[Linkpost] “Social Anxiety Isn’t About Being Liked” by Chipmonk

This is a link post. There's this popular idea that socially anxious folks are just dying to be liked. It seems logical, right? Why else would someone be so anxious about how others see them?

Show tweet And yet, being socially anxious tends to make you less likeable…they must be optimizing poorly, behaving irrationally, right?

Maybe not. What if social anxiety isn’t about getting people to like you? What if it's about stopping them from disliking you?

Show tweet Consider what can happen when someone has social anxiety (or self-loathing, self-doubt, insecurity, lack of confidence, etc.):

• They stoop or take up less space
• They become less agentic
• They make fewer requests of others
• They maintain fewer relationships, go out less, take fewer risks…

If they were trying to get people to like them, becoming socially anxious would be an incredibly bad strategy.

So what if they're not concerned with being likeable?

[...]

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Outline:

(01:18) What if what they actually want is to avoid being disliked?

(02:11) Social anxiety is a symptom of risk aversion

(03:46) What does this mean for your growth?

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First published:
May 16th, 2025

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/wFC44bs2CZJDnF5gy/social-anxiety-isn-t-about-being-liked

Linkpost URL:
https://chrislakin.blog/social-anxiety

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

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