22. The Questions Churches Avoid About Sex, Leadership & Blind Spots

The Problem Isn’t Sin. It’s Lack of Accountability. We are all human, leaders, too. We want a system that supports even through struggles but we usually are aligned with a list of don’ts.

In this episode, Mary and Katieann discuss moral failures in church leadership and ask how churches screen staff and volunteers, especially regarding sexuality. Katieann explains that hiring and serving are largely relational, with increasing accountability for those in greater leadership, emphasizing character and “fruit” over gifting or anointing; ongoing struggles don’t automatically disqualify someone, but refusal of accountability does.

The conversation contrasts relational accountability with larger-church HR-style risk management, listing common screening questions about sexual history, misconduct, safeguarding, and doctrinal views.

Mary adds questions often overlooked in church teaching on marital sexuality, including mutual pleasure, mismatched desire, consent, and duty sex, and identifies blind spots such as coercion framed as headship, emotional disconnection, shame-based intimacy, and porn-free but intimacy-poor marriages. Mary invites leaders to seek her two-day sexual wholeness training.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Why Leaders Fail

01:01 Personal Church Journey

02:37 Staff Versus Volunteers

04:18 Fruit Over Gifts

05:51 Accountability Culture

10:18 Repentance In Practice

15:41 Screening Questions List

21:02 Beyond Policy Basics

21:47 Marriage Intimacy Gaps

23:44 Blind Spots And Challenge

27:14 Training And Wrap Up

TAKEAWAYS:

• Healthy churches screen leaders for personal sexual integrity, not just doctrinal agreement.
• Leaders build trust by submitting to real accountability, not avoiding it.
• Ongoing struggles don’t disqualify leaders, refusal of accountability does.
• Churches must address blind spots of coercion masked as headship and mutual consent.
• Sexual wholeness requires leaders to pursue health, not just avoid failure.

RESOURCES:

What do ministry leaders need to know about biblical sexuality and wholeness?
Check out the workshop: “Training Ministry Leaders to Help People Find Sexual Wholeness”.

**For a complete list of all the church leadership questions we addressed, email and request LIST. [email protected]

DISCLAIMER:

This podcast is designed for informational purposes only. Any and all actions or consequences from the podcast are the sole responsibility of the podcast audience participant. Information should not be seen as medical or mental health advice, and is not meant to take the place of seeing licensed health professionals.

Special thanks to Suzanna Storey of Saphron Music for “Shape Shifter”, on her Identity Crisis album.