Infatuation, Idealizing Romantic Partners, and Putting Others on a Pedestal

In this episode, Sarah breaks down the origins of idealization and infatuation, showing how these patterns are rooted in unresolved experiences and protective strategies. She explains why infatuation is not love, but a survival response that pulls you out of your adult self and into fantasy. Sarah shares what it takes to shift these dynamics through reparenting and parts work, so you can move from survival-based patterns into grounded, mutual connection.

Episode Highlights:

• [00:00] Introduction
• [00:42] Why you idealize partners and become infatuated
• [04:28] How your threat detector drives attraction
• [08:03] The internal dynamics of “pedestal” relationships
• [11:03] Origins of idealization: fantasizing as a way to escape and self-protect
• [14:11] What infatuation feels like (and why it’s not love)
• [22:39] Reparenting, parts work, and accessing “adult you” in relationships
• [25:51] What healthy love looks like
• [29:35] Asking yourself what you’re actually looking for
• [31:15] Other areas where we put people on a pedestal (and learning to love yourself)
• [34:06] Question 1 - What is limerence in relationships, and why does it happen?
• [38:03] Question 2 - How do I stay authentic around people I admire without belittling myself?
• [43:16] Question 3 - What's the difference between narcissism and an avoidant attachment?

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Quotes:

“Our system is essentially saying: If I can be chosen by the best person, or the most perfect person, or the shiniest penny, then maybe that means I’m lovable.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:01:38]

“[Idealization and infatuation] occurs when we've had a younger part of us who wasn't chosen, who was abandoned, or who experienced love from a conditional place.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:01:54]

“Someone who has done their work and is healthy in a relationship—they don't want to be put on a pedestal. Because when you're put on a pedestal, you are not actually seen and known.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:08:39]

“Adult love is not infatuation.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:26:46]

“When you actually love from Adult you, you are deeply able to take in the wholeness of that person.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:27:27]