77. Breaking up when you have kids: why there is no clean break

When you have children together, a breakup is rarely one clean exit. The relationship ends, but the shared life doesn’t.

You can’t simply cut contact, disappear to heal or make decisions based only on what you need. You’re still parenting, coordinating and trying to remain civil while processing the loss of your relationship, your imagined family life and the future you thought you were building.

In this episode, I talk honestly about what makes breaking up when you have kids so different, including:

• grieving while continuing to show up for your children

• living together after separation because money or housing makes an immediate move impossible

• disentangling routines, finances, family relationships and shared responsibilities

• deciding how childcare, holidays and handovers will work

• losing not only the relationship but the future and family structure you imagined

• trying to protect your children without suppressing everything you feel

• separating abroad when your support network and home country are elsewhere

A breakup with children is both emotional and structural. You may be dealing with anger, grief, guilt and self-doubt while also searching for housing, arranging child maintenance, completing paperwork and working out a new co-parenting rhythm.

If you’re going through this and wondering why you can’t simply move on, it isn’t because you’re handling the breakup badly. You’re trying to heal while remaining connected to the person and life you’re separating from. That is complicated, messy and deserving of far more understanding than it usually receives.

🎧 mentioned in this episode:
👉🏽 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The 5 Villages Every Mum Needs ⁠ a free audio guide for mothers who feel like they were never meant to do this alone.

🫂 Join a loving community of mums in IT'S A LOT – free for 30 days.

We talk about this kind of stuff in It's A Lot. So, if you’re feeling shaky having brought your new baby home, in the trenches of toddlerhood or just need a place to share the joys of being a mama with people who get it, this is your new support network. The best part? It’s all via voice notes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.nataliekmartin.com/mama-circle⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Want to share your thoughts on this episode?

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