Episode 375: Kate On: Finding Your Sense of Self After Divorce

What happens when you spend years orienting your life around another person and suddenly have to learn to live from the inside again? When I got out of my marriage, I had no idea who I was. I had zero sense of Self. I didn't know what I liked, what I wanted, what my values were. I didn't even know my favorite color. I had all this time that technically belonged to me, and I had no idea how to inhabit it.

I do think a lot of women experience this after divorce, and I wanted to name it in this solo episode. Many women fight their way out of a marriage expecting to naturally return to themselves, and then realize they're no longer entirely sure who that Self is. By the end of this episode, I want it to be clear why freedom can feel so disorienting, why knowing what you want can feel impossible at first, and how the work of rebuilding a relationship with yourself actually begins.

This episode names how the disconnection happens in the first place, the slow narrowing that comes with emotional abuse, or with years of over-functioning for a partner who under-functions, until your own needs and preferences quietly disappear. It looks at why that emptiness often doesn't surface until the divorce is final and the crisis has passed, and why so many women fill that space with anything they can reach for instead of sitting in it. Finally, it points toward how you actually start to come back to yourself. Because finding yourself again isn't about returning to who you were. It's about learning, slowly and intentionally, how to live in the life you fought so hard to build.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

• The narrowing box of emotional abuse, or years of over-functioning for an under-functioning partner, and how a sense of Self disappears inside it

• Why the disconnection often doesn't surface until the crisis passes and the pace of life finally slows down

• The baby steps back to yourself, and the small, ordinary questions that rebuild the practice of wanting

• Why choosing what lights you up can feel radical and even guilt-inducing at first

• How language and community give you both the map and the space to begin

Resources & Links:

The Unbreakable Retreat, Sedona, Arizona, September 10 to 13: Early bird pricing until July 15th! Focused Strategy Sessions Independence Day sale, $250 offKate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan The Divorce Strategy ToolkitPhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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