Stop Trying to Recreate the Honeymoon Phase — Do This Instead (Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships)

When couples have been together for years, boredom can start to feel like something you have to accept. You love each other, but somewhere along the way, you start wondering whether the spark left because your partner became boring — or because the relationship did.

In this episode, I dig into a study on self-expansion that offers a solution to that bordeom: curiosty. And the longer you've been together, the more important it may be to keep creating moments where you get to experience each other in new ways.

We explore:

• Why knowing your partner so well can sometimes get in the way of wanting them
• Why trying to recreate the honeymoon phase usually doesn't work — and what to do instead
• How self-expanding activities can support desire and satisfaction in long-term relationships
• What “doing something new together” can actually look like without grand gestures, weekends away, or turning your life upside down
• The catch: why one interesting date night won't carry your desire for months, and what long-term desire requires over time

Timestamps:

02:14 — What the research found

05:54 — Why curiosity matters in long-term relationships

08:44 — Novelty beyond sex and techniques

14:16 — Why this matters more in longer relationships

19:49 — Small ways to bring aliveness back

The study in this episode:

Broadening Your Horizons: Self-Expanding Activities Promote Desire and Satisfaction in Established Romantic Relationships

Published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology by Muise, Harasymchuk, Day, Bacev-Giles, Gere, and Impett.

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