What to Do After a Blowup With Your Teen (DBT Skills for Parents)

Has your teen ever exploded over something so small it left you wondering, "Is my child a monster?" If big reactions, yelling, or hurtful words have become part of life at your house, you're not alone, and you're not a bad parent.

👉 Tired of blowups that leave everyone hurting? Inside Parenting Teens Academy, parents learn to stay calm in the moment, repair afterward without lectures, and rebuild the connection that makes blowups less frequent. Try it free for 7 days

In this episode, I sit down with Leslie Cohen-Rubury, a licensed clinical social worker with 39 years of experience, an intensively trained DBT therapist, and host of the podcast Is My Child a Monster? Leslie shares DBT skills parents can use before, during, and after a blowup, including how to validate, how to keep from getting pulled in, and how to repair once everyone is calm.

Her answer to every parent who asks if their child is a monster: no. Your child may simply be misunderstood.

If your teen is self-harming or in crisis, reach out to a mental health professional right away. In the US, call or text 988 anytime.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why your teen's big reactions aren't as irrational as they seem
• Emotion mind vs. wise mind, and why no one can problem-solve in the heat of the moment
• How validation de-escalates, and what to do when it backfires
• How to respond when your teen yells or swears at you
• How to repair after a blowup without blame or lectures
• Why connection between conflicts prevents future blowups

EPISODE CHAPTERS

• 00:00 Is my child a monster?
• 02:08 What "monster" behavior looks like
• 04:06 Where intense emotions come from
• 08:50 Why yelling slows things down
• 09:16 Observe and describe: a DBT skill for parents
• 11:57 Emotion mind vs. wise mind
• 14:00 In the moment: whose problem is this?
• 17:15 How validation de-escalates
• 20:01 When your teen yells or swears at you
• 22:37 Why new skills take time
• 24:32 What to do after a blowup
• 26:50 Repair: starting with yourself
• 30:25 Fixing the relationship, not the teen
• 36:09 Planting seeds and connecting in other ways
• 39:42 One key takeaway

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Is My Child a Monster? podcast with Leslie Cohen-Rubury
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills: emotion mind, wise mind, validation, and opposite action

CONNECT WITH LESLIE COHEN-RUBURY

• Instagram: @lesliecohenrubury
• Facebook: @lesliecohenrubury
• YouTube: @lesliecohenrubury
• TikTok: @lesliecohenrubury
• Podcast: Is My Child a Monster?

CONNECT WITH DR. CAM CASWELL

• Website: AskDrCam.com
• Instagram: @DrCamCaswell
• Parenting Teens Academy

ABOUT THE SHOW

Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen.

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