Non-Monogamy vs Monogamy: Who's Really Happier?

We've been taught that monogamy is the default because it's more satisfying, more "natural". But what if that's not actually what the research says?

In this episode, I dig into a major new meta-analysis of 35 studies and nearly 25,000 people that compared relationship and sexual satisfaction across monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. The findings challenge a lot of what we've assumed — and what culture has been telling us for a very long time.

If you've ever wondered whether opening up your relationship might fix a mismatched desire problem — I talk about why that question matters less than the reason you're asking it, from a sex-therapist lens.

We explore:

• What a meta-analysis of nearly 25,000 people found about satisfaction in monogamous vs non-monogamous relationships
• The uncomfortable truth about why we elevate monogamy — and what it protects us from having to look at
• How non-monogamous individuals reported slightly higher trust, and what monogamous couples can learn from how non-monogamous relationships define boundaries
• When opening up a relationship can be running away from the problem — and how to tell the difference
• What actually predicts satisfaction in a long-term relationship

Timestamps:

02:51 — Opening up as a fear response

03:49 — Main findings from the study

08:27 — Monogamy doesn’t guarantee safety

10:46 — Is it okay to flirt & where does the line go?

14:59 — Why opening up may not solve the real issue

17:48 — What predicts relationship satisfaction

The study in this episode:

Countering the Monogamy-Superiority Myth: A Meta-Analysis of the Differences in Relationship Satisfaction and Sexual Satisfaction as a Function of Relationship Orientation. Published in The Journal of Sex Research in 2025.

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