71. Why I felt ashamed to claim benefits as a single mum

Why can claiming benefits feel like a personal failure, even when the support exists for exactly the situation you’re in?

After separating from my son’s father, I began looking for somewhere new for us to live. Between rising rents, my part-time income and carrying most of the childcare, I had to confront something I had resisted for years: I couldn’t make the numbers work without financial support.

In this episode, I unpack the shame I felt around applying for benefits as a single mum, an immigrant and a woman who believed she should be more financially secure by 41. I explore how ideas about class, independence and the stereotypes attached to single mothers shaped that discomfort, even though I grew up in a family and community where benefits were often essential.

We talk about:

• why motherhood and separation can create sudden financial vulnerability

• the connection between accepting personal help and accepting government support

• why child maintenance, housing support and family benefits exist

• the difference between personal financial choices and structural financial pressure

• how class and cultural conditioning influence the way we view benefits

• why using a social safety net is not a moral failure

Benefits are not a judgement on how well you chose your partner, managed your career or planned your life. They are systems designed to support people through circumstances that are both difficult and extremely common.

If your income has dropped, your relationship has ended or family life has become financially unmanageable, finding out what support you qualify for isn’t failure. It’s allowing the financial part of your village to hold you while you rebuild.

🎧 Free resource: The 5 Villages Every Mum Needs
A short audio guide exploring the types of support modern motherhood requires, and where those gaps often are.

👉🏽 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The 5 Villages Every Mum Needs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

🫂 Join a loving community of mums in IT'S A LOT – free for 30 days.

We talk about this kind of stuff in It's A Lot. So, if you’re feeling shaky having brought your new baby home, in the trenches of toddlerhood or just need a place to share the joys of being a mama with people who get it, this is your new support network. The best part? It’s all via voice notes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.nataliekmartin.com/mama-circle⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Want to share your thoughts on this episode?

TikTok @nataliek.martin Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@natalie.kmartin⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

☕️ Support my work: if you’re enjoying my podcast, you can buy me a virtual coffee here! Thank you 🫶🏽 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠buymeacoffee.com/nataliekmartin⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

New episodes every Wednesday🎧 Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and leave a quick review — it really helps other mums find the show.