can listen to her podcast THE WINTERING SESSIONS here: https://podnews.net/podcast/1516642192
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It Takes A Village (But We're Doing It Alone)
For the last 1.8 million years or so, children were raised village-style. But 2020 has meant a lot of us raising our kids without the usual help of grandparents or schools or caregivers or friends.
As New York Times parenting writer Jessica Grose explains:
"Throughout basically all of human history, parents have never, ever raised children in isolated nuclear units the way they have been doing for much of 2020, with little to no hands-on family or community support."
And now we’re on month nine of no village. And it’s getting cold. And here come the holidays. Yes, this is as hard as you think it is.
The village doesn’t just benefit the kids– it helps the parents keep going, too. So make your own village, even if you don’t feel like it. Whatever community you can create right now counts, whether it's on Zoom or on social media or on a group text or in your podcast listening, or by posting your #danishbaby photos to our Facebook group, never apologize for what that village looks like.
Here are links to the research and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
- Jessica Grose for NYT: Parenting Was Never Meant to Be This Isolating
- https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/07/parenting/childcare-history-family.html
- Sarah Blaffer Hrdy for Natural History Magazine: Meet the Alloparents
- https://www.naturalhistorymag.com/htmlsite/0409/0409_feature.pdf
- Lynn Steger Strong for Time: Women Value Their Group Texts in Normal Times. During the Pandemic They've Become a Lifeline
- https://time.com/5894745/group-texts-women-coronavirus/
- Stephanie Coontz for The New Republic: The Way We Never Were
- https://newrepublic.com/article/132001/way-never
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Ask Amy- Can You Discipline a One-Year-Old?
This week Lindsay asks: How do you discipline a 1-year-old? Specifically, with pulling my hair and dropping his food on the ground. I say “no" in a firm way and he laughs at me. Any advice you could provide would be much appreciated. Thanks for all you do- love your podcast!
You can't discipline a 1-year-old. They don't get it. But you can redirect, and in this episode Amy explains how that can work.
Toddlers drop food on the floor because they’re fascinated by cause and effect, and in repeating the few things they can control. It's a behavior kids will bore of sooner than you can correct it. But if the parental reaction is swift and predictable, it can actually encourage more food-throwing. The challenge is to make throwing food on the floor more boring than NOT doing it.
Pulling hair is another brief but intense stage of toddler behavior, and the quickest way to discourage that might be by adding an incompatible behavior– something that can't happen at the same time as the hair-pulling. If you hand a toddler a toy he loves before picking him up, he can't pull your hair. If you untangle your hair, put him down, and otherwise blank-face it, that's another incompatible behavior. So is pulling your hair back until this stage passes.
To come up with ideas for redirecting undesirable behaviors, consider the strategy Carolyn Dalgliesh suggests in her book THE SENSORY CHILD GETS ORGANIZED: "What can you add? What can you take away?" Think about what dial you can adjust on the situation to refocus your toddler's attention. It takes patience and a little outside-of-the-box thinking, but you'll find something that really works for you.
Find Carolyn Dalgliesh's book, and all the books Amy and Margaret recommend, in our Bookshop store:
https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast
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Super-Secret Amazing Things We Want You To Know About
We asked all of you to tell us your super-secret awesome things: the life simplifiers that you think everyone else needs to know about.
This episode has an incredible collection of indispensable condiments and doo-dads, portable boredom busters, and things that will keep any kid happily busy for a surprisingly long time.
Head to our website for links to everything you hear about in this episode- you can find it all here:
https://bit.ly/WFHep183
Most are affiliate Amazon links– but we encourage you to shop local if you're buying!
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Ask Margaret - My Child is Terrified of the Doctor's Office
This week our listener Raya asks, "How do I deal with a 4-year-old who is afraid to go to any doctor's office?"
Doctors' offices are scary! There are shots, there's vulnerability, and there's an adult in charge who might be really intimidating to a little one.
No kid is ever going to dance off to the pediatrician. The goal is to make your child's experience as manageable as possible– by communicating openly about why the visit is necessary, discussing what is going to happen during the visit, and placing a little emphasis on the reward (okay, you might call it a bribe) that your little one can look forward to for good behavior.
Margaret quotes this article in this episode :"Fear of Doctors" (whattoexpect.com)
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!
Email us: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Fresh Take: Ali Wentworth on Pandemic Family Survival
In our latest “Fresh Take” episode we’re talking to Ali Wentworth, host of the "Go Ask Ali" podcast. If you're raising teens during this pandemic, you definitely want Ali's funny, wise, and useful interviews with experts on your podcast playlist!
Ali Wentworth is perhaps best known from her iconic roles in Jerry Maguire, Office Space, and Seinfeld. She’s the host of the Daily Shot on Yahoo!, has also written several books filled with wry self-help observations and tips, and regularly stops by Good Morning America to chat with hubby George Stephanopoulos. Ali and George have two teenage daughters.
In this episode we discuss
- Ali's family's experience with Covid
- how to parent teenagers during a pandemic
- how to create "space" in your relationship when you're stuck together 24/7
- just how much ice cream is allowed during lockdown
Follow Ali on Instagram @therealaliwentworth and find the "Go Ask Ali" podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/go-ask-ali/id1523352034?at=11lo6V&ct=podnews_podcast
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Parenting as a Team
Parenting as a team is an ongoing challenge– even when your relationship with your co-parent is usually harmonious. But matching headspaces with your co-parent about a problem your family, or one of your children, is dealing with doesn't have to be the goal.
Parenting as a team can often mean taking turns, whether it's with the pancake-flipping, the hard talks with teenagers, or the 3 am worried Googling of ICD-10 diagnoses. In this episode we talk about what’s worked for us in moments of disagreement or struggle with our spouses, and how we found common ground.
If getting through the pandemic means zooming in, just getting to the next lamppost, parenting as a team means zooming way out. If you know you're on the same page about the adults you want your children to become, it's a little easier to chill out about how they’ll get there.
In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss their "Pre-Cana" experiences in the Catholic Church, and the usefulness of the Engaged Encounter program in particular. To find out more: engagedencounter.com
Margaret also mentions the book WHAT CHILDREN LEARN FROM THEIR PARENTS' MARRIAGES, which you can find in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780060929305
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Ask Amy- My Toddler Is Waking Up Way Too Early
This week's question is from Rachel in our Facebook group:
Help! My 2-year-old used to sleep from 7 pm – 7 am. It was glorious. We recently had to start quarantining again due to exposure at my job. Since then, she has started waking up earlier and earlier. We pushed her bedtime back to 7:30 but it hasn't made a difference. This morning she was up at 5:30! I was thinking about one of the clocks with the light in her room but would she understand that yet?
Kids' sleep patterns can change for a number of reasons. Rachel's probably on to something with the quarantine being a factor– that might have led to less sunshine, or exercise, or a loss of other guideposts in the day that made sense to her little one.
But Rachel's goal isn't really to get her daughter to sleep later; it's to get her to roll over and close her eyes after that first early-morning stirring. Amy suggests several techniques to make that option more inviting, including these paper blackout shades that are super-easy to install and make bedrooms nice and dark.
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!
Email us: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Fresh Take: Calysta Watson on "Food Memories" and Dealing With Food Allergies
In our latest “Fresh Take" episode we’re talking to Calysta Watson, creator of Epicurean Therapy.
Calysta combines her love of cooking and her training as a LCSW and psychotherapist to create awareness of the connection between food and our mental and emotional health. As a mom raising a child with multiple anaphylactic food allergies, Calysta also talks about the challenge of enjoying creating meals and making great food memories with our kids, no matter the obstacles.
In this episode we discuss
- what the obstacles are to us enjoying creating meals for our families
- how to avoid using food as a punishment or a reward
- how to create "food memories" our children will carry with them
- how to make food work for kids with specific food challenges (from rigid preferences to serious food allergies)
Follow Calysta's Instagram at: on https://www.instagram.com/epicureantherapy
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Actually, We've Changed Our Minds About That
There are quite a few things we’ve changed our minds about over our years as parents. From minivans to Minecraft, moms on phones to kindergarten dress codes, focus meds to front-yard holiday inflatables, in this episode we discuss them all.
As always, here's our main takeaway: it's worth it to step away from the rushing stream of Other People's Opinions in order to do what's right for your family.
Special thanks to our listener Jana for suggesting this episode.
Join the conversation in our Facebook group about this topic, or whatever you'd like to talk about– 3500 no-judgment parents are waiting for you!
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Ask Margaret - All I Hear is "Me First!"
This week Margaret answers this listener question:
"All I hear is "me first!" I have two boys, 4 1/2 and 2 years old, both constantly insisting on being first and having meltdowns when they aren't.
Doesn’t matter what it is–first to be handed their applesauce pouch, first to be unbuckled from the car seats, first to get out the door, down the stairs... help!"
Competitiveness is developmentally appropriate behavior for these kids' ages– it's reasonable behavior to expect at this age. Even so, there are ways to work against it.
It's a good idea not to respond to demands to "be first," to talk with your kids about why this behavior is frustrating (when it's not happening), and to keep working on the concept of taking turns.
In this episode, Margaret cites Karen Levine's article "Why Kids Are Competitive" for parents.com. Read it here: https://www.parents.com/kids/development/behavioral/why-kids-are-competitive/
Send us your parenting questions– we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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When To Be 'That Mom'
We asked all of you to tell us about the times you had to be "that mom." You responded with tales of IEP meetings, and airplanes full of tiny sacks of peanuts, and kindergarten bullies– all the times you went full mama-bear because advocating for your kid (or someone else's kid) was more important, in the moment, than being liked.
In this episode we discuss:
- whether there's such a thing as "that dad" (what do YOU think?)
- how to pick your battles
- how to come prepared for combat but ready to listen
- how to bring solutions, and not just problems
An unexpectedly touching side topic: many of you wrote in with memories of your own mom standing up for you. That's important to remember when you're being "that mom" and the biggest eye-rolls are coming from your own kid. They'll look back on that moment a lot differently.
This was such a terrific discussion on our Facebook group- join us and check out the full thread:
https://www.facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast/posts/3745278268817917
Here are links to two of our other episodes that we mention in this one, and where being "that mom" is definitely part of the picture:
Bullies (Episode 103): https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/05/bullies-episode-103/
How Do We Handle This When Everyone Is Doing It Differently? (Episode 160): https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/06/ep160/
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Ask Amy - What's The Right Age To Get a Cell Phone?
This week's question is from Britnee:
How long should we wait to get our kids a cellphone? I have a 13 year old boy who begs for a cellphone because ALL kids have one. He has a tablet and a computer so it's not like he can't contact his friends or me if need be. But I'm just not comfortable with him having access to the world– or the world having access to him–24/7.
Phones are lifelines to peers for adolescents– and more than ever during this pandemic. Kids usually get phones when their increasing independence means they need a way to contact you while they're apart from you. But even if you're spending every moment together these days, if your child is remote-schooling, social media is an important means of connection.
Britnee also mentions that her son has access to a tablet and computer, so his access to the internet (and all its wondrous horrors) already exists. The phone adds a constant-access factor, to be sure, but there are ways to put controls around that, and Amy discusses a few in this episode.
One of our favorite tools is Bark, which proactively monitors text messages, YouTube, emails, and 30+ different social networks for potential safety concerns, Use our referral code to try Bark for a week for free: https://www.bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK.
Still, getting your child a smartphone is an intensely personal family decision, and you have to take into consideration your own child's maturity level, mental health, peers, executive function and resilience.
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Oh No, It's Fall! (With Guest Biz Ellis from One Bad Mother)
Do you love crunchy leaves and chunky sweaters? Or do the shortening, darkening days fill you with nothing but pumpkin-spiced dread?
Amy's hiding under her weighted blanket with her pandemic gloom.
Margaret's doubling down on the backyard firepit and everything that's spooky.
And our guest, Biz Ellis of One Bad Mother, is turning the entire outside of her home into a candy-covered Halloween wonderland.
We talk about our various approaches to this year's Halloween and Thanksgiving plans- and how involving our kids in thinking creatively might just be what gets us through this very unusual fall.
Get One Bad Mother's book- and all the books you hear about on our show- in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast.
Here are links to some of the things we discuss in this episode:
CDC's Halloween guidelines for 2020: "If screaming will likely occur, greater distancing is advised."
Amy's Instagram Live conversation with Sarah Powers of The Mom Hour
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Ask Margaret - How Can I Keep My Kid Safe While He's Gaming?
This week Margaret answers the question:
I know Margaret has talked about giving in to Fortnite at her house. Well I have too. My question is how do I discuss internet safety with my son (7) who wants to play online with his friends when I have no clue what playing online entails. I have never been a gamer and neither has my husband and I feel like we are flying blind. I don’t want to hold him back from socializing with friends, especially now, but I don’t want him to get into a bad situation either. Thank you guys!
In this situation (especially at 7 years old) it's important to dial in and be involved in how your kid is playing. Make sure the gaming setup is in an area you (the parents) frequent. You don't need to know how to game to overhear inappropriate comments and keep an overall eye on how your gamer is behaving. Set strict expectations around your rules for gaming and outline the consequences if they are not followed, and have conversations around violence and language that your gamer may encounter.
If you have questions for Margaret or Amy send them to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Bonus Episode: Ask Us Anything!
We told you to ask us anything.
You kept it PG (thank you) and we’re giving you the answers:
What shows are we binging?
What gets us dancing in our kitchens?
What do our kids think of this show?
Listen and find out...
ver3d5zqf4UsaO0gU0rz
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Never Thought I'd Say This (Pandemic Edition)
“Don’t you dare hug Grandma.”
“Stop playing on the floor and get on screen.”
“Yes, we can go to the playground, but you may not play with the other children.”
We asked our listeners in our Facebook group to tell us all the things never thought we’d say– and now are. Not all of these things are bad. Amy has become a fan of dog walking, now that it's a guaranteed 15-minute respite from Zoom.
Others, of course, are not so great. Life on the coronacoaster can be pretty surprising sometimes.
(One correction: Amy makes a half-remembered Biblical reference to sparrows who neither toil nor spin. It's actually the lilies of the field.)
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Ask Amy- My First-Grader is Giving Me Homework Grief
This week's question is from Melissa, who says:
Sweet mother of pearl, my five-year-old is in grade 1 and I’m already getting a LOAD of sass at homework time.
Things I have tried and said to make it go more smoothly:
1. Telling him: “Everyone in your class is doing their homework right now too"
2. Sending him straight to bed after supper for yelling at me during homework... twice
3. Positivity and encouragement
4. Reasoning with him: “homework will be done as soon as you write out your words twice”
5. “Would you act like this with your teacher?”
6. Pure bribery- candy and/or tablet time.
Help- I need some new ideas!
Melissa doesn't say whether her son is attending school in person or remotely. Either way, the pandemic offers unique challenges that make the school day even more exhausting than usual, particularly for a first-grader who is only five.
Amy offers some tips on making homework time less of a burden for kids and parents, including some great ideas offered by our listeners. There's also room for a whole lot of compassion here, especially right now. A five-year-old might just be too exhausted or overwhelmed to meet these expectations. Especially right now, our children's emotional health is more important than one more math worksheet.
Amy also references our episode on homework, which you can find here:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2017/10/episode-27-the-homework-slog/
Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Fresh Take: Dr. Jill Stoddard Tells Us How To Manage Our Anxiety
In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we're talking to Dr. Jill Stoddard, author of BE MIGHTY: A Woman's Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry & Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance.
Jill's mission is to share cutting edge, evidence-based tools based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help people find meaning and vitality in their lives even as they struggle with anxiety.
We talk about why anxiety is a particular concern for women, especially right now– and how we an change our relationship to our anxiety and stress by becoming more flexible around it, rather than trying to shut it down.
If you'd like to find out more about Jill's book and the tools of ACT, you can sign up for a 4-week Virtual Book Club about Be Mighty, including Live Q&A sessions with Jill, here: https://www.jillstoddard.com/pages/virtual-book-club.
Jill Stoddard is a clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management. She is the author of two books: Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance and The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Dr. Stoddard is an award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, and co-host of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast.
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Getting Better At Saying 'No'
Saying no is a lot harder for women. We’re conditioned to be compliant; studies show that by middle school, girls shy away from expressing authentic preferences in order to fit in. And when we do say no, the world holds that against us more than it would a man.
Perhaps that explains how we might find ourselves running the grade school bake sale *again,* and being resentful, when we could just have said no in the first place.
In this episode we discuss
- the difference between a hard no and a soft no
- where to practice your no
- how to decide once what's a no
- why you should say you “don’t” want to do something, instead of that you “can’t”
In order to let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, the best place to start might be by looking within. Are we really the only one who can keep her finger in the dam in this particular situation?
If not, saying 'no' might be worth the discomfort; it makes more room in our lives for the things we want to be there.
Here are links to the studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
Jackie Ashton for Washington Post On Parenting: The art of saying no: How to raise kids to be polite, not pushovers
Jessica Bennett for NYT: Welcome to the 'No' Club
Brené Brown for oprah.com: 3 Ways To Set Boundaries
Meghan Keane for NPR's Life Kit: How To Say No, For The People Pleaser Who Always Says Yes
Sarah Mendekick for LA Times Op-Ed: Men can’t hear it, women don’t say it — the everyday importance of ‘no’
Katharine Ridgway O'Brien: "Just Saying "No": An Examination of Gender Differences in the Ability to Decline Requests in the Workplace."
Samantha Radocchia for women2.com: LEARNING THE ART OF SAYING ‘NO’
Kristin Wong for NYT: Why You Should Learn to Say ‘No’ More Often
...and finally, the legendary E.B. White, who never had any problem saying no, reading Charlotte's Web
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Fresh Take: Jessica Lahey on "The Gift of Failure"
In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we've got an interview with Jessica Lahey, author of the bestseller THE GIFT OF FAILURE: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. The Gift of Failure came out in 2016, when giving our kids healthy doses of autonomy and outdoor exploration felt a little more possible. But even during pandemic life, there are opportunities for us to be less protective as parents and to let our kids learn by failing.
Jess tells us how to apply the book’s ideas to pandemic life, at-home learning, and living together 24/7.
Jess also tells us a little about her next book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, coming in April 2021. We can't wait!
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Why The Pandemic is So Hard On Moms
After a listener on our Facebook page declared “This is a sexist pandemic!” we got to thinking: what are the quantifiable ways in which life has gotten even harder for moms in 2020 than it has for our spouses? We all know it HAS, but why? And how?
A study from Syracuse University found that four out of five adults who have stopped their usual work schedule due to the pandemic are women.
Another study followed the possibility that, as the "invisible workload" became more visible to male spouses and children, it would spur more equal participation in household duties. That study's answer? No. They see it, they just don't care. The increased demands of this time have indeed fallen on women more.
If it's taken a million small interactions to get to the place where everybody just assumes that if there's 40% more work to do, Mom is going to do it all, it's going to take small interactions to reset that expectation as well.
In this episode, we talk about how to get started.
Here are links to the research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode:
Elamin Abdelmahmoud for Buzzfeed: How The Pandemic Has Exacerbated The Gender Divide In Household Labor
Claire Cain Miller for NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree.
Jessica Grose for NYT: They Go To Mommy First
Danielle Rhubart for Syracuse University: Gender Disparities in Caretaking during the COVID-19 Pandemic
Thébaud, S., Kornrich, S., & Ruppanner, L. (2019). Great housekeeping, great expectations: Gender and housework norms
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Ask Amy- How Can I Get My Kid To Take Her Medicine?
Our listener Sabrina asks:
My 4 year old daughter has a nasty ear infection. the medication she got is nasty and she wont take it. Attempting to force it ends with her spitting it out.
We tried hiding it in applesauce but she wouldn't eat it all and said it was yucky.
We've reasoned with her, bribed her, nothing works! Any ideas?
Amy's top advice for getting kids to swallow meds is... teaching them to swallow pills. You can start earlier than you think, and it doesn't have to involve tears.
Listen to this mini-episode for Amy's tips, including the "duck-shake technique," plus lots of other ideas from our listeners!
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How Mad Should I Be About This?
You know how sometimes a loved one or friend will do something that annoys you, but then you think: is it me? How mad should I be?
Our listeners told us what past “crimes” they’re currently holding grudges about– infractions committed by their spouses, children, mothers-in-law, and even dogs.
This week we are rating each of these grudges on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “you have no right to be angry at all,” and 10 is “no jury would convict you.”
Excluded from family photos because you’re “not really family”?
Given a suspicious regift of corporate-branded popcorn for your anniversary?
Told that you look tired, and should therefore exercise more?
Oh, you get to be angry. And this episode is just for you.
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Ask Margaret - My Husband is a Bad Disciplinarian
Margaret answers this week's listener question:
"How do you handle it when one partner is not a good disciplinarian? My husband is a caring and involved parent, definitely not the type to do things badly so I'll just have to do everything. Problem is, he has a really difficult time keeping our five-year-old in line, which means that anything he's in charge of turns into a huge struggle that's frustrating for everyone involved.
For example, he's in charge of bedtime. She does all kinds of things to avoid going to sleep, which is understandable, but he doesn't seem able to handle it and actually get her to sleep. I don't know what to do in situations like this. If I step in he won't figure out how to do it himself, but he also doesn't seem to be learning how to handle her!"
The rule that governs this situation is "All conversations about parenting happen when no one is parenting." You should not correct your partner while he's is the middle of trying to get your child to sleep, but you can find a calmer moment to seek out solutions to make the bedtime routine less stressful for everyone.
It's also important to "watch your story" here. Help your partner discover resources to make himself a better disciplinarian (rules such as 'only saying things once' and 'putting a time limit on bedtime interactions'). Then, forget the story of "he's not good at this," and open up the story of "he's capable of this, with a little guidance".
Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next!
questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Fresh Take: Meredith Masony of "That's Inappropriate"
In our latest "Fresh Take" episode, we're doing an extended interview with Meredith Masony, author of the new book ASK ME WHAT’S FOR DINNER ONE MORE TIME: Inappropriate Thoughts on Motherhood.
You probably already know Meredith as the comic genius behind That's Inappropriate, an online community of 3 million+ moms and strong-minded women who are not afraid to own the fact that when it comes to parenting, the struggle is real.
We discuss the crisis in Meredith's life that inspired her to tell the truth about her life as a parent, her hilarious new book, and the Hot Mess Express that is every Tuesday morning.
Grab Meredith's book here: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982117962
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Things We Can't Live Without (Fall 2020)
By popular request, we're back with another list of the things that are getting us through the days right now. Some of these are for our kids (since a happily occupied kid equals a mom with one less problem). Some of these are just for us.
Here are links to the some of the must-haves we discuss. If your podcast app doesn't support hyperlinks, you can also find this list at https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/09/ep174/.
Uncover podcast
Etsy shops like Speck Custom Woodwork
Kids' subscription kits like KiwiCo
Wall-hanging file folders
Wireless earbuds that don't cost $100
Weighted blanket
Pete’s A Pizza by William Steig
Totally Rudy's DIY American Girl YouTube channel
Selling Sunset (Margaret's current "secret shame show")
Disclosure: some of the above links are affiliate links, and What Fresh Hell may receive commissions for purchases made through them. But these are all products we highly recommend!
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Ask Amy: My Tween Has Suddenly Stopped Speaking To Me
This week's question is from Stacey in our Facebook group:
My 12 year old daughter, seemingly out of the blue, won’t talk to me or look at me. I don’t mean talk like serious topics. I mean talk to me at all, about anything, unless I ask her a direct question.
We’ve always been close so I’m feeling very hurt. She acts fine with my husband.
Everything I read is how we aren’t supposed to take it personally, that it’s normal but I’m finding that impossible, especially when she’s joking around with her dad.
I keep reading I should just act like everything is fine but I really want to tell her she’s hurting my feelings. Should I?
It's a tween or teen's job to differentiate from their parents, to get ready to leave the nest. And if your relationship with your child was formerly very close– as Stacey's was– this separation by your teen can be even more swift and sudden, as well as way harder on the suddenly rejected parent.
Amy offers some tips on how Stacey might speak up for herself, some perspective on why this is happening, and some ways Stacey's spouse can help.
Being the rejected parent can really sting. But your child's rejection means, above all, that you've done a good enough job of loving her to make her feel safe stepping away from you, even temporarily.
In this episode, Amy refers to Janet Lansbury's writing on this topic.
You can hear more about all of this in our podcast episode "When Kids Prefer The Other Parent Over You": https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/07/preferotherparent-ep115/
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The Back-To-School Hell (Pandemic Edition)
We are always a little reluctant about transitioning back to school. This year that reluctance was more properly called dread (despite the truly heroic efforts of the teachers, administrators, and staff in our children's lives. THANK YOU.)
We feel this way because we were supposed to be done by now, have this all figured out, have our kids skipping back to hug all their friends. But Back-to-school 2020 is not the finish line we thought it would be; instead, it’s a reminder that the finish line is very much not in sight.
But for us, a lot of our anxiety around this was actually anticipatory anxiety- the masks and the Zooms and School With More Rules seemed scarier in concept than it really has been in practice.
We may have fallen into "uncertainty distress," what Dr. Mark Freeston and his researchers at Cambridge call the "subjective negative emotions that one experiences in response to the as-yet unknown aspects of a given situation."
In other words, what we are dreading as our kids begin school is not actually that they have to wear a mask during PE– it's what else might happen next that we don't even know about yet.
It's possible to separate out uncertainty and threat in our minds. If we think what if school closes this winter? and feel our hearts start to race, we are reacting to the uncertainty, not to a direct threat. Worrying about each potential bad outcome before it happens will not make those things less likely to happen, but it may make us a little less nimble and ready to pivot if a threat does occur.
Whatever happens, lean on your mom friends, and remember that, as developmental psychologist Stephanie Grant explains: "Our priority as parents this fall is to remain regulated for our kids, much more than to provide academic instruction.”
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
AL Inclusive Therapy on FB: https://www.facebook.com/ALinclusivetherapy/posts/369922694400517
Dr. Mark Freeston et al, Cambridge University Press: Towards a model of uncertainty distress in the context of Coronavirus (Covid-19) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340653312_Towards_a_model_of_uncertainty_distress_in_the_context_of_Coronavirus_Covid-19
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Ask Margaret -My Daughter Says She Thinks She Looks Fat
Margaret answers this week's listener question:
"My daughter (5 years old next month) has started saying “I look fat in this sweater” and “I don’t want to look funny” when getting dressed. My daughter is a healthy weight and she is VERY active. I am unsure of how to manage/navigate these comments. I really don’t want her to have body image issues or to be dealing with this at such a young age. I have been very conscious since her birth not to comment on her appearance, and instead to reinforce the things her body does, saying things like “your legs are so strong to bike up the hill” or “your body needs to rest now because it worked so hard today." I rarely say “you look so pretty"; instead I say “that’s a great outfit you picked”. I didn’t think I would have to deal with this so soon. Help!"
Almost all of us have struggled with eating and body issues at some point in our lives and it is important for us as parents to reframe the way we talk about food and our bodies and to model body acceptance (put on that swimsuit and get in the picture mama!)
It's also important to answer questions asked. Don't shy away from responding to kids who ask if they look fat– talk honestly about how bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and why and how our bodies change.
In this episode, Margaret this article from A Mighty Girl.
Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next!
questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Fresh Take: Tina Payne Bryson on "The Bottom Line For Baby"
This is the first of our new "Fresh Take" episodes, in which we'll offer longer interviews with some fascinating parenting experts. (And some super-hilarious people as well.)
We loved this chat with Tina Payne Bryson, author of the new book THE BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY: From Sleep Training to Screens, Thumb Suck to Tummy Time—What the Science Says.
This book is an A-Z guide for common childcare controversies and questions—and the science (or lack thereof) behind them.
Should you swaddle? Is circumcision necessary? Is breast really best? We discuss it all in this episode, but here's what Bryson says is the REAL bottom line:
“Ultimately, knowledge is power. Inform yourself. Then trust yourself. After all, you know your child better than anyone.”
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson,is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice. She is the co-author of two New York Times best sellers, The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children.
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The Constant Negativity Is Getting Old
Negativity is a biological imperative–we're wired to pay more attention to the bad things around us in order for us to survive. Still, some among us are a little more Debbie-Downer than others. And the problem is, that negativity is contagious. After six months at home with a whining preschooler and an eye-rolling tween, the negativity is getting old. Real old.
Our listener Keri posed this question: "How do y’all deal with the constant negativity of having little kids? I just finished dealing with my 5-year-old’s whining and attitude (“I’m getting tired of you, mommy!” Feeling’s mutual, kid!) and now the toddler is whining and crying. It feels like they take turns and there’s very little time when one or the other isn’t bringing the negativity. As someone who doesn’t do well in a negative atmosphere, it really gets to me."
In this episode, we discuss strategies both for stopping negativity in its tracks and for resisting its pull. There's lots to be down about right now. But if there's going to be a reset in our homes, it's probably going to have to start with us.
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Dr. Daniel Amen for Additude: Why We Crave the Drama That Sabotages Relationships
Catherine Moore for Positive Psychology: What Is The Negativity Bias and How Can it be Overcome?
Kevin J. Roberts: Negativity
Dr. Stuart Shanker for The MEHRIT Centre: “Reframing” Challenging Behaviour, Part 1: Blue Brain, Red Brain, and Brown Brain
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Ask Margaret - My Two-Year-Old's Tantrums Are Breaking Me!
Margaret answers this week's listener question:
"I’m struggling so much with my 2 1/2 year old's behavior. She can be really sweet and fun, but her tantrums and clinginess have become really hard for me to deal with mentally. It feels like everything is an argument, everything I say is “NO!”
I’ve tried ignoring her tantrums and she just continues to scream for upwards of 30 minutes and follows me around throwing herself at the ground. I’ve tried empathizing with her and comforting her through tantrums and she continues to scream. I make sure she is fed regularly, naps, has a consistent bedtime. I have ended up in tears multiple times this week just because I’m so emotionally drained dealing with her all day.
Am I doing something wrong? I’m having such a hard time being a stay-at-home mom when others seem to have it more together than me. Please tell me this gets better, I’m really struggling."
Tantrums are to be expected in toddlers, but frequent tantrums that are leaving both mom and toddler in tears? Not so much. A great technique is to verbalize what your toddler is upset about while otherwise remaining neutral. With this technique, consistency is key - making sure that you don't get into a dance with your toddler - and that tantrums shut down the "mommy machine".
In this episode, Margaret mentions Dr. Harvey Karp's book The Happiest Toddler on the Block.
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We Did Not Sign Up For Being With Our Spouses 24/7 (with guest Damona Hoffman)
Uh, we did not sign up for this. Did we? Yes, in sickness and in health, yada yada yada, but nowhere in our long-term commitment plans with our spouses was there any indication that we would spend months on end working from home and together 24/7.
Studies prove that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. The time apart makes us biologically motivated to mend that separation. Plus, a partner who's been traveling for a week might come back with some interesting stories. When you're already sharing every moment of every day, the sparkle in your relationship might be a little harder to come by.
Remember when we had to plan date nights? The best tip we've heard for getting through these times may be to flip that on its head: put a YOYO dinner on the calendar. You're On Your Own. Frozen lasagna or cereal or nothing. Doesn't that sound heavenly? It's okay to schedule a little separation right now, whenever and wherever that can happen.
We talk other quarantine love lessons with our guest Damona Hoffman, host of the podcast Dates and Mates. Damona suggests getting through this time by structuring self-care– the kind that helps us bring our best selves to these challenging times, more than the kind that's the chardonnay that makes us cranky and tired by 8:15. (Hmm, maybe she's on to something.) Start listening here: https://damonahoffman.com/dates-mates-podcast/
Here are links to other research and writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Jessica Grose for NYT: Missing the Partner You See 24/7
MIT Technology Review: Data Mining Reveals First Evidence That Absence Really Does Make the Heart Grow Fonder
Jennifer A Theiss, Ph.D for Psychology Today: Factors That Prompt Turbulence in Romantic Relationships
Heidi Stevens for Chicago Tribune: Dealing with conflicts and teen angst
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Ask Amy- I Feel Guilty Not Playing With My Only Child Right Now
Amy answers this week's question:
"I’m the mom of a three-year-old only child and I HATE playing pretend. I understand that our parents didn’t play pretend with us. I understand that under normal circumstances it isn’t necessary for parents to play pretend with their kids. But I'm raising an only-child in the midst of a pandemic where there aren’t any other social outlets besides myself and It makes me feel like I’ve entered into a bad improv class that I can’t escape. HELP!"
Under normal circumstances, parents can (and should) push back on the expectation that they be their children's constant playmates. But right now, things are different. Here are some strategies on how to make the playtime you spend with your child more enjoyable, as well as some ways to make the times you have to say 'no' easier for your child.
In this episode, Amy.mentions Dr. Lawrence Cohen's book Playful Parenting
as well as our episode "Do We Really Have To Play With Our Kids? When Parenting Feels Relentless" https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/05/do-we-really-have-to-play-with-our-kids-when-parenting-feels-relentless-episode-105/
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Okay, We Might Have Overthought That One
All mothers overthink sometimes. But isn’t that our job description? To look at our baby and whatever she’s holding and think: how is she going to injure, burn, ruin or cause disaster to herself by interacting with that object?
There’s an industrial complex set up around motherhood that makes its money when we feel off-balance and insecure. If we “want what’s best” for our baby, then shouldn’t we make sure that everything around him is superlative?
Then the rest of society mocks us relentlessly for the very helicoptering and overthinking that all those stories about murder hornets caused us to undergo in the first place.
But okay, yes: from redshirting to breastfeeding to left-handed scissors, here are are a few of the parenting topics that, looking back, we and our listeners just MIGHT have overthought.
Amy’s book When Did I Get Like This? is on this exact topic. Have you read it yet? Grab it here:
https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780061963964
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Ask Amy- Why Does My Kid Always Want To Pretend He's the Bad Guy?
This week Amy answers a question from Danielle on FB:
Does anyone else have a kid that always wants to play the “mean” guy? My almost 3 year old son always wants to play the villain, and hardly ever the hero or “nice guy”. Is this normal? Or am I raising a future bad boy?
Yes, this is very normal. Psychologists call these preschool preoccupations “extremely intense interests,” and studies have proven they are much more common among boys than girls. We talk about little boys and their obsessions in this episode, if you'd like to hear more:
The obsession with Jafar and Captain Hook won't last forever. In the meantime, Amy has ideas on how to frame it for your little one!
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Ditching What Doesn't Matter (With Guest "The Lazy Genius")
Momming is hard. Whether we’re stressed perfectionists or hot messes, our homes and relationships get happier when we do what matters, skip what doesn’t– and clarify what goes in what pile for each of us.
Our guest, Kendra Adachi, is better known as "The Lazy Genius." Her new book is THE LAZY GENIUS WAY: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn't, And Get Stuff Done. Kendra says we don't need a new productivity plan; what we need are new ways to see.
In other words: stop feeling bad that you're not adhering to All The Systems. Make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly you.
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Ask Margaret - How Can I Get My Kid to Be Interested in More Activities?
This week Margaret advises a listener who is worried that her 8-year-old does not seem to have a wide enough range of interests. Is there anything she can do to help him expand his interests beyond screens, half-hearted participation in Scouts and basically chilling out most of the day?
Check out this episode and see if you agree with Margaret's advice.
Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Our Family Had Covid! Here's How It Went For Us (Bonus Episode)
In our back-to-school episode Amy dropped some news: her immediate family had Covid-19 back in March.
Thankfully, Amy's family had "mild" or "moderate" cases of coronavirus. (Those terms officially include any course of illness that does not include inpatient hospitalization.)
But even in a single household, their experiences ranged from asymptomatic, to 36 hours of fever, to three weeks in bed, to months and months of continuous long-term Covid-related illness.
Because listeners expressed interest in hearing more from a fellow parent who's actually gone through Covid-19, in this episode Margaret interviews Amy on
- how their symptoms progressed
- what their recovery has looked like
- and what she thinks you should have ready at home before you need it
Here's what we want you to know: it's worth it to have your kids wearing masks and taking other precautions. Their risk of serious illness is lower; it's not non-existent.
As always, if you have concerns, discuss them with a medical professional!
To find out more about "long Covid," search "long haul Covid," #longhaulers, or go to longcovid.org.
Ed Yong wrote a great overview for The Atlantic: Covid-19 Can Last For Several Months- https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/06/covid-19-coronavirus-longterm-symptoms-months/612679/
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Should I Send My Kids Back To School?
Our kids’ schools have sent plans. And revised plans. And codicils to the plans. Now it’s time to make our own decisions: if the choice is available to us, are our kids going back to classrooms this fall?
Here are the factors that are driving our own decisions– knowing that the ‘right’ answer is fundamentally non-existent, and that this calculus is by definition personal. As Adrianne La France writes for The Atlantic:
"All along, this disaster has been simultaneously wholly shared and wholly individualized, a weird dissonance in a collective tragedy that each person, each family, has to navigate with intricate specificity to their circumstances."
Amy drops some big news in this episode: her family has had coronavirus. We'll be following up with a bonus episode specifically about that later this week.
Here are links to some other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
New York Times: What Back to School Might Look Like in the Age of Covid-19
Ann V. Klotz: This Is The Song That Never Ends
Claire Cain Miller for the NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree.
Adrianne La France for The Atlantic: ‘This Push to Open Schools Is Guaranteed to Fail’
WGBH: Harvard Epidemiologist: 'Hybrid' Model For Reopening Schools Is 'Probably Among The Worst' Options
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Ask Amy - My Kid Is a Know-It-All!
Amy takes a question from a listener who wants to encourage her know-it-all daughter to speak up while discouraging her constantly correcting everyone in the family.
Is there a way to support her daughter's knowledge and self-confidence, while correcting her annoying habit of having absolutely all the answers?
Check out our other episodes on the topic:
Asking for What We Want and Encouraging Our Daughters' to Do the Same: bit.ly/WFHWhatWeWant
Teaching Our Kids Empathy: http://bit.ly/TeachingKidsEmpathy
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Asking For What We Want, And Teaching Our Daughters To Do The Same (with guest Marisa Porges)
From board rooms to town halls to IEP meetings to doctor's offices, there are places where women speaking up for what they want or need are either ignored, resented, or just not taken seriously. (Anyone who's ever had been told by a contractor to "put her husband on the phone, and I'll explain it to him" can tell you that.)
That's why our girls need to be trained in the arts of asking and negotiating– not only because those are things we don’t teach our daughters as well as we teach our sons, but also because the world often doesn’t reward women who speak up.
We discuss how to value our daughters' voices– and teach them to do the same– with Marisa Porges, author of the new book WHAT GIRLS NEED: How to Raise Bold, Courageous, and Resilient Women.
Here are links to other writing on the subject that we discuss in this episode:
Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever
Deborah A. Small et al: Who Goes to the Bargaining Table? The Influence of Gender and Framing on the Initiation of Negotiation
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Ask Margaret - Is There Any Way to Get My Kid to Stop Throwing Stuff?
Margaret answers a question from a mom who is pretty freaked out by her 20-month-old's habit of throwing stuff when he's angry.
If you have a question you'd like Margaret or Amy to answer submit to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Advice We Totally Hate
As soon as you become a mother unsolicited advice-givers are everywhere, telling you to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Or “it gets easier.” Or “enjoy every moment.”
Out of all the advice (parenting and otherwise) that we and our listeners have ever received, here is a selection of the very worst.
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Ask Amy - How Can a New Mom Make Friends Right Now?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question.
This week Amy answers the question, "How can an introvert make new friends especially during the complicated social limitations of coronavirus?"
Check out our Finding Your Mom Tribe episode:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/06/finding-your-mom-tribe-episode-110/
Here's the link to the Catherine Price's Screen/Life Balance site Amy mentions in this episode.
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Two Kinds of People- Which Are You?
We asked our listeners to divide the world into two kinds of people, and to stake out their claims on one side.
Sleep cuddler or stop-breathing-on-me?
Book finisher or life-is-too-short-er?
Shoes on or off in the house?
Many of you gave slightly judgmental “there’s me, and the crazy people” types of responses.
Others gave "there's the right way to do it, and the way my spouse does it" sorts of answers.
All of which, in this episode, we are totally here for.
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Ask Margaret - When Does This Get Easier?
Margaret answers a question from the What Fresh Hell Podcast Group from a listener who asks when (if ever) life with her 2 and 1-year-olds is ever going to get easier.
Submit your question– we might answer yours next!
questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Hitting the Wall: Get Us Off This Coronacoaster!
Even the cheeriest and sunniest of parents are hitting the wall. We're over it. This stinks. Even the most ‘We’ll make a fun obstacle course in the yard!’ moms are suddenly thinking ‘No. NO. I don't want to do this anymore.’”
Somehow we've traveled past denial, to bargaining, then circled back to anger, without seeing so much of the acceptance part. That’s life on the coronacoaster.
We think this is particularly hard for parents, because we have to hold together some semblance of certainty for our kids that everything's going to be fine amidst our own complete uncertainty. Saying "you don't have to be scared" even when we feel scared. Taking on the anxiety and frustration and boredom and irritation of our littles when we haven’t worked out our own.
We don’t have a ton of solutions this week, but we review some rules for zen living and figure out how we might do those a bit more. In the meantime, knowing we’re not alone in feeling this way definitely helps.
Here are links to the things we discuss in this episode:
Dylan Buckley for BetterHelp: Understanding The Stages Of Grief
Deb Perelman for NYT: In the Covid-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both.
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Bad Mom Moments (with guest Arianna Bradford)
Fess up: everyone's got a Bad Mom Moment. Or twelve.
We tend to hold these things really close, our shame rooted in deep certainty that no other mother has ever temporarily forgotten their baby in the toy aisle at Target.
Guess what? You're not alone. Here are some of our listeners' Bad Mom Moments– and more than a few of our own.
Our guest this week is Arianna Bradford, the brains behind The NYAM (Not Your Average Mom) Project, a website dedicated to helping parents -- moms especially -- celebrate the person they are outside of their role as a parent. Her new book, SHAME ON YOU: BIG TRUTHS FROM A BAD MOM, is a hilarious collection of parenting essays that focus as much on a mother's mental health as they do on kids, and how very, very strange they are.
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Ask Margaret - I'm So Worried About Being Away From my Kid
Every week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question.
This week Margaret answers the question, "I know it's silly but I'm really worried about being away from my child for three nights. How I can deal with this?"
Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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What This Has Taught Us About Our Kids
This extended pause has been really hard for some of our kids, and actually sort of good for others. For every lonely preschooler who just wants to finally have someone to play “bad guys” with, there’s a formerly rambunctious middle-schooler who became a real scholar without all the distractions of the in-person classroom.
And the happiest kids have sometimes surprised us. The family Eeyore is sunnily certain things will be back to normal soon, while the happy-go-lucky one is taking more naps. We've learned (again) that our kids are more complicated than we imagined.
In this episode, we discuss the things we’ve learned about our kids and will take forward as parents, both for the kids who have weirdly thrived and for those who have struggled.
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Aaron E. Carroll for the NYT: The Coronavirus Has Made It Obvious. Teenagers Should Start School Later.
Nora Fleming for Edutopia: Why Are Some Kids Thriving During Remote Learning?
Randy Kulman, Ph.D. for Psychology Today: Will Distance Learning Produce a Coronavirus Virus Slump?
Debbie Meyer for Education Post: It Was Hard Being a Dyslexia Mom Before Coronavirus, And Now It's Even Harder
Debbie Meyer for Education Post: Here’s How Remote Learning Could Help Struggling Readers
Caroline Preston for The Hechinger Report: ‘A drastic experiment in progress’: How will coronavirus change our kids?
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Ask Amy - How Do I Get My 8-Year-Old to Read a Real Book?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers on listener's most pressing question.
This week a listener asks: "Any thoughts on how to get my 8 year old son to listen to/ ead anything outside his go-to genre?"
Amy suggests the "You Wouldn't Want To Be" series as particularly appealing AND educational for grade-schoolers... you can find those books here: https://www.youwouldntwantto.be/
Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next!
questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Helping Kids Feel Secure In a Scary World (With Guest Dr. Abigail Gewirtz)
No joke: this is a particularly anxiety-provoking time. And even if our kids are little, and we manage to keep the TV off most of the time, they're still picking up on a certain hum in the house, a new and different frequency.
But our job as parents is not to make it feel like like the pandemic, the social unrest, the climate change, and the coarsened social discourse of this moment isn't happening. Our job is to talk with our children about these times in age-appropriate ways.
Here's the good news: we're not supposed to present our kids with the solutions to all the things that might scare them. We're supposed to meet them where they are, help them discuss their feelings, and then ask them what feels like the right thing to do next.
Our guest this week is Dr. Abigail Gewirtz, a professor at the University of Minnesota. She’s an award-winning child psychologist and leading expert on families under stress,
Her new book is WHEN THE WORLD FEELS LIKE A SCARY PLACE: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids. There couldn't be a better book for right now! It offers parents a clear and practical guide to discussing sensitive topics in a calm, reassuring, and productive way, that will help kids comprehend and process the world around them.
We also mentioned The Week Jr. as a great resource for your 8-14 year old child to receive clear and non-terrifying information about these newsworthy times. If you have a kid who is asking questions, it's a relief to be able to offer them accurate information that won't be more than they can handle.The latest issue is available for free download here:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aqNTPKKk7fs6iNMX2zvCuDRiPJzxHbyC/view
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Ask Margaret - My Husband is a Terrible Gift Giver!
Each week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question.
Today Margaret answers the question, "What can I do about my husband who gives terrible gifts?"
Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellcast.com
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How Do We Handle This When Everyone Is Doing It Differently?
Shutting it all down was definitely hard, but the parameters of the assignment were clear.
Reopening is more like: do what you want when we think you can, or at least aren't fully convinced that you can’t.
Most of us are probably going to need to leave our houses before vaccines are available at your neighborhood Walgreens. But how do we do that safely when kids touch seriously everything? When masks are optional? When all we are learning about this virus is how little we know?
We live in a world where we are entitled to make our own decisions, for ourselves and for our families. But other people's decisions affect us, including some people we are closely related to.
How do we understand and mitigate the actual risks? How are we going to do this when everyone’s doing it differently?
Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Carolyn Hax: Balancing snowbird migration and virus mitigation
German Lopez and Amanda Northrop for Vox: How to weigh the risk of going out in the coronavirus pandemic, in one chart
Emily Oster: Grandparents & Day Care
Roni Caryn Rabin for NYT: How to Navigate Your Community Reopening? Remember the Four C’s
Leana S. Wen for Washington Post: Four concepts to assess your personal risk as the U.S. reopens
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Ask Amy - My Toddler Doesn't Listen When I Say "Stop!"
Each week Margaret or Amy answers a listener's parenting question.
This week Amy answers the question, "How do I get my incredibly active 2 1/2 year old to stop when I tell her to?"
Submit your parenting question– we might answer yours next!
questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Talking With Our Kids About Race (with guest Deborah Porter)
The idea that our kids are colorblind, and that we therefore should put off talking to our kids about race because they’re too young to understand its complicating factors, is wrong. And mothers of color could have told us that a long time ago.
As parents, we should be talking about race with our kids early and often. Dr. Erin Winkler’s work shows that when parents are silent about race with our kids, or use "colorblind" rhetoric, we may actually reinforce racial prejudice.
Yes, exploring race and racism and its many implications makes many of us uncomfortable. But it may be a lot easier than we're making it, as this week's guest, Deborah Porter, explains:
“You have to be able to tell the truth in an age-appropriate way. To not discuss race is not being truthful. We can be truthful with our children about what race looks like in an age-appropriate way, where for them, it's just the thing that we're talking about today."
We've created a Google doc with lists and articles and videos and social media accounts that can help us all in our work of raising anti-racist kids. You can find the list at bit.ly/raisingantiracistkids. If you see other resources you'd like us to add, tag us or send us an email: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
Here are links to writing and research on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Mellody Hobson’s TED Talk: Color Blind, or Color Brave?
Dr. Erin Winkler: Children Are Not Colorblind: How Young Children Learn Race
Sierra Filucci for Common Sense Media: How White Parents Can Use Media to Raise Anti-Racist Kids
prettygooddesign.org: Your Kids Aren't Too Young to Talk About Race: Resource Roundup
"White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack" by Peggy McIntosh
Margaret Hagerman for Time: Why White Parents Need to Do More Than Talk to Their Kids About Racism
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Ask Margaret - Dealing With My Kids' Coping Mechanisms
Each week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question.
Today Margaret answers the question, "What should I do about my kids' troublesome coping mechanisms during the coronavirus outbreak?"
Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Uh-Oh, Here Comes Summer (with guests Ashley and Keri from the Momtourage Podcast)
Here comes the summer of nothing! For older kids, camps and sports leagues and internships and jobs are canceled. For little kids, even "Camp Grandma" isn't a sure thing this year.
We usually look forward to summer as a lazy-living, sleep in and lie around break from our usual hectic lives. But our kids have already *had* three months of lying around doing nothing, and the thought of three more months of cranky pajama time is not reassuring.
How are we going to make July different from March this year?
Our guests this week are Ashley Hearon-Smith and Keri Setaro from the Momtourage podcast.
We talk with Ashley and Keri about the "special hard" of each age group when you're looking at a summer calendar with basically nothing on it.
No matter how old your kids are, we think the answer is pretty much the same: give your kids the gift of free play, also known as the Land On The Other Side of Boredom.
Here are links to writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
Melissa Bernstein for Thrive Global: How Screen Time is Edging Out Play Time – and Why It Matters
Esther Entin for The Atlantic: All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed
Michael E. Ruane for Washington Post: The coronavirus wrecked spring. Will it claim summer, too?
Sydney Trent for Washington Post: Summer jobs for teens are scarce, but a little boredom has its benefits
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Ask Amy - My Toddler is Mean to Her Older Sibling
Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question.
Today Amy answers the question, "What can I do about my toddler who is giving a hard time to my older child?"
Submit your question to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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This One Thing Is Actually Going Well
What’s the one thing that’s actually working right now?
Not grading on a curve, not a barely acceptable Band-Aid for these crazy times, but something you have found during these last months that you actually love and will totally keep doing?
Our listeners told us all the things, from walking the dog to Grateful Dad cover shows, that they’re doing by themselves, with a socially distanced friend, or with a loved one at home, that are really enjoyable right now.
The light-bulb moments for us in this episode were
- in order to have fun socially-distanced friend time, you need to have a shared secondary activity. Even if it’s a beer pong app.
- in order to have renewing personal time, you need to have a fully engrossing, sensory-filling activity. Even if it’s mowing the lawn.
- keep it bite-sized. We don’t have to talk to our friends for half an hour, or not at all.
What all these discoveries have in common is that it took what our listener Mollie calls “the leisure to dwell on little things” in order to find them. We love that. For that one thing, we are pretty grateful.
Here are links to a few things mentioned in this episode:
Grateful Dead “Dead and Company” tribute shows
TableTopics "Family Gathering" topic cards
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Ask Margaret - The Bedtime Routine is Out of Hand!
Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question.
This week Margaret answers the question, "What Do I Do With a Four Year Old Who is Making Bedtime Last Forever?"
Send your questions to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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The Great Regression: Why We're All Acting Like Babies Right Now
Potty training back-sliding? Pacifiers showing up at breakfast? Preschoolers in your bed? Tweens suddenly engaging in baby talk? Welcome to The Great Regression.
It's no surprise that regressive behavior shows up in times of stress. Sometimes it's not as easy to spot, but whether it's more clingy behavior or more temper tantrums, regression is our kids' way of communicating that they are feeling insecure. As child development specialist Claire Lerner explains, "When kids feel out of control on the inside, they lose control on the outside."
In this episode, we discuss
- how regressive behavior can manifest, including for grownups
- when we should let it be
- what works to address it, and what definitely doesn't
Does it matter if your kid is still sucking her thumb in first grade because she was involved in a global pandemic? It does not. But addressing the underlying need for reassurance is the best way forward, for your kid and for you.
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Caroline Bologna for HuffPost: 10 Mental Health Signs To Watch Out For In Kids In The Age Of COVID-19
Claire Lerner for Psychology Today: Regression in the Time of Coronavirus
Hermioni N. Lokko, MD, MPP and Theodore A. Stern, MD: Regression: Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Management
Heather Marcoux for Motherly: Why your big kid wants to be a 'baby' right now
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Getting Literally Anything Done (with guests Laura Vanderkam and Sarah Hart-Unger)
We're now on YouTube! Subscribe and catch our video shorts here: http://bit.ly/WFHyoutube
After eight weeks in this new normal, our to-do lists have started to get a little lengthy. These days, we're all full-time stay-at-home AND work-at-home moms, and while the larger world seemed willing to let things slide for a while, we're feeling a lot more pressure to actually get stuff done. How do we get to what's most important in the extremely limited bursts of kid-free productivity we might have?
Our guests are Laura Vanderkam and Sarah Hart-Unger, co-hosts of the Best of Both Worlds podcast, on how to get more out of life at work and at home.
We're featured on their podcast this week too- you can find that episode, on how to find humor in parenting right now, here!
Here are links to research and ideas discussed in this episode:
the concept of extinction bursts
Strangers Drowning: Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Urge to Help by Larissa MacFarquhar
Alice Boyce for Harvard Business Review: How Working Parents Can Let Go of Perfectionism
Michaeleen Doucleff for NYT Parenting: Turn Your Demanding Child Into a Productive Co-Worker
Jennifer Wallace for Washington Post's On Parenting: Life in lockdown is testing parents’ bandwidth, but there are ways to protect your mental energy
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Ask Margaret - Should I Sleep-Train During the Pandemic?
Every week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question.
Today Margaret tackles the question, "Should I sleep-train my baby while we're all stuck at home?"
Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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We'll Call It a Win! Microscopic Mom Victories
We asked all of you to tell us your “mom wins” since quarantine life started- the smaller, the better. We're all taking success wherever we can find it these days.
Whether it’s synchronized napping, picky eaters trying meatballs, or a 5-year-old who finally slept past 7 a.m., we salute all these successes, no matter how miniscule.
Thanks to all of you for making our own mothering journeys so full of community and laughter.
Happy Mother’s Day!
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Ask Amy - How Can I Help My Child Who is Having Nightmares?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing question.
This week Amy answers the question, "How can I help my three-and-a-half year old daughter who is having nightmares?"
Submit your question to quesitons@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Maintaining Momentum (Or Not)
Six weeks in, and most of us are having a lot of trouble with what one of our listeners called this "very strange limbo."
That listener asked in our Facebook group what she might do to make herself get off the couch, stop looking at her phone, maintain momentum.
Because that is the usual goal: we all know that once we stop running and rest, we won't be able to run as far when we try again. A body at rest tends to stay at rest.
But here's the thing: when you run a marathon, and mile 19 gets really hard, you know what mile you're in. You know how much farther you have to go. And the people on the sidelines aren't small children yelling at you.
Do the usual ideas we have about productivity and energy and momentum even apply in this moment?
And if not, what are the new strategies we can put in place to help us make it to the next lamppost?
Here are links to research and other things we discuss in this episode:
our own Episode 142: Letting People Into Our Mess
Brené Brown's podcast Unlocking Us
The Lancet: The psychological impact of quarantine and how to reduce it: rapid review of the evidence
Paul Ollinger for Forge: Your Only Goal Is To Arrive
Judson Brewer for Harvard Business Review: Anxiety Is Contagious. Here’s How to Contain It.
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Ask Margaret - I'm Burnt Out on Trying to Get My Kids to FaceTime with Relatives
Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question.
This week Margaret tackles the question, "What Can I Do About Relatives Who Constantly Want to FaceTime with My Kids?"
Send your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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What Kind of Monster? Quarantine Edition!
Back by popular demand: an all-new Quarantine Edition of What Kind of Monster?
What kind of monster decides to go keto during a pandemic?
Trades away toilet paper for sourdough starter?
Finishes Mom’s chocolate stash, her razor-thin tether to sanity?
Slices an avocado horizontally?
Our listeners weigh in with the straws that will break their quarantine backs.
It goes without saying that during these unprecedented times, we must greet other humans- particularly those with whom we share close quarters- with our maximum generosity.
But THEN... come and vent about #WKOM is ruining your quarantine in our Facebook group!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast
And if you'd like to download Margaret's quarantunes playlist, it's here:
https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/covid-19/pl.u-78dpTpN1MZ
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Ask Amy - My Teenagers Are So Done With Quarantine Life!
This week Amy answers a question from a listener whose 17 and 15-year-olds who are "finally starting to lose their minds" with this extended no-school lock down, and time away from their peers.
Dr. Lisa D'Amour did an excellent interview on the NYT Book Review podcast on how to help teens through this moment- you can find it here: https://www.drlisadamour.com/2020/04/05/april-2020-parenting-under-stay-at-home-orders/
Amy also mentions Bark as a good way to monitor your teens' online activity without snooping- here is our affiliate link: Bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK
Submit your question- Amy or Margaret might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Stay-At-Home Revelations: Things We've Learned
As we round the curve into what’s been a full month of Uno, math worksheets, and never going anywhere, we’ve all learned a few things. Here are our stay-at-home revelations about our homes, our cooking, our relationships, and our kids.
We’re undergoing a Big Reset about what our families “need,” whether it’s another box from Amazon, family dinner conversations, or maternal interference in sibling squabbling.
The head of school at Amy’s daughter’s elementary school called this moment a “semi-colon for their childhoods.” Some parts of it have been pretty good, actually. Some parts horrible. It’s okay. We don’t have to pretend that this isn’t significant; we just have to do what we can to make it all a little easier.
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Ask Margaret - My Kid Won't Play Alone
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing question.
This week Margaret answers the question, "What Should I Do When My Kid Won't Play Alone?"
Send your questions to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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What's Working Right Now
Don't get us wrong: in most ways, we've gone feral. But here’s what’s actually working during this stay-at-home time, for us and for our listeners:
- for our anxiety
- for our family chore buy-in
- for our kitchen ennui
- for laughter
- for exercise
- and for our senses of hope.
Above all, we offer you this: never interrupt a happy quarantined family member while they are doing... whatever it is that is making them happy. We love this quote from our listener Shannon:
“Instead of having a schedule for your day, consider having a routine. If you have a nice routine of activities you do each day, you get into a comfortable rhythm. If you try to stick with a time to schedule, you might miss out on some lovely moments. Five minutes before we were supposed to be starting schoolwork, my kids built a blanket fort where my son read to my daughter. What a gift! School will start, but this moment is more important for their relationship and this mama's heart.”
Here are links to things we mention in this episode:
Power Within Fit family workouts on Facebook
Lazy Genius on Instagram: Become an Energy Detective
Helen Dodd for The Conversation: Coronavirus-just letting children play will help them, and their parents, cope
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Ask Amy - How Do I Talk to My Kids About Missing Milestone Events?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Amy tackles the question, "How Do I Talk to My Kids About Missing Milestone Events?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint!
We’re still collecting data, but from our limited household samples, the realization that we’re all in this for somewhat longer than we had bargained for is having some ramifications.
Homeschooling feels doable when it’s a snow-day novelty. It feels different when you’re relearning middle school math while also learning how to work from home and provide three meals a day instead of two.
On the plus side, a lot of things we usually spend our precious bandwidth on have become blessedly hypothetical. Anything that isn't this doesn't matter. Anything that is this? Is not something for which we are yet required to have any perspective at all.
In the meantime, here's how we're coping and keeping it going. As always, laughter is helping, and that's why, more than ever, we're so grateful for this podcast community.
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Ask Margaret - How Seriously Should I Take This Homeschooling Thing?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Margaret tackles the question, "How Seriously Should I Take This Homeschooling Thing?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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How Are We Going to Keep These Kids Busy?
The Great Stay-Home Experiment continues, and no matter how many kids you have or how old they are, if you're a mom, your life just got more complicated.
This episode is full of ideas for keeping kids busy, both indoors and out, with stuff you probably already have around the house. Some of these projects involve parental setup, but *not* parental participation, which is particularly clutch right now. Grab that videoconference time wherever you can!
Lots of this episode's ideas came from our listeners. Our Facebook group is the perfect community right now! Tons of resources, laughs, and support. Join us!
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Ask Amy - How Can I Get My Big Kids to Pitch In In the Kitchen?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Amy tackles the question, "How Can I Get My Big Kids to Pitch In In The Kitchen?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Gaming: Not All Bad! (Thank Goodness)
If your kids are home more right now, chances are they're gaming more. Part of that is just going with the flow of this moment. But as any mom whose kid can game all afternoon will tell you, the problem comes when it's time to turn them OFF. There's never a good time (and no, your kids aren't lying; the games are designed that way). And there's no question video games are addicting- in a recent study, 6 out of 10 teens said they'd made their own attempts, apart from parental influence, to cut back.
But the evidence linking gaming to hyperactivity, aggression, and worse grades at school is more tenuous than you might think. And there are distinct, significant advantages that gaming can give kids. In this episode, we discuss the good and bad of gaming, plus how to set household policies around gaming that will make everyone happy.
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Adam Lobel et al: Video Gaming and Children’s Psychosocial Wellbeing: A Longitudinal Study
Dawnthea Price Lisco for Slate Parenting: Decide What Age-Appropriate Means To You
Science Daily: Video game ratings work, if you use them
Science Daily: School, health and behavior suffer when children have TV, video games in bedroom
Pew Research Center: Teens hold mixed opinions about whether they spend too much time in front of screens …
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Ask Margaret - How Do I Get My Kids to Help Keep the House Clean?
Each week Margaret or Amy answers a listener's most pressing question.
This week Margaret answers the question, "How Do I Get My Kids to Help Keep the House Clean?"
Submit your questions to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Real Self-Care for Moms
Does self-care mean ice cream? Facial serums? Leaning in? Saying no? Taking yoga? According to our listeners, it means all of the above.
In this episode, we talk both about how to arrive at your personal definition of self-care, and how to prioritize it, so your self-care practice will be there for you when you need it. You can't just meditate extra on the day your kids both get the stomach flu. Self-care is a program you kind of need to have running in the background all the time.
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Jacqueline Baker for The Mighty: When Self-Care Means Saying 'No'
Tim Herrera for NYT Smarter Living: How to Make ‘Self-Care’ Actually Feel Like Self-Care
Jenny Odell: How To Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy
Deanna Zandt: The Unspoken Complexity of 'Self-Care'
Claire Zulkey for Romper: The Hardest Thing To Do Is 'Less' Of All That
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Ask Amy - How Do I Get Grandma to Limit Screen Time When She's Babysitting?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Amy answers: "How do I get Grandma to stop plopping the kids in front of screens?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Do In-Laws Get a Bad Rap?
In-law relationships are close by design, not by choice. No wonder they're complicated. We heard from listeners who have fantastic in-laws, and others for whom no contact at all is the only option.
In this episode, we discuss
- whether mothers-in-law, in particular, get a bad rap
- how many sit-downs you're allowed to have ever (spoiler alert: three)
- how to operate from a standpoint of maximum available generosity
- how to "watch your ratios" to improve your relationship with your spouse's parents
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Madeleine A. Fugère Ph.D. for Psychology Today: Why You and Your Mother-in-Law May Not Get Along
Karen L. Fingerman, Megan Gilligan, Laura VanderDrift, and Lindsay Pitzer: In-law Relationships Before and After Marriage
Margarita Tartakovsky for Psych Central: How Healthy Couples Deal with Their In-Laws
The Naked Marriage Podcast: Healthy Boundaries with In-Laws
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Ask Margaret - Should I Take My Child to a Funeral?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Margaret tackles the question, "Should I take my child to a funeral?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Where Did This Kid Come From? When Our Kids Are Nothing Like Us
There are times when we say "Where did this kid come from?!" and it's totally exciting, like: I'm kind of a shy person, and my kid can talk to anyone. I am completely uncoordinated, and my kid's on the all-state gymnastics team.
Then there are the times when perceiving our kids as nothing like us can make us apprehensive, as in: I am the most outgoing person in the world, and my kid won't even make eye contact. I loved being on the softball team, and my kid cries if she strikes out.
As parents, we can get a little stuck on figuring out how to close that gap, by clamping down on the things that feel unfamiliar, trying to change the ways our kids are differently wired so that their lives will be easier (as in, more like our own). But we risk missing the kid that's there in front of us while we try to parent the kid we thought we were going to have.
In this episode, we talk about how to be okay with that gap, rather than wishing it away, and how to support our kids' dreams even when they slightly baffle us.
We also discuss the excellent book Far From The Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity, in which Andrew Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children, but also find profound meaning in doing so.
We're going to be okay. So are they.
Here are links to other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Associated Press: Non-athletic parents may have best advantage with sports-minded kids
Julia Ries for Family Education: My Kid is Nothing Like Me
Erin Zammett Ruddy for Real Simple: How to Parent a Kid Who's Nothing Like You
and for an opposite point of view, this episode of our own podcast: What To Do When They're Just Like You
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Ask Amy - Helping Kids Deal With a Move
Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's question.
This week Amy answers a question from a woman who is preparing for a family move and wants to know how to explain it to her four-year-old.
Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Letting Kids Be Little
In a world where kids get big praise for hitting their developmental milestones ahead of schedule- he sat up before six months! She was talking in sentences before her second birthday!- there are still times and places to let kids be little.
Letting kids be little means maybe they are wiggly worms when you'd like them to be sitting still.
Letting kids be little means letting them come back and touch base with you, and then leave, and come back, and then leave, and come back.
Letting kids be little means letting them still have those things that the world says they’re too big for. It means encouraging them to do and to have what they love, even if it isn't cool.
Here’s how we try to let our kids be little, and how it has made our kids’ lives (and ours) more joyful.
We find that we have the most fun in our families when we're the silliest-and when we let the kids be the littlest.
Here are links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:
Dr. Ned Hallowell for Parents League: Protecting Childhood
Meredith Ethington for Scary Mommy: I Finally Get What They Mean By ‘Let Them Be Little’
Dr. Perri Klass for The New York Times: Offering Kids a Taste of Alcohol
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Ask Margaret - How Should I Deal With Potty Talk?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Margaret tackles the question, "Should I try to put a stop to my kids' constant potty talk?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Letting People Into Our Mess (with guest Kristina Kuzmic)
Every mom has struggles. Every mom has dark times. Too often, those are the times when we stop showing up in our lives, thinking that our problems make us less worthy. As psychologist Dr. Susan Silver explains, “Women often don't feel that they deserve help— or they think something is wrong with them, and that they've failed in some way, if they have to go to somebody else for help.”
But our personal unsolvable crisis might be perceived by a friend as a challenge. And allowing ourselves to say "I stink at this a lot of the time" opens us up to a better, richer life experience than when we only share our carefully curated selves. There are risks to being authentic. The payoffs are worth it.
Our guest is Kristina Kuzmic, author of the new book HOLD ON, BUT DON’T HOLD STILL: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life. Kristina offers hard-won wisdom to all of us who have ever struggled to feel good enough, and her book is full both of hilarity and of serious wisdom about staying in community, even when our lives are messy. Here's how Kristina puts it:
“We are not meant to walk through this life alone. Name any situation you want to improve, and I guarantee you you'll get there faster and more effectively if you reach out to others.”
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Ask Amy- Help! There's a Biter at My Kid's Daycare
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Amy tackles the question, "What can I do about a biter at my kid's daycare?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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When to Go With Your Gut: Doing What's Right For Your Kid
We asked our listeners if there was a time in their lives when they had to make the hard or unconventional choice in order to do what was right for their kids.
From potty-training to red-shirting to homeschooling to adoption, these are some of the times the moms in our tribe had to go with their guts.
If there's anything we've learned as parents, it's that that "nagging feeling" is something that should usually be acknowledged. (That goes for when it's the doctor or teacher having that nagging feeling, too, even if we ourselves do not.)
Whether it's with doctors, teachers, coaches, or well-meaning relatives, here's how to have the tough conversations and stand up for your kid.
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Ask Margaret - How Can I Increase My Child's Self-Esteem?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Margaret tackles the question, "How can I increase my child's self-esteem?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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When Is This Going to Be Fun Again? Lighthearted Parenting
We all fall into the trap of thinking that every day with our kids has to contain a “snowglobe moment,” a social-media-worthy image of perfect joy for our entire family.
And even if part of us knows that’s not realistic, another part of us thinks that it’s all supposed to be fun. That there must be something wrong with us if we don’t love every single moment of our chaotic lives with little ones.
But once we kick that shame to the curb, there really are ways to make our lives as parents more fun and lighthearted. Even on a regular Tuesday.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How we can be lighthearted, even when things aren’t fun
- How we can have fun even when things aren’t easy
- How we can have fun even when our kids definitely aren’t
Our basic takeaway: parenting definitely gets a little more fun as our kids get a little bit easier… and by “easier,” we mean “not throwing themselves into mortal danger every ninety seconds because they don’t know any better.”
The first step to having more fun may simply be to wish that it were so. As motivational speaker Danielle LaPorte explains: “Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent form of clarity you can have.”
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Ask Amy - How Can I Get My Child to Do More for Herself?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question.
This week Amy tackles the question, "How can I get my daughter to do more for herself?"
Submit your question- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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What Kind of Monster?
There are these things that you just don't understand why anybody would do. But some people do them.
We aren't about judgment at the What Fresh Hell podcast, but we do sometimes have to ask: what kind of monster?
What kind of monster listens to videos on speaker?
Or keeps the keyboard clicks on their phone?
What kind of monster takes up two parking spots?
Puts empty cereal boxes back in the cabinet?
Gives small children toys with one hundred tiny pieces?
We went to our Facebook page and we asked people to share what kind of monsters they were encountering on a daily basis. In this episode we explore quite a few. And here's a disclaimer: we may each have been one or more of these monsters before.
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Toddlers: The Great Equalizer (with guest Clint Edwards)
Toddlers are the great equalizer: no matter how strong you think you are, the short fat dictator has what it takes to break you.
If you're in the throes of toddlerhood, we salute you. Knowing that it won't last forever can help. Knowing that tantrums are a biological imperative also helps. Still, it's a good thing their adorable faces and fat little dimpled hands activate pleasure and reward regions in literally every human brain, cause they BETTER be cute, is what we're saying.
In this episode, we commiserate and troubleshoot life with toddlers with guest Clint Edwards, author of Silence is a Scary Sound: And Other Stories on Living Through the Terrible Twos and Threes.
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Ask Amy - How Can I Deal With This Fussy Baby?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing question.
Today Amy answers the question, "How can I deal with this fussy baby?"
Submit your parenting dilemmas to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Anger Management for Kids
Take our listener survey! Here's the link: https://bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey
The best way to handle our children’s anger is to equip them with the tools to handle it themselves. You don’t have to smother children's emotions in order to calm them down; as your kids get older, you really can't. But you don’t need to throw up your hands and accommodate their anger and everything that comes with it, either.
We talk at length in this episode about an excellent book for kids on this topic: “What To Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide To Overcoming Problems With Anger.”by Dawn Huebner. The book is aimed at grade-schoolers, but there’s much to learn in here for kids of all ages (and their parents)!
Whether your kid is 4 or 14, this episode will help you stand outside their storms and get your calm house back a little sooner.
If you’d like a transcript of this episode, you can find it here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/01/angermanagementtranscript/,
If you’d like to do a deep-dive on anger management for parents, check out our “Sometimes We Lose It” episode here.
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Ask Margaret - How Can I Help My Kids Care About Things I Think Are Important?
Each week Margaret or Amy tackles a listener's most pressing question.
This week Margaret answers the question, "How can I get my kids to care about things I think are important?"
Submit your questions at questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Back to One: Things We're Starting Over This Year
One of our very favorite things to say on this podcast, “back to one," is a term you'll hear dozens of times a day on any television or film set. It means resetting everything about a scene-- the cameras, the actors, the extras, the dollar bill that gets handed over, the coffee cup that gets picked up-- in order to do another take of that same scene. There's never any sense of disappointment or whose-fault-was-it judgment involved in doing a "back to one." It's just a reset so you can try it all again.
We apply "back to one" to all areas of our parenting lives that need a reset, whether it's twice a month or once every ninety seconds (take that deep, cleansing breath). And as we look to a new decade, we're making this new year's goals "back to ones" as well. We're skipping the part where we feel bad that we didn't read all the books we said we would last year. We're just saying "back to one" and resetting that intention for the coming year.
Here are what our listeners told us their "back to ones" for the new year are, plus a few of our own. We'll be resetting a lot, including what it means to have resolutions and goals for the new year in the first place. A reset is not a failure. It’s just what happens next.
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Ask Amy- How Early Should Kids Learn How To Share?
Each week Margaret or Amy tackles a listener's most pressing question.
This week Amy answers the question, "How can we teach our three-year-old son that he has to share his toys with his soon-to-crawl baby sister?"
Amy mentions this article by Sarah S. MacLaughlin for Zero to Three- it's full of great suggestions on this topic:
http://https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/1964-helping-young-children-with-sharing
Submit your questions at questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com
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Ask Margaret - How Do I Navigate Splitting Time When Visiting Family?
Each week Amy or Margaret tackles a listener's most pressing question.
This week Margaret answers, "How do I handle splitting time between my parents and my husband's parents at the holidays?"
Submit your questions to info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Holiday Fails
Experts say happiness is often purer in the anticipation of an event. The reality can be a little more messy. And at no time of year is that sentiment more true than during the holiday season.
We asked our listeners to tell us their holiday worsts, and in this episode we discuss them all, plus a few of our own. Hams glazed with norovirus! Toddlers sleeping in airports! And of course, everyone's favorite Yuletide treat: The Vomiting Christmas Baby!
And yet those are the holidays we remember best. Which makes it (almost) all worth it.
Think your holiday season has been a little crazy? Hold our eggnog.
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Is Everyone Having Fun Without Me? Motherhood and FOMO
FOMO, or the “fear of missing out,” was a term coined around 2011 to describe the feeling you get when you see friends on social media posting about lives just a little more exciting than your own. Behavioral researcher Dan Ariely calls it "the worry that tugs at the corners of our minds, set off by the fear of regret."
It's a feeling definitely made worse by the constant ability we all have to check in on what other people are doing. According to a 2016 survey, three-quarters of parents use Facebook; 61% of those parents check it several times a day. "We get online to check on what everyone else is doing on a wonderful summer afternoon," writer Susan Narjala explains, "and it takes about ten seconds to feel worse about ourselves and our lives."
But even when we succeed in unplugging, FOMO can rear its head in real life. And once we become parents, the FOMO we feel on our kids' behalf-- the party invites that don't come, the Disney World vacations we can't afford right now-- can seriously interfere with our happiness.
In this episode, we discuss when we've felt FOMO in our own lives, why we tend to feel more envious of our neighbor's house than, say, Beyoncé's, and how to stop the compare-and-despair when it all gets to be a little too much.
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Jason Goldman for Scientific American: Why Bronze Medalists Are Happier Than Silver Winners
Susan Narjala for Motherly: Five Ways To FOMO-Proof Your Parenting
Jenny Evans for Scary Mommy: We Have FOMO For Our Children, And We Need To Get Over It ASAP
Jenna Wortham for The New York Times: Feel Like a Wallflower? Maybe It's Your Facebook Wall.
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What Are You Grateful For? (with guest Nancy Davis Kho)
Do you respond to the idea of "practicing" gratitude with a heavy dose of nope?
In this episode we discuss the science behind the gratitude>>happiness>>more gratitude>>more happiness loop.
Studies have proven that regularly expressing gratitude actually changes the structures of our brains to make us healthier and happier, thanks to something called "positive recall bias." In other words, if you start looking out for yellow cars, you'll suddenly see them wherever you go.
Wouldn't we all be better off living in a happier, yellowier-car world? And what if getting to that point was 1) not that hard and 2) kind of fun also?
Our guest this week is Nancy Davis Kho, author of the new book The Thank-You Project: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time. Nancy's book is a lovely meditation on gratitude, and also a how-to guide to starting your own thank-you-letter-writing project. We loved this book!
If you'd like to hear more about raising grateful kids , we've got an episode for that too! Just click the link- or if you're not seeing a link, go to bit.ly/WFHgratefulkids.
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The Whining is Killing Us
Whining is what experts call a “low-power strategy of dominance.” Kids do it because it’s what’s available to them. Since it drives parents bonkers, it’s remarkably effective. And it turns out whining really is as annoying as we think it is. A recent study tested whether adults (non-parents and parents both) were more distracted by whining than other sounds. The result? Everyone in the study, whether they had kids or not, found the sound of a whining toddler twice as distracting as the sound of a table saw screeching at full volume.
As effective as this "auditory sensitivity" is, no wonder most humans between the ages of two and four learn to take full advantage. Still, there are things we can do to make the whining bother us less, which will make it less effective, which will make our kids do it less, and look who's got a strategy of dominance now?
In this episode, we discuss the best ways to deal with whiners, and how to perhaps greet it with a bit more generosity. We might as well; we're probably stuck with it. As parenting specialist Bonnie Harris puts it:
"Whining is as developmental and normal in a toddler’s life as discovering the pleasure of saying “no." Don’t think about teaching your child not to do it. Do think about ways you can help yourself deal with it calmly and perhaps shorten its duration."
Here are links to research on whining that we discuss in this episode:
- Bonnie Harris for Christian Science Monitor: Five parenting tips to put a stop to your child's whining
- Dr. Guy Winch for Psychology Today: A Simple Trick to Get Your Kid to Stop Whining
- Erin Leyba for Motherly: It’s science: Kids whine for a (very good) reason
- Jonathan Allen for Reuters: Study: Child's whining one of life's most distracting sounds
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Ask Margaret - Should I Throw Away the Diapers?
Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing parenting question.
Today Margaret tackles the question, "Should I throw away the diapers to encourage my kiddo to commit to potty training?"
Submit yours! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
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Meeting Our Kids Where They Are
It's hard not to be a little nervous when your kid is the only one still crying at preschool dropoff. Or the only one still spelling everything wrong in third grade. Sometimes it turns out to be a late bloomer situation, nothing to worry about. Sometimes it's an early indicator of something your kid might struggle with for a long time.
How do we move beyond our own stress about what our kids are and aren't doing like the rest of the bunch? How do we adjust our demands to meet what our kids are actually capable of? How do we set our parental expectations so that our kids will be motivated to try harder without feeling bad about themselves?
It's a tricky balance, best summed up by parent coach Sarah Wayland:
"If we never had expectations that were beyond our children’s current abilities, we wouldn’t teach them anything.... But I’m at my absolute worst as a parent when my expectations are far beyond my kids’ abilities."
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Joanna Faber: Manage Your Expectations, Not Your Child
Terri Mauro for Very Well Family: Backward Chaining for Special-Needs Children
Dr. Sarah C. Wayland for Guiding Exceptional Parents: Meet Your Kids Where They Are
Elaine Taylor-Klaus for Impact ADHD: Shift Your Expectations to Manage Complex Kids
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The Small Things That Drive Moms Insane
We asked the listeners to tell us their extremely minor annoyances of motherhood-- the smaller and more seemingly inconsequential, the better, because it turns out those are things that really make us loco.
From soggy bath toys, to pushing swings, to the toddler who spins around and offers the wrong arm to be put into the held-up coat sleeve, here are many of the teeny-tiny things that drive moms insane.
Join the fun on our Facebook page!
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Better Then or Better Now?
Anyone old enough to remember TV antennas and New Coke usually says that things were way better in the free-wheeling, simple-living, “don't come home till it's getting dark outside” days of our childhoods.
But were they really? And what about for our parents?
From maternity clothes to snow days to school nights to movie nights, in this episode we decide whether the things that loom largest in our lives as kids (and now as moms) are Better Then or Better Now.
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Changing the Invisible Workload (with guest Eve Rodsky)
The "invisible workload" has become shorthand for the never-ending to-do list that moms keep in our heads-- because much of that work is invisible to the people we do it for, let alone the larger world.
That work falls to us because moms tend to be the default parent, whatever our outside-the-home workload (or that of our spouses) might be. Are you the one who leaves work when the baby throws up at day care? Do you know which closet the wrapping paper is in- and if you're almost out? Is it your calendar that keeps track of when your kid has to bring the snack for soccer? Yup, us too.
Most of us get majorly resentful about this invisible work. Some of us make lists of it all (to make it more visible). Those lists make us mad. Not very much changes. We start to think that this is just the way it has to be.
But we don't have to fall for the old chestnut that women are just better at multitasking, and so we might as well keep doing it all. As professor of neurogenetics Dr. Pat Levitt explains:
This week's guest tells us how to effect actual change in our household distribution of labor by putting new systems in place that work for everyone. Eve Rodsky is author of the new book Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution For When You Have Too Much To Do (And More Life To Live), and she's showing us all a path forward to create the relationships and households that we deserve. Don't miss this interview!
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When We Should (And Shouldn't) Rescue Our Kids
No matter what ages our kids are, when they need rescuing, they look to Mom. And whether we rescue them or not, we’re left second-guessing whatever it is we just did.
Did you bring that forgotten lunch to school? Nice helicoptering, loser!
Did you leave your kid to figure out his own way home from baseball when it was getting dark? Really, how can you live with yourself?
In this episode, we talk about all the situations our kids have (and will) want rescuing from, and whether or not each requires our stepping in-- and how to know.
We discuss: why “natural consequences” for your forgetful kid doesn’t mean she’ll remember her cleats next time; the structures and scaffolding you can put in place so kids can start rescuing themselves; and why “muscle confusion” isn’t just for the gym.
Basically, we think that if your kids blow it once in a while, you should go ahead and bring them the right shoes. But don’t forget to give your kids the gifts of solving their own problems once in a while. As parenting expert Dr. Robin Berman explains: "If you want to have happy kids, you have to teach them to tolerate being unhappy."
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Dr. Robin Berman for Goop: The Misguided Desire of Wanting Our Kids to be Happy
Carolyn Dalgiesh: The Sensory Child Gets Organized: Proven Systems for Rigid, Anxious, or Distracted Kids
Dr. Sarah Sarkis for Hey Sigmund: ‘I Just Want Them to Be Okay’ – Why Rescuing Our Kids Can Get in Their Way
Dr. Michael G. Thompson: When Should A Forgetful Nine-Year-Old Suffer Consequences?
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Parenting With An Audience
Have you ever felt coerced into parenting in a way you usually wouldn’t because you were in public?
Does the tsk-ing disapproval of Aunt Joan feel even worse than eyerolls from strangers?
Do you discipline your kids differently in front of friends who might hold a tighter line, even if it's in your house? Do you ever give a "now you listen to me, young man" lecture to one of your kids primarily for the benefit of his or her siblings?
For better and for worse, parenting with an audience means doing things differently. In this episode we discuss what to say to well-meaning (but still interfering) onlookers with front-row seats to your kid's tantrum without making What That Lady Must Think your primary focus. As parenting columnist Sarah Coyne reminds us, we should focus on strengthening our connections with our kids rather than pleasing the onlookers. Kids need consistent, reliable, trustworthy parents who don’t change their game plan based upon who’s acting as witness."
Here are links to other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Sarah Coyne for The Joplin Globe: Parenting with an audience changes the rules
Dr. Laura Markham for Aha! Parenting: 14 Tips for Parenting in Public
Odd Loves Company: Parenting For An Audience
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When Other Kids Are Bad Influences
What is it about the kid who throws sand that other kids find so irresistible? How do we keep our kids away from bad influences in their lives, especially as they get older? And why do parents sometimes peg exactly the wrong kids as good influences?
In this episode we discuss what age groups are most susceptible to peer influence (good and bad), how to approach the parent of a suspected bad-influencer, and how to teach our kids to approach these situations on their own. As Timothy Verduin, a professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU, explains:
"If you want kids who are resilient, you can’t isolate them from social pathogens. Think about the long view, that you’re training them to handle less-than-ideal people and solve their own problems."
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Jennifer Bleyer for Real Simple: 9 Bad Influences on Your Child (or You)
Diana Simeon for Your Teen Mag: When to Call Another Parent About Teenage Behavior Problems
Laurence Steinberg and Kathryn C. Monahan, Developmental Psychology: Age Differences in Resistance to Peer Influence
Laurence Steinberg, Temple University: Peer influence on risk taking, risk preference, and risky decision making in adolescence and adulthood: an experimental study
George Packer for The Atlantic: When The Culture War Comes For The Kids
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Hot Takes and Unpopular Opinions
We asked the members of our Facebook group for your "hot takes"- that is to say, the things you feel insanely strongly about while the rest of the world is seemingly indifferent.
From athleisure to mayonnaise to french-fry consistency to the enduring fame of Coldplay, these are your extremely fervent hot takes and unpopular opinions.
Should pizza ever, under any circumstances, be topped with pineapple? Should trophies for mere participation be forever banned? Was Dr. Seuss not that great of an actual writer? Here's what all of you really, really want the rest of us to know.
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When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth
There are a lot of reasons that one of our kids might end up getting most of our attention. Some are positive: Sophia is the best 12-year-old pitcher in the state! Some are decidedly negative: another hospital stay. Some bandwidth-hogging choices are freely made; some are obligations. Sometimes focusing on just one of our kids is temporary, and sometimes it's the sort of “new normal” that can radically reshape family dynamics.
In this episode, we talk about the times in our own parenting lives when one of our kids has taken up all (okay, 99%) of our bandwidth, and how to manage our other relationships- including with our partners- during the tough or crazy times.
In our experience, identifying and being honest about what’s taking up the bandwidth is the key to making sure everyone survives it.
Here are links to the research on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner
Antoinette Deavin, Pete Greasley, Clare Dixon for Pediatrics: Children’s Perspectives on Living With a Sibling With a Chronic Illness
Dean E. Murphy for NYT: Watching Them Watching Me
Lisa Rapaport for Reuters: Healthy kids with sick sibling may hide emotions
Nicole Schwarz for imperfectfamilies.com: When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored
Andrew Sullivan for NYT: How Do You Raise a Prodigy?
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Managing the Grandparent Relationship
What should we as parents do when the well-meaning grandparents in our lives are overindulgent of their grandchildren? Or undermine our parenting choices?
And what do we do with our own hurt feelings when our parents don't seem very interested in our kids at all?
In this episode we talk about how to create a grandparent relationship that works for everyone. It's worth the effort. Take it from our friend Belinda Luscombe, who when it comes to navigating this relationship, reminds us of the ever-present upside:
Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Susan Newman, Ph.D: Little Things Mean a Lot: Creating Happy Memories With Your Grandchildren
Jaycee Dunn for Parents: What to Do About Uninvolved Grandparents
Jo Piazza for Parents: From Toxic Mother to Loving Grandmother: How I Learned to Forgive My Mom After My Son Was Born
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How To Prepare Our Kids Now to Be Grown and Flown (with guest Lisa Heffernan)
Kids don't usually seek to lose their dependence on us as parents- and why should they? Doesn’t a grilled cheese taste so much better when Mom makes it?
So it’s up to us to teach our kids independence, and that means showing them how an ATM works sometime before they leave for college. How do we start the nest-leaving process early and often?
Our guest is Lisa Heffernan, co-creator of the parenting-older-kids website Grown and Flown. She and Lisa Heffernan are the co-authors of the new book Grown and Flown: How to Support Your Teen, Stay Close as a Family, and Raise Independent Adults.
Lisa says yes, we should start preparing our kids now to survive without us— but she’s not arguing for tough love as the only answer, whether our kids are three or twenty-three. “Being involved in your kid’s life does NOT make you a helicopter parent,” Lisa says. "It makes you a loving, supportive parent.”
It’s often harder, longer, and more complicated to make our kids do something than to just do it for them. But this week we’re going to find a moment, allow a bit of extra time, and walk our kids through a task they are eminently capable of doing for themselves. The pride they’ll feel— even if the results are imperfect— will be worth celebrating.
Here are links to some other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:
Melissa Deuter for Psychology Today: 5 Steps to Help Your Teen Leave the Nest
Rachel Martin for Your Teen Mag: The Perfect Present: Fostering Teen Independence
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Parenting Styles: Which Ones Are We (And Should We Care?)
Helicopter moms, snowplow moms, tiger moms, free-range moms… we usually define all of these parenting types in the negative: well, at least I’m not THAT.
But are there useful takeaways from each of these parenting styles that we can combine cafeteria-style to create our own? Can we reject some of the judginess of free-range parenting, or the tyranny of tiger momming, and still find things to love? What do we miss when we reject other moms' ways of doing things full-stop?
Here are links to the books and articles we mention in this episode:
Frank Bruni: Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions Mania
Amy Chua: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
Foster Cline and Jim Fay: Parenting With Love and Logic
Nancy Gibbs for Time: Roaring Tigers, Anxious Choppers
The Grammarphobia Blog: The Original Tiger Mother?
Dr. James R. Laider for Autism Watch: The "Refrigerator Mother" Hypothesis of Autism
Heather Marcoux for Motherly: 'Snowplow parents' and the lessons we can take from them
Jessica McCrory Calarco for The Atlantic: 'Free Range' Parenting's Unfair Double Standard
Claire Cain Miller and Jonah Engel Bromwich for NYT: How Parents Are Robbing Their Children of Adulthood
Arti Patel for Global News: ‘Panda parenting’ is all about giving children more freedom — but does it work?
Katie Roiphe for Slate: The Seven Myths of Helicopter Parenting
Lenore Skenazy: Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)
Emma Waverman for Today's Parent: Snowplow Parenting: The Latest Controversial Technique
Esther Wojcicki for Time: I Raised Two CEOs and a Doctor. These Are My Secrets to Parenting Successful Children
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Husband Crimes: Can This Marriage Be Saved?
We asked you to tell us your spouses’ most unacceptable-- and also extremely minor-- household infractions.
356 of you responded.
Whether it’s turning off the AC because it's "too cold" at 75 degrees, creating a Sock Mountain of not-quite-dirty-enough laundry, or pausing Netflix to point out plot holes, this episode explores everything spouses do that is trivially horrible.
It must also be said: while these offenses are most often properly termed as Husband Crimes, this episode proves that Wives can also be guilty of using ten water glasses in one day, or of eating potato chips too loudly. It seems that no marriage is entirely free of Spouse Crimes.
You are heard. You deserve justice.
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When Should Kids Tell?
Most little kids have an ironclad sense of right and wrong and are most happy to report on whoever might not be sharing in the dress-up corner. But as they get older, the stakes get a lot higher- for them, for us, and for the kid being "told on."
When should kids tell?
In this episode we discuss: the difference between "tattling" and telling, and whether telling kids "no tattling" is causing other problems; the difference between surprises and secrets;
what to do when kids say, "I'm not sure if I should tell you this"; and whom kids should tell when they can't (or won't) tell you.
Here are links to some of the research and writing on the topic discussed in this episode:
Amy Morin for Very Well Family: Why Parents Shouldn't Tell Kids to Keep Secrets
Marisa Cohen for Real Simple: How Much Privacy Should You Give Your Kids?
Valerie Reiss for Great Schools: Does Saying "Don't Tattle" Send Kids the Wrong Message?
Heidi Stevens for the Chicago Tribune: Tattling is bad, except when it's not
Together Against Bullying: Telling vs. Tattling
Teachers Pay Teachers: Tattling vs. Telling
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Imaginative Kids: Is It Ever Too Much of a Good Thing?
Is there such a thing as a too-imaginative kid? Parenting experts say no. Dr. Paul Harris, professor of education at Harvard and author of The Work of the Imagination, says that kids’ active imaginations are “essentially positive” and represent cognitive work, the way that children make sense of the world.
But if you’ve got a kid who prefers her imaginary friend to making real ones— or who terrorizes the first grade by explaining how zombies can get into one’s home through the radiator— you might still wonder whether there comes a time to tamp it all down and force our kids to deal with reality.
In this episode we talk about
- the considerable upsides of a huge imagination
- why some children have imaginary friends
- why some kids engage in “worldplay” for their imaginary worlds long after the other kids have moved on
- how to help anxious kids whose imaginations can become overly active
- how to encourage kids to engage in more imaginative play
And here’s links to the books, articles, and research we discuss in this episode:
- Lauren Child's Charlie and Lola book series, featuring the kind-of-visible Soren Lorensen
- Louise Fitzhugh: Harriet the Spy
- Dr. Robin Alter: Anxiety and the Gift of Imagination
- Paul L. Harris, The Work of the Imagination
- Joshua A. Krisch for Fatherly: Brilliant Kids Visit (and Create) Imaginary Worlds
- Michelle Root-Bernstein: The Creation of Imaginary Worlds
- Marjorie Taylor: Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them
- Deena Skolnik Weissberg: Distinguishing Imagination From Reality
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When Kids Prefer the Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)
Most of us have been (for better and for worse) recipients of the “only Mommy” level of attention from our little ones-- the sort of singular devotion that leaves our partners decidedly out in the cold. Many of us have also been on the outside looking in, with "Daddy’s girl" giving us none of the love, just eye rolls and the distinct impression that we rank not only second, but dead last.
Why do kids prefer one parent over the other? Why do those allegiances shift? Are we supposed to ignore it, and our hurt feelings, because it’s normal and developmentally appropriate? Or are there times when we should push back against this behavior? Will it get even worse if we don't?
