31. should we be having kids sooner in relationships?

Many couples feel disconnected after having children and wonder what happened to the relationship they had before. But what if part of the problem is expecting ourselves, our partners and our relationships to remain the same after such an enormous life change?

In this voice memo, recorded on my walk to work, I explore whether the traditional relationship escalator truly prepares us for parenthood. We can spend years getting to know somebody before having children, only to discover that neither of us knows who the other will become as a parent.

We talk about the identity shift of motherhood and fatherhood, the gap between our expectations and the reality of parenting roles, and why knowing somebody before children doesn’t necessarily tell you how they’ll respond to sleep deprivation, responsibility and the demands of family life.

I also ask a deliberately provocative question: could having children earlier in a relationship ever make the transition easier because there is less expectation that everything will remain as it was?

This isn’t advice to rush into having children or a claim that there is one correct relationship timeline. It’s a thought experiment about relationships after having a baby, why couples can become disconnected and whether we need to prepare for change rather than expect parenthood to leave us untouched.

🤩 Join a loving community of mums in IT'S A LOT – free for 30 days.If you’re feeling shaky having brought your new baby home, in the trenches of toddlerhood or just need a place to share the joys of being a mama with people who get it – this is your new support network. The best part? It’s all via voice notes – ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.nataliekmartin.com/mama-circle⁠⁠⁠⁠

👉🏽 Overcome those moments of overwhelm with some light hearted fun! ⁠⁠Download my Overwhelm Busting Bingo sheet here⁠⁠

Want to share your thoughts on this episode? Comment on Spotify or:Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@natalie.kmartin⁠⁠⁠⁠

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠

📢 Don’t forget to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode