16. Is Marriage Worth It for Women? Feat. Yvette Henry

Marriage can be beautiful, fulfilling, stretching, and deeply intimate, but it is not something I can honestly talk about for women without also talking about the risk, the labor, and the reality of what so many wives are carrying. In this conversation, I sit down with Yvette Henry to talk about what 15 years of marriage has taught her, why she still believes marriage can be worth it, and why I struggle to tell women that marriage is automatically worth it for them. We talk about choosing well, the limits of that advice, unpaid labor, faith-based expectations, the Proverbs 31 woman, emotional exhaustion, and what it means to stop performing wifehood and actually live inside a marriage that makes room for your whole self. Yvette also shares the heart behind her devotional Release, Rest, Remain, and why permission to rest is not something we need to wait for from our husbands, our children, the church, or the world… it is something we have to learn how to give ourselves.

Yvette Henry is a homeschooling mother of four, writer, and co-host of the podcast How Married Are You? alongside her husband, Glen. She has been married for 15 years, has built an incredible online community as Mrs. Melanin, and is the author of the devotional Release, Rest, Remain.

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Resources mentioned:

• Release, Rest, Remain by Yvette Henry

Research mentioned:

• Women gain about seven more hours of housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create?
• Men do about one hour less housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create?
• Women initiate 69% of divorces, compared to 31% initiated by men — Michael J. Rosenfeld / American Sociological Association, Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorces, But Not Non-Marital Breakups
• Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples — Michael J. Rosenfeld, Stanford University

In this episode, we cover:

• Whether marriage is actually worth it for women
• Why marriage requires work, not just love
• The danger of telling women to “choose well” like that alone can protect them
• What women gain and lose inside traditional marriage structures
• How faith can shape marriage, rest, and wifehood
• Why the Proverbs 31 woman has been misunderstood
• The difference between performing marriage and actually being in one
• Why rest has to come from within
• How Yvette and Glen think about division of labor, parenting, and partnership
• Why divorce can be an option without being treated like failure

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

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