23. The Questions Every Church Should Ask Its Leaders About Sex

Sexual integrity is more than just “not messing up”. It starts by living in a place of wholeness at home.

In this part-two conversation on church leadership and sexuality, the Mary and Katieann contrast “sexual risk management” (avoiding scandal, lawsuits, reputation damage, and external compliance) with “sexual discipleship,” which focuses on heart-level formation and God’s design for covenant, mutual, joyful, self-giving, shame-free, holy, pleasurable intimacy in marriage.

They argue churches are often reactive—addressing affairs, pornography, and crises—rather than preventative in teaching emotional, mental, and relational intimacy. Using Genesis 1–2, Song of Solomon, Ephesians 5, and 1 Corinthians 7, they emphasize consent, mutual authority, and that sexual integrity is the presence of wholeness, not merely the absence of scandal.

They discuss how leaders’ beliefs shape church culture (duty, silence, or shame) and identify healthy leadership indicators like proactive growth, receiving feedback, and asking “why the pain.” They challenge listeners to pray, share the episode, pursue wholeness at home, and note a two-day training for ministry leaders.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Welcome and Setup

00:34 Leadership Screening Story

02:30 Beyond Avoidance

04:09 Risk vs Discipleship

05:56 Biblical Vision for Sex

08:01 Side by Side Comparison

11:46 Why Leaders Beliefs Matter

16:17 Signs of Healthy Leaders

20:16 Key Questions for Wholeness

25:32 Challenge and Revival at Home

27:23 Training and Farewell

TAKEAWAYS:

• True sexual integrity reflects the presence of wholeness, not just the absence of scandal.
• Leaders shape church culture through their beliefs about sex whether they realize it or not.
• Churches must teach a biblical vision of sex that is mutual, covenantal, and free from shame.
• Leaders must live consent, mutuality, and honor in their own marriages, not just preach it.
• Healthy leaders pursue growth, invite feedback, and examine the “why” behind their own pain.

RESOURCES:

What do ministry leaders need to know about biblical sexuality and wholeness? Check out the workshop: “Training Ministry Leaders to Help People Find Sexual Wholeness”.

For a complete list of all the church leadership questions we addressed, email and request LIST. [email protected]

Listen to episode 17.  The Orgasm Gap: Why She’s Not Experiencing Pleasure (and What to Do)

 

DISCLAIMER:

This podcast is designed for informational purposes only. Any and all actions or consequences from the podcast are the sole responsibility of the podcast audience participant. Information should not be seen as medical or mental health advice, and is not meant to take the place of seeing licensed health professionals.

Special thanks to Suzanna Storey of Saphron Music for “Shape Shifter”, on her Identity Crisis album.