27. The Sex Talk Men Never Got: Beyond Mechanics to Wholeness

Men could assume sex just runs by itself but they may want to discover what they’re missing.

In this episode, Mary and Katieann discuss Sam Jolman’s book “The Sex Talk You Never Got” (foreword by John Eldridge) as part of a series supporting men on the Sexual Wholeness Revival Podcast, with the host admitting she hasn’t finished the book and read the conclusion first.

They explore why men benefit from a sex book, noting many men hesitate to ask for help and that church culture often failed to teach or model healthy conversations.

Topics highlighted include the goodness of men’s bodies, arousal cycles, consent (even in marriage), mutual pleasure, recognizing abuse, shame, pornography, masturbation, dating, and pursuing a woman’s heart, emphasizing sexuality as spirit-soul-body oneness rather than mechanics shaped by Hollywood, porn, and degrading jokes.

They contrast cultural and church distortions with being “shrewd and innocent,” acknowledging realities like Me Too, sex trafficking, and coercive “headship,” while advocating awe, wonder, and feeling “alive,” illustrated by an elk-hunting story and its impact on marital intimacy.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Two Confessions
01:11 Introducing The Book
02:02 Why Men Need Help
04:14 What The Book Covers
05:39 Beyond The Mechanics
08:35 Jokes And Disrespect
11:31 Empty Sex And The Heart
13:28 Procreation Mindset
16:53 Shrewd And Innocent
18:29 Facing Evil Realities
21:35 Aliveness And Wonder
23:24 Elk Hunting Story
25:57 Comment Alive

TAKEAWAYS:

• Reject the shallow scripts culture gives men and pursue sexual wholeness instead.
• Pursue a woman’s heart instead of chasing empty performance.
• Recognize how porn, degrading jokes, and false messages distort desire.
• Honor consent, mutual pleasure, and the dignity of your spouse.
• Cultivate awe, wonder, and aliveness that strengthen marital intimacy.

RESOURCES:

Check out Sam Jolman’s book: The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality 

Comment: “Alive” on podcast or social media to receive a personalized encouragement

DISCLAIMER:

This podcast is designed for informational purposes only. Any and all actions or consequences from the podcast are the sole responsibility of the podcast audience participant. Information should not be seen as medical or mental health advice, and is not meant to take the place of seeing licensed health professionals.

Special thanks to Suzanna Storey of Saphron Music for “Shape Shifter”, on her Identity Crisis album.