5. "I see your suffering. Your suffering is real. Your suffering matters." With Jessica Eve

Following on from our first conversation, Jessica and I delve into the moment she first heard the term ‘spiritual bypassing’ and realised that’s what she’d been doing, and we explore the rejection or exclusion of the body which is central to spiritual bypassing. Based on our childhood experiences, we touch into cPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) and the extent to which many of the teachings of self-negating non-duality mirror the messages of narcissistic abuse, shaming the self and its expression. We reflect on being drawn to the teachings that replicated our survival strategies and how, in Jessica’s words, “The shift from self-abandonment to self-compassion has been the most extraordinary shift.”

We also talk about the damage wrought by self-negating non-duality and the cult-like dynamics that are often at play in spiritual communities; the shaming of need and the notion that suffering is a story; the importance of healthy boundaries; ego-bashing, how it perpetuates the inner gaslighter, and what our understanding of the ego is now; how dogmatic teachings that propound truth with a capital T erode self-trust and undermine our ability to critically question; and the attraction of and problems with certainty and wanting to know the ‘ultimate truth’.

Jessica Eve is raising awareness about the dangers of self-negating spirituality like Neo-Advaita, supporting folks healing from harmful effects, and inspiring humanistic, life-affirming alternatives. Explore her blog, youtube channel and more! If you'd like to join her online peer support group, Collective Soul Revival, please fill out this form.

Connect with Jessica

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers both a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops and a reflective space for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

Mentions

Jessica mentions Guy Smith, and interviews him here. She also mentions author and philosopher Tim Freke, who has critiqued non-dual spiritual teachings, and therapist Michael Lydon, who talks about how they can reproduce trauma.

Jessica cites several non-dual teachers, including Rupert Spira: This is spiritual bypassing and I won’t apologise and Adyashanti: Don’t trust yourself.

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Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit