61. Nothing shapes your motherhood more than who you have children with

Love matters when choosing someone to have children with. But love alone cannot tell you what your experience of motherhood will be like.

Your partner becomes part of your motherhood environment, just like your finances, housing, childcare, health and support network. Their ability to manage stress, take initiative, share responsibility and navigate money can directly affect the weight you carry as a mum.

In this episode, I explore some of the ways the person you have or raise children with can shape your motherhood, including:

• whether they calm stressful situations or add to them

• whether you’re expected to regulate both your child and your partner

• the mental load and the difference between helping and taking ownership

• how chronic illness, disability, burnout, addiction or unresolved trauma can affect the capacity within a family

• attitudes towards earning, spending, saving and financial risk

• whose career, income and financial independence are expected to take the hit

This isn’t about blaming partners or suggesting that people experiencing illness, disability or neurodivergence cannot be good parents. It’s about acknowledging that motherhood doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Even with all the love in the world, another person’s capacity, choices and behaviour can change what motherhood asks of you.

Whether you’re considering having children, struggling inside your current family dynamic or reflecting on a separation, this episode offers a wider lens for understanding why motherhood can feel so different from one woman to another.

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