#33 Nerd Notes | Co-Regulating with Our Neurodivergent Children

In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) unpacks one of the most misunderstood intersections in modern parenting: raising a neurodivergent child while trying to break generational cycles. With personal stories from parenting her own AuDHD daughter, Eli walks through the full sensory landscape — including the three "hidden" senses — and explains how to adapt secure attachment practices to meet your neurodiverse child where they actually are.

Key Takeaways

• Neurodivergent kids experience the world through a different sensory prism — not just the classic 5 senses, but also neuroception, interoception, and proprioception. Understanding which senses your child is over- or under-sensitive to changes everything about how you approach their meltdowns.
• Empathy that works for neurotypical kids can amplify distress in neurodivergent kids. When a neurodivergent child is already flooded across multiple sensory systems, offering big gooey empathy can escalate — not soothe — their dysregulation.
• Accommodation is not permissive parenting. Adjusting your child's environment to match their nervous system's needs is scaffolding, not weakness. The goal is gradual growth at the stage they can handle it.
• Believe them. If your child says the lights are too bright, the smell is too strong, or the touch is too much — believe them. Their nervous system is telling the truth, even if it doesn't match your experience.
• Community is a survival tool. Parenting a neurodivergent child requires more regulation, more support, and more stamina than neurotypical parenting — and you cannot generate that alone.
• Secure attachment with a neurodivergent child looks different. A child running to their cozy corner instead of into your arms is not rejecting you — it's their nervous system seeking the regulation it needs. Your job is to follow slowly and ask what they need.

Resources Mentioned

• 🔗 Big Little Feelings (Kristin Gallant) — "Believe them" — https://biglittlefeelings.com
• 🔗 AuDHD: Understanding Autism + ADHD Co-Occurrence — Child Mind Institute explainer: https://childmind.org/article/what-is-audhd/
• 🔗 Interoception & Sensory Processing Challenges — Understood.org: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/interoception-and-sensory-processing-challenges
• 🔗 The 8 Senses Explained for Neurodivergent Kids — Neurodivergent Insights: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/8-senses/
• 🔗 Weighted Stuffed Animals for Autism & Sensory Regulation — Autism Parenting Magazine: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/autism-and-stuffed-animals/
• 🔗 Secure Parenting Program (includes monthly Neurodivergent Support Group): https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/