Here are links to research and other writing on the topic we discuss in this episode:
Janet Lansbury: When Children Prefer One Parent/ Ellen Weber Libby Ph.D. for Psychology Today: IS THERE A FAVORITE PARENT?/ Carl Pickhardt for Psychology Today: Adolescence and the Case of Odd Parent Out/ Kendra Cherry for Very Well Mind: The Oedipus Complex in Children
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The Mom Gap: Getting Back Out There (with guest Christina Geist)
According to the US Department of Labor, more than a third of college-educated women pause their careers for some amount of time to raise their children. But the jobs we leave behind aren't usually waiting for us with open arms.
How do we own the time we've spent out of the workforce raising kids without apologizing for it?
How do we re-enter careers that have shifted in our absence- or create entirely new opportunities for ourselves?
We talk it all out with guest Christina Geist, a brand strategist, entrepreneur and children’s book author who lives in New York City with her husband, NBC and MSNBC host Willie Geist, and her two children.
Her second children's book, Sorry Grown-Ups, You Can't Go To School!,is just out from Random House. In this episode Christina tells us how she bridged the mom gap and launched "a 2.0 version of myself in my 40s that my 20s self would have been so relieved to meet."
Find out more about Christina, her new book, and Boombox Gifts on her website: christinageist.com.
Here are links to the research and writing on the mom gap that we discuss in this episode:
Katie Weisshaar for Harvard Business Review: Stay-at-Home Moms Are Half as Likely to Get a Job Interview as Moms Who Got Laid Off
Dorie Clark for Harvard Business Review: How Stay-at-Home Parents Can Transition Back to Work
Lisa Evans for Fast Company: 5 Ways To Eliminate The Stay-At-Home Mom Gap
Lisen Stronberg: Work PAUSE Thrive: How to Pause for Parenthood Without Killing Your Career
Wendy Wallbridge: Spiraling Upward: The 5 Co-Creative Powers for Women on the Rise
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When Your Kids Take Everything Out On You
Most parenting experts say being our kids’ safe space includes letting some amount of their snarkiness roll off our backs. It’s normal. Don’t take it personally.
And knowing that it’s universal helps. Sometimes. A little.
But we still struggle. Shouldn’t we insist on respect from our kids? And what happens when the eye-rolling and "God, Mom, don't you know anything?" really starts to wear us down?
In this episode we discuss why kids take things out on us as parents (spoiler alert: it gets worse before it gets better) and how we can lower our reactivity in order to respond more effectively.
Here’s links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss:
Christa Santangelo, PhD: A New Theory of Teenagers (book)
Alice G. Walton for The Atlantic: 12 Ways to Mess Up Your Kids
Sara Bean for Empowering Parents: “I Hate You, Mom! I Wish You Were Dead!” — When Kids Say Hurtful Things
Kim Abraham for Empowering Parents: Anger, Rage and Explosive Outbursts: How to Respond to Your Child or Teen’s Anger
Janet Lehman for Empowering Parents: Do Your Kids Respect You? 9 Ways to Change Their Attitude
Stephanie Klindt: 10 Ways To Set Appropriate Boundaries With Teens
Dr. Wendy Mogel: Mothers, don't take teen rejection personally
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Teaching Kids Empathy
What is empathy, exactly? It involves both emotion and action. For our kids, it’s an acquired skill- one that needs our guidance and encouragement to be cultivated. Here’s how to model and teach empathetic behavior.
In this episode we discuss why empathy needs to be taught in the first place, when is the right age to start, the difference between pity and empathy, and how becoming more empathetic can benefit yourself (and your own kids) just as it benefits others.
Amy Webb says that establishing sameness is a great place to start:
"Once your child has some understanding that some people are different, now is a great time to find some common ground: 'I bet she likes a lot of the same toys/games/food that you like.' You can then ask the child or the child’s caregiver what they like to do. Establishing sameness is KEY. This is when the light goes on and children realize, 'Oh, she’s just another kid, like me. We are more alike than different!'"
Here are links to research and other writing on empathy that we discuss in this episode:
Jacqueline Woodson’s Each Kindness is an award-winning book for school-aged children about what happens when empathy is not chosen
Amy Webb for A Cup of Jo: How To Navigate a Special Needs Encounter
Katie Hurley for Scary Mommy: How Can I Teach My Child Empathy?
Sumathi Reddy for the Wall Street Journal: Little Children and Already Acting Mean
Dr. Chris McCarthy: Turn Around Anxiety
Photo by Charlein Gracia on Unsplash
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House Rules That Work
We asked our listeners to tell us their go-to House Rules. Whether these words to live by are hanging in your kitchen written in cutesy script on a faux-weathered piece of wood (“in this house we give hugs”) or have been implanted in your children’s brains simply by your repeatedly screaming them, here are your (and our) best House Rules for:
screens, fighting, pets, personal space, the dinner table, sleep, Saturdays, secrets, and being nice.
Join the conversation in our Facebook group!
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Finding Your Mom Tribe
Mom tribes are a thing… for some of us. Others find it harder to make and maintain fun, easygoing friendships with other parents. But should we feel bad if we don’t have a “Sex and the City”-style group that are all equally close and whom we see three times a week?
Our listener Hester describes a mom tribe this way: like-minded moms with similar age kids who have one another's backscan be one or many, depending on your comfort level more precious than ever when the traditional support system of close family is not availableIn this episode, we discuss our listeners’ advice on how to find mom tribes, how to deepen connections with the one you may already have-- plus whether online tribes count (yes). In a day and age when our siblings and parents might live far away, it’s worth investing ourselves in the communities that can happen wherever we are.
Here's how writer Jenny Anderson explains it:
I used to think that community was as simple as having friends who bring a lasagna when things fall apart and champagne when things go well. Who pick up your kids from school when you can’t. But I think community is also an insurance policy against life’s cruelty; a kind of immunity against loss and disappointment and rage. My community will be here for my family if I cannot be. And if I die, my kids will be surrounded people who know and love them, quirks and warts and oddities and all.
By the way, our Facebook group is a tribe of really cool, funny, supportive parents- join us!
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Letting Our Kids Feel Unsafe (In a Safe Way) with Guest Evangeline Lilly
Studies show that risky play creates what Dr. Ellen Sandseter calls a “motivating, thrilling activation,” building self-confidence and self-esteem. Message received: we’re supposed to allow our kids to take risks. But how risky? Like thin-ice risky? What if our kids are fraidy-cats? What if we are?
In this episode we discuss the differences between risks and hazards and how to bring healthy doses of risk into our kids’ lives. Our kids need to learn what discomfort is- and how to deal with it- in order to feel competent and confident in the world.
We also talk expanding the boundaries of what’s acceptable for our little ones with Evangeline Lilly— yes, that Evangeline Lilly! The award-winning star of TV’s Lost and films like Avengers: Endgame and The Hobbit is also the author of The Squickerwonkers book series, which Evangeline wrote to "open a portal for children of all ages to face and talk about the darker sides of their own natures.” Think Lemony Snicket meets Edward Gorey, with impossibly gorgeous illustrations by Rodrigo Bastos Didier.
Here’s links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:
Jennifer King Lindley for Parents: Science Says Let Your Kid Push Boundaries
Dr. Mariana Brussoni: Risky Play: Losing a Childhood "Right" of Passage- and a Tool to Help Protect That Right
Dr. Ellen Sandseter et all: Children's Risky Play from an Evolutionary Perspective: The Anti-Phobic Effects of Thrilling Experiences
Susan Davis and Nancy Eppler-Wolff: Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Risk Taking in an Uncertain World.
Dr. Jim Taylor: Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child
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Making It Work for the Long Haul (with guest Belinda Luscombe)
The familiarity of long-term relationships is the best thing about them. And the worst. When our spouses' chewing or throat-clearing is enough to send us around the bend, how do we make our relationships work for the long haul?
We discuss the latest research with Belinda Luscombe, author of the informative (and hilarious) new book MARRIAGEOLOGY: THE ART AND SCIENCE OF STAYING TOGETHER. After writing about relationships for Time magazine for a decade, Belinda draws on expert advice (and twenty-seven years in the marital trenches) to explain why marriage is better for your health, your finances, your kids, and your happiness.
Luscombe argues that we don’t find our soulmates- we become them:
"This is what love is, actually. Not a fluttery feeling... but a willingness to throw down for that person, a conscious decision to do whatever you can to make that person's life a little better, more fun, less stressful."
Here are links to some of the research and other things we discuss in this episode:
Nick North and his “number system” for avoiding misunderstandings
John Gottman’s "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" (that can threaten any marriage)
University of Georgia study which found expressing gratitude toward your spouse was most significant predictor of marital quality
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Sleep Hacks (For All Ages and Stages)
Got kids? Got exhaustion. Every age has its sleep challenges, and in this episode we discuss the absolute best sleep hacks for getting babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and even older kids napping, sleeping, and staying asleep.
Here are just a few of the topics you will hear about in this chock-full-of-useful-advice episode: the importance of routine for even the youngest childrenthe absolute essential-ness of REAL blackout shades (Amy loves this cheap and easy-to-install brand) why the sleep sack isn’t just for babies how to get preschoolers to stay in bed past the first crack of dawn when co-sleeping might be the best answer the best playlists and apps to help set the sleepytime mood why sleep training is never a matter of “one and done” Special thanks to everyone who sent in sleep hacks for this episode, especially
Lori Strong and Sara Strong of Strong Little Sleepers
Dr. Sarah Mitchell of Helping Babies Sleep
Patti Smith of The Pickup Line, a daily newsletter for moms
Rachel of Cha Ching Queen
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Making Big Changes as a Family (with guest Jill Krause)
Have you ever considered selling the house, homeschooling the kids, and traveling for a year? Has a job or life change ever thrust a cross-country move, or other radical change, upon your family? Does the very notion strike terror in your heart?
In this episode, we discuss how to prepare for— and make— big changes as a family. Change feels huger and scarier when you have kids, in part because routine and structure and familiarity are the things that kids crave, and need in order to survive.
But our guest Jill Krause argues that structure, routine, and family togetherness can be found in all sorts of places. Jill’s Happy Loud Life YouTube channel has chronicled the travels of her family of six as they spent the last sixteen months touring the United States in an RV. With— you read that right— four children. Including a toddler.
So nobody is saying radical change is easy. If it were, there’d be no point in undergoing it. But change is possible. And it doesn’t always mean permanent. What “change” means, in fact, is entirely up to you and your family.
Here’s links to writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode:
I Miss You When I Blink, Mary Laura Philpott’s terrific new memoir on giving yourself permission to change
Carl Richards for NYT: Hesitant to Make That Big Life Change? Permission Granted
healthychildren.org- Helping Children Adjust to a Move
Peaceful Parent Institute - Helping Children Adjust to Change
We've partnered with a great new iPhone app called Airr that lets you save and share the best moments of this (or any!) podcast. With one click Airr captures the moments that stand out to you while you’re listening, and then allows you to send the clips to your friends or share them on social media. Airr is a free app that’s currently in private beta, but What Fresh Hell listeners can get early access to the app by going to http://bit.ly/airr-whatfreshhell.
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Do We Really Have To Play With Our Kids? When Parenting Feels Relentless
According to researcher Patrick Ishizuka, "intensive parenting has become the dominant cultural model." Sounds about right. We spend triple the time actively engaging with our kids that our own parents did with us. And even then, we all feel guilty that we're not doing more. (Or that we kind of hate playing with LOL Surprise! Dolls, and we aren't hiding it very well.)
But is more always better? Are our modern hyper-organized days creating children who have no idea how to occupy themselves, who need either a screen or one-on-one adult attention at all times? Do we *have* to play with our kids? Is there a way for parenting to feel a little less relentless?
Here are links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:
Claire Cain Miller for the New York Times: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
Rebecca Onion for Slate: Playtime is Over
Suzanne M. Bianchi et al: Changing Rhythms of American Family Life
Janet Lansbury: RIE Parenting Basics (9 Ways to Put Respect into Action)
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Mom Wins! (and Mother's Day Fails)
Happy Mother’s Day Week! In this episode we salute YOU, Mom. Our listeners told us their biggest mom wins and we are passing out some awards- like to Francesca, who has convinced her rambunctious two-year-old that the signs in most public spaces say that all little boys have to stand right next to their mommies.
We also address the various ways that our small children’s Mother’s Day art projects have completely ratted us out. If you’ve ever stood in the hallway outside a kindergarten classroom and seen, projected in three-inch crayoned letters, the proclamation that your own favorite food is “BEER,” we are here for you.
Check out whatfreshhellpodcast.com for Amy’s “mom prom” picture and Billy Collins’ poem The Lanyard, which perfectly encapsulates the insufficiency of any Mother’s Day gift to properly thank us for what we do. You know what? That’s the point. No thanks *can* be good enough. So enjoy those lukewarm eggs benedict and hastily-purchased greeting cards! You’re worth it- and so very much more.
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Screen-Free Week: How To Survive and Why It's Worth It
We all know it: our kids are on screens too much. And us parents? Well, if you haven't used Apple's Screen Time function yet, prepare to be horrified.
So have you ever considered a cold-turkey no-screens experiment in your home? Screen Free Week is coming up, and it gives us the perfect opportunity to present the idea to our families.
But no, you might be saying. We couldn't possibly. My kids would fight! We need that down time! There's all that candy to crush!
And to that we say, fear not, because we did it first. And we are here to tell you that you won't just find hours of time- you will, as Margaret put it, see entire bandwidths of your children's brains come alive that you hadn't even realized were asleep.
In this episode we discuss how to sell screen-free week to the kids, how to prepare, how to survive, and why we think it's worth it!
Here are links to resources and research discussed in this episode:
Kevin Roose for NYT: Do Not Disturb: How I Ditched My Phone and Unbroke My Brain
Taylor Lorenz for The Atlantic: The Hottest Chat App for Teens Is … Google Docs
Daily Mail: Smartphones, tablets causing mental health issues in kids as young as two
Dr. Jean Twenge for The Atlantic: Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?
Dr. Jean Twenge for The Conversation: Teens have less face time with their friends – and are lonelier than ever
Dr. Craig Canapari: Prevent Sleep Problems in Kids: Keep Technology Out of The Bedroom
Erika Christakis for The Atlantic: The Dangers of Distracted Parenting
Catherine Price: How to Break Up With Your Phone
Cal Newport: Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World
Leigh Stringer: On the Importance of Boredom
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Changing How We Talk To Our Kids (with guest Dr. Wendy Mogel)
It’s easy for most parents to explain what’s wrong with how our kids speak to us: the snark, sarcasm, and eye-rolling are all things we could use a lot less of. But could the way we talk to our kids use a little fine-tuning as well?
Dr. Wendy Mogel’s latest book, Voice Lessons for Parents: What to Say, How to Say It, and When To Listen, is just out in paperback. In this episode, Dr. Wendy Mogel tells us how to bridge the ever-more-complicated communication gap between parents and children, no matter what age our kids are. Over the last two years we've quoted Dr. Mogel more than any other parenting expert, and no surprise- this interview is full of "aha moments" and great ideas. You can read and download the full transcript here.
And if you still need a little convincing that we should be focusing on the faults with our own parental communication, rather than the shortcomings of our children’s techniques, consider this quote from another classic of parenting advice, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk:
"Rather than blaming your kids for all your parenting grief, you can improve communication with them by making a few changes to the way you speak to them and set the tone of a situation. Listening, sharing feelings, and respecting your kids will make your job as a parent far easier.”
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100th Episode! The Best Stories We Haven't Told Yet
100 episodes in, and we still have a few stories left to tell! In this episode we try to stump each other by playing "True or False." True or False: Amy's child once embarrassed her horribly in front of Gwyneth Paltrow. True or False: Margaret *almost* had her first child in a hallway. Listen and learn!
Thanks so much to all of our listeners who have helped us grow this show for one hundred episodes. We're honored that you're out there.
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Youth Sports: If You Must
Is there a middle ground in youth sports? Is there a place to exist between the nine-year-old icing his shoulder after a session with his pitching coach and the kid who bats last and hates every minute and never plays a team sport again?
There used to be (back in our day). There can be. But in a world where families spend 10% or more of their yearly household income on travel teams, equipment, coaches, and gear, that friendly, non-intense approach has become a lot harder to find.
In this episode we discuss how to keep the “play” in playing sports how to push back against coaches and leagues that tell third-graders they have to specialize surviving early-spring double-headers at the baseball field when to let kids quit (70% of kids quit a team sport by age 13 because it’s too intense) why girls are more likely to quit than boysand when to follow your kid’s passion, even if it means turning all of your weekends over to lacrosseand the only thing you should ever ever say to your child after a game.
Here's links to research and studies discussed in this episode:
Kingswood Camp: Our Philosophy On Sports Michael S. Rosenwald for Washington Post: Are parents ruining youth sports? Fewer kids play amid pressure.Bruce Kelly and Carl Carchia for ESPN Magazine: The Hidden Demographics of Youth SportsEmily Barone for Time: The Astronomical Cost of Kids’ SportsAspen Institute: 10 Charts that Show Progress, Challenges to Fix Youth SportsAspen Institute: STATE OF PLAY 2018: TRENDS AND DEVELOPMENTSCaitlin Morris for Aspen Institute: Changing the Game for Girls
Our main takeaway? Sports are one area where we parents need to take our eyes *off* the prize. Bring back the backyard wiffle ball game. Find places where kids of all levels can participate. And keep looking until your kid finds the sport she enjoys. It won’t always be easy, but it will probably be worth the effort.
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What We Thought Being a Mom Would Be Like (with guest Betsy Stover)
Some of the ways we imagined motherhood turned out to be pretty accurate (like how much we’d enjoy Santa Claus back in our lives). But some of it was wayy off base, like how long it takes to lose a muffin top. (It's like the Tootsie Roll Pop question: the world may never know.)
In this episode we discuss what lived up to, exceeded, and confounded our mom expectations with special guest Betsy Stover, mom of three boys and co-host of the hilarious podcast Why Mommy Drinks.
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When School Projects Become Parents' Projects
Whether it’s the science fair, the pinewood derby, or a pre-K shoebox diorama, sooner or later every kid gets assigned a school project that is, without question, a PARENTS' project. What four-year-old can fashion her own “Dress As Your Patron Saint” costume? What sixth-grader can attempt proper MLA citation format without extreme maternal participation?
It’s not so much the projects we mind- it’s the feeling that however we handle it, we’re doing it wrong. If we make the origami cranes for the kid, we’re snowplow parents. If we send them in with a social studies project they made entirely themselves out of paper plates and crayons, we also own their cheek-burning shame when their projects pale in comparison to the professionally-produced ones of their peers.
In this episode we discuss how to discern the right amount of help such projects require: not too much, and not too little. Sure, we can help our kids win the battle of the pinewood derby… but we really want to win the war of having our kids who can someday accomplish things all by themselves.
Here’s links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:
Susan Messina for Huffington Post: That Fake Science Fair Poster That Went Viral? I Made It. Here's Why
Dana Goldstein for The Atlantic: Don't Help Your Kids With Their Homework
The Broken Compass: Parental Involvement With Children’s Education
Dr. Keith Robinson and Dr. Angel Harris for the New York Times: Parental Involvement Is Overrated
Wendy Wisner for Scary Mommy: It’s Obvious When Parents Complete Their Kid’s School Projects, So Please Stop
easybib.com (Amy recommends for an easier way to create bibliographies)
sciencebuddies.org (Amy recommends as a resource to choose science fair projects)
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When You Feel Like a Failure as a Parent
In this episode we discuss all the reasons we’ve felt like failures as mothers, why we’re never as hard on others as we are on ourselves, and what we have done to mitigate these feelings of failure in our own lives.
“I feel like I’m failing at parenting fairly often,” our listener Becky wrote when she suggested this topic. If it makes you feel any better, Becky, you’ve got plenty of company. These self-inflicted guilt trips are nearly universal among mothers.
But why? Is it the 24/7 nature of the job? Is it the admittedly high stakes that come from nurturing small humans towards successful adulthoods? Is it our parenting culture, which tells us no matter how much we do, how hard we try, there’s another mother doing it just a little bit better?
We think it’s all of the above. We also think talking to other mothers is the best solution. Thanks for being part of our mothering community.
Here’s links to research and other writing on this topic discussed in this episode:
Regan Long for Motherly: To the Mom Who Feels Like She's Failing: You're Not. Promise.
Heather Marcoux for Motherly: 66% of working parents feel like they're failing—but the system is actually failing them
Doug Parker for Babble: I Feel Like I'm Failing This Parenting Thing Every Damn Day
Denise Rowden for Empowering Parents: “I Feel Like a Failure as a Parent.” How to Turn That Hopeless Feeling Around
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The Best Relationship Advice Ever
We asked our listeners to tell us the best relationship advice they've ever gotten- for romantic and platonic relationships both. In this episode, we discuss the advice that has worked best for us in the past- and what we're going to try going forward.
Stuck on what "prioritizing your spouse" really means? Tired of never going to bed angry? Looking for some time-tested fight-avoiding techniques from our listeners' great-grandmothers? You'll find much to think about in this episode!
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Helping Kids Manage Anxiety
Anxiety is a natural response to stress. Sometimes it’s even useful, like when it alerts us to danger. But when anxiety grips our children, they often don’t (can’t) explain how they’re feeling, and their inner turmoil can take over.
As psychotherapist Lynn Lyons explains:
Anxiety is a normal part of growing, changing and learning. But worry and anxiety can also become powerful and restrictive, disrupting families in ways that lead to avoidance, missed school, outbursts, conflict, and often depression if left untreated.
In this episode we discuss
- coping strategies for all ages and stages
- how anxiety in children can be easy to miss
- the negative behaviors anxious kids might exhibit
- why letting our kids avoid anxiety-causing situations is counterproductive
- how anxiety "lives in the future”
We also interview Dr. Lisa Damour about her book Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. Dr. Damour’s book is full of empathetic insight and useful takeaways for helping our anxious daughters (and sons). We discuss how to help anxious kids "settle their glitter" and how to use our own moments of stress and anxiety as opportunities for modeling.
Here’s links to other research and writing discussed in this episode:
Lindsay Holmes for Huffington Post Life: 10 Things People Get Wrong About Anxiety
Liz Matheis for anxiety.org: Identifying Signs of Anxiety in Children
CDC: Data and Statistics on Children's Mental Health
Metropolitan CBT: About Anxiety
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Middle Kids
Most people believe middle children are prone to feeling insecure and left out because they get less attention. Their primary emotional state? Jealousy of siblings. Studies show that we think these problems are real and inescapable. A City College of New York study found participants were most likely to use words like “overlooked” to describe middle children— while completely unlikely to use the word “spoiled.”
Psychologist Dr. Alfred Adler first proposed a “middle child syndrome” in the 1920s, and ever since, most of us have assumed the Jan-Brady worst. But Dr. Adler also believed that middle children’s place in the birth order made them “uniquely poised to succeed.” Are we getting it wrong? Are there lifelong benefits for kids who grow up neither the pressured oldest nor the coddled youngest?
In this episode we discuss: “middleborns” vs “classic middles,” and how both are disappearing from the American demographicthe negativity of the “middle child syndrome,” and whether or not it bears outwhy middle children are more independent and open-mindedwhy middle children have a greater appetite for riskhow the “ambient neglect” a middle child sometimes receives can be an incredible giftWriter Adam Sternbergh, himself a middle, says that "being a middle child is not something you aspire to; it’s something that happens to you.” While that may be true, it also turns out that we should perhaps all be jealous of them. Being a middle kid can be secretly great.
Here's links to research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode:
Adam Sternbergh for The Cut: The Extinction of the Middle Child
Dr. Catherine Salmon:The Secret Power of Middle Children: How Middleborns Can Harness Their Unexpected and Remarkable Abilities
Lindsay Dodgson for Business Insider: 'Middle child syndrome' doesn't actually exist — but it still might come with some surprising psychological advantages
Risk-taking middle-borns: A study on birth- order and risk preferences
Abi Berwager Schreier for Romper: Do Middle Children Really Have More Issues? Jan Brady Wasn't The Only One
Alphaparent: Optimum Family Size Facts
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The Best Advice Ever
Sometimes you gotta consult the experts. We asked our listeners to tell us their best life advice, and as usual, you all delivered! This episode is full of great advice on
-making choices
-doing what matters
-ignoring the haters
-and liking ourselves a little better.
Join the conversation in our new Facebook group!
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Punishing Kids: What Works and What Doesn't
When it comes to disciplining our kids, having "the punishment fit the crime” seems like a reasonable goal. But what if the “crime” in question is hitting a sibling?
And what makes a punishment good in the first place? Is our primary goal dissuasion or providing insight? How can our approach to discipline help our children make a better choice next time- even if they’re not worried about being caught?
In this episode we talk about what does and doesn’t work for punishing kids of all ages, and discusswhy once you’ve threatened a punishment, you have to follow throughwhy shaming is unproductive (and ineffective)why punishments for younger children need to be “logical and immediate"why punishments for older children need to go beyond taking their phoneswhy, once a kid has served the time for her crime, a parent needs to let it goIn the end, we think punishments work best when we keep our eyes on our longer-term parenting goals: teaching our kids accountability and helping them learn to self-regulate, while also ensuring domestic tranquility (and providing for the common defense).
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Making It Work When You Go Back To Work
We asked our listeners to tell us their best tips (and hardest struggles) around returning to the workplace— whether it’s been six weeks, six months, or a few years.
Our listener Greta suggested this topic. After three-and-a-half years at home with her child, she "moved across the country, started kid in preschool, and started back at work at the same time.” Dr. Lisa D’Amour says that change equals stress, and if that’s the case… that's a whole lot of change.
In this episode we discuss: dealing with the guilt (right or wrong, many mothers feel it)the surprising usefulness of the commutewhy your first day back at work should be a Wednesday the layers of challenge that breastfeeding can add. To those of you about to pump, we salute you. Here’s a link to breastfeeding-at-work rights by statehow to approach your boss about a job share If you’re a mom contemplating a onramping attempt after a quite lengthy stay-at-home gap, we talked about that a little in this episode- and then decided that deserves its own conversation! That episode is coming soon.
In the meantime, here are two back-to-work resources suggested by listener Gretchen:
When all else fails, listen to our listener Rachael:
"I went back after 12 weeks. It was tough, but I can say now that it’s been another 12 weeks, it gets easier. You get a routine. And the baby honestly does great at daycare."
What helped with your own back-to-work transition? Tell us in the comments?
Photo by Nastuh Abootalebi on Unsplash
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Surviving a Toddler and a Newborn
Parenthood is hard. Different stages have different challenges. But there’s one particular phase that is of legendary, Kilimanjaro-climbing difficulty: surviving the first few months as the parent of two children, a toddler and a newborn.
This episode was suggested by Raya, who says:
"At one point I had a newborn and newly-turned-two-year-old. With my husband working seven days a week, I found myself alone the majority of the time with both kids. My kids are now one and three and it is getting easier, but those first eight months where probably the hardest thing I have experienced.”
We agree on both counts: it gets easier. It may also be one of the hardest things we ever experienced. But here’s how to get through it! We asked our listeners to tell us their best advice for the toddler/newborn stage, and in this episode we discussthe best gear to have on handthe sanity saversthe things to do ahead of time in the moments you have one or both hands freehow to let people helpthe singular importance of consistent napping (for you too Mom)why Moana is apparently the movie to have on repeatIf you survived this stage and lived to tell the tale, take a bow (seriously, you deserve it). If you’re in it now: we see you, and you got this. If you’re about to enter this stage: okay, yes, it’s really hard. But you’ll get through it as long as you- in our listener Rachel’s words- “give yourself so much grace.”
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Having People Over
Entertaining at home is kind of like exercise: you’re so happy that you did it, but that doesn’t stop you from dreading it the next time around. Who should you invite? What should you serve? Will you ever find a playlist that won't unexpectedly veer into gangster rap or Kidzbop?
In this episode we discuss ways to take the stress out of having people over:lowering your standards (okay, easier said than done, but give it a shot)sticking with what works- nail down a few go-to dishes, and then make them every timehaving buffets instead of sit-down dinnershosting potlucks (although Amy claims these can actually be *more* work for the host)figuring out what music you’re going to play before the doorbell ringsAnd here’s some useful links for more ideas- and more reassurance:
The Simple Dollar: How to Organize a Cost-Effective and Fun Dinner Party
Laura Gaskill for Forbes: 8 Stress-Busting Tips For Hosting Small Gatherings
Nancy Mitchell for Apartment Therapy: Why Doesn’t Anyone Have Parties Anymore?
Teddy Wayne for NYT: The Death of the Party
GfK: Half of Americans entertain guests in their homes at least once a month
Isadora Allman for Psychology Today: On Entertaining and Being Entertained
Tony Naylor for The Guardian: The new rules of dinner parties: don't be on time – and bring more booze than you need
Having people over is always worth the effort. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the potluck!
Photo by Kelsey Chance on Unsplash
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The Birds and The Bees: Having 'The Talk'
Yikes. Do we really have to have “The Talk”? Yes, we do… and sooner than we’d probably like to think. Studies show that giving our kids appropriate information *before* they need it not only makes them more likely to make good decisions once they become sexually active— it also may delay the age at which such activities will begin.
In this episode we discuss:
the ages and stages of The Talk (a four-year-old gets a different answer than a preteen)why you don’t want your kids’ peers to be the arbiters of this informationwhy there’s not one “talk,” but many (or should be)how to be an “askable parent” why mothers are usually the parents tasked with these conversationshow internet parental blockers can also prevent our kids from seeing useful sex-ed contenthow to punt when you’re caught off guard (which is fine as long as you circle back later)And here’s links to research and studies we discuss in this episode:
John Sharry, Solution Talk: Facts of Life: At What Age Should We Tell Our Children About Sex?
Center For Young Women’s Health at Boston Children’s Hospital: Talking to Your Tween about Sexuality: A Guide for Parents
Lola’s personal, honest, real-life guide to your first period
Advocates for Youth: Are Parents and Teens Talking About Sex? advocatesforyouth.org
Dr. Colleen Diiorio et al: Journal of Adolescent Health: Communication about sexual issues: mothers, fathers, and friends
Rebecca Ruiz for Mashable: Internet gatekeepers block sex ed content because algorithms think they’re porn
It’s up to us to keep the conversation going on these topics. And if you’d rather stick your head in the sand, keep in mind it doesn’t have to be only about the improbable mechanics of it all. Here’s great advice from the Center for Young Women’s Health:
Remember that sexuality is a much larger topic than sexual intercourse. It also includes topics such as gender, intimacy, sexual orientation… Talking to your tween about sexuality is an opportunity to share your beliefs about healthy behaviors and relationships with them.
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Our Goals for 2019
New year, new datebook— and some very familiar goals. But this is the year we make things HAPPEN. We’re going to start by taking Jon Acuff’s advice to make our goals smaller- we mean absurdly achievable- and build from there. Acuff studied goal-setting and found that
People with smaller goals are 63% more successful. Go big might be a good slogan for a gym wall, but if you really want to win, go small.
In this episode we discuss our goals for the coming year, including:
* Margaret’s “most massive purge” of her home
* Amy’s word for 2019: OPEN
* facing our fears
* engaging less with our kids when they’re being arbitrarily cranky and challenging
* becoming more curious about our spouses’ perspectives
* entertaining more
* reading more fiction
What are your goals for the coming year? Tell us!
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
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Live Show Bonus! Chappaqua, NY 12/1/18
This episode contains excerpts from our latest What Fresh Hell Live! show, performed at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center in Chappaqua, NY on December 1, 2018.
Interested in having What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood come to your town? We book live shows into performing arts centers around the country. We also do smaller custom events for Parents’ Associations and other groups.
Drop us a line at info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com to hear more about how you can get our show to your town. Even just telling us there’s interest can get the ball rolling.
You can always check out our website (whatfreshhellpodcast.com) to see where we will be appearing next. We’ll be making some 2019 announcements soon!
Photo: Chad David Kraus Photography
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Holiday Traditions: The Good, The Bad, The Wish-We-Never-Started
’Tis the season for traditions— most of them shopped for, planned, and generally upheld by moms. And for some of us, sending 300 holiday cards or creating a new tableau for a six-inch elf every night before bed really gets us in the holiday spirit.
But most of us, at this time of year, have more to do than hours to do it. Many of us think we’re done shopping and only then remember Aunt Doris who is impossible to buy for (and has expressed specific disappointment in gift cards). Many of us have kids at whom we may have raised our voices after the fifth or sixth question about when we were going to make all the Christmas cookies this year.
So we asked our listeners:
What are the holiday traditions that you love and work great for your family? What are the things you’d rather never do again but feel like you can’t stop now?
In this episode, we discuss your responses, plus:
how to get out from under the traditions you wished you never started
what to consider before letting a new tradition take root (keeping in mind that anything that happens at this time of year will immediately be deemed “something we do every year”)
why the Elf on the Shelf might be a slippery slope to the full-on surveillance state
why the joy of anticipation is at least as good as the moment anticipated
how the Danish concept of hygge factors in to all of this
easy holiday traditions like “Christmas Adam,” which as far as we can tell mostly involves holiday pajamas and Rankin-Bass specials
Lean into the hygge this holiday season. Push back against the incremental spend, the just running out for one more thing.
Lean into the anticipation, because that’s the sweet spot.
Oh, and Christmas lights. Lots of them. (They do wonders for Seasonal Affective Disorder.)
Special thanks to our guest comedy bit reader for this week: Sean Conroy of The Long Shot Podcast!
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How Not To Go Insane in the Winter
As the days get shorter, and colder, and darker, our listener Tamar suggested we do an episode on “how not to go insane when you can’t go outside.” (If anyone has any ideas for her, please reach out.)
Seriously, our energy levels are especially depleted during the winter. It’s science: our bodies get less vitamin D, produce more melatonin (which encourages sleep) and less serotonin (which fights depression). No wonder we all want to put on the fuzzy pants, get under the covers, and call it a day.
But we’re parents. Which means that while our own batteries are totally run down, we also have to deal with cranky kids who’ve watched way too many YouTube videos today and we should have gotten them outside but it’s 4:35 pm and it’s as dark as deep space out there and never has bedtime seemed so far away.
In this episode we discuss:
the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder— and how to tell if our kids have it too
the “exercise effect,” and why we resist exercise just when we need it the most
why fresh air is actually a thing
how to keep our kids busy on long days indoors with “theme days” and other new approaches to familiar things
how to tell if you’re *in* or *out* of Daylight Savings Time (just stop and think: has daylight been saved? If it’s dark at 4:30, then no, it hasn’t… and therefore you are not in Daylight Savings Time.)
And here’s links to some research and other things discussed in this episode:
healthychildren.org: Winter Blues – Seasonal Affective Disorder and Depression
Laura T. Coffey for Today: Batty from being cooped up with kids? Here are 9 great cures for cabin fever
Valerie Williams for Mommyish: 10 Things Only Parents With The Winter Blues Will Understand
Sasa Woodruff for NPR: A New Prescription For Depression: Join A Team And Get Sweaty
Kirsten Weir for the American Psychological Association: The Exercise Effect
Pennsylvania Department of Health: Cold Weather Outdoor Play Boosts Immune System
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Sometimes We Lose It (with guests Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright)
Sometimes we lose it. Really lose it. We’re not talking “How many times do I have to tell you to put your shoes on” in a slightly elevated tone. We’re talking… well, Dr. Stuart Shanker calls the emotional state in question “red brain,” and you get the picture.
When we’re in red brain, yelling can actually feel pretty good. It’s also singularly ineffective. Here’s how Dr. Alan Kazdin of the Yale Parenting Center explains it:
If the goal of the parent is catharsis— I want to get this out of my system and show you how mad I am— well, yelling is probably perfect. If the goal is to change something in the child, or develop a positive habit in the child, yelling is not the way to do that.
But clamping down on our anger isn’t effective, either— in fact, studies prove that attempting to do so actually increases our sympathetic nervous system responses and makes us feel more angry.
So this is all pretty tricky. But in this episode we discuss:
techniques for recognizing red brain before we’re in it
why we sometimes treat strangers better than our loved ones
Margaret’s “self-doghouse” technique
how to properly make it up to our kids after we blow up
And after discussing what NOT to say, Amy discusses what TO say to our kids with with Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright, the authors of Now Say This: The Right Words To Solve Every Parenting Dilemma.
Heather and Julie explain their extremely effective “ALP” technique for communicating with our kids— Attune, Limit-Set, Problem-Solve. They also explain the importance of “the repair set” and modeling emotional health for our kids, particularly after we have not been our best selves.
Here’s links to some of the other research and studies discussed in this episode:
Margaret’s surprisingly useful “family doghouse” plaque
Stephen Marche for NYT: Why You Should Stop Yelling At Your Kids
Kelly for Happy You, Happy Family: Why Every Parent Should Know the Magic 5:1 Ratio – And How to Do It
Dr. Karen Leith et al for Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Why Do Bad Moods Increase Self-Defeating Behavior?
Dr. Ralph Erber et al: On being cool and collected: Mood regulation in anticipation of social interaction.
Sue Shellenbarger for the Wall Street Journal: Talking to Your Kids After You Yell
and our episode on yelling, which is kinda the same but kinda different.
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Saying No When Other Parents are Saying Yes
How should we handle group situations where we have different parenting styles? When our particular rules around bedtimes, screens, curfews, or sugar are up against more lax rules (or none at all)?
This topic was suggested by our listener Jessica:
How do you deal with group situations where you parent differently without it causing friendship or family strain? Especially once your kids are old enough to ask why there are different expectations?
Being in close proximity with people who parent differently can make us question how we do it. When other parents have other, looser rules, those of us who are more strict can feel judged. When other parents have firmer rules and tighter structures, those of us who don’t also feel judged.
Meanwhile, our kids are standing there watching us, wondering if we’ll cave and let them stay up until 12:30 just this once or not.
In this episode we discuss:
matters of preference versus matters of philosophy- and how to tell the difference
the importance of offline discussions
the role that “spaces and places” play (things might be a little looser at Nana’s house)
when to default to the rules of the household you are in
what happens when you have different rules from your co-parent
why saying “because I said so” is a missed parenting opportunity
Here’s links to articles discussed in this episode:
Lisa Belkin for The New York Times: Different Families, Different Rules
Wendy Bradford for On Parenting: When One Child’s Rules Are Different Than The Other’s
Pete Wells for the New York Times: Happy-Meal Me
Here’s our takeaway: It’s okay to reconsider your own rules in these situations… just not in real time, and no matter what you do, not in front of your kid.
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Are We Oversharing On Social Media?
The word “oversharenting” has been coined to describe those among us who chronicle our baby’s every bowel movement, ascribe hashtags to our preschoolers, and relitigate our tween’s hurt feelings, all of it for universal consumption on social media.
For sure, we all know oversharenting when we see it— but most of us are equally certain that it’s really something other parents do. And we’re also fans of all the great, useful, meaningful ways social media keeps us connected.
But are we considering the long-term ramifications for our kids’ privacy every time we press SHARE?
In this episode we discuss:
the “disclosure management work” of making sure loved ones are kept up-to-date on social media- and why it’s usually Mom’s job
why we’re not as good at guarding others’ privacy when we post as we are at guarding our own
why we’re motivated to share (and overshare)
the “clean slate” of our own childhoods versus the extremely well-documented stories we’ve been writing for our kids
the best practices we have in place for our own social media use
whether the privacy concerns are real, or just another place to overthink
Here’s links to research and other writing on the topic we discuss in this episode:
LINKS
Sarah Zhang for The Atlantic: Facebook Groups as Therapy
Frank Landman for readwrite: Are You Oversharing on Social Media?
Lisa Heffernan of Grown and Flown: Oversharing: Why Do We Do It And How Do We Stop?
Tawfiq Ammari et al, University of Michigan: Managing Children’s Online Identities: How Parents Decide what to Disclose about their Children Online
Liza Lazard et al for The Conversation: Sharenting: why mothers post about their children on social media
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Listener Questions: Fussy Babies, Toddlers, and Squabbling Siblings
We love hearing from our listeners! Your voice mails and emails keep us going… plus you tell us what you want to hear us talk about next. It’s a beautiful thing.
In this episode we answer these three listener questions:
how do you prepare your toddler for the birth of a new sibling?
how do you deal with a particularly fussy baby?
how do you deal with siblings who fight seriously all the time?
In response, you just might hear us discuss
why our anxiety about helping our toddler with a new sibling is probably really about our own anxiety
why fussy babies are like the frog from the old Warner Brothers cartoon
why siblings close in age are like a dog and a rooster
why “face-raking” is a thing even though Margaret has never heard of it
how arbitrating a sibling fight is like a lifeguard saving two people from drowning
Do you have a topic you’d like to hear us discuss on the show? Go to whatfreshhellpodcast.com and click on the right sidebar where it says “what topics would you like to hear on the show?”
Or email a “voice memo” from your phone to info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
We’d love to hear from you!
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Dinosaurs and Trains and Superheroes and Nerf Guns: Boy Obsessions
Why are some little boys so obsessed with trains or dinosaurs- or World War II, or even blenders? Psychologists call these preschool preoccupations “extremely intense interests,” and studies have proven they much more common among boys than girls.
In this episode we talk about some of the more common “extremely intense interests” out there, like
* Thomas the Tank Engine.Why do so many boys go wild for the Isle of Sodor? Is it the wheels? Is it the characters with clear and never-changing facial expressions?
* Actually, all toys with wheels. Researchers found the same clear preference for wheeled toys among boy monkeys as they did with children.
* Dinosaurs. Is it the long names? The endless opportunities to “systemize”? Or is it mostly the people-eating potential?
* Superheroes: powers, villains, and perhaps a plausible opening to “super-punch” a sibling.
* Nerf guns and play weapons. Dr. Michael Thompson says “boys’ fantasy lives are no place for lessons on subjectivity and humanizing the other.” Whether or not you agree with that statement, you will probably agree that boys, when deprived of play weapons, can just as merrily duel with sippy cups or pillows or whatever might be handy.
“Extremely intense interests” tend to disappear once the kids who have them get to grade school, and have both new subject matter to master and peers with whom to assimilate.
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How To Be The Teacher’s Favorite Parent
When we were kids, there weren’t any IEPs. There weren’t any teacher conferences (unless someone was in BIG trouble). There wasn’t any school website. For better and for worse, the teacher/parent relationship was not something that our parents considered. It barely even existed.
Today our kids’ homework loads, the ever-beckoning online portal, the costs of a good education— and okay, our perhaps sometimes-over-involvement in our children’s lives— all mean that we are meant to have a much more direct relationship with our children’s teachers, and they with us, than our parents could have ever imagined.
We think this is a good thing. We also think it’s complicated. We also think it’s a great episode idea, suggested by one of our listeners who is a teacher. So on our Facebook page we asked teachers:
“What do your favorite parents do (and not do) to support your work?”
In this episode we discuss the advice those teachers gave us, including
what teachers want us to understand as parents
the beat-the-clock madness of back-to-school nights
how to get the most out of a parent-teacher conference
the things you need to make sure your child’s teacher understands (and they’re not all learning-related. Then again, maybe they are)
how to email teachers without annoying them
how to keep conversations productive even in difficult situations
Thanks to all the teachers who contributed their advice to this episode. Here’s two of our favorite answers. We’ll be keeping these in mind:
ELLEN: My favorite parents are the ones that follow through at home. They never blame the teacher. They choose to work with the teacher. You can openly and honestly address academic and behavior concerns with these parents because you know they have your back and you are in it together for the year. Finally, a simple note of thank you or support goes a LONG way. It doesn’t have to come with a gift. It simply needs to come from the heart.
LAUREN: I have been a K-2 teacher the past 10 years and the biggest thing that parents can do is listen to teachers and understand that most teachers have your child’s best interest at heart, are passionate about what they do, and are on your team. Those are the parents that I have always appreciated the most.
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Self-Regulation for Kids: Helping Them (And You) Deal With Tantrums
When one of our kids is having a meltdown in Aisle Six of the supermarket, we will often remind ourselves: He’s not giving us a hard time. He’s having a hard time.
And sometimes those words will seem zero percent helpful.
But they’re true. As Dr. Ross Greene puts it, “Kids do well if they can.” Therefore, when they’re falling apart there’s a reason, as Dr. Vasco Lopes of the Child Mind Institute explains: “A majority of kids who have frequent meltdowns do it in very predictable situations.”
Parenting expert Dr. Stuart Shanker suggests we reframe our responses by getting curious about where the outburst is coming from, finding patterns that might provide clues– and then teach our children the skills to regulate their emotions themselves. We loved this infographic by Kristin Weins, reminding us that tantrums are kind of like icebergs: there’s much more beneath the surface than what we can see.
In this episode we discuss:
how to help children of all ages regulate their emotions so tantrums occur less frequently
why toddlers’ tantrums are a biological imperative (sorry)
the things to do during a tantrum vs. the things to definitely do later
* how to keep ourselves out of “red brain” even when our kids are there
what not to say once they finally calm down
why teenagers’ tantrums feel like they come out of nowhere
And here’s links to some of the research and resources discussed in this episode:
Dr. Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg Knowledge Series
Kathleen Megan for The Hartford Courant: The Biology Behind Teens’ Temper Tantrums
understood.org: Why Does My Child Still Have Temper Tantrums?
childmind.org: How Can We Help Kids With Self-Regulation?
Dr. Harvey Karp’s “fast food rule” for talking to a toddler
the “chicken cheese bread” recipe Margaret mentioned:
If all else fails, and you need new inspiration to keep calm, try this advice from Dr. David Walsh:
If you feel your blood pressure rising, take a deep breath and remember this advice: ‘When you feel like taking the wind out of his sails, it is a better idea to take your sails out of his wind.’
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How To Get It All Done: Time Management For Moms (with guest Jessica N. Turner)
A couple weeks ago we asked all of you to tell us what’s keeping you from being your happiest mom selves. There was a clear number one answer. Here’s how listener Colleen put it:
I think I struggle most with time management. There are only so many hours in the day and I want to do it all. I am a part-time health coach working for myself, but honestly not working a lot right now because I feel pulled in a hundred different directions as a parent. I really just wish for more hours in the day.
Even with the best of intentions, we all sometimes end up freaking out about how much we have to do— and therefore doing nothing at all, frozen in place like the dog in David Lynch’s comic strip The Angriest Dog in the World (which also handily serves as Margaret’s #oldilocksalert for this week).
In this episode we talk about the ways we manage our time to work smarter, like
Workflowy (use our link to get the first 250 items free)
Self Control app or the Chrome extension Block Site
Laura Vanderkam’s books and 168 Hours Time Management worksheet
Amy also talks time management strategies with guest Jessica N. Turner, author of the new book Stretched Too Thin: How Working Moms Can Lose the Guilt, Work Smarter, and Thrive. We talk about “need to do” vs. “nice to do,” the non-negotiability of self-care, and what it means to thrive in all areas of our lives as working mothers.
The best time management secret? Be more gentle with ourselves, not more demanding. The systems are in place to help us do what matters. Not to help us do more.
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Why 5 to 8 p.m. Is The Worst: How To Handle the After-School Crankies
Ask any parent: 5 to 8 p.m. is the hardest time of day. When kids are little, the toddler’s melting down because she skipped his nap at the same time her baby brother begins observation of his daily “witching hour.”
When kids are big, you need to get them three places at the same time while also being home to make dinner— and then make sure everyone gets to bed on time (kidding, that is seriously never going to happen).
If it makes you feel any better, there’s a reason kids save up their worst behavior for their home environment. Parenting expert and educator Andrea Loewen Nair calls what happens between pickup and bedtime “after school restraint collapse.” As Ms. Nair explains:
It takes a great deal of energy, mental motivation, emotional containment, and physical restraint to keep ourselves at our best for other people while at work, daycare, or school.
There’s the rub: Mom and Dad are also exhausted from a full day of behaving like a normal human being for the rest of the world. No wonder this time of day is so bad. But fear not— this episode is full of ideas and strategies for making this time of day a little easier, like:
always having a steak to throw to the angry bear
what to say to cranky after-schoolers besides “how was your day?”
providing age-appropriate decompression strategies
moving the acceptable time for pajamas to be worn earlier and earlier as the days get shorter
Here’s links to the research and other great ideas discussed in this episode:
LINKS
Colleen Seto for Today’s Parent: After-School Restraint Collapse is a Real Thing. Here’s How To Deal With It
Andrea Loewen Nair: 7 WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD HANDLE THEIR “AFTER SCHOOL RESTRAINT COLLAPSE”
Alice Bradley for Lifehacker: Stop Asking Your Kid About Their Day
Heather Marcoux for Motherly: After-school restraint collapse is real—here’s how to help your child
Justine Lorelle LaMonaco for Motherly: If your kids act worse around you, there might be a (very good) reason why
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The Right Number of Kids Is…
What’s the right number of kids? For most of us (at least most of the time) it’s the number we actually have. Here’s how our listener Mahima put it:
“as many babes as you are blessed with is the perfect number.”
Still, it’s a question we ask ourselves at many times throughout our lives, before and after we become parents, and there are many factors which play into the decision— like money. Here’s a sobering statistic: a 2015 report by economists at the US Department of Agriculture estimated that middle-income married-couple family will spend $233,610 from birth through age 17 on child-rearing expenses.
Per child.
Not including college.
(Editor’s note: Amy was also going to put up a link to their “Cost of Raising a Child Calculator” but Margaret has forbidden it on the grounds of it being too depressing.)
But finances aren’t the only consideration, and families of each size have distinct benefits (and okay, a couple of drawbacks). In this episode we discuss:
all the things we (and our listeners) considered when making this decision for their families
why only children may maximize their mothers’ well-being
why two children may be the magic number for familial happiness
why, in our own experiences, three children is awesome
why parents with four or more children might not actually be crazy
Obviously there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. When you know, you know, but it’s okay to be undecided, like our listener Chana:
“I just had my 10th. I haven’t found the perfect number yet. I guess I’ll keep going till I do.”
Go Chana!
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Hand-Me-Downs, Keepsakes, and Too Much Stuff
If you’ve got kids, you’ve got too much stuff. Here’s how our listener Holly put it:
“With kids, there is truly no end to the influx of toys, keepsakes and clothes coming in, plus things they’ve outgrown that need to go out.
My three kids range in age from one to nine years old, and I struggle with what items to save for the baby to grow into. Do I really want to hold onto pajamas for him to grow into six years? The sentimentality of it all weighs on me, too.
The constant mental space this process consumes is definitely my biggest consistent downer as a mom.”
Fear not: we are here to help! In this episode we discuss
why it can be actually, physically painful to throw things away
why decorative baskets are actually the worst
why the giveaway and hand-me-down bins should be right in your kids’ closets
the unpronounceable but useful “RFASR” declutter formula
why sentimentality is in the eye of the beholder
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Raising Grateful Kids
Most of us would like our kids to express— and feel— more gratitude. But yelling “There are children in India who don’t even have XBoxes!” doesn’t seem to be sufficiently getting the message across. Kids are kids; they lack perspective by definition. Practicing gratitude means having the ability to imagine a reality other than one’s own, and that might take a while. Researchers Blaire Morgan and Liz Gulliford explain it this way in their book Developing Gratitude in Children and Adolescents:
It is largely agreed that gratitude is not inbuilt; instead it develops over time, as certain capacities become available and cognitive abilities mature… it requires a great deal of practice.
Still, gratitude really matters, and our kids having that skill isn’t just about bonus parenting points for us. Our children will have better lives if they’re more grateful. Seriously, studies. Parenting expert Jennifer Wallace says gratitude creates “an upward spiral of positive emotions,” and who doesn’t want those?
So: until that attitude of gratitude comes naturally, how do we get our kids to say “thank you” like they mean it? Maybe even remember to do so unprompted once in a while? In this episode, we discuss specific ways to build a practice of gratitude with (and for) your kids, at all ages and stages.
Here’s links to the studies and other writing on gratitude discussed in this episode:
Jennifer Breheny Wallace for the Wall Street Journal: How To Raise More Grateful Children
Homa Navangar for PBS Parents: Ten Ways To Raise a Grateful Kid
Maryam Abdullah for Greater Good Magazine: How To Help Gratitude Grow in Your Kids
Mayim Bialik for today.com: Why I Don’t Force My Kids To Say ‘Please’
The Effects of Botox Injections on Emotional Experience
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When Mom Struggles (with guest Janelle Hanchett)
Moms aren’t supposed to struggle; we’re supposed to be benevolent goddesses of wisdom and Hamburger Helper. Our families (kids and yes, our partners too) have an invested need in our seeming safe and together at all times- and so we feel obligated to provide that.
But are we then further contributing to the myth of Mom as infallible, perfect, able to handle it all?
When things get tough, and the facade gets too hard to keep up, should we let our kids in? Or is that burdening them? And what happens when there’s things we really can’t share?
We discuss struggles and the way back with guest Janelle Hanchett, author of the new book I’m Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering. Janelle’s book explores motherhood from what she calls “a place of deep imperfection,” telling the story of her descent into alcoholism after having children, her separation from them, and their eventual reuniting. Janelle knows from struggle, and here’s one way she suggests we might address tough moments with our kids:
“This is why I’m struggling. And here’s what I’m doing to take care of myself. And you don’t have to worry, because this is what we’re going to do to get through it. And I’m not perfect. And I apologize to you for screwing up. And I’m going to try to do better in the future.”
I’m Just Happy to Be Here asks: does motherhood really turn us into better versions of ourselves? And what happens if that doesn’t happen? Even if addiction and recovery aren’t part of your motherhood story, we think you’ll really love Janelle’s book.
Here’s links to some of the other resources we discuss in this episode:
* Brene Brown’s TED Talk on the power of vulnerability
* Paige Nolan and her work honoring the truth of women’s lives
* Serena Williams’ Instagram feed, where she talks openly about her struggles with postpartum depression
Here’s our takeaway: we mothers don’t always have to compound our struggles by keeping them secret at all costs. It’s okay for us not to be okay sometimes.
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Why Are Our Kids Such Total Opposites?
It’s not your imagination: kids raised in the same family really do push in opposite directions– and we mean POLAR opposites, especially for closely-spaced or same-sex siblings. But why the de-identification? And how is it even possible for kids reared in the same environment to be so completely different?
In this episode we discuss:
the three theories social scientists have about this phenomenon
why siblings may “evolve” like Darwin’s finches
how “the shy one” in a given family may not be that shy at all- except compared to that outgoing sibling
what parents need to watch out for in terms of leaning in to these (sometimes oversimplified) categories
Here’s links to the fascinating research, and stuff that it reminded us of, discussed in this episode:
Alix Spiegel for NPR: Siblings Share Genes, But Rarely Personalities
NYT: Each Sibling Experiences a Different Family
Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr Denise Daniels: Why are Children in the Same Family So Different From One Another?
Dr. Frank Sullaway: Why Siblings Are Like Darwin’s Finches: Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Adaptive Divergence within the Family
Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr. Judy Dunn: Why Are Siblings So Different? The Significance of Differences in Sibling Experiences Within the Family
Science Daily: Parents’ Comparisons Make Siblings Different
Dr. Alexander Jensen and Dr. Susan McHale: What makes siblings different? The development of sibling differences in academic achievement and interests.
Amy’s yin-and-yang sons, born on the Chinese days of Greatest Heat (Dashu) and Deepest Snow (Daxue)
the hilarious book Hyperbole and a Half, with its “Hot Sauce” reminder of what happens when we lean too hard into what we maybe only *think* are our children’s defining characteristics
and our own episode discussing birth order and how it shapes our kids’ personalities.
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How To Be a Happier Parent (with KJ Dell’Antonia)
Is a mother only as happy as her unhappiest child? In our experience, yeah, pretty much. And studies (referenced below) back that up– although they also suggest many parents also derive their greatest happiness from their child-raising.
So how do we separate out our own sense of well-being from our children’s struggles? And in a more everyday sense, how do we find happiness in the daily slog?
We talk it out with guest KJ Dell’Antonia, former lead editor of The New York Times’ Motherlode blog and author of the brand-new book How to be a Happier Parent: Raising a Family, Having a Life, and Loving (Almost) Every Minute. KJ says the key is finding simple, concrete solutions for what isn’t working– and letting go of some of the rest.
As KJ puts it:
When we’re not putting all our energy into getting our kids to eat and study and do everything exactly the way we want them to, we can put it into a much more positive place.
Nobody’s saying that you have to live in denial of your kids’ reality. But we think disengaging from our children’s struggles just enough so that our happiness isn’t directly pegged to theirs is the key to happier, more effective parenting.
Here’s links to other research and resources discussed in this episode:
Jordan Schrader for Alcalde: Parents’ Happiness Linked to Their Least Happy Child’s
Claire E. Ashton-James, Kostadin Kushlev, Elizabeth W. Dunn: Parents Reap What They Sow: Child-Centrism and Parental Well-Being
Julie Beck for The Atlantic: Study: Parents Only as Happy as Their Unhappiest Child
“Welcome to Holland,” by Emily Perl Kingsley
and Shakespearean voice teacher Patsy Rodenburg’s book The Second Circle, which Amy says has influenced her more than any book she’s ever read. Read its excerpts on parenting here.
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When Kids Talk Back
How are we supposed to respond when our kids talk back? Some experts say it’s normal child behavior, and as such, we should take a deep breath and ignore it. We say no way. But yelling “How dare you talk to me like that in my house?” isn’t getting us anywhere, either. So what’s the best response?
In this episode we discuss
how our kids’ talking back can really be about underlying anxiety
how talking back is also about who’s in control
how our response is the key to setting ongoing expectations
why it’s harder for us to handle talking back when it happens in public
why Margaret thinks it’s okay if our kids think we’re a little bit like Darth Vader
why Amy says a little Yoda thrown in there might not be the worst idea
We like Dr. Laura Markham’s suggestion for a better thing to say when kids talk back:
You can tell me what you’re upset about without attacking me. What’s going on?
Even for grownups, there’s a difference between standing up for yourself and being rude. We want our kids to have the ability to do the former without the latter. Which means we have to show them how to do it.
Here’s links to other articles and research discussed in this episode:
Dr. Laura Markham for Psychology Today: What To Do When Your Kid Talks Back
Tamekia Reece for Parents: What To Do When Kids Talk Back
Dr. Michele Borba for Parents: Helping Kids Handle Anger
The Military Wife and Mom: How to Handle Back Talk and Disrespect Like a Parenting Warrior
Joseph P. Allen et al, University of Virginia: Predictors of Susceptibility to Peer Influence Regarding Substance Use in Adolescence
…and Margaret recommended the book What Children Learn From Their Parents’ Marriages
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Friends Without Kids
Once we become parents, there is a great divide— of perspectives, bedtimes, and tolerance of twee photo shoots— between us and our friends without kids. Even the closest of those relationships can suffer as a result. Whose fault that is probably depends on who you’re asking.
In this episode we talk about
how to stay connected with our friends without kids
how to reconnect if we’ve drifted apart
the ways in which our friends with kids do not get it
the ways in which friends without kids do not enjoy being told they don’t get it
Then Margaret talks it out with one of her friends without kids, Candace Feit– documentary photographer, multiple-dog-owner, world traveler, leisurely bruncher. Candy explains once and for all when our friends without kids want to be invited to our kids’ birthday parties and piano recitals, and when they most certainly do not.
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The Random Things We Can’t Live Without
We asked all of you to tell us the one random thing you can’t live without—whether for your parenting sanity, or just for yourself. In this episode, we discuss the unexpected must-haves that us all going, from grapefruit LaCroix to Target bathing suits.
Here are just a few of the things you might not have thought were that important but which matter entirely:
those packets of desiccant that come in shoe boxes- which Amy used to resuscitate a smartphone that had fallen in the bathtub
Dunkin’ Donuts unsweetened iced tea (no lemon)
white noise machines (for both babies, and the grownups who have gotten too used to listening for them all night)
baby carriers (your favorite brands: babytula.com, Ergobaby, and Lillebaby)
This episode is full of gee-I-should-try-thats. Thanks to everyone who submitted ideas— even the person who said floss picks. You are heard.
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Are We Too Hard On Our Boys?
At school our sons keep it together. At home, flushing the toilet is well beyond their capability. This leads to a litany of “hurry up, put that down, stop doing that, start doing this” from their mothers. But are we too hard on our boys? We had an “aha moment” after reading this question posed by parenting expert Wendy Mogel:
What percentage of your communication with your son consists of nagging, reminding, chastising or yelling?
We’re going to respectfully decline to answer that question, as is our Fifth Amendment right. But we love Mogel’s solution: Talk to them like dogs. Really. Read the whole article; it’s a real perspective-changer. Mogel suggests that as our children’s lives become more intense and more structured, with ever-increasing homework when they finally get home, our boys are losing their chances to run and bark and chew on shoes (metaphorically). And that that’s leading to all sorts of issues.
In this episode we discuss:
how studies have proven that we treat infant daughters and sons differently- even before they can speak
how to fight against the parenting norms of what David Lancy calls “WEIRD societies” (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic)
why the key to our sons’ happiness can often be found in the garage
how to be interested (really interested) in what our sons are interested in. Even if it’s Fortnite.
Here’s links to studies and research and other things we discuss:
David Lancy in Human Relations Area Files: A Cross-Cultural Perspective on Childhood
Andrew Reiner for the NYT: Talking To Boys the Way We Talk To Girls
Dr. Edward Tronick, et al, for Harvard Medical School and Developmental Psychology: Gender differences in emotional expressivity and self-regulation during early infancy
St. Augustine Prep School website: Anxiety in Young Boys is Not Normal
2017 Emory study: Child gender influences paternal behavior and language
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Helping Kids Through Transitions
From giving up the pacifier to memorizing a locker combination, growing up is a series of reluctantly-greeted transitions. The ages and challenges change, but the anxiety produced remains familiar. For us too.
We’re here to tell you that whatever transition you’re shepherding your kid through, this is not forever. This is just right now. Our sons and daughters will not be sucking their thumbs at prom, so long as we parents get just the right amount of not totally over-involved.
In this episode, we discuss
how to practice transitions early and often
why transitions are harder for introverts
the power of magical thinking
the totally wrong time to introduce the big kid bed
how forced transitions can lead to “tensional outlets”
the importance of peer relationships as kids transition to middle school
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How Not To Live Through Our Kids
First we’re setting aside our own hopes and dreams to have (and raise) our kids. Then we’re relentlessly mocked (perhaps correctly) for being over-invested in the fourth-grade luau. Are we living through our kids? And how do we stop?
Psychologists have long said that mothers transfer our own unfulfilled ambition onto our children. “Symbolic self-completion theory” suggests that we look to our children as symbols of ourselves, and transfer our ambitions to them— which is why we’re not jealous when they get the big part in the school play; we’re a little too thrilled. Sing out Louise!
But as psychologist Wendy Mogel reminds us, our children are not our masterpieces , and pushing them towards our own notions of greatness prevents them from becoming the humans they are meant to be. In this episode we discuss the pitfalls of “achievement by proxy distortion” and how to take a step back if you find yourself a little too enmeshed.
Our favorite book on this topic is Leo the Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus, the story of a tiger cub who just isn’t getting it and his dad who is trying to not freak out. Recommended for kids, really recommended for parents.
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The Mothers We Swore We’d Never Be
Before we became mothers, most of us had fairly clear notions of the kinds of parents we wanted to be— and extremely clear notions of the mothers we would not, under any circumstances, ever be.
Our children would eat whatever was on their plates.
Our children would be screen-free until kindergarten.
Our children would never hear anything but their mothers’ most dulcet of tones.
And then we became mothers.
We asked you to tell us the mothers you swore you’d never be— and yet somehow are. (Once in a while.) In this episode we share our own confessions and commiserate with you all.
No food in the living room?
No crying it out?
No plastic toys?
How’d that work out?
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Should Dads Get Graded on a Curve?
A dad in Bermuda recently joined his young daughter on stage at her ballet recital when she was too frightened to perform. He was carrying another one of their children at the time. Video of that moment went viral, the dad got his own hashtag, and the world stopped to honor his awesomeness.
Here’s our question: would a mother doing the same thing have gotten any attention at all?
There’s no question that dads get graded on a curve in our society. Times are changing— fathers are now the primary caregiver for about one out of every four preschool-age children, according to the U.S. Census Bureau— but stereotypes die hard. And while we as mothers may grade our husbands’ household contributions against our own, the larger world grades them against the Don Draper-style fathers of yore— which means that any guy wearing a Baby Bjorn gets a ticker tape parade.
In this episode we give that notion several eye rolls. Kevin Madsen of the Hey Dad podcast is our guest, and he says dads don’t necessarily love the curved grading either. While the extra credit is kind of nice sometimes, Kevin says he’s tired of being sold short by people assuming he can’t possibly know how to take care of his own children as well as his wife can.
So let’s stop grading the dads in our lives on a curve. Hell, let’s stop grading them at all. And here’s a tip for dads: stop telling your wives you do more than your own dads did. We know. And it’s a start.
Here’s links to some research discussed in this episode:
Paul Scott for Parents: The Responsibilities and Expectations of the New American Dad
Eugene Volokh for the Washington Post: In Praise of Grading on a Curve
and this viral post by Facebook employee Tom Stocky , on the “ridiculous praise” he got for changing a diaper or buying groceries with his daughter while on parental leave.
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Vacationing With Kids- What Works
The biggest drawback to vacationing with kids may be this: wherever you go, your kids will still actually be with you.
But seriously… successful traveling as a family means keeping everyone happy. That doesn’t mean your choice of vacation destination needs to revolve around your kids, but it does mean your expectations for sightseeing or miles logged per day might need to be somewhat flexible. After all, you have even less of an escape from your kids complaining while on vacation than you do when you’re at home.
And despite all the hassles, we both love traveling with our kids. Even when it’s not easy, it’s always worth the journey. So this episode is full of ideas for creating family vacations with appeal for all age groups, whether you’re going across the state or around the world.
We discuss:
the wonders of RV travel
why the anticipation of a trip can be as much fun as the trip itself
the indispensability of Ziploc bags
how older kids will accept sightseeing when it is offered with a tiny side order of danger
our listeners’ very best travel-with-kids tips
Here’s some writing we love about traveling with kids:
Meg Lukans Noonan for Travel and Leisure: The Age-Appropriate Vacation
Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore for The Huffington Post: Seven Reasons Why Travel is Never Wasted on Young Kids
Sarah Clemence for Travel and Leisure: 10 Essential Hacks for Traveling with Small Kids
…and our own Episode 20, on what to pack when traveling with kids
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Stuff Our Spouses Do Way Better Than We Do
We thought it was high time we saluted our own spouses for all the things they do way better than we do. Whether it’s a broken dishwasher, a broken bone, or repeated viewings of some of the worst movies ever made, our spouses do it all. Below, please enjoy some photographic evidence of our spouses showing up and just basically “being game,” which Margaret points out is a thing much to be desired in a life partner.
What are the things your spouse does way, way better than you?
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Princesses (If You Must)
You may think (as both of us once did) that little girls who are all-princess, all the time, are just not that cool. You may have also believed that any daughter of your own would be a far more independent-thinking, overalls-wearing sort of spunkster.
But once that daughter is born, and turns two, and a well-meaning party-goer shows up with something from, say, the Disney Princess Little Kingdom Royal Sparkle Collection? All bets are off.
We’re here to tell you that the princess phase, as brief as it is intense, is pretty much unavoidable–or at least it feels that way. And shaming your daughter for falling for all of it may be less than productive. As Peggy Orenstein points out in her book Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture, the princess imperative lines up perfectly with a 4-7 year old child’s “inflexible stage,” where one’s identity as a girl (or a boy) is felt to be actually predicated upon appearing like one.
But then it becomes a bait-and-switch that Amy wrote about it for Listen To Your Mother NYC: first, our daughters are told that they MUST like princesses– then, just as suddenly, they are told that they must stop. That doesn’t seem so great, either.
In this episode we discuss:
* whether princesses are okay only if we counterbalance the messaging
* whether girls who play with princess toys have lower self-esteem
* what boys might be learning from princess movies
* why a tiara-wearing preschooler is not really a reflection on our parenting- or what she’ll be wearing in another five years
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Kid Friend Breakups
By the time our kids finish middle school, many will have suffered the sting of being left behind by a formerly “best” friend. Many more will have struggled with how to create some space between themselves and the playmates they have simply outgrown. Lots of kids end up on both sides of that equation (or at least ours have). Neither side is easy– but we’re here to figure out how to make it less painful for all concerned, whichever side our kid is on.
In this episode we discuss:
how not to over-identify with the rejection our kids might feel (as Eileen Kennedy-Moore puts it, “don’t go lioness”)
the difference between someone bullying your kid and someone just really, really disappointing her
how to support older kids through the heartbreak
how best to help our kids when they’re the ones who might need to say “I need more space”
Here’s links to some great writing on the topic:
Eileen Kennedy-Moore for US News and World Report: 3 Ways to Help a Child Cope With Being Dumped by a Friend
Dr. Carl Pickhardt for Psychology Today: Adolescence and the Loss of a Best Friend
KJ Dell’Antonia for NYT Motherlode: When Another Child Wants To Be Friends And Yours Does Not
Whatever you do, maintain perspective! Don’t dismiss or ignore your child’s feelings, but don’t go lioness either.
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Small Changes, Big Difference- Part Two
So many good ideas, we made a Part Two! Here’s dozens of small changes parents have made that turned out to make a big difference in their lives— thanks to our listeners and our Facebook fans, plus some of the top content creators for parents from the 2018 Mom 2.0 Summit, including:
Amy Carney’s Parent on Purpose
Midlife Mixtape podcast
A special shoutout to Janelle Hanchett of Renegade Mothering- her new book I’m Just Happy To Be Here is a wonderful memoir of her tumultuous journey from young motherhood through addiction and recovery. We loved this book!
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Summer Plans
Anyone else feeling the stress of the summer countdown? It takes a lot of juggling to schedule ten weeks of summer freedom for our kids, and it’s not cheap, either.
As a nation we spend about $18 billion on camps and other summer enrichments for our kids every year. That’s nuts. But left to their own devices, our kids will be on their devices. So what’s a parent to do?
In this episode we discuss
ways to keep your kids occupied this summer without spending a lot of money
how to find the right balance of structure and laziness
how to create screen-free environments in a world where there aren’t many
Here’s where we come out: Plan something. Not too much. Mostly fun.
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Tweens
We always figured “tween” was a catch-all marketing term for stuff with glitter on it. But since today’s kids are going through puberty earlier than ever, the years between 9 and 12 can be plenty rocky. And then sometimes stuffed animals still. It’s a mix.
Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age, says it’s important that we parents not take our tweens’ sudden withdrawal as rejection:
All too often parents personalize some of the distance that occurs and misinterpret it as a willful refusal or maybe oppositional behavior.
In other words: sometimes tweens ask for love in the tweeniest of ways.
In this episode, we discuss:
how the way 9-11 year olds think actually changes from when they were younger
the importance of establishing a new-ish relationship with what Juliann Garey calls an “updated version of your kid”
how to read between the “get away from me Mom” lines
and why Margaret says parenting is like building a boat.
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Small Changes, Big Difference
We asked all of you on the show and on Facebook to tell us the small changes you’ve made in your lives (as parents and as, you know, just actual people) that have turned out to make a big difference. This episode is full of game-changing ideas for your home, your school mornings, and your sanity.
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Let’s Not Care About What We Weigh
We won’t lie to you- we probably spend more time than we should thinking about what we weigh. Which is, admittedly, variable. But while we think about what we weigh plenty when we’re unhappy with what the scale says, we spend even more of our bandwidth on it in order to get to the number we have decided is arbitrarily acceptable (and then fight a losing battle to stay there).
Something’s not right about that. But we suspect we aren’t alone— especially among mothers, who have seen our bodies change forever with pregnancy and childbirth, and then never quite change back.
What if we didn’t care? Okay: what if we cared just a little bit less? In this episode we talk about feeling good, and looking good, and how to maybe put a little bit of daylight between the two.
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Bickering
Per the Cambridge Dictionary, to bicker is “to argue about things that are not important.” Bickering is therefore unproductive by design- and as any parent can tell you the more trivial the thing their kids are arguing about, the more frustrating it is for a parent to listen to.
So why do our kids bicker so incessantly? Are they actually intending to drive us batty, or is there more at work? And if parents are supposed to “just ignore it” until three seconds before the face-scratching starts, how can we sense the perfect moment to intervene?
Professor Laurie Kramer, director of the Family Resiliency Center at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, says siblings bicker because they can:
“These are very safe relationships for children, so they feel they can argue and express their feelings without significant repercussions.”
Margaret says it’s important to remember: we are the mediator, not the judge.
Margaret’s father, who *is* a judge, would recite “Children Should Not Disagree,” a poem written by one Isaac Watts in 1715 , whenever his own children bickered. It reportedly served as a somewhat effective deterrent, so you might want to give it a shot.
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Did We Really Do That?
We’ve all done things as parents that, looking back, we can’t believe. Sometimes they are supermom-type accomplishments that defy easy explanation: did I really have three kids in diapers at the same time? Did I really get through airport security with those same three children, and unassisted?
Then there are the decisions that in retrospect seem foolish at best: did I really wake a sleeping infant every three hours? Did I also make a tiny sign to hang from the car seat, reminding strangers to wash their hands, as if it were a cartoon speech bubble coming directly from my baby’s mouth?
We asked our listeners for their “did I really do that?” moments and got plenty of each version. In this episode we put them all on the table– and also interview two women who may or may not have done a few silly things themselves: Amy’s mom and Margaret’s Aunt Terry.
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Managing Our Schedules
It’s the battle of the calendars! Margaret swears by her hardcover Book of Meg, but tends to forget a birthday party once in a while. Amy swears by her online systems, until her phone takes the initiative of entering an event in Greenwich Mean Time. Neither system is perfect, but which is better? In this episode, we talk strategies for managing our families’ busy lives- and for handing at least some of that responsibility back to our kids.
For a personalized, hardcover Book of Meg with the exact kind of pages she wants inside, Margaret uses Erin Condren Life Planners.
For keeping the two hundred things she needs to remember later in a findable place, Amy uses two apps on her desktop and phone: Evernote and Workflowy. Kimberlee over at The Peaceful Mom has a great how-to post for Evernote newbies here, and Workflowy has an introductory video here.
Other takes on this topic we mention in this episode:
Michael Grothaus for Fast Company: What Happened When I Ditched My Smartphone for a Paper Planner
Ferris Jabr for Scientific American: The Reading Brain in the Digital Age: The Science of Paper versus Screens
for handing some organizational responsibilities back to older kids: Smart But Scattered: Teens, by Richard Guare and Peg Dawson
Today’s episode is brought to you by Evernote, the app Amy swears by for keeping soccer schedules, flight confirmations, blood types, and what-was-that-place-again at her fingertips and searchable wherever she goes. Evernote Premium lets you search PDF text, so even if you are more of a dumper than a file-er, you’ll always be able to find what you need within seconds. Get a free month of Evernote Premium with our affiliate code: bit.ly/evernotefresh.
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Getting Your Kids To Talk To You
Getting our kids to talk to us is never easy (unless we’re standing with car keys in hand, front door ajar, 15 minutes late for an appointment). Based upon empirical evidence, “How was school today?” is the most annoying question a mom could ever ask. So why bother trying?
Because Jennifer Kolari, author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid, says getting our kids to open up is part of our job description:
It’s our job as parents to help our kids sort through and process the things that happen to them during the day. “They don’t have the higher-order thinking to do it on their own yet.
In this episode we lay out what gets our kids to talk– at every age and stage.
Margaret says you have to “talk the talk that arrives.”
But Amy comes at it armed with research; if her ninth-grader wants to talk NBA draft, she’s ready to lean in.
Both of us plan to work on what Marie Roker Jones calls “listening with the intent to understand.”
Here’s links to some research and hilarious takes on this topic that we mention in this episode:
Alice Bradley for Lifehacker Offspring: Stop Asking Your Kid About Their Day
Marie Roker-Jones for Good Men Project: 10 Ways to Get Your Son to Open Up and Talk to You
Clare Gagne for Today’s Parent: Age-By-Age Guide To Getting Your Kid To Talk
from American Girl: Conversation Starters To Get Your Girl To Talk About Her Day (to our surprise, “What emoji best describes the day you had?” was a great question!)
Liz Evans for Huffington Post: 25 Ways to Ask Your Kids ‘So How Was School Today?’ Without Asking Them ‘So How Was School Today?’
…and some perfect viewing for you and your teenager: Maddie Corman’s wonderful short film How Was Your Day?
How do you get your kids to open up? Tell us in the comments!
Here’s one way we get our kids chatting with us– cooking together. We’ve both been pleasantly surprised at how HelloFresh has turned dinnertime prep into something our kids love to participate in. We follow the easy (super-easy) directions, chop along together, and then we all sit down together as a family to try something new (and maybe even talk about it).
Get $30 off your first HelloFresh delivery by going to hellofresh.com and entering the code mother30.
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The Best Mom Advice We Ever Got
What’s the best mom advice you ever received? We asked our listeners and got a wide range of responses. Some aimed for the eternal perspective:
The days are long, but the years are short.
Some were more practically applicable:
Don’t ever bring a vomiting child into your bed.
(Truer words were never spoken, Stacy.)
In this episode break down the best advice we ever received for parenting babies, toddlers, kids and teens. Here’s one essay we reference in the episode:
Jenny Anderson for NYT’s Motherlode: Seeing Tantrums as Distress, Not Defiance
Thanks to everyone who contributed their mom words to live by!
Announcing our next live show! What Fresh Hell is coming to The Theater at North in Scranton, PA (Amy’s hometown) on Thursday, April 19th. The performance is a benefit in memory of Lindsay Doherty and will benefit the St. Joseph’s Center Baby and Children Pantry (one of Lindsay’s favorite causes). Join us for a night of many laughs and a celebration of Lindsay’s life! Tickets are available here.
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Musical Instruments- If You Must
Musical instruments: must our children either be tied to a piano bench or forgo their dreams of the Ivy League? Must we battle with our children daily to make them practice, and then have to listen to fifteen minutes of what sounds like a dying moose?
Experts say childhood exposure to musical instruments relieves stress (theirs), tones the brain for auditory fitness, even lowers kids’ risk of dementia seventy years hence.
While that’s certainly playing the long game, all of our kids play instruments, and we’re here to tell you why yours should at least give it a shot. At least the recorder. Sorry about that.
Here’s links to research and further reading we discuss in this episode:
a picture of a bass clarinet, which Margaret promised as a visual appendix to her story of Clarice, the clarinetrix
sports coach Bruce Brown’s terrific advice on the only thing you need to say after watching your kids perform: “I Love To Watch You Play”
the Tiger Mom article that started the backlash against making kids spend three hours a day practicing (not that we were ever going to do that anyhow)
Ten Reasons Why Everyone Should Learn to Play Musical Instruments
Angela Kwan for Parents: 6 Benefits of Music Lessons
Did you play an instrument as a kid? Are you glad you did? Tell us in the comments!
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Reluctant Readers
Are audio books cheating? Must every book our second-graders read feature Poopy Man and The Toilet King? Are reluctant readers doomed to fall behind their peers? Will Margaret or Amy ever read anything other than their Facebook feeds ever again?
This episode is full of ideas to get everyone in your family reading– plus books your kids will drop everything to read.
We love this “book traps” idea from our listener Nicole:
Find books in the library that seem like they might be irresistible to your child and place them strategically around the house so that your child stumbles upon them and feel like reading them was their own idea.
What about audiobooks? Is it counterproductive to let kids who struggle with decoding listen to their books instead? Jamie Martin, assistive technology consultant for understood.org, says no:
Listening to audiobooks isn’t “cheating.” The main purpose of reading is to get information. It doesn’t matter what path that information takes to reach the brain.
Here’s some resources for parents that we recommend in this episode:
Common Sense Media’s lists of books for reluctant readers
Amy Mascott for PBS Parents: What To Do When Your Child Hates Reading
Susan Dominus, NYT, Motherhood Screened Off
Linda Flanagan for KQED: How Audiobooks Can Help Kids Who Struggle With Reading
Mary Ann Scheuer’s Great Kid Books, a blog which recommendis books for kids from 4-14.
Here’s books and authors that Amy recommends in this episode:
the Amulet series (graphic novels for grade-school readers)
anything by Raina Telgemaier (graphic novels with heroines for grade-school readers
You Wouldn’t Want to Be… series (real history with a dose of gross-out humor)
the American Girl collection (the best you’re-growing-up books out there)
What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions (a perfect coffee table book. Irresistible for all ages)
and a few audiobook series recommended by Amy’s 10-year-old daughter:
A Series of Unfortunate Events
The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place
The Mysterious Benedict Society
and of course, Harry Potter, with hundreds of characters all voiced by Jim Dale.
Here’s the books that have gotten our listeners’ kids reading. Thanks for everyone who joined in with ideas on our Facebook page!
Lauren: Pete the Cat, Wayside Stories from Wayside School
Maureen: Mo Willems
Tracy: “Right now (8 years old) we are loving Super Rabbit Boy.”
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Morning Madness
We’d all love a school morning where everyone gets out the door without Mom yelling or feeling stressed. And by “all” we mean all mothers. Our children seem blithely indifferent to all the hollering and pleading and bargaining we do each morning in order to make the bus– which means each day we have to do a little more of it. Good times.
Leigh Anderson puts it this way, for Lifehacker Offspring:
“Getting kids out the door in the morning can go one of two ways: They wake up early and then dawdle, forcing a last-minute scramble, or they wake up late, forcing a last-minute scramble.”
In this episode we talk about what works to get the kids moving and in charge of their own schedules. We love Leigh’s idea of creating a morning playlist: if “Yellow Submarine” is on, it’s time to be tying your shoes.
Our other favorite tip– keep another set of toothbrushes in the downstairs bathroom!– is from Carolyn Dalgliesh’s book The Sensory Child Gets Organized.
Here’s other tricks and tips we discuss in this episode:
Amy uses these 5- and 30-minute hourglasses to make the dwindling time until the bus arrives more concrete. (Beware: the 30-minute one can sometimes have the paradoxical effect of making the time left seem endless, at least to an 8-year-old.)
The Time Timer is a less chic but equally effective visual reminder.
Margaret has her son use a smart speaker to set his own timer.
Margaret uses a dry erase board to remind her kids of what’s left on their morning checklists.
Amy’s friend Susan uses this gradual sunlight alarm clock for her exhausted high-schooler.
And if all else fails: put them to bed in their school clothes.
Here’s how to handle the dinnertime madness: HelloFresh, which delivers weekly recipes and fresh ingredients straight to your doorstep. What’s for dinner? Open fridge, pull out bag, get to it. No planning, no shopping, no complaining. Your kids might even *HELP* because the directions are so snazzy. We are huge fans!
Get $30 off your first HelloFresh delivery by going to hellofresh.com and entering the code mother30.
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What To Do When They’re Just Like You
Are your child’s most annoying traits disconcertingly familiar, because they are also your own? And are those qualities- anxiety, competitiveness, impatience, even hatred of loud chewing- baked in the cake? Or have our children learned how to be impossible simply by living with us?
Ellie Grossman says when our kids are driving us nuts, it’s always best to look within for answers:
The trick is to find our child’s greatest strength hidden inside his or her worst quality. The first step is to look at ourselves in the mirror. Where do you think our child’s mishegas comes from in the first place?
Keeping this in mind, we also love Wendy Mogel’s writing about the “yetser hara,” that part of all children’s personalities that is both the source of all parental exasperation and the essential spark of our children’s greatness. Read more here:
Emily Bazelon for The New York Times: So The Torah is a Parenting Guide?
Wendy Mogel, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Timeless Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children
Special thanks to our listener Michelle for suggesting this topic! Do you have an idea for an upcoming episode? Leave us a comment below, send us an email, or click the Speakpipe on the right-hand edge of our website to leave us a voice message.
This week’s episode is brought to you by Barkbox. Barkbox is a monthly surprise of dog toys, treats and goodies. Amy’s kids absolutely loved helping Marshmallow choose among the many delights in her “Knights of the Hound Table” themed shipment. What Fresh Hell listeners can get a free Barkbox when signing up for a 6 or 12-month plan (and support our podcast!) by using our special code: barkbox.com/laughing.
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Mean Girls (with guest author Katie Hurley)
Mean girls: they’re a thing, and sometimes it’s *our* girls being the bullies. Experts agree that girls exhibit “relational aggression” more than boys do, and girls are also more deeply upset by it. Even more worrisome: mean-girl behavior used to start in junior high; now it starts in pre-K.
Fear not: we’ve got tons of useful advice in this episode, particularly in our interview with Katie Hurley, author of the just-published book No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls.
There is hope! As Katie explained:
“Our daughters are not destined to repeat the things that happened to us… especially if we are talking to them about being empathic and being compassionate.”
Start sooner than you think: Katie says the sweet spot for impacting your girl’s friendship skills is ages 8-10.
Here’s links to some other research and resources discussed in this episode:
A Way Through, a site created by female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner, helps girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships
Kelly Wallace for CNN: How Not to Raise a Mean Girl
Our sponsor this week is Erin Condren, creator of the fully customizable Life Planner. Choose your layouts, your extra pages, your colors, your cover. We love the look of everything this mom-owned business makes and we think you will too. Start designing your planner– and support our podcast at the same time!
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Go-To Dinners
What makes a “go-to dinner”? One pot is good. 30 minutes or less is better. But we’ll use every cookie sheet and pot in the house if it’s 1) not pizza and 2) all of our kids will actually eat it.
Here’s links to all of our own go-to recipes that we discuss in this episode, plus the ones our listeners swear by:
Margaret’s Go-To Dinners
Beef Empanadas (use refrigerated pie crust for the dough)
Green Soup (Margaret adds chicken)
and, believe it or not, Lobster Thermidor (Lego Batman’s favorite, natch)
Amy’s Go-To Dinners
Roasted Broccoli with Shrimp (ten minutes, one pan. If you don’t have the spices, skip em.)
Taco Night (this is a super-easy recipe from Laura Fuentes)
Our Listeners’ Child-Approved Meals
Rebecca’s Loaded Potato Soup
Mollie’s Chickpea Tikka Masala
Diane’s Asian Noodles (kudos to this brilliant bit of improvisation):
and Nancy’s Spanish Rice (thanks, Amy’s mom!)
Here’s some of our favorite places to get go-to dinner inspiration :
Amy’s sister loves the Weelicious website
Margaret’s favorite cookbook: America’s Test Kitchen: The Best Simple Recipes
Amy’s favorite recipe app: Treehouse Table
And our new obsession! Our podcast’s latest sponsor: HelloFresh. HelloFresh delivers weekly recipes and fresh ingredients straight to your doorstep. Last night Amy made their Veggie-Loaded Orzo with Sausage. Margaret and her husband made the Chicken Cheddar Fajitas. People, they were devoured. No planning, no shopping, no complaining. We are huge fans! We think you should try HelloFresh for your family-and you can get $30 off your first HelloFresh delivery by going to hellofresh.com and entering the code mother30.
What’s your go-to dinner? Tell us in the comments or on our Facebook page!
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Sick Day Hacks
One day out of school? Fine, here’s the remote. But by day four of a low-grade temp— just enough to keep the kid home— most parents get rather desperate for ideas. We are both unfortunate experts on the topic of kids’ sick days, and in this episode we discuss
what you should already have around the house in anticipation of those “Mommy, I don’t feel well” moments
how to decide if your kid is really sick enough to stay home
why sick days are not the time to introduce a new skill
how kids will act better before they report feeling better
why even sick days need a semblance of a schedule
the importance of “blank-facing”
and why we must always beware secondary gain.
Here’s links to some research and articles with great ideas for sick-day kids that we discuss:
Devon Corneal for Real Simple: 16 Clever Ways To Entertain a Child Who’s Home Sick
Parenting Magazine: Activities for Kids on Sick Days
Stephanie Morgan for Momtastic: 10 Activities When Sickness Has You Stuck At Home
Carrie McBride for Apartment Therapy: 5 Survival Tips for Being Sick at Home
from NPR: Should My Slightly Sick Child Stay Home? The Rules Often Conflict
and most importantly, this sobering read, from Heather Murphy for the New York Times: Fish Depression is Not a Joke
Want to help a sick kid in the hospital who is really super-bored? Donate a LEGO set to Sam’s LEGO Drive!
One of our favorite sick day hacks? Audible. (Amy’s daughter has listened to three Harry Potters and the entire Incorrigible Children series, saving her mother’s sanity while she listens.) Get your 30-day free trial at audibletrial.com/whatfreshhell- and help support our podcast at the same time!
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What is Up With Toddlers?
Have you a short fat dictator in your home? Do you cower before a 24-pound child demanding pizza– no, not THAT kind of pizza! the other kind, the kind she likes NOW, which apparently has neither sauce nor cheese?
What is *UP* with toddlers?
In this episode we discuss
* why toddlers’ tantrums may have, at least at one time, been biologically necessary
why taking your toddler’s french toast sticks away makes him feel like he’s suddenly swimming alone in open ocean
how expecting a toddler to be “magically cute” is extremely problematic
why, if you really must ice-skate with a toddler, you must always, always take your own skates off first
And here’s links to some fascinating research, helpful tips, and funny toddler stuff we reference:
Kate Gammon for Popular Science: Birth Of Memory: Why Kids Forget What Happened Before Age 7
Patrick Sauer for Fatherly: What’s Going On Inside A Toddler’s Brain, According To Science
Alison Gopnik’s TED talk: What Do Babies Think?
Mo Willems and his perfect description of how a toddler goes “boneless”
Toddlerography with James Corden and Jennifer Lopez
…and from England’s First Steps Research, a study indicating that a toddler’s daily caloric output is the equivalent of going 83 rounds in a boxing ring.
This episode also features our interview with Heather Spohr, co-author of the new book The Toddler Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Whiny Unfed. Spohr’s book is hilarious *and* has practical advice (our favorite combo) for surviving the inevitable onslaught of the Toddler Apocalypse in your own household. Take heart, and plan ahead.
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We’re Feeling Goal-y (Our Resolutions for the New Year)
It’s a new year, and we’ve got goals. Some of them are perhaps the same as last year, but Margaret says that 2018 is all about Widening the Window of Acceptability. Isn’t that a lovely notion? If redefined to include regular ambulatory activity, “get in shape” might indeed be something we accomplish this year.
Either way, we are here to *win 2018*, whether through Amy’s Word For the Year (“Clarify”) or Margaret’s Phrase For These Times (“Say Yes to Less”). In this episode we both agree to avoid the Cookie Committee, or whatever it is we really don’t want to get roped into this year, by taking Brené Brown’s advice of choosing discomfort over resentment.
Here’s what else one or both of us hereby swears to do on the record in this episode:
* read more books (Margaret says she’ll read 30 in 2018)
* drink two glasses of water with lemon every morning (okay this one might be just Amy)
* meditate
* organize kid-free time
* soften into with-kids time
* dock our phones in the kitchen at night
Here’s links to some other sources of inspiration discussed in this episode:
for stuck creatives: Jon Acuff’s book Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done
for those in a tough moment: David Foster Wallace’s “This is Water”
for those of us who tend to conflate busy-ness with worthiness: this clip of Joan Rivers from “A Piece of Work”
to make meditation easier: the Headspace app
to read more articles instead of your Facebook feed: the Pocket app
What are your 2018 goals? We want to hear from you! Tell us in the comments!
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New to What Fresh Hell? Start Here
“What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood” is a hilarious podcast exploring the joys and challenges of parenthood and adulting in general. Join hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables as they navigate motherhood, careers, relationships, and the ever-changing landscape of women’s lives with a little research, a big dose of relatable stories, and a whole lot of laughter.
“What Fresh Hell” is a Webby-honored podcast with 12 million downloads and hundreds of episodes. Use the search function in the upper-right corner to find the topics you want to hear more about. From toddlers to teens, from toxic positivity to rejoining the workforce, we’ve talked about it.
Listen to "What Fresh Hell" wherever you get your podcasts.
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BONUS! What Fresh Hell Live
This week’s *bonus* episode is a recording of our first live show! On December 1st, more than four hundred of you showed up at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center for “What Fresh Hell LIVE!” A few brave husbands were also in attendance; they were moved to the safety of the “Men Pen” for their own protection. (Scotch was served.)
The show was such a hit that we can’t wait to do it again. So we are now booking dates for 2018! We’re talking local theaters, school groups, PTAs, fundraisers, moms’ nights out. If you’d like to talk to us about bringing What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood to come to your hometown in 2018, drop us an email at info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.
Special thanks to SheBee Jewelry, the sponsor of our very first What Fresh Hell LIVE! SheBee jewelry adds a touch of chic to elevate the everyday. Get a little something for your mom, your sister, your babysitter– or get some ideas for your own letter to Santa– at shebee.com and get 15% off with code FRESH.
Thank you to Chad David Kraus Photography for the fabulous photos!
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Podcasten What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms är skapad av Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Podcastens innehåll och bilderna på den här sidan hämtas med hjälp av det offentliga podcastflödet (RSS).
En liten tjänst av I'm With Friends. Finns även på engelska.