The Myth of the "Perfect" Mom: Embracing Ambivalence in Motherhood

Motherhood is often painted as pure joy, endless patience, and unconditional love.

But what about the moments of frustration? The resentment? The overwhelm? The quiet thought of, “I love my child… but this is really hard.”

In this episode, I sit down with psychotherapist Dr. Margo Lowy to talk about maternal ambivalence – the completely normal experience of holding love and difficult emotions at the same time. We unpack the difference between ambivalence and indifference, why so many mothers feel guilt for being human, and how naming these emotions actually strengthens connection rather than weakens it.

If you’ve ever questioned yourself because motherhood didn’t feel magical 100 percent of the time, this conversation will feel like exhaling.

We discuss:

• What maternal ambivalence really means and why it’s misunderstood • Why loving your child and feeling frustrated can coexist • The myth of the “perfect, selfless mother” • How social media fuels unrealistic expectations • Why naming difficult emotions reduces shame • The power of community and choosing supportive voices • How humor and lightness protect us in hard seasons • Why responding instead of reacting changes everything • The importance of modeling emotional honesty for our children

To connect with Dr. Margo Lowy follow her on Instagram @drmargolowy, check out all her resources at https://drmargolowy.com/ and buy her books: https://drmargolowy.com/book/ 

00:00 – Intro: Why Difficult Feelings in Motherhood Matter

01:21 – Introducing Dr. Margo Lowy and Maternal Ambivalence

02:57 – What Maternal Ambivalence Actually Means

06:00 – Ambivalence vs Indifference: A Critical Difference

07:49 – The Myth of the Perfect, Selfless Mother

09:08 – Why Suppressing Difficult Emotions Backfires

11:01 – Letting Go of Perfection in Parenting

13:09 – The Moment You Realize Your Child Is Separate From You

17:08 – Do Fathers Experience Parenting Ambivalence Too?

19:03 – Why Parenting Plans Rarely Go as Expected

22:49 – The Power of Community and Support in Motherhood

29:11 – Social Media and the Pressure to Be the “Perfect Mom”

33:30 – How Accepting Imperfection Strengthens Parenting

43:16 – Naming Ambivalence and Finding Compassion for Yourself

49:22 – Final Takeaway: Why Naming Your Feelings Changes Everything

